Cocktails & Cheese
by Aurlana
Summary: Alistair is the owner of a cheesy bar in downtown Denerim. Commander Cullen is a police detective from the other side of town. Both men go through the motions of their day-to-day lives, not realizing that something essential is missing. Will these two find their mutual attraction enough to break free from their humdrum existence and find true happiness?
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to my Thedas!**

As cliche' as it sounds, I woke up one morning with an image in my head: Alistair standing behind a bar, flirting shamelessly with a handsome, blonde, curly-haired detective. (Guess who?) Since the image couldn't be captured properly with the stick-figures that I am so adept at drawing, I decided to put pen to paper and run with this idea. Thank you for coming along for the ride. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

This labor of love wouldn't be what it is without the efforts of

two dear souls who have deemed my little idea worthy of their time and editing skills!

My eternal gratitude goes out to Connie_Flint and Ponticle for their encouragement,

direction, and the occasional ruler across the knuckles, to keep me in line!

Thank you ladies! You are the best!

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games,**

 **All twisted perversions therein,**

 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 1**

A Chance Meeting

Alistair Theirin loved to be around people. He was naturally good with them; making them feel relaxed and comfortable enough to share their deepest regrets and darkest desires with him. It was a gift of his that worked well with his chosen profession.

Tending bar in downtown Denerim allowed for him to be surrounded by all manner of interesting and exciting people. He was happy to be the center of attention and was well liked for his trade, however, he was utterly lonely. He spent his nights listening to other people's problems and helping them drown their sorrows. He was a cheap therapist that they could come too to make themselves feel better, but it was always about them. For all of their fawning and attention, no one but his best friends; Lana and her wife, Leliana, ever _seriously_ asked about Alistair. As he went through the motions-night after night-same customers, same stories, same 'interested' smile plastered on his face, he kept his own hopes and fears safely hidden away behind his enigmatic smile and almost never-ending, charming banter.

Content in his trade; he never felt that he needed anything more. The bar was his home, his refuge, and source of comfort. With trays of food and good conversation, he made it his goal to make his customers feel the same. He firmly believed that a bartender could make the best tasting drink ever, but if their service didn't make the guest feel special, then the drink itself wouldn't taste as good.** It was a philosophy that Alistair lived by; and one that seemed to be working quite well for him.

When he opened the business-eight years ago-he never imagined that it would be so successful. It had been a fantastical idea that came to him; one night over drinks with his dearest friends and roommates. The three of them made it work; playing on each of their strengths. They fell into their new roles seamlessly, as if these were the parts they were always meant to play: Alistair tended bar, Lana hired the wait-staff, and Leliana managed the musicians. They all enjoyed their work and were very good at what they did, but even so, there was a longing deep in Alistair's heart that he couldn't put his finger on.

Commander, Cullen Rutherford was happiest when he was helping people. A former Templar-turned detective-driven by duty, spending most of his time either buried in paperwork or out working in the field. He's quiet and reserved and though he spent long hours, fighting for the little guy; when he retired for the day, he was always alone in his small-but-functional, apartment. His work was rewarding; his personal life, however, was all about Chinese take-out, going to the gym, and lonely nights drinking by himself, only to wake up in the morning to do it all over again. Reports, investigations, and being on a first name basis with the people at Mr. Chen's on the corner, were the extent of his life. He knew he needed something more, but as of yet, the Maker hadn't revealed to him what it was that was missing from his life.

The Commander had been working on a particularly frustrating case that was going nowhere. He was used to working difficult cases, but something about this assignment was leaving him particularly drained. His most recent lead left him aggravated. Instead of getting into his Jeep to head home, he found himself wandering downtown Denerim, trying to clear his head and figure out what rock to look under next. His ambling feet brought him to an unfamiliar street. Curious about the new scenery-and starting to lament skipping dinner-he decided to wander through the rapidly dimming light to see if he could find a place to get a bite to eat.

With hands deep in the pockets of his long overcoat to fend off the early spring chill, he walked through the mist, down the newly discovered street. A non-descript door suddenly opened, letting out sounds of laughter and a warm golden light which illuminated a dwarven couple staggering out into the cool night air. They were tipsy, laughing, and completely oblivious to the fact that they had nearly run into the tall, imposing man walking along the sidewalk.

Arm in arm, the duo stumbled down the street and around the corner. Cullen watched them disappear, then glanced up at the faded sign hung overhead. He chuckled at the tongue in cheek name of the place, but thought it sounded as good a place as any to grab a drink, if not a meal.

Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the handle of the door and opened it wide, letting the sound and warmth wash over him. Walking into unfamiliar bars at night, was not something he would normally do, but after the week that he'd had, the Commander didn't feel like drinking alone. He wanted to be around people, even if he wasn't part of their laughter and camaraderie.

Stepping inside, he paused to take in his new surroundings. It wasn't terribly crowded, but held just over a dozen people in small diverse groups around the room. Two couples were playing pool in the back. An unoccupied dart board was set up on the far wall immediately to the right of the front door. Three tables sat in the middle of the room in front of a stage, two of those tables were occupied.

On the stage stood a lone woman with red hair, cropped at an even length near her ears. Her voice was more beautiful than a nightingale's; soothing and pure. She played a strange sort of guitar… a lute, if he remembered correctly. Though the customer's appeared to be enjoying her music, she seemed to be singing for the pure joy of the music itself.

Weaving deftly amongst the tables was a petite, elven waitress who also seemed to be enjoying what she was doing. No taller than five feet in height, with brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and wisps framing her bronze face on either side, she smiled as if there were nowhere else in Thedas she would rather be. She wore a flowing, blue cotton dress, a black apron tied around her waist, comfortable shoes, and the most radiant smile as she shimmied from table to table taking and delivering orders.

There was a small group of women standing at the bar along the left wall talking with the bartender. The bar top itself was a deep mahogany, which matched the warm color of the walls. It stretched almost the entire length of the left side of the room, but instead of connecting to the entrance wall, it curved; providing for some more secluded seating, away from everyone else.

The fixtures were all dark patina'd brass, which only enhanced the warm glow of the lights that they held. As a whole, the room felt welcoming and inviting. Not having experienced that feeling in quite some time, Cullen made up his mind to stay; if only for one drink.

He made his way towards the end of the bar closest to the entrance, where it curved to meet the wall. It was a perfect strategic location. His body tucked into the left corner of the room as one entered, he could see everything… and everyone, including the front door. The location suited him very well.

Cullen watched with interest as the barkeep talked and laughed animatedly with his customers. He was fairly tall, slender, and well-muscled; more wiry than bulky though, with red hair that shot from the top of his head in short spikes as if that were all it was capable of doing. His voice carried to him smooth as honey and the three women at the counter seemed completely enamored by the man's boyish charm. It was his smile, however, that really drew the detective's attention. He read warmth and caring in its attentiveness with a hint of longing buried deep underneath.

The part of him that loved to understand people, pondered briefly what someone who seemed so happy could be hiding in that sad tinged smile. He also noticed that the women didn't seem to notice anything amiss as whatever he was hiding, was well concealed beneath his friendly banter. The Commander concluded that whatever it was that the barkeep was longing for, was either so deeply ingrained that he wasn't aware it was there… or perhaps that he himself… worked too much and really shouldn't analyze every person that he came across.

Shaking his head, Cullen decided that he was off the clock and would just enjoy this new experience as much as possible. He wasn't here to read people or to dissect their hidden secrets, no matter how well camouflaged and thusly intriguing they appeared to be. Removing his coat, he draped it over his chair, sat back and relaxed into this new, warm environment. The intriguing man, with the magnetic smile, delivered the drinks to the ladies and turned towards his end of the bar, changing his life forever.

Alistair just finished 'suggesting' to the couple that were all over each other; that they should take their arduous adventures back to their apartment instead of putting on a show for his whole bar to see. Thankfully, they had left without issue. He was fulfilling another order at the bar when the door opened once again.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a rather tall and imposing, lone figure enter and pause as if to take in the whole room, before heading towards the curved end of the bar. It was the side of the room that no one ever really sat in, though it boasted a view of the entire pub. It was dark and secluded, but still accessible. The fact that the man in the long overcoat sat in the spot that he himself would have chosen to gain the best defensible overview of the pub, had his interest peaked. As he finished serving drinks to the ladies at the bar, he turned towards the newest guest and paused at the sight before him.

The stranger had removed his coat and underneath was dressed in a charcoal grey suit with a white button down shirt which was unfastened at the collar. He wore a deep red tie with diagonal gold pinstripes, loosened to match his opened buttons. Even though he was seated, the new arrival was taller than Alistair had initially estimated, maybe even as tall as his own six foot frame, but easily broader in the shoulders. He had curly, wheat-blonde hair, slicked back and almost straightened yet disheveled like he'd been running his fingers through it. There was a scowl that darkened his features, a small scar bisecting his top lip on the right side which was turned down in contemplation. His eyes were scanning the room, taking in everyone and everything surrounding him. He seemed, unsure yet curious.

 _Interesting._

Realizing that he had stopped dead in his tracks, Alistair reminded himself to relax and continued towards the striking man that had just graced his bar with his presence.

 _Tonight may be looking up after all._

As Alistair approached, he noticed two things: first, he saw the stranger's eyes watching him with a hungry intensity, next, he noticed a lightening of said gentleman's scowl as he drew closer. Wearing his most friendly, welcoming smile-which wasn't that difficult as he was genuinely intrigued by this new handsome face that had just walked into his world-Alistair leaned into the newcomer at the end of the bar.

"What's your pleasure?" He said to the intriguing stranger who watched him approach with the most amazing amber colored eyes.

Cullen blinked and stared dumbly at the bartender who had just taken his breath away with a mere smile. He knew that he'd been asked a question, but it was as if he spoke another language. His mind registered the voice; it was like a refreshing rain after a particularly desiccated summer, but he couldn't place the words. Blinking again through the haze, he cleared his throat and asked, "I'm sorry… you said?"

Alistair leaned in closer, leaning his elbow on the counter. Finding a boldness he'd long forgotten he possessed, he rephrased his question, "A drink? What would you like? I'd give you your usual, but considering this is your first time here-and I am not a mind reader, like little Lana over there," he indicated the tiny waitress. "You'll have to help me out a little." His grin grew with his courage, "Give me time though, and I will have your pleasures memorized and offered up upon your arrival in the future."

Alistair felt strangely emboldened by the striking man before him. There was something about the handsome man that drew him in, like a moth to a flame. He prayed the feeling might be mutual. He'd have to remember to ask Lana later. If she'd be willing to share that is. She rarely was.

Cullen was completely unprepared for the feelings that were washing over him.

 _Is this incredibly winsome man actually flirting with me?_

Shaking his head, he dismissed the thought as unlikely; believing instead that the bartender was just _really good_ at what he did. Finding the man's smile disarming yet friendly, however, he allowed himself to relax and decided to enjoy the eye-candy before him while having a drink to finish off his night.

He managed to stutter out a simple, "Scotch… or Whiskey on the rocks." Then added as an afterthought, "Johnny Walker-Black if you've got it?"

Cullen watched as the bartender smiled in understanding and walked off to fill his drink order. He wasn't paying attention to what was being poured as his attention was distracted by the particular way that his ass moved in those well-fitting jeans.

 _Pull it together Rutherford, you're going to creep this guy out if you keep on with your ogling. You don't even know his name. Do people ask bartenders names? Should I? Would that be weird? Will he even remember me after I leave tonight? One face of many that he sees, I'm sure I'll be quickly forgotten. Would he even be interested?_

As he was having his own inner dialogue, the petite waitress-that the bartender had named 'Lana'-stopped at his elbow and whispered, "Relax. He's been waiting for you longer than even _he_ realizes." And with that cryptic statement, she wandered off again.

 _Strange._

Alistair turned just as Lana was walking away from their newest guest whose eyes were following her in disbelief.

 _Uh oh, what'd she just say to him? Maker, please don't let her be doing that creepy thing she does again!_

Finishing his silent plea, he vowed to ask her about what that was all about later. Bringing over the freshly poured drink, he confessed, "I do have Black, but try this instead. I don't mean to pry into your business, but you look like you could use something… better to take the edge off your day."

Cullen chuckled but mumbled mostly to himself, "You have no idea."

Taking a sip, Cullen closed his eyes at the smooth burn as it went down his throat. He let out a low moan without meaning to and heard the bartender chuckle.

"Black is good, but only Blue Reserve goes down _that_ smoothly." Alistair was talking, but he was etching that indecently arousing sound into his memory.

 _What I wouldn't do to be the cause of that moan under more private surroundings._

Alistair heard Lana giggle which brought him out of his reverie. He tossed a bar towel at her which she deftly snatched out of the air, draped it over her arm, and continued on about her work as if nothing unusual had just happened.

Cullen's eyes grew wide as he stared into his glass. Fully aware that the cost of the Blue Reserve was usually well above his pay grade.

Alistair reassured him when he caught the look of dismay, "This one's on the house, friend. Like I said, you look like you could use it. What's your name?"

Taking another sip, he nodded his head in thanks before swallowing and answering with a small smile, "Cullen. You?"

Alistair beamed down at him and pointed dramatically to the sign above the bar that read, 'Alistair's House of Whine and Cheese'. Then he said with a slight bow, "I'm Alistair, welcome to my humble establishment."

Cullen chuckled at the name, "Wine and cheese? Did I order the wrong drink then?"

Used to this response, Alistair reached beneath the bar and produced a tray containing crackers, pretzels, and at least three different kinds of cheeses. Setting it in front of Cullen and exaggerating the H, he over-enunciated, "Wh...ine and Cheese. A place for people to come in, relax, socialize, and occasionally whine about their problems. I happen to have a gift for gab, or so I've been told. Though in all honesty, I spend more time listening than talking myself." Noticing a tall Qunari approaching the bar, Alistair excused himself. "Ah… duty calls. Take a moment to enjoy; I'll be right back." He indicated the drink and tray of food sitting before his newest guest, as he turned to serve his other guests.

Cullen watched as Alistair poured the drinks; paying particular attention to the way his shoulders rolled under the thin cotton of his t-shirt, muscles undulating as he shook one martini after another into their waiting glasses. Cullen picked at his food and hid his face behind another swig of scotch as his mind wandered:

 _Oh how I'd love to run my hands over those shoulders, wrap him in my arms, hold him tightly against my chest, feeling his body heat mix with my own, inhale the light spiciness of his cologne as I breathe him in while I lean in to kiss that tender spot just under and behind his ear…_

"~Breathe~" he heard whispered in a strangely familiar voice at his elbow, bringing him out of his daydream.

Realizing that he had, in fact, been holding his breath, he turned to question the woman as to how she seemed to be so aware of his inner thoughts, but she was already walking away giggling. This seemed to draw Alistair's attention, who turned and was now smiling brightly at him.

 _Crap! He caught me staring!_

Cullen felt his face flush, so he looked down into his drink and took another sip to try to drown out his embarrassment and pull himself together.

 _Way to go Rutherford. The first handsome face that's caught your interest in over a decade and you're going to scare him away if you're not careful._

Still, he couldn't help but steal glances here and there, when he was relatively sure that Alistair was otherwise occupied.

 _Maker's breath but he is beautiful!_

Those honey-brown eyes had already begun to melt the ice covering his heart, leaving behind an ache so profound that Cullen pondered how it could still be beating. For so long now his work had ruled over everything. His duty always came first, but this… maybe it was time to do something for himself. He'd been alone for longer than he cared to remember. But doubt still plagued his soul. Could this handsome man possibly be interested in someone as duty bound and broken as he felt most days? He knew it would take more than just one drink to build up the kind of courage he would need to ask.

Having finished up with his other customers, Alistair was now free to return to his conversation with Cullen. Turning back, he noticed that he seemed to be brooding over his now-empty glass with a myriad of emotions ghosting across his face. His heart almost broke with the pain he saw there. He wanted to fix it for him, ease his troubles and make all that anguish go away. Alistair was pretty sure that he caught him staring at him a little while ago, but now he was staring studiously anywhere but at him.

 _Did my flirting offend him somehow?_

A chair scraped the floor off to his left, pulling him out of his own thoughts. Lana was looking at him and in answer to his worry, she was shaking her head 'no'. Then she jerked her head in Cullen's direction which usually meant that it was time to put his 'bartending' skills to use. He was here to listen after all. Pouring his guest another drink, he approached the now dour faced man.

Reaching out, Alistair removed the empty glass from Cullen's grasp, their fingers brushing lightly against each other before he could replace it with a fresh drink. He thought he heard Cullen's small gasp when their skin touched. Alistair knew exactly how he felt as that single touch sent a shock through his whole body as well.

 _What in the Makers holy name is happening to me?_

Leaning against the bar once again, Alistair asked the questions he'd asked thousands of times before, but this was the first one he'd ever actually cared hearing the answers to. "So… what brings you into my fine establishment on a Tuesday night? New in town?" Looking over at Lana, he saw her shaking her head, 'no' again.

Cullen didn't miss the softening of Alistair's voice as he spoke, how it changed from the airs he'd seen him weaving with his other customers. Now it was more… _personal_? He also didn't miss the jolt as their fingers touched when he brought him another drink. Taking a tentative sip, expecting it to be the Black he'd originally ordered, Cullen was once again surprised to have the smoother, gentler Blue in his glass. Taking a deep breath, Cullen decided then and there that he really didn't have anything to lose, so he began to open up a little to the man he was inexplicably drawn to.

"Work. My work brought me to this part of town. That's not uncommon, however, it frequently does." His voice took on a note of frustration. "Tonight I was wandering, trying to come up with new angles for a case that I'm working on when I realized that I had never explored this particular street before. As I reached your door, a couple of your patrons stumbled out in front of me which caused me to stop and look around. I daresay I came upon your pub quite by accident."

 _Thank the Maker!_

Finding a little more courage from his second drink, Cullen added quietly before taking another sip, "Now I'm very glad I did."

Alistair noticed that Lana was now behind the bar taking over for him so he could stay and talk with Cullen.

 _I will have to find some way to thank her for that later._

She nodded in acknowledgement to his thoughts as he pulled up a stool and poured himself a drink to settle into talking to this gorgeous man before him.

"Case? So, that makes you…" Alistair baited him for an answer.

"A detective, though please don't hold that against me." he ventured a crooked smile at Alistair who chuckled.

"So I take it your case isn't going well?" Alistair was leading the conversation, but the more he got the man to talk, the more interesting he was to him. Not just easy on the eyes interesting, but good for the soul interesting as well.

Cullen shook his head, "Not really. A bunch of dead ends and empty leads. I'll figure it out eventually though, I usually do. Unfortunately, not all of my cases end in a happily ever after."

Concerned, he asked, "I take it with this one, you're not expecting one?"

"I can't go into details, so please don't ask for them," Cullen said in gentle warning. "But no, at this point I don't. It's a hazard of the job, I'm afraid. Those unfortunate endings usually leave me drinking at home, alone. Now that I've found this place though,"

 _…and you, Maker you're like a dream come true!_

"perhaps I will have another destination to wh-ine away my sorrows." Cullen ventured another small smile and a quick wink at the man who had pulled up a chair to sit and chat with him for a while.

Alistair chuckled softly, "Drinking alone is never as satisfying as when you're with good company. You are welcome here, anytime." He clinked his own glass against Cullen's for good measure before taking a sip.

The two men smiled at each other for a moment, lost in each other's gazes when Cullen cleared his throat and asked tentatively, "So... what about you?"

"Me?" Alistair asked hesitantly.

"You." Cullen elaborated, "Watching you interact with your customers, you smile and banter, but…if I may say so, you seem a little… I don't know, sad too. What does a"

 _...incredibly gorgeous_

 _"_ successful man, who owns his own bar, have to be unhappy about?"

 _Shit! How much of that actually came out of my mouth? Careful Rutherford!_

Alistair was taken aback. First, no one ever asked about him or seemed to care what was going on in his life, with the exception of Lana and Leliana of course. And secondly, this stranger actually seemed genuinely interested.

Taking another sip from his glass, he said with a genuine smile, "And here I thought you were in the area to investigate a different case. Am I being interrogated, Detective?"

"Commander." Cullen corrected him automatically.

"Pardon?"

"My rank… it's actually… Commander, but that's beside the point and _you're_ deflecting."

Alistair looked up and saw that Cullen was smirking at him. That was certainly a good look for him. Grinning, he said. "So I am. So I am. I will admit to rarely having anyone ask over my own well-being, not and actually mean it anyway. That might take some time getting used to."

Cullen murmured into his drink, "I've got nothing but time."

Lana wandered up and observed, "My, my. Two men, both used to asking the questions; neither prepared to give answers… whatever shall you do?" She laughed good naturedly, as she wandered off again.

Cullen watched her leave once again and said, "that's… a bit disconcerting, maybe _she_ should be a detective."

"No, no, no! Baaad Idea." Alistair actually looked mortified at the thought. "Lana's an empath as well as telepathic. She _feels_ the emotions of those around her. Working in an environment where people have bad things happen all the time would tear her apart from the inside. Trust me… we've been there. Well not _there_ exactly, but… similar. Her being a detective would be… very bad." Lana actually shuddered from her place at the other end of the bar.

Alistair continued. "You get used to her _quirks_ after a while. When you've been together as long as we have, you rarely even notice them anymore. Plus, she's usually more discrete than this, tonight she seems to be busting my chops more than usual." He looked over at the waitress in contemplation of her odd behavior then stuck his tongue out at her as she waved innocently back at them. Turning back to his guest, he continued, "Or she see's something in _you_ that makes her more comfortable to be herself. That's not a bad option either. Most likely… it's a little of both."

"Together? So you're..." Cullen felt a little crushed that this amazing man might be already spoken for.

Alistair quickly jumped in, "No! Nothing like that!" Alistair reassured him. "Maker's breath, Leliana would kill me if I ever so much as made eyes at her wife." To illustrate the point, he pointed to the musician who had finished her set and had come up next to the waitress behind the bar. Lana was taking the opportunity to show Cullen exactly who it was she belonged with.

Cullen quickly looked away and blushed into his own drink.

Alistair decided to throw out another hint towards this adorably blushing man, "Besides, she's not exactly… my type."

Cullen nodded and somehow, finding his courage, asked, "So, are you… seeing anyone?"

"Nope, nope, just me, my bar and my ridiculous love of cheese… You?" Alistair returned the question, daring to hope.

"No. Just married to my work." Cullen was looking into Alistair's eyes as he spoke and watched as they lit up with their own smile.

"Good to know." Alistair grinned a bit breathlessly. They gazed at each other for several long moments before Alistair cleared his throat and focused back on his drink. Damn those eyes were something else, if he wasn't careful, they would be the end of him actually having functioning brain cells.

Breaking the silence, Cullen ventured again, realizing that Alistair had never answered his question from earlier, "I'm sorry if my asking over you caused you any discomfort. I may not be psychic like Lana, but I am trained to _see_ what's just below the surface. Sometimes it's nice to have someone else listen for once." He took a drink while watching Alistair watch him, "I am… not unwilling, should you decide you want to talk."

"Thank you. I will certainly keep that in mind. Though I can't honestly say that I have anything tangible to be 'unhappy' about. How 'bout I think on it and get back to you."

"Is that an invitation to return?" Cullen asked hopefully.

"Well… this _is_ a public establishment." Alistair grinned at him and winked, "But… yes. I would very much like it if you did."

Finishing his second drink, Cullen grinned back, "I will certainly do that then." Looking at his watch, he groaned then grumbled, declaring, "Six o'clock comes way too early, I should probably get going and let you get back to your other customers."

Cullen reached for his wallet to pay for his drinks, but Alistair wouldn't allow it. "Nope, none of that. I told you it was on me and I meant it." Alistair winked at the Commander whose hand had paused before returning his wallet to his inner coat pocket.

"Very well. Then you also have my thanks." Cullen smiled at him then said, "I hope to see you again, Alistair."

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Cullen." Alistair told his new favorite customer as he donned his coat and headed for the door.

Before he stepped outside, Cullen thought he heard Lana say something to Alistair who responded laughingly, "Oh Hush you! Mind your own business!"

Heading back towards where he parked his Jeep, Cullen had a genuine smile on his face for the first time in he couldn't remember how long. He looked once more over his shoulder at the sign with the giant wheel of cheese on it and a wine glass in its center. He knew for a fact that he would be back. Probably sooner than he should be, but the tug on his heart already told him that he wouldn't be able to stay away for long.

* * *

**Alistair's philosophy on bartending, I owe to my friend Sara Ri who tends bar in Southern California. One day she was ranting about work and said, "A bartender can make the single greatest cocktail in the universe, but if their service doesn't make the guest feel special, then the guest won't think it's the greatest cocktail in the universe. It's all about how the guest perceives your service."

Incidentally, it was Sara who introduced me-initially-to the joys of Dragon Age: Origins. Granted, it took me 3 years after she was singing the game's praises for me to pick up my first used copy... Thanks Sara... this is all your damn fault! ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary:**

With a little help from my friends... takes on a whole new meaning!  
Enter Dorian to help 'encourage' things along!

 **Notes:**

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Possible triggers in this chapter: Panic Attack: in a safe environment while in the company of a trained therapist; Mention of PTSD**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 2**

Some Friendly Encouragement Part 1

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Cullen's monotonous schedule took on a whole new routine after that first evening at Alistair's. Slowly becoming one of their Tuesday/Thursday night regulars, he would finish his shift, hop in his Jeep, and head downtown to visit with his new friends while he wound down from the day's stresses. The mellow atmosphere was enjoyable, the music was pleasant: the bard's lilting voice imbedding soothing refrains into his subconscious. Lana and Leliana were always friendly and warm, but ultimately, it was the owner's easy banter that kept drawing him back in.

The smile that lit up Alistair's face when Cullen walked in, would lift his heart even after the most trying day. Their conversations were friendly and relaxed, even playful. There was something about the way he would lean into the bar while they talked that made Cullen feel like he was someone important. Not, 'Commander' important, that he was already used to; just… important.

A part of him knew that it was a bartender's job to make people feel welcome and comfortable. He witnessed Alistair sharing that same smile with other patrons who came in, yet he didn't care. Cullen came back-night after night-to fill that hole in his life he only recently acknowledged. Somehow, Alistair could make it feel like he was happier to see Cullen than all the others. It didn't matter that he probably didn't return Cullen's growing infatuation. As long as he didn't cross the line of propriety, Cullen could come in, relax, and pretend for an evening that he was somebody to someone.

* * *

One Friday, almost two months into this new routine, Cullen received a text message from his best friend in Minrathous.

 **[15:30]**

 **Dorian** **:** Are you busy?

 **Cullen:** No more than usual.

 **Dorian:** Work is bringing me your way next week. Have space for a wayward vagabond for a couple of nights?

 **Cullen:** Of course, are you ready for the rematch?

 **Dorian:** Are you so eager to lose to me again?

 **Cullen:** At last tally, you were down four games, _Mage_.

 **Dorian:** Well then, it's past time for you to lose, _Templar_.

 **Cullen:** You're on! When will you be arriving?

 **Dorian:** Tuesday.

 **[15:45]**

 **Dorian:** Cullen?

 **Cullen:** Sorry, um. Do you still have your key?

 **Dorian:** You busy on a case?

 **Cullen:** Not exactly…

 **Dorian:** Hot date?

 **[15:50]**

 **Cullen:** …Well I…

 **Dorian:** Venhedis! What haven't you told me?

 **Dorian:** Why am I the last to know?

 **Dorian:** Who's the lucky guy?

 **Dorian:** How'd you meet?

 **Dorian:** Is he as handsome as I am?

 **Dorian:** Never mind that, no one looks _this_ good.

 **Dorian:** Dammit Man! Answer me!

 **[15:53]**

 **Cullen:** It's not like that… I just…

 **Dorian:** Oh ho! I see! Haven't built up the nerve to make your move yet, huh?

 **Cullen:** You know me too well. I don't… actually know if he's interested.

 **Dorian:** You need a strong dose of confidence to nudge you along and a fabulous judge of character! Good thing I'm coming to visit!

 **Cullen:** You're incorrigible.

 **Dorian:** You're Welcome. So, where will I find you on Tuesday?

 **Cullen:** I'll find _you_. What time is your train arriving?

 **[16:10]**

 **Cullen:** Dorian?

 **Dorian:** Sorry had to check, I come in at eight p.m.

 **Cullen:** Okay, I'll pick you up at the station.

 **Dorian:** Don't be late!

 **Cullen:** Yes, dear.

* * *

Setting his phone down, Cullen sighed. He usually enjoyed his visits with Dorian, they were few and far between lately. But something told him that his friend from Tevinter was going to be more trouble than he was worth this trip. Still, he wouldn't be in until eight o'clock, which meant that he would still have time for a quick trip to Alistair's on his way to the train station. That thought alone, brought a smile to his face.

Cullen waited- _impatiently_ -to be able to go back to Alistair's again. The Thursday to Tuesday wait was getting more and more difficult for him. On more than one occasion, he even pondered going in on one of his _off_ days, just to fill the gap. But he couldn't bring himself to break out of his routine. The anticipation drove him; and by the time Tuesday rolled around again, he was positively giddy and unable to wait for his shift to end so he could go see that charming man again.

He _almost_ felt guilty for the little infatuation he let himself indulge in. He was convinced that, as long as he kept to a predictable schedule, he wouldn't cross any lines or upset the comfortable balance they'd come to enjoy. It'd been too long since Cullen felt any spark for anyone. Whether _this_ went anywhere or not, he was content to just enjoy it. Whatever _this_ was… or wasn't; it was enough.

This particular Tuesday, Cullen was happily sitting at the bar enjoying his Blue. Alistair still refused to give him anything less and stubbornly refused payment no matter how hard Cullen tried. He even attempted challenging Alistair; the winner gets to pay the tab. They played pool, cards, and even thumb wrestled; but Alistair always managed to win. The _one_ time Cullen beat him at darts, Lana came up behind them and split his bullseye with one throw of a dart. She announced that since she won, he still wouldn't be allowed to pay. As tiny as she was, Cullen new better than to cross her. To allay the costs to the bar itself, Cullen limited himself to one drink per visit.

Knowing that he didn't have much time, with Dorian arriving in just over an hour, Cullen was determined to enjoy as much of it as possible. It was a fairly quiet night. Lana was currently taking a break, sitting on the edge of the stage drinking in every note of her wife's beautiful voice. Cullen enjoyed seeing how happy the two women were together. He was convinced, that if ever there was a couple made for each other, it was Lana and Leliana Surana.

Looking over at Alistair with barely concealed longing, he wondered if he could ever be so lucky. The object of his hidden affection was currently delivering drinks to the only other patron in the place. Sighing quietly to himself, Cullen pondered how he would explain his change in routine for the night. Would it seem strange to them that Dorian was coming to stay with him for a couple of days? Would that information even matter? He certainly didn't want to give off the wrong idea.

His biggest fear currently was that Alistair would think he and Dorian were in a relationship, but he didn't know exactly why that thought bothered him. It's not as if they'd ever discussed becoming more than what they were. The only time the subject of their relationship status was discussed, was on the day they met. That was almost eight weeks ago, for all he knew, Alistair was already seeing someone else.

 _You worry too much Rutherford, you know that there is nothing between you and Alistair any more than there is between you and Dorian. It's just a comfortable friendship and your one-way infatuation. He won't care one way or another._

Shaking his head to clear the negative thoughts, Cullen checked his watch to make sure that he wouldn't be late picking up his friend.

"Someplace you'd rather be tonight?" Alistair asked with a smirk, having successfully snuck up on the distracted detective.

Cullen smiled sheepishly at being startled, "No... Not exactly." Taking a breath, he decided that it was as good a time as any to bring up the subject of him leaving early, "A friend is coming into town tonight. I'm supposed to pick them up at the train station at eight and I shouldn't be late or I'll never hear the end of it. I still have about an hour before I need to leave though."

Unsure of what to make of that information, Alistair tried to ignore the tightening in his chest and decided to inquire further, "A… good friend?"

So distracted by the turn of their conversation, Alistair barely registered the door opening or the entrance of a new customer. He was normally very good at greeting everyone as they came in; now, he was only dimly aware that Lana had said 'Hello and Welcome' in his mind's absence.

Cullen shifted uncomfortably on his stool, "I suppose. We've known each other for years." Pausing for a moment, he decided that all information was better than half-truths that could easily be misinterpreted, "He's a doctor from Tevinter. We met about 10 years ago… under some pretty stressful circumstances. Though his main office is in Minrathous, he has a second clinic here in Denerim and comes to town a few times per year to check on it and to do research. Since he's not here that often, he usually just crashes on my couch when he's in town."

Alistair wasn't sure what to make of this new information. Only vaguely aware of a new shadow approaching them slowly, all he could think of was that Cullen would have another man staying with him. He didn't know why that bothered him so much. Cullen even said that the visitor sleeps on the couch when he stays, but Alistair's head was spinning at the prospect of something more.

"He?" Alistair finally managed to say, sounding far too strangled for his liking.

The shadow in his peripheral vision came into focus directly behind and to the right of the handsome Commander. There, stood a tall, slender man, wearing a cape-like-coat draped over one shoulder. He had dark, mocha colored skin, black hair, piercing brown eyes and a mustache that he appeared to spend way too much time preening. The new face smiled brightly at him, though Alistair's eyes zeroed in on his left hand which was laying-much too comfortably-on Cullen's shoulder; rubbing it affectionately. Cullen stiffened at the initial contact, but did not pull away, his eyes trained studiously on the glass in his hands.

Before he had time to fully process what was happening, the new arrival reached his right hand towards Alistair and offered, "That 'he' you were discussing, must be me! Please allow me to introduce myself; I am Dorian of House Pavus, most recently from Minrathous. I am a distinguished Doctor of Psychology at the University of Tevinter and as my friend mentioned, I also have a clinic here in Denerim. Before you ask, because how could you not? My area of expertise is: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders and their subsequent success at re-integrating into society. I'm sure you must have heard of me and my fantastic research breakthroughs, they really are quite something!" He said the last, patting then squeezing Cullen's shoulder, looking at him with nothing short of fondness before looking back at Alistair, "And who might you be?"

Shaking his hand hesitantly, Alistair responded with a tight lipped smile, "My name is Alistair, welcome to my pub."

Cullen's head dropped down on his arms on top of the bar. Grumbling something unintelligible, he gripped tightly to his half empty glass.

"What was that Amatus?" Dorian smirked at his obviously uncomfortable friend.

Alistair's head snapped back to Dorian at the familiar term of endearment.

 _Amatus? Shit! That means there_ _is… something between them. There goes any chance I may have had._

Alistair sighed sadly to himself, but was determined to be happy for his friend.

Growling into his arms, Cullen mumbled louder to Dorian, "I thought you weren't getting here until eight."

Dorian grinned unabashedly, "Funny thing that… I lied. I am known to do that from time to time."

Looking at Alistair with his hand still on Cullen's shoulder, Dorian began to rub small circles that Alistair couldn't keep his eyes off of. "His Lieutenant was kind enough to tell me where the dear, Commander has been whiling away his off hours lately since he so hesitant to pick me up this evening. I simply _had_ to see for myself what was so important that he would feel the need to make _me_ wait." Dorian smiled, looking Alistair up and down, "Now I see what all the fuss was about."

Feeling like Dorian was undressing him with his eyes, Alistair's smile faded completely.

 _How dare this cocky ass saunter in here and stake claim to my_ … my _what? My… nothing. Calm down Al… let it go. The least you can be is happy for Cullen._

Shaking his head to clear the rush of emotions washing over and confusing him: disappointment, sadness, heartbreak; Alistair tried to regain his figurative footing. The man across from him, that he'd been harboring a secret crush on, seemed to be already taken. Had he missed that conversation somewhere? Was this new? An old fling come to call?

 _He called him… Amatus. Doesn't that mean… love?_

Lana rose from her perch on the stage to approach Alistair at the bar. Gathering glasses on the way to give her an excuse to grab his attention and hopefully get him to relax. He'd missed her usual cues to look at her so she could assuage his fears. With his focus finally on her, she smiled encouragingly and shook her head minutely to let Alistair know that his fears were unfounded. She passed over the glasses with a gentle touch on his hand before backing away hoping that he would keep her in sight so she could help him should he need it.

Alistair knew Lana was there to encourage him, he trusted her to always have his back. But in her coming over, he'd missed part of the exchange between Dorian and Cullen, who was still face down on the bar. As Alistair approached, he saw a beet red, Cullen finally look up from his arms to acknowledge the tall man standing next to him.

"How has Bull put up with you all these years?" He grumbled.

Dorian responded with a devious grin, "He's just lucky I guess. Can't get enough of my devilish charm and rapier wit!"

Looking between the two men, Alistair asked blandly, "Bull is?"

Looking apologetically at Alistair, Cullen responded before Dorian could open his mouth again to make his night even worse. "Bull is _his_ husband." He wanted Alistair to know, beyond anything else, that his friend was already taken and in no way romantically involved with him.

Relief and the return of hope began to wash through Alistair as Dorian described his spouse, "Huge, handsome Qunari, puts up with my shit beautifully, if I do say so myself. Granted, he's also very…"

Cullen chimed in, "Possessive?"

Laughing, Dorian nodded, "I was going to say, cautious over my ability to literally charm the pants off of anybody." He directed his next statement towards Alistair, "The only person I get _permission_ to come visit is this surly one here. He's too duty bound and ruled by honor to tarnish my sterling reputation or pose any sort of a threat to my… devoted husband."

Cullen groaned audibly as he finished his drink, wishing there was more in the glass than what was currently there.

Looking at Cullen once again, Dorian inquired, "Hey, how many of those have you had? I hope you're still ok to drive, you know I never learned how."

"Apparently not enough to find you being _here_ amusing. And I'm fine to drive, I'd never let you drive my Jeep anyway." He smiled at Alistair as he passed him his empty glass, "Looks like my time is up sooner than I thought it would be tonight. See you Thursday?" Cullen quirked a crooked smile hopefully.

That smile alone eased Alistair's heart and the gentle brush of their fingers, lingering a tad longer than they needed to as he had passed him the glass, sent the usual tingles through his body.

Shaking off the last of his dread and content once again with the knowledge that Cullen would be back to see him, he responded with a chuckle, "I look forward to it." As an afterthought, he turned to the doctor, "It was nice to meet you, Dorian. Will you be joining him on Thursday as well?"

Cullen quickly responded, "No! Not if I can help it." Then looked pointedly at Dorian, " _He_ will be busy with his research. _Won't_ you."

Dorian pouted dramatically, "You never take me anywhere fun!"

"It's your husband's job to cater to your whims, not mine." Cullen bantered back easily.

"Truthfully, I only have tomorrow and Thursday morning to complete my research. There are some tomes at the University and Chantry which I don't have back home that I need to look into. I will be returning to the train station Thursday night."

Cullen looked at Dorian and nodded, "Short trip this time?"

"Yes, Bull gets into trouble if I leave him for too long."

Cullen grinned with relief at his friend, "Problem solved then."

Grabbing his coat, he held the door for Dorian while he cast one last look at Alistair. Waving his goodbye, Cullen stepped out into the night.

So used to his friend's lack of personal boundaries, Cullen didn't flinch as Dorian threaded their arms together while they walked towards the Jeep. Neither was he smiling any longer however, as the annoyance of his friend's intrusion washed over him.

Squeezing Cullen's arm, Dorian began to tease him, "He's… very handsome."

"Oh come on Dorian, you know you didn't have to come all the way down here to embarrass me like that!"

"You know you wouldn't have brought me down to meet him yourself. How would I ever have seen your sexy little redhead otherwise?"

Approaching the Jeep, Cullen noticed Dorian's bag already in the back seat, "I thought you looked like you were traveling a little light. What happened to my wards? Why do I even bother locking this thing?"

Chuckling, Dorian offered, "The wards are only there to keep out people and things that mean you harm, not me my dear. Why would I set wards to keep myself out? What a silly thought!" He smiled smugly to his friend.

"Your intent to sabotage me tonight should have been enough to set them off." Cullen gruffed before changing the subject as they climbed in, "Why have you never learned how to drive Dorian?"

"I've never had to. Growing up, we always had servants who drove us, and in a city like Minrathous, public transportation is everywhere. I can get wherever I want to go at any hour of the day. And if that fails, I have other _unorthodox_ modes of transportation for getting around to my more common haunts." Dorian wiggled his fingers at Cullen who chuckled at his antics. A comfortable silence fell over the car as they traveled towards the other side of town.

Knowing it would come up eventually, Cullen opted to rip off the bandage and face the music now, "Well? Go ahead and let me have it."

"Whatever do you mean?" Dorian responded with mock innocence.

"I know you're about to impart your infinite wisdom on me, so you might as well get it out of your system sooner rather than later." He dreaded the inevitable, but Cullen always preferred to face things head on.

Laughing, Dorian consented, "Weeeellll… He _is_ easy on the eyes."

Cheeks tinged pink, Cullen grinned as he drove, "I think so."

"I noticed that you didn't pay for your drink."

Cullen shrugged and admitted, "I've tried, believe me. He… never lets me."

Nodding his approval, Dorian continued, "That's a good sign. You go there a lot I take it? I never pictured you a bar fly."

Taking a breath, Cullen began, "I've never had a reason to hang out in bars before. They're usually too loud and impersonal. When I discovered Alistair's, I found it neither loud nor impersonal." Cullen smiled to himself remembering his many encounters with the handsome bartender, "I've been going every Tuesday and Thursday ever since."

Dorian laughed good naturedly, "You _do_ like your schedules. So… Redhead huh? You know Bull is going to be so jealous. I can't wait to tell him!"

Blushing profusely, Cullen lamented, "You two aren't going to let me live this down are you?"

"What… and miss out on all that adorable blushing you do?" Cullen shook his head to try to clear his embarrassment as Dorian continued, "So tell dear ol' Doctor Dorian how he can help you get the boy."

Suddenly serious, Cullen responded, "I don't need your help, Dorian. I'm doing just fine."

Dorian laughed, "Oh are you? Do you have his number yet?"

Cullen hesitated a moment before responding, "Well… not exactly."

"What's his family name?" Dorian inquired.

"Uh…" Cullen hedged.

"Have you kissed him yet?"

"Maker Dorian, leave it alone!" Cullen was getting irritated. "I told you, I'm fine!" He said heatedly.

Dorian turned and stared intently at his friend driving. Watching quietly for a moment, he noticed that Cullen gripped the steering wheel a little too tightly, worrying away at the leather covering, and his cheeks were redder than he'd ever seen them before. "Well, well, well, I never thought I'd see the day. Cullen Rutherford is falling in love." Dorian's voice became serious, but was still tinged with amusement and an overlay of affection.

"What? I am not! How could I… we haven't even…" Cullen sputtered.

Dorian asked gently, "Does he make you feel like you're the most important person in the room?"

Cullen sighed as he thought about it, "Always. But that doesn't mean anything, he's a bartender, that's what he does for everybody."

"And when you touch, do you feel it like lightning down to your toes?" Dorian spoke from the heart-from experience.

Taking a shuddering breath, Cullen responded, "I... do. Every time."

"When you are away from him, do you feel the pull to be with him to the point of distraction?"

Cullen gulped, unable to verbally respond, he just nodded. Excitement and fear emanating from him.

"I only have one more question for you, my friend. Before I ask it though, I need you to know that here, with me, you are safe. Are you ready for my question?"

Shaking his head, Cullen delayed their conversation, "Give me a moment, we're almost home." He was used to his ex-therapist's gentle lead-ups and knew that he wouldn't like whatever it was Dorian was about to ask. Cullen pulled into his parking spot and turned off the Jeep.

Knowing that he'd done his best to limit the danger, Cullen allowed Dorian to ask his question, trusting him implicitly, "Ok, what did you want to ask?"

Nodding his approval of Cullen's safety measures, he began carefully, "If said that you could never see him again, how does that make you feel?" The doctor finished his question in a whisper. He knew that the answer could potentially cause Cullen genuine pain which could in turn trigger one of Cullen's flashbacks. He watched and waited as the distress passed over his friend's features.

Cullen tightened his grip on the steering wheel as his breathing came in gasps.

Trying to calm himself as he'd been trained, he began to focus on his breathing-slow, deep, deliberate. As he regained control, he answered honestly, "Sssick to my stomach, my head… hurts, and it's hard… to breathe. My chest is tight and my extremities are beginning to tingle. There's spots…" He waved vaguely in front of his eyes, indicating it was effecting his vision, suddenly grateful that he had the foresight to stop the Jeep before letting Dorian ask his question.

Stroking his shoulder, Dorian tried to soothe Cullen's anxiety, "Breathe, my friend. I'm not going to keep you from him. You are safe here, calm… in complete control. Breathe. That's it. You are doing so good. Stay with me." Dorian's soothing cadence helped to ground Cullen as he encouraged him to focus back on their discussion at hand.

"I am sorry to put you through that and now I must be the bearer of further bad news. Or, as I see it, the bearer of _good news_ , my friend. It is quite plain to see that you… are falling in love with that charming redhead and by that visceral reaction, I'd say that you are falling hard."

Letting his chin hit his chest, Cullen slumped in his seat and whispered, "What am I going to do Dorian?"

"Do? What do you mean? This is a good thing, a glorious thing!"

"Dorian, he's gorgeous! He's funny, he makes me smile even after the toughest days at work. He's all I ever think about. He's all I've ever wanted… and more!" Cullen's voice was tinged with panic.

Continuing to stroke his shoulder, Dorian asked, "So? What's the problem?"

"I... don't know how to do this. I'm totally out of my league here." Cullen's panic came back in full force as he began to hyperventilate.

Dorian slid back into his doctor voice, "Cullen, listen to me. I need you to focus, calm down, and breathe!"

Taking several deep, cleansing breaths, Cullen calmed himself enough to admit, "That's what Lana's always telling me."

"Oh? Who's Lana? Should I be jealous that you're seeing another therapist on the side?"

Shaking his head, Cullen explained, "She's the waitress at Alistair's; and you haven't been my _official_ counselor in the better part of a decade." He reminded his friend.

"So, I take it this, Lana, knows how you feel about Alistair?"

Cullen shrugged, "We've never really talked about it. She just… Lana is… has… certain abilities."

"Oh? Do tell!" Dorian perked up with interest.

"She's a _reader_ , for lack of a better term. She can read people's thoughts and emotions, though she doesn't seem able to project them back. Not that I've seen anyway, she usually responds verbally when she has picked up something from me."

Dorian gasped, "You just _let_ her in? I would expect you of all people to shield yourself from that." He seemed appalled yet intrigued by this little revelation.

"Normally, I would. But there's something about her that puts me at ease, she seems... familiar and safe, though I've never been able to put my finger on why."

"Maybe it's because she works for the man you're secretly drooling over. And he is quite tasty, I can see your attraction."

"I thought you liked your men… larger… with horns."

"Mmmm… I do love my Bull; that doesn't mean I can't appreciate a more petite figure here and there."

Cullen snorted, "I wouldn't necessarily consider Alistair… petite."

"Compared to Bull?"

"Compared to Bull… _I_ look small!"

"My point exactly! So, tell me more about Lana. With your past, I would expect you to walk a little more cautiously around someone with that type of… access to your mind. Yet, you didn't seem on guard at all when I came in."

"I don't feel like I'm in danger there. In the beginning, some of her _insights,_ would take me by surprise, but I've never sensed anything malevolent from Lana. I get the feeling that her abilities are both a gift and a curse, so she actively tries to respect others' privacy by keeping her own shields up. From what I've gathered, she doesn't like to intrude any more than we want her eavesdropping. If it were anyone else… if she treated her ability any differently… it's hard to say how I would react."

"I have a pretty good idea. It took you quite a while to trust me in the beginning."

"Yes, but I was a hot mess when I was first assigned to you."

"That you were! But look how far you've come! A romantic interest within sights, a skilled empath in your vicinity, and yet, you still looked comfortable, calm, and relaxed when I first saw you sitting at the bar tonight. You are definitely not the same man that I met ten years ago."

"You're lucky you're alive! I was not so trustful of mages when we met."

Dorian laughed, "That is an understatement! Unfortunately, you had cause and I was patient, look how far we've come." He smiled with genuine affection before asking, "So does Lana share my penchant for things of the arcane? I don't think I've met a physic or empath yet that didn't have at least some magical ability."

"I suspect as much, though her energy feels very different than yours and I've yet to see her manipulate the forces that surround her. Mostly she just teases me, she's always coming by and reminding me to breathe when I've gotten lost in one fantasy or another regarding Alistair."

"Oh?… he takes your breath away as well? And frequently, by the sound of it. You may be more far gone than I had originally thought." Dorian clicked his tongue at his friend. "So… new friends and a hot man, when are you going to ask him out?"

Cullen groaned audibly, "I don't know, Dorian, I'm a complete mess! Why would someone so… perfect want to go out with someone like me?"

"No one's perfect, Cullen. Everyone has baggage; things in their past they'd rather forget about."

"I don't know if I can do this. I'm just not ready. I like hanging out with all of them, and yes, he's easy on the eyes. But I just… maybe we should just be friends."

Clapping him on the shoulder, the once-therapist informed Cullen, "Psh… from what I've seen so far, you are more than ready! And it's a good thing I'm here. I think you and Alistair are already past that 'just friends' stage. The way you look at him and the way he looks at you…"

"You can't be serious."

"Oh, I _am_ serious. You just need to admit the obvious."

"And what is that?"

"That you've got it bad for this… Alistair."

Cullen whispered to himself, "I do. I really do."

Congratulating his friend, Dorian said, "Good, good. Now that that's out of the way, you need to accept the fact that Alistair is interested in you as well."

"I don't know about that Dorian; he treats all of his customers like he treats me. He's just... that nice to everyone."

"You didn't notice the look he gave me when I put my hand on your shoulder, did you?"

Cullen looked up confused.

"My friend, if looks could kill, you'd be calling Bull right now and having to explain the awkward circumstances."

Cullen chuckled at the thought, shaking his head in disbelief.

Dorian asked sadly, "You truly don't see it do you?"

"See what?" Cullen managed to look more confused than before.

"My friend, when you finally find the nerve to kiss him, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."

Cullen hummed to himself thinking about kissing those lips. It wasn't a new fantasy. He'd been dreaming about kissing them since the first day he stumbled into the bar.

"Was it good?" Dorian asked with a smirk on his face; interrupting Cullen's thoughts.

"Hmm? What's that?"

Laughing out loud, Dorian declared, "Whatever fantasy that was that caused your tongue to flick across your lips like that! Makes me wish Bull was here with me. We'd have to take over your room again, of course."

Appalled, Cullen exclaimed, "You broke my bed the last time! The next time you bring him with you, you're staying in a hotel!"

"We replaced it!"

"That's not the point!"

"The point is; you should do something about it. In all the time I've known you, how many times have you…."

Taken aback, Cullen all but squeaked with indignance, "That's none of your business!"

"You haven't… have you?" Dorian touched his shoulder again in comfort and understanding.

"You know why I can't Dorian." Cullen growled out in a defeated whisper.

"Are you still having flashbacks?"

Shaking his head, no, Cullen then shrugged and said, "Not as often, but every once in a while something catches me by surprise. I don't want to hurt anyone… especially him. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

Dorian reassured him, "I think you need to give yourself more credit. Besides, did you see the muscles under that tight t-shirt of his? I bet there is more to your charming bartender than just a guy that likes to work out. He could probably hold his own against you."

Cullen had in fact noticed, countless times. "You're just trying to get me to let him know that I'm interested."

Dorian smirked, "You won't know until you try."

Wistfully, Cullen lamented, "You mean, I can't just continue to go in twice a week and enjoy the view?"

Dorian laughed, "You could… it is a very nice view. But let me tell you from experience, having a partner is infinitely better than using your hand."

Cullen snorted in laughter, "You're bad! And I have had actual sexual experiences, thank you very much, I am well aware of the differences."

"Where? At the Pearl?" Dorian referred to the brothel in the seedier part of Denerim.

Cullen looked mortified, "Maker NO! You know I couldn't take on something like that so lightly."

"So… When?" Dorian looked on with genuine curiosity as this was something Cullen never spoke of.

"There was... a fellow Templar. We went through training together and got lucky enough to be stationed at our first post together as well. We were… close, but it never felt like _this_. We grew up together, so it began with just experimenting and… grew from there." Cullen spoke quietly of his past, touching on memories that had been long buried.

Dorian was almost afraid to ask, "What… happened to him?"

Cullen shrugged. "I got transferred. Last I heard, he had received permission from the chantry to marry and now has three kids."

Resting a hand on his friend's shoulder, he whispered, "I'm sorry."

Smiling with acceptance, Cullen countered, "Don't be. He's happy and I… had my own trials to endure. I am thankful that I didn't have to drag anyone else through that with me and I'm grateful that he wasn't there for it… He wouldn't have survived. No one else did, but me." He shook his head trying to clear away the memories.

Dorian was surprised that Cullen had mentioned that particular part of his past. It was something few knew about; something he never spoke of outside of their old sessions together. Focusing instead on the ex-lover, he asked, "You cared for him?"

He smiled sadly before admitting, "I did. I probably always will. But that was a lifetime ago." Sitting for a moment in contemplation, Cullen made a conscious decision, "I think I would like to move on from all of that now."

Dorian almost cheered, "It's about time!" He wrapped one arm around his friend in a lopsided hug, "So, should we turn your car back on and head back to the bar then?"

Cullen laughed while correcting his friend, "It's a _Jeep_ Dorian, not a car. Are you trying to get out of that chess match? Afraid you're going to lose?"

"Car, Jeep, what's the difference?" Dorian said flippantly, "And there is nothing that a Pavus fears!"

Getting out of the Jeep and grabbing his friend's bag, Cullen teased, "Except maybe clashing clothes or muddy shoes."

Looking horrified, Dorian gasped before replying, "Perish the thought!"

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Aww - what would Cullen do without Dorian?!  
I have to say, writing some of their banter makes me very happy!

And poor Alistair... getting bit by that green eyed monster! ;)  
These two may take some nudging... but they'll get there!

 ****This work will have weekly updates****  
Unless you're really good, then you may get bonus chapters!  
Stay tuned and subscribe for easier updates!  
Favorites, Reviews, Follows also welcome!

* * *

This labor of love wouldn't be what it is without the efforts of  
two dear souls who have deemed my little idea worthy of their time and editing skills!  
My eternal gratitude goes out to Connie_Flint and Ponticle for their encouragement,  
direction, and the occasional ruler across the knuckles (to keep me in line)!  
Thank you ladies! You are the best!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary:**

With a little help from my friends... takes on a whole new meaning!

Enter Lana, Leliana - some levity

and of course a wrench thrown into the plan!

 **Notes:**

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**

 **All twisted perversions therein,**

 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 3**

Some Friendly Encouragement Part 2

* * *

 **Wednesday**

Alistair leaned against the bar with his chin resting in the palm of his hand. His gaze fixed on the spot where Cullen usually sat. It was easy to picture him there, even in his absence; so predictable was he in his quirky mannerisms and regular routines.

 _Oh, if only it were Thursday._

Cullen would walk through the door and pause to look the room over. His eyes always rested on each customer as he scanned, making it obvious that he was getting a read on the room. Immediately after his initial overview, his gaze traveled first to Leliana on her stage, then to Lana with the same smile and nod of hello before finally seeking out Alistair behind the bar. The way his eyes would light up to match his smile, when they finally locked gazes, made Alistair feel like he'd been the prize Cullen sought all along; like he'd saved the best for last.

 _Don't be silly Alistair. He's just another customer, looking to unwind at the end of the day. So what, if he gives you butterflies and makes your knee's weak, that doesn't mean he feels the same way. And yet…_

There's something about the way his shoulders always relax as he eases into his seat, almost like he's found comfort, just by being here. The fact that he established a regular routine, adding a stop by the pub for a few hours, a couple times per week…

 _Could there be something there? Could he be coming in just to see me? Could I be so lucky?_

Shaking his head, Alistair tried to dismiss that line of thinking. The anticipation that built up between Cullen's visits, was starting to get the better of him. It wasn't healthy to feel drawn to someone so quickly; especially a customer.

 _Was it?_

They'd fallen into a comfortable dance, around each other, their banter flowed freely; it felt right, relaxed… _natural_. The newness of it all was like coming home after a long mission, coming up for air, or finally being awake after a lifetime of dreaming.

 _You're such a sap Al! This has to be all in your head, Cullen has given no real indication that he feels the same way. He's just a friend; no more, no less. Accept it for what it is and let the rest go. It'll be easier for you in the long run. What would he see in you anyway… you're a bartender… and he's…_

Alistair sighed heavily, catching himself reaching for the high end bottle of Johnny Walker, preparing to pour Cullen's drink. Lost in his fantasy and inner dialogue, he'd forgotten that today wasn't a day that Cullen would be coming in.

It was Wednesday. The bar was slower than usual with only a few patrons having already come and gone. Slow nights like this left Alistair with far too much time on his hands to dwell in his own head.

Placing the bottle back on the shelf, he felt Lana come up behind him and lay her cheek against the side of his arm. Sparing her a tight lipped smile, he leaned into her touch for comfort.

"Wednesdays aren't your favorite day I take it?"

Alistair responded sarcastically, "Gee, you must be psychic!"

Lana chuckled, "I don't have to see that handsome detective in your head to know that you're mooning over the fact that he won't be in tonight. Even Leliana has said something about the way you're behaving."

Sighing wistfully, Alistair bowed his head, "I'm sorry, I can't help it."

"When are you going to do something about it, Ali?" Lana asked curiously.

He bit back, "Why won't you tell me what you two talk about, huh? Why won't you tell me what you hear in _his_ head?" Alistair was only half serious in his query, he knew her too well to think that she'd share something so personal on someone else's behalf. He respected that about her but it didn't stop him from wanting to whine about it.

She responded sternly, "You know why Alistair."

Giving her his biggest, saddest puppy eyes, he begged dramatically, "Lana, please?" He was just playing with her now, using the distraction to get his mind off of Cullen.

She wasn't budging, "No Alistair. His thoughts are his own and though he doesn't seem to take offense at my _unintentional eavesdropping_ , I will not take advantage of that! Not even for you."

Alistair stuck his tongue out at her, "Spoil sport! Not even a hint? A teeny tiny little one?" He began whimpering like a hurt mabari.

Laughing while pushing him away, she asked, "What are you so worried about?"

Alistair took a deep breath before unleashing his worries on her, "What if he's not interested? What if he laughs at me? What if he's angry? What if, when I admit my feelings, that ruins the friendship we've just started? Lana, I've never felt like this before. Ever! The last thing I want to do is ruin it before it can even get started." He knew he was whining again, but he didn't care. It's not like he could keep it from _her_ anyway.

Leliana joined them behind the bar, "Lana, I think our dear Alistair… is in love!"

Alistair's eyes widened with panic. "Shhh, Leli! Keep it down!"

She chuckled, "No one's even in here Alistair, who's going to hear?"

Looking around, he said in a conspiratorial whisper, " _He_ could come in!"

"It's _Wednesday_ , Alistair, you should know by now that he sticks to his schedule. He won't be coming in, no matter how hard you wish it."

Sighing in defeat, he admitted, "I know. Doesn't keep me from wishing it though. And _that_ is purely beside the point."

Leliana poked him in the ribs as she laid it out for him, "The point being… that _you_ Alistair Theirin; fearless slayer of darkspawn and demons… are afraid!"

Alistair laid his head down on the bar and whimpered, "Lana, please make her stop!"

Lana laughed lightly but her only response was to rub Alistair's back to reassuringly.

The relentless bard continued, "You are too afraid to put your heart on the line; to admit to yourself that you've fallen helplessly in love with our strapping, Commander."

Groaning, Alistair countered, "So what if I have? What if I am? It's not as if my feelings are reciprocated."

"Oh Alistair. We wouldn't push you so much if we didn't think he wasn't interested too." Leliana said soothingly.

Lana finally chimed back in, "We want you to find the happiness we know you deserve, Ali. Have we ever steered you wrong?"

"Weeelll… there was that one time with Morrigan." Alistair reminded her, "I'm still waiting for _that_ to come back and bite me in the ass."

Lana sighed her apology, "And we are both alive today because of it. Alistair you know I am eternally grateful to you for that night!"

"As am I." Leliana reached over to take her wife's hand.

Throwing one arm around each of them, Alistair hugged them both to him before admitting reluctantly, "I know. And only for the two of you, would I… consider… doing it again. It's just…" He shuddered.

Leliana finished his thought with a giggle, "It's _just_... that she's not your tall, handsome police detective with those piercing eyes and crooked smile with that little scar upon his lip?"

Lana's giggle joined in, "Ooh Lel, Alistair really likes that scar… you should see the kinds of things he fantasizes about doing to that scar…"

Alistair groaned again. Taking off his apron, he threw it at Lana playfully. "Whatever happened to keeping the sanctity of people's thoughts to yourself, huh?"

"But you make it so much fun to tease you!" She hung his apron on its appropriate hook before finishing her thought, "And it's just Leliana, you know she can see how you drool over him, the same as anyone else. It's not as if your big crush is a secret or anything!"

"Ugh! I need to go… take a cold shower or something. You two don't mind closing up do you? K-thanks!" Alistair began to walk off.

Leliana teased, "Hey Alistair… What if _he_ comes in?"

He disappeared into the backroom, but hollered back so they could hear him, "Like you said… it's Wednesday." Suddenly, Alistair's head popped back around the corner. With a wink and his hand held up to his ear like a telephone, he said, "But if he does come in… Call me!"

The girls laughed at his antics before Leliana looked at Lana pointedly, "Go talk with him. He may need more of a nudge… and a word of caution, like we talked about. Best if it comes from you, m'love."

"How much do you think I should tell him?"

"He doesn't need everything, that's Cullen's place to tell him anyway. Just… tell him to go slow with our dear Commander. I think that will be enough for now."

Kissing her wife swiftly, Lana raced to catch up with her best friend. He was almost to the bottom of his stairs when she called out, "Alistair?"

"Yeeessss?" He sing-songed as he turned to meet her eyes.

"I wanted to talk to you. Do you have a moment?" All manner of their previous play gone, she now looked nervous.

Alistair looked around the empty back room, "Well… we're alone? Now is as good a time as any to talk."

Beginning to fidget, Lana started with, "Alistair… I wanted to make sure that when you and Cullen do finally… admit your feelings for each other…"

Alistair rolled his eyes before she could finish and tried to walk off.

Grabbing his arm, she turned him around to face her, "Stop it Ali, this is serious!"

"Ok fine, fine. What is it? And who says I'm going to admit my feelings to him anyway?"

"It's only a matter of time and you know it! You couldn't even focus on the bar tonight, so wrapped up in thinking about his amber eyes, the quirk of his smile and how he makes you feel like…"

"I know; I know - I get the picture. He's very distracting to me, what's your point."

"My point is… that when you do decide to tell him how you feel; I want you two to… take it slow. Ok? He's had a rough past. He's scarred. His heart is not easily won over and… I just don't want either of you to get hurt."

"Lana! You of all people should know me better than that. I wouldn't! He's… It's just…" He sighed heavily as he searched for the right words.

"You both deserve to be happy, Alistair; I want this for you. I really do. I just want to make sure that you don't screw this up either. Promise me, you'll take it slow… until you're both sure. Ok?"

Sighing, he said, "Lana I'm not even convinced that he's as interested in me as I am in him. Why are you even bothering with this?"

Looking at her toes, she deliberated before supplying, "Alistair, you both… think… the same things about each other." She finished in a rush, afraid of what she just admitted.

Alistair stopped and stared at Lana, his jaw hanging open in disbelief.

 _Did she just… share?_

"I want you to promise me that you won't rush things. Please, Alistair. I know he's important to you and I know I shouldn't say anything, but you are to him as well. Please… just take it slow, cherish your first moments together and whatever you do, _don't_ immediately jump into bed with him! Don't rush him!" She really looked worried.

Picking up his jaw, Alistair began again, "Ok, saying I believe you. That he _is_ as interested in me as I am in him. Why should we… hold back our affections?" Just the thought of having Cullen in his arms made his knees weak. He couldn't imagine it being anything short of amazing.

Putting on her big-girl, scary face, Lana threatened, "Because if you screw this up Alistair, so help me… with the Creators as my witness, I will… I'll..." unable to think of anything suitable to say, she narrowed her eyes at the much taller man and wiggled her fingers 'suggestively' at him.

Alistair gulped. He got the picture. "Fine, fine… you win-big mean mage. There you go threatening me again. You're always threatening me," he said indignantly.

"Usually, it keeps you out of trouble and you know it!"

"Yeah, yeah, fine… you win." He leaned in and gave her a quick hug and kiss on the forehead before turning on his heel and heading up the stairs giggling happily. His heart filled with hope.

 _Maybe… if she's right… next time I see him I'll..._

Lana blushed at his rambling thoughts as she made her way back in to the bar. She loved that big lug. Their relationship was much different than the one she shared with her wife, but she still wanted for him what they'd found together; love and happiness. That was definitely a possibility with Cullen, if only they'd get over themselves and admit their feelings. Watching them dance around each other was getting exhausting.

Leliana was right, a little nudging was in order.

* * *

 **Thursday**

Cullen was pacing his office as the clock drew close to noon; his whole body positively humming with excitement. The answer to his case had been staring right at him and this morning, it had all-finally-clicked into place.

 _This was it!_

He'd discovered the location of the woman who disappeared two months prior. If his information was correct, she was still alive, though her time was running out.

His squad was currently suiting up to go after her kidnappers and-Maker willing-they would get there before anything else happened to her. The problem was, it was Thursday and this mission would probably take him late into the night.

Duty always came first, so he had no doubt or regret about his priorities this day. However, he had two previous engagements that he wouldn't be able to fulfill because of it. He may have forsaken some of his vows to the chantry-he was no longer a Templar after all-but in his heart, he knew that he would always be there to help those in need, as long as he was able.

Dialing Dorian's number, he made a decision.

Dorian answered, "Yes, Amatus?"

Without missing a beat, Cullen responded, "You know Bull hates it when you call me that!"

"He really does, but the makeup sex we have after arguing about it is totally worth it!" Dorian laughed, "I'm assuming you're not calling to talk about my intimate relations with my husband, however. What can this humble mage do for you today?"

Cullen hesitated, "Listen Dorian, I'm not going to be able to take you to the station tonight."

"Oh? Finally asked your yummy redhead out on a date, have you?"

"No actually, I won't be able to go to Alistair's either." Cullen said a bit dejectedly.

Growing serious, Dorian asked, "What's going on?"

"The case I've been working on… has just been blown wide open. My team is gearing up now and this probably won't end quickly. I'm sorry I won't be able to see you off tonight. Will you be all right getting back to the train?" Cullen asked.

"Don't you worry about me, Commander. I'm a big boy and can find my way on my own." Dorian paused briefly before offering, "Would you… like me to stop by the bar to let Alistair know that you won't be in as well? You did tell him that you'd be back tonight, we wouldn't want him to worry his pretty little head over you."

Cullen chuckled, "I would appreciate that; thanks Dorian... But… please, be tactful."

Dorian sounded hurt, "Who me? I am always the pillar of tact and decency!"

Laughing, Cullen said, "Thank you Dorian, for everything. I will let you know how things go tonight and with Alistair as well… should they progress."

"You mean _when_ they progress. Oooh, I can't wait for all the steamy details!"

Groaning at his friend, Cullen hung up the phone.

He donned his armored vest, protective gear, and loaded himself up with all of his weapons and extra ammo. This was what he was trained for. This was what he was good at. Here, he had confidence in spades. He only wished that the same confidence would carry over into his affections for Alistair. He would think about that later, for now, there was a life to save.

* * *

 **Later Thursday Night**

Alistair had himself convinced that tonight would be the night. After speaking with the girls, he was finally ready to accept that maybe it was time to take a chance and see if his feelings were reciprocated. He was excited and nervous. Five-thirty couldn't come soon enough.

Six o'clock came and went and still there was no Cullen. Alistair was starting to fret. He was never this late. Looking over at Lana, all she could do was shrug at her friend and smile her encouragement.

Alistair's thoughts began to turn dark around seven-thirty. Maybe he was mistaken. He began to fear that the enigmatic doctor with the fabulous mustache might have actually, how did he put it? _Charmed the pants_ off _his_ Commander.

Grumbling to himself, he thought-not for the first time-that he wished he had Cullen's number so he could call him, to see if he was ok. Every time the door opened, Alistair would perk up as he hoped the tall, curly haired, object of his desire would come in. Sadly, every time the door opened tonight, he was disappointed.

At eight o'clock, the door opened again, but instead of the Commander, Dorian walked in and headed straight for him.

 _Oh great!_

Trying to hide his own disappointment, he put on his usual smile and greeted Cullen's 'friend'.

"Welcome back, Dorian, I thought you were heading home tonight." Alistair was actually proud of himself for keeping his voice as even and friendly as it sounded. "Would you like a drink?"

"Sadly no, I can't stay. I am on my way to the train, but needed to stop in here to deliver a message first." Dorian looked around for the first time, taking in the decor. "You know; I can see why he likes coming here. This place really _is_ nice… comfortable." Dorian said with appreciation.

Alistair hesitated only a moment before responding, "Uh… thank you? You said you had a message for me?" His heart almost couldn't take the suspense.

"Ah yes. Our dear Commander has been pulled away on a case and regrets to inform you that he will be unable to fulfill his previous intention of entertaining your company this evening." Dorian said formally before adding with a smirk, "He rarely deviates from his precious schedules, you know, and I didn't want you to worry."

Alistair was both relieved and a little concerned, "Is he… walking into danger?"

"Do not worry; Cullen is very well trained for what he is walking into. I am sure he will be back in to see you next Tuesday as per his usual schedule." Dorian smiled at the concern written on Alistair's face as he turned to head back towards the door. Stopping with his hand on the handle, he glanced over his shoulder and said with sincerity, "Be good to him; will you? I don't have many people I can count as friends. I would hate to think I'd have to come back here to defend his honor."

Then he was gone and Alistair was left stunned. He looked at Lana who was beaming back at him with that all too familiar, 'I told you so' look on her face.

 _Why is everyone threatening me regarding Cullen?_ _It's not like I want to hurt him. In fact, it's quite the opposite._

Alistair grinned to himself as he purposefully created lurid fantasies in his head of the things he wanted to do to Cullen. He was so specific with the details that he was sure even Zevran would have been proud of him. Grinning smugly at the little elf who was now blushing across the room, he went about taking care of his other customers.

 _Take that woman! I know you can't stay out of my head, so I might as well get some enjoyment out of it!_

Laughing with a lighter heart, he resigned himself to a Cullen free evening. Sending a quiet prayer to the Maker to watch over Cullen as he worked, Alistair hoped beyond hope that he would stay safe. They had some unfinished business to attend to, and after his encounters with both Lana then Dorian, he really wanted to get a chance to see where this _thing_ between them could go. It was Thursday, that gave him five more days to work on his courage.

* * *

End Notes:

**Bonus chapter this week! You must have been really good!**

I love how silly and playful Alistair and Lana can be together.

They're like siblings... only not.

(more on this later... it's a secret, no peeking before it's time)

And speaking of secrets... what do Lana and Leliana know about Cullen? hmm I wonder...

* * *

 ****This work will have weekly updates****

Unless you're really good, then you may get bonus chapters!

Stay tuned and subscribe for easier updates!

Favorites, Reviews, Follows also welcome!

* * *

This labor of love wouldn't be what it is without the efforts of

two dear souls who have deemed my little idea worthy of their time and editing skills!

My eternal gratitude goes out to Connie_Flint and Ponticle for their encouragement,

direction, and the occasional ruler across the knuckles (to keep me in line)!

Thank you ladies! You are the best!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary:**

Cullen breaks from his routine and discover's Wild Weekends at Alistair's!

Was there a kiss in there somewhere?

Enter Zevran, who's on his best behavior... for once... **no really!**

 **Notes:**

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**

 **All twisted perversions therein,**

 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Possible Triggers in this chapter: Discussion of kidnapping & mention of torture; but Cullen to the rescue - it's ok really.**

 **Also... Hot guys dancing... Yeah.. not really a trigger, but still... Hot Guys Dancing!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 4**

Wild Weekends

The mission Thursday went off without a hitch. Cullen's team surrounded the warehouse on the docks; the occupants unaware that their hideout had been compromised. It was standard, break down the door, neutralize the threat, and save the girl, procedure. Or would be, if there were such a thing.

After two months of being held captive, the woman was malnourished, filthy, and had a few bruises, but was thankfully otherwise unharmed. A ransom demand was never made in return for her safety, which left Cullen's team confused as to the reasoning behind her capture and extended captivity.

Only Cullen knew the horrific truth. When his team saw the unusual sigils painted around the old warehouse, they wrote off the group as sick and disturbed; probably keeping her for their own twisted pleasures. It was an awful prospect, but nowhere near the reality of what she truly faced.

If the Commander had told his team that they were up against blood-mages, hell bent on summoning a demon with the blood of the young mother, they probably wouldn't have believed him. Thankfully, he didn't have to. He'd been with his team long enough that they trusted him implicitly; he called the shots, they followed orders, it was that simple. Most of the time, Cullen didn't need to filter his information, their cases usually dealt with regular people committing regular crimes. But occasionally, like this night, Cullen's _extra_ abilities came in handy.

 _Blood-mages… Why did it have to be, blood-mages?_

Cullen could only speculate as to which Demon they were intending on summoning, as they thankfully arrived before the specified time of the event. With the full moon only two days away, he'd been racing against the clock to put together all the pieces. Any slower, and he would have been too late!

Eight mages dead, but sadly, the master escaped. The medics took the victim to the hospital to clean her up and give her a full evaluation before releasing her to her family. That was one phone call that Cullen actually enjoyed making. Her family was beyond grateful. These were the nights that made his job completely worth it.

Saying a silent prayer of thanks to Andraste, Cullen felt content that he'd done his job to the fullest extent of his capabilities. He'd won this one. He couldn't win them all, but he would take the small victories as they came.

It was almost two am by the time he finished cleaning up at the crime scene. It was too late to visit Alistair, but after the success of the evening, his heart was full of hope and he decided that perhaps… it might be time.

Cullen spent Friday, finalizing the paperwork from the night before. This was one of the longest cases he'd worked in years and one of the most memorable. The fact that he was able to save the life of the victim definitely helped, but the real reason he would always remember this case had to do with Alistair. This was the case ultimately responsible for Cullen stumbling across that unfamiliar street, which lead him into that quirky pub, where he met the man of his dreams, two months prior. He would always be thankful for that break in his normal routine.

Leaving the office at the end of the day, Cullen walked the short distance to his apartment. With a last minute change in plans, he climbed into his Jeep, instead of heading upstairs. Still riding high from the success of the night before, he decided to once again break from his routine and celebrate with a drink downtown. He'd missed his usual Thursday visit, and after his talks with Dorian, he didn't want to wait until Tuesday to see Alistair again.

Never having been in on a weekend before, Cullen was wholly unprepared for the difference in atmosphere the place held. It was louder for one-more crowded. Instead of Leliana up on stage, there was a full band; making it impossible for any sort of conversation. The music was upbeat and the three tables that usually sat in the center of the room, had been removed to make way for a very full dance floor.

Once he recovered from his initial shock, Cullen was both relieved and pleased to see that his usual spot at the bar was vacant; granting him a glorious view of his favorite bartender. Taking his seat in the corner, Cullen drank in the new look of a much more _animated_ , Alistair. Instead of his usual black on black uniform, he wore a tight fitting white t-shirt which showed off the tightly corded muscles, barely contained within the thin fabric. The word _Alistair's_ was printed prominently in a wine colored arc across the deliciousness that was his back and shoulders.

 _Andraste preserve me, what have I gotten myself into?_

Cullen's mouth suddenly went dry from want. He fought to tear his eyes from the working muscles trapped painfully within the form-fitting fabric; while attempting to quell his own rapidly thickening erection currently straining against the confines of his slacks.

 _You're in public Rutherford, calm down!_

Cullen admonished himself, thankful that he hadn't yet seen Lana. The poor girl would most likely be blushing from his current train of thought, if she could even _hear_ in a crowd like this.

Blinking slowly to regain his composure, Cullen's mutinous eyes zeroed in on the much tighter black jeans that Alistair was wearing as his hips gyrated provocatively to the music.

 _Sweet Maker's ass, I'm in trouble!_

All Cullen could do was gape in awe at how beautiful the man was; how fluidly his body moved to the music as he deftly poured drinks for his customers. And the pouring itself was certainly a sight to behold! For one thing, it was much flashier than it had been during any of his earlier visits. He watched transfixed as Alistair danced from customer to customer, pouring drinks, with an extra flourish; spinning, twirling, tossing bottles into the air, and catching them on their descent directly over the intended glasses.

As his initial surprise began to ebb, Cullen noticed that there was a second mixologist-wearing a matching outfit-serving customers at the far end of the bar. It definitely wasn't Lana, but a lithe elven male, not much taller than the waitress; with long blonde hair, delicate pointed ears and mischievous eyes. He had a 'come hither' smile and tattoo that swirled down the left side of his face, but instead of making him seem hardened, it only added to the softness of his skin.

Cullen's chest tightened as he watched the two working in tandem. They looked so easy and familiar with each other, like they'd been doing this for years-perhaps they had been. Their movements similar, both meant to be provocative and enticing as they played off each other for the benefit of their audience. Their enigmatic smiles winning the crowd over with barely any effort as they tossed their bottles into the air, juggling the liquor without spilling a drop.

The newest mixologist began to head his way while Alistair was busy pouring his latest drink. Cullen watched as Alistair looked up suddenly, caught the elf's hand, and spun him off in the opposite direction. Grabbing the drink, with his face beaming like it was Satinalia, Alistair danced his way and deftly placed the drink in front of Cullen with panache.

Leaping his ass fully up onto the bar top, Alistair leaned closer to Cullen so he could be heard over the din of the room. "Welcome to our Wild Weekends! I won't be able to chat much, but I hope you enjoy the show!"

Cullen thought he may have imagined it, but he swore it felt like Alistair's lips brushed his cheek, before he leapt off the bar and back into the limelight. The other bartender raised a questioning look as Alistair re-entered their _dance._ Sparing Cullen a smile and quick wink, he grabbed the next bottle and tossed it in the air for Alistair to catch.

Cullen sat and watched the show with a smile on his face and a warm tingle on his cheek. Whether he meant to kiss him or it was an accident of proximity, the contact sent shivers through Cullen's body. He enjoyed watching this new and energetic Alistair playing his audience to its full extent, but when Cullen finished his drink, he decided it was time for him to head out.

Waving a silent goodbye to his favorite eye candy, Cullen grabbed his coat and stepped outside.

Once the door closed behind him, he savored the silence of the night in stark contrast to the clamor from within. Hearing a jingling of keys from off to his left, Cullen watched as two vaguely familiar, female shapes approached-arm in arm. Smiling in recognition, he waited patiently for them to get within earshot before greeting them, "So he does give you the night off occasionally!"

Lana and Leliana grinned at Cullen in surprise.

"Friday's and Saturday's are um… difficult for me," Lana explained. "I don't usually work them, though I will for special occasions… or to help Alistair out when he needs me to. They have too many people; too many emotions; they're too... loud." Lana tapped the side of her head as she shuddered.

Cullen nodded in sympathy.

"I'm surprised to see you here on a Friday, Commander; breaking your usual schedule!" Leliana clicked her tongue jokingly, "And now you are leaving early; it looks not to be quite to your taste either. No?"

"It is a bit much for me, though I will admit to enjoying the show." Cullen thought about Alistair's body moving provocatively behind the bar and his mind unwittingly took him to the brush of lips across his cheek. Dipping his head to hide his rapidly flushing cheeks, he tried to refocus, "Is it always like that on weekends?"

"Only on those two days, the rest are what you've already become familiar with." Trying hard to suppress her smile at Cullen's excitement, Lana secretly cheered Alistair for finding his courage to kiss him. It was a sneaky kiss, to be sure, but it was a start.

Curious, Leliana chimed in with her lilting accent, "So, what do you think of our dear Zevran? He gets quite a lot of attention when he works. So many come just to see him."

"Is Zevran… the other bartender? I... didn't actually get to meet him. They were so busy. I didn't want to bother them, so I just watched while enjoying my drink."

"From your little perch in the corner?" Leliana giggled.

Cullen chuckled, they'd teased him over his favorite spot many times and he always had the same argument, "I don't know why no one else ever sits there, it's the best seat in the house. It allows me to see the whole room without my back being exposed."

"We used to wonder about it as well, but now I like to believe that spot was just waiting for you." Lana smiled encouragingly at him.

Leliana continued to tease him, "I think Alistair would physically remove anyone else should they attempt to occupy your seat now. You've quickly won over the only assigned seat in the house. Welcome to our little family." She grinned affectionately at the Commander.

Cullen bowed his head as a tinge of pink touched his cheeks once again. Thinking of the way Alistair and Zevran moved together, he asked hesitantly, "How long have they been… _dancing_ like that?"

 _Alistair said that he wasn't seeing anyone when we first met, but that was a couple of months ago and those two seemed to move so well together, perhaps things have changed?_

"Creators no!" Lana choked over his internal question, "We have known Zevran for over a decade. He's flirty, overly self-confident, and the customers find him attractive. In contrast, Alistair is earnest and full of boyish, playful charm. Between the two of them, their antics fulfill many customer's quiet fantasies, so they play it up on nights like these. They may dance well together, while twirling bottles to entertain the customers, but so far, Zevran has yet to peak Alistair's interest even a little bit." Lana rested her hand gently on Cullen's arm before continuing, "Trust me, I would know."

Leliana giggled, "Not that Zevran hasn't tried. When we first met him, he used to get Alistair so tongue tied and flustered. Our poor, talkative friend was frequently left quite speechless."

"And blushing," Lana added, "there is always blushing when Zevran starts hitting on you. He has a knack for saying exactly what you wish he wouldn't. But he does have a good heart." Both girls giggled at some past shared memory.

Cullen was growing slightly concerned, "So I take it… Zevran hits on a lot of people?"

"If they breathe and are capable of speech, he's probably hit on them. I'm surprised you got out of there unscathed. You got lucky, yes?" Leliana helpfully offered.

Lana nudged Leliana with her elbow, "Or Alistair protected him."

Cullen nodded, remembering Alistair twirling Zevran away from him. "So… what you're saying is, Fridays and Saturdays really are _not_ good nights for me to come visiting?"

Lana nodded then offered, "Why don't you come back on Sunday? The bar will certainly be quieter and Alistair will be… less restricted. If you don't have any other plans that is."

Cullen was pondering the offer, so he missed Leliana looking sharply at Lana whose smile seemed to convey a definite, ' _trust me_.'

Refocusing, he ventured a grateful smile and said, "Thank you. I think I will. See you Sunday then. Goodnight, ladies," he nodded to them both before heading off toward his Jeep.

Leliana watched Cullen round the corner at the end of the street before asking quietly, "What are you doing? You know Alistair doesn't work on Sundays!"

"It's been months Lel. Though they are getting closer, if we wait for them to get over their own self-doubt and insecurities, we'll be waiting for months more. This way, Alistair won't have work to hide behind, Cullen won't be able to use the excuse that Alistair treats him just like he treats everyone else, and there won't be that damn bar between them." Lana explained exasperated, "Besides, they both want each other! If you could hear how their thoughts dance around it… It reminds me of _us_ actually-when we first got together." Standing on her toes, she kissed her bard sweetly on the lips.

"Yes, but you had the advantage there." Leliana smirked.

Lana grinned mischievously, "You didn't know that back then. I had to play a little hard to get." Leaning in, Lana stole another kiss, never tiring of how perfect their lips felt together.

Returning her wife's tender adorations, Leliana wrapped her arms around her and sighed heavily. Placing their foreheads together, she asked concerned, "Do you... worry that he'll remember? Do you think he will ever recognize us for who we are?"

Lana took her own deep breath and let it out slowly-resting her head on her true love's shoulder, she lamented, "I don't know Lel. He hasn't yet, but that doesn't mean something won't trigger the memory sometime in the future."

"He's come so far since then, I would hate to jeopardize his healing by bringing up the past. Though, I don't want to ruin our friendship either. Do you think he'll be mad at us for keeping this from him?" Leliana worried.

Lana sighed, "I hope not. It's not like we caused the issue in the first place… but it's hard to tell. He tries really hard _not_ to think of anything surrounding that time."

"What about Alistair? Have you told him yet that you and I have met Cullen before?" Leliana asked with no small amount of hesitation.

Shaking her head, Lana admitted, "Not yet, I need to though. But first things first. We need to get them together-two pieces made whole-then we can work on the confessions and admissions."

Alistair was dancing on air Friday when he saw Cullen come in. He wished he had more time to talk with him, but he would have to be content to just catch glances of him here and there while working behind the counter with Zevran. Finishing up their current round of juggled drinks, Alistair was finally able to pour the Commander his usual. As he turned to bring it over, he saw Zevran already headed that way.

 _Not this time Casanova!_

He grabbed the slippery little elf and spun him off in the other direction. To Zevran's credit, he twirled off spectacularly and continued serving the other side of the bar in Alistair's absence.

Fully enjoying the energy of the evening, Alistair leapt onto the bar to greet Cullen; and in a brazen act of boldness, lightly kissed his cheek on his way back down.

 _Maker's breath he smells so good!_

Savoring the taste of the luscious Commander, Alistair's tongue flicked across his lips after his back was to the object of his desire. Zevran must have witnessed him licking his lips because Alistair got that look that said there would be lude comments later-most likely at his expense.

Alistair was disappointed to see Cullen leave so soon after he finished his drink. He was hoping that he would stick around long enough for the crowd to die down so they could visit. There hadn't been time to dwell on it until after they closed for the night, but by then, his self-doubt had reared its ugly head again. It left him questioning why exactly Cullen left so early.

 _Should I not have kissed him?_

He worried that his playful antics had put him off. In a moment of weakness, Alistair decided to ask Zevran what he thought, "Hey Zev?"

"Si, amore mio." Zev, responded with that same 'you want to fuck me' smirk that he always wore.

"Do you remember the guy at the far end of the bar?"

"Tall, blonde, eyes that were drinking you in like you were the last drop of water in all of Thedas? _That_ one?" Zevran certainly didn't mince words.

Alistair coughed, "Uh, yeah - that one… I suppose. Though I don't know how accurate your assessment of his ogling me is. He's one of my weeknight regulars. Did he… say anything to you before he left?"

"No, I was on my best behavior, so I did not converse with him at all. I assumed by the way that you spun me away from him that you already staked your claim. A very nice claim-I might add- though a little too _yours_ for me to dare to interfere. Unless of course, you'd like to invite me in for a threesome! No? Ah well, a guy can dream can't he?" Zevran chuckled at his own brand of humor. "Does tall, light, and dreamy have a name?"

Ignoring the proposition, Alistair blushed at Zevran's description, "Cullen. Though I daresay, it's not a stake I've officially claimed… yet. Not that it gives you permission to try yourself." He warned the little elven sex-magnet. "Nor am I sure that he would be interested like that." Alistair was feeling the doubt heavily in his chest.

"Ah but that look upon your eyes, you have fantasized about it, no? I would say, by the look in his, that he probably has too, more than once." Trying to cheer up his friend, Zevran smirked openly, "Maybe he'll be back tomorrow. If it would help, I could lure him into the stockroom and tie him up for you to have your way with him!"

Alistair shook his head, blushing at the images Zevran's offer provided. "No thanks Zev, I appreciate the thought, though. See you tomorrow."

"You sure you don't want me to show you those Antivan massage techniques? They could come in handy, should you and your… Cullen ever find yourselves naked and alone."

"Ugh, Zevran!" Alistair's face was beat red as he ushered Zevran out the door, laughing.

 ***Translations**

Si, amore mio = Yes, my love

* * *

 **End Notes:**

I love Cullen at work! He's calm, cool, collected and has confidence in spades!

I also love making him uncomfortable... the poor guy wasn't prepared for

Alistair's calm and relaxing Bar to be turned into Cocktail style entertainment.

(yes I'm probably dating myself with that movie reference, if you don't get it - look it up! Watching them pour will give you some idea of the type of dancing Zevran and Alistair are doing behind the bar... y'know plus a little dirty dancing.)

A special thank you to those who are sticking with me! I hope you have enjoyed this newest morsel!

Please stay tuned... They can't hold out for much longer... can they?

* * *

 ****This work will have weekly updates****

Unless you're really good, then you may get bonus chapters!

Stay tuned and subscribe for easier updates!

Favorites, Reviews and Follows also welcome!

* * *

This labor of love wouldn't be what it is without the efforts of

two dear souls who have deemed my little idea worthy of their time and editing skills!

My eternal gratitude goes out to Connie_Flint and Ponticle for their encouragement,

direction, and the occasional ruler across the knuckles (to keep me in line)!

Thank you ladies! You are the best!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary:**

Can we finally get these two adorable dorks to admit their feelings for each other?

Will Cullen ever not set a schedule for himself?

Alistair... working out! Need I say more?

Will they really... behave?

These questions and more answered in today's chapter...

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**

 **All twisted perversions therein,**

 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **No real warnings this chapter. Some less than pure thoughts and gropings... Did I mention Alistair working out?**

 **Yeah... Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 5**

First Date

Sunday arrived and Cullen's body was thrumming with excitement. He was no longer able to deny the true intent behind his frequent visits to the pub, after all but admitting his intentions to the girls on Friday night.

 _Not like I could hide anything from Lana anyway._

Normally, he would feel mortified at the prospect of others knowing about his infatuation with the irresistible, Alistair; but there was something about Lana and Leliana that set him at ease. They were closer to Alistair than anyone else, knew him better than anyone else, and even _they_ were encouraging Cullen to proceed.

 _If they think I have a chance, I would be crazy to argue!_

Not wanting to seem too eager, Cullen decided to wait until late afternoon before heading over. That left him with too much time on his hands, and not enough chores to do, to pass the time. His apartment was clean, laundry put away, movie collection neatly organized, and his guns were cleaned and oiled. Looking around his apartment, then at his watch, Cullen realized that he'd only burned a couple of hours.

Sighing heavily, he grabbing the duffel-bag with his workout gear in it and headed for the door to find more things to distract himself. Stopping by the precinct first, he entered his office for a quick once over. Only a few files littered his desk, so he quickly put them away then pulled his old sword from its place of honor on the wall, behind his desk.

There was a time when his sword was a part of him; an extension of his arm. It was the first thing he touched in the morning and the last item he cared for before bed. A Templar's sword was sacred and now Cullen's was little more than a ceremonial piece to adorn his office.

Running his fingers over the smooth edge of the blade, he spoke fondly, "You served me well once, it wouldn't do to let you fall to disuse and disrepair."

It had been several weeks since he'd given his sword the attention it deserved. Not that he used it much lately, the police force preferring fire arms to melee weaponry; but occasionally, Cullen would strap it on and wear it, concealed beneath his long overcoat. It felt as natural on his hip as the shoulder holster that he always wore to work.

Pulling the cleaning kit from inside his desk, he opened the supple leather roll to lay across the surface. The sharpening stones, oil, cleaning cloths, and leather wax he would need to care for his sword, were all stored neatly inside their individualized pouches. With practiced ease, Cullen went about cleaning, sharpening, and oiling his blade. He gave special attention to conditioning the leather grip and oiling the scabbard, before placing them, once again, on their display.

Packing away his supplies, Cullen took a last look around the office before locking up and heading out to find more distractions.

 _Only three more hours before I can go see him..._

Cullen stopped, mid-sidewalk and laughed at himself.

 _Damn it, Rutherford! Even on days you don't have a schedule, you give yourself one. No wonder everyone's always teasing you._

Shouldering his bag, he walked the short distance to his local gym. On any given day, he could easily burn several hours at the place. He loved working out: cardio, bags, forms, weights; anything to lose himself in that zone of focus and calm. Today, however, he just couldn't concentrate. He was too excited, so after only forty-five minutes, he gave up and went home.

Cullen showered and took extra care to smooth out his unruly curls before dressing for the evening. Choosing his leather jacket instead of his usual duster, he decided that he'd waited long enough and gave himself permission to head downtown early.

The anticipation was all consuming. The way his heart sped up every time their fingers touched and the way Alistair's smile made him forget to breathe, usually left Cullen reeling. He thoroughly enjoyed flirting with Alistair these last couple months. In the beginning, it was tentative and playful; as they got to know each other better, it became a natural extension of their banter.

Now, he was finally able to admit that he was falling for this man and he was falling hard. He'd tried to ignore and pretend it didn't exist, but a little part of him kept whispering that he would never know if this could be more, unless he tried.

 _I may have to actually thank Dorian for that. Maker, there will be no living with him after this, if he's right. I hope he's right!_

Parking his Jeep in the public garage at the end of the block, he walked the short distance to the pub, hoping to calm his nerves. Stopping right outside, he took a deep breath then opened the door.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he found it much quieter than his last visit had been. Looking around, he was relieved to see that the place had been returned to its usual calm ambiance. There were several customers in attendance: some playing pool, others darts, and still others sitting around, enjoying their drinks.

 _This is more like it!_

He saw Leliana grinning at him from the stage and Lana's knowing smile from behind the bar. What he wanted to see most, however, was nowhere to be seen.

 _Where is Alistair?_

Leliana moved to stand behind the bar as Lana came out to greet Cullen with two drinks in hand.

She beckoned him to follow as she headed into the back, "You're earlier than I expected, Commander. Nervous?"

"Do I even need to answer that?" He smiled sheepishly, looking towards the floor.

Lana shook her head, but her smile was reassuring, "I hoped you'd come back today. Ali's been a bear since I told him that we ran into you outside Friday night."

"Why would that bother him?"

Lana chuckled while she skirted around boxes, deftly holding the glasses so they wouldn't spill, "We _may_ have mentioned that we warned you against coming back on Saturday or during his Wild Weekends in general. He wasn't very pleased that we put a limit on your visits. You'd think we just shot his mabari."

"He has a mabari?" Cullen was only partially listening as he followed Lana; still wondering where she was leading him.

"He did once, they were nigh inseparable, though I'll let him tell you about her. I will say, the story does not have a happy ending, though, and he still misses her dearly." She sighed heavily before adding, "We all do."

Lana led Cullen through the rest of the storeroom in silence. She stopped before an exit door located at the bottom of a stairwell. Pointing to the door in front of her, she said, "This door locks automatically when you leave. It will let you out into the alley, on the south-side of the pub. Alistair… is upstairs." She handed him the two drinks she'd been carrying and began to walk off.

"What do you mean upstairs?"

She laughed, "Just go; he won't be disappointed to see you and he's going to need that drink as well, so don't down them both before you get up there to calm your own nerves."

Cullen shook his head at how well that woman read him. He'd only briefly considered drinking both drinks then escaping through the back door, but it was only a fleeting thought; not one he'd ever follow. He was here with a purpose, to see if maybe there could be something more between Alistair and himself.

 _What is Alistair doing up these stairs? Why isn't he in the bar with the girls? What's with the drinks? What's that woman got up her sleeve? Why am I so bloody nervous? C'mon Rutherford… you're not going to find out unless you start up those stairs. Breathe damnit!_

Taking that breath, he navigated the dark stairwell slowly. When he reached the top, he paused, shifted both drinks to one hand and knocked on the door. As he waited, Cullen noticed a rhythmic clanking of metal-on-metal. It was even and consistent, never pausing, and was accompanied by the distinct rumblings of Alistair's voice.

 _Weights?_ _No wait, that's not the sound of weights… where have I heard that sound before?_

Cullen waited a minute before knocking again. His heart raced as the clanking finally stopped, a distinct thump followed, and the grumbling from inside grew louder as Alistair got closer to the door.

Alistair was trying hard to burn off his pent up energy. He'd been working out for over an hour trying to calm down, but it wasn't helping. Exercise wasn't what he was craving, yet he didn't have Cullen's number to try to make other arrangements on their one mutual day off. He didn't know where he lived and, because it was a weekend, dropping by all the precincts in Denerim to figure out which one he worked at, wouldn't be very helpful either.

 _He wouldn't think you're desperate or anything if you did that, Al! Might be a good way to get yourself arrested for harassment though!_

All of this left Alistair crazy to see Cullen, yet frustrated because he didn't have a respectable means to find him.

 _And what of the kiss?_ _Maker, he tasted so good! But was that why he left so early? Did I drive him away? Should I… apologize? If he's not interested… I'm sure I could be content to just be his friend. I don't want to lose that!_

At least that's what he told himself.

 _Damn Lana and her blasted morals on sharing what she knows!_

He understood on principle. But knowing how Cullen felt _would_ make things so much easier for him. For them?

 _Oh if only we could be a 'them'!_

Alistair just wanted to know… well in all honesty, he wanted to know everything: how he liked his coffee, what he smelled like after a shower, how he tasted, what he liked to do in his spare time, did he have a favorite movie, what would it be like to _really_ kiss him. Ok so yeah, it wasn't really fair to expect all that information from her. He knew that her 'talents' didn't work that way. But still, the man was driving him crazy and the only time he'd ever spent with him had been downstairs and that posed its own restrictions.

When Cullen surprised him by coming in Friday night, the bar was slammed and Alistair couldn't give him more than his usual drink and a smile or two. He didn't dare abandon Zevran on a night like that. High on the taste of the Commander's skin on his lips, he'd finally decided that he was going to go for it and, at the very least, ask for his number. But by the time things started to die down enough for him to ask, Cullen was already gone.

When Lana came in the next morning, she admitted to running into Cullen as he was leaving the night before. She'd told him that Fridays and Saturdays were their busiest nights and probably not the best nights for him to come calling. Alistair was disappointed; there was a part of him that knew the loud crowd probably wasn't his thing, but he was still hoping Cullen would come back again that night. He probably took it out on his best friend, a little more than he should have.

All day Saturday, Lana tried to talk to him, to sooth him. Each time, Alistair got more aggravated and short with her. He kept thinking that she could have told Cullen to come in early before the rush, or even better, to come back on Sunday! But all he heard was Lana telling Cullen to stay away and now he probably wouldn't see him again until Tuesday. If he came back at all.

The more time that passed left Alistair feeling more and more insecure about that tentative kiss he'd placed on his cheek. It was driving him mad not knowing, and fearing the worst, that his lack of decorum had actually driven Cullen away.

 _Why didn't I get his phone number so I could at least call and see if he's still talking to me?_

Sunday came and Alistair was left to his own devices. Lana and Leliana both tried to cheer him up or talk him down several times already and he'd finally just told them to leave him alone.

Setting his weights aside, he needed a more intense distraction. Grabbing the bar for his salmon ladder, he hooked it into place and began the steadying rhythm for his climb. Pull-up, using the momentum of his swing to 'jump' with the bar to the next ledge, rinse repeat. He'd made it to the top when he heard a knock on his door. Assuming it was the girls back to bug him again, he grumbled loudly, "I told you to leave me alone!" He didn't stop or miss a beat as he began his descent down the ladder.

As he worked his way back up a second time, he heard another knock. Sighing heavily, he dropped to the floor, threw his towel around his neck, and marched over prepared to tell the girls-loudly and finally-to just… go away!

The sight that greeted him when he jerked open the door was the last one he'd expected to find on his doorstep, and yet, his greatest wish come true. His eyes adjusted from looking to where he expected one of the much shorter women to be standing and they completely enjoyed drinking in the sight before him on their way up. Cullen; wearing jeans, a tight fitting, black t-shirt, and a dark-brown, leather jacket, stood in front of him holding two drinks and smiling the sweetest crooked smile he'd ever seen. His gorgeous eyes drifted down Alistair's body and back up again, never losing their spark of interest as Alistair realized just how undressed he really was.

As the door flew open, Cullen was blessed with the sight of a very delicious looking, sweaty Alistair: barefoot, wearing only dark blue, loose, workout shorts hung low on his hips and-Andraste preserve him-nothing else but a towel draped around his neck.

Drawn in by the freckles spattered across Alistair's chest, he noticed several scars that he longed to ask about, but decided to tuck them away for later. Instead, Cullen drank in his well-defined muscles, still twitching from his workout. Each ridge and valley called to Cullen to touch, explore, caress, taste.

 _Sweet maker, I thought he was gorgeous before!_

It took effort to drag his eyes back up from the alluring hip bones and soft curly red hair just below his naval; pulling his attention where it needn't be. He forced his eyes back up and noticed that Alistair's scowl was quickly melting away, leaving a pleasantly surprised expression in its place.

Alistair sputtered for a moment, clearly unprepared for his visitor. "Cullen! I uh. I am so sorry. I thought you were the girls again. They've been particularly vexing lately. No one else usually comes up here." He seemed to realize that he was standing there rambling before he said, "Where are my manners, please come in."

Cullen grinned at Alistair and handed him one of the drinks as he stepped just past him into the foyer. "Here, Lana said that you would need this," he said by way of greeting then watched transfixed as Alistair threw the amber liquid back in one gulp. Watching his throat work as he swallowed, he found himself wanting to follow along with his tongue, tasting the saltiness as his mouth traveled over every inch of his exposed neck… chest… lower... Shaking his head to clear it, Cullen took a sip of his own drink to still his rambling fantasy.

"She wasn't wrong." Alistair set his empty glass down on the sideboard. Looking down at himself, he addressed the state of undress that he was currently in. "I uh… It's been that kind of a day. I was trying to … well, distract myself actually, but it really wasn't working. I uhh. I mean, what— um...? Was there… something you needed?"

 _Maker!_ _Way to be suave, Al?_

Shaking his head 'no', Cullen smiled ruefully, "I think Lana is trying to make up for the fact that I missed my usual Thursday visit and you were too busy on Friday for us to… talk. Either that or she didn't want me lurking in my corner downstairs. I didn't realize you lived above the bar." He looked around tentatively.

"Pretty impressive commute, huh? Some days the traffic is pure hell, but I manage." Alistair chuckled. "Did you want to...? Were you…?" He sighed and tried to put his thoughts into words, "I'm glad that you're here, though had I known you were coming, I might have cleaned myself up a bit first. Would you mind… hanging out for a bit while I get myself showered and more presentable?"

 _Sweet Andraste, he is adorable all flustered and stuttering like that. Perhaps Dorian and Lana were right and he does feel for me the same as I do for him._

Feeling a little more confident, Cullen let his eyes drift over Alistair's mostly exposed form before saying, "Don't cover up on my account, but if you'd prefer a quick shower, I have no plans to leave anytime soon. Unless, of course, you ask me to."

"No! Please stay," he said hurriedly. "After… we could go back downstairs, if you'd like… or… maybe… would you like to watch a movie up here?" Alistair asked hopefully letting the offer hang in the air.

"A movie sounds great; I would like that."

Alistair's eyes lit up and he smiled excitedly, "Then please come in, take off your coat and make yourself at home. I… uh try to keep shoes here by the front door as well, so if you don't mind..." Alistair indicated the shoe rack across the entryway where they were standing." Not that I'm particularly 'anti-shoes', I just… hate sweeping and mopping." He grinned sheepishly at his unexpected guest.

Cullen nodded his understanding and set his glass down next to Alistair's to begin taking off his coat and shoes.

Indicating the tray on the credenza, which already held a wallet, some spare change, a set of keys, and a cellphone, Alistair also offered, "I usually just throw my keys and things down there as well. Might as well get comfortable since you've promised to stay long enough to watch a movie with me." He grinned up into the Cullen's eyes. Standing face to face for the first time-without a bar between them-he noticed that Cullen was slightly taller than himself.

Cullen chuckled, "Anything else you'd like me to take off before you get back?"

 _Damn it Rutherford! Did you just say that out loud? Maybe you spent too much time with Dorian when he was here._

Instead of balking at Cullen's brazenness, Alistair smiled, pondering the possibilities. Remembering Lana's warning, he instead replied, "Mmmm tempting, but no that will do."

 _For now!_

"Other than the shoes, the rest were just suggestions to make you more comfortable." Alistair eyed his delicious guest. "Oh and before I forget, my movie selection is on the back side of the entertainment center. I'll let you pick something out for us to watch while I'm um… getting cleaned up. I won't be long."

Cullen heard Alistair muttering under his breath as he hurried away. Something about not being sure if he wanted to kill Lana or kiss her for her meddling.

Chuckling to himself, Cullen finished taking off his shoes and jacket before taking a preliminary glance around the loft. It was simple and clean; a large open room which incorporated the kitchen, a huge workout area, and a home entertainment area all in one. There were two doors in the room, one he had just come through and the other, Alistair just disappeared into which most likely held his bedroom and bathroom.

Finishing his initial inspection, he returned to the entrance to- _get comfortable-_ as Alistair had instructed him. Divested of his wallet and keys, Cullen looked down at his phone and-with a hopeful smile-switched it to silent, before setting it down. He grabbed his drink and with some time to kill, figured he might as well look around.

Walking past the kitchen that covered most of the right wall and the home entertainment area on his left, Cullen decided to go inspect the workout equipment first. A large thick sparing mat covered a twenty square foot area on the far side of the room. The wall that it rested up against boasted a floor to ceiling mirror that equaled the twenty-foot wide mat. On the left side of the mat, near a large bay window, was an all-in-one weight gym, makiwara board, heavy punching bag, three-fully stocked-equipment stands, workbench, and a salmon ladder with the crossbar left three rungs up.

 _Holy Andraste, did I interrupt him on the ladder? If the cadence he was maintaining is any indicator, that's… really impressive. Maker, I'd love to see that!_

Cullen gulped audibly as his inner monologue ran away with his imagination.

 _This place is better equipped than my own gym and certainly more private!_

Cullen tried not to imagine the two of them working up a sweat together on that mat… in front of that mirror.

Repressing a groan, he turned his attention back toward the equipment stands. One held five-to-fifty pound sets of dumbbells, a set of medicine balls, and several different kettle balls. The next one held a plethora of weapons ranging from fighting staffs and wooden swords to a wide variety of more exotic martial arts weapons. The last stand held towels, bottles of water, resistance bands, rolled up mats and an exercise ball; all meticulously organized.

Cullen was very impressed with the diversity and quality of the equipment as well as the care in which it all seemed to be kept. The workbench seemed to house several sharpening stones and the kinds of oils that Cullen would use to care for his Templar armor and sword.

 _Alistair is intriguing me more and more. Can I really be this lucky?_

Next, Cullen wandered over to the entertainment center in the middle of the large space and began looking through Alistair's movie options. He was happy to see they had very similar tastes. He chose two of his favorites and decided to let Alistair pick from them.

The first option was set in space; a young boy caught up in a rebellion against an evil empire. They could watch just one movie or the whole series, Alistair had them all. The other he selected, was the first season of a TV show about a teenage girl who was destined by fate to save the world from vampires. Alistair had all seven seasons, though Cullen thought it best to start at the beginning.

Whichever Alistair chose, Cullen would be happy. These were two of his personal favorites, he'd seen them so many times that he could enjoy them again, or ignore them without regret should other… options become available.

Setting the movies down next to the TV, Cullen wandered over to look out the window to see what kind of a view Alistair had. Taking a sip from his drink, he looked out and was amazed at the sight before him; the evening sunlight glinting off the tumultuous waters of the Amaranthine Sea. It was breathtaking and helped to calm the nerves that had been plaguing him all day. He was really here. Alistair hadn't sent him away and-Maker willing- Cullen would retain the courage to find out if Alistair's nervous stuttering had anything to do with why his own heart was currently racing.

Gazing out at the water, sipping what was left of his drink, Cullen heard the door open behind him. Without turning from the window's offering, he set his empty glass on the windowsill and crossed his arms over his chest, "You have an amazing view from up here." His voice was calm and even, conflicting with the fact that he could hear his heartbeat in his ears and his mouth was suddenly dry from nerves. Unable to turn around yet to face his heart's desire, he continued to stare out the window while he waited for Alistair's response.

Alistair whispered to himself, "I certainly do from where I'm standing." He stopped in the doorway and stared at the man leaning casually against the windowsill, looking out towards the bay. Cullen had removed his jacket and shoes, his form fitting cotton shirt hugged every delicious muscle concealed beneath it. Having become used to seeing Cullen in the suits he'd arrive in after work; seeing him for the first time, outside of his 'Commander' persona-took his breath away.

He teased as he slowly approached from behind. "You know; you are about as easy to sneak up on as Lana. Takes a little of the fun out of it." Alistair's banter was a cover for his own nervousness as he inched his way forward. It also allowed him time to fully drink in the shoulders, arms, and back of the man he'd been dreaming about all day.

 _Maker's breath he's gorgeous! Will he let me… touch him?_

Alistair's fingers twitched at his sides-longing to do just that.

Cullen chuckled, "You can blame my line of work for that. I _am_ trained to be aware of my surroundings after all."

 _And right now I am so painfully aware of you._

Cullen paused in contemplation before admitting ruefully, "You know, it was Lana that had me come back tonight. She told me when I left on Friday that you would be more… accessible today. She neglected to tell me that it was your day off. I didn't mean to… I mean… I hope that I'm not intruding."

Alistair was quick to soothe him, "You are not intruding at all. And despite all my grumbling about her today, I am grateful she set this up. I usually have Sundays and Mondays off, so she was technically right when she told you that I would be more free to spend time with you." Alistair stopped directly behind Cullen, a hair's breadth away from touching this man's beautifully sculpted shoulders when he added softly, "I've been wanting to… I mean… I hope you don't mind that I..."

Taking a deep breath, to steady his nerves, Alistair reached up and hesitantly stroked his hands over Cullen's shoulders and down his back. He heard Cullen sigh then almost purr in appreciation. Feeling more confident, since his caresses weren't immediately rebuffed, Alistair wrapped his arms around Cullen's waist and ran his hands over his well-toned abs, pulling him against his own body. Relaxing from relief and feeling grounded from their first embrace, Alistair let himself enjoy the moment.

Cullen's hands joined with his, fingers interlaced, he leaned back and nearly melted into Alistair's chest. Closing his eyes from the view outside, he savored the touch of the man behind him. "I… don't mind, at all. In fact, I had been hoping… Lana said that you might… feel the same way I do… but I wasn't sure If I should believe her." He leaned his head back onto Alistair's shoulder and brushed his cheek with his own. Feeling Alistair's arms tighten around him, Cullen asked tentatively, "Her… 'gift'. How much does she share with you about what she… hears?"

Alistair's voice was low and husky next to Cullen's ear, "Lana's usually very discrete with specifics. She knows she doesn't belong in other people's heads, but sometimes the thoughts we think, especially the ones that have strong feelings behind them, come to her anyway. She's unable to filter them out."

Rubbing his fingertips over the backs of Alistair's hands, Cullen wanted to draw the conversation out longer. The sound of his voice and feel of his breath next to his ear sent shivers through Cullen's body-or perhaps that was the arms currently wrapped around him, "So, what has she told you regarding _my_ thoughts about you?"

"Frustratingly little, I'm afraid." Alistair laughed, "She let me know that our… thoughts about each other have been um…" Alistair chuckled to cover his own embarrassment, "rather similar. But like you, I was unsure if I should believe her. I should probably know better by now."

Blushing, Cullen bowed his head and marveled at their hands clasped so perfectly together. "The thoughts I have-while watching you work-would probably make most people very… uncomfortable."

Noticing the skin of Cullen's ears turning that endearing shade of red, Alistair grinned, "Thankfully my complexion is already fairly flushed, in the dim light of the bar, I can hide it pretty well. You on the other hand…" He turned Cullen so he could gaze into his eyes. "... are adorable when you blush."

Cullen got his first look at this beautiful man, post shower. His hair was wet and spiked up from towel drying. His workout shorts had been replaced with a pair of dark-grey, cotton pajama pants and a loose fitting, blue t-shirt. And he smelled…

 _Maker-he smells so good. Like soap and spice and..._

Reaching up, Cullen cupped Alistair's face while drowning in those honeyed eyes.

Unable-or unwilling-to hold back any longer, Cullen closed the distance and gently pressed his lips to Alistair's. He'd been dreaming about kissing those lips for so long, and the reality was far sweeter than he'd ever imagined. Soft, tender, beautiful. He _felt_ rather than heard, Alistair hum his approval against his lips. Reluctantly breaking from their kiss, Cullen rested his forehead against Alistair's. Eyes still closed-breathless, he whispered, "I've wanted to do that since the day I met you. Did Lana ever tell you that?"

Taking a steadying breath of his own, Alistair shook his head, "Sadly no, or I might have offered to sate your curiosity sooner."

He looked at Alistair incredulously, "While at work?"

Alistair grinned unabashedly. "Hey, it's my bar, who's gonna fire me?"

They both laughed while losing themselves in each other's eyes, marveling at how comfortable this felt; arms wrapped around one another, breathing each other's air. Perfect, comfortable… home.

Remembering the brush of lips from Friday night, Cullen smiled wistfully, touching his cheek. Curiosity getting the better of him, he had to ask, "so… Friday when I came in… I thought I felt you… did I imagine you kissing me?"

Leaning forward, Alistair whispered, "You mean here?" before placing his lips more firmly over the area that he'd barely brushed over, two nights before.

"Mm-hmm" Cullen hummed in response.

Alistair smiled sheepishly before explaining, "As you might have noticed, Fridays and Saturdays here boast a very different energy. Zev and I had already been flipping bottles for a couple of hours when I finally saw you sitting there. I was so surprised, that in the heat of the moment, I… simply couldn't resist."

Alistair's eyes turned serious, "I was worried when you left so early, that it was because I'd upset you with that kiss. That was part of what I was trying to distract myself from with my workout, the fear that I'd never get a chance to apologize, or find out if my feelings were reciprocated." He finished, looking deep into Cullen's eyes, his soul; hope and amazement written clearly on his face.

"Please don't apologize. I dare say, it's what carried me through the last two days and up your stairs tonight. I'd hoped that I didn't imagine it, because that would mean that you might actually..." leaning in, he tasted Alistair's lips again before finishing, "want this as well."

Cullen smiled as he trailed kisses along Alistair's cheek, savoring the little sounds of pleasure he was pulling from him. He still couldn't believe that he was here, nor that Lana would keep to herself the details of the graphic fantasies he certainly projected while watching Alistair work. Noting the full body quiver as he nipped at Alistair's ear, Cullen tucked that information away for later before whispering huskily, "Are you sure she didn't even give you a hint of the things I thought about while watching you?"

More curious than ever about the details of said fantasies, while doing his best to behave, Alistair tried to focused his attention on Cullen's tender kisses. At the tentative touch of tongue on his lips, Alistair granted him entrance and immediately moaned with pleasure at how good he tasted.

Coming up for air, Alistair answered the statement he'd almost gotten distracted from, "Trust me, if she had, I wouldn't have waited so long. Lana's not like that. Though apparently she and Leliana aren't above a little nudging now and then. I wish she would have nudged a bit harder though. We might have been here weeks ago if she had." He grinned thankfully at their current situation being all because they were pushed by the two women downstairs.

"Perhaps she did, in her own way. Only we were too hung up on our own 'stuff' to follow such gentle direction. I can appreciate her not abusing her gifts though, it's nice to know that she didn't give away all of the secret fantasies I've enjoyed while watching you." Cullen blushed while his eyes smoldered at the man in his arms. "I have half a mind to thank her actually."

Alistair nodded in agreement and laughed, "You're right-and you probably just did. She still likes to hear stuff like that verbally though. I don't know, maybe we should send her a cheese tray or something to express our gratitude." he teased.

Alistair continued, "Oh and I should probably warn you. Along with her sage advice, Lana did threaten me when it came to you."

"She threatened you? I don't believe it!" Cullen chuckled at the thought of the tiny woman threatening a man at least a foot taller than her.

"Oh, it's true! That little elf threatened me not to screw this up by rushing us too fast. First, I'm not moving fast enough for her and even before I'd gotten the nerve to let you know I was interested, she tells me that once I do that I need to take it slow with you."

Alistair grinned playfully as he mocked Lana's orders, "For your information, we are supposed to cherish these first moments together and not jump into bed immediately." His hands had their own mind however, as he gently caressed the man in his arms. He couldn't get enough, couldn't touch enough, wasn't close enough.

"So Lana can be pretty intimidating I take it?" Cullen breathed out between their kisses.

Alistair actually shuddered, "She can be scarier than you might well imagine."

"I can imagine pretty scary. But still…Lana?" Cullen nipped at Alistair's lip playfully then following it up with a deep kiss.

"You have no idea." Alistair warned, "When she gives an order, it's almost always followed."

Curious, Cullen had to ask between more kisses down Alistair's throat, "And do you… intend to follow… this order?"

Shuddering, Alistair couldn't help but moan with pleasure, "We probably should… after all, I would… hate to chance ruining something so incredible." Alistair lamented the validity of her request.

Cullen nodded in agreement of Lana's orders, of Alistair's fears echoing his own, "Perhaps we should listen to her… maybe … as a thank you." Cullen said half-heartedly, his kisses coming more urgently. Growling low in his throat, he admitted, "Maker, help me, but you're not making it easy though."

Alistair grunted his frustrated agreement between his own impassioned kisses, "She'd only just come up here to interrupt us anyway. I'll agree to be a good boy tonight if you will." He leaned in and licked at Cullen's ear before whispering, "Though I reserve the right to reassess… on a moment by moment basis." To drive his point home, he kissed him fully and pressed their bodies firmly together, their erections giving away their mutual state of arousal. Moaning, groaning, mewling into each other's mouths as their kisses deepened.

They nodded in agreement while their hands, mouths, and bodies told a completely different story. As their hands roamed frantically, cupping, caressing, exploring; their kisses became even more heated. Alistair began to doubt that he would be able to wait after all. This man was here-now-and clearly as interested as he. As if summoned from his deepest desire, Cullen appeared on his doorstep-drinks in hand-looking far more delicious than anyone had a right to be.

Just as he was thinking about removing Cullen's shirt to feast on the skin underneath, there was a quick rapping on the door, bringing both men back to the moment.

Panting and groaning, Alistair pulled away without breaking eye-contact; his pupils, dilated with desire, "Yeah, yeah I know - now go away and leave us be!"

"You know I can hear your thoughts better than your words! Creators, you two are both so damn _loud_! Remember what I told you, Ali." Warned Lana, not unkindly, from behind the door.

Grinning hugely now, Alistair's hands still roamed freely over Cullen's shoulders and back, though their urgency had dissipated some. He managed to respond with a snarky, "Yes Mother!" to Lana's disappearing footfalls.

He rested his forehead against Cullen's to catch his breath, "Well, it looks like I was right about her interrupting us, so perhaps we should… actually behave… for now. I really don't want you to leave just yet though, so… movie? Popcorn? Drinks on the sofa?"

Cullen was holding back his own laughter at Lana's timely interruption, "It sounds wonderful, as long as I don't have to let you go, I'll be happy with whatever you suggest. I promise to behave… Commander's honor." Cullen winked at Alistair then pulled him in for one last, chaste kiss before releasing him to prep the movie.

Alistair lay on the oversized sofa with Cullen resting quietly in his arms. His face happy and content in sleep, which brought a smile to Alistair's heart. They were wrapped tightly around each other with Cullen's cheek laying lightly against Alistair's chest and their legs intertwined. He gazed down at the man in his arms, drinking in how perfect he was. He couldn't believe how this day turned out. What started out as frustrating, turned into one of the most wonderful evenings he could ever remember experiencing.

Once they resigned themselves to 'behave', they made popcorn, poured their drinks, and settled into a comfortable evening watching the movie first before putting in the TV show. They talked, joked with each other, playfully tossed popcorn to see who could catch more, and generally quoted the same lines. The movie turned out to be a mutual favorite and Alistair nearly squealed when he saw the show Cullen had selected to follow it up. He definitely approved.

Always touching, occasionally kissing, they were both fully at ease passing the evening in each other's company. They eventually settled into laying on the couch to watch several episodes of the TV show. Alistair brought out a pillow for them to share to be more comfortable. As they lay there together, they spent more time gazing into each other's eyes than actually watching the show. After a while, Cullen's lids grew heavy and Alistair didn't have the heart to wake him.

Laying there with their arms wrapped around each other, he enjoyed watching Cullen as he slept. Reflecting upon their evening together, Alistair smiled to himself as he brushed errant curls from Cullen's forehead so he could place tender kisses in their place.

Alistair shifted slightly lower down the length of the sofa as his own head began to nod. Cullen growled in his sleep and rolled over, pulling Alistair's arms tightly around him pinning them together, back now firmly pressed to chest.

Chuckling quietly, Alistair reassured him, "Don't worry, my sweet man, I don't plan on letting you go anytime soon… or… ever."

Laying his head on the pillow that they shared, Alistair allowed himself to drift off to sleep, fully at peace, and heart happy.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

If you are unfamiliar with the concept of a salmon ladder, I highly recommend you google Stephen Amell (from the TV show Arrow) and watch that boy fly. I've yet to find a video of him descending the ladder, but you can see others do it by googling 'descending salmon ladder'. For an added thrill, you can also look up 'double salmon ladder'.

 _For the record: Alistair's ladder is only a single and has about 10 rungs spaced 18" apart, the first one is 6' off the ground. Yes his loft has high ceilings!_

Pull-ups, by nature, are just hot! (Thank you Ponticle) But I needed an exercise with an audible component, so this is now my newest happy image of Alistair burning off steam.

* * *

 **Thank you to those that are sticking with me! I wrote this piece to make myself happy, but I have to say, the Favorites, Follows and Reviews certainly make my day when they come in! (You guys are seriously the best!)**

* * *

 ****This work will have weekly updates****

Unless you're really good, then you may get bonus chapters!

Stay tuned and subscribe for easier updates!

Favorites, Reviews and Follows always welcome!

* * *

I owe so much to and Ponticle for their guidance, direction, and occasional wet noodle, lashings.

Their assistance keeps me on task to meet their high standards for appropriate writing!

(and inappropriate writing too - but those chapters aren't available to you yet). ;)

Thank you ladies! You are the best!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary:**

An unintentional slumber party.  
Two love sick fools trying (and failing) to concentrate on their work.  
A few small secrets revealed  
and a timely escape

* * *

 **Notes:**

Hmm - some language in here and mention of being raised in an orphanage... no other warnings for you to worry about.

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 6**

The Timely Escape

Cullen sat at his desk staring blankly at the report in front of him. His mind far away; still wrapped in Alistair's incredible embrace. They stayed up late: the TV, no more than a backdrop for the intensity of what was blooming between them. It was powerful-the pull they felt towards each other-like nothing either of them ever experienced before.

As the night wore on, they fell into a comfortable silence; laying together on the oversized sofa. On his back with Alistair pressed close to his side-his head resting comfortably on Cullen's shoulder-their legs intertwined, allowing for both of their tall bodies to fit the furniture. They lay there, lost to soft caresses and fond gazes; basking in the newness of their shared affections. Comfortable, content, and completely at ease; Cullen didn't even remember falling asleep.

He woke, held securely in place by Alistair's arms, spooned tightly to his chest with the steady stream of breath tickling the back of his neck. The sun-peeking through the wall of windows-spoke of how late he was going to be to work. He needed to head home so he could shower and change, but even with that hanging over his head, it still took effort to pull himself from the warmth and connection he felt there with Alistair.

Sighing with contentment, Cullen loved how perfectly they slotted together. Blinking away his surprise, he realized that after only one night's sleep in Alistair's arms, he felt more relaxed and at peace than he could ever remember feeling before.

 _Damn Mondays!_

Work was the last place he wanted to be, especially when Alistair had another day off and felt so incredible pressed up against him. Slowly and reluctantly, he extracted himself from those incredible arms. Hearing the pitiful whimper of protest, he smiled knowingly.

 _I know exactly how you feel. What I wouldn't give to be able to stay here with you all day!_

Pulling the afghan from the top of the sofa, Cullen tucked it around Alistair then went in search of something to leave a note with. Finding paper and pen, he wrote simply:

* * *

 _Thank you for an incredible evening. Though, I never_

 _intended on imposing on you for the whole night, I will admit to_

 _thoroughly enjoying waking up in your arms this morning._

 _Enjoy your day off. My day will be spent working, with_

 _thoughts of you to carry me through._

 _Yours,_

 _Cullen_

* * *

After brushing his lips softly across Alistair's brow, he left the note on the table, slipped into his shoes, grabbed his belongings from the credenza, then slipped quietly out the door.

The stairwell was dark, with only the glow of the EXIT sign to light the way. Feeling along the wall, Cullen found his way to the door at the bottom of the stairs with little trouble. Letting himself out, he said a quiet thank you to Lana for showing him the alternative exit the night before. Shivering from the early morning chill, Cullen realized that he'd left his jacket upstairs, hanging on the coatrack.

 _Maker's breath, talk about being distracted! Well… at least that will give me a good excuse to come back sooner rather than later._

A knock on the office door brought Cullen out of his reverie.

"Yes?" he responded, then nodded to his Lieutenant as he tentatively poked his head in.

"A package just arrived for you, Commander."

"A package, Rylen?"

"Yes, sir. The box isn't labeled and the messenger who delivered it wasn't very forthcoming with her knowledge of its contents. It isn't ticking or anything though and it _is_ really light. Would you like me to make sure it's safe before I bring it in, sir?"

Cullen pondered the request. The fact that his Lieutenant was worried, spoke volumes about how rare it was for him to receive visitors or correspondences at work. He wasn't aware of anyone being unhappy with him enough to send threatening packages though.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Cullen decided to take the chance, "No, that's all right. Go ahead and bring it in."

Rylen returned with a three inch square by twelve-inch-long, rectangular box, wrapped in plain brown paper. The lettering on top simply read:

* * *

 _Commander Cullen Rutherford_

* * *

Turning it over and seeing that there were no other markings, Cullen looked up at Rylen and shrugged. Peeling off the paper revealed a simple white box with royal blue ribbon held in place by a silver embossed sticker. The image imprinted on the silvery foil was a wheel of cheese with a glass of wine positioned directly in the middle of it; it was a relief of the same logo that adorned the outside of Alistair's bar.

"It's ok, Lieutenant, there is no danger here." His mind pulled him back to the loft as he studied the box; running his fingers over the ridges of the logo. Cullen was so distracted by his thoughts that he missed the sound of his office door clicking shut and the soft footsteps that returned to the front of his desk.

Rylen cleared his throat, "Permission to speak freely sir?"

"Yes? What is it?" Cullen noted the concern on his lieutenant's face, setting the unopened box aside, he gave him his full attention.

"Is… everything all right, sir? You seem to be… well frankly, you seem to be acting differently this morning."

Cullen quirked an eyebrow, "How do you mean?"

"First of all, you… you're usually here and working diligently when everyone else shows up for their shifts."

"Am I in trouble for not showing up for work on time?" The slight quirk of his lip, the only indicator that he wasn't serious.

"No um… No, sir, not at all. But you see…"

"You'll have to be a little more detailed than that, Rylen. C'mon dazzle me, what's so different about me this morning?" Cullen leaned back in his chair with his hands clasped behind his head as he waited for his second to gather his thoughts.

Cullen enjoyed watching Rylen's uncomfortable shifting from side to side as he tried to figure out how to proceed. As his mentor, Cullen had been working closely with Rylen on assessing situations and compiling data to make realistic conclusions. Because they spent so much time together, poor Rylen was exposed to more of Cullen's unique brand of humor than anyone else in the office.

 _I probably shouldn't enjoy razzing him this much… but damn, he makes it so easy sometimes!_

Rylen stuttered, "W…What I mean, sir… you seem to be uh, h…happier than normal."

"Happier." Cullen deadpanned. "So you're worried because I'm in a good mood?"

Clearly agitated, Rylen was wondering if it might have been safer to not say anything at all. "No, sir. Well, actually… You see… you've been smiling, sir."

"Smiling."

"Yes, sir, you don't usually smile much at all. You were also _late_... and you're _never_ late." He was wringing his hands as he rushed through the information he'd gathered.

"I set my own hours, Rylen, how can I be late?"

"Well, yes, that's true. But you run like clockwork; on the days that you come into the office, you're always here by seven forty-five to greet the eight am shift as we come in. On the days that you work in the field, you always call in by nine."

"And today?"

"You arrived at nine fifteen, sir…. and… you brought donuts." Rylen was looking everywhere else but at his boss. Cullen knew his voice had remained stagnant, but he could no longer hide the smirk that was growing on his face. If his Lieutenant looked at him directly, he would have noticed that he was being fucked with.

"Donuts are bad?" Cullen queried. "Like… swooping?"

"Well not exactly, sir, but combined with you being late and…" Rylen lowered his voice, "When you went to refill your coffee, sir, I could have sworn that I heard you… humming."

"Humming is _clearly_ unnatural, perhaps I need to be sent in for a psych eval?"

"Unnatural for _you,_ sir, but…" He finally looked up and saw that Cullen was grinning at him. "Damnit, sir! Why do you do that to me?"

"Because it's fun and you're so easy to rile up. So… let me have the rest of your deductions. You're a smart man, Rylen, what's going on with me that's so different?"

Clearly relieved, Rylen didn't bother commenting on his boss' affinity with messing with him, "I don't believe you need a psych eval, sir. But when I came in this morning to tell you about your package delivery, I noticed that you haven't made a dent in your reports, which-late or not-you would normally be almost done with by now. And speaking of the package… if I didn't know any better, that look on your face when you were touching the seal… looked almost wistful."

"Your point, Lieutenant?"

"All of that leads me to wonder-not that it's my place to ask-but… have you uh... _met_ someone, Commander Cullen?"

Clearing his throat, Cullen ticked his protégés findings off on his fingers, "So based on: my tardiness, willingness to share baked goods, having a catchy tune stuck in my head, lack of focus on my work, and the unusual delivery of personal mail… you've come to the conclusion that I've somehow found myself enamored with someone. Am I to understand that I have also become an object of gossip within the office?"

Rylen reassured him quickly, "No, sir! Not that I've heard, anyway. But you've been teaching me to notice things that seem out of the ordinary and, well, your behavior today has definitely been… different… for you…sir." He paused for a moment in contemplation before deciding that it was ok to finish his thought, "If you _have_ met someone, I just want you to know that I am… happy for you. Again, not that it's my place to say, but you spend too much time alone."

Cullen raised his eyebrows at his Lieutenant's last statement, but held his tongue. Rylen caught the tail end of the look and amended his statement, "I will also do my best to squash any such rumors or gossip pertaining to your personal life _should_ they spring up."

Cullen ran both hands down his face while groaning audibly before responding. "It's ok Rylen. I have-in fact-met someone, and I would thank you for your discretion on this matter. I like to keep my personal life… private, and I know how fast gossip can spread around here."

Pulling the box back in front of him again, Cullen gazed down at it with curious smile while continuing, "I would regret it even more, however, should there be nothing for you lot to gossip about. Thank you for your concern, Rylen. And not a bad little bit of detective work there. Dismissed."

Rylen smiled gratefully with a nod and let himself out.

Taking a deep breath, Cullen removed the ribbon from the box and lifted the lid. Laying just inside, was a small glass vase and a single red rose in its early stages of bloom.

There was also a small note card with neat script matching that on the outer wrapping:

* * *

 _You may impose on me anytime!_

 _Always,_

 _-Alistair_

* * *

Smiling to himself, Cullen put water in the tiny vase and set it on the left side of his desk, near his computer; Close enough that he could enjoy it, but hidden to most visitor's prying eyes.

Cullen knew he falling hard for Alistair. Last night only cemented how truly lost his heart was. Dorian and Rylen were right, he was a mess-distracted and out of his element-all he could think about was Alistair. He needed to pull himself together and focus.

Unable to concentrate, he thought perhaps sharing his current euphoria might help him get back on track. Picking up his phone he sent out a text.

 **[10:45]**

 **Cullen:** You were right.

 **Dorian:** Amatus? I am frequently right, but what, pray tell, am I right about on this glorious Monday morning.

 **Cullen:** I was… pleasantly surprised. Though my focus today is completely shot to hell.

 **Dorian:** …!... Congratulations my dear friend! And the 'being distracted' will pass in time. With luck, however, that warm, full feeling in your heart-will stay forever.

 **Cullen:** I just wanted to say, thank you.

 **Dorian:** For?

 **Cullen:** Giving me the push I needed. For helping me get over my own hang-ups.

 **Dorian:** That is what therapists do my friend, and if I may say so, I _am_ one of the best.

 **Cullen:** …

 **Dorian:** So, have you gotten his number yet?

 **Cullen:** Crap! No, I… got distracted.

 **Dorian:** ha, ha, ha-well, some things certainly never change. I expect a full report on my desk in the morning, ser Knight. And don't leave out any of the steamy fun bits!

 **Cullen:** Sorry, no report. Go make your own 'steamy fun bits' with Bull.

 **Dorian:** Spoil sport. Gotta go, heading into a lecture.

 **Cullen:** Giving or receiving?

 **Dorian:** You know I have no preference… though Bull prefers to give.

 **Cullen:** Ugh Dorian, I don't need _those_ details!

 **Dorian:** Enjoy your day, Commander!

 **Cullen:** You as well, Doctor.

Cullen smiled as he set his phone down, no nearer to wanting to do his work than he was before.

One o'clock rolled around and Cullen still sat staring at his undented stack of reports. He'd spent the majority of the day either watching the clock tick painfully by or looking at his rose whose soft petals, reminded him of Alistair's lips.

 _Only a few more hours until I can safely slip out of here! But, what then?_

His heart was yearning to go back to Alistair's. He could always use retrieving his jacket, as an excuse, but a part of him was convinced that he wouldn't need one anymore. It was enough to just want to see him again. To touch and hold…

 _Maker's breath, Rutherford, pull it together!_

No sooner had the words run through his mind that he was remembering Alistair's kisses from the night before. Gently running his fingertips over his own lips, he was shocked out of his reverie by a quick knock on the door.

"Enter!" He commanded, happy for the distraction.

Rylen came in quickly and closed the door immediately behind him. He looked wide eyed, harried, and unsure of where to start.

"Yes? What is it?" Cullen prompted.

"There's a… gentleman outside who says he wishes to speak to you about a case, sir. He says that something priceless has been stolen."

"I don't generally deal with petty theft Rylen. You know that."

"I do, sir, but he specifically asked for you and is insistent that no one else will do."

Cullen argued, "Absolutely not, just because someone has heard my name doesn't mean I have to go personally help them find every stray kitten that's gone missing! Tell them to…"

Rylen was shaking his head in panic at Cullen's tirade and finally interrupted, "He's a _Theirin,_ sir."

"Theirin? You mean the family that put Denerim on the map?"

"Yes, sir! _That_ family. The one with all the businesses and money! The one that could make or break this precinct with a mere word to the Commissioner or Mayor. I think... you need to at least talk to him, sir, for all our sakes."

Cullen groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. He hated playing politics, but his Lieutenant was right. If his presence was specifically requested by _that_ particular family, it was his job to at least talk to the man and figure out how he could help him. As he began to put some semblance of order back into his desk, Cullen acquiesced, "Very well, Rylen, show Mr. Theirin in and we'll see if I can't find his missing 'precious'". The note of disdain in his voice was hard to miss.

Cullen knew of the family by name, but he generally ignored the hype and tabloid stories. This meant that he wouldn't be able to pick any of them out of a lineup were they right in front of him. Whatever he expected to come waltzing in with the family name, _Theirin_ , the man that entered his office, took him completely by surprise.

Cullen's breath caught as Alistair walked through the door wearing the leather jacket that he'd forgotten in his rush to leave that morning. Any other clue of familiarity was wiped clean before Rylen entered on his heels. Alistair quickly turned his most winning smile on the Lieutenant, "Thank you so much for procuring the famous Commander for me, I know he is a busy, busy man, but this object is so precious to me that simply no one else would do." Cullen thought Rylen was about to swoon as Alistair shook his hand before ushering him out the door and locking it. He wouldn't have blamed him, he'd been on the receiving end of that same smile and knew exactly how it could pluck the breath right from his lungs.

Reclining in his chair, Cullen watched with amusement as Alistair visibly relaxed once Rylen was gone. Looking around the room, Alistair grinned triumphantly as he observed, "Hmm, private office… no open blinds… Convenient."

"Privacy is paramount when interviewing potential witnesses." Cullen couldn't help but smile at the man who just successfully forced his way into a Commander's office of the local precinct while hardly batting an eyelash. Unable to help himself, he had to ask, "Theirin, huh? I don't remember seeing that name on the sign above your door. Come to think of it, don't most Theirin owned businesses have a plaque somewhere on them stating that they're family owned? You know, you might get more customers if you used it more often."

Alistair shuddered at the thought and held his hands out-palms up-in apology. Taking a deep breath, he began to explain, "I am the bastard son of a family that has a long arm and an even longer legacy. I was never meant to be and was hidden away in the chantry orphanage until circumstances allowed for me to be acknowledged. I am the black sheep of the family, if you will. I would never use the name to try to drum up business, I'd rather my customers make their choice out of curiosity or word of mouth, not because it's somehow attached to a family I barely know." He looked a little sheepish as he finished his diatribe, "I'm sorry, it's a… bit of a touchy subject for me".

Cullen tried to soothe the tension, "No need to apologize, I suspect we both still have a lot to learn about each other. I can be a very patient man when I need to be. And for you, I've got all the time in the world." He smiled affectionately.

Alistair relaxed, "I wouldn't have even used my family name to get in here if your Lieutenant wasn't so stubbornly protective of you and your privacy."

"Rylan's a good man." Cullen's smile never wavered as he watched Alistair inch closer as they talked. "So tell me about this item that was stolen from you? Or was that all part of your clever plan to sneak in here to see me?"

Alistair rounded the corner of the desk, "Oh no, no, Commander, that part is very much true. You see… I had an incredibly amazing evening last night. I'm talking fairytale worthy; birds chirping and singing along as I danced on air, experience. Yet, when I woke up this morning, I felt like something vital to me was missing."

Cullen's mind did laps trying to figure out what Alistair was referring to. The fairytale evening, he got. He felt the same way. But everything was in its place when he left…

Standing directly in front of Cullen, Alistair placed a hand on each of the chair's armrests, effectively pinning him in place. Leaning in for a tender, chaste kiss, Alistair whispered against his lips, "You, my dear, Commander, seem to have stolen my heart when I wasn't looking."

Reminding himself to breathe, he placed his hands on Alistair's hips and pulled him down onto his lap. Once seated, Cullen wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing him deeply and passionately. After coming up for air, he responded to his accusation, "Well then, I guess we are both guilty, as a piece of me has been missing all day and it wasn't until you walked through my door, that I felt whole again."

They savored the moment; quietly holding each other with their foreheads touching, breathing in tandem. The chair squeaked, making Alistair break the silence, "So how do you plan on explaining to the powers that be, that you and I managed to break your office chair? I can't imagine it holding us for long."

Cullen chuckled at the thought, "It's holding fine-so far-and at the moment, I don't really want to let you go. Should the chair decide to break, we'll just have to get _really_ creative with our storytelling." Stealing a quick kiss, Cullen admitted, "I've missed you today, you know."

Alistair relaxed further into Cullen's embrace, wrapping both arms around his neck and holding him tight to him. "I've missed you too. This isn't as comfortable as the sofa last night, but it will do for now. I am very thankful your office is so private, this might be awkward should any of your officers walk in."

"I wasn't imagining you locking the door when you came in, was I? You probably have Rylen wondering if he should be worried about you attacking me… protective as he is."

Alistair grinned mischievously, "Why yes, I did. Convenient that you had a lock for me to latch. It gave me a moment to calm my nerves actually. And that speaks well of you, that your guys like you enough to want to protect you."

"It's a mutual arrangement. We look out for each other." He returned Alistair's grin, "So what has you so nervous? Surely not me!"

"Well, it's not as if I make a habit of barging into police stations, demanding to speak to the man in charge. I'm actually surprised it worked." Alistair chuckled in spite of himself.

"I'm sure you have a very good reason for coming down here," Running his nose up the side of Alistair's neck he placed a soft kiss upon his jaw before whispering, "Though you could give me any reason at all and I'd still be happy just to see you."

"So you're saying that I'm not interrupting anything important?" He looked pointedly at the mountain of paperwork that still needed to be dealt with and chuckled. His smile grew as his eyes landed on the rose sitting on the corner of the desk. "I see you got my gift. I hope you didn't find it… too cheesy." Alistair managed to look a little worried.

"I did, and I love it actually. Thank you. If it wasn't 'cheesy' then I wouldn't have believed it was really from you." Cullen chuckled.

Relief seemed to wash over Alistair's face as Cullen admitted, "In all honesty, I've been pretty useless here today." Running his hands languidly up and down Alistair's back he elaborated, "I've been rather distracted you see. It's made it a bit difficult to concentrate on my work." He ventured in to taste Alistair's lips again, "All I've been able to think about is you and how much I thoroughly enjoyed last night. I've been lamenting not getting your number or even your last name so I could call and hear your voice. Something I plan on remedying today."

"You probably could have used your vast resources here to track down one wayward owner of a cheesy pub downtown. How many Alistair's could there be?"

"There's only one Alistair that I care about." He kissed him tenderly then added, "I probably could have, but if I'd used the resources at hand, the rumors surely would have run rampant."

"It sounds like there should be more to that statement?"

"My Lieutenant has deduced, by my odd behavior today, that I am currently smitten with someone; can you believe it?" His lips sought Alistair's again, he couldn't get enough.

"Say it isn't so!" Alistair chuckled, returning the affections.

"Totally unbelievable, I know."

"And how did he come to that conclusion? Is he a detective too?"

Cullen shook his head, "Not by rank, he's still in training. He is very observant, however."

"Do the... rumors pose a problem for you?" Alistair asked, worrying over how public Cullen would want their relationship to be.

"Not at all, they're a good team, but I prefer to keep at least the steamy details to ourselves." Cullen responded with a gentle smile, which made Alistair release the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

"Steamy details… I like the sound of that, actually."

Losing himself in Alistair's eyes, he gripped him tighter and pulled him in for a searing kiss. The passion from the night before, laying just under the surface, made it easy for them to lose themselves in tongues, teeth, and lips battling for dominance. Breaking away reluctantly, Cullen asked breathlessly, "You didn't happen to bring Lana with you did you? Are we safe from the mother hen?"

Gasping for breath, Alistair tried to chuckle, "Mother hen _?_ She's going to love that one! And no, she's back at the bar." He ran his fingers gently down the side of Cullen's cheek before continuing, "The girls run it on Sunday's and Monday's for me. She was here earlier though, my own personal delivery gal. I had no idea which precinct you worked at, so her uh, 'gifts' came in handy.

"I don't remember giving out my family name either. How'd you manage to address the box?"

Alistair blushed while looking away, "Apparently, you often use your last name when you're admonishing yourself." He tapped his own head to illustrate his meaning as he looked back into Cullen's eyes.

Cullen looked at Alistair in horror which was answered with a chuckle. "Now, now, you know she didn't give me any details. Believe me, I've tried to get them out of her. She did say it was pretty adorable though… and I have to agree." He leaned in for another kiss before continuing. "I was having similar issues trying to focus today. I'd been attempting to distract myself by counting inventory this morning when I sent Lana out to deliver your rose. When she got back I had counted the same box, four times, and _still_ couldn't retain how many bottles were inside. So I completely understand the, 'feeling useless' at work, thing. Lana laughed at our mutual pining then suggested we both escape for a while… to, 'get it out of our system', she said."

"The same Lana from last night who was trying to get us to slow down and not rush into things? I thought she wanted us to just enjoy each other for a while first."

"I did… rather enjoy you, but perhaps not to the full extent that my body craves. And it seems she's had a change of heart. Maybe she's plucked something out of our brains that has assured her that neither one of us are out to hurt the other. Maybe she knows something else that she's not sharing, but she was quick to shoo me away today. Her exact words were, 'Just go… find your Knight-Commander…"

"I am no longer a Knight-Commander," Cullen responded automatically.

Surprised, Alistair questioned, "You were a Knight-Commander? So you were..."

"A Templar, yes. I resigned from my post several years ago. The 'why'… I prefer to save for another time. But it was my previous rank that allowed me to keep the 'Commander' at least, for my current position, instead of the traditional, Captain."

"Do you still have the skirt?" Alistair's eyes lit up with excitement.

Cullen laughed, "It wasn't a skirt, it was part of the mantle and uniform."

Alistair grinned from ear to ear, "Can I try it on?"

Rolling his eyes at the excitement he saw in Alistair's, he countered, "Maybe someday, but you have to promise to dance the Remigold in it for me."

"Ok, but for your eyes only," Alistair winked.

"You were saying?" Cullen was trying hard not to let his laughter carry him away.

"What? Oh yes… you know it's actually funnier now. I wonder if she… hmmm… Anyway, where was I? Lana said… 'Go find your Knight-Commander in shining armor, get him out of your system so you can think straight again.' Though I willingly agreed with the first part, I fear that it will be a very long time before I will ever feel like I've had enough of you. And I can't imagine ever getting you fully out of my system."

Alistair leaned in to whisper, "I promise not to make a habit of intruding on you here at work, but, just for today…" He looked around conspiratorially before continuing, "Do you want to get out of here?"

Cullen listened, enraptured by Alistair's voice. His sudden appearance, gave him the excuse he needed to leave the office for the day. He looked briefly at the mountain of paperwork, then back at Alistair before replying, "I would like that. Give me a moment, then I'm yours."

Pulling him down for one last kiss before releasing Alistair from his lap. Cullen straightened his clothes, fixed his tie, and ran his fingers through his hair to make sure he was fully presentable. Unlocking the door, he let Alistair out saying deliberately, "Let me brief my Lieutenant, Mr. Theirin, then we can go take a look at the scene of the crime."

"Thank you, Commander." Alistair played along beautifully, "I truly appreciate your attention to this matter.

"Rylen?" Cullen beckoned him into the office; closing the door behind them.

"Is it serious sir?"

Cullen took a moment to think before making the decision to tell Rylen the truth. He sighed wistfully while looking through the wall into the corner of the outer office where he knew Alistair to be waiting for him, "I truly hope so."

Rylen looked confused, "No, sir, I meant the item that was…" then did a double take. "Wait! What? You're saying..." He looked at Cullen's sheepish expression to where he'd been staring. "You're dating a Theirin? _That..._ Theirin? Wow, sir, when you finally dive into the dating pool, you go all in!"

Cullen blushed lightly, "So it would seem. Until a few moments ago, I wasn't even aware that he belonged to the Theirin family. That part… hadn't come up yet."

Rylen smiled, "That would explain your earlier reluctance to meet with him. I take it you feel differently now?"

"Hmmm, very much so. I don't think either one of us were actually looking for… whatever this is we've begun. And as for the case, it seems it was a thinly veiled excuse to come see me today. Apparently he's been just as useless at work as I have been here." Cullen looked pointedly at his pile of reports.

"Don't worry, sir; your secret is safe with me for as long as you want it to be." Rylen grinned at his Commander. Then looking at the pile of reports on the table, he offered, "If you'd like, I could go through your reports for you. I can at least get through the minor issues and buy you some time to uh… go investigate this new case? In fact-if I may also offer-I think you may need to take tomorrow as well… for field work, of course. Just to make sure you've thoroughly exhausted all of your options and research. The Theirin's _are_ a very influential family, after all. We wouldn't want them to think that we're taking their case lightly."

Cullen looked at his Lieutenant and paused a moment before nodding gratefully. "Thank you Rylan, I owe you one. I will see you… the day after tomorrow."

"And I will _talk to you_ tomorrow at nine, when you check in." Rylen gently reminded him of his schedule, to keep up appearances. He'd been nudging Cullen-for a while now-to take some time off, and was pleased that he'd managed to find a good excuse for him to do so.

With a smile of gratitude, Cullen grabbed his coat and went to catch up with his date for the afternoon.

* * *

Alistair was waiting by the door when Cullen and his Lieutenant exited the office. It was all he could do to hide his smile as they approached. His heart fluttered in his chest at the mere sight of Cullen in his suit and long trench-coat, looking every bit the detective that his role entailed. All he needed was the hat… he filed that bit of information away for another day.

Watching Cullen and his Lieutenant, Alistair was suddenly nervous. They'd talked many times at the bar and last night in his apartment was amazing, but this felt… different. They wouldn't be at his pub or safely tucked inside Cullen's office or Alistair's loft; they would be out in public, on display.

 _Will he want to keep our relationship a secret? Will he be as willing as I am to let the world know?_

Cullen spoke first as they reached Alistair, "Rylen here will be holding down the fort in my absence. There is much paperwork to file to be able to uphold your family's illustrious reputation. It will all be done… discretely, of course."

Rylen piped up, "Not to worry sir, we've got your number should we need you". Then added in a whisper so only they could hear, "But I will do my best not to... uh... interrupt." Then louder again, "Good luck with your investigation, sirs. And, Mr. Theirin, don't worry, if anyone could be trusted with the care of your 'stolen' item, our Commander here can."

Cullen rolled his eyes but said clearly, "Thank you Rylan, that will be all."

Alistair felt relieved after the exchange with Rylen. Perhaps he wouldn't be so secretive about their relationship after all.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Thank you to those that are sticking with me!  
I appreciate all of your comments and support more than I can express with words!

* * *

 ****This work will have weekly updates****  
Unless you're really good, then you may get bonus chapters!  
Stay tuned and subscribe for easier updates!  
Favorites, Reviews & Follows also welcome!

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 **My heartfelt gratitude to Connie_Flint and Ponticle for being my guiding lights through this little adventure!**  
 **You ladies are the best!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary:**

Further down the rabbit hole we go!  
Short-ish chapter (for me anyway).  
What can these two get into in just over an hour?  
Our boys find out a bit more about each other and how they fit together in the world.  
They have a bit of a serious talk... topped with fluff. (Oh shush, no one's topping anyone... yet)  
and Alistair has plans for something cheesy... (Alistair? No! Not Alistair!)

* * *

 **Notes:** Warnings: some serious grown-up language in here and mention of abduction.  
 ** **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games****  
 ** **All twisted perversions therein,****  
 ** **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!****

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 ** **A/N**** \- The next couple of chapters deal heavily with world lore. Some of it is canon, some of it... I have twisted to suit my needs in this modern Thedas! I do love to leave my breadcrumbs (meaning, more will certainly be fleshed out later), but if you have questions, or if something doesn't quite make sense, PLEASE don't hesitate to ask! I have almost 25 chapters completed where I've woven this world together for you. I want you to enjoy it as much as I do! So ask! If I can explain something to make it more understandable, I will!  
Worst case scenario... I'll tell you that the answer is coming soon (hell, I may even give you the chapter that your answer awaits in)!  
Free your mind from what you think you know, it will make some of this... easier to swallow.

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 7**

Just a Walk in the Park

Exiting the building, Cullen and Alistair turned North towards the park. Their hands crammed deep in their pockets, more from nerves than to stave off a chill. It was early summer and the warmth from the late afternoon sun, negated their need for coats.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Cullen decided to break the silence, "It's a… nice day."

Pulled from his thoughts, Alistair couldn't help but smile, "What? I… uh… yes, yes it is…" Grinning sheepishly, he leaned over and playfully bumped their shoulders together, "Now that I've got you by my side, it is anyway."

Cullen bumped Alistair back as he eyed him appreciatively.

 _Sweet Andraste, he looks positively delectable in my leather!_

"Nice jacket, by the way." He couldn't resist the compliment.

"Looks good on me huh? But that's not the best part." Grabbing the collar, he pulled the lapels up to his nose and inhaled deeply, "It smells like you too. I'm not sure if that's helped or hindered my concentration today, but it has kept me smiling since I put it on."

Cullen was struck by how incredibly handsome Alistair looked at the moment. Not that he wasn't always easy on the eyes… but there was something different, and it wasn't just the leather. Maybe it was the sun shining through his hair, framing his freckles in a red halo. Perhaps, it was the eye crinkling grin that was currently lighting up Alistair's face while still clutching the lapels of his jacket. He looked happy-truly happy-and the pure unadulterated candidness of the moment sent Cullen's mind off on its own little adventure.

He wanted nothing more than to lean in and place a kiss on those lips that he now knew-all too well-were velvety smooth and tasted like heaven. Propriety held him back. They were in public, not in the more secluded bar or in his office.

 _Would Alistair even want that?_

Generally speaking, no one cared anymore what gender your partner was, what color their skin was, or what shape their ears were. Bigotry of all kinds was still around, but it was no longer common and usually only heard around the uneducated or downtrodden. Some people, it seemed, would always try to make themselves feel better by putting others down. That wasn't what was holding him back, however. Cullen was a public figure, well known and-for the most part-well liked. But his position held a high profile weight to it that wouldn't go unnoticed and _damnit_ … Alistair was a Theirin, if that name alone didn't scream, 'write ludicrous tabloid articles about me' he didn't know what would. The two of them together? That was perfect fodder for the bottom feeders of Thedas.

Alistair didn't publicly flaunt his heritage. He said himself, that he wouldn't list the family name anywhere on his building; so maybe he didn't want such a public relationship. It's possible that he purposefully avoided the limelight as well. If Cullen's job wasn't so high profile-and if he wasn't already well known for his dramatic exit from the Chantry-he would prefer to avoid it all too.

 _Why does this have to be so damn complicated? Maybe… it doesn't!_

Cullen began to lean in to steal a kiss, but once again, thought better of it until he could figure out where Alistair stood on the topic. Instead, he looked down at his shoes, smiling bashfully.

 _Shit, I don't want to mess this up, but damn!... He is perfect and I don't care what other people think. Perhaps… he won't either? I need to find some way to ask._

It took Cullen a moment to refocus back on what Alistair was saying.

"…almost as good as being in your arms… Well, no… actually… what am I saying? Nothing is quite _that_ good. Have I mentioned how much I thoroughly enjoyed last night? No? Yes? On a scale of one to ten, I would give it an eleven!"

Cullen watched with fondness as Alistair rambled nervously. Shaking his head at how silly, two grown-ass men could be around each other, he couldn't help but chuckle.

 _He's completely adorable! Even after last night, we're both still bumbling and unsure. We definitely need to get over this._

Alistair's voice trailed off as he realized that Cullen was watching him with silent amusement.

 _Crap! I'm rambling again - way to go Al!_

Unsure of how to proceed, he began to drop his hands uncomfortably from the collar back towards his pockets. His face looking anywhere but at Cullen, cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

Noticing the change in Alistair's demeanor, Cullen caught his wrist on its descent. Locking eyes with Alistair, he cautiously slid their hands together, intertwining their fingers, praying that Alistair wouldn't pull away.

He didn't pull away.

 _This is a good start._

Alistair hummed his approval-his body relaxing at the contact-then smiled in gratitude.

Squeezing gently, Cullen asked, "You don't mind do you?"

Bringing their threaded fingers to his lips, Alistair kissed Cullen's knuckles before responding, "Not at all. This is… nice… comfortable… easy... calming. Sometimes, when I'm nervous, my mouth runs away leaving my brain far behind. So…thank you."

"My pleasure… and, I'm glad that... I had worried that… well, it doesn't matter now." Looking down at their hands, Cullen smiled and admitted with obvious relief, "My mind was running its own laps and… I'm glad that you're not afraid to be seen out in public with me. It's not as if we could maintain some sort of anonymity, this _is_ likely to go public you know."

Alistair shrugged, "It's amazing how your thoughts echo mine... and we didn't even need Lana here to coach us through it!" Alistair leaned in cautiously and placed a light peck on Cullen's cheek, "In all honesty… I don't care who might see us together or what anyone else thinks of us. It's been too long since I've had anyone special in my life and _never_ anyone who makes me feel the way that you do. The only other opinion I care about on the matter… is yours, and I don't want to presume that you feel the same way."

Alistair's sincerity touched Cullen deeply. They'd only managed to walk a couple of blocks and were still within full view of the precinct when Cullen cupped the back of Alistair's neck and gently pulled him in for that kiss he'd been deliberating over.

Reluctantly breaking away with heavily lidded eyes, Alistair whispered breathlessly, "You do realize that they can probably still see us from your work, right?"

Cullen kissed him again before reassuring him, "Let them talk. You are far more important to me than any rumors they might spread and they can say nothing that could harm us. I feel no need to hide you or how I feel about you. Rylan already knows and the rest will know in time. I may not be forthcoming regarding my personal life with my coworkers, but I would never deny what this is either."

"And what is _this_ exactly?" Alistair asked as he swayed in Cullen's arms.

"This, my dear…" He claimed Alistair's lips a third time for emphasis, "is pure… fucking… magic."

Alistair wrapped his arms around Cullen, holding him tightly, while burying his face in his neck. They held each other close-in the middle of the sidewalk-for all the world to see. He knew exactly how Cullen felt. This thing between them was a force that transcended explanation. It was perfect, new, and beyond anything he ever thought possible for himself.

 _This, right here, is absolutely worth cherishing and nurturing!_

Realizing that there would be repercussions for that admission, he groaned inwardly.

 _Damnit! Lana's right. She's gonna be so smug about this._

Outwardly he nearly swooned, "You say the sweetest things to me." Alistair said while caressing Cullen's cheek before chastely kissing the scar on his lip. Winking, he threaded their fingers together again and pulled Cullen along, continuing towards the park.

Leading him towards the koi pond in the middle of the Zen garden, Alistair turned to face Cullen as they came to the edge of the gently rippling water. "I hope you don't mind, but I've taken the liberty of arranging a late lunch for us." He glanced at his watch before adding, "although, we have a bit longer to wait before it will be ready. Have you eaten?"

"No, I haven't, and I don't mind at all." He quirked an eyebrow in amusement before adding, "I will admit to being curious about something, however. How long have you been planning on abducting me from work?"

Alistair drew Cullen onto the wooden bridge over the water before answering, "You've been visiting me at work for months now. I thought it only fair to return the favor. Only… until last night, I wasn't confident that my… interests would be returned."

Cullen shook his head, "You mean I wasn't being obvious?" he asked with a grin. "Coming in regularly, only ordering one drink, yet sitting for hours, watching you work?"

"I figured you were only drinking one, because I kept giving you the good stuff."

"Well, it's not like you ever let me pay; and don't think I didn't notice when you increased the amount in my glass from two fingers to three when I stopped ordering that second drink." Cullen chuckled, "But no, I was busy taking it all in and I didn't want to risk forgetting or missing something important; trying my best to enjoy your company without putting you off. I was worried that you might find my attention… creepy." He smiled bashfully, "I couldn't stay away though. At first, I wouldn't admit-even to myself-why I was there so often. But one day I gave up my pretenses... I admitted that I really just wanted to see _you_."

Cullen studiously watched the fish swim beneath them while he ran his thumb affectionately across Alistair's knuckles. Flushing lightly, he realized that he just admitted more than what he meant too.

Alistair smiled at him. "I didn't find your presence creepy at all. In fact, though seeing you at the bar was a bit _distracting_ , the nights that you weren't there were even more so. Every time the door opened, I would look up, hoping to see you come in, only to be disappointed when it wasn't you. The fact that you run on a fairly regular schedule did help with my anticipation after a while." Alistair chuckled, "That's probably what made Friday so… unreal. You never come in on Fridays and then there you were, sitting in your usual spot, looking so damn inviting-if a little shell-shocked. Soo… what _did_ you think of our Wild Weekends?"

"In all honesty, it _was_ a bit… overwhelming for me. I may be a little like Lana in that respect." Cullen ducked his head in embarrassment before glancing back up again, "I will say, however, that I really enjoyed watching you dance." He grinned at Alistair, "I've never seen anyone move like that. It was… pretty impressive and quite provocative. Have you ever dropped a bottle?"

Alistair laughed, "I did in the beginning, but I haven't in a while. Granted, when you came in Friday, I nearly broke my streak." He shook his head ruefully, "When you walked through the door, Zevran had just tossed one up for me. I was so surprised at seeing you, that I nearly missed it. I may not have caught it with my usual flare, but I did manage to keep it from hitting the ground." Alistair cringed at the thought.

Cullen chuckled at the look of horror on Alistair's face, "Would it have been that bad?"

Groaning, he reluctantly admitted, "We have an agreement at the bar… whoever drops a bottle… gets auctioned off to the highest bidder." Alistair's face lit up with embarrassment.

"Auctioned off?"

"Yes… The proceeds get donated to a local charity which is decided by the crowd."

"That doesn't sound so bad, supporting the local community and all that. What is it exactly that they're bidding for?"

Alistair dipped his chin deep to his chest and coughed, "A kiss."

Placing a finger under Alistair's chin, Cullen tipped it up to look into his eyes, "I would have happily bid for that honor." He leaned in for a quick kiss then pulled back smiling at the relief written plainly on Alistair's face. "So… how long has it been since either of you dropped one?"

"Oh, Zevran drops one about once a month… just for fun. I haven't dropped one in almost two years."

"Do I need to add Fridays and Saturdays to my schedule so that I can defend your honor should the… unthinkable happen?" Cullen smirked.

Flushing more than Cullen for once, Alistair tried to let him off the hook, "How about… I try really hard _not_ to drop a bottle. But just in case, maybe we should clock how fast you can make it to the pub-on the off chance that I do miss one in the future."

"Um…" Cullen cleared his throat nervously, "I can make it in twenty minutes with end of the day traffic, but it only takes me seven to make it home at the end of the night." He grinned at Alistair, who started laughing.

"Right… of course you already know, it's not as if you're an incredibly observant detective or anything."

Running his fingers tenderly down Alistair's cheek, Cullen admitted, "More like… I just couldn't wait to see you after work… then at the end of the day, I found myself back home way before I wanted to be."

Alistair smiled with affectionate humor, "So… if I am going to drop a bottle, I'll make sure to wait until after rush hour so that my knight in shining armor can come rescue me."

"Exactly!" Cullen said, pulling Alistair in and kissing him soundly, before reaching into his pocket for his cellphone. "We should… probably exchange numbers though… just in case."

"Probably not a bad idea." Alistair took Cullen's phone and putting in his number, sent himself a text.

 **[14:45]**

 **Unknown:** Cullen's number, don't fuck this up! xoxo

Glancing at the text Alistair sent from his phone, Cullen laughed as he pocketed the device, "You are damn adorable… and I honestly don't think you can… fuck this up that is." The smile that lit up Alistair's face was totally worth it. "Thank you for the number, now maybe Dorian will get off my case about it." Winking at Alistair he said, "I'm sorry if his visit bothered you at all. As best friend's go, he's a good guy, but he was more of a pain in the ass this trip than normal."

"How so?"

"He spent most of this visit giving me shit." Cullen chuckled again. "Absolutely relentless. Hopefully now, he will back off."

"What was he onto you about?

Cullen ran his fingers through his hair, "You mostly." He smiled sheepishly, "Dorian and I have known each other for the better part of ten years. When I met him, I was going through a really rough time and he was… well… he was my therapist, to be honest."

"A little Florence Nightingale effect?" Alistair teased lightly.

"No! No, never. Please know that there has _never_ been anything like that between Dorian and I. He and Bull have been together for as long as I've known them and, though Dorian can be a bit…"

"Flirtatious?" Alistair chimed in helpfully.

"That's one way of putting it." Cullen chuckled before continuing, "Though he may be a bit flirtatious with everyone, he is fully devoted to his husband. Who, by the way, has a thing for redheads; so you might want to be careful… should Dorian bring him to town."

"Is Bull as bad as Dorian?" Alistair asked, thinking about Dorian's swagger.

"Different, very different. Seeing those two together is like watching oil and water try to mix. But somehow they do it… and they do it well. I've always been a little envious of what the two of them have. When I first met Lana and Leliana, I saw the same thing in them. It just is… as it's meant to be. They fit. You know what I mean?"

Alistair said breathlessly, "Yeah… I… think I do." Pausing a moment, he lost himself in Cullen's eyes before blinking a few times to regain focus, "Sorry… You were saying? About Dorian giving you grief?"

Bringing himself back to the topic, Cullen directed his gaze back to the koi swimming serenely in the pond, "In all the time that we've been friends… Dorian has _never_ known me to be interested in anyone. So when he said he was coming to town and I hesitated in offering to pick him up, he took it upon himself to investigate."

Alistair crunched some quick numbers in his head.

 _Ten years? He's been alone for at least ten years? Not that I'm much better, but damn!_

"Why did you hesitate this trip as opposed to his past visits?" Alistair was genuinely curious.

Cullen admitted with a shy smile, "Last time he was in town… I didn't have someplace else I'd rather be… it was Tuesday after all." He squeezed Alistair's hand for emphasis before continuing. "Dorian has _never_ liked being left in the dark, and since I wouldn't give him any details about you, he decided to take it upon himself to surprise me, just to meet the person who finally caught my eye. I still owe Rylen one for telling him where to find me," he huffed a quick laugh before continuing. "He spent half his visit razzing me over not having your number; and the other half, trying to convince me that I should just go in there and sweep you off your feet."

"So are you planning on telling him that I've been thoroughly swept?" Alistair grinned unabashedly.

Unable to meet his eyes, Cullen blushed, "He uh… already knows."

Cupping Cullen's face, Alistair placed a kiss upon each cheek, before leaning in to taste his lips again. "Good! I'd hate for him to come to the conclusion that I wasn't somehow keeping you happy."

"Why?" Cullen asked suspiciously. "What exactly did he tell you when he came in to see you. I only asked him to pass on that I was working and wouldn't be in."

Alistair shrugged, "Nothing terrible. I assume he's just worried about you and wanted to make sure I was going to treat you right."

"But we hadn't even…"

"Yeah, I know. I was a little confused at the time, myself. Apparently our friends had a better idea than we did that _this_ was happening." Alistair indicated the two of them together. "I suppose that's why they're our best friends. They know us better than we know ourselves."

"They?... You mean Lana too?"

"Yeah, Lana too. The insufferable elf, who can't seem to mind her own business." He laughed affectionately then sighed happily, "I can't thank her enough."

"I'm right there with you. It's nice to know we have people like that at our backs, though their concerns are unwarranted. There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep you happy, healthy, and safe."

Alistair pulled Cullen in for another full bodied hug, holding him close and enjoying their embrace. He thought about Cullen's words, 'wanting to keep him safe.' Last Thursday, that's all he'd thought about after Dorian left; wanting him to _be_ safe in the line of duty. Wanting him to come back to him.

Pulling away, Cullen could tell that Alistair had something on his mind, "What is it? What's wrong?"

Alistair sighed, "I was just thinking about Thursday."

"Did Dorian say anything _else_ to you that I should know about?" Cullen inquired, ready to head to Tevinter to wring a certain mage's neck, Bull or no Bull.

"No, not really. I wasn't thinking of his visit at all actually. In fact, I am grateful that he came in to let me know you were working late. I'd begun to worry when you didn't show up at your usual time."

"I am sorry for not coming in. Believe me, I would rather have been there with you."

"It wasn't that you didn't come in. Knowing that you were working was all I needed to put that to rest." Alistair took a steeling breath, "Learning that you were going out onto some kind of a raid, it made me… really think about what it is that you do. What you might face. I mean… I _know_ what you do, I _know_ it can be dangerous and I _know_ that you're trained to take care of yourself. But… that was the first time it ever occurred to me that there was the possibility of you not coming back. It was that thought… when I hadn't even let you know that you actually meant something to me yet, that…" Looking away, he wasn't exactly sure how to continue putting those fears into words or even if he should.

Cullen leaned his forehead against Alistair's, "I am sorry, I didn't mean to cause you to worry. Thankfully, raids like that don't come about too often. This one… this case was important to me for several reasons. Helping people is the part of my job that makes it all worth it… but this case was more than that… it was the culmination of _two months_ of hard work." He paused for a moment after emphasizing the time frame then quirked a smile before continuing, "This was what I was working on when I found my way into your pub, that very first night."

Alistair remembered, "The one that you didn't expect to have a happy outcome for at the time?"

Nodding, Cullen continued, most of it was already in the papers anyway, so it wasn't exactly classified, "A woman was taken from her home-from her family-she left behind a husband… and a baby. No one knew what happened to her. Some even believed she ran away. But I had a feeling… I _knew_ she was in more danger than anyone was willing to admit. Thursday, my team and I managed to find her and return her to her family. The group of…" He hesitated, nearly slipping up and revealing the truth of her captors. Instead, he went with the term used in the local papers, "The group of… _thugs_ that had taken her, did not survive the encounter. Their boss, however, managed to escape. I don't expect him to be returning anytime soon, though, I will continue my search for him."

Alistair gasped, pulling Cullen in-he held him close. As a Warden, he knew the horrors that were out there. He suspected that the _boss_ Cullen sought, was more than he appeared and secretly hoped Cullen wouldn't succeed in finding him. He prayed that Cullen would _never_ have to come up against anything that _he,_ himself, was specifically trained for; fighting the horrors that occasionally crossed the veil. As much as Alistair hated secrets, he wished more than anything to protect Cullen from the gut-wrenching reality of what's really out there.

Those without _the sight_ typically wrote these attackers off as people hopped up on PCP or some other enhancing substance. These _people_ moved too fast for anyone else to see where or how they caused damage to their victims-or so it was believed. The reality was far worse. Demons, dark mages, and darkspawn could all take life and to the _un-awakened_ eye, it would seem a horribly violent crime. Claw marks appeared to be slashes from a blade. Scorched flesh from magefire, written off as household accidents or sadistic murders. Even though the horrors went by different names, the outcome was usually the same; loss of life that could have been prevented, if the right defenders were present. The Grey Wardens were those defenders; trained to fight and take on what the mundane population couldn't comprehend. But their numbers were too few-they couldn't be everywhere they were needed and Alistair was… retired. Sort of.

He knew that there were rumors of _awakened_ Templars that would occasionally join forces with the Wardens when the situations warranted it. However, they were rare and Alistair himself had never encountered any, nor did he have an idea how to identify such a Templar. He prayed that Cullen wasn't one, if only to shelter him from the truth.

Bringing himself out of his macabre musing, Alistair attempted to lighten the mood, "I am glad you weren't hurt. I know it's probably silly but… I was worried, all the same."

Cullen caressed Alistair's shoulders and back reassuringly. He knew the reality of what he faced on Thursday. He also knew that it was something he wouldn't be able to fully share with anyone. In the heat of battle, he'd had no thoughts other than to protect and to serve. The reality of his foe haunted him that night-not enough to bring back the _full_ force of his nightmares, but enough to cause him to wake up covered in sweat… remembering. For the first time in over a decade, he knew there was someone else to whom his well-being counted. That his absence might somehow _pain_ Alistair, brought a mix of emotions that Cullen wasn't entirely prepared for.

Taking a deep breath, Cullen pulled Alistair even closer, wanting to share the reality, but knowing in his heart, that he couldn't. "You have no idea… I…" He interrupted himself from seeking that solace, electing instead to give reassurance, "Alistair, I… wish I'd been able to let you know that I was safe. I will from now on, I promise you."

Placated for the moment, Alistair kissed Cullen's nose then winked at him. Not wanting to end their conversation with Cullen's apology, he tried a different tactic, "Now, I don't want _you_ worrying about making _me_ worry the next time you have a job to do, Commander," he lectured. "Distractions can be deadly. Just keep yourself safe and come back to me, that's all I ask."

Smiling, Cullen acquiesced, "I think I can handle that." Watching the way Alistair smiled at him while they talked reminded him of something else from that first visit to the pub. Changing the subject completely, he asked, "Do you remember that first night I came into the bar? I said that I sensed an underlying sadness in you?"

Alistair nodded, unsure of where that was going, "I do. I said I would tell you when I figured out what it was, but I haven't thought about it since. Why?"

"It's not there anymore." Cullen responded smugly.

Alistair thought for a moment while letting that sink in, then laughed in understanding, "So I guess that means you're good for me?"

Cullen chuckled at that, "I certainly hope so."

Looking down at his watch as the Chantry bells called the hour, Alistair smiled while tugging Cullen along, "Come on, it's time."

Cullen quirked an eyebrow, "Time for?"

Alistair's grin grew with excitement and he laughed, "Something suitably cheesy!"

* * *

Notes: ****Ok Review Time!****

*Alistair is a Warden - it __almost__ means what you think that means.  
*The world is separated by a veil... not everyone can see the horrific truths that occasionally bleed over from the 'other' side.  
(Think muggle world with wizards or Harry Dresden's universe - i.e. ignorance is bliss)  
*Alistair and Cullen have more in common than either of them know... for the moment  
*and they're both still ridiculously hot (oh wait, that's not new news)

* * *

 ** **Normally I would have the next chapter posted next Monday or Tuesday, however, it is about twice as long as this chapter and it may take me a bit longer to get through my final edits. So... please be patient, I will have it up ASAP! (I promise not to make you wait longer than two weeks though... Warden's Honor)****

* * *

Thank you to everyone who's coming along for this ride! Your love and comments have given me all kinds of warm fuzzies!

* * *

 ** **1000 thank you's to my dearests' Connie_Flint and Ponticle for being my guiding lights through this little adventure!****  
 ** **You ladies are the best!****


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary:**

Some Fluff  
Some History  
Some Angst  
More History  
More Fluff  
And lots of information on this world.  
Hold onto your hats; and get your notebooks ready - there is a lot of information in this one!

 **Notes:**

Warnings: Strong language, mild panic attack, and flashback averted. Also discussion of minor character death.  
 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!  
**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 8**

Private Picnic

* * *

Cullen allowed Alistair to pull him along excitedly, wondering all the while where they were off to. He couldn't help but chuckle as the Chantry came into view and he realized that's where they were headed.

With a devious little wiggle of his eyebrows, Alistair led him up the stairs. Stopping at the closed doors, he winked at Cullen before schooling his features to one of somber piety. Opening the doors together, they stepped inside.

In the small vestibule, a white-haired Mother, bent with age, greeted Alistair by name, "Welcome back Ali; everything is as you requested." She looked from Cullen to Alistair with a knowing smile before offering, "Andraste's blessings upon you both."

Alistair bowed his head reverently before suddenly grinning and scooping the little Mother up into a hug. He kissed her cheek and said with jovial affection, "Thank you, Mother Natalie, you know you've always been my favorite." He set the tittering Mother back down with a wink before dragging an amused Cullen off into the nearest alcove.

Once inside, Cullen watched Alistair run his hands over the smooth mahogany wood. "Looking for something?" He asked with amusement.

"I know it's around here… a ha!" Alistair's fingers pressed down into the wall which emitted a faint click. He looked over his shoulder in triumph as the whole panel opened before them. "Right this way, if you please!" Alistair bowed dramatically, while ushering Cullen through the portal.

As he proceeded through the doorway, Cullen found himself in a sparsely decorated room. The only furniture was a small table and chair on one side and a comfortable looking, white settee on the other. In the middle of the space was a beautifully constructed, spiral staircase made of marble and iron which led to a room above. On the far side of the room, stood another nondescript door. Hearing Alistair approach from behind, he said with awe, "I've been inside this chantry many times and I had no idea, it held such secrets."

"You've seen nothing yet." Alistair chuckled, taking Cullen's hand, he led him to the opposite door. Pausing, with his back still to Cullen, he took a deep breath and peeked over his shoulder, "Do you… trust me?"

"Of course I do." Cullen answered without hesitation.

Turning around, Alistair let go of his hand and with a shy grin, reached into his pocket and produced a black blindfold. "I don't want to spoil the surprise too quickly." He mimed covering Cullen's eyes with the strip of silk, "May I?"

With a breathy moan, it was Cullen's turn to smirk deviously, "Now you _really_ have me intrigued. Blindfolds in the Chantry? You naughty, naughty boy."

Alistair laughed, "If I remember correctly, you were quite on board with Lana's plan of not rushing us physically. I can assure you, my initial intent was innocent." He swallowed audibly before continuing, "but with that look you just gave me; I may, in fact, have to keep this for later."

"Hey, I was only following orders. It took all of my willpower to keep my hands off you last night." Placing one hand on Alistair's waist, he stepped closer, chuckling at the memory, "The sentiment was not entirely untrue though, I _would_ hate to do anything to risk ruining this." Cullen reached up and ran the fingers of his other hand tenderly down Alistair's cheek.

Closing his eyes, Alistair leaned into the touch, "It's good to know I wasn't the only one struggling." Wrapping his arms around Cullen, he pulled him in for a lingering kiss.

Breaking from their embrace, Alistair reached up and tied the silk securely over Cullen's eyes. "Mmmm… There you go distracting me again," He admonished breathlessly, securing the knot. "Shall we?"

Cullen nodded then felt Alistair take both of his hands. Feather-light lips gently grazed his own before he was led forward through the door and out into the open air.

He followed Alistair's direction—trusting him completely. He had no idea where they were going, only that they were once again outside. The soft spongy ground underfoot felt like grass and he couldn't place the familiar scent in the air. It was flowery, sweet, and not at all unpleasant. He was led around several twists and turns before Alistair finally pulled him to a stop and dropped both of his hands.

Without voice or touch to guide him, Cullen stood perfectly still; waiting patiently. After a few moments, he felt those incredible hands drift across his back, then wrap around him from behind.

He shivered at the touch then felt Alistair's breath next to his ear, "Are you ready?"

His mouth suddenly dry, Cullen could only nod his assent.

Alistair reached up and untied the blindfold.

Blinking from the sudden bright light, Cullen took in his surroundings. They were in a flower garden. Some he recognized: roses, jasmine, royal elfroot, lavender and crystal grace, plus others he wasn't so sure about. They were in an inner courtyard within the Chantry. Under an ancient maple tree was a large quilted blanket with a feast spread out on it: breads, cheeses, meats, fruit, and a bottle of champagne nestled in a bucket of ice.

Turning to look at Alistair, he hoped his expression conveyed all of the awe and appreciation he felt, "You did all this? For me? But I…"

Alistair placed a finger over his lips silencing any further protests. "I wanted to do something special for you… to show you, how much you've come to mean to me. Do you… like it?"

Cullen kissed him deeply before replying, "Like it? I love it! No one has _ever_ done anything like this for me. Thank you so much!"

Excited to investigate all the wonders laid out before them, Cullen walked over to the blanket, removing his coat along the way. "Would you like me to pour? Or would you like to do the honors." He indicated the glistening bottle with a wink as he made himself comfortable on the blanket next to the champagne tray.

Enjoying Cullen's enthusiasm, Alistair made himself comfortable as well, "I'll let you pour this time, however, before you do…" He opened the lid to the basket and brought out a small container of strawberries and a paring knife. Slicing a berry in two, he popped one half into the bottom of each glass and placed the items back into the basket.

Opening the bottle, Cullen poured the bubbling treat while he mused, "First a rose delivered to my office, now a picnic complete with strawberries and champagne. My dearest Alistair, could it be that you are a hopeless romantic?"

They clinked their glasses together then took their first sips, gazes locked on each other in cautious adoration.

Setting his glass back on the tray, Alistair plucked another strawberry from the basket and brought it to Cullen's waiting lips, "Hope _ful_ … hopeful romantic."

Setting his own glass down next to Alistair's, Cullen opened his mouth and savored the sweet tartness of the juicy berry. Closing his eyes to swallow, he licked his lips then gave a reverent warning, "Be very careful, Mr. Theirin, you _will_ spoil me."

Eyes still closed, Cullen felt Alistair crawl closer to him on the blanket. He wanted this man more than he'd ever wanted anyone. Propriety be damned, waiting seemed like someone else's ill-conceived plan—maybe it _was_.

 _Why are we waiting?_

Turning his head, his mouth found Alistair's and his hands pulled at him insistently. The champagne and lunch forgotten; just out of range of their movements.

He melted into the kiss and rolled so Alistair was pinned beneath him. Breathless and excited, they lost themselves in the garden. Hands explored the chorded muscles on each other's backs and arms; fingers ran freely through one another's hair. Their mouths stayed busy as well-nipping, kissing, licking…tasting-any exposed skin was fair game.

Cullen knew that there was some reason they shouldn't be doing this—here and now—but for the life of him, he couldn't think of _what_ it might be. This felt right, _they_ felt so very right and he didn't want to wait anymore.

 _Damn Lana and her recommendation._

Grinding their still clothed bodies together—moaning and writhing—wrapped in each other. In the distance, a tolling could be heard: faint, yet insistent. The sound grew louder and more distracting until—panting for breath—the two broke apart, realization of their surroundings making them pause. They may be in a semi-private garden, but they were still in the Chantry; one of the Brothers, Mothers, or Sisters could happen by at any time.

Flushing profusely, from a mix of embarrassment and ardor, Cullen tried to speak, but his words caught in his throat. "I'm sorry, that was… I _shouldn't_ have… Maker's breath, you do the most wonderful things to me…" he finally managed.

"I know I'd like to." Alistair grinned from his position beneath him, savoring the warmth and weight of Cullen's body.

"I'm certain I would very much like you to, but perhaps… someplace more private?" Cullen looked around hesitantly, while attempting to tamp down his desire.

"You're not making it easy for me. All of your deliciousness currently has me pinned to the ground." Alistair grinned as his hands traveled over Cullen's tight ass.

Looking down at their bodies, Cullen marveled, "Mmmm… so I do." Sliding the full length of his obvious erection one last time over Alistair's equally swollen cock, Cullen leaned in for a contrastingly chaste kiss before sitting up.

Alistair lay dazed for a moment, whimpering then sighing with disappointment as he adjusted himself in his now too-tight jeans. Regaining his composure, he asked cheekily, "Hmm, was that a threat?"

"No, my dear, _that_ was a promise: to pick this back up again later when we have a little more… privacy."

Alistair grinned, "I will hold you to that. Now before we get _carried away_ again, perhaps we should eat something before all of this gets cold, or warm... or whatever?"

Cullen plucked a grape from the small bowl of fruit and fed it tenderly to Alistair then followed it up with another kiss. "As you wish," he whispered fervently.

The two settled into their lunch, laughing, joking, and talking about whatever came to mind. Their conversations were frequently interrupted by quiet moments where they'd gaze into each other's eyes, or lean in for tender kisses. Finishing the last of their meal, they cleaned up what was left and laid back on the blanket to watch the clouds overhead. Their hands gently clasped together, they were comfortable in their quiet contemplations for several long moments.

Cullen looked over at Alistair staring up into the heavens. He loved the gentle smile that so frequently reached his eyes. Rolling to his side, he propped his head up with his hand and asked, "What are you thinking about?"

"Oh you know, the usual: my favorite types of cheeses; that cloud over there looks like a griffon in flight; if I remembered to order more rum; what did I ever do to deserve someone like you?" Alistair rolled over to match Cullen's position, their hands once again finding each other between them.

"Like _me_? I'm nobody special."

Alistair inched closer and—wrapping an arm around Cullen's waist—pulled him to his chest, kissing him sweetly. "You are to me. I've never felt anything like this before. There I was, minding my own business, and then there you were smiling at me, making me believe I could have more than I had ever hoped to before. You make me feel wanted and special and… I don't know, just _alive_ I guess."

Cullen smiled back at Alistair, "I know what you mean. I never thought I could feel like this: whole, complete, hell… even _happy_. I've served most of my life, fought for causes outside my own, and never really thought much for my personal happiness. Rylen tells me I am as predictable as clockwork, yet something drew me into your pub that first night, pulling me out of my usual, monotonous routine. I've been thanking the Maker every day ever since."

Overwhelmed by their mutual admissions, they fell together; kisses sweet, Cullen's hand cupping Alistair's face, Alistair's wrapping around Cullen's waist, holding them tightly together. Unsure of who moaned first, the sounds brought them out of their amorous embrace. Alistair broke first and laughed, Cullen followed soon after, resting his face on Alistair's shoulder as their giggles subsided.

"Damn… I feel like a teenager all over again. You make it very difficult to behave myself. So now it's up to you to distract me. What should we talk about?"

"We can talk about… how much I enjoy kissing you, how soft your lips are, and what other things I'd like to…"

"Not helping!"

Alistair laughed, "Ok, Ok - you win… for now. I wouldn't mind picking up that conversation again later though." He winked.

"We'll see. But for now… ask me something. What do you want to know?" Cullen looked at him expectantly.

"Fine! You're so damn pushy!"

Cullen grinned unabashedly and waited.

"Ok, so why don't you tell me about your time here in the Chantry? Tell me about the life of a cute little Cullen Rutherford growing up within these walls. Why did we never meet? You're what… a year younger than I am? I know the trainees don't usually mingle with the other kids here, but I like to think that I would have remembered you—especially working drills in the courtyard… shirtless… sweaty. Mmm." Alistair smirked while licking his lips as he checked out Cullen's body with a little too much emphasis.

"Hey! We're supposed to be behaving!" Cullen pushed Alistair's shoulder, causing him to fall onto his back with an indignant squeak, leaving them both laughing again.

Enjoying the playfulness, Cullen caught his breath and addressed Alistair's questions, "I'm sure I would have remembered you too, but sadly, I didn't train at _this_ Chantry. I only transferred here ten years ago and then served for two more before I… retired from service." Cullen lay back down to stare up at the clouds, his fingers still firmly intertwined with Alistair's, "I'm from Honnleath originally and was older than most when I was finally _allowed_ to start my training. At thirteen, I had to work hard to make-up for that lost time."

"Thirteen? Why did you join so late?"

"I always knew that I wanted to be a Templar. My parents… took longer to accept that it wasn't just a passing phase. I remember going to the Chantry whenever I had a spare moment, to watch them train—topless and sweaty, as you said—though, I didn't take much notice of that at the time." Cullen winked at Alistair before continuing, "I wasn't permitted to practice with them officially—without my parent's consent—but there were a few that humored my many questions and even left out copies of the Chant of Light, so I could practice."

Cullen's smile turned mournful, "There was a time when I believed there was no higher calling. That serving the Maker would be worth _every_ sacrifice. I wanted nothing more." He continued with a humorless chuckle, "When I was finally permitted to join, I was very dedicated. I put everything into my studies and my training. Not only did I catch up to my peers, I rose through their ranks rather quickly."

Cullen closed his eyes as his tone darkened, "After so many battles and trials though, I began to see that not all I had been led to believe was _true_. I became _disillusioned._ I lost the joy that I once felt wearing the mantle. It eventually occurred to me that I was meant to walk a different path. I do still believe in the core tenants; I believe in the love of the Maker and his Bride, but I no longer have faith in the institution itself. Once I reached that point, I knew it was time to leave." Cullen drew a shaky breath and let it out slowly, opening his eyes to stare back up at the clouds.

Alistair read the pain in Cullen's eyes as he looked up to the heavens. Wanting nothing more than to replace that hurt with their earlier light banter, he decided to shift the conversation, "I hear that some Templars take certain vows when they become full members. Did _you_ ever take such vows?"

"I took the same vows that everyone else did," said Cullen seriously. "I pledged my life to Andraste and the Maker. I vowed to watch over and care for those who might need it and defend others who were unable to defend themselves. I did my best to serve with faith and humility." He cocked his head in question, wondering what exactly Alistair was asking.

"Don't some Templars also… take vows of celibacy?"

Cullen's crooked smile began to surface. He realized where this was leading, but wasn't yet ready to take the bait, "Some do… Others choose to marry, with permission from the Chantry of course".

"And did _you_?"

Shaking his head, he replied, "No, I… never got married." He managed to keep from laughing as he dragged it out as long as he could.

 _Maker, he's more fun to mess with than Rylen!_

"So then… you took the vows?" Alistair was starting to look a little panicked.

Cullen broke and laughed a joyful, full bellied, laugh, "No, Alistair, I never took such vows. If you're worried about getting struck by lightning for corrupting my _untainted_ soul, you're safe I promise you." He kissed Alistair sweetly, but pulled back before things could get heated again.

Alistair grinned, happy to have brought such a beautiful sound out of this usually reserved man. Hugging him gently, he whispered in Cullen's ear, "Good to know."

Shivering from the amount of promise in those three little words, Cullen directed their conversation to _a safer_ topic, "So… your turn: how is it that you are so familiar with the Clergy here? You mentioned being raised in the orphanage? You're a Theirin..." Cullen left that thought hanging.

"I did… and I am, but my mother, was not." Alistair sat up, looked around, and tried to gather his thoughts. "I was brought here as a baby. My mother wasn't able to raise me on her own; her work and frequent travels were too dangerous to take a child along." Alistair paused a moment, "While we're on the topic of her, I should probably let you know… my mother… wasn't human."

Cullen raised an eyebrow in interest. "Not human? And yet… you look very human, so that means… she was an elf?"

"Always the detective." Alistair chuckled, then looked down nervously, "That doesn't bother you, does it?"

Cullen shook his head, "Not at all. I suppose I can see how that might have made raising you by herself difficult." He eyed Alistair's ears with renewed interest, "I've never had an elven partner before... or even a half-elven one. It does makes me wonder… is it true what they say?"

"That you should never lick a lamppost in winter? Yes, most definitely an unwise decision." Alistair joked, trying to dodge what he knew was coming next.

Leaning closer, Cullen blew a stream of air across Alistair's ear and reveled in the full body shudder he got in response.

Playfully pushing Cullen away, Alistair shivered again before responding, "Now you… you just leave my ears out of this. Behave yourself!"

Cullen's pupils dilated with that little revelation, "Yes, dear. I will obey that order… for now. I will definitely be revisiting that little treasure later though." Cullen's eyes smoldered with mischief.

Alistair groaned, "Sweet maker, what have I done?" Shaking his head to clear it, he tried to find his train of thought, "We were… uh, discussing my mother?"

"You said that she traveled a lot and that her work was dangerous. But I'm assuming it wasn't because of the shape of her ears. What exactly did she _do_?"

Alistair paused for a beat. The topic of his mother rarely came up, so he wasn't sure how to broach the topic of her _unusual_ profession. It is one of legend—literally. People don't realize that Wardens still exist, or ever really did. They are fairy tale heroes. Stories told to comfort small children from their nightmares. There aren't many people—without _the sight_ —that even know that there is a real need for them. Alistair decided to test the waters, to see where Cullen stood on the belief issue. He'd decide after that exactly how much to tell him.

 _Well, here goes nothing._

"She was… a Grey Warden." Alistair ventured a glance, half expecting a joke or disbelief to be evident on Cullen's face. Neither expression emerged.

Cullen sucked in a breath in surprise— _in fear_ —his body went rigid as his own memories threatened to overwhelm him.

 _Shit! Shit! Shit! Hold it together, Rutherford, you're not there anymore. Focus!... Breathe!... Damnit!_

Trying to maintain his place in the present, he held onto that one sliver of hope from long ago; the Warden that saved him. He never understood why he was the one who survived. He never believed himself worthy. All he saw were precious lives tortured… taken before their time to sate some madman's psychotic agenda.

Initially, the horrors from that night completely broke him. He was barely coherent; forced to relive his terror from that awful ordeal over and over in his head. Slowly—and with the help of Dorian—he began to remember a single ray of hope in all the darkness he'd suffered. There was a group responsible for saving his life. They didn't stick around long enough for him to fully recover. One blurry image stood out more than the others; an elven female, in blue and white armor with the Warden's griffin emblazoned across her chest and a staff upon her back. Her voice—soothing and reassuring—had helped to pull him from the darkness; her magic, healed the damage that'd been done to his body. It was _her_ image that became his beacon, the sole link to reality that he tethered to whenever he felt panic try to overtake him.

Using that visual anchor, he pulled his focus back to the present.

 _Alistair's mother was a Warden and an elf. Could she have been the same Warden that saved me all those years ago? He keeps speaking of her as if she's no longer with us. Maybe I've missed my chance._

Cullen always wanted to find and thank the ones responsible for saving his life, but until now, never had a means to locate them.

 _I wonder if there might be a chance that I could find one of the others that were there… to… thank them for this gift? I wonder if they were all Wardens, or if it was only her. Could Alistair know? Would he help me find out?_

Alistair's heart fell as he heard Cullen gasp and watched the conflicting emotions dance across face. He watched the internal battle as Cullen fought to bring his focus back to their conversation. "You're familiar with them I take it?" Answering his own question, when Cullen's only answer was wide-unseeing eyes, he said quietly, " _Very_ familiar by the look on your face."

Two pieces of information slid together in his head: the first was Cullen telling him that Dorian had been his counselor when they met, the second was Dorian's area of expertise—PTSD and reintegrating into society.

 _Well… shit._

Cullen could only nod while trying to shake the shadow of a memory drifting through his vision. He did his best to ignore—or forget—the fact that he could _see_ ; immersing himself in mundane crimes instead of those from the other side of the veil. Occasionally they overlapped—like last Thursday—but that wasn't the norm. Now, Alistair seemed to also be _aware_. That was unexpected and yet perhaps, not entirely a bad thing.

Hesitantly, Alistair continued, hoping that his banter would help Cullen through his internal battle, "Only people who are _awakened_ have cause to get that look." Squeezing Cullen's hand, he rubbed a soothing circle on it with his thumb. "We've seen too much to ignore the truth, we know that this world isn't as safe as _they_ would have us believe." Alistair looked around the sanctuary, trying to think of a way to reassure Cullen, "We are safe here, in this garden, if that helps."

Cullen nodded again, pulling himself fully back into the present. He managed a weak, but real, smile. Proud of himself for not fully succumbing to his past—as he once might have. He decided to tell Alistair at least _part_ of the story behind his reaction. The rest would come in due time, he hoped to hear the rest of Alistair's tale first though.

"Would you like me to continue? Or shall we change the subject." Alistair offered to Cullen, who still seemed to be trying to shake the blanket of shadows that hovered over him.

Cullen shook his head and squeezed Alistair's hand, encouraging him to continue, "I'm ok; I'm just not used to other people knowing what I know or having seen what I've been… unfortunate enough to witness. You took me by surprise is all. Please continue. I… do want to know more about you."

 _I want to know everything about you!_

Alistair smiled sadly and cautioned him, "Be careful what you wish for."

 _Maker's breath, if only hearing the name 'Grey Warden' spooked him so badly, what will he think when he finds out the rest?_

Squeezing Cullen's hand, Alistair continued with his telling. "Traditionally, the Wardens are a secretive bunch." He laughed quietly to himself, "So much so that they are associated with myth and legend; like a fairytale story."

"The Grey Wardens are _far_ from make believe." Cullen argued Alistair's last statement. Seeing an opening, he tried to explain, "I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for them. They are… _everything_ the stories say, yet _so_ much more, because those stories are absolutely—frighteningly—true." There were notes of appreciation and reverence in his voice as Cullen defended the Wardens.

Alistair nodded in agreement, his eyes softened to the pain he saw in Cullen's expression. He said quietly, "There's a story there that I would love to hear."

Shaking his head, Cullen sadly declined, "Not _today_. I'm sorry. I don't want to dwell on so much darkness when I have so much light right here in front of me." He ran his finger tenderly down Alistair's cheek, "I will though, I promise you, I'm just… not quite ready." He sighed as the truth left him. He wasn't ready, but he would be soon… for him.

 _Please understand how hard this is for me!_

Nodding his understanding, he smiled in reassurance, "I will be here when you are." Alistair placed a gentle kiss upon Cullen's brow.

Emboldened by Cullen's apparent appreciation of the Wardens, Alistair took a breath to continue as he offered up more information, "I am probably stating the obvious at this point, but I'd rather be clear rather than leave something _this important_ to assumptions: I have also been _awakened_. I suppose that may make some things easier down the road. I will be better able to understand you, when you are ready to share. And you already being aware, will save me having to hide or _creatively_ explain certain things about me as well."

"For her part, I agree with your mother. Taking you along on any of their missions wouldn't have been the best idea."

Alistair nodded in agreement, "I was only a couple of months old when my mother brought me here. When her missions allowed it, she would visit. I never saw her more than once a year and she always had her partner, Duncan with her. I don't think there was anything romantic between them, but all the same, they felt like family to each other." Alistair paused in realization and stifled a giggle at the truth of his next statement, "Not unlike Lana and I, I suppose." He shook his head wondering at how he hadn't seen that before.

"She would occasionally send me letters: in the beginning, they were small notes of affection that were read to me by the Mothers and Sisters. As I grew older, and learned to read for myself, her letters became more detailed. On my tenth naming day, my mother wasn't able to come, but I received a package containing a locket and a letter explaining the circumstances regarding my… well… regarding _me_ actually; how I came to live in the orphanage even though I had two living parents. I understood—I _tried_ to anyway—but it didn't make it easier. She was…" He grinned remembering, "She was something else: tiny, even for an elf, I passed her in height even before I hit double digits. She had short mousy hair that was so dark, it could have been black, and the largest, most beautiful green eyes. I'm told she was serious and stern most of the time—she rarely let anyone in—but I only saw affection and kindness when I saw her."

Alistair smiled as he reflected fondly, "When she'd come to visit, we would talk and laugh. She never stayed long, but the time she could _spare_... well those were some of the happiest days I can remember growing up. Later on, Duncan told me that she was most like herself on their visits to see me. He said that those were the rare moments when she would let her guard down."

Alistair looked into Cullen's eyes, then beyond his shoulder into his own past as his smile faltered, "When I turned 16, Duncan showed up alone. On that visit, he looked so sad and broken. He… asked to speak to me privately." Alistair paused and took a deep breath, "That's when I found out that my mother didn't survive her most recent mission into the fade."

Cullen wrapped Alistair in his arms, "I am so sorry Alistair." He whispered in his ear, holding him close.

On one hand, Alistair wanted to protect Cullen from whatever horrors flashed before his eyes when he'd originally brought them up. On the other, he _really_ hated secrets. It was the one thing about the Wardens that he always struggled with. He understood that they needed to be kept hidden from the general populace, the things they faced would fracture the brain of a regular person. It was ironic really, most of those people owed the Warden's their lives, and they didn't even know it.

Making up his mind, Alistair smiled gratefully before continuing, "Thank you. I… know it was a long time ago, but being here always reminds me of her and the time we never got to have together. You know, she was planning on coming to collect me when I turned eighteen... to begin my training as a Warden."

Cullen looked at Alistair with new interest and no small amount of surprise, "You were going to be a Grey Warden?"

"I was… I am… I _did_ actually... _Join,_ that is. On my birthday, Duncan came back and offered me what my mother no longer could. As an adult, I wasn't permitted to stay at the orphanage any longer and I had dreamt for so long about being a Warden; it felt like a natural progression.

"But… you own a bar? How can you be a Warden and carry on a full time job like that?"

"Let's just say that you're not the only one to have retired from service," Alistair said with a small smile.

"People don't usually just get up and leave the Wardens; isn't that a lifetime career choice?"

"You mean like joining the Templars?" Alistair countered, bumping shoulders with Cullen playfully, before continuing, "I am still bound to keep their secrets. Though with you being one of the rare, awakened Templars—ex or otherwise—I suppose you are exempt from me having to keep _all_ of my secrets from you." Grinning sheepishly, Alistair laid his forehead on Cullen's shoulder for a moment before admitting, "I _really_ don't like secrets."

Pulling back, he smiled contently into Cullen's eyes. "It's amazing to me, as I learn more and more about you, how well suited we seem to be." He leaned in for a chaste kiss.

"I'm glad you think so too." Cullen agreed wholeheartedly.

Alistair sighed with the weight of his next admission. "For the time being, I am free to work as I choose, but… there may come a time when I am called to fight again; though I hope that day doesn't come anytime soon."

Cullen didn't like the idea of Alistair running headlong into danger, though he frequently did that himself. Realizing that there was a large piece of the puzzle still missing, he ventured, "That still seems easier than it should be, is there something you're leaving out?"

Alistair smiled at the detective shining through the man before him, "Very perceptive, Commander. It was another gift from my mother—and Duncan too, I suppose—or, rather, the _same_ gift. The locket she gave me was actually a symbol of her rank and title within the order. She was well reputed with the Wardens before she died and left a request for clemency, should my life take me on a different path. Duncan was there—is _still_ there—to back up the request and I was released from my… uh… immediate contract."

"Since she died before you joined, it sounds as if you weren't going to have a choice to begin with. A Warden's child already knows some of their secrets so must be bound to the same life to keep them?" Cullen surmised with concern, "So planning your exit strategy was a blessing in disguise."

"Yes, it was." Alistair sighed with some regret. "As I said, my mother was grooming me to come join her and had been for many years. Our plan to fight together never came to fruition, though the path was already paved for me when she died. Duncan gave me the choice, I was never forced, but at the time, I couldn't see myself doing anything else. He was pretty broken up after my mother died. I believe he needed me as much as I needed him. He needed a distraction from the loss and I needed to follow in her footsteps. To try to be the Warden she always wanted me to be." He smiled softly then sighed sadly, "There came a point though, that I was grateful for the ability to leave, for more than one reason."

"So you managed to leave and you came back to Denerim?"

"I did. I came back here to start over about eight years ago. It was, in all honesty, a little more complicated than that, but for now, as you said, I'd rather discuss the light in front of me instead of dwelling on darker times. We will though, I really don't like keeping things hidden, especially from you, but some of these secrets aren't mine to share."

Cullen nodded in understanding. "So where was your _father_ in all of this?" Distaste rolled off his tongue.

"My uh… sperm donor, already inherited the family legacy when I was born, he had the perfect son and perfect wife. His 'dalliance' with my mother was never meant to come to light. He wanted to keep me a secret to protect the precious family name. He might have also been protecting his wife's feelings. The way I understand it, she was the one that requested for me to be raised in the Chantry. I was twenty when his wife passed away and my father finally stepped up to acknowledged me as his. The media had a field day with it, let me tell you."

Alistair smirked mischievously before continuing, "When I came back here, I received my trust fund and the bar's building as gift to assuage his guilt. I don't really have much contact with him, though I get along with my half-brother, Cailan, well enough. He stops by for a drink—from time to time—just to say hi."

A thought occurred to Cullen, "Do any of them possess the sight too?"

"That's a very good question and I'm not entirely sure of the answer. I've occasionally wondered about the circumstances that threw my parents together, but have never asked my father for his side to fill in the gaps my mother left out… Maybe Duncan knows."

Cullen nodded, "So what about Mother Natalie? I've been around the Chantry most of my life, but I've never seen that kind of affection come from any of the Clergy before." Cullen chuckled remembering Alistair's playfulness and the patient affection that glinted in the Mother's eyes.

Alistair laughed, happy to be changing the subject, "I was a bit of a prankster growing up—if you can imagine—I got into all sorts of trouble. Nothing menacing mind you, but jokes and pranks to get people to smile. They can be so serious around here, y'know? Since I wasn't to be put up for adoption, there were a few Mothers who sort of… _adopted_ me themselves and took me under their wings. They protected me and made me feel like this was my actual 'home'. If I could claim a true family, it would be the ladies here. Mother Natalie more so than any of the others. She's the only one that knows my full story. She's the only one that I know… that is also awakened."

"Some people are blessed with family at birth, some have to make their own. Regardless of either, 'home' is where you place your heart." Cullen laid his hand over the center of Alistair's chest and leaned in for a kiss.

"Now who's being romantic?" Alistair teased Cullen. Looking up he noticed the sun had started to descend, casting late afternoon shadows around the garden, "We better head out soon, the old biddies like to come out here in the evenings to vent about their day. No one needs to hear that."

Cullen chuckled, "You learned that from experience?"

"Actually, _yes_!" Alistair tipped his head back and laughed, "I got trapped hiding in the bushes in that far corner." He pointed, then continued, "I'd skipped my classes one day and just when I was about to head back in for the evening meal, the sisters came out and began to talk about all the kids that drove them crazy. I heard some things about me that no-one ever needs to know! I was trapped. It was three hours later before I could break free. Missed dinner and everything. It was a mistake I _never_ made again." He winked at Cullen, "I found other places to hide instead."

Laughing together, they began to pick up after themselves. Alistair folded the blanket and set it on top of the basket, "I was told to leave everything here when we finished. I think Mother Natalie just wants to make sure I ate my vegetables; she doesn't need to know that I fed them all to you." He winked conspiratorially, then led Cullen back the way they'd come in.

Emerging from the hidden alcove, they startled a squat, salt and pepper haired, chantry Mother. She squealed, "Oh dear Ali, you gave my old heart a start!" Catching her breath, she glanced knowingly at their hands clasped together, "Are you behaving yourself, child?"

"Who me? Never!" He grinned mischievously.

She smiled indulgently. "Some things never change, dear," she tisked, patting him on the cheek. "It's good to see you again."

"You too, Mother Beatrice."

As they headed for the door, Cullen suddenly stopped before crossing the threshold, "I'm sorry. I… can't leave just yet. It's…"

Alistair smiled understandingly, "Oh right! I'm so sorry. Believe me, I've spent enough time here to know better. Templars always check in with their _boss_ before they leave." Pointing his finger towards the heavens, he winked.

Cullen hesitated.

"Go on. I promise to be here when you get back." Alistair kissed him on the cheek and released his hand.

Smiling gratefully for Alistair's understanding, he turned and made his way up the center aisle.

Alistair watched as Cullen made his procession to the altar and knelt before the statue of Andraste.

Mother Natalie approached and threaded her arm through Alistair's before whispering, "You are looking well my dear. Happier than I have ever seen you. Mischievous as always, but never glowing as you are today. He is good to you?"

"He is. More than I ever thought I deserved." He covered her hand with his own and smiled wistfully while observing Cullen in his prayers.

"You never gave yourself enough credit, child. Your heart is true and good; you deserve nothing less in return." She watched Cullen light a candle at the altar as he finished his prayers, "He moves like a Templar." She noted.

"Former Knight-Commander…"

"Cullen Rutherford?" she asked before Alistair could finish his statement.

"How did you—?"

She looked at Alistair with her all-knowing and insufferably adorable smile, "He is also a good man. Troubled and hurt by his past, but a heart very much like yours. His transition out of the chantry made some waves, but I always respected his courage. He is well known here, if not by sight, by reputation."

Cullen approached Alistair and the Mother who had greeted them when they arrived. He felt more at peace than he'd been in a long time. He nodded, "Mother."

"Knight-Commander," she responded.

He stiffened at the title. Taking a deep breath, he sighed, "Not any longer I'm afraid."

"Nonsense. Your heart has always spoken true of the Chantry, it was _we_ that failed you, child." She placed Alistair's hand back into Cullen's. "Hopefully, now you can find the peace you deserve. Alistair has been my charge for many years and it pleases me to see the two of you so content together. May I offer the Maker's Benediction and Blessing?"

Cullen relaxed again and looked somewhat relieved, "I would never turn down the Maker's Blessing, Mother; you have my gratitude." He bowed his head and Alistair followed suit.

 **Blessed are they who stand before**

 **the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.**

 **Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just.** ***1**

 **Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow.**

 **In their blood, the Maker's will is written.** ***2**

 **In Andraste's name,**

 **I call upon the Maker to watch** **over his children and creations.**

 **Watch over their path O'Maker, give them light in darkness.** ***3**

 **Blessings upon you Alistair and Cullen**

 **in the name of Andraste and the Maker above.**

 **May the chant of light carry your names to the ears of our Lord.** ***4**

Raising his head at the end of the blessing, Cullen looked at Alistair who was gazing back at him with pure adoration.

Alistair's smile turned mischievous as he looked back at the Mother, "Well, that one was… different."

She smiled up at them both and said, "It's the Templar's blessing, dear." She stepped closer and said more quietly, "You have fought your own battles and have seen more than most should ever witness. I feel no shame in offering the Holy Warrior's blessing to you as well."

Alistair nodded, "Two non-Templars getting the Templar's Blessing. Should I be worried that lightning will strike?" he looked around, pretending to be nervous. "You won't get into trouble will you?"

The Mother tittered, "No more than I've ever gotten into trouble over your antics, child."

Alistair laughed, his mischievous smile turned affectionate, "Thank you for everything, Natalie. What would I ever do without you?"

"For starters, you would have spent more time in the kitchens peeling potatoes or perhaps cleaning the bathrooms with toothbrushes for all the trouble you used to get into."

"See? I'm good for you! I keep you young and on your toes!" He kissed her forehead before leading Cullen out the door, hand clasped firmly in his own.

* * *

 ***1** **Benedictions 4:10**

 ***2** **Benedictions 4:11**

 ***3** **Blessing from Chantry Sister in Lothering from DA: Origins.**

 ***4** **Blessing from Chantry Sister in Ostagar from DA: Origins / Modified.**

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Thank you for reading my little labor of love and for being patient as I took a few extra days to get this chapter out! I couldn't have done it so quickly without the last minute approval of my dear Ponticle (seriously thank you! I know you had a busy day and you made time for this. That means so much to me!)

I also want to thank ; my original Beta. I know you're on a break right now, but I want you to know that you're missed and loved! You always set me on amazing paths of adventure and discovery and helped me through my initial phases of 90% of this current story. You took me by the hand and convinced me to start posting my work almost a year ago. My arms are wide open for you when you're ready to come back! Miss you darlin'!

 **A/N - This chapter deals heavily with world lore and some of the boys' history as well. Some of it is canon, some of it... I have twisted to suit my needs in this modern Thedas! I do love to leave my breadcrumbs (meaning, more will certainly be fleshed out later), but if you have questions, or if something doesn't quite make sense, PLEASE don't hesitate to ask! I have almost 25 chapters completed where I've woven this world together for you. I want you to enjoy it as much as I do! So ask! If I can explain something to make it more understandable, I will!**

 **Worst case scenario... I'll tell you that the answer is coming soon (hell, I may even give you the chapter that your answer awaits in)!  
Free your mind from what you think you know, it will make some of this... easier to swallow.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary:**

Bonus Chapter! Kinda short, but full of...  
Shameless Smut, Fluff, Smuff, and of course more Smut.  
Because I can!  
Oh and the introduction of Mr. Chen. He makes REALLY good Chinese food.  
Eggrolls anyone?

 **Notes:**

 **Warnings: Uh yeah - very little plot in this one... and completely NSFW**

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!  
**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 9**

Welcome Home

* * *

Meandering through the park holding hands, Cullen smiled at Alistair, "Thank you for rescuing me from work today and for arranging the picnic. I don't remember the last time I had such an enjoyable afternoon."

"I'm glad you're having a good time. I thought maybe I'd overdone it. Lana likes to tell me I worry too much." He shrugged as he laughed at himself.

Cullen turned to face Alistair. Reaching up, he cupped his cheek and ran his thumb over those luscious lips. Placing their foreheads together, he said softly, "Lana's right, in this case at least. Today has been… perfect. I woke up in your arms, you sent me a rose, then infiltrated my work, and whisked me away. Just knowing that you were thinking about me enough to plan something like that makes me feel…" He gave a soft sigh as he searched for the words. "I've never had anyone care enough to go out of their way for me like that before."

Kissing him on the nose, Cullen noticed the flush to Alistair's cheeks. "Now who's adorable when they blush."

"And without even the dim light of the pub to hide behind either. Whatever shall I do?" Alistair's eyes drifted to Cullen's lips before flicking back up again.

"I can think of a few things." Cullen winked lasciviously, "So, do you have any plans for this evening?"

Alistair shook his head, excitement beginning to thrum through him. "My schedule is clear for the rest of the day. Do you have something you'd like to do?"

Cullen smiled suggestively at Alistair, "I don't live far from here. My morning commute isn't nearly as impressive as yours, but I'm only about three blocks from the precinct. Would you… care to seek out some of that privacy we were lacking earlier?"

"Are you suggesting what I… _hope_ you're suggesting?" Alistair's breath hitched with anticipation.

Cullen grinned with a mix of mischief and desire in his eyes. His voice dropped to a husky baritone, "Well, there's no one there to interrupt us. But, if you'd like to continue to behave… we could always… play chess."

Alistair closed the remaining gap, pressing their bodies together before responding, "My dear Knight, are you strategically maneuvering me into position, so you can make your move?"

"Bet I can mate your King in less than ten moves."

"You are a bad, bad man." Alistair leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Cullen's scar. "I'm _game_ if you are." He looked up, locking eyes with Cullen.

The shared gaze lasted several moments longer than it needed to; desire written plainly in their eyes and the tightly wound posture of their bodies. Shaking off their haze, they talked while they walked with a purpose with Cullen leading the way. The light banter, a flimsy attempt at distraction from the palpable excitement between them.

Cullen slowed their pace as they approached a little old man sweeping the front walk of the local Chinese restaurant.

Warm brown eyes looked up from their task as they approached. Glancing down at their clasped hands then back up again, his face lit up, "Hello, Cullen! Is this your boy-friend? I can get your table ready if you'd like." He bowed his head briefly before turning to head inside.

Cullen stopped him with a gentle touch on the shoulder, "No, thank you, Mr. Chen. We've just come from a late lunch, perhaps another time?" He smiled at Alistair then back at the restaurant owner, "Mr. Chen, I'd like you to meet Alistair. Alistair, this is Mr. Chen."

Shifting his broom into his left hand, he shook Alistair's with his right, the smile never leaving his eyes.

After releasing his hand, Alistair bowed with respect and greeted him in perfect Mandarin, "Ni hao, Chen shifu."

Mr. Chen grinned broadly then bowed, returning the greeting, "Ni hao, xianshang Alistair."

Alistair switched to the common tongue, "Cullen has told me how much he enjoys the food here. I look forward to trying it someday soon."

Cullen glanced-impressed-at Alistair, who seemed to be full of surprises today.

Mr. Chen beamed at the compliment, "You are not hungry now, but you will need to eat later! Are you heading to Cullen's? I can bring you dinner tonight."

"Really, Mr. Chen, you don't have to go through the trouble," Cullen tried to dissuade him.

"It is no trouble for my favorite customer. Don't I always take care of you? How does a seven-thirty delivery sound?" Mr. Chen leveled a stern face at them before he broke into another smile.

Realizing, he wasn't going to change his mind, Cullen just smiled and nodded, "Thank you, sir."

"Now, don't stand around here talking to an old man. You looked to be in a hurry before I stopped you. Go... Go!"

Alistair and Cullen laughed as Mr. Chen shooed them on their way.

As they waited at the corner for the light to change, Cullen chuckled, "Well I guess that's settled, you're staying for dinner; Mr. Chen's orders."

Alistair leaned in close and whispered, "As long as I get dessert first." He winked salaciously at Cullen.

"You _are_ evil-and incredibly tempting," purred Cullen.

"We could always run." Alistair suggested helpfully as they crossed the street, "How much farther is it?"

"Not far," Cullen said as they came to the first building on the new block. He opened the door and led Alistair towards the stairs. With his current state of arousal, the thought of being alone in the elevator, might make him abandon his own beliefs in propriety. He didn't care that people saw them holding hands or their brief moments of open affection; the raw desire he was feeling, however, surely would have them both naked in that tiny box before it reached his floor. It was better to just keep moving.

Three flights up, Cullen released Alistair's hand to fumble for his keys. Opening his door, he let Alistair in first, then quickly turned to lock it behind them. Once the bolt slid home, a hand gripped his shoulder and spun him around, slamming him forcibly against the door.

Alistair's lips pressed insistently against Cullen's, begging for entrance. Lips, tongue, teeth, hands; all starving for more. Jackets hit the floor; keys, wallets, phones, _may_ have been put somewhere safely. As Alistair worked Cullen's tie loose, Cullen backed Alistair towards the bedroom. Their hands roaming, groping, tearing at clothes; impatient with their inability to get them off instantaneously.

Alistair's shirt was ripped over his head revealing sweet freckled flesh. It wasn't enough. Cullen's button down shirt was only partially undone when he gave up and pulled it over his head-tie and all. Shoes were stepped out of on the way, belt, slacks, jeans, small clothes, all in a trail towards their goal.

Alistair hit something soft and was pitched back onto the bed with Cullen climbing up after him. Animalistic hunger burning in their eyes. Inching up the mattress, the desire driving them back; pray and hunter. But who was to devour whom?

As Alistair's head hit a pillow, Cullen ground down into hot, naked flesh. Both bodies ached for more. His teeth and tongue found Alistair's sensitive ears causing him to buck up into him. They moaned at the sweet friction-rutting for purchase-they needed so much more than their current position allowed.

Growling, Alistair rolled Cullen over and pressed their bodies even tighter together. He bit at Cullen's nipples then licked to soothe the sharp sting as Cullen crooned with pleasure at the contrast. Grinding their erections sloppily together, they found each other's mouths, waiting, wanting, hungry. Thrusting tongues, dancing together for dominance. Cullen flat on his back, Alistair poised above, ready to stake his claim.

Pausing-panting with desire-Alistair looked down at their nakedness and licked his lips with anticipation. Reaching between them, he wrapped his long fingers around Cullen's cock and squeezed. It was thicker than his own, beautiful in its heft.

Letting go of control, Cullen's head rolled back against the pillow, a low moan of pleasure escaping his lips. He knew he wanted to return the favor, there was so much of Alistair that he wanted to touch, feel, taste. But at present, he was enjoying his surrender. Lost to the sensation of his length being expertly stroked, he found his ability to form coherent thought failing. He was acutely aware of his need to retaliate, but currently couldn't get his body to obey _any_ of his commands.

 _Fuck, this feels so good! To let go. To let him take control, but I want..._

" _Breathe,_ " he thought he heard as he felt Alistair's hot, wet mouth nibbling on his ear. The feeling of this man's weight on top of him, his erection being expertly caressed and manipulated, with Alistair's tongue on his neck and ear; it was almost too much. Finally gasping for air, the ability to think filtered back in. Alistair was making him feel so damn good and he wanted to reciprocate. Reaching for Alistair's cock, he gave it a firm tug.

Inhaling suddenly with a hiss, Alistair paused only a moment before sliding eagerly into the grip constricting around him.

 _Sweet Maker, this is really happening._

Thrusting into each other's fists, Cullen used his hand to deftly stroke the longer length, rubbing the precum over its sensitive tip.

Batting away Alistair's hand, Cullen wrapped his fingers around both of their shafts, holding the sensitive undersides together.

Bracing against his elbows now bracketing Cullen's head, Alistair focused on thrusting; long, languid strokes with perfect pressure to chase their release. Their tongues danced with the rhythm of their movements. Arching, moaning, grinding, they were quickly reaching the apex of their desires.

Cullen was close; Alistair was closer. "Cullen I…"

"Maker, please don't stop!" Cullen begged. Releasing their cocks, he gripped Alistair's ass and pulled him hard against his body.

Two… three more thrusts had Alistair mewling his release. Thrusting through, his seed soothed and lubricated Cullen's heated flesh. Four… five more thrusts and Cullen was following suit with a throaty moan, Alistair's name on his lips.

Panting through their sated kisses, they began to recover from the intense coupling. Suddenly Alistair caught his lover's eye and began to giggle which made Cullen follow suit. Holding tightly onto one another, their joyful laughter was punctuated with more kisses and gentle caresses.

Cullen recovered first, "Welcome to my home." He said with mock seriousness.

Alistair kissed him fully, deeply. "That was… quite the welcome. I'm sure your apartment is lovely, but sadly, I don't think any of it registered on our way through."

"It's still early yet, there will be plenty of time." He kissed Alistair again. Moaning his approval into his mouth, Cullen pulled back and added. "Mmmm, that was intense and wonderful and… better than any of my fantasies, watching you all those hours at work."

"I wholeheartedly agree. I can't wait to see what we do for an encore! As you said, it is still early and we may need to work up an appetite for whatever, Mr. Chen will be bringing us at seven-thirty."

Cullen rolled Alistair over onto his back. "I think we can definitely handle that." Looking down at the state of their bodies, Cullen laughed again before adding between kisses. "We… are a wonderfully… sticky… mess." He tasted his lips one more time before sitting up, "Stay put, I will be right back."

Alistair acquiesced cheekily, "As you command, sir." Then tucked his hands up behind his head as Cullen got up and padded through the walkthrough, double-closet into a connecting bathroom. He heard the water turn on and run for a minute before it was accompanied by splashing. A few moments later, Cullen emerged freshly cleaned with a fluffy white towel in one hand and a small wet cloth in the other.

"Don't move." Cullen commanded.

"Yes, dear." Alistair began, then hissed when the hot, wet cloth came in contact with his overly sensitive, deflated penis. Cullen was very thorough as he gently cleaned Alistair's body. Finished with the washing, he dried him off before setting the towels on the nightstand. Pulling the sheet over the top of them, he lay his head on Alistair's shoulder and draped an arm and leg across his body.

"May I move yet, Commander?"

Cullen chuckled, "Hmm, as long as I get to stay in your arms while we nap, you can move wherever you want."

They shared sated smiles and more kisses as they wrapped their arms around each other.

"Now this… is perfect." Alistair whispered as he gently caressed Cullen's back and shoulders while Cullen ran his fingers through the downy-soft hair on his chest.

"Mm-hmm," Cullen agreed, fighting his own euphoria induced slumber. Feeling Alistair's lips brush his brow, he hugged him gently before they both gave in, and sleep claimed them.

* * *

Cullen slowly became aware of the gentle rise and fall of Alistair's chest as his head rested comfortably on it. Glancing down at their modestly covered frames, he could just make out the outline of Alistair's well-toned body beneath the sheet. Every inch of him was beautiful. Lifting his head slightly, he let his eyes drink in the sight of his sculpted abs and chest. Though he had the pleasure of seeing him-post workout-the night before, being this close was something completely different. His face relaxed in sleep, Alistair still managed to look happy and content.

 _I put that look there._

Feeling the gentle stirrings of desire, Cullen smiled to himself. Not wanting to waste a moment more of their time together, he lifted his body over Alistair's supine form.

Alistair woke to feather light kisses across his chest. A lazy tongue caressing one of his nipples caused him to moan. He smiled sleepily as he gazed into Cullen's eyes, then pulled him up to meet his lips.

"Look who's finally awake."

"You're grinning; should I be worried?" Alistair asked as he ran his fingers through Cullen's curls.

"I've woken up in your arms twice in one day. I think that warrants a few errant smiles." Cullen admitted, "If we're not careful, I could get used to this."

Alistair smiled sweetly at Cullen, whose own smile was turning more devious.

"Now with _that_ look, I'm definitely worried. No rest for the weary?"

"Are you?... Weary? Because I'd really like to tempt you with more intimate adventures. I do currently have you all to myself after all." Cullen ran his hands down Alistair's sides to just under the sheet at his hips, "You can't expect me to be completely done with this delicious body yet. There is so much more that I want to…" Cullen trailed wet kisses down Alistair's body and across his luscious skin to finish that train of thought.

"Maker's breath!" Alistair moaned as Cullen found his rapidly rising heat with his soft lips.

Cullen answered by running his tongue in a languid circle around the tip then blowing a soft stream of air over the wet skin. "You were saying?" He chuckled softly then parted his lips and engulfed Alistair's prick with his hot, wet mouth.

"You are not playing fair." Alistair said between gasps.

"Oh? Was I supposed to be? And more to the point…" He paused to lick a long, slow stripe from base back up to the tip, "would you like me to stop?" Cullen's eyes twinkled with mischief.

"Andraste bless me, please don't… that feels...oooohh."

Cullen hummed his approval of the inarticulate praise.

 _Maker, I'd do this forever just to keep hearing those sounds from him._

Their first encounter was so passionate and animalistic, he wanted to slow down and take his time exploring, learning, and worshiping the man below him. Cradling Alistair's cock in his hand, he suctioned his lips against the thick underside vein and followed it the full length of his shaft. Encircling the sensitive head, he parted his lips again and took Alistair back inside, sucking him as deep into his throat as he could manage.

Reaching down, Alistair combed his fingers through Cullen's hair. Gripping tight, he fought his body's desire to thrust upward. Cullen wasn't making it easy. Alistair tried to reach more than Cullen's head and shoulders, but couldn't. The things he was doing to him were making his head swim, he wanted to reciprocate. Shaking his head from side to side, he finally declared, "Damnit Cullen, you're going to be the death of me. I need… I want… please, let me taste you too." He begged.

Smirking, Cullen released him, "How can I ever refuse you anything? Where do you want me?" he asked devilishly.

Alistair sat up, kissing Cullen passionately, then repositioned himself on his back, across the bed, with his head dangling over the edge.

"Ah, I see." Cullen said with an approving grin. Standing at the side of the bed, the height of it lined up perfectly to allow Alistair's mouth access to Cullen's already leaking erection.

Running his hands up the muscles of Cullen's thighs, Alistair sighed at the amazing sight before him. Cupping his balls in one hand, he used the other to direct Cullen's cock towards his lips where he licked the moisture from the tip before opening his mouth to take him in. The positioning of his head allowed for Cullen's considerable size to be sheathed, all the way to the hilt.

"Sweet Maker!" Cullen swore when he felt Alistair hum his own approval. The vibrations themselves nearly undoing him, right then and there.

Cullen hissed, "Now who's not playing fair!" He didn't pull away, though he redoubled his efforts on the beautiful dick before him. He let Alistair set the pace by the pull and push of his hands on his hips and ass; a pace he mimicked with his own hands and mouth.

They took it slow, wanting to savor this new experience; tasting, stroking, caressing. Bodies writhing slowly, deliciously, carefully; Cullen didn't want to hurt Alistair who was positioned so beautifully below him. Hands and tongues, teeth and lips, the two worked at each other like they'd been lovers for years and not just hours.

As Cullen felt himself getting closer to climax, he licked his own finger, coating it in saliva and placed it at Alistair's opening. He asked permission for entrance by rubbing a circle around the puckered flesh. Alistair opened his legs wider in invitation while moaning his anticipation. Cullen slicked up his finger again, then took Alistair back into his mouth while he gently pressed into that tight sphincter to his first knuckle.

Alistair jerked, his cock thrusting deeper than Cullen was expecting causing him to gag. They both froze; holding perfectly still as they regained control. As calm settled back over him, Cullen pressed his finger into the second knuckle as Alistair sighed around the cock in his mouth. Their moans filled the room as they resumed their oral adorations.

Finally sliding his finger all the way in, Cullen turned and crooked it up to hit that sweet spot within his lover, causing him to lose all semblance of control. Alistair bucked up into Cullen's waiting mouth as his own cock was being expertly worked over. Neither would last much longer. Stroking the bundle of nerves inside Alistair, he felt the muscles begin to constrict. Cullen moaned into his own climax as Alistair rode out his, shuddering and swallowing for all he was worth.

Panting, breathless, basking, Alistair released him and declared, "Sweet maker, that was…"

"That was fucking amazing is what that was." Cullen groaned as he carefully climbed off of Alistair and collapsed face down onto the bed.

"What did you just do to me?" Alistair asked incredulously, his head swimming and body still convulsing from the aftershocks.

Lifting his head, Cullen asked, "You mean you've never?"

"No, I mean, yes, but it's never felt like that! That was… incredible." Alistair flipped around so that he was now facing the same direction as Cullen. Kissing him between the shoulder blades, he slowly worked his way up Cullen's spine. "You are… incredible."

Cullen rolled over, "I could say the same thing about you." He pulled Alistair gently down onto his chest and kissed him deeply. Tasting each other on their tongues, they shared and savored the experience and basked in their afterglow.

"I know that I said you were spoiling me earlier, but, oh Maker! The things you do to me!" Cullen declared. "You make me feel… "

"I completely agree." Alistair said, leaning in to claim his lips again.

Their kisses and conversation were cut short by a quiet rapping on the front door. Cullen looked at the clock before groaning, "It's seven thirty, that's probably Mr. Chen. Think I should put something on before I shock the poor guy into a heart attack?" He chuckled as he shakily got up off the bed and opened his closet for something to wear. Tossing a pair of pajama pants over to Alistair with a wink, Cullen quickly donned a pair of shorts and headed towards the entrance.

* * *

Ni Hao Chen Shifu - Hello Mr. Chen

Ni Hao Alistair Xianshang - Hello Alistair, Sir

* * *

 **Notes:**

For those that have been waiting around for these two to wind up sweaty and naked together... I hope you enjoyed this little tasty treat. For those that want more... did ya notice that it's only dinner time?

 **My heartfelt thanks for my readers that have favorited, followed and left reviews! You make my days so much brighter!**

For Connie . Flint and Ponticle... Thank you (1000x over) for all of your help with this work! I couldn't have made it so pretty without your help!

Oh and for the record: do you know how hard it is to come up with chess related pick up lines?! Seriously! There was research involved, but some of the ones out there were just... bad.. and wrong. (on so many levels).  
 **New game:** Come up with your own chess related pick up line in the comments below! I'd love to read them.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary:**

I think they've done this backwards: Dessert first-then dinner and a movie? hmm.

This chapter is all about fluff, smut and a wee bit of planning!  
Laying some groundwork for the next mini story-arc. :)

 **Notes:**

Warnings: Uh yeah - some plot in this one... and completely NSFW  
(don't get fired because of me)

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!  
**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 10**

Dinner and a Movie

* * *

Cullen opened the front door expecting Mr. Chen, but instead found a proper room-service cart with a simple notecard on the top.

 _Mr. Cullen, enjoy your supper with your boy-friend._

 _Happy looks good on you. I assume he's the cause._

 _I will pick up the cart tomorrow at 8am._

 _No charge. No arguments. Enjoy!_

 _~Mr. Chen_

With an amused chuckle, Cullen wheeled the cart inside. Looking up, he found Alistair leaning casually against the bedroom doorframe; the pajama bottoms he'd loaned him hanging tantalizingly low on his slimmer hips. "You know; it should be a crime to stand there looking so delicious in my pants."

"I could get used to having full access to your pants," Alistair's eyes drifted down Cullen's shirtless body before looking back up with a smirk. "Thank you for the loan, by the way, these are definitely more comfortable to lounge about in."

Cullen hummed his agreement, "They will also be easier to get off you again later," he grinned salaciously.

"You are insatiable." Alistair bantered back playfully.

Cullen wiggled his eyebrows as he accepted the accusation. "I don't actually remember your pants coming off in the first place-or mine for that matter-it was quicker to just give you new ones." He stifled a laugh while looking around at the carnage their entrance had left.

Alistair followed Cullen's gaze, snorting in amazement, "What we did to your apartment is pretty impressive considering how little time we spent in this room on our way through. I don't remember any of this. I suppose that says something about our state of mind when we arrived."

"Our attentions were definitely elsewhere. Perhaps we should, gather some of this up before we eat?" Leaving the cart, Cullen started to collect some of the garments closest to the door.

Alistair began collecting the scattered items nearer to the bedroom. Laughing together as they worked, they met in the middle and kissed around the armloads of clothing.

Alistair beamed, "It was totally worth it!"

Cullen's eyes twinkled, "I absolutely agree."

Scanning the room for a place to put their items, Cullen wandered over to the armchair, "Let's just set them here for now." Dumping his armload of clothes, he added, "We can always sort through them later."

Alistair added his to the pile. "Good, cause I'm famished and whatever is on that cart smells delicious!"

"Worked up a bit of an appetite, did you? Cullen smirked as he approached the table.

"That was the plan wasn't it?"

"That it was." Cullen paused as he noticed the small pile of items on their eating surface, "Well, at least we were coherent enough to save all this from collateral damage on our rampage through." He noted that their keys, cellphones, and wallets were all safe. He also noticed his sidearm safely stowed with the rest of the 'important' items.

Picking everything up to move off the table, Cullen mused, "You've been disarming me since the day we met, but I have to admit to having no clue when you actually removed my weapon. Or did I do it?" He chuckled, "And what happened to my shoulder holster? I didn't see it with the items we gathered." Cullen looked around, wanting to keep the set together. Giving up, he checked to make sure that the chamber was clear, then inspected the magazine and secured the safety before taking it to his room to put away.

Alistair enjoyed the look of bewilderment on Cullen's face, "I'm sorry-I don't know what happened to it. As I said, coming through this room was a complete blur for me. Perhaps we should hire a _real_ detective to find it for you?"

Cullen chuckled as he returned to the room, "Oh, ha-ha, there you go making disparaging comments because I let _some bartender_ distract me to the point of losing my weapon."

" _Some_ bartender huh?" Alistair wrapped his arms around Cullen. Locking his wrists, he held them tightly together-chest to chest. "I'll have you know; I'm not just _some_ bartender. I am _the_ bartender." His lips were so close to Cullen's he could feel the energy radiating off of them.

"Mmmm," Cullen hummed as he wrapped his arms around Alistair's waist and claimed those lips for his own before whispering, " _My_ bartender."

"I like the sound of that." Alistair replied breathlessly before glancing over at the cart with their supper on it, "Is it normal for you to get full room service settings from Mr. Chen?"

Taking a good long look at the layout of the cart, Cullen shook his head, "No, usually I get an old box with takeout containers in it. You must have made quite the impression. Where did you learn to speak Mandarin anyway?"

Alistair shrugged, as if it were no big deal at all, "I have trained with many martial arts masters around the world. Some of them wouldn't work with you unless you spoke to them in their native tongue. I can't say I'm fluent, but I can get by with the basics when I need to." He chuckled lightly before adding, "All I said was hello to him, though; I don't think that was enough to warrant full service delivery."

Cullen reluctantly released Alistair from his embrace and marveled at the whole setup. The cart came complete with ceramic plates, silverware, and metal lids covering each dish.

"There's enough food here to feed six people!" Alistair exclaimed as he started lifting each lid. "Steamed rice, vegetable chow mein, crispy sesame beef, orange chicken, _Oooh eggrolls_! Fortune cookies and-of course-green tea to drink. Where does he think we're supposed to put it all?"

Reaching into the bottom of the cart, Cullen pulled out the takeout containers he was used to seeing. "Looks like in the fridge, he left us empty containers for what we don't eat."

Having cleared the surface of their hastily discarded items, the duo began to set the table then sat down to enjoy their meal.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Alistair asked while they ate, "What happened with your Lieutenant before we left the precinct? When I came in, he was all 'business as usual', but by the time we were leaving, he was part of the conspiracy for me to steal you away." Alistair chuckled around a bite of food. "I wish I was a fly on the wall during your little private meeting."

"Well… remember how I told you earlier that Rylen spent part of the morning attempting to deduce my current relationship status?"

"And what exactly is your current relationship status?" Alistair baited him with a grin.

Cullen opened his mouth then closed it again as he took in Alistair's question. Finally, a smile lit up his face as he decided to stick with raw honesty for his reply, "Well, I wasn't exactly 'on the market' to begin with. I wasn't even remotely looking when we first met. After the last couple of days though, I have to say that I'm still not 'on the market'. I have everything that I desire… right here." He reached out, gently brushing his fingers down Alistair's cheek.

Swallowing back the sudden rush of emotion, Alistair responded, "That was uh… a _really_ good answer. I might have to borrow that one myself." He interlaced their fingers together before continuing, "I apologize, I got you off track… you were saying about Rylen?"

"Yes. Anyway. Shortly after I made it to work, he was able to _deduce_ from my unusual behavior, that I'd met someone." A tinge of pink touched his cheeks as he continued, "Then my delivery-a little while later-pretty much sealed that into hard evidence. When I saw how flustered Rylen became to have an actual _Theirin_ come in demanding to speak with me… I decided to see what he would do with all the cards laid out on the table."

Alistair rolled his eyes at the idea of being famous. "Poor guy. How'd he take it? I mean, he seemed amicable enough when you two came out to join me, but I'd hate for it to affect your working relationship."

"It's fine. He's fine. Rylen's a good man and was very happy for me. For… us. Maybe even a little too happy. He offered to work on my reports and then kicked me out for the rest of the day. Oh-and tomorrow too. I am not to return to the office until Wednesday morning. So... how much of that do I get to keep you for? When do you have to be back at work?" Cullen winked suggestively.

Alistair's eyes lit up with the news, "Normally I would open tomorrow at three, but let me see what I can do." He stood to retrieve his phone; then dialed the pub.

Lana answered cheerily over a fair amount of noise in the background. "Alistair's!"

"Hey Lana, sounds busy tonight."

"Not terribly, but Isabela just got back into town so she's here with some of her crew. You know how they can get. Um Ali… are you naked?" Lewd cheering suddenly erupted in the background.

"No! I'm wearing pants." He looked quickly, just to make sure.

"Alistair-those aren't _your_ pants," Lana giggled and someone else made kissy noises, most likely Isabela.

"Details, details!"

"So, is he out of your system then?"

Taking Cullen's hand, he answered with conviction, "Not by a longshot."

"I'm so happy to hear it. And it's about time too, I was beginning to think you two would never get together!"

"Yeah, yeah-I know. And we have you to thank for our current state of bliss." He responded sarcastically while winking at Cullen. "Listen Lana, I'm calling because…"

"Hold that thought." She stopped him mid-sentence and covered the mouthpiece of the phone. He heard a muffled, "Hey Bela, Alistair's a bit… indisposed and won't be coming home tonight. You up for covering his shift tomorrow?" There was more conversation and giggles in the background before Lana spoke back into the receiver, "You're all set, we've got you covered here!"

"Thank you Lana, and thank Bela for me too. I owe you both for this."

"You don't owe me anything and I'd be careful about offering Bela a boon." Lana cautioned him chuckling. "Go enjoy yourselves. Oh and Alistair?"

"Yes?"

"Be prepared to share some of the juicy details when you come back. You know Bela won't let you off the hook without them."

"Oooh, can't wait." Alistair said sarcastically. "Bye luv, see you Wednesday."

He hung up the phone and grinned, "Well look at that, seems that I'm all yours tomorrow too."

"You never actually asked her for the day off. Was that a demonstration of more of her skills? How far is her reach exactly?"

"For anyone else, she needs to be much closer. We've known each other so long, just being on the phone together grants her the connection she needs to be just _a little bit disturbing_." Alistair laughed before adding, "You get used to it after a while. At least-I have. I'm not fond of secrets anyway, so having her around kind of eliminates the use of them. I hope… I hope it doesn't bother you?" Alistair asked tentatively.

"It's definitely taking some getting used to, but no, it doesn't bother me. If she were anyone else-or treated it differently-it might, but so far, she's only used her powers for good." Cullen winked before offering him a fortune cookie. They'd both eaten their fill, which barely dented what Mr. Chen had brought them.

"I'm not sure I need to read my fortune," Alistair said while looking at his cookie. "I already have everything I want, right here."

"Humor me," Cullen grinned. "Mr. Chen's cookies are right up there with Lana's _gifts_ -borderline _creepy_ in their accuracy." Cullen Chuckled, "Usually, mine tell me that I work too hard or that I need to break from routine to find true happiness. I'm curious what he has in store for me tonight since I've actually listened to what they've said recently." He grinned and cracked open his cookie.

Alistair chuckled while breaking into his own, "Well? What do the fabulous fortunes of Mr. Chen have to say to you tonight?"

Cullen stared down at the little slip of paper while he mindlessly chewed his cookie, "'Follow your heart and your dreams will come true.' Well there you go, mine goes without saying. I followed my heart and here you are-my dream come true."

Cullen leaned over and kissed Alistair's flushed cheek. "So… how 'bout yours? What wisdom does the cookie grant you?"

"Hmmm. 'Pleasures await you by the sea.'" Alistair pondered for a moment what that could mean.

Cullen started laughing which made Alistair raise an eyebrow in question, "Ok, what's so funny? Other than the view from my loft, I haven't been to the sea in ages."

"My family owns a cottage by the beach, just south of Denerim. I haven't been there in years, so I think I'm long overdue for a trip. It may appease the demands of the cookie; would you like to accompany me?" Cullen's eyes twinkled with excitement.

"How can I refuse the orders of dear Mr. Chen?" Alistair winked, "Besides, now I'm really curious about the _pleasures_ that are awaiting me."

Cullen stood up and pulled Alistair up into his waiting embrace, "I'm sure we can think of something to do to fulfill the prophecy." He chased those words with a passionate kiss.

Reluctantly parting from those lips, Cullen said, "Let me make sure that it's free before we finalize our plans though. My sister manages it for the family; this will only take a moment." Thinking about it, he amended, "Ok, this _is_ my sister. I _hope_ it will only take a moment."

Cullen picked up his phone and dialed.

"Hi Mia." He said when she answered.

"Sweet Andraste! Cullen? Is that you? What's wrong? What's happened? Are you ok?"

Cullen laughed, "Nothing's wrong Mia, why would you think…?"

"Because you _never_ call! Why _else_ would you be dialing my number unless something happened to you."

"If something had happened to me, would _I_ actually be calling?" he countered.

"Well no; I suppose not," she admitted ruefully. "There has to be a reason though."

"You mean I can't just call to talk to my big sister?"

"Not and have me really believe that it's you. Out with it!"

Laughing again, Cullen said, "Fine, you win."

"I usually do! Especially at chess. You really are a sore loser," she teased him.

"We're not playing chess now and I seem to remember winning the last couple of matches."

Mia actually harrumphed good naturedly before asking, "So, what can I do for you little brother?"

"I was hoping I could use the beach house?"

"You haven't been there in ages! You know it's yours whenever you want it. When are you planning on going?" She inquired.

"Tomorrow actually, if no one else has claim to it. I know it's short notice."

There was a brief pause on the other line before she answered, "No, tomorrow's fine. Do you still have your key? And is there any special reason you want it now?"

"Well, you're always telling me that I work too hard, so I've taken the day off. I thought I could go up and relax a bit. And yes, I still have my key."

"What aren't you telling me Cullen? Are you… are you bringing someone with you?" She asked excitedly as the possibility hit her.

Smiling over at Alistair, he replied, "mmmaybe."

There were squeals from the other side of the phone followed by the sound of a baby crying. "Crap! Cullen, I woke up Emma! Hold on a minute."

He leaned in and kissed Alistair while he waited for Mia to come back to the phone.

Picking back up her end, she bantered, "Sweet Maker, I never thought I'd see the day! Of course you can have the cabin! So… are you going to tell me about him?"

"Him?" He sputtered.

"Oh c'mon Cullen, you may not have ever brought anyone special home to meet us, but don't forget, I used to watch over you while you watched the Templar's train. Only the men ever truly caught your eye. It wouldn't matter either way though, you know I only want you to be happy. Sooo… will you tell me?"

"No." he said simply.

Mia made a very unladylike noise on the other end.

"Are you pouting?" Cullen chuckled.

"No? You're not going to give me any information at all?" she said exasperatedly.

" _He's_ sitting right here, so no, Mia, I'm not going to tell you all about him while he's right in front of me." Cullen winked at Alistair who was grinning back at him.

"That means you'll tell me later! I will hold you to that, little brother."

Cullen groaned and said, "Thanks for the use of the cabin Mia, I appreciate it."

"Anything for you. Love you!"

"Love you too. Take care."

Cullen smiled as he hung up the phone. "We are all set for tomorrow. I don't dare wonder what that will cost me later though."

Alistair laughed, "I take it you and your sister get along well?"

"Of my siblings, I'm closest with Mia. She's the oldest, so she gets along with everyone."

Alistair asked, "You have more than one?"

"There are four of us total: Mia then me, I have one younger brother, Branson, and our youngest sister is Rosalie." Cullen smiled as he remembered them all fondly. "I haven't seen any of them but Mia for years. We all sort of went our separate ways as adults, but Mia's always been there to hold us together."

As they finished discussing Cullen's family, they washed their dishes and packed a few things to take with them the next day. When everything was dried and stored back on the cart, Cullen suggested they head into the living room for a movie. "I picked out the last two we watched, I think it's your turn to choose," Cullen pointed to the cabinet where he kept his collection. "Would you like a drink?"

"A drink would be fabulous, thank you." Alistair grinned while he wandered over to look at the movies.

"You'll have to forgive my poor selection of Scotch; I'm fresh out of Blue, will Black do?"

Alistair chuckled, "Black is just fine, if you want Blue though… I know a guy…"

Cullen laughed, "I think I know the same guy and I drink enough of his Blue as it is. He spoils me."

"Well, how else was he supposed to let you know he was interested?"

"Hmm… the rose and picnic were pretty good hints." Cullen offered.

"Dessert was pretty fantastic as well." Alistair added then announced, "Hey, you know, we have a lot of the same movies?"

"I noticed that too. Great minds must think alike." Cullen brought out the drinks while Alistair offered up a light comedy for them to watch.

They snuggled up on the sectional together. It wasn't as large and comfortable as Alistair's sofa, but they made due as best they could. Sometime in the middle of the movie, Alistair's breathing slowed to a relaxed and even cadence, his head resting at an odd angle on Cullen's bare chest.

Gazing affectionately at Alistair's sleeping form, Cullen didn't dare move-or move him-for fear of waking him. Instead, he lay there, supporting Alistair's head as best he could in their current awkward position.

 _The Maker has truly blessed me to have something so wonderful come into my life. I don't know what I ever did to deserve this, but I certainly don't want to let this-or him-go._

Heart full and happy, Cullen ran his fingers through Alistair's soft spiky hair. Unable to focus on the movie, he watched his new lover sleep while some of his favorite verses from the Chant of Light ran through his head. They spoke of love and devotion, reaping what you sow, and the Maker bringing light into your life when you least expect it.1

After a while, Alistair began to take note of the soothing rumble of Cullen's voice as he slowly woke up. The words were familiar, broken only by periodic kisses to the top of his head. It took him awhile to place the Canticle as one that Mother Natalie used to soothe him with when he was sick or upset. It wasn't a commonly recited passage, most proselytes preferred the fire and brimstone verses that held them in check with fear of retribution. No, this one spoke of the devotion of the Maker towards his children and the rewards he promised to his most devout. It taught that love and kindness would be rewarded, and praised those that dedicated their lives to helping others.

Warmth radiated through him as he contemplated the implications of Cullen whispering these particular prayers between kisses. He wished he could stay like this forever, but the crick in his neck demanded that he move from his current position. Trying to roll over to get more comfortable, Cullen tightened his grip, preventing the completion of his roll. Giving in with a chuckle, Alistair relaxed back into Cullen's arms.

Finishing his current verse, Cullen asked, "Where do you think you're going?"

"I wasn't _going_ anywhere, just trying to reposition so I can work the kink out of my neck." Alistair smiled up at Cullen, then reached up to brush a soft kiss across his lips. "I like that Canticle by the way, it's always been one of my favorites. Though I am surprised that there is someone else out there familiar enough with it to recite it from memory."

Cullen chuckled and relaxed his grip so Alistair could finish rolling over. Chest to chest, he placed a quick kiss to the side of Alistair's neck, "I thought that looked a little uncomfortable, but I couldn't bring myself to wake you. Call me selfish, I was really enjoying just sitting here with you in my arms. And that Canticle has always been my favorite as well, it's a shame that it isn't more widely used."

Cullen ran his hands up and down Alistair's back. "I can help you with the knot if you'd like?" He proceeded to gently rub the spasming muscles then paused when he couldn't get the right angle, "On second thought, this would be easier with you on the bed."

Alistair feigned being scandalized, "Why Cullen… what exactly are you suggesting?"

"I am only trying to relieve the tension in your neck, my dear." He responded innocently, kissing him on the nose. "The fun can happen after if you'd like." Cullen smirked as he pulled Alistair up his body to kiss him before finally releasing him from his arms.

With a contented sigh, Alistair rose from Cullen's warmth and shuffled to the bedroom. Grabbing a pillow for under his chest and another for his head, he laid face down to give Cullen better access to the pinched muscles in his neck.

Grabbing some oil out of the nightstand, Cullen straddled Alistair's hips then sat down carefully on his thighs. As he drank in the tightly corded muscles of his back, Cullen began his work in earnest. Starting with his shoulders and neck, he kneaded and rubbed through tight muscles, trying to help ease his discomfort.

Alistair moaned into the pillow causing Cullen to chuckle, "Like that, do you?"

"I will give you a lifetime to stop," Alistair mumbled while breathing into the pleasure and pain; reveling in the way his muscles gave way to those incredibly strong and talented hands.

 _Zevran's been offering to teach me Antivan massage techniques for years, I wonder if it would be anything like this? Maybe I should learn, so I can one day return this delicious favor. Then again… this is Zevran, that might be very dangerous. I may just have to resign myself to trial and error. Oh damn!_

Cullen expertly worked the muscles in Alistair's shoulders and neck until the knot finally released, leaving Alistair pliable once again. As he was reaching for more oil, Alistair pushed up onto his arms, attempting to roll over beneath him. Pushing him back down onto the pillows, Cullen pinned him in place and purred into his ear, "I wasn't done yet."

Alistair's answering chuckle was quickly replaced by more moans as Cullen began to work his way down his shoulder and arm, shaking it periodically to make sure he was relaxed. Finally making his way to his hand, he methodically worked out all the tension in his palm and each finger before returning to the other shoulder to repeat the process. He was certainly being thorough as he lavished attention on each muscle group while he worked through them all. Finished with his shoulders and arms, Cullen returned his attention to Alistair's back and began to work his way down, caressing and kneading out every bit of tension he came to. His touch was absolutely perfect, turning Alistair to a boneless heap beneath him.

Cullen took his time appreciating the feel of the skin below him: every freckle and scar, burned into his memory, savoring every moan and sigh of pleasure as he continued working through those well-toned muscles.

Reaching the small of Alistair's back, he came to a roadblock. "Hmm," Cullen pondered while running his fingers along the inside of the waistband to the borrowed pajama bottoms. "If you would allow me to remove these, I can continue the massage down your legs."

Alistair helpfully raised his hips, allowing the removal of the offending obstruction and granting permission for him to continue.

Sliding the soft cotton off Alistair's hips, he deposited them off the end of the bed. Taking a moment to fully appreciated the view, Cullen reverantly ran his hands over the well-muscled, beautiful ass before him, earning him a delicious sigh. Smiling to himself, he returned to the task at hand.

Cullen _may_ have spent a little extra time massaging each glorious cheek and he _may_ have used a little too much oil, causing it to drip down between Alistair's legs, but still, Cullen kept his motions painfully professional. It didn't matter how many times Alistair arched his ass into Cullen's hands or how he spread his legs slightly farther apart than they really needed to be, Cullen wouldn't be distracted from his work. Even when Alistair's moans turned to whimpers of unrequited desire, Cullen wasn't ready to give in to those urges yet. All of Alistair's-not so subtle-requests for more, were making it increasingly more difficult for Cullen to concentrate, though he wouldn't be deterred.

He painstakingly worked his way down each leg until he reached Alistair's feet. Working the muscles in the bottoms of each and finally forcing him to uncurl his toes, Cullen whispered with a voice thick with desire, "Now… it's time to turn over."

Alistair moaned something unintelligible into the pillow.

"I can't very well finish the job if you don't roll over." Cullen urged.

Alistair whimpered, but obeyed, though he kept the pillow firmly over his face as he rolled.

Cullen hummed in approval as he took in the sight of the full front of Alistair's amazing body and completely erect penis, "You truly are a sight to behold. Every inch of you is beautiful and I don't want to neglect any of it."

* * *

The feeling of Cullen's incredibly strong hands was nothing like he'd ever felt. He brushed the line of erotic while still remaining terribly-painfully-professional. Never breaking the barrier of appropriate for a massage, but _Oh,_ Alistair wanted him to. His hands his mouth, his everything. Alistair wanted to be touched, fucked and sucked by him and he didn't care in what order. He just wanted… him.

As Cullen took his time with his backside, feet and each one of his toes, Alistair had hoped that he'd finally get some release, but it seemed Cullen had other plans. He was told to roll over, but he knew what doing so would reveal. He was so hard that it hurt. The touch of the coverlet against him was helping some, but it wasn't what he needed. It wasn't what he craved.

Cullen urged him to roll over again and this time, Alistair couldn't say no. Hiding his face in the pillow that had been stifling his moans, Alistair rolled and took the pillow with him, securely fastened in his teeth as he bit down on the downy soft fabric. He heard Cullen's hopeful sigh as his erection was revealed and other than a few choice words of approval and appreciation, Cullen seemed to have his mind set on finishing the job he had started. Cullen stayed true to his massage.

 _This is such delicious torture!_

He felt the bed shift as Cullen exited the side, then heard the gentle rustle of fabric and something hitting the floor as his footsteps carried him around to the foot of the bed. There was a soft dip in the mattress as Cullen sat down again, positioning himself between Alistair's feet, he took one into his hands.

His left foot was massaged followed by the right. Cullen left his legs slightly bent and spread wider than they had been. Those incredible hands continued to work their way up both of Alistair's legs, thighs, and then over his hips and around his cock… avoiding it completely. Burning with frustration-with desire-Alistair whimpered and growled as those beautiful hands left him wanting more.

Feeling only Cullen's hands, was driving Alistair mad with want and desire. They continued to caress his abdomen and chest while any motion Alistair made to move his legs closer, or arch to find contact with more, was deftly dodged.

Alistair lay there, with his face still buried by the pillow. Cullen oiled up and rubbed almost every spot on his body _except_ where he desired it most. It was exquisite but left him craving-oh so much more. He felt Cullen finish the massage and then gently slide his fingertips back down his chest and abs, then… nothing. He was gone.

Alistair couldn't stand it anymore, "Cullen... please… touch me!" he begged.

"I have been touching you, have I forgotten something?" Came the painfully calm response from somewhere above him.

Alistair groaned into the pillow then moaned in appreciation when he finally felt Cullen's grip encircle his shaft.

"Sweet Andraste. How did you get so worked up when all I was doing was removing knots from your muscles?"

"I think you forgot one," Came the breathless reply.

Alistair's hips bucked when he felt more oil poured directly onto the tip of his overly engorged erection. It was cold, but quickly warmed to his heated flesh. Cullen stroked the oil slowly down his length and over his testicles, letting more oil drip slowly down between his legs. Cullen's fingers caressing, coating, chasing the oil, making sure that he didn't miss a bit of skin. Finally reaching Alistair's tight hole, Cullen slowly slid one finger inside followed soon by a second, coating his entrance completely, before withdrawing once again.

* * *

Alistair felt the absence of Cullen's fingers painfully. One minute he was there, teasing him with what he desired most and then… Slowly he became aware of heat above him but still not touching his aching flesh. The pillow was removed from over his face and replaced with a tender kiss upon his lips.

"Alistair," whispered Cullen. "Look at me."

Opening his eyes, he couldn't help but think, _Maker he is gorgeous_!

"Tell me what you need. Tell me what you want," breathed Cullen between kisses. "Tell me what I can do to satisfy that look of longing in your eyes."

Alistair pulled Cullen in, kissing him hungrily, savoring the feel of their skin finally pressed together. He finally managed to plead, "I want… you… inside me."

Cullen moaned throatily with his own need as he lined himself up. He wanted this so badly, but he needed to know that Alistair wanted it too. Rubbing the head of his cock along the tight opening, he felt Alistair tremble beneath him in anticipation. Penetrating through the tight outer muscle, Cullen moaned as he worked himself slowly inside-inch by heavenly inch. Stretching him slowly-carefully-they both sighed with the contact, the connection, their union. No longer separate, happily one and completely content.

Once he was fully seated inside, Cullen paused to catch his breath-to allow Alistair time to adjust and relax.

 _Maker's breath, he feels so amazing, he is… absolutely perfect._

Opening his eyes, he found Alistair looking back at him with pure adoration written on his face. Lost in each other's souls, Cullen began to slowly move. Savoring the moans and whimpers, lips seeking lips, hands caressing, bodies writhing. Keeping full contact with Alistair's rigid cock trapped between them, the two began to lose themselves to their passions.

The animalistic desire that had taken over their first encounter was threatening to take over again. Growling, Cullen wrapped his arms around Alistair, pulling him up to meet his hips. He felt Alistair clinging to him, matching him thrust for delicious thrust. Slamming into his lover again and again, his climax began to surface.

Cullen knew Alistair was getting close and-Maker bless him-so was he. He wanted to watch Alistair's face as he came, but it was taking all of his control to stay focused and not lose it too soon.

"Come for me, Alistair! You feel so fucking amazing!"

Cullen shifted his hips slightly, fully taking away Alistair's ability to do anything but succumb to his desires. His body was reacting beautifully to the pounding as Cullen repeatedly hit his prostate.

Cullen's vision began to blur. _Hold on just a little bit longer._ He thrust a couple more times, erratic and jerky, before he went rigid. Buried to the hilt in Alistair's ass, he could feel the muscles begin to constrict around his cock as he was pulsating inside of him. Alistair's face was an image that would forever be imbedded in Cullen's memory. Beautiful. Pure. _His_. The epitome of perfect rapture.

Their kisses continued long after their bodies stopped shuddering. Their tongues speaking affections that words could never quite capture. Their breathing eventually calmed and Cullen slowly withdrew his length.

They lay wrapped together a few moments more before Alistair broke the silence of their afterglow, "Cullen, you are… that was… Sweet Maker, I… am a lucky, lucky man. What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"I've been asking myself the same thing. I could stay like this forever, but I should probably offer to at least get you cleaned up again before we drift off to sleep." He stifled a yawn before offering, "Or perhaps a shower?"

"A shower sounds perfect, though I'm not ready to let you go just yet. Care to join me?"

Stealing another kiss, Cullen purred, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Legs still shaking, they headed for the bathroom. Alistair turned on the dual shower heads as Cullen retrieved two fluffy towels from the linen closet. Hanging them on the towel warmer, they stepped under the steaming water together.

Their bodies never lost contact as they washed each other. Caressing, kissing, holding one another close with whispered affections as the hot water washed away the last vestiges of their lovemaking.

Turning off the faucets, Cullen reached for a now-warm towel and wrapped it around Alistair, pulling him to his chest. Kissing him gently, he smiled into the honeyed eyes of the man in his arms.

Alistair yawned and dropped his head onto Cullen's shoulder, "Mmmm now who's spoiling whom, my dear." He reached for the other towel on the rack and draped it over Cullen's shoulders, wrapping them both in a warm, soft cocoon.

They held each other quietly for a few moments more, savoring the closeness and their connection. Not needing to say anything more, lost in each other's eyes and arms, they hung up their towels and climbed back into bed; Cullen lying spooned within Alistair's loving embrace.

As sleep began to claim him, Alistair whispered drowsily into his Cullen's ear, "Mmm… sweet dreams."

Responding sleepily, completely sated and safe in Alistair's arms, Cullen returned, "Nothing can be sweeter than being here with you. Thank you for an absolutely perfect day."

* * *

1 To my knowledge, these Canticle verses don't actually exist. But they should damnit!

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **My heartfelt thanks for my readers that keep coming back! And for those that favorite, follow, and leave reviews, you truly brighten my days!**

This work wouldn't look quite so put together without the patient proddings of Connie . Flint and Ponticle. You ladies are awesome! Thank you to the moon and back again!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary:**

Early morning... uh... interludes.  
A rude(ish) awakening.  
Breakfast of champions to start the day!  
and Cullen's call in to work. (he wasn't late... ok wait, maybe he was, but it was all Alistair's fault)

 **Notes:**

This 'day' will take place over 4 chapters... I hope you enjoy the first part to their full day off together!  
btw - 'yesterday' also took place over 4 chapters, y'know - to give you a frame of reference.  
This will not be a reoccurring theme - just a happy coincidence while I got these two with the program. ;)

 **Warnings:** Uh yeah - this one starts off NSFW! (don't get fired because of me) - but then we get silliness and plot.

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 11**

A Very Good Morning

* * *

Alistair woke slowly in the dimly lit room, with Cullen snuggled securely in his arms. The amazing shape of his ass, perfectly cradled Alistair's already erect penis. Not being able to resist, he kissed the soft skin of Cullen's shoulder and smiled at the memories of the last twenty-four hours: the serious ones, the playful ones, the ones blanketed in desire.

 _Especially_ the ones blanketed in desire.

Alistair hugged Cullen closer to his chest which thrust his cock more firmly against the hardened muscles of his ass.

 _Maker's breath, he feels so good_. _This man evokes such feelings of lust and longing in me. He is strong, handsome, attentive, fun, caring, and everything that I didn't realize I was missing in my life._

While his thoughts wandered, Alistair's hips, hands, and lips developed a mind of their own. Hearing soft moaning from Cullen, Alistair stilled.

 _Crap! I didn't mean to wake him!_

Cullen reached for Alistair's hand which had been playing with the little path of curly blond hair, just below his navel. Guiding gently, he lowered it towards his own painful erection.

"You…" he began, then paused with a moan as Alistair firmly squeezed his shaft, "See what you started. How would you like to finishing this?" he inquired while grinding back against Alistair's cock. He knew what he was craving, feeling the heavy weight of Alistair's length currently nestled in the crook of his ass.

 _Fuck, I want him inside me!_

Continuing to stroke Cullen, Alistair savored another delicious groan followed by more grinding against his own excitement. "It appears that our bodies have already decided for us." Alistair whispered between kisses peppered along Cullen's shoulder. "I can't seem to get enough of you. I don't believe it's possible. I want you every way I can have you and then I think… I'll want to start over at the top of the list so we can do it all again." His hips mindlessly rutted against Cullen, granting neither of them what they desired most.

"Alistair, stop teasing me." Cullen chided while passing him the oil. "Don't make me beg."

"Not this time at least."

"Mmm… I like the idea that there will be many more." Cullen began, then stifled a gasp as Alistair's long, lubricated fingers found their way back around his dick.

After copiously coating both of their erections, Alistair applied the excess slowly and liberally to Cullen's tight opening. The anticipation eliciting wanton moans from each of them. Feeling Cullen begin to relax for entrance, he circled his fingers around the heated flesh, earning him a delicious sigh of approval.

"Yes… Maker, Yes!" Cullen prayed for more.

Replacing his fingers with the head of his cock, Alistair worked his way in, slowly—tenderly—amidst sounds of their shameless desire.

They made love, on their sides; rocking in unison. Alistair's hand working away at Cullen's length in time with his own languid thrusts. Cullen's hand guiding Alistair's hips where he wanted them, gently pushing and pulling, seeking the contact and closeness of his lover's skin as he was filled completely. They came together quietly amidst whispers of adoration and appreciation. One in heart, body, and soul; their union sensual, sleepy, satisfying.

Withdrawing reluctantly, Alistair reached for the towel on the nightstand, only to find that Cullen had already used it to catch his ejaculate before it could hit the sheets. _Hmm efficient._ Alistair approved with a chuckle. _Now nobody has to sleep in the wet-spot._

After he finished cleaning himself up, Cullen rolled over to wipe down Alistair. With a sleepy-sated smile, he dropped the towel off the side of the bed and pulled Alistair in for a kiss. "You do realize that it's only four a.m. don't you?"

"Tell that to our bodies. They don't seem to care what time it is." Alistair kissed Cullen tenderly before resting his head on his shoulder.

Wrapped in a state of mutual bliss, they dropped off back to sleep, arms around one another and legs intertwined.

* * *

Alistair woke to a soft, insistent buzzing from his phone. Glancing at the time before checking his texts, he noticed that it was half past seven in the morning. The intruding offender was Lana.

 **[07:30]**

 **Lana:** Hey Alistair, open up!

 **Alistair:** Lana? Where are you?

 **Lana:** Outside! Your breakfast is getting cold.

Alistair looked over at Cullen who was sleeping with one arm thrown up and over his eyes. He mumbled something unintelligible and rolled over before stilling once again.

Looking back at his phone, Alistair chuckled softly before responding to the text.

 **[07:32]**

 **Alistair:** Ok, ok - keep your pants on!

 **Lana:** Speaking of… you might want to put some on, Bela's with me.

He groaned quietly but rolled out of bed and slipped back into the jammies Cullen loaned him the day before.

Stopping at the still unopened door, Alistair ran his fingers through his sleep and sex tousled hair.

Lana teased from the other side, "You're beautiful already, hurry up."

Shaking his head, he opened the door with something between a glower and a sheepish smile on his face. He took in the three women crowding the doorway, each holding breakfasty smelling packages… and coffee. "What in Thedas are you doing here this early? What are you doing here at all? I thought the point of me getting the day off was to spend it with _him_ and not you lot." His smile returned in full at the memories from the last two days.

"Um… Alistair? I don't need _all_ the details, thank you." Lana interrupted his thoughts, her cheeks flushed.

Bela perked up, "Oooh - I do! What details? Look how red he's turning! I think I definitely want those details now."

Giggling, Leliana came to his defense, "Bela, behave! This is a good thing for our dear Alistair, no? He is always watching over us and taking care of us. It's sweet that he has someone to uh… take care of him now."

"Maker's breath, you are incorrigible!" He whispered to them, still trying to keep quiet and not wake Cullen.

Isabela quietly went into the kitchen and started rummaging around for dishes and mugs. Alistair was about to protest—this not being his apartment—but she brought them back to the little table quietly and quicker than he could gather his sluggish thoughts on the matter. Alistair just stood there agape as the girls started unpacking eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits, hash-browns, and the most delicious smelling gravy. _Is there bacon in that too?_ His stomach began to rumble as he stood transfixed.

He had his arms crossed over his chest and one eyebrow raised in surprise and bewilderment when he heard a noise behind him. Turning to look, he found Cullen stopped dead in the doorway, one hand wiping the sleep from his eyes, the other running through those beautifully unruly curls. He was staring at the three women laying out a feast on his meager table.

Cullen's gaze switched to Alistair's and softened as his lover seemed to look as confused and surprised as he was.

 _Man, am I glad I stopped to put my shorts on before investigating the reason for me waking up alone._

Lana smiled, attempting to ease the tension, "Good Morning Cullen, Nice curls! How come we never see your curls when you come into the bar?"

Finding his voice, he ignored the question, "Um… Good morning, ladies?" He smiled sheepishly at Leliana and Lana then stopped at the third woman who was eyeing him up and down appreciatively and not at all subtly.

Dark skin, raven black hair tied back in a bandana, gold jewelry hanging from her ears, wrists, and neck. The new addition was wearing tight fitting leggings, thigh high boots with heels making her taller than Leliana, but not nearly as tall as Alistair. Her white blouse showed off her overflowing cleavage which she seemed all too keen on sharing.

Lana, reading his confusion, offered up the introduction, "Cullen, this is Isabela. Bela, this is Cullen." She directed her next comment pointedly at the buxom pirate. "And remember, we talked about you behaving."

Completely ignoring her, Isabela sauntered up to Cullen and held out her hand grinning wolfishly. He shook it and noticed that they were rough and calloused; not what he was expecting from the rest of her appearance.

"I have a sailor's hands I'm afraid—the only part of me that isn't soft and supple." She jutted her hip out for emphasis and took a deep breath, increasing the size of her already ample bosom.

Cullen coughed and sputtered. Removing his hand from hers, he reached up and rubbed the back of his neck with it, then looked around for Alistair who seemed way too far away.

 _Andraste's tits, this one's just like Zevran!_

Lana covered a snicker with a cough as Isabela turned to ask, "Leliana, how come you ladies never told me how yummy Alistair's Commander was?"

Blushing profusely, Cullen inched his way closer to Alistair who seemed all too eager to meet him in the middle. Placing his hand inside Alistair's, he found comfort enough to calm his reactions as she continued her assessment of his virility, in full lurid detail.

As she began to ask Alistair for permission to borrow _said Commander_ —for a week or two every year—Alistair finally had enough. "Bela!" he said in warning while wrapping his arm territorially around Cullen's waist, "I may appreciate you covering my shift tonight, but make no mistake - I have _no_ intentions of sharing." Cullen turned away to hide the blush darkening his cheeks, before resigning himself to Alistair's possessive hug.

Laying a gentle kiss against Alistair's scruffy cheek, they smiled at each other before turning back to face the girls.

Lana poured two cups of coffee and handed one to each of them. "I apologize; Bela's libido is connected to her mouth and it tends to run away with her. But don't worry, Leli and I have yet to succumb to her wiles and she's been trying for as long as we've known her." Smiling up at Cullen she offered, "You do get used to it after a while."

Gratefully accepting the drink, he took a tentative sip before responding. "That seems to be a phrase that comes up often with your group of friends." Cullen smiled at Lana with affection and understanding.

Turning to the other two, Lana began to usher them out the door, "We were only to deliver breakfast so that they could keep up their strength." Turning to Bela she admonished, " _Not_ to offer up new ways to deplete them."

After the other two exited the apartment, Lana looked back apologetically. She approached once again and, raising up on her toes, she pulled both men down individually so that she could place a kiss on each of their cheeks. "You boys have fun today. Enjoy your breakfast." She said before turning on her heels to head out the door

Alistair walked with her, "Thank you for breakfast. Though, you know you didn't have to."

She dipped her head sheepishly, "I did… actually. It's the payment that Bela demanded for covering your shift tonight; she wanted to meet Cullen. Breakfast is my olive branch for the intrusion. I honestly didn't think she'd go _that_ far with her flirting. I _am_ sorry, hun."

"We'll recover, I'm sure." Alistair reassured her, "Any parting words of wisdom, oh mighty one?" Alistair teased.

She grinned hugely at her best friend. Looking at Cullen over Alistair's shoulder, then back at Alistair, she winked and whispered, "I could tell you what he thinks of your ass in those pants, but it's currently written plainly on his face. Go enjoy your day off luv. You deserve it." He watched as she left and descended the stairs.

Alistair turned to look at Cullen, whose face was once again flushed, his nose buried in his cup of coffee. Grinning, he bolted the door and went back to kiss those adorably pink cheeks.

He set his coffee cup down with a happy sigh, "I was having the most wonderful dream, snuggled up in bed with this amazing man before I was so rudely interrupted by my cell phone this morning."

"Mmm I think I was having a similar dream. And yet, you're still here." Setting his own cup on the table, Cullen wrapped his arms around Alistair and pulled him in close. "Last night, yesterday… all of it, has been nothing short of perfect. I keep wondering if I may be dreaming. But my dreams are never _this_ good."

Alistair kissed him sweetly, "Should I pinch you—so you know you're not dreaming?"

"No, but I'll take another one of those kisses… Just to be sure." Cullen grinned content before claiming Alistair's lips again.

Losing himself momentarily in Cullen's lips, Alistair ran his fingers through the soft curls, currently free of styling products. "I have to agree with Lana—you do have nice curls; why tame them?"

"My 'nice curls,' as you call them, get to be a distraction at work. I've always done my best to not stand out. I was taught, as a Templar, to minimize all things that made me unique; our uniforms all matched and, as my curls have a mind of their own, I was encouraged to keep them slicked back to better blend in with my garrison."

"And yet the moment you walked into my pub, you stood out in my mind." Alistair continued to comb through those incredibly soft curls.

Enjoying the feeling of fingers in his hair, Cullen breathed, "Well, you won't mind if I let my hair down only for you then."

"Not at all. We can't have you distracting the masses with your gorgeous looks; and that just leaves more of you for me to keep to myself."

"Hmmm, you did tell Isabela that you had no interest in sharing me." Cullen grinned. He wasn't upset in the least by this.

Looking over at the breakfast spread out on the table, Cullen admitted. "I think I may even be able to forgive the girls their intrusion this morning. That smells amazing!"

Alistair noticed the time, "It's almost eight, we should probably put Mr. Chen's cart out first before we tuck in."

In agreement, they finished stowing the now clean dishes from the night before, back on the cart. Cullen added a note that simply said:

Mr. Chen,

Thank you for your generosity.

Everything was delicious and perfect!

~Cullen & Alistair

Placing the note on top of the cart, he rolled it back outside his door where he'd found it the night before.

After they finished their breakfast and cleaned up their dishes, Cullen checked his watch and noticed that it was almost nine o'clock. "I need to check in with Rylen, then we can get ready to head out."

Alistair quirked an eyebrow and asked cheekily, "I thought you said he'd already given you the day off?"

Cullen grinned, "He did. As much as my Lieutenant is able to approve my schedule anyway. I am 'working in the field today' and I always call in at nine _sharp_ when I work in the field."

"Like clockwork?" Alistair winked.

Chuckling Cullen said, "Oh hush, if I don't stick to my schedule, my team thinks that something is wrong. They proved that yesterday when I was late for work."

Alistair gasped in mock horror, " _You_ were late? The scandal!"

"Well I was having a difficult time extracting myself from someone's incredible embrace after I had _already_ overslept. Add to that the fact that it takes me longer to get into work from your place than it does from mine." Cullen grinned at Alistair. "The odds were not in my favor for making it on time."

"We may have to actually set you an alarm in the future." He winked.

"Is that an offer?" Cullen asked.

"Mmmaybe? Would you take me up on it?"

"Only if we don't have to sleep on the couch every time." Cullen grinned.

Alistair feigned innocence, "But… how else will I be able to guarantee that you'd be stuck to me all night?"

Cullen wrapped himself around Alistair, kissing him deeply, before admitting, "I don't think you have anything to worry about, I can't seem to keep my hands off of you."

Sighing defeatedly, Cullen chided, "Now you've made me late… again." He softened the admonishment with a crooked grin that was mirrored in the twinkling of his eyes.

Chuckling, he auto-dialed his Lieutenant, with Alistair still in his arms.

"Good morning, Rylen."

"Good morning Sir—you're late."

Cullen swore he could hear his Lieutenant's smirk from this end of the phone. Or, perhaps it was Alistair chuckling as he did evil things to his neck using his tongue and teeth while he was trying to concentrate. Either way, this was going to be a difficult conversation to keep focused on.

Cullen countered, "Hey, I'm checking in, aren't I?"

"I was wondering if you were going to when the clock struck three past the hour, sir." Rylen sounded amused.

"Well, I would have been on schedule, but I had to take the time to explain why I need to call you in the first place." He tried to keep his voice steady, despite Alistair's distracting activities. "Come to think of it, perhaps you two are conspiring to tarnish my sterling reputation."

Rylen helpfully added, "Or break you out of your mold, sir."

Alistair's hands were now roaming Cullen's body, their clear intent, to distract him from his phone call. Cullen whispered, "Hey stop that!" and tried to stifle a giggle.

"I'm sorry, sir? Are you… giggling?" Rylen was openly chuckling now.

"What? No! I don't… giggle Lieutenant." He said indignantly while trying to pull away from—or deflect—Alistair's roaming hands. Cullen cleared his throat and glared at Alistair, "So, anything to report, Rylen?"

"Not a thing sir. It's been eerily quiet 'round these parts." He said with an exaggerated, southern drawl.

Cullen laughed at Rylen's playful antics, "Glad to hear it. Let's hope it stays that way, as I may be out of cell range today."

Rylen queried, once again serious, "Why's that, Commander?"

"We're heading south of Denerim to spend the day at the beach. My family's vacation home number is on file, should there be an emergency." Cullen began to rub the fingers of his free hand over Alistair's ear in retaliation, causing him to still in his arms and shudder at his touch."

"Good for you, sir, we'll hold down the fort in your absence. See you in the morning?" Rylen asked for confirmation.

Cullen reassured him, "I'll be there." His hand continued to work the sensitive ridge of Alistair's ear, keeping him quiet and compliant for the rest of his call.

As an afterthought, Rylen said, "Oh and, sir… you might want to bring donuts."

"Why's that?" Cullen asked, curious.

"It's called bribery, sir. You don't want people to know that you've been giggling, do you?" He said teasingly.

Cullen groaned good naturedly at his Lieutenant, "As you say, Rylen. See you in the morning."

"Don't be late sir!" Rylen laughed as he hung up.

Cullen released Alistair's ear and wrapped both of his arms around the mischievous man, pinning him to his chest. "Thought that was funny, did you?" He staked his claim to Alistair's luscious lips.

Recovering from the stimulation of his ear and Cullen's amazing kisses, Alistair took a shuddering breath before responding, "Not necessarily funny… but definitely enjoyable." Alistair kissed his way up Cullen's neck and nipped at his ear, "I could continue further if you'd like, pay you back for abusing your power over me."

Cullen chuckled, "At least now I know the secret to keeping you at my mercy. And that little stunt of yours? I have already filed it away for later."

Alistair teased, "Oooh, is that a threat?"

"That… my darling man, is a promise. Now before you distract me further…"

"Oh, so you find me distracting, do you?" Alistair positively purred in his arms.

"Incredibly… and you know it."

"Yes I do, but it's only fair…"

"You're doing it again." Cullen chided, then leaned in and kissed those tender lips with every ounce of affection he could muster.

Pulling away—his focus shattered, Alistair said, "Did I? I uh… What were you saying?"

Grinning, Cullen gently reminded him, "We were about to get dressed so we could go enjoy the pleasures that the sea has waiting for us."

Finally submitting, Alistair grinned with excitement ready to enjoy their day together. "Stop by my place on the way so I can change and grab a few things?"

"As you wish."

* * *

 **Notes:**

I have helpers who help me clean up well! I owe all the spit and polish to Connie . Flint and Ponticle. Without them, I would have too many words and probably not enough punctuation and way too many details that you didn't need! I'm still learning... I will always be learning, but the Maker has blessed me with some amazing guides for which I am eternally grateful!

 **For everyone who keeps coming back for more-I appreciate you to the moon and back! For those that have shown me love by favoriting, following and leaving reviews... I love you all right back! Thank you so much for your support!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary:**

Our boys have some trouble getting out of the house.  
The long drive to the beach with some ... shocking ... surprises  
and the following conversation to make sense out of it all.  
And if that's not already chock full of fun...  
More surprises await them at the beach!  
Why are you still waiting around? Get to reading already! These boys miss you!

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Warnings:** Nothing major in this one. By the nature of these boys, there's innuendo, sarcasm, and language-as a given. Oh and fair warning about the ending... it's pretty chock full of fluff and sweet and cuteness. Seriously, take your insulin if ya need it.

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 12**

A Day at the Beach - Part 1

* * *

Alistair retrieved his clothes and dressed while Cullen went to change for their day at the beach. He was carefully draping the suit pieces over the back of the chair when Cullen came back into the room carrying two towels, a blanket, and a duffel bag.

"Hmm, that's a shame," Cullen pouted as he watched Alistair try to make some order out of what was left of the pile of clothes.

Looking up with a confused smile, Alistair asked, "What's a shame?"

"You're dressed." Cullen admitted sadly.

"That was the general plan, wasn't it?"

Cullen put the items he was carrying on the couch and wrapped his arms around Alistair before elaborating, "But, you've managed to cover up all of my favorite parts." Cullen began kissing Alistair's shoulder, working his way in toward his neck.

Alistair gasped, "And what parts are those?"

"Hmm… I haven't decided yet. That may require further investigation." His kisses found their way to Alistair's mouth before he pulled back with a contented smile. " _Many_ more hours of investigation, I think."

Cullen returned to peppering kisses over Alistair's neck while his hands roamed freely.

Trying to pull out of Cullen's arms, Alistair protested weakly, "Hey now, _you_ were the one insisting that we get ready to leave."

"But then you covered up!" Cullen reiterated his previous complaint while sticking out his bottom lip. His eyes glinted with mischievousness as he pulled Alistair to his chest and ran his hands up the inside of his shirt. "I was enjoying the view."

"You can enjoy the view with my clothes on."

"It's not the same." Cullen's tongue found its way to Alistair's clavicle, causing him to groan. "Maker, you taste so fucking good."

Alistair's feeble attempts at breaking free were being thwarted at every turn, "Aren't…" He moaned, cleared his throat, and tried again, "Aren't… we going to the beach?" He pushed weakly at Cullen's chest, only to have him nip at his jaw and his arms clench tighter around his torso.

One hand gradually worked its way down Alistair's back. Finding the hard lines of his ass, Cullen squeezed, grinding his rapidly rising erection against the course denim on Alistair's hip, "Were we?" He nuzzled into Alistair's neck, breathing him in and began to kiss his way back up toward those delicious ears.

Quicker than Cullen thought possible, Alistair spun out of his grasp and stood directly behind him. Both of his arms now wrapped firmly around Cullen's, effectively pinning them to his sides.

"Tsk, tsk, you naughty boy," whispered Alistair as they both panted to catch their breath, "If I let you at my ears again this morning, we will never get out of your apartment. We don't want to go against sweet Mr. Chen's orders now do we?"

Although he knew Wardens had augmented reflexes, Cullen was startled by just how quick Alistair was. One second, Alistair was trapped; the next, he'd reversed their situation—impressive, considering Cullen's strength and training.

Still blinking from surprise, Cullen couldn't help but laugh. As Alistair loosened his grip, Cullen turned in his arms. He cupped Alistair's face gently in his hands and pulled him in for an apologetic kiss. "Fine, we'll wait for later," he smiled.

Alistair raised one eyebrow, "You promise to behave?"

"I don't know; that was really _hot_ and it might be fun to see you move like that again. But perhaps… I'll wait until we're at the beach. I will have more room to retaliate without the risk of destroying my living room in the process."

Calling a temporary truce, they finished packing up their things, grabbed the duffel bag, and headed out to the parking garage.

* * *

When Cullen stopped at the back of his vehicle, Alistair began to laugh, "You drive… a Jeep Commander! That is—that's kinda perfect for you actually… Commander…" Alistair winked as he circled the Jeep, letting his fingers glide over the dust-free, black paint and rugged accessory package, "Completely blacked out too: black rims, tinted windows and tail-lights, not an ounce of chrome. Is this the 4.7 liter V8?" Alistair asked with genuine interest.

"5.7 liter Hemi." He blushed lightly as he opened the passenger door for Alistair. Climbing into the black cloth interior, Cullen elaborated, "When I was transferred to Denerim, Mia decided I was close enough to visit her regularly. Therefore, I needed a vehicle. My promotion to ' _Commander_ ' came later, but the coincidence is not lost on anyone."

Less than ten minutes later, they arrived at Alistair's bar so he could change and grab extra clothes. Cullen wanted to park in his usual spot and accompany him up, but

Alistair assured him this would be quicker. So Cullen waited, contemplating their last two days together.

Lost to his thoughts, he didn't see Alistair return and reach for the Jeep's door until it was too late. A jolt of electricity arced from the handle to Alistair's hand.

"Hey!" He yelped indignantly pulling his hand back on reflex.

Mortified that his wandering mind caused him to forget about his wards, Cullen quickly drained their energy before reaching across and opening the door for Alistair.

"I… am… so… sorry." He apologized looking mortified. "It's uh… warded." Cullen began by way of explanation. "Normally you wouldn't be affected by them unless of course you meant me harm." He ventured a tentative smile at the memory of Alistair touching his Jeep without issue before they got in. "When I'm inside with the engine running, however, it powers up automatically. No one can get in unless I… unlock it."

Alistair tossed his bag into the back seat and climbed in chuckling and shaking the tingle out of his hand. "So I see! And here I thought you were just being a gentleman while opening the door for me earlier."

Cullen admitted ruefully, "I would open doors for you anyway. Are you… ok?" He asked hesitantly, taking Alistair's affected hand in his own and rubbing his fingers before kissing them.

"I'm fine, really. It just surprised me is all." He tried to placate Cullen, "Trust me, I've suffered worse and _now_ I know better." He winked before sitting back in his seat to put on his seatbelt.

Grateful for Alistair's ease and forgiveness, Cullen put the Jeep in gear to continue on their way.

After a few moments of travel, Alistair broke the silence, "So... how do you _unlock_ them exactly?"

"My wards?"

Alistair nodded, then realized Cullen's attention was on the road, "Yes, your wards. Do you have a fancy button? Is that a new-fangled type of theft deterrent I should look into?"

Cullen chuckled, "No fancy buttons. And certainly not your everyday ADT™ system." He flexed his fingers on the steering wheel while he figured out how to proceed, "How much do you know of a Templar's abilities?"

"Probably not as much as I should, judging by your wards." Alistair joked, "Did you set them?"

Cullen laughed, "No, I am no mage. I have Dorian to thank for the wards." Cullen groaned as he realized that he'd just outed his friend. Unable to take it back, he decided to bait Alistair to see if he'd confirm his suspicions about Lana, "Having a mage as a best friend has its benefits, wouldn't you agree?"

"Lana wouldn't…" Alistair caught himself. His eyes wide with surprise before he narrowed them at a grinning Cullen.

"How did you...?" Alistair shook his head and laughed, "Never mind, I probably shouldn't even ask. Yes, it has some benefits. Though I don't believe Lana's abilities cover lightning based alarm systems, I will have to ask her though."

Cullen snickered, "I don't suppose being healed by touching someone's belongings would be much of a deterrent would it?"

Alistair looked at him surprised, "No, I don't suppose it would. I'd probably just end up with people rubbing up against my car for all the warm tinglies it gave them." They both laughed at the visual. "So how do you know so much about her magic. She is usually very careful about not using it unless absolutely necessary."

"She's an empath, that much you admitted to me on the day we met. Though initially, I wasn't sure if you were pulling my leg or not." Cullen smiled at the memory. "She's proven her psychic abilities true enough. As for making the deduction for her special _flavor_ of magic, it wasn't a difficult stretch. Empaths either make incredible healers or sadistic mass murderers. And since Lana shies away from things causing pain, that left… healer."

"You're kind of scary as a detective, you know that?" Alistair squeezed his hand affectionately.

Shrugging, Cullen admitted, "My penchant for observation is what led me towards my current job after leaving the order. It just felt… natural. Which brings us back around to my original question. It will be easier for me to answer how I 'unlock' my wards if I know how much you know already."

Nodding in agreement, Alistair began, "When I was just a boy, the recruiting Templars would come around and regale us with stories about their abilities as holy warriors. They professed to being _blessed by the Maker to defend all of Thedas_." Alistair chuckled at the 'larger than life' propaganda speeches they were given as children. "The Sisters used to threaten us by saying they'd get one of the Templars to _smite_ us if we didn't behave. Regardless of all the threats and posturing, I've yet to see a Templar exhibit anything more than brute force. Skillfully placed force, mind you, but nothing… exceptional."

Cullen shook his head at the familiar stories and chuckled. "That sounds about standard. What about as a Warden? Did you learn anything different there, other than some existed with the _sight_?"

"When I became a Warden, I studied their basic combat techniques and learned about their preferred weapon combinations."

"I'm sensing a theme there with you. Is there a fighting style out there that you haven't studied yet?"

Alistair pondered for a moment before offering, "Underwater, mermaid wrestling?"

"You're slacking."

"I know; it's terrible. I'll get right on that."

Cullen chuckled, enjoying their playful banter, but wanting to get them back on topic. He squeezed Alistair's hand, "You were saying?"

"We were in camp one night when Duncan joined us accompanied by a few older Wardens. We spent most of that night sitting around swapping stories. Eventually, one of them started talking about a battle he fought beside a couple of-what he called- _True-Templars."_ Alistair glanced to his left to see if there was any reaction, but Cullen's gaze was fixed on the road.

"The Warden that night said he'd never seen anything like it; these impressive warriors put us to shame. At the time, I scoffed at the concept." Alistair snorted, then looked Cullen up and down. "After meeting _you_ though…" Alistair licked his lips and Cullen snorted.

"Hey! None of that! I'm driving… and you're talking. What did he tell you about them?"

Alistair laughed, "He said that they were—of course—awakened; possessing _true-sight_. He also said that they could counter magic—or was it absorb it?" Alistair became lost in the memory, explaining with excitement and wonder, the tale that the old Warden regaled them with that night.

"During that battle, one of the Templars was disarmed, but continued to fight as if he still carried a sword; tearing through the darkspawn without pause. He slashed, blocked, and parried without the need of an actual weapon or physical contact. He said it was almost like magic, but different. Like a force of nature surrounded the Templar, bending to his will. At the time, I thought it was just the old Warden pulling my leg. As the youngest in the group, it was pretty common for them to fuck with me on a regular basis. But I take it, since you're not scoffing, that he spoke the truth?"

Cullen nodded, "He did."

"So... can you?" Alistair was positively humming with excitement at the prospect.

Smiling sheepishly, he nodded, "I can show you if you'd like."

"What, like here? Now? Won't we need more space? Like an open field or my dojo and you… not to be driving?"

"It's not necessary for this demonstration, though we can explore our… _talents_ more later if you'd prefer." Cullen winked, then turned his head back to the road. "Hold your hand out about four inches above mine." Cullen released his hand from where he'd been holding it and laid his—palm up—on the center console. Focused on the road, he appeared to be relaxed and calm, just waiting for Alistair to hold his hand again.

"I don't think I want to play this game, my dear, your Jeep has already bitten me today." He chuckled as he tentatively obeyed by trying to bring his hand down to within the required four inches of Cullen's. He never got that close. About six inches up, he hit a barrier.

"Ok, that's pretty fantastic, but how does that translate? How does it _apply_ to being a Templar?" Alistair asked curious, still probing around the area surrounding Cullen's hand that he couldn't get to.

In response, Alistair felt a pressure slowly pushing his hand farther away from his goal before it disappeared altogether and he was able to place his hand back in Cullen's again.

"That is my own… energy if you will. Or rather, the Maker's gift, that _true-Templar's_ wield." Cullen smiled almost sadly as he explained his _gifts_. "We learn to harness it, focus it, and redirect it to serve us. I can expand it to use as a shield or hone it to use as a weapon, though I still prefer a physical sword or my gun. In its most extreme use, I can blast it from my body with an incredible force, which is what a true _smite_ actually is: a blast so intense that everything surrounding you either goes flying or shatters as your energy lashes out at them. It can be… truly terrifying."

Caressing Cullen's hand in both of his, Alistair asked, "If you have control over it, how can you be afraid of it?"

"You know that feeling… when you're angry or hurt and suddenly you can do _more_ than normal? That adrenaline-pumping, gut-wrenching, fight-or-flight feeling?"

"Yes?"

"Now, imagine that power intensified exponentially. Think about your most desperate battle and how close to panicking you felt as everything started to unravel. That much power wielded that close to being out of control. A smite can't pick and choose who it's targeting, it will take out everyone and everything around you, like a grenade, only you're the last one standing and you feel utterly drained in the aftermath. It's terrifying knowing that I have... _that_ at my disposal." Cullen admitted.

Alistair nodded his understanding. "So you'd only use it as a last resort. Got it. But you said that energy can also be honed and directed as a shield, like a mage's? That sounds useful."

Cullen nodded, "It _can_ be, but it is different than a mage's. I could easily take away the magic feeding their shield and use it to power my own, but they would be unable to similarly affect my shield."

"How does that work exactly?"

"It's difficult to explain." Cullen paused, "Just as I can manipulate the Maker's energy, I can feel the energy that mages gather to unleash a spell and I can drain that energy from them so their spells don't work. Like a siphon."

"Where does it go?"

"I can channel it into the ground and release it, or I can use it to enhance my own fighting and defenses." Cullen chuckled, "Occasionally during training, we would get into trouble for boosting our holy powers. Apparently, it's frowned upon to use someone else's energy to enhance the gifts we are given from the Maker." Cullen winked.

Alistair gasped in mock surprise, "Sweet, devoted, Cullen Rutherford getting into trouble for abusing his powers? Say it isn't so!"

He laughed out loud, "We didn't spend _all_ our time memorizing Canticles and sitting in meditative prayer. We did have _fun_ sometimes, too."

"So without mages in the Templar order, how did you practice?" Alistair wondered.

"We used specially designed magical orbs. They constantly refill with energy and it was our task to keep it empty, or nearly empty. During our final vigil, we were tasked with keeping it drained for 3 days or we would fail and have to start again."

" _Three days_? I guess that meant you had to stay awake to focus the whole time?"

Cullen nodded, "Yes, they refilled rather quickly, so even taking short naps would hinder your success. Especially since that wasn't the _only_ task."

"What else did you have to do?" asked Alistair.

Cullen looked at him skeptically, "If I told you that, I'd have to kill you—and I'd rather not do that."

"Ha. Okay." Alistair shrugged. "So… the draining of energy… that's how your Jeep's wards are disabled?"

"You are correct. Dorian has the Jeep warded with a refillable energy, just like my orbs were during training, only these ones are lightning based. If I am not inside of it, there is an added layer to the ward that reads your intent. If someone were to just want to throw their bag inside or open the door to get in, there would be no repercussion. Now, if the intent was theft or vandalism, they'd get hit with an arc similar to what you felt, only it gets stronger each time the perpetrator tries to get in until they are rendered unconscious."

"That sounds pretty effective and explains why I was able to touch the outside before."

"Exactly." Cullen smiled at Alistair's quick understanding. He found it refreshing to have a conversation with this much candor. It was a rarity in his lifetime.

Alistair chewed over what he'd just learned about Cullen's abilities as well as the magically protected Jeep that he drove. "So, are there many Templars with these gifts?"

"We are less common, but I wouldn't say that an awakened Templar is extremely rare. I trained with five other Templars who had the sight.

"Out of how many recruits?"

"Sixty-five. I wasn't totally alone in my training." Cullen offered before touching back on Alistair's original query, "As you surmised, regular Templars are basically incredibly skilled warriors of faith. Their skills are based on discipline, tenacity, and regimented training. _True_ -Templars, are the elite force behind the Templars. We are just as devoted to our faith and training, but our awakened abilities give us that added edge where we might need it."

Alistair was intrigued, "So can you actually counter magic, or just drain it?"

Cullen blushed, "I… can only drain it and use its source to enhance my own skills. For example, I can't use the energy I pulled from the Jeep to direct an arc of lightning at you. I can only use that energy to help my own abilities, increase my stamina, or even help me ignore pain for a short while. It doesn't actually heal me, but it is very helpful in keeping mages from casting, which gives me time to recover."

Cullen thought for a minute in silence, weighing the concept of their shared awareness. Knowing how Alistair felt about secrets, he decided that he needed to be fully honest with Alistair about everything that happened at Thursday night's raid.

Cullen began hesitantly, "I should probably tell you." He paused trying to think of how to phrase his admission, "One thing I enjoy about my job, is that the crimes I face are usually very… mundane and boring. I don't often get much opportunity to use my abilities other than with my wards. I know how you feel about secrets, and I also don't want any between us. So I'd like to tell you about what _really_ happened last week."

Alistair's head snapped in his direction and his eyes got wide. "The raid?"

"When we spoke about it last, you were worried about me. You were probably right to be, there were more of them than expected, though we still managed to come out ok. I didn't know that you would understand then, so I didn't tell you exactly what we faced."

"How many of you were truly prepared?" Alistair asked, concern written plainly on his face.

"My team is well trained, but only I fully understood what it was that we faced. They are trained to follow my lead without question and usually that is enough. I am thankful that none of them got hurt."

"Do I _want_ to know what it was you were up against?"

"Probably not," Cullen paused, "but I don't want to keep anything from you. You already know that my job is dangerous. I don't think it would be beneficial to either of us to downplay how dangerous it can _actually_ be." He took a deep breath, "Thursday had us walking into a den of blood mages. There were eight total—they're all dead now—plus their master who, as you already know, got away."

"Andraste's Flaming Knickers! Nine nefarious blood mages and only one aware enough to handle it!" Alistair was incensed. "Cullen do you know what blood mages are capable of? You could have been taken over. They could get inside your head and use you and your abilities against your men!" Alistair's eyes were wide with the potential horror.

"And yet, through the odds, I'm still here and my men are fine. You did catch the part where I am able to negate their casting ability didn't you?" Cullen was patiently calm and tried to sound reassuring.

"Yes, but still. Nine to one?! You could have missed one! And it only takes one to turn into an abomination, then magic sucking-abilities or not…"

Cullen snorted. "You weren't complaining about my _'magical sucking_ ' abilities yesterday, my dear."

Alistair opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally reigning in his fear driven anger. "Ok you've got me there," he smirked. "I'm sorry for overreacting. But I've only just found you, I'd hate to lose you so soon to odds like that."

Cullen squeezed Alistair's hand reassuringly, "I do appreciate you worrying over my safety. That's… new for me. Trust me, I'm not all that keen on this ending so soon either. But it's not as if I have that kind of backup at my disposal—"

Alistair interrupted, "You do _now_."

Cullen blushed—his train of thought derailed, "Well, honestly, everything turned out fine. I was dealing with _mages_ , not darkspawn."

Alistair looked at him seriously, "Should you finally track down the master, or know that you'll be walking in on anything like that again, be it mages, darkspawn, demons, whatever; will you please take me with you so you at least have someone who's aware that has your back?"

Cullen shrugged noncommittally, wondering how he'd be able to explain bringing his boyfriend along in his reports, "I will try. I cannot promise more than that."

Alistair did not find that response satisfactory, but he couldn't seem to stay upset. He wasn't actually mad at him, anyway—only scared. But even _he_ rarely went into battle alone. Alistair usually had Lana at his back at the very least, if not Leli, Zev, or Duncan too. Biding his time, he rode for a short while in silence then began to look around at his surroundings with interest as Cullen pulled off the main road.

* * *

The narrow private road wound its way through the trees and eventually changed from pavement to dirt and began to climb. As they came to a stop at the bottom of an incline Alistair thought much too steep to climb, he arched an eyebrow at Cullen. "You can't be serious!"

Cullen's ear to ear grin was laced with boyish excitement. "What? Aren't you brave enough, Warden?"

"Boys and their toys!" Alistair laughed, "bring it on! Show me what the all-powerful Commander can do with his mighty Jeep."

Shifting into 4WD, Cullen put it in low and nearly cackled with glee as they began the climb, "Up, up, and away!"

They both laughed with unbridled exhilaration as the Jeep fought for traction as it climbed the precipitous path. As they reached the crest, Cullen confessed, "I suppose we could have gone up the main drive. It's longer, but not nearly as fun." He winked as he pulled up behind a beautiful two-story house surrounded by trees.

Alistair chuckled, "I thought you were taking me to the beach, this looks like a house in the middle of the woods."

Cutting the engine, Cullen grinned and pulled his shirt over his head as he jumped out, "There's beach, don't worry."

Alistair followed suit, losing his own shirt, he met Cullen in front of the Jeep. "I'm not sure I believe you." He wrapped his arms around Cullen's waist, pulling him in for a quick kiss. Looking around, Alistair admitted, "I have to hand it to you though, beach or no, it is beautiful here."

"It certainly is." Cullen softly echoed, his fingers running through Alistair's hair. He knew he was already lost, they were in one of the most picturesque places in all of Thedas and all he could do was appreciate Alistair's hard lines, soft lips, and sculpted muscles.

 _Maker, he's gorgeous!_

Cullen cupped Alistair's cheek and placed a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth, "I'm glad you decided to come with me today."

"I'm glad we managed to get the whole day off together. But, I almost feel like we're doing something… scandalous!" Alistair leaned in conspiratorially, "like we ditched school and it's only a matter of time before they find us and haul us back!"

"Did you do that a lot growing up?"

Alistair shrugged one shoulder and chuckled, "Just don't go asking Mother Natalie about it, I'm sure she'd have plenty of stories to tell you. Might ruin your image of me."

"I can't imagine anything ever doing that." Cullen looked around the back of the house and suddenly grinned, "Come on, we're wasting time. I still have to show you the best part!" He began to lead Alistair towards the front of the house.

"What? Is there a kiddie pool we're going to pretend is the beach?" Alistair looked around as they rounded the corner. There did, in fact, appear to be a normal driveway leading up to the front of the house as well as a detached garage that had a second floor above it off to the east.

That wasn't where Alistair was being led, however, or one of them might have noticed a car parked neatly in said garage. He found himself moving towards a copse of trees that were just slightly below the wrap-around veranda of the cottage.

Heading for an opening in the trees, Cullen watched as Alistair took in the view.

Stopping in his tracks, his mouth fell open in surprise and his eyes lit up with pure excitement at the secluded half-moon shaped, private beach. They stood at the top of a cliff with sturdy metal stairs built into it, zig-zagging their way down to the white sands and crystal blue waters below.

"Maker's breath, this is beautiful. It's a private little paradise." His gaze drifted over the gorgeous scene once more, before falling into amber eyes of the man responsible for the current fluttering of his heart.

Pulling Alistair into his arms, Cullen kissed him softly before laying their foreheads together, "I'm glad you like it. I don't come here nearly as often as I should, but perhaps now, I may have a reason to." Claiming his lips for more tender kisses, he was unaware of the shadow looming in the entryway to the house.

"Well, well, well—little brother." A female voice intoned from up on the porch.

Cullen stiffened in his lover's arms. His eyes grew wide as he slowly turned towards the house to find his sister standing with her arms crossed over her chest, tapping her foot like their mother used to do.

Mia Hart, his elder by two years; stood frowning down at him. There was a definite family resemblance, though Mia's curls were a dark brown and her ringlets were much longer than her brother's. She wore a simple red sundress over a swimsuit and sandals, with an apron over the top as if they had interrupted her in the kitchen. There may have been a frown upon her face, but her hazel-green eyes sparkled with kindness and affection.

Pulling from their embrace, but still holding Alistair's hand, Cullen tugged him over to the porch to meet his sister. As they got closer, Mia's 'stern' look split into a huge grin.

Cullen dropped Alistair's hand and quickly closed the gap between them. Scooping her off the porch and swinging her around, the two siblings laughed in each other's arms.

Smacking her brother on the shoulder, Mia's laughter turned to good natured scolding, "Put me down, you big overgrown brute! I'm not a sack of rice."

Setting her down, Cullen gave her another hug before pulling her over towards Alistair who was standing amused at the sibling's actions. Cullen wrapped one arm around him before beginning the introductions, "Mia, I would like you to meet Alistair. Alistair, this is my _much older_ sister, Mia." Mia nudged Cullen in the ribs as she approached Alistair, refusing his proffered hand, she gave him a hug instead.

"It is truly a pleasure to meet you, Alistair. I would like to tell you that Cullen has told me all about you, but apparently they didn't teach him manners in the Chantry. Apparently they didn't teach him to write, text, or otherwise stay in contact with his family regarding his relationship status either." She smiled in jest at Alistair then pulled back, punching her brother in the arm on her way by.

Cullen feigned injury, "OOOh ouch, I'm wounded! You big meanie!" He chuckled at his sister, "So, Mia, why exactly are you here? You didn't mention anything last night about coming today."

She grinned deviously, "Well, it's not every day that I get a call from my long lost brother, letting me know where he's going to be so I could ambush him. How could I miss my chance to see this face?" She grabbed both his cheeks with one hand and squeezed them together making a most undignified expression on the Commander's normally serious face. "I simply had to come see for myself who could convince my brother to skip work and come relax at the beach for the day. I see now the who and by the smile in my brother's eyes, I'd say that you've been good for him." She smiled sweetly at Alistair as she released her brother's face, patting him twice more on the cheek for good measure.

"You know where I usually am, Mia." Cullen rubbed his face where she'd squeezed it.

His sister rolled her eyes before responding, "Yes, but I'd rather not bring the kids to the precinct to see their uncle Cullen. "

Cullen's eyes lit up with excitement, "They're here? I haven't seen them since before Emma was born."

She leveled her gaze at her brother, "That was over four months ago, you boob! You're lucky you're their favorite uncle or they might get mad at you for staying away so long. The boys are down on the beach with their father and the baby is in the house taking a nap."

Cullen looked appropriately chastised, "I'm sorry I haven't been to see you since she was born, Mia. I can't wait to meet her."

"Well, you made her wait to meet you, so it won't kill you to wait until she wakes up. Then you can give her your blessing. Don't think you're getting out of it just because you're not a Templar anymore either." Mia responded while winking at her brother.

"It would be my honor, Mia, you know that." Cullen responded with a softness in his eyes that Alistair noticed appeared whenever he mentioned his sister or her kids.

"Alistair, why don't you follow Mia inside, she won't bite _much_ , honest. I'll go grab our bags and meet you in a second."

Alistair nodded in response and followed Mia into the house.

Cullen grabbed their bags and shirts from inside the Jeep and went to join the duo in the house. As he entered the main room, he saw Alistair laying on a blanket on the floor.

He was having a very involved conversation with a baby in a pink-sundress. Alistair was chatting away with her while she had a firm grip on his finger, looking up at him as if he were the most interesting person on the planet. Cullen wholeheartedly agreed.

He looked into the kitchen where Mia was preparing enough food to feed the whole Chantry and then some. She smiled sweetly at her brother then down at Alistair looking slightly amused.

Hearing his approach, Alistair looked up and grinned at Cullen. Winking, he said, "Beware Sir Knight! This one must have magical powers. There I was, minding my own business and the next thing I knew, I was down here on the floor entranced and unable to break from her spell." He looked back at the baby. "What's that? Oh yes, Emma, your uncle Cullen is very brave. He could protect you from the fiercest dragons or the scariest darkspawn. Not that you need much protecting with those powers of yours. Would you like to meet him?"

Alistair put his ear close to her little cherub lips pretending to listen, "Your wish is my command, fair princess." Alistair intimated a question to Mia, ' _May I?_ ' She nodded to him with a huge smile on her face, never deviating from her food preparation.

He carefully picked up the tiny pink angel and, rising gracefully to his feet, presented her to her uncle. "Emma Rose, I have the infinite pleasure to present to you the Mighty Commander, Cullen Rutherford."

Mia interrupted, "Stanton."

"Pardon?"

"Cullen _Stanton_ Rutherford," she interjected helpfully.

Smiling, Alistair cleared his throat and continued, "Ahhh - the plot thickens…. Ahem. My most humble apologies, your grace. May I present to you the Mighty Commander, Cullen _Stanton_ Rutherford of the King's army in Denerim. Former Knight-Commander of her Holiness Andraste herself. Pledged to defend the downtrodden and protect the innocent all the while maintaining that _fabulous_ curly hair. You may call him… Uncle Cullen… y'know, when you're able to finally speak, that is." With a bow and a flourish, Alistair deposited the pink drooling bundle into her Uncle's waiting arms.

"Now how am I supposed to follow up that introduction?" Cullen grinned at Alistair before looking deep into the sweet eyes of his newest family member.

"It is a pleasure to meet you your highness, I hope my reputation doesn't precede me overmuch. Though I usually believe the pomp and ceremony a bit unnecessary, for you I feel compelled to indulge in a certain… decorum." Cullen marveled at the blonde ringlets just forming on her tiny little head before tenderly placing a sweet kiss upon her forehead. He inhaled her scent then opened his eyes to find his sister and Alistair watching him with matching smirks on their faces.

Mia came to his rescue first, "I get it. Baby smell. There's nothing else like it."

Cullen agreed, "It's pure innocence and hope. Not yet touched or corrupted by anything bad in the world." Cullen adjusted his little niece in his arms, holding her gently against his bare chest.

"Would you mind, doing her blessing before we head down to the beach?" Mia asked tentatively. "I don't know when we'll get a chance to corner you again, and you are absolutely not getting out of it."

"I wouldn't dream of it, Mia. I've used my Maker-given gifts for many things over the years, but none are as important to me as the blessings I can bestow upon our family." He sighed dreamily as he gazed at the sweet innocence in his arms, "it's the one thing that makes everything else I've had to endure… bearable."

A quiet sadness passed between the siblings, but nothing more was said on the topic.

Alistair wasn't worried, he knew there was a story there and someday, he would be privy to it. Today was a day for blessings however, so he watched Cullen find a place to sit, his adoring gaze never leaving Emma's face.

Taking a seat in one of the chairs just off the kitchen, Cullen laid his niece upon his legs. Her head lay on his knees and her feet rested lightly upon his torso. Cullen placed his first two fingers against each part mentioned as he blessed his newest family member.

* * *

 **In the Maker's name, I bless this beautiful baby girl**

 **Hear her name, O'Maker, for she is your daughter, your light**

 **Emma Rose Hart**

 **May your feet walk only on paths which lead to love**

 **May your hands be gentle to yourself and those who care for you**

 **May your voice sing with joy at the wonders that surround you**

 **May your heart be loving, giving, and kind**

 **May your eyes see the beauty in all things around you**

 **May your ears hear what is good and true**

 **May your mind be full of hope and forgiveness**

 **And in all things**

 **May the Maker's light guide, protect, and bring you comfort**

* * *

 **I bestow these blessings upon you, Emma Rose Hart**

 **in the name of Andraste and the Maker above**

 **May the Chant of Light carry your name**

 **to the ears of our Lord, so that he may watch over you.** ***1**

* * *

Cullen finished his blessing by kissing the middle of Emma's forehead then picking her back up again into his arms. He whispered into her tiny little ear with his eyes reverently closed, "Beyond any blessing that I can bestow upon you, sweet girl, know that you are loved and cherished and will always have a home within our family and within my heart."

Holding his niece close to his chest, he opened his eyes to see his sister and lover watching him. Mia had tears trickling softly down her cheeks and Alistair was gently rubbing her back while handing her a tissue. The look upon Alistair's face was filled with pure adoration and gentle kindness.

Breaking the silence, Alistair said quietly, "I promise not to tell Mother Natalie how well you do that. She'd have you do every blessing that came by the Chantry whether you wanted to or not. She can be very persuasive that way, you know."

Finished drying her tears, Mia blew her nose before adding, "That's why only Cullen is allowed to bless my babies. From anyone else, they would just be words." She smiled at her brother affectionately then went back to the sink to wash up again so she could resume her food preparation.

Following Mia's lead, Alistair washed his hands, found a knife, and began slicing away at a block of cheese as she cut up more fruit for the basket.

Cullen blushed and chuckled as he continued to hold and snuggle his niece, "It never fails, where there's cheese, Alistair will be there." Before he could say anything further, he was rewarded with a bit of cheese popped into his mouth followed by a light kiss.

"Oh hush, you know I can't resist my favorite food." Alistair grinned as he happily sliced away in the kitchen.

Chuckling as they finished packing up the basket, Cullen asked Mia, "Is all of this going down to the beach?"

"You try feeding three grown men and two growing boys on less than that." She laughed at the absurdity. "It's actually a good thing you two showed up when you did, _you_ can carry the brunt of it for me while I bring Emma down in a bit."

Cullen pouted dramatically, "Aww - and here I was hoping to… OUCH." He looked down at the little angel turned beastie in his arms. One of her tiny fists had a handful of his chest hair—that was no longer attached to his body—in it.

"On second thought, here, you carry her and I'll carry the basket. He pried her tiny fingers open to dust his hair from them, then passed her gently to his sister, stealing one last kiss before giving her up completely.

Cullen placed an affectionate kiss on his sister's forehead, "She is beautiful Mia, you did good."

She smiled up at her brother giving him a one armed hug, "You two can head down at any time, I'm going to change Emma and grab a few more things before heading to the water. Oh and Alistair?"

Alistair looked at her quizzically.

Mia grinned, "The sunblock is in the bathroom, do put some on before you burn to a crisp out there."

"Yes, mother!" Alistair laughed good naturedly.

Taking his hand, Cullen pulled Alistair towards the back of the house, "C'mon, I'll show you where she keeps it."

Alistair chuckled, "It looks like we're fated to always be surrounded by mother hens."

Entering the large bathroom, Cullen closed the door behind them for privacy, "Well, this is not what I was expecting when I invited you out here. I uh… hope you don't mind…"

Alistair wrapped his arms tenderly around Cullen's waist, pulling him to his chest, "I don't mind at all. Your sister is great, Emma is precious, and they're your family… It's actually nice to see this other side of you."

Cullen brushed his fingers lightly over Alistair's jawline, then wrapping his hand behind his head, pulled him the rest of the way in for a kiss. "You are too good to be true, you know that?"

With mischievousness in his eyes, Alistair chuckled, "I want you to remember you said that when we eventually hit some proverbial speedbumps, okay?"

"It's a deal." Cullen said as he grabbed the sunblock out of the medicine cabinet and turned Alistair around, kissing both of his shoulders and then his neck. He started to slowly rub the lotion in, reveling in how delicious he felt beneath his fingers.

Alistair hummed in appreciation, "Mmm - you are giving me flashbacks to last night; or was that this morning?" He giggled, "I'm not sure your sister needs to hear us in here. I like her, I'd like for her _not_ to be put off by me quite so quickly."

Cullen admitted, "I can't help it. I love the feel of your skin next to mine."

"Next to, underneath, on top of."

Cullen whispered into his ear, wrapping his arms around him from behind, "Yes… all of the above. I can't seem to get enough."

Thoroughly enjoying the feeling of his lover's touch, but knowing they needed to reign it in, Alistair turned in Cullen's arms and kissed him fully before saying, "I'll make a deal with you. We behave here today, get through this little impromptu visit with your family and tonight, when we get back to your place…" He paused, passionately claiming his lips while running his hands possessively over the curves of Cullen's ass, "We can pick this back up again."

Returning the kisses, Cullen acquiesced, "Mmm I think I can live with that. But you have to let me keep you for the whole night. I dare say, I'm getting rather fond of sleeping with you in my arms."

"We don't seem to be getting much sleep though." Alistair reminded him.

Grinning deviously, Cullen chuckled, "I know." They kissed again—full of promises for later—then finished applying their sunscreen.

Grabbing their towels and the basket full of food, they took off to head down to the beach to join the rest of the family.

* * *

*1 Blessing from Chantry Sister in Ostagar from DA: Origins / Modified.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

As promised, this chapter was chock full of lore, mostly Templar related. As always, if you have any questions, or if something isn't clear, please ask and I will do my best to explain or refer you to future chapters where the topic will be covered!

 **My work wouldn't be nearly so pretty without the help of two very dear people. My heartfelt thanks to Connie . Flint and Ponticle, who keep me on task and remind me where all the damn comma's go!**

I want to thank everyone for reading, commenting, reviewing, giving kudo's, favoriting, and subscribing (y'know - depending on which site you're reading this on, cause I'm too lazy to write separate thank-you's this time). I mostly write for me, because it makes me happy. I never expected to get so giddy seeing people enjoying my boys as much as I do! It's humbling and brings my heart joy! **You all are the best!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary:**

Who doesn't love a day at the beach with the family?!

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Totally Safe for work**  
\- This chapter is brought to you by the gods of fluff, cuteness, smoochy-face, the letter's A & C and the food 'cheese'!  
Hope you enjoy this totally G rated bit of beach-time fun!

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 13**

A Day at the Beach - Part 2

* * *

Reaching the bottom of the steps that led down to the beach, Alistair gently tapped Cullen on the shoulder, "Uh, Cullen?"

"Hmmm?"

"You might want to hand me the basket." Alistair warned, staring into the distance.

"Why's that?"

"It appears that the natives are attacking." He pointed dramatically.

Cullen turned and spotted two boys running in their direction followed further down the beach, by their father. Quickly passing the basket to Alistair, he turned to meet his foes on the sand.

The larger of the two was in the lead, so Cullen dropped his stance to meet him head on. Cullen swept Stanton up into his arms, flung him over his shoulder, and began to tickle his feet.

He spoke excitedly and quickly between fits of giggles, "Uncle Cullen! We've been waiting for you!"

Cullen laughed, "So I see!"

The younger brother finally caught up and tangled himself around Cullen's legs, "Gotcha! Now you can't move!"

"Oh no! I'm trapped! Whatever shall I do?" Cullen glanced at Alistair who was laughing at their antics.

The boys' father was the last to arrive, slightly winded but grinning fondly at Cullen. They were the same height, but Mia's husband appeared older by several years. He had a shaggy mop of salt and pepper hair and few days growth of matching stubble. His skin was tanned from long hours working in the sun and his eyes held a gentle kindness in the laugh lines framing them. "It's good to see you Cullen, I'm glad you made it out today, Mia's been so excited since you called last night."

Cullen pulled his brother-in-law for a quick hug, "It's good to see you, Sam. I can imagine her turning your house upside-down for this little ambush. You didn't have to cancel anything important for this did you?"

"Nah, the kids are on summer vacation, so I've hired some extra help on the ranch to allow me to spend more time with them. But of course, Mia has been filling _that_ up with a 'honey-do' list as long as your arm." They both laughed knowingly. "In truth, this is more fun than cleaning out the garage anyway, so maybe I should thank you for this little distraction."

He looked at Alistair a little sheepishly, "Though it seems we may have crashed your little party. Mia didn't say you'd be bringing anyone with you. He offered his hand to Alistair, "Hi, I'm Samuel… I belong to Mia."

"Alistair, it's a pleasure to meet you. I uh… belong to Cullen." He grinned then looked at the basket in his hands, "Mia sent down snacks, or lunch, or maybe provisions for the next 3 days? I'm not sure."

Sam took the basket from Alistair laughing, "She does like to feed the masses. Come on, I'll show you where we've set up for the day."

Cullen was still burdened with both boys as they followed Sam down the beach and around a little outcrop of rocks. Their day camp consisted of several large beach blankets and a single umbrella. Off to one side was a large tub containing an assortment of balls, a couple of play swords, flying disks, and sand excavation tools.

Once they were settled, Cullen continued with the introductions, "Alistair, this little darkspawn is Jasper." He indicated the smallest boy with brown hair, bright hazel eyes, and a happy smile.

Returning the smile, Alistair shook his hand, "Well hello, Jasper, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance," he said formally.

Flopping the older boy off his shoulder and onto the blanket, Cullen grunted with mock effort, "And this strapping young lad, is Stanton."

Alistair reached out and shook his hand, greeting him in kind. Stanton had sandy blonde hair, deep blue eyes, and appeared to be the more serious of the two. Alistair looked over at Cullen in question. "Stanton huh?"

Sam answered for him, "Yes, Mia's a bit sentimental, wanted to name our first born after her long lost brother. And she claims to not play favorites." he said good naturedly.

Stanton chimed in, "I've been practicing, Uncle! Everything you showed me about sword work... and my footing is getting better too!" The young man turned to Alistair and announced proudly, "I'm going to be a Templar like my Uncle was!"

Cullen's eyes grew a little sad, but he smiled at the sweet innocence of his nephew, "Andraste herself would be proud to have you serve her." He ruffled the young man's hair, "Why don't you grab the swords and get a space ready for us to practice, you can show me how much you've improved."

"Yes, uncle!" Stanton grabbed the two practice swords then ran off, his brother and father following to help him prepare.

Alistair watched them go, "You have a pretty fantastic family."

"Thank you. They seem to like you as well."

Alistair watched the boys use the swords to draw lines in the sand as Sam put flags in the four corners for their makeshift sparing ring. He chewed his lip a moment before asking, "How old are they?"

"Sam is forty-five. I know what you're thinking, he's all grizzled and grey but he really is only six years older than Mia." Cullen finished with a conspiratorial whisper, "He's been grey for as long as I've known him, I think Mia has that effect on people, we might want to be careful."

Alistair laughed playfully, smacking Cullen on the shoulder, "I was asking about the boys, not their father."

"Well you know… some people like their men… older." Cullen winked.

Alistair placed his hands on Cullen's hips, kissing him tenderly, "I'm quite fond of the one I have, thank you."

"Well, in that case…" Cullen leaned in for another kiss before draping one arm over Alistair's shoulder and facing his nephews again. "Jasper is seven."

Alistair nodded then let his eyes drift to the older brother. "And Stanton?"

"He turned ten last winter." Cullen heard an almost imperceptible sigh. "Hey, what's wrong?" He cupped Alistair's cheek, searching for answers in his eyes.

Quickly stuffing his sadness, he answered, "Nothing... well, nothing urgent anyway," he forced a small smile. "I promise we can discuss it later." He wrapped an arm around Cullen's waist and sealed that promise with a soft kiss.

Hearing giggling, Cullen and Alistair parted and turned to greet Jasper who was running towards them. Grabbing Alistair's hand, the young man started tugging him towards the cliff wall where a few small caves were hidden. Alistair threw a quick glance over his shoulder-grinning-as he was tugged unceremoniously away.

"C'mon! They're going to be busy hitting each other with swords. I wanna show you all the shells I've found today!" Jasper was vibrating with excitement at the prospect of having Alistair all to himself.

* * *

Cullen chuckled as he walked over to the ring where Sam was watching Stanton move effortlessly through his practice forms. Grabbing the spare sword, Cullen fell into step next to his nephew. Picking up in the middle of the complicated string of movements, they completed the synchronized exercise together.

Holding their last stance for a moment longer than necessary, Cullen stood and circled his nephew, checking for any imperfections in the way he was holding himself or his sword. Correcting only the angle of Stanton's back foot, but deeming everything else acceptable, Cullen released him from position.

He waited as his nephew moved from the forward lunge he'd been holding, to parade rest before speaking, "You have been practicing. Most boys who enter their training will be coming in with none of this knowledge or skill. You will certainly have more of a head start than I did when I joined." Cullen paused, thinking about how hard it was for him to catch up in the beginning. "You will have an advantage over them, but does that make you better?"

"No, uncle. We are a team, we work together, and we are only as strong as our weakest member… Sir." He remembered to tack on at the end.

Cullen nodded, "You are more than a team. They will be your family. You look out for each other, not only out of a sense of duty, but because… that's what families do. You teach those that don't yet know, you help those that are struggling, you model behaviors you want others to follow. Humility, trust, faith, devotion, obedience, loyalty, dedication, and a desire to serve the Maker and his bride-these things bind you together, these tenants will become your whole life. Your duty."

Stanton bobbed his head once in acknowledgement, a solemn, determined expression on his face. His lip trembled momentarily, if Cullen hadn't been watching, he might have missed it. "Is there something you'd like to say, young Templar?"

"If… if they are to be my family, does that mean I have to give up…" unable to finish his sentence, his eyes darted to his father but then shot straight ahead where they were supposed to be.

Cullen took a knee before Stanton and placed his hands on his hips smiling reassuringly, "You do not have to give up one family to gain another. Your training will be at the Chantry, mere blocks away from my home and work. I will have access to visit you as often as I am able. Your parents will be able to visit you on selected weekends as well. And between you and me, the more you write to your mother, the happier she will be." He winked at his nephew, earning him a small giggle in return.

"Mama has already threatened me not to be like you in that regard." The grin that lit up his face then made it all worth it.

Cullen laughed, "I don't think she'll ever let me hear the end of how poor I am at checking in with her. You'd think she was my mother instead of my sister. So… what would you like to work on next? Your form was well executed; I can tell you've been putting a lot of work into this."

Sam laughed from the sideline, "Every spare moment the boy has, he's practicing-and some not so spare ones. Hell, the other day, I caught him pretending the bucket of chicken feed was his sword. Somehow he managed to still get his chores done, not exactly how I would have done them, but I don't think the chickens minded wading through his footwork to get to their scratch."

Stanton grinned sheepishly at his feet as they shared in the laugh. "I'd like to spar next, if that's ok. Jasper tries to help me and dad does too, but…"

"But neither one of us can beat him," Sam interjected. "I think the boy needs an actual challenge."

Standing to his full height, Cullen took his place at the center of the mat, "Sparring, it is! Sam, you care to moderate for us?"

* * *

While Cullen was busy instructing Stanton, Alistair was focused on Jasper who had taken him to a little outcropping in one of the cliff's walls. It wasn't deep enough to be considered a cave, but it did provide shade and cover from the day's warm sun. The delightful young man was talking nonstop about his shells and how _this one_ had a vein of pink in it and _this other one_ still had a piece of the creature in it that once lived inside. They were all really quite lovely so Alistair was momentarily surprised when the young man switched gears on him.

"Would you like to build a sandcastle with me?"

Alistair grinned at the excited expression on Jasper's face, "I would love to, what kind should we build? How tall? How grand?"

Jasper admitted bashfully, "Well… I don't actually want to build a castle at all. I want to build Theirin Tower! Like the one in Denerim. It's HUGE! Have you seen it?"

Alistair was struck for a moment before he smiled and nodded, "I have. Have you ever been inside of it?" They started building the foundation of the unique shaped building that decorated downtown Denerim as they talked.

"No. Have you?"

Looking around to make sure they were alone, Alistair whispered, "Can you keep a secret?"

Jasper nodded slowly, suddenly very serious.

"I have actually been inside of it-many times."

Eyes suddenly wide, Jasper asked incredulously, " _Really_? What's it like?"

As they worked, Alistair described the grandeur and opulence that permeated the inside of the most famous building in Denerim. Jasper asked questions, seeking very specific details; the maturity level of which impressed Alistair. As reluctant as he usually was to claim familial ties to the Theirin line, Alistair thought that this might be a place where his family connection might be of actual benefit to someone.

While they were putting the finishing touches on the top penthouse floors, Jasper asked, "How did _you_ get to see the inside? Mama says that only rich or important people get to go in there."

Grinning conspiratorially, Alistair whispered, "Well, here's another secret for you." He paused for dramatic effect. "My name is Alistair... Theirin".

Jasper's eyes got big, then grew even bigger with understanding and awe! " _Really_?" He almost shouted in his excitement!

Alistair tried to calm him from shouting so loud, "Shhh, it's true. My father is Maric and my half-brother is Cailan Theirin."

Jasper sat pondering what he was just told. Looking perplexed, he finally asked, "How can you have only half of a brother? Is the other half… sister?"

Alistair laughed, "No—he and I have different mothers. But because we share the same father, we are called, half-brothers."

"So do you live in the tower with your half… brother and father?" Jasper asked curious.

"No—I live in a loft not far from there though."

Jasper's eyes lit up with a sudden idea, "Do you think you could sneak me in so I could see it? The tower, I mean?! I'd _really_ like to see it! I want to build buildings like that when I grow up! I'm going to be a famous architect you know."

"I might actually be able to arrange that. We won't need to sneak you in though, but we will need to discuss it with your uncle and parents first."

His little face fell. "Oh, but if we ask them, then they'll know that you're a Theirin too; it won't be a secret anymore."

Alistair ruffled Jasper's hair, "It's ok; your uncle already knows and I'm sure you and I can come up with something else to keep secret about. Do you by chance… like cheese?"

Excited, Jasper exclaimed loudly, " _I love cheese_!"

They continued to banter as they worked-decorating the tower with the shells that Jasper so carefully collected. Looking wistfully over at the sparring ring, Alistair smiled to himself as he watched Cullen over exaggerate a fall to the sand; granting Stanton victory in battle."

Jasper suddenly asked, breaking his reverie, "Are you going to marry my uncle?"

Alistair coughed, then offered noncommittally, "That's a big question. We haven't been together for very long and it's not something we've actually talked about."

"But you love him, I can tell." Jasper said sagely.

Alistair looked from Cullen, to his little matchmaker, and back again.

 _Do I?_

Aloud he asked, _"_ How can you tell?"

"You look at him the way my dad looks at my mom." His smug little smile was all knowing.

"Hmm... and your parents have been together a long time, I take it?"

"All my life!" Jasper grinned with pride.

"Well, that certainly sounds serious and I'm flattered that you see similarities between your uncle and I and your parents. I can only hope we'll be so happy together after such a long and fulfilling relationship."

"So… you should marry him." Jasper finished his advice for the day, "That way, you could be my uncle too!"

Alistair chuckled, "I'm glad you approve. And maybe we will-someday. We'll just have to wait and see." He watched with appreciation the grace in which Cullen moved as he picked himself up off the sand, passed the swords to Sam who was heading back towards their day camp, and grabbed Stanton, flinging him over his shoulder as if he weighed nothing.

Joining Alistair and Jasper, Cullen noted their matching mischievous grins, "You two look guilty of something. Alistair, what are you up to? Getting into trouble again? Trying to corrupt my nephew perhaps? Mother Natalie did warn me about this, you know she would not approve."

Alistair feigned innocence but his smile was bright and his cheeks redder than normal, "Why Commander, so quick to judge? What happened to innocent until proven guilty?"

Setting Stanton down on his feet, he quirked an eyebrow, "I don't know, the evidence seems to be stacked against you. So… out with it. What kind of nefarious scheming are you dragging my nephew into?"

Jasper and Alistair looked at each other and grinned before turning their focus back to Cullen.

"Actually if you must know, I am the innocent party, young Jasper here seems to have grand plans for your future and was just filling me in on my part in them. We may need to watch out for this one." Alistair chuckled. "He's way too observant for his own good."

Jasper turned to Alistair, clearly betrayed, " _Traitor_!" He shouted, then proceeded to tackle him to the ground, tickling his ribs in retaliation.

Cullen and Stanton were laughing at Alistair who was on his back flailing under the tickling of the ferocious seven-year-old.

Turning to his nephew, Cullen asked, "What do you think young Templar, should we give aid? Or shall we stand here and watch the _traitor_ get what's coming to him?"

Alistair gasped for air from where he writhed on the sand, "Ooh, hey!—Stop it!—That tickles! Sir knights, please!" He begged, "Only you can vanquish this vile tickle beast. For I have not the strength or brave tenacity that you have! Oh-Heroes of Thedas, what would Andraste think of your apathy towards those in dire need!"

Hearing Andraste's name being invoked, Stanton stepped forward to play along, "Never fear, I am here to uphold the honor of the order!" He reached in and grabbed his brother by the waist, hauling him off of his victim.

Grinning, Cullen reached down and grabbed Alistair's hand pulling him up into his arms. He asked with mock-concern, "Are you hurt, fine sir?"

Alistair shook his head, "I am well enough thank you, though I fear what would have happened, had you two not come to my aid!"

The four of them dissolved into joyful laughter. Stanton set his brother back down on his feet, while Cullen had yet to release his charge. Smiling at Alistair, Cullen gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, which resulted in more giggling from the boys.

"Think that's funny do you?" Cullen laughed with the boys who were obviously enjoying their game. "What do you think Alistair? Think we should let them get away with giggling at us like that?"

"No, I dare say-that's a dunking offense," Alistair deadpanned.

Cullen smiled wickedly at his nephews, "I quite agree."

They took a sudden step forward towards the littles-threatening to chase them. The boys turned on their heels and ran screaming in the opposite direction.

Stealing a quick moment to themselves, Cullen pulled Alistair into his arms, "You look like you're having fun."

"I am, actually. I think we both may have needed a day like today. Thank you for bringing me." He leaned in and kissed him lightly. "So… shall we give chase?"

Cullen smiled, "I would love to."

They reached the spot on the sand where the boys were currently hiding behind their father just as Mia and little Emma joined them. Before they could try begging their mother for clemency, Alistair scooped up Jasper and Cullen grabbed Stanton then they both ran for the water amidst happy screams and giggles.

The four of them played in the water for a full half an hour; splashing, dunking, launching the younger two into the air to see how big of a splash they could make as they came back down again. Fully wet, covered in sand, and laughing whole heartedly, the quartet finally emerged from the water to flop breathlessly onto the blankets.

Mia laughed, "Have you boys gotten all the wild wiggles out of your system yet? Are you ready for some lunch?" She smiled knowingly at her husband after glancing at her brother and his boyfriend.

Alistair was enjoying the feeling of fingers running through his hair, as he lay there with his head in Cullen's lap. At her mention of food, he gazed up at Cullen and asked, "Did she say cheese?"

Cullen chuckled, "Perhaps you've been away from work too long. Your lack of cheese is making you delirious."

As she passed out food to everyone, Mia asked, "What is it that you do Alistair? Do you work for the Police too? I thought their _thing_ was donuts, not cheese." She teased her brother while tossing him their sandwiches.

Alistair smiled at the notion, "No ma'am, I own a little place downtown called Alistair's House of Whine and Cheese." He took a bite of his sandwich and moaned at how good it tasted.

"Is it a restaurant then? That would explain you jumping in so comfortably in the kitchen today."

He finished his bite, while shaking his head, "No, just a quaint little pub. Everyone who comes in is offered a tray of cheese and other nibbles. It's my hope that a little light sustenance at the end of a hard day, will bring their souls comfort as they whine away their problems." He chuckled then continued, "It's certainly nothing extravagant, but it's little things like that which set my pub apart from all the rest."

"So... how did you two meet? Cullen's never been the type to hang out in bars; and you don't seem the type to spend your time in trouble with the law. Or am I wrong?" Mia asked, a note of teasing in her voice.

Grinning affectionately down at Alistair, Cullen answered, "I may hang out at a certain bar more often than you might think. I still don't overindulge in drink; the view itself is intoxicating enough."

Alistair blushed at Cullen's complement, "We only met three months ago. There I was minding my own business, when in came this handsome stranger. Now, I'm not usually in the habit of hitting on my customers, but this one in particular, caught my eye."

Mia asked, "Three months?" She looked pointedly at her brother, "You've been seeing him for three months and I'm only just now meeting him?"

"Not exactly!" Cullen defended, "It took us awhile to uh… figure out that the attraction was mutual."

"Yeah, and don't forget the _not so subtle_ nudgings from our best friends." Alistair laughed self-deprecatingly. "Apparently we were both woefully out of practice."

"So you've met Dorian, then?" she asked with a chuckle. "I daresay, I'd love to know what you thought of him. Did you get to meet Bull too?"

"I didn't get to meet Bull, but I have had the pleasure of meeting the infamous Dorian." Alistair laughed while slipping a grape into Cullen's mouth.

Mia smiled as they unconsciously fed each other. She had never before seen her brother so relaxed and free with his affections with anyone other than family. He was always so guarded, it made her happy to see him letting someone else in past his usual stoic exterior.

"We met quite by accident." Cullen shared, "I was working a rough case downtown, following one dead end lead after another and was at a loss on which rock to turn over next. I found myself wandering the streets trying to burn off my frustration when I came across this place I'd never seen before. I'd skipped dinner so I decided to step inside to get a drink-if not food-before heading home. It was pure happenstance that pulled me through his door that night-not that I'm complaining at all." He gently stroked his fingers down the side of Alistair's cheek as he lost himself in his eyes, forgetting their audience momentarily.

Mia grinned at her brother who seemed to be at peace for the first time in years, "Well, whatever pushed you through that door, I'm glad that it did. You haven't looked so happy since the day our parents finally agreed to let you join the Templars for training."

Cullen smiled, gazing at Alistair. Whatever they were about to say was interrupted by a very excited seven-year-old.

He jumped up as he remembered, "He's a _real_ Theirin, mama! He said he could get me in to see the Theirin tower in Denerim." Jasper paused and looked between his parents and uncle. "He said it would have to be ok with you first though."

Mia raised an eyebrow, but otherwise said nothing about his lineage. She smiled at her youngest son and wiped a bit of sand off his cheek. "Jasper has been building things since he was first able to grasp a block." She looked at Alistair with cautious hope, "If you can somehow get him in to see what it looks like on the inside, I would be silly not to grant him the opportunity. When you can find the time, of course."

Cullen offered, "Maybe we could make a day of it and tour both the Chantry and Theirin Tower?" He looked to Alistair who was nodding and smiling his agreement before turning back to Mia. "Stanton can see where his training will take place and Jasper will get to see two beautiful historical buildings."

Stanton asked, "Can we see your pub too?"

Alistair laughed, "Sorry, it's not an official restaurant, so no one under twenty-one allowed. Not to mention, your mother would probably kill me if I took you into the bar during operating hours. However, there is a separate entrance to my loft upstairs, I have a full sized training ring up there, complete with practice swords. I bet you could give your Uncle a run for his money."

Cullen rolled his eyes and laughed. "I'd like to see you pitted against the little Templar, he may be almost as quick as you are."

"Is that a challenge, my dear? I'm sure I've a few tricks up my sleeve that will still surprise you." He grinned while sitting up, mischievousness dancing in his eyes.

Finished with their lunch, Alistair then looked at Jasper, "What say you, young sir? Are you up for a battle against your brother and uncle?"

Jasper looked excited, "With you on my team?"

"Of course!" Alistair agreed.

Jumping to his feet, Jasper punched his fist into the air, " _YES_!"

Cullen suggested, "Why don't you two set up goals at either end of the beach."

Alistair indicated the bucket of toys, "Care to choose your weapon, sir?"

Reaching in, Cullen palmed an old soccer ball hidden in the bottom of the bucket as Mia giggled from her spot on the blanket. Checking that it was adequately filled with air, he gave Alistair one last chance to change his mind. "You sure you're up for this? It's not too late to back out."

Mia tried to interject, "Alistair, you should probably know that Cullen…"

Cullen bounced the ball playfully off his sister's forehead then tucked it under his arm, "Hush you! He wants to play. I say we see how well he can keep up."

Before Cullen could finish his thought, the ball was gone from his hands and Alistair was off and running towards the _field_ that the boys just finished constructing for them. Dropping the ball to the sand, he began to kick it along the way, showing off a little of his fancy footwork.

Catching up to him, Cullen stole the ball and dribbled it a little way further down the beach. As they approached the center of the makeshift field, Alistair stole the ball one last time. Without using his hands, he popped it into the air and began to bounce it off his various body parts; knees mostly, but he used his head, shoulders and chest as well, never letting it hit the ground.

Grinning deviously, Alistair asked the boys. "So… which goal is the one Jasper and I are to aim for?" They both pointed down to the south end of the beach which happened to be directly behind him. Looking once over his shoulder and backing up to make sure he had plenty of room. Alistair caught Cullen's eye and winked before launching the ball high in the air, leaping up to meet it-foot-to-ball-in an elaborate back flip before landing effortlessly back on his feet again. Turning to look, he watched as the ball flew, bounced, then rolled precisely between the two sticks the boys placed as goal markers.

From her spot on the blanket, Mia clapped wildly, "Hey Cullen, I think you've finally found someone to make the game an effort for you!" She rolled with laughter at the dumbfounded look upon her brother's face.

Shaking off his surprise, he grinned, pulling Alistair into his arms. While he had him distracted, Cullen motioned for Stanton to go get the ball. "Show off." he whispered good naturedly.

"Only for you. Are you impressed yet?" Came Alistair's breathless reply.

Pulling him from his daze came a dejected little voice running down the field, "Awwww! No Fair! Hey Alistair, are you going to help me or what?"

Looking towards the other side of the beach, Alistair saw Stanton kick the ball through the other goal.

Kissing Cullen quickly before detangling himself from his arms, he chided, "You play dirty for a _Templar_ , I will remember that." Alistair ran to join the boys who were currently tussling over the ball's custody. Sliding through, he swooped in and scooped the ball away, racing towards the other end of the field. Cullen matched him step for step and left him no room for his usual acrobatics, though he was still unable to prevent the ball from going through the posts.

"Two for us. Will you need to cheat again to make that next goal?" Alistair taunted.

Stanton threw the ball back into play towards Cullen, his own footwork was calculated, steady, but not predictable enough for Alistair to manage to get the ball away from him either. Where Alistair was quick and acrobatic, Cullen was strong and meticulous. Both had their strengths that played very well against the other. Equal but different.

The game itself came out even, but they came to an unspoken agreement to let the youngest have the winning goal. Lining up Jasper for the final shot, Alistair coached him up to the line, the other two hung back feigning breathlessness to give him a chance to focus.

"How would you like to hit it in? This is your shot, let's make it good!" Alistair encouraged his little protégé.

"I want to hit it fancy… like you do!" Jasper exclaimed. "Only... no flips, I don't want to scare my mom. She worries you know."

Alistair nodded in understanding before offering, "How about I pass you the ball and you hit it in using your head."

Jasper looked nervous, "Will it hurt?"

"Not if you hit it here." Alistair indicated the top of his forehead. "I'll aim it there and you do the rest. Ready?"

"I guess, but don't kick it hard, ok?" Jasper said, sounding more than a little apprehensive.

"Warden's honor, Jasper. I'll toss it lightly." Alistair backed up, picked the ball up with his foot, and rested it on the top for a moment before lobbing it towards Jasper.

With a determined shout, he jumped, hitting the ball perfectly towards their goal.

As it cleared the posts, the other two finally _caught up_. Cullen cheered, sweeping Jasper into his arms and parading him around for high fives and congratulations on a job well done.

Mia was laughing and shaking her head as they approached the blankets with Jasper on their shoulders looking victorious. As they all settled onto the blankets, she took Jasper into her arms and snuggled him to her chest.

"You boys seem to be having a good time." Mia said to her sons. "I hope you've gotten it all out of your system for today though because we need to be heading home soon."

"Awe Mom!" Both boys said at once.

"Now, now. Uncle Cullen will be visiting us again this summer, won't he?" She looked pointedly at her brother before continuing, "And if he's a _good_ uncle, he will keep that promise he made to you."

"We will definitely see you again soon." Cullen reminded them with a smile. "Alistair and I will make all the appropriate arrangements for the tours. In the meantime, mind your parents and behave."

Sam came over and shook both Alistair and Cullen's hands before bidding them safe travels home. The boys approached next, giving them both hugs before collecting their things and following their father up to the house.

Mia came over last with Emma in her arms, "Thank you for sharing part of your day with us. Not that I gave you any other option," she grinned as she handed Emma off to Cullen before turning to Alistair. "It has been an absolute pleasure to meet you. Keep my brother in line for me, will you?" She hugged Alistair quickly, then finished with a wink.

"I will do my best. Thanks for everything today Mia, your family is beautiful." He responded, genuinely appreciative of her acceptance.

Cullen gave little Emma one last kiss before handing her to Alistair so he could hug his sister too. "I've missed you Mia, I'll try not to stay away so long this time."

"You better not, you have two boys who are expecting a tour of Denerim. If I were you, I'd make sure that happens before the summer is through." She kissed his cheek, "You pick the date and Sam and I will bring them to you."

"I think I can work within those parameters." Cullen grinned as he watched Alistair blowing raspberries on Emma's chubby little cheeks while she squealed with glee. When Mia had Emma back in her arms, he told her, "Don't worry about sending Sam back down for clean up, we will store the rest of the blankets and umbrella back inside the garage and lock everything up when we're through. You just be safe heading home."

"Thank you," She smiled affectionately at her brother, "Oh, and Cullen?"

He looked up expectantly.

"Take the main drive home please. I don't want to have to explain to the boys how you rolled your Jeep showing off for your boyfriend."

Cullen rolled his eyes, but nodded.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

 **Thank you all for sticking with me! I've recently done some restructuring with my later chapters and extended this little drabble (ha ha) to 32 chapters! If I continue on this weekly posting schedule, that means I will be keeping you company well into October! (and if my brain keeps working this way, we'll be finishing off the year together!) So buckle up! This is going to be a fun ride!**

* * *

I also want to thank my two beautiful beta's Connie . Flint & Ponticle! Thank you both for all of the time and energy you've selflessly put into my baby here! You make me a better writer and I'm humbled by your generosity!

* * *

 **Age Roll Call (from oldest to youngest)**  
Don't worry, you won't be quizzed later.

Sam Hart - 45 (if you're looking for my inspiration for him, google Sam Elliot in the movie Roadhouse).  
Mia Hart - 39  
Alistair Theirin - 38  
Cullen Rutherford - 37  
Stanton Hart - 10  
Jasper Hart - 7  
Emma Hart - 4 months


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary:**

All good things must come to an end!  
And what way to end the day!

This chapter brings you:  
beach time without the family  
and our eagerly awaited, return home!  
(well ok, **_I_** was eager)

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **NSFW**  
\- And we're back to our regularly scheduled programing. Here thar be: naughty language, innuendo, and a might bit o' happy fun playtime! I hope you enjoy! :)

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 14**

A Day at the Beach - Part 3

* * *

Cullen threaded his fingers through Alistair's as they watched Mia ascend the stairs with Emma. "I appreciate you putting up with my family today. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun." He looked at their hands and smiled at how perfectly they fit together.

Alistair pulled their fingers to his lips, kissing them gently before he placed Cullen's hands at the small of his back. Draping his arms over Cullen's shoulders, he grinned, "I know I promised to behave today, but now that we're alone, I just want to..." He finished that thought by chasing the closeness they'd been avoiding all day; kissing him deeply, passionately.

Coming up for air, lost in each other's eyes, their hands continued to gently caress one another. Cullen found his voice first, "Mmm, I think this still constitutes as behaving. I'm definitely not complaining. We have a few hours worth of daylight left before I take you home with me, is there anything you'd like to do before we pack up?"

"Other than the obvious?" Alistair quirked an eyebrow as he ran his hands over Cullen's chest, teasing one of his nipples as he passed over it. "I would be content to stay in your arms for the rest of the day, but this place _is_ breathtaking. I'm actually torn between this view," he placed a tender kiss on the corner of Cullen's mouth. "Or this view." Turning in his arms, Alistair faced the water and leaned back against Cullen's chest with their cheeks lightly touching.

Placing a lingering kiss on Alistair's cheek, Cullen held him close; breathing in time and enjoying the tenderness of the moment. "I am content with you here in my arms, but we do have limited daylight left, maybe we should make the most of our trip before we run out of time."

"I would love to explore." Alistair turned again, his eyes glistening with excitement. "Would you mind showing me around? I am in awe of how gorgeous it is here. A private beach probably has many stories to its name and I would love to hear about some of your favorite memories."

"And maybe make a few new ones?" he asked with a wink.

Alistair grinned deviously, "I wouldn't be opposed, but as you said… we only have limited daylight left and we are having another sleepover, so we can always save _those_ memory making experiences for later. I can be very patient with the right motivation."

"Worth waiting for?"

"Definitely worth waiting for." Alistair's lips met Cullen's and time seemed to stop as they savored the moment.

Grinning, Cullen admitted, "There may be a secret or two around here that I wouldn't mind unearthing for you. Let's take care of our camp first and then I'll give you the tour." He pulled Alistair in for another kiss, then reluctantly let him go. Together they folded up the blankets and umbrella and laid them at the foot of the stairs before heading off, hand-in-hand, down the beach.

They talked while they walked; Alistair asking questions and Cullen sharing stories about growing up with his siblings. Walking as far as they could to the south, they turned and headed back in the other direction, following the gentle curve of the waves as they crashed along the shore. Cullen talked about his parents' passing and the house being left to the four of them to share and keep in the family. They also spoke of chess matches, Mia being a sore loser, and the ultimate tantrum she threw when Cullen finally beat her at her own game. They discussed volleyball, soccer and how competitive the Rutherfords were when it came to their beach sports.

As they neared the north end of the cove, Cullen let their banter fade. Facing Alistair, he pulled him in for a quick kiss. One kiss led to more; tongues dancing together as they stood with their arms wound around each other-comfortable and content as the waves lapped at their toes.

In the silence of the moment, Alistair began to hear new sounds; different from the waves and seabirds that'd been singing to them all day. Breaking from the kiss, he cocked his head to one side. Listening intently, he began to hear the distinct sound of water splashing into water. He watched as a smirk teased at the corners of Cullen's lips and excitement danced in his eyes.

He looked around to try to find the source of the new sound. They were standing next to a dense crop of trees that at first glance, appeared to be impenetrable. Cullen pulled him in the direction of the tree's, brushing a large leafed branch to the side, a small trail became visible.

They walked for a few hundred yards along the narrow trail, the sounds of birdsong and splashing water becoming more prominent. Stopping suddenly, Cullen reached out and parted the leaves once again, beckoning Alistair through before him.

As he emerged on the other side, Alistair gasped in surprise. He scanned the clearing, taking in the splendor that surrounded him. He was looking at a clear, freshwater pool of water surrounded by thick lush greenery. The bright red, blue, and green plumage of the birds could be seen amongst the canopy of trees all around them. The splashing that he heard, came from the breathtaking waterfall on the other side of this beach oasis.

Feeling Cullen's arms wrap around him from behind and his lips brushing against his shoulder, Alistair whispered in awe, "I thought this was perfect before, but this… this place has been touched by Andraste herself."

"I'm glad you think so too. I've never actually brought anyone but family back here. This was always my secret hideaway. Growing up with my siblings, this place was always quiet; only the sound of the water and birds to keep me company."

"Did you come here often?"

Cullen shrugged, taking Alistair's hand, he led him closer to the pool, "I love my brother and sisters, but they were very loud. I would come here to clear my head. Of course, they would always find me eventually."

"You were happy here," Alistair asserted.

"I was. I still am. The last time I was here was the weekend before I left for Templar training. My parents wanted to have one last vacation together as a whole family. That was the last time we were all together, actually. It was so long ago, though judging by the well worn trail, it looks like someone else has taken to hiding back here now." Cullen let his eyes wander over the little oasis, "Would you like to see the best part?" He grinned sheepishly.

"You mean there's _more_?" Alistair looked around in disbelief. "How can you top this?"

Stepping up to the edge of the pond, Cullen looked quickly over his shoulder and winked before diving in.

Alistair watched in the clear water as Cullen swam towards the waterfall then disappeared beneath it. When he didn't return, Alistair realized that he was probably meant to follow; so he dove in after him, to find out what other wonders this place held.

Coming up for air on the backside of the waterfall, Alistair found himself inside a small cave that was carved into the side of the cliff. It was dark, damp, and much cooler than it was outside. The only illumination came from the golden glow of the late afternoon light as it shone through the flowing water and the softer glow of deep mushrooms as they gently lit the interior of the cave. The waterfall itself was the only entrance or exit to this magical hidden grotto.

Cullen sat on a ledge at the edge of the water with his feet dangling inside the pool looking quite pleased with himself. Alistair swam up to him and wrapped his arms around Cullen's waist while the rest of his body stayed submerged.

"My siblings had more trouble finding me in here." Cullen grinned mischievously. "Mia was the only one to actually ever succeed." Cullen put a hand out to pull Alistair out of the pool so they could explore the shallow cave within. "My last secret from my childhood home. What do you think?"

"This sure beats the shrubberies I used to hide under in the chantry gardens!" Alistair nuzzled in closer to kiss Cullen again. "This place is truly a paradise. And now I know where we should hide out the next time we need to ditch our responsibilities!"

Cullen chuckled, "Lana would probably still find us."

"That she would." Alistair grinned, "maybe if we bribed her just right, she'd let us get away with it though. At least, for awhile."

"I love the way you think and I'm glad you seem to like it here as much as I do. When we decided to come out here yesterday, this was what I wanted to share with you most." Cullen smiled sheepishly as they walked together back to the edge of the pool.

Alistair wrapped his arm around Cullen's waist as they sat with their feet dangling in the water. "This is perfect. Today has been perfect and you are…" capturing Cullen's cheek with his hand, Alistair claimed his lips instead of verbalizing the rest of the thought.

Sitting together on the ledge, they enjoyed the sounds of the waterfall echoing off the cave walls, the feel of their body's touching, their hearts connected. As time passed, Alistair began to shiver in the cool, damp air.

Cullen wrapped both arms around him to share his warmth. Kissing Alistair sweetly, he whispered, "I should probably get you back out into the warm sunlight."

"Oh I don't know, you seem to warm me up pretty easily. I'll take another of one of those kisses for starters." Leaning in, Alistair took comfort in Cullen's embrace before they slipped back into the water to swim through the waterfall. They splashed and played in the little pool for a while longer, before finally pulling themselves out to head back to camp.

As they gathered their belongings from the foot of the stairs, Alistair took one last look at the beach and silently thanked Mr. Chen for nudging them to come out here today.

* * *

They changed out of their wet clothes when they reached the cottage then sat down to eat a quick supper of Chinese leftovers before locking everything up tight and beginning their drive back to the city. The ride home was uneventful and seemed much shorter than the drive out that morning. Once they reached the apartment, Cullen offered Alistair a shower to wash off the remnants of the beach before they retired for the night.

"Barely through the door and already you're trying to get my clothes off. Whatever shall I do with you?" Alistair teased.

"I can think of a few things," Cullen grinned lasciviously as he set their stuff down and pulled Alistair into his arms. "We've been behaving ourselves all day, I think perhaps we've earned a little reward?" Cullen nibbled at the pulsepoint on Alistair's neck then peppered kisses across his jaw till he reached his lips. Kissing them chastely, he added, "Unless, of course, you're too tired. As much as I would enjoy making love to you tonight, I would be completely content to lay with you in my arms and kiss you until we drift off to sleep."

Alistair ran his hands up Cullen's back, "I think I'll take option number three."

"Which is?"

"All of the above." Alistair grinned, "And since I'm being so demanding; I believe I'll have you join me in that shower as well."

Cullen raised one eyebrow, "Mmm, I think I'd like that. And I think I like this assertive side of you; normally I'm the one giving orders. I'm a little out of practice at taking them."

"Oh, I think you _took it_ quite well-last night."

"We're not talking about giving orders any more, are we?" Cullen laughed, "And if I remember correctly, that was technically-this morning."

"Details, details; and no, we're not." Alistair grinned, "We never actually discussed our preferred positions; until you handed me the oil, I'd have taken you for a top."

"You can _take me_ any way you want me; I don't actually favor any one more than another." Cullen winked then kissed Alistair deeply. "Do you?"

"That is… good to know. And no, I don't... not really. I never thought I'd find someone who'd be willing to switch with me. Most people have a preference, but I... like a little variety."

"Oh, I have a preference. There's this gorgeous bartender that I've been fantasizing about for months now. And after the last few days… I'm beginning to suspect that he might feel the same about me"

"So, what gave him away?" Alistair asked breathlessly.

Cullen spoke softly, awe and devotion clear in his words, "It might be the way he takes my breath away when he talks to me; the sound of his voice, the sincerity of his words. Or it might be the way my heart speeds up when he touches me, or feels like it stutters and stops all together when he kisses me." He nipped at Alistair's bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth completely. "The Maker blessed me when he gave me to you," he finished on a whisper.

"And here I was the one feeling blessed, to have all of this," He vaguely indicated Cullen's whole being, "to share my life with."

Cullen removed Alistair's shirt, exposing his freckled torso. Moaning at the sight, he ran his hands appreciatively over the sculpted muscles, "You are incredible to look at, you know that? Even more incredible to touch and… " he leaned in, running his tongue up Alistair's neck, nipping lightly at his earlobe, "You taste..."

"—you sure that's not just the _beach_ you're tasting?" Alistair tried to deflect.

"I taste the sea, but underneath that is undeniably… you." Cullen kissed his way across Alistair's shoulder, over his clavicle, up his neck, and paused just over his ear. With a gentle breath, he whispered, "I can't wait to taste these ears again… see how far I can take you with them."

Alistair's breath hitched, pushing Cullen in the direction of the bedroom, he commanded "Shower!...Now!"

"Yes, Sir." Cullen grinned, "I love it when you get bossy."

* * *

They were extra attentive as they showered that evening. Thoroughly enjoying the way their hands slid over their slippery wet skin. Mouths and lips exploring while they washed one another's hair. Their bodies grinding languidly together, not yet seeking release, but appreciating the feeling of contact and connection.

After they washed, they stood under the dual shower heads, wrapped in each other's arms, kissing deeply, unwilling to leave the warmth of the shower just yet. They continued to rut and grind as their kisses became more urgent, their bodies more demanding.

Remembering his promise from before, Cullen suddenly grinned deviously. Pressing Alistair's body up against the shower wall to hold him in place, he ran his tongue up the outer ridge of that tempting ear.

Alistair moaned gutturally and wrapped his arms around Cullen like a vice. Tipping his head to the side, he granted access for more.

Alistair's ears were delicious. Every nip and lick, brought forth the most incredible mewls of desire from his luscious lips. Cullen couldn't get enough. He knew that they were sensitive, but this was a whole new level of erotic. Alistair's head was thrown back against the tile, his body, near boneless in Cullen's arms as he continued his assault on those ears; his mouth, teeth, and tongue on one, his fingers deftly pinching and caressing the other.

Wanting to maximize Alistair's pleasure, Cullen reached for his length with his other hand, only to have his wrist caught at the last moment.

"Too-much." Alistair panted, shaking his head minutely. "Just… ears. Fuck! I'm… so close."

Groaning at the sounds of Alistair's pleasure, Cullen directed his everything on those ears.

 _So fucking hot!_

His cock still untouched, Alistair tensed as his orgasm crashed over him. Cullen's arms, the only thing holding him up as his body was wracked with wave after wave of release.

Once his body began to respond to simple commands such as; 'stand up' and 'don't be a giant puddle of goo on the shower floor', Alistair's eyes focused on the incredibly handsome man who was smiling at him like he was the most precious gift on Thedas.

"Sweet Maker, that was incredible!" Cullen whispered in awe when he was sure that Alistair was once again steady on his feet. Gently brushing their lips together, Cullen rinsed them both clean before turning off the water and leading Alistair out of the shower. Wrapping a freshly warmed towel around his shoulders, Cullen dried Alistair's hair then pulled him in to hold him close. "I have to say… that was one of the hottest things I have _ever_ experienced!" Cullen's chuckle rumbled in his chest.

His body still thrumming with the aftershocks of his release, Alistair grabbing another towel to wrap around Cullen. Finally able to speak, Alistair admitted. "I knew they were sensitive, but I didn't realize that I could come that way. Maker! You truly are amazing!" Wrapped in their warm towels, they held each other close, kissing sweetly before heading over to the bed. Alistair lay Cullen down, grinning as he climbed shakily on top, "I hope you'll let me return the favor."

Kissing Cullen one more time, Alistair began to work his way down his body, circling his nipples with his tongue, nipping them gently with his teeth. He loved the responsiveness of Cullen's body as he worked his way lower. Every point of contact sent shivers through him or made him arch off the bed while gasping and moaning. Finally reaching the thick shaft of his rigid cock, Alistair ran his nose gently up the underside, breathing in his scent.

"Your body is beautiful!" Alistair said before taking the head of his cock into his mouth and running his tongue around the outside of it. "I daresay, I am becoming addicted to every bit of you." Taking Cullen's length in his mouth, he swallowed his considerable girth, humming in appreciation at how great he tasted.

The moans coming from Cullen were hypnotic-music to his ears-and he wanted to hear more. Wanted to be the cause of more. Taking his mouth from that beautiful dick, Alistair began to kiss his way down the shaft, circling his balls with his tongue, he tipped Cullen's hips up slightly so he could reach more with his mouth.

As his tongue found the puckered opening, he heard whisped exclamations coming from Cullen's lips. He wrapped his hand around the thick shaft as his tongue slid gently inside, teasing his entrance. The whispers turned to prayers and chants of adoration. Hips rolling with every thrust of his tongue, the songs his lover was singing, brought his own erection back to life.

He kissed his way back up Cullen's body. Claiming his lips once more then whispered, "I want you so badly. Want to be so deep inside of you. Need you—" Alistair's next words were lost as Cullen's mouth sought his hungrily.

As Cullen rolled over to grab the flask of oil that they'd left on the nightstand, Alistair grabbed Cullen's hips and pinned him-face down-on the bed. "Hmmm, I think perhaps… like this." Parting his cheeks with this hands, Alistair licked his way down the cleft of Cullen's ass until he found the still moist opening.

One hand still grasping the flask, Cullen moaned into his pillow at the slight intrusion of Alistair's tongue as it began to plunge into him again. The friction of his cock against the sheets was excruciating, but nothing was as sweet as the feeling of Alistair's tongue licking him open. He'd never experienced anything so stimulating. Feeling his hips being lifted, he made room for a towel covered pillow to be placed beneath them, trapping his dick between the bolster and his stomach. Chest and face still planted firmly on the bed, his ass in the air, Cullen happily accepted everything Alistair had to offer.

Removing the flask from Cullen's white knuckled grasp, Alistair breathed, "Maker, you're perfect, so open and pliant for me."

Cullen moaned impatiently, "Please… Alistair."

Alistair chided, "Patience, I don't want to hurt you." He spread the oil liberally on his fingers, pushed one inside, then two and couldn't help but smile as Cullen sighed and whimpered at his intrusion. He worked Cullen open with one hand and used his other to spread more oil liberally over the full length of his own cock, dribbling extra down Cullen's ass which he worked inside of him.

"You're not going to hurt me Alistair, you've already been inside of me once today already. Please just…" Impatience and neediness clawed its way to the surface as Cullen pushed back onto Alistair's fingers, "It's not enough." He growled.

Alistair removed his fingers and replaced them with the blunt tip of his cock, he slid in slowly and paused just inside that first tight ring of muscle.

Cullen tried to push back against him-to get him to go deeper-but Alistair's hands held his hips firmly in place.

As Cullen began to protest, Alistair slid quickly the rest of the way inside.

"Holy Fuck! Do that again!" Cullen begged, as he gasped to catch his breath.

Alistair chuckled. "Liked that, did you?"

Rolling his hips, Cullen moaned, "Hell yes… More!"

Aiming to please, Alistair slid almost all the way out with deliberate slowness before slamming back in again with a grunt of his own. After that they set a brutal pace-Alistair's hands gripping Cullen's hips tightly, ass in the air and face in the pillow, muffling his cries of pleasure.

It didn't take them long to reach the edge. Pulling Cullen up onto all fours, Alistair leaned over, resting his forehead between Cullen's shoulderblades. Cullen panted and moaned beautifully, grasping his cock with his hand, he tugged in time with Alistair's rapid thrusts. He thrust harder and faster, grunting and finally growling as he slammed into Cullen one final time; Alistair's body-rigid with his release.

Feeling the warmth of Alistair's come filling him, Cullen fisted himself firmly and joined his lover over the edge. The towel beneath him, catching his own excitement as he spilled out, saving the sheets once again.

Panting and breathless, they collapsed into each other's arms. Lips dancing together-worshiping each other-lost to the magic that was _them_.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Wow! Um... yeah. That was...  
I swear those two do this to me intentionally. I know I wanted to say something... Oh yes. YAY We finished this four chapter day! If anyone knows where I can find this beach in RL - please let me know, because I think I want to die there!

Thank you for sticking with me and cheering these two on through their playfulness, trepidations, and (ahem) steamier interludes. And as always, I want to share my appreciation for Connie_Flint and Ponticle for sticking with me, proofreading away all (most?) of my mistakes, and just generally keeping me focused and on task! (What a thankless job that is!)

Until next week, my friends! I just love a good morning after... ;)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary:**

Morning Routines  
Back to the Grind  
Alistair's Car  
and an Untimely Interruption!

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **This Content Rated Teen... so basically-safe for work!**  
Blessed Domesticity... (sigh) the boys have to go back to work, but not before an unhealthy dose of AWWWWWW.

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 15**

Damn It Jim!

* * *

The alarm started beeping at six-thirty Wednesday morning. Trying to roll over to turn it off, Cullen was caught by an unrelenting set of arms, pulling him back into the middle of the bed. Chuckling, he kissed Alistair on the nose before extracting himself enough to turn off the infernal alarm clock.

With a sigh, Cullen wrapped his arms back around Alistair and whispered, "Back to the grind today, sleepy head. As much as I would rather lie here with you all day, I better not press my luck. You are welcome to sleep as long as you'd like. I'll leave a key so you can lock up when you leave."

Tightening his grip on the painfully awake and way too verbal person next to him, Alistair mumbled, "S'ok. I'll get up with you. Just give me five more minutes of _this_." He nuzzled his way under Cullen's chin and buried his face into his neck.

"Since you're going to be so cute about it, how can I refuse you?" Cullen chuckled, pulling his lover closer and kissing him on the top of the head.

"Mmm-not." Alistair mumbled, burrowing himself impossibly closer.

They caressed and kissed each other reverently as the allotted minutes ticked by. Glancing at the clock, Alistair pouted before pressing his lips to Cullen's cheek one more time, "Ok fine, I suppose it's time to get up. Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it." He rolled onto his back, releasing Cullen to begin his day.

While Cullen performed his morning ablutions, Alistair sleepily made the bed, tossed their towels into the hamper, and generally tidied up from their last few amazing days together. When Cullen exited the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, Alistair growled with annoyance.

Grinning, Cullen raised an eyebrow, "Problem?"

Alistair eyed Cullen's mostly naked form, "You are too yummy and it's too early in the morning for me to be able to resist the temptation of that incredible body of yours."

Cullen pointed at Alistair from across the room, " _You_ need to behave because _I_ need to get to work."

"You are an incredibly evil man, has anyone ever told you that?"

Cullen smirked, "Maybe a cold shower would help your predicament?"

"Yeah, probably not a bad idea," Alistair sulked. Snagging Cullen's towel on the way by, he was granted one last glorious look. Accepting that he'd have to be content to look and not touch, Alistair trudged the rest of the way into the bathroom, relieved himself, then turned the water on to an uncomfortably cool temperature.

Emerging from the bathroom to an empty bedroom, Alistair put on his jeans, work t-shirt and shoes. He fixed his hair and stowed the rest of his clothes in his overnight bag before heading out to the living room to look for Cullen. He chuckled when he saw his lover crawling around on the floor with his ass in the air, looking underneath the furniture.

"Not that I mind the view, but did you lose something?"

"I'm still trying to find my shoulder holster from the other night," he admitted, "Any ideas?"

"I'm pretty sure that it came off at some point between you locking the door and our naked asses hitting your bed."

"Mmm - Good deductive reasoning skills you have there." Cullen rolled his eyes.

"Hey, I aim to please. Why don't you check the plant in the corner?"

Looking bewildered while crossing the room, he said, "The plant? But it's all the way over…" Cullen reached the corner and noticed something black wedged between the pot and the wall. "Now how did it get here?" He glanced at Alistair with a suspicious glint in his eye, "and how did you know?"

Grinning, Alistair shrugged as he watched Cullen retrieve then wrestle with the twisted straps of his holster. "I figured we were so careful with our phones and your gun, but the rest of our clothes were thrown off all willy-nilly. When we retrieved them the other day, we never actually made it that far and since your holster is made of a heavier leather, it would have traveled farther than our lighter clothes." Alistair finished helpfully.

Cullen pulled his arms through the straps, clipped it to his belt on either side of his hips, and adjusted it until it hung just right.

Alistair laughed, "I definitely don't remember all those steps getting it off of you. I must have been quite distracted at the time."

After it was secured, Cullen loaded his sidearm into its slot and began to straighten his clothes around the new addition, "I'd say so." Glancing up with a wink, he added, "I know I was. You do tend to have that effect on me."

Stepping in to assist, Alistair began to smooth out Cullen's shirt around the holster. As he reached for the tie to fiddle with the knot, he caught sight of Cullen's curious expression. Realizing what he was doing, Alistair tried to take a step back, "I'm sorry. Did that just get _weird_?"

Cullen caught him and pulled him to his chest with a smile. "Please don't apologize. I'll admit, that was… unusual, but only in that it felt so natural. So… normal-like we've been doing it for years instead of for the first time." Reaching up, he cupped Alistair's face, pulling him in for a quick kiss before continuing. "I'm having a hard time believing that it's only been a few days since I first kissed you. All of this just feels so..."

"Comfortable?" Alistair supplied.

Cullen nodded.

"I know exactly what you mean." Alistair resumed his attention to Cullen's shirt and tie and Cullen's hands came to rest on his hips. "I feel like I've done this a thousand times and yet, I can easily see me doing this a thousand more. There. All better." He leaned in, stealing a kiss as payment for his efforts.

Cullen asked with a smirk, "So… Lana sent you over here to get me out of your system. How's that working out for you?"

Alistair harrumphed, "Terribly! I'm already trying to figure out when I can see you again."

"How 'bout I come see you after I get off work today."

Alistair laid the back of his hand against Cullen's forehead, "You'd come in on a Wednesday? Are you sure you're feeling ok?"

Cullen laughed at the incredulous look on Alistair's face, "Thursday just seems so far away, I don't think I can wait. I know I don't _want_ to. And why are you so surprised? In the past week, I've completely blown my regular routine."

"Among other things." Alistair grinned unabashedly.

"You sure are cheeky in the morning!"

"Only before I've had my coffee."

"What's your excuse for the rest of the day then?"

"I just have one of _those_ personalities? And don't complain… you know you love it."

Cullen ran his fingers over the hairline framing Alistair's ears, being very careful not to touch them, "you certainly are something else, you know that?"

Alistair smiled sheepishly at the look of wonder and awe on Cullen's face. Closing the distance between them, he brushed their lips softly together. "Mmm - I could say the same. But apparently my snarkiness has gotten us off topic again."

"What were we talking about?"

"You blowing things?"

Cullen snorted.

"Ok, ok - we were discussing the unusualness of you coming over tonight and you were about to explain why I shouldn't be so surprised." At Cullen's stunned expression, Alistair added, "What?! I was paying attention. Now… you were saying?" he prompted.

"Right." Cullen cleared his throat, "I uh… Oh hell-I don't remember. I'm sure it was something to illustrate all of the changes in my currently 'non-existent' schedule and how it's somehow all your fault anyway."

"It usually is. Wouldn't be the first time I was accused of corrupting you with my indomitable influence." Alistair's grin turned mischievous, "I hope it's not the last either."

"I would hope not. I have been loving every minute of this." Cullen licked his lips before kissing Alistair soundly.

Catching his breath, Alistair whispered, "So, will I be seeing you around five-thirty then?"

Cullen shook his head. "I should probably hit the gym first. I'll be over after that, seven-thirty at the latest." He searched Alistair's face for any signs of disapproval. Some of his regular routines could be broken, but training was too important. It's his greatest ally when he's out in the field; some things just aren't worth skimping on.

Nodding his understanding, Alistair smiled, "You know, you're always welcome to use mine. If it's lacking something specific that you need, just let me know. I'm always looking for excuses to add more _toys_ to my collection." He said the last with a wink.

Cullen remembered the state Alistair was in when he answered the door last Sunday: half-naked and sweaty from his work out. "Thank you, I will keep that in mind. It may not be as much fun without you there to get all breathless and sweaty with though."

"Well then, we'll just have to arrange time for us to work-out together. I would love to get you in that ring anyway." He said with a wink. "I haven't had a good sparring partner in a while. The girls don't count, we've been fighting together for far too long. We all know each other's secrets. You however, keep surprising me at every turn."

A knot of worry formed in Cullen's gut as Alistair talked about the two of them squaring off in the ring. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt this man that was quickly becoming the world to him. "Let's figure out a time to work out later. As for sparring, don't you think it a bit unfair? I have been training, most of my life."

"Oh - I have found myself a cocky Templar! How interesting." Alistair crowed to the room at large, then he leveled his gaze at Cullen, "I will take that as a challenge _Knight-Commander_. How could my humble _Warden_ training be a match for the likes of you?" Alistair feigned being affronted as Cullen's cheeks heated up.

Remembering the fear he felt from Cullen when they discussed his Templar abilities, Alistair's expression softened. Cullen would need to be shown that he was capable of holding his own against him before he'd be comfortable sparring, he could work with that. He was patient. "You do know I'm teasing, right? My facilities are yours whenever you want to use them. I may only be able to work out with you on weekends, but that doesn't mean I won't steal away to come catch sight of you all hot, sweaty, and panting. That's a temptation, even _I_ don't have the wherewithal to ignore."

Visibly relaxing, Cullen leaned in for another kiss before they parted, "We'll see." Was all he said before grabbing his blazer. "For now, however, I need to be heading to work. Can I buy you coffee as I walk you to your car?"

"Mmmm, Coffee would be heavenly. How you wake up so bright eyed, I will never know."

"For starters, I don't usually work until two a.m. It makes it easier to wake up early when you go to bed early."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been keeping you up pretty late the last few nights and yet here you are all perky, even without any coffee. It's just… unnatural! Almost… blasphemous!" Alistair declared affronted.

"That might have something to do with who's arms I keep waking up in. I can't help but be happy when I'm with you."

"I uh… don't really have a comeback for that one. My lack of caffeine is hindering my wit."

"Then let's remedy that." Cullen grinned as he led him out the door.

On their way to the precinct, they stopped at Cullen's favorite spot for coffee and bagels with cream cheese. As they drew nearer to the station, he asked, "So, where are you parked?"

"I'm in the precinct parking garage. Do you have time to walk with me all the way in?" Alistair looked almost bashful as he asked.

"Doesn't matter what the clock says, I definitely have time to spare for you this morning." They bumped shoulders playfully as they walked into the dimly lit garage.

Alistair led him towards a dark blue, Mustang GT500 with thick dual white racing stripes running from tail to tip down the center of the car. Opening the trunk, he tossed his bag inside as a low whistle came from behind him.

"Very nice!" He looked at Alistair who was beaming at him for appreciating his baby. "And she suits you too. A classic Mustang complete with _Warden colors_." Cullen chuckled as Alistair's cheeks flushed.

"She has served me well over the years." Alistair said looking at his car affectionately. "Her name is, Shelby."

"It would have to be, wouldn't it?" Cullen smiled, "You don't think she'll mind sharing you with me, would she? I would hate to ever come between you."

Setting his coffee on the top of his car, Alistair turned and leaned back against the driver's side door, pulling Cullen closer to him, "I think she already approves. I did leave her in the company of uniformed officers after all. I'm sure she's had her fill of eye candy in our absence. She does enjoy a man in uniform. Something-I think-we both have in common." Alistair grinned, eyeing Cullen's usual work suit and tie.

Cullen set his coffee down next to Alistair's. Wrapping their arms around each other, Cullen whispered in his ear, "You have yet to see me in my… uniform."

Alistair's breath hitched, "I'm a little disappointed about that actually. I got to spend two glorious nights at your apartment, and not once did you model it for me."

Cullen rolled his eyes. "It is safely locked away in my weapons safe. I can't play all my cards so early in our relationship. I need to save some fun for later so you keep coming back for more."

"Oh, make no mistake, I definitely plan on coming back for more." Alistair said huskily as he leaned the rest of the way in to kiss Cullen.

Their coffee temporarily forgotten on the roof of the car, Cullen and Alistair lost themselves in each other's sweet kisses. Coming back to present, Cullen said breathlessly, "You know, I really should thank you for the last few days. They have been… amazing."

Alistair agreed, "And here I was hoping to thank _you_. Too bad it has to come to an end. I'd rather spend another day with you than walk into the mass inquiries waiting for me when I get back to the bar." He chuckled with amusement, "I'm betting that both Zev and Bela will be there to try to get all the steamy details from me."

"As long as they're not trying to borrow me, give them all the details you want. Why should Lana have to suffer alone after all?" He grinned with a wink.

They both laughed before Alistair added in all seriousness, "I'm not sure I want to give them any details, it might make them flirt all the more with you the next time they see you. You've met Isabela and have some idea of what she can be like. Imagine _that_ times a thousand for Zevran. He may have a good heart, but he was raised in an Antivan whore house-I'll let you piece together how bad his teasing can be."

"So I should be thanking you for protecting me from him last Friday then?" Cullen asked smiling as he remembered his first view of Zevran.

"Mmm, yes actually-though I believe you've done a fair amount of that over the last few days, so we may be even."

"I don't mind thanking you _more_." Cullen leaned in for another kiss. "I'm already going to be smiling through the entire day because of you, might as well enjoy it longer thinking about how I can continue to repay you later."

Pressing his body even closer to Alistair's, Cullen kissed him deeply, not yet wanting to part ways.

As they were distracted by each other's lips, officer Jim drove in and parked his car a few spots away. He paused briefly, close enough to identify the two men ardently embracing in the parking garage. Eyes wide with surprise, Jim snapped a quick picture of the oblivious duo and hurried just out of reach. Unable to contain it anymore, he snickered out a snarky, "Good Morning, _Commander_ …" before bolting towards the safety of the building.

Cullen stiffened then groaned as he relaxed again into Alistair's embrace. Burying his face in his neck, he mumbled, "He was snickering, wasn't he?"

"I think he was." Alistair giggled, "Still going to enjoy your day, my dear?"

Cullen stood up and took a deep breath, "The gossip is going to run rampant for sure." Looking into Alistair's eyes, he admitted with wistful determination, "But I wouldn't change anything. It's not gossip if I face it head on, right?"

"Does this mean that I don't have to come up with excuses to visit you anymore?"

"You can come see me whenever your heart desires. I have a lock on my door, remember?" Cullen grinned devilishly.

"Oh, that won't make them talk _at all._ " Alistair laughed.

Cullen chuckled as well, "Hey if they're going to be talking about us anyway, we might as well make it good huh?"

"My dear, you are full of surprises. Just think of the scandal as the headlines read: Commander couples with long lost Theirin in his office amidst giggles from Ferelden's Finest."

"Are we writing tabloid articles now? I have a media liaison that works for me: name's Tethras, I'm sure he could come up with something suitably scandalous for us." Cullen sighed, "I suppose I should head in, though, and face the music. For once, I think I'd rather play hooky just so I can spend another day with you."

"We'll just have to be content with seeing each other this evening. _If_ you don't mind the commute in the morning, you're welcome to sleep over. I wasn't kidding when I said I was becoming addicted to sleeping in your arms."

"I think I'd like that. I'll swing by my house after the gym and grab a suit for the morning."

Alistair took another look at Cullen, straightening his tie, and making sure his hair was all in place.

Quirking an eyebrow, Cullen chuckled, "Does my appearance meet with your approval?"

Eyeing him up and down, Alistair grinned, "You… _definitely_ meet with my approval, though if you really want to pull off this whole detective look, you need a hat."

"A hat? With my curls? I barely wore my helmet as a Templar." Cullen looked appalled, "You have no idea what that does to this unruly mop."

"I bet I could find you one that fits the part and complements the curls," Alistair offered helpfully. "But for now, I figured that since you're probably going to walk into snickers and innuendos anyway, I might as well send you in _not_ looking disheveled and recently slept with."

"Ah but I am. You've made sure of that these last couple of days."

"Yes, but they don't actually need to know all of the juicy details. Though they may be a little kinder about it than what _I'm_ about to walk into."

Stealing one last kiss, they parted reluctantly and went their separate ways.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

 **Damn It Jim!**  
That pesky scout... I mean, officer! - My little nod to Cullen's romance in DAI. ;)  
Next week's post will take us through the ribbings you know both of them are about to walk into.  
And after that... a couple of surprises! :)

 **Thank you all for your support and feedback! Special honorable mentions for my beloveds: Connie_Flint & Ponticle for being my rocks ~ to Lola Auditore for her last minute read through and input ~ and to Judy-you know who you are-You have taken a moment to comment on practically every chapter! I see you and I appreciate you for sticking with me and taking the time to always let me know that you're still enjoying it! Thank you thank you thank you!**

* * *

This is cross posted on AO3 with images of Alistair's Car as well as Cullen's shoulder holster. I also have a link on my Tumblr.

Come say Hi! I'm Aurlana on AO3 and Aurlyn on Tumblr.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary:**

Cullen gets his  
Alistair gets some too  
The razzing wouldn't be complete without a little Dorian sass to go with it!  
(minds out of the gutter people... this is a mostly 'clean' chapter!)  
I know... I'm sorry too.

* * *

 **Notes:**

The warnings in this chapter are mild: lots of snark and innuendo-Isabela/Zevran style-but otherwise everything is pretty mundane and safe for work.

Sorry for the late posting - Did you know yesterday was father's day? **HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!** Sorry I got waylaid and wasn't able to post. I will endeavor to make it up to you this week!

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 16**

Paying the Piper

* * *

Cullen watched Alistair pull out of the parking structure before making his way to the entrance of the precinct. Unable to wipe the smile from his face as he approached the doors: he shook his head, accepting his fate, and walked through them.

 _This should be entertaining!_

The first thing he noticed as he stepped inside was that everyone's heads were down, seemingly focused on their work. No one looked up to greet him, which was unusual and also unprofessional. If he'd been a civilian, their behavior would have been inexcusable. They weren't expecting a civilian though, they were expecting their Commander; and by the smirks on their faces and stifled laughter echoing through the otherwise quiet room, they'd been well and tipped off to his activities outside mere moments ago.

 _Damn it Jim! Well, I might as well get this over with!_

"Good morning, team," he said pulling their eyes up to him. "It looks like Jim's already had his fun at my expense this morning, so here's _your_ chance…" he paused to look each and every one of them in the eye, smirking at them all. "Ask your questions, poke fun, make your snide comments, do whatever it is that's got you all _pretending_ to work so hard while not actually doing any work at all. Let's get it out of your systems now, so we can all get on with our day."

The room was dead silent.

Cullen chuckled and pointed at the officer who always seemed to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, "Oh c'mon, Jim? You just caught me kissing _some guy_ outside, surely _you_ have something to say about it!"

Cullen heard one of his officers whisper loudly from the back, "Hey, Jim. Why don't you show him the picture you took?" Which was followed by more-not so subtle-laughter.

"Oh? There's a picture too? I must have been… too distracted to have noticed. Will someone please make sure I get a copy? I need to make sure he got my good side."

There was some uncomfortable scattered laughter around the room then Cullen's

phone vibrated in his pocket. Taking a quick look, his cheeks tinged a light shade of pink as his smile grew. It clearly showed them leaning up against Alistair's car with their distinctive forms pressed together. The embrace couldn't be mistaken for anything other than what it was: an ardent moment between two lovers.

He took a moment to set the picture as his wallpaper, "Not bad. Though next time, Jim, try to get more of him in the frame, I don't really need a picture of my own ass, thank you." He chuckled, then tipped his phone in a salute to the officer who'd sent him the image, "Thanks, Josie, quick fingers there."

"Anytime, sir." Came the voice of his officer in charge of diplomatic affairs.

Putting his phone away, Cullen returned his gaze to Officer Jim, who was shifting uncomfortably and looking around at his fellow officers for some sort of back-up.

"S...Sir, that wasn't just _some guy_. Wasn't that... _Mr. Theirin_ you were locking lips with out there?"

"Why... yes, it was! _Very_ observant of you. Perhaps, _you_ should try for detective next. Though, with how quietly you were able to snap that photo, perhaps I might schedule you for surveillance duty instead. Anyone else?"

Wynnie, the newest member of their team, asked, "Didn't he come in on Monday demanding that only _you_ could help him find something that'd been stolen from him, sir?"

At Cullen's affirmative nod, she continued, "Did you find it then? Was he thanking you with a reward kiss?"

Cullen laughed out loud. "Not exactly, Wynnie. Though, I appreciate you trying to defend my honor by offering me a way out." He winked at the wet-behind-the-ears, blonde recruit, causing her to blush. He then looked around the room expectantly,

"Really guys? That's all you've got? I'm giving you full access here, you can come up with something better than a way out for me. Where's your snark? Where's your sarcasm? I promise you, no one's job is on the line. C'mon people, you're Ferelden's Finest! Don't let me down."

"You caught yourself a Theirin, huh? The Commander aim's high!" Josie high-fived the officer on her right.

Smiling affectionately at the group, he encouraged them further, "Yes, yes and loving every minute of it. That's more like it-who's next?"

The office flirt, Kelvin, piped up, "Were you _really_ in the field yesterday, Commander? Or were you 'playing the field', sir?"

Cullen chuckled, "Nice! We were at the beach, actually. Alistair and I spent the day with my sister and her family. Why? Do you like my tan or did you just miss me?" There was collective laughter around the office as he looked around for the next taker.

Jim stood up again, "That car has been parked in the garage since Monday, sir. Did you two spent the last _two_ nights together?"

"Three, but who's counting?" Cullen grinned.

Josie's voice chirped, "Jim was!"

Thom, the usually stoic office veteran, weighed in, "Alistair, sir? Not, Mr. Theirin? It sounds like things have gotten serious quickly."

"Do you picture us calling each other, Mr. Theirin and Commander when we're alone?"

An unknown whisper came from somewhere in the back. "Alistair probably calls him _Commander_ in the bedroom."

Still smiling, Cullen's voice grew serious, "and _that's_ where I need to draw the line. Alistair and I are…"

" _Caboodling,_ sir?" Kelvin offered.

Cullen coughed to cover his discomfort, "I was going to say, 'in a relationship'. As I will not inquire into the intimacies of any of _your_ relationships, I will expect the same courtesy from you, regarding mine."

Thom smiled behind his thick beard, "You really like this guy, huh?"

"That is a definite understatement." Cullen's smile softened as he slipped his phone out of his pocket to glanced once more at the picture.

Clapping his boss on the shoulder, Rylen congratulated him, "Good for you, sir. We may give you shit, but it's only because we're all happy for you."

"Thank you, Rylen."

Varric chimed in, "Yeah, Curly-the happier you are, the easier our lives will be!"

"I'll let you think that for now, Varric. But be warned, I may take that as a challenge-so you might want to do your best to keep this out of the headlines." Cullen looked at his media liaison pointedly who groaned and scribbled out something on the notepad in front of him.

Toni, the Qunari responsible for interrogations and intel, grumbled, "You're kinda taking all the fun out of this, sir."

Chuckling, Cullen admitted, "Yes, that was kind of the point. Now if there are no more questions or smart ass comments…"

"Just two more, sir." His lieutenant smirked.

"Yes?"

Rylen grinned, "First off, you were _late_ again, sir." He elbowed Cullen in the ribs who just rolled his eyes, "and secondly… I thought you were supposed to bring us donuts today."

Cullen crooked a smile before answering, "Considering that this is no longer a secret, Rylen, I don't see why I have to pay up. I've also been caught _kissing_ Alistair; I don't see how holding a little _giggle_ over my head could be much worse." Having taken away the last of Rylen's ammo, Cullen patted his shoulder, "The cat's already out of the bag, Lieutenant. Bribery will only get you so far." He finished, laughing.

Jim groaned from his desk, "Rylen _knew_?! That lucky…"

The team erupted into scattered laughter and jovial teasing.

Cullen finally cut in, "All right… don't you all have work to do?"

He walked towards his office laughing-his heart happy and focus returned. Cullen was content to know that he was going to get to see Alistair again that evening. It was enough to carry him through.

* * *

Alistair pulled into his parking spot just past eight. Noting the time, he chuckled at Cullen's precise knowledge of how long the trip would take. Opening the side door to the bar, he was hoping to enjoy a quiet morning by himself, before having to face the interrogation of his friends during their prep-time that afternoon.

As Alistair climbed the darkened stairwell and reached to slide the key into the lock, he paused, realizing something was amiss. Some would joke that his spidey senses were tingling, but it wasn't that refined. He could definitely tell that he wasn't alone though. Turning to his left, he identified a distinct outline lurking in the shadows.

Resigning himself to do this now, he beckoned his friend forward, "Good Morning, Zev."

Stepping into the light, Zevran quirked his mouth in amusement, "Good Morning, amore mio*. I thought for sure I had you that time. You were so deliciously distracted, you nearly walked right by me."

"You have to try much harder to hide around me, you sneaky... sneak-thief." Alistair waggled his finger at him.

"So it would seem." He chuckled, "I hope you didn't think you were going to get a peaceful morning to yourself, did you? Perhaps spent in various bendy yoga poses, ruminating on your last few days with your strapping Commander? … Ah, the color in your cheeks tells me that's exactly what you were planning! Well, I hate to disappoint you friend." He paused then continued with an unapologetic shrug, "No… actually, I am quite enjoying this! Truth is, we are all _dying_ to hear the lurid details of your most recent rendezvous. I _must_ insist that you join us!"

Alistair sighed, "Does it have to be now?"

"Why not now? Did dearest Cullen keep you up late last night? No, wait, don't tell me - you'll only have to repeat yourself anyway. Here let me take your things and put them inside for you. Be a good boy and head on downstairs so we can begin properly." Zevran took Alistair's bag and keys then shooed him away.

With a groan that resembled a whine, Alistair slumped his shoulders and trudged back down the stairs to face the music. Walking into the main room, he noticed Lana sitting next to Leliana at a table; their hands entwined and their foreheads leaned together intimately. There were three other chairs at the table with a cup set before every spot; a pot of tea and a carafe of coffee sitting in the center, just waiting to be poured. Bela was in the corner throwing darts, and though she seemed bored and unfocused, Alistair could tell that each and every dart hit the center mark.

Leliana gushed as she caught sight of him, "Oh look, love! He's positively glowing!"

Alistair wiped his hands down his face, "Really? All of you at once? No wait- _don't_ answer that! Bella-I know where you were going to take it and the answer is still a resounding, no!" He took a deep breath before asking, "Do we have to do this now?"

Bela released another dart, looking a little dejected that she didn't even get to offer, "Why? Did you have something _else_ you'd rather be doing? The bar doesn't open for several hours yet, and your sweet Commander is too far away to rescue you. I'd say that this is a good a time as any to uh… _drill_ you for information." She finished with a seductive wink.

Zevran entered, "Who are we drilling? Has he started talking about that part yet? Please tell me I haven't missed anything-juicy!"

Leliana reassured him, "No, Zev, we haven't even begun. You're right on time."

"Oh Good! I want to watch him blush as he remembers the sweet caresses of his tall, strapping Commander." Zevran's grin grew even larger as Alistair's face did just that.

"You two weren't wearing much when we brought you breakfast. So... was he as good as you'd hoped he'd be?" Bela asked, loosing another dart.

Alistair tried _not_ to recall the details of the weekend-for Lana's benefit, if for nothing else, but he couldn't help the heat that rushed to his cheeks.

"So are you ready for me to teach you those massage techniques yet?" asked Zevran. "Those skills may come in handy in the future. Or perhaps I should give your handsome Commander a lesson or two?"

Unable to help himself, Alistair responded defensively, "I've already had a massage-thank you-I don't think Cullen needs any instruction in that area."

Leliana began, "Oooh, a massage, huh? That's promising! Was there lots of oil involved?" She asked coyly.

"You _do_ know that they make different types now, don't you?" Zevran interjected, "Some taste delectably sinful while others smell positively divine. Then there are those wicked little treats that warm to the touch and cool to a chill if you so much as breathe on them." Zevran licked his lips thinking about them.

Alistair didn't respond, but made a mental note for later.

Bela wasn't going to let it lie. Sauntering over, she leaned her hip against Alistair's chair, running her hands through his spiky hair. "So, my dear, Warden. Did your luscious Commander… "

 _Shit, here it comes._ Alistair rolled his eyes and braced himself for the onslaught.

"…protect and _serve_ you? Read you your rights? Hold you against your will? Provide justice until he permitted your… release?"

He groaned, knowing that she was just getting started.

"Or did he, perhaps, tickle your fancy? Grind your gears? Float your boat? Flick your bic? Sail your seas? He was a Templar right? Did he worship your altar? Drink from your cup? Praise your piston? Chant your light?"

Zevran was leering wolfishly as he continued where she left off, "Did you two do the deed? Polish each other's swords? Do the horizontal mambo? Declare your undying love for each other? Swoon in each other's arms? Whisper sweet nothings in each other's ears?"

Alistair was holding strong until Zevran mentioned the ears. That made him close his eyes and visibly shiver remembering vividly their shower the night before.

Lana grinned and her ears turned flaming red at that particular memory.

Running his fingers over his own ears, Zevran chuckled knowingly, "Ah, the ears have it! I should have known. So did you tell him your little family secret? Or does he think you just have incredibly sensitive ears?"

"He knows of my mother." Alistair admitted, though didn't elaborate further.

"Oh c'mon Alistair, you have to give us something to go on here! You're all glowing and heart-eyed! Is he everything you ever fantasized about?" Bela pouted. "You owe me-by the way-I covered your shift so that you could play with your new toy!" She stomped her booted foot to accentuate her mini-tantrum.

Rolling his eyes, he acquiesced, "If you must know, the last few days have been beyond what I could ever have hoped for. Cullen is…" He tried to search for the right word as his friends' eyes were glued to him. He finally came up with, "... _perfect_."

The group let out a collective sigh.

Uncomfortable with their rapt attention, Alistair shut down, "Having said that, I don't plan on soiling any of those memories by sharing them with the likes of you."

"So I get to suffer alone until he comes in tomorrow huh?" Lana's tone was petulant, but she continued to smile at her best-friend. If he was happy, that's all that mattered to her.

Alistair suddenly grinned, "Actually… he'll be in tonight."

Leliana looked up surprised, "But it's Wednesday! He never comes in on Wednesdays!"

"He'd never been in on a Friday or Sunday before either. Now if you are all through with me, I've got some things to do before our prep time this afternoon."

Alistair's phone chimed in his pocket indicating a new text message. Looking at the screen, he chuckled at the image Cullen sent him.

"What's so funny?" Bela asked.

Alistair flipped his phone around to show his friends, "It looks like we were caught saying goodbye this morning. Ok well, I already knew we'd been caught-I didn't realize that there was photographic evidence." Setting the picture as his background, he tipped his head to the side as he appreciated the view of Cullen from behind.

 _Mmmm-I'll have to thank that officer later._

* * *

Cullen was sitting at his desk, trying to unbury himself from the stack of paperwork that had amassed over the last day and a half. Finally, able to focus, he was actually making progress.

At just past two, the phone on his desk rang. "Commander, Rutherford," he answered professionally.

"Amatus!"

"Dorian? To what do I owe this honor?... Hey wait, why are you calling my desk phone? Why didn't you text me first?"

"I figured after you played hooky yesterday, you'd be tied to your desk today making up for lost time and I didn't want you to be able to ignore me."

"I would never ignore you! Hey, wait a minute - how did you know that I took yesterday off?"

"I have my ways, my dear. A little birdy may have told me that you took Alistair to the beach. How did he like the beach house?"

"It didn't go exactly as planned, but it was still a fun day even with Mia ambushing us." Cullen added petulantly.

"Oh-ho! That's my girl! So how did _that_ go? Did she approve of your Alistair?"

"I think she did, actually. Samuel and the boys were there too and I finally got to meet Emma. Everyone seemed to get along easily, so I'd call that a win!"

"The new baby? How is she?"

"Just beautiful… You'll be happy to hear that she has my curls."

"Oh I hope they're blonde like yours too!"

Cullen laughed, "They are."

"Oh, be still my heart! Daddy better buy his shotgun now! That girl's going to be a heartbreaker." Dorian laughed, "So… Did you bestow your blessing upon her?"

"Did you really think Mia would let me get away without it?"

"No… No, I didn't." Dorian chuckled, having been there for Jasper's blessing. "And how are the boys doing? Are they running the house yet?"

"Nah, Mia got lucky with those boys. Jasper is still busy building with anything he can get his hands on. And Stanton… Damn Dorian, Stanton is something else and he's been practicing so hard!"

"He still wants to be a Templar?" Dorian asked with trepidation.

"He does and he'll be old enough to start his training this winter. I told him that I'd set up a tour of the chantry for him. You should see him; his footwork, it's damn near perfect! When did those boys get so big?"

"That's what kids do, amatus. That's what kids do. So how are _you_ doing with all of this? Still being the ever-supportive uncle?"

"As best as I can be. Some days are easier than others though. I see the excitement in his eyes-that same fire I used to feel… and I miss it. His passion to serve rivals mine when I was his age and I want to support that! I _really_ do. I just…"

"You've witnessed the other side of things. You've seen the corruption and the absolute abuse of power that no one should ever experience. You want to… protect him from having to go through what you did."

 _Way to not pull punches, Dorian._

Cullen closed his eyes and breathed. Deep breath in through his nose; two, three, four, five. Hold it. Slow controlled breath out through his mouth: two, three, four, five.

Dorian listened to the familiar calming technique. Cullen didn't seem in crisis, so he let him continue, waiting patiently for him to finish his fifth breath. "Cullen?"

"Yeah, Dor?" came the calm, even reply.

"You ok?"

"I am… and you're right." Cullen let out his breath slowly.

"I'm proud of you, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"Despite all that you've been through, you've managed to maintain your faith. Your devotion to the Maker has been unflinching. Even at your darkest, you found strength in his light. Stanton's lucky to have you."

"My fight isn't with my beliefs, it's with the corruption within the system. How do I protect him from that? How do I teach him what to stay away from? What to look out for? How do I-"

"You do what you've always done Cullen. You be there for him. You fought through most of that alone. You internalized a lot of it because you had no one to talk to. So… be there for him. You still have the access, drop in - say hi. Surprise the hell out of Mia and write a damn letter once in a while."

Cullen laughed.

"His faith may emulate your own-his path as clear to him as yours was once for you-but that doesn't mean that he'll face the same trials and tribulations that you faced."

"Maker's grace, I hope he doesn't!" Cullen prayed adamantly. "But what if during his testing, he gains his true sight? What if he becomes an Awakened-Templar, like I did? I can't protect him from those horrors."

"No… no you can't. You can't stop it from happening either. If he is meant to have the sight… it will happen, whether he joins the Templars or not. All you can do is be there; talk to him, help him, guide him. Let him know that he's not alone and then…. let the Maker guide him."

Cullen nodded at every one of the points; Dorian wasn't saying anything that they hadn't discussed before. "You should have seen him, Dorian… He could be one of the best! He's not even eleven yet and his stance is strong and true; he barely needed any correction. Then when he talked about the Maker and Andraste-the love that radiates from him is immense. It's… beautiful Dorian. Damn near brought tears to my eyes."

Dorian softened his voice, "I know another Templar with faith that true… apparently you haven't looked in the mirror recently. I'm sure Alistair could tell you that he sees the same thing when he looks at you."

"I'm not a Templar anymore Dorian." Cullen's tone turned dark, this was still a point of contention between them.

 _I failed at being a Templar… I couldn't hack it, remember?_

"A part of you always will be. I bet you still pause and pay your respects before exiting the chantry. Don't you?"

"Of course I do, that's just simple respect! But how can I support Stanton in a life that I can no longer see myself living? A life that I've actively separated from amidst much publicity and upheaval. No one leaves the order, Dorian."

"But _you_ did and for valid reasons. You even managed to do it without publicly denouncing anyone or burning your bridges. You kept the peace and still maintain connections."

"Those bridges weren't mine to burn; my path isn't everyone's to walk. For some, the chantry is all they've ever known; it's the only thing keeping their head above water. Just because I decided that I didn't need it and would be better off without, doesn't mean it was my place to take away other's comfort."

"You could have, though. What they did to you alone would have been enough to rock the boat. You could have-single handedly-brought down the chantry infrastructure in Ferelden if you had gone public. But you are a good man. You understood that what happened to you was a byproduct of someone else's power play. That person was punished. The other people involved are no longer in power. You were given compensation, pension, and allowed to walk free from all of it while maintaining your honor and status. I don't know anyone else who could hold their head so high after all that. I've never met anyone else who so effortlessly wielded that kind of honor and dignity."

"It wasn't easy."

"I know. I was there, remember? And look at you now. You ask how you'll be able to support Stanton in this path? You'll do what you've always done. Follow your heart. You will support those boys in whatever paths they choose. You don't have to have the same passion for architecture that Jasper has to support him. The same goes for Stanton. At least with him, you've walked in those shoes. You will love and support each of them, no matter what their choices in life. That's what family does, amatus."

"You're right, Dorian. Jasper's going to walk his path and perhaps be a famous architect one day. It's his own to walk. Stanton wants to walk in Andraste's light and I will be here for him every step of the way to be his support and guide. It's just… going to be hard."

"Life is hard Cullen. You-better than most-know that to be true. And look how far you've come back from that brink! When I met you, you could barely carry on a full conversation before you would collapse with flashbacks. You found your strength; you fought through hell. And now look at you. Happy and in love with a hot little redhead."

"I don't know that we're in love yet, Dorian. We've only just started dating."

"And sleeping together… and you've already taken him to meet your family."

"That was under duress. I was totally tricked into it."

"And he was accepted by them. If Mia approves, you know no one else could ever say anything about him. He's already family. And don't forget, amatus, I've seen the way you two look at each other. The rest will fall into place; all you have to do is let it."

"Letting go has never been easy for me. And how did you know all that about my trip to the beach anyway?"

Dorian coughed uncomfortably on the other side of the line.

"Dorian…. What did you do?"

"Me? Why does it always have to be me? It was your sister's fault!"

"Mia?"

"She called me as soon as she got home… wanted to… compare notes, as it were."

"But, why you?" Cullen asked incredulously.

"She said that Alistair mentioned that we'd met, so she wanted to get a second opinion. You may have to be careful there, Amatus; she's going to have your wedding planned before you know it."

"Shit, really? So uh… I guess that means she really did like him?" Cullen couldn't keep the notes of elation from his voice.

"' _Liked him_ ' might be an understatement. I swear she kept going on and on about how good he was with Emma and the boys. And don't get me started about her impression of you two _moon eyeing_ each other. Maybe I should have you tell me what exactly happened that day from your perspective… but for now, I think I shall let you go. I've given you lots to think about."

"Yes Dorian… yes you have. Thank you for everything."

"Anytime, Cullen." You know I'll always be here for you."

"Yeah, I do. Thanks."

* * *

 ***Amore Mio - My Love**

(remember my Zevran is Italian not Spaniard)

* * *

 **A/N** \- The third section here is for **Theza.** Did I answer your question here darlin'? I know I haven't gone into the meat of what the hell happened to Cullen, it's coming, I promise! In like 15 more chapters… but it's coming! Don't hate me! Or hate me but continue to love the story - I can roll with that too!

* * *

 **End Notes:**

 **I appreciate everyone who's stayed with me this far! Thank you for letting me share this little obsession of mine with you!**

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints. You gals are the best at keeping me motivated and getting me over my humps!  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!  
 **Lola Auditore** \- My last minute reader/polisher and all around supportive cheerleader!

 **I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!**

* * *

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing! So much so... that I think this might be one of those ****bonus**** weeks! Keep your eyes peeled, I'll be posting something extra in the next couple of days. (haven't decided if it's going to be here or in the one-shot thread for this universe... I may let my muse decide) ;)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary:**

Sometimes cases do NOT have happy endings. Occasionally Cullen has to deal with those days. Thankfully he now has Alistair to help him through his grief.

* * *

(I also posted 2 bonus chapters this week in the series. Go check out my one-shot section for Cocktails & Cheese to find them! They both take place between chapter 16 and 17)

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Trigger Warning:** Child abduction, death of a Child/Death of a family, self loathing, self depreciating inner monolog, self harm of sorts.

 **The next couple/few chapters are going to be intense. I haven't decided yet if this is going to be a two or three week posting. There will be graphic descriptions of what happened during Cullen's current case as well as some flashbacks to part of where his PTSD came from.**

If you'd like to read this chapter but skip the more painful parts, I will put them between double lines to make them easier to identify and avoid. I will also post a 'safe' summary of what you missed at the bottom in my end notes, so you can still get the gist of what's going on. If you need to skip this section all together, I understand. I'll see you again once Cullen's **Bad Day** is over!

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games,**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 17**

\- Bad Day Part 1 -

* * *

It was a slow day at the bar in early autumn. Leliana was on stage, singing to the few patrons that had trickled in after work on an almost dead Thursday night. Lana was making the best of serving them while listening to her wife's golden voice and Alistair-was going stir crazy. He hadn't seen Cullen in four days and was feeling his absence terribly. He'd received a few text messages on Monday letting him know that he was on a new case and probably wouldn't have much free time until it was solved. There were a few spattered messages after that just to let him know he was still in Cullen's thoughts, but it wasn't the same. Alistair missed him.

The door opened around seven-thirty and Alistair's heart skipped a beat when he saw Cullen come in. Then it plummeted. He'd never seen Cullen look quite so harrowed. There were dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn't been sleeping; his hair was loose from its normal confines with a few errant curls draping over his right eye. His whole body looked simultaneously wound up tight-ready to explode-and incredibly defeated. He was dressed in his usual work clothes, but had his gym bag slung over one shoulder.

Cullen trudged over to his usual spot at the side of the bar but didn't sit down.

Alistair met him there, "Hey, are you ok?"

Eyes cast down, he sounded just as defeated as he looked, "Not really, no."

"Is there anything I can do? Would you like a drink?"

"No drink." Cullen actually shuddered, "I was hoping I could burn off some steam?" He pointed upstairs, "I _would_ go to my gym, but nobody needs to see me like _this_ -and yours is _private_."

Alistair reached for Cullen's hand across the bar. "It's yours." he squeezed his fingers gently. "Make yourself at home; I will be up as soon as I can get away."

Cullen flipped his hand over and squeezed Alistair's back. Leaning across the bar, he placed a light kiss on Alistair's cheek and choked out a quiet, "Thank you."

Catching sight of Lana on his way to the back room, he noticed that her eyes were misted over with the pain that he was feeling. The pure horror and understanding of what he'd witnessed earlier in the day was written plainly on her face causing him to stop in his tracks.

He approached her slowly while attempting to clear his head, "I am so sorry, Lana. I… didn't think. I never meant to share this. Please-forgive me."

Unable to speak, she touched his cheek and nodded her head, letting him know that she understood and they were fine.

Taking a deep breath, Cullen leaned into her touch, "I know he's going to want to come check on me, but I need time to work through this, get it out of my system, and find my control. Will you keep him down here, please? I am _barely_ hanging on and I don't want to hurt him..." Cullen struggled to find the words. Instead, he let Lana see the image in his head that he feared most: uncontrolled rage, blind to his surroundings. Smiting his attackers only to find an innocent family had been hit in his crossfire. The young girl dying in his arms. The image of that girl changed and was replaced with Alistair; broken and bloody.

Lana wrapped her arms around him tightly laying her head on his chest. She held him close for just a moment before she pulled back to look into his eyes, "You have more control now than you did back then. What you fear will _never_ come to pass." She said it quietly but with so much confidence that he _almost_ believed her. "I will do my best to keep him down here for you. And don't worry about me, I've been hit with worse. It's never easy to see someone you care about hurting. It took me by surprise, that's all. We are _all_ here for you Cullen, should you need us." She touched his cheek one more time before letting him pass.

Alistair watched Cullen walk away-sullen and melancholy. Based on recent news, he could guess the cause: a particularly horrifying case. What he couldn't conceive, though, was the right course of action: should he try to intervene? He wanted nothing more than to wrap Cullen in his arms, but he'd never seen him react like this to anything. He was always so calm, cool, and collected. Alistair was at a loss.

The look of horror on Lana's face convinced him that he had to do _something_. When he approached her, she was still wiping tears from her eyes.

"Hey. You ok?"

She tried to smile. "You should know me better than that, Ali. Of course I'm ok."

"He's hurting."

"Yes, I know. He'll be ok too. This is how he copes."

He wanted to ask her for details, but he knew she wouldn't share them. "Do you think I should…"

"No!" Her vehemence startled him. "Stay here. He just needs time. I will let you know when he has calmed down and is ready to talk. You need to trust me!"

Alistair looked toward the stairs with longing, "I do trust you. I just want to help."

"Please Alistair, let him be for now. This is a safe place for him: he knows this. He came here over any of his other options. You have no idea how big that is for him."

Alistair shrugged. "I've never seen him so-lost before. He looked haunted. The only other person I've seen look like that was _you_ right before we _retired_ from service."

Lana took a shaky breath, "Yes, I am fully aware. It will be okay, Alistair. He _will_ be okay." She held his eyes a moment longer until he nodded in acceptance, then she hugged him tightly. "If I can come back from that look, I _know_ he can too."

Alistair wasn't sure if she was trying to reassure herself or him, but he did as she asked and went back to work.

* * *

 _Double Line Start_

* * *

Cullen let himself into Alistair's loft with the key he'd been given over a month ago. He didn't deserve to have his own key. He didn't deserve Alistair.

 _I can't even do my own damn job!_

Dropping his keys, wallet, and phone onto the tray on top of the credenza, he kicked off his shoes and left them in their proper place by the door, then carried his bag into the room.

He'd spent so much time here recently that it felt like home. It was warm, welcoming and held so many fond memories for him. Feeling as he was, it only made his heart hurt more.

 _Who am I that I deserve to live and be happy when her light was snuffed out before its time. Her family mourning the loss of their baby girl while I…_

Shaking his head to try to clear that train of thought, he moved into Alistair's bedroom. Placing his sidearm on the dresser, he proceeded to change out of his work clothes and into his shorts and tank top. His actions slow and deliberate; every movement a study in control and determination. A direct contrast to the screaming he was doing on the inside. Right now he needed to stay guarded, _soon_ he would be able to burn off this excess, but not yet.

Grabbing his athletic tape and towel, he wrapped his knuckles as he went out to assess where he should start his workout.

Training and experience told him that he needed to warm up first. He started with jumping jacks, then finding a jump rope in Alistair's equipment, he began to build up a light sweat with that. Next came some basic stretches on the mat followed by pushups, pullups, and lunges.

Through it all, he made sure to keep his back firmly to the mirror: he couldn't stand the sight of himself.

 _Failure._ _You failed! And because of you; a family is grieving._

He was hurting and angry. He wanted to punch something, anything, everything! But going straight for the bag after his warm up would probably only escalate into something he couldn't easily pull himself back from. Chasing the moving bag wouldn't satisfy, he needed something more solid; he needed to feel the impact.

His eyes lit on the makiwara board; a rope wrapped punching board bolted directly to the floor. It was just what he needed: rigid with little give. Something to give him the outlet for destruction he wanted while allowing him to maintain his tight control.

Cullen focused on his breathing, on striking with each exhaled breath, short concise jabs. Fists, elbows, an occasional knee to begin with. As his knuckles numbed to the pain, his mind wandered. The call from frantic street cops requesting the aid of a detective. A little girl, same age as his youngest nephew, stolen from her front yard. It'd taken hours to get the whole picture.

 _I should have been faster._

The makiwara gave a little more, his breathing not so controlled. He'd arrived to find a distraught family; the mother and father staring at the chaos around them with empty eyes. Twenty minutes more before he got the full story from them, and another ten to get full reports from the officers on the scene. Twenty-four hours; they had twenty-four hours to ensure she was safe and already a quarter of that was gone.

 _I should have worked harder._

Cullen's breathing was erratic, his strikes closer to the top now causing the board to rock in time with each jab of his fists. His mind conjured pictures of the little girl; dark hair, dark eyes, snaggle toothed smile in her class pictures. His imagination filled in the gaps of her abduction. Young adult male taking advantage of the absence of anyone else in the area for the short two minutes it took for him to grab her.

No one on his team slept for the first twenty-four hours. They wouldn't rest while she was still out there. In that, they had all agreed. He felt the board crack against his knuckles. He ignored the sound and the pain; it was nothing compared to what she'd suffered.

 _I should have seen it._

His blindness prevented him from finding the connection to the man down the road. He'd ignored the voice in his head that told him to verify the facts from the street cops. They hadn't bothered to talk to the human in the house-four doors down. He should have seen the missed interview, should have realized the neighborhood canvass was incomplete. If he'd made _that_ connection sooner, he could have saved her.

 _I should have been more diligent._

He was no longer paying attention to his fists, no longer concentrating on his breathing. All he could see was the face of the man who sneered as Cullen and his team searched his home; mocking the Commander and the others trying to find the girl and Cullen allowed himself to become distracted once again.

 _I should have remained calm._

Cullen was unaware of the sound he was making, the raw pain that now echoed throughout the room, punctuated by his bloodied fists striking the wildly moving board. If he'd been smarter, faster, _better_ ; he'd have seen the clues sooner, he'd have gotten to her before that bastard hurt her.

It was her eyes, staring up, that broke him. Their spark, gone. She lay there, lifeless and accusatory.

 _I should have saved her! I have no fucking excuse!_

 ** _CRACK_!**

 **KERTHUMP!**

The unexpected sounds broke Cullen from his remorseful reminiscence. His eyes focused on his right fist, holding the broken board against the hole in the wall behind it. Retracting his bloodied hand, he barely registered that the board stayed behind, lodged into the wall.

* * *

 _End Double Line_

* * *

Forty-five minutes after Cullen went upstairs, the sound of breaking wood reverberated through the bar. Alistair ran for the back room, only to be met by Lana. Trying to get around her was pointless, so he pleaded with her instead, "Please Lana!"

Shaking her head, she laid a hand on his shoulder, "Let me, Ali." Seeing the helplessness in his eyes, she reassured him, "If I need you, Leli will come get you. I promise."

Nodding his acceptance, Alistair went back behind the counter while the girls went upstairs to investigate the noise.

Lana went because she could read him, Leliana followed as added protection. Both of them aware of Cullen's past, they knew to be prepared for the worse. They were _there_ when it happened; ten years ago. They were the ones to pull him from the brink, to _save_ him. He'd been angry and desperate for revenge back then; broken, begging for them to end it all.

It was a surprise when he walked into their pub seven months ago. It was an even bigger surprise when he and Alistair connected so magnificently and Cullen became one of their regulars. They thought for sure that he would remember them, but his walls were strong, blocking out that time in his life. He'd yet to make the connection between his friends and his rescuers. Having witnessed how far he'd come over the years; how much he'd healed, they wanted to protect that, to protect him; from his past-from himself.

Side by side, they approached with caution; then as now. Entering the loft, the sight broke their hearts: Cullen, on his knees, breathing heavily, blood on his hands, the chant of light tumbling brokenly from his lips.

Leliana pointed out the broken board protruding from the hole in the wall behind where the makiwara used to stand. "I've seen Alistair attack that board with a vengeance; I've never seen one snap like that before..." she whispered to her wife.

Lana nodded, but her focus was on Cullen. She could tell he was teetering on the edge of control. Waves of despair and anger were pouring from him, his heart bleeding with grief. The chant was doing little to soothe him, though its familiarity was probably the _only_ thing keeping him grounded.

"Cullen?" Lana approached slowly, Leliana staying several steps behind, ready to help keep her safe or run for help-whichever was needed most.

He continued to rock in place and pray, seemingly unaware that anyone else had entered the room.

Angling her steps, Lana circled the edge of the room so she could approach him from the front. Her steps were slow and deliberate, her own shield at the ready. Palms up in supplication, she called his name again, a little louder.

"Cullen." This time, he looked up in recognition.

"Lana?" he asked hesitantly, then looked over at the broken wall in shame, turning his face away.

"We heard the board break from downstairs. I wanted to make sure you were ok. May I see?" she asked, looking pointedly at his hands. The tape that'd been protecting his knuckles was a shredded mess, his skin torn. Blood had started to cake on his fingers where it had dripped, but the wounds were still open and weeping-his knuckles misshapen and most likely broken.

He looked into her kind, hazel eyes and nodded; granting her permission to approach. Keeping himself guarded in her presence, he focused on the pain that should be there grounding him, but wasn't.

She took his hands gently in her own, poking and prodding around the bones to assess the amount of damage he'd done. She noticed that he didn't flinch, even when she was poking at the shattered knuckles. "It doesn't hurt?" she asked tentatively.

Cullen shook his head, "Numb." He stared at his hands with an odd sort of detachment.

Lana hesitated before softening and searching his eyes. "Would you like me to heal them for you?"

Looking down again at his hands, he nodded. "Please. If you don't mind. I… don't think I'm done yet. I will need them still."

Lana nodded to him, then looked towards Leliana. "Please go tell Alistair that Cullen's ok so he doesn't charge the stairs. I will be down in a few."

Leliana nodded once and smiled kindly before leaving.

Turning back to Cullen, Lana let her energy flow through her; gently fusing the broken bones, torn tissues, and the outer skin on his hands.

He shivered as the healing energy flowed through his body. Tingling, cold, and somehow familiar. He didn't give that a second thought as he returned his attention back to the room. He was thankful for his friend's gift, but even her healing couldn't mend how torn his heart and mind were.

He managed a strained, "Thank you." As she finished and stood, kissing the top of his head.

"I know you still want to be alone. But before I go, is there anything else that I can do to help?"

He shook his head, but still managed a tight lipped smile.

When she emerged back downstairs, Lana immediately went behind the bar to wash the traces of blood from her hands. Alistair's eyes grew large with concern but she waved him away. "He's ok, Ali. Nothing beyond my abilities to help-physically anyway; he still needs time though so it's back to work for us."

Taking a deep breath, Alistair resigned himself to waiting.

* * *

 **Safe Summary:** Cullen's current case involves the kidnapping and death of a child. He blames himself for not saving her. While hitting a punching board, he loses himself in his memories of what happened and ends up breaking the board and his fist.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

 **I appreciate everyone who's stayed with me this far! Thank you for letting me share this little obsession of mine with you!**

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints. You gals are the best at keeping me motivated and getting me over my humps!  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!

 **I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!**

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing! I am Aurlyn on Tumblr. Thank you all so much!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary:**

Sometimes cases do NOT have happy endings. Occasionally Cullen has to deal with those days. Thankfully he now has Alistair to help him through his grief. (Part 2 of 3)

* * *

Here we get a better picture of what Cullen's been through.  
You'll get some-but not all-of his history.  
I know... I'm so mean.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Trigger Warning:** Child abduction, death of a Child/Death of a family, self loathing, self depreciating inner monolog, self harm of sorts.

 **This story arc is intense!** I've decided to split it into three postings (3 full chapters) so you're not getting it all at once. (I'm a gentle band-aid remover, not a rip it off to get it over with kinda person).  
There **is** graphic descriptions of what happened during Cullen's current case as well as some flashbacks to part of where his PTSD came from.

If you'd like to read this chapter but skip the more painful parts, I will put them between double lines to make them easier to identify and avoid. I will also post a 'safe' summary of what you missed at the bottom in my end notes, so you can still get the gist of what's going on. If you need to skip this section all together, I understand. I'll see you again once Cullen's **Bad Day** is over!

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games,**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 18**

Bad Day Part 2

* * *

 _(Starting off with the heavy - you've been warned)_

* * *

Removing the last of the torn tape from his freshly healed hands, Cullen threw it away and went to rinse the blood off in the kitchen side of the loft. Standing at the sink, he tried to wash away the evidence, the cool water diluting the blood as it swirled down the drain.

Rotating his hands under the stream, he tried to hold the clear liquid in his palms, but it ran through his fingers, uncontrollable, uncontainable. He felt himself falling once again. No matter how hard he worked to save that little girl; like the water, her life slipped through his fingers.

 _Damnit Rutherford, knock it off! Focus on something else. Anything else!_

He turned off the water and dried his hands, thankful for Lana's healing so he could continue to work through the rest of this shit. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, he took a long pull hoping the drink would help ground him.

He needed to get a grip. Shaking from grief and exhaustion, his own voice was startling in the empty room. _"Rutherford, pull it together. This isn't your first case gone wrong and it won't be your last."_

Leaning back against the kitchen cabinets, Cullen tried to focus on the breathing techniques Dorian trained him to use, so long ago.

' _You can't control everything but you can control your breath. Start there.'_

So he did.

Slow. Steady. In, one… two… three… out, one… two… three.

Starting with a set of ten, Cullen began to breathe his way through some of his aggravation. He could do this; slow and steady-focused. He wasn't fresh out of therapy anymore, he knew he had the skills to power through. First things first, he needed to get that little girl out of his mind.

Five breaths in, Cullen thought perhaps he had this. He was focused, concentrating on the job at hand. Breathing in with a controlled intake then breathing out slowly.

Finishing his first set of breaths, he decided to power through into another. He wasn't in control yet. He needed this. He needed the exercise to help refocus him, he needed the physical exhaustion to help him forget. He needed Dorian, but he didn't want to bother him. He should be over this, he should have this! He pleaded for something, _anything_ to take the last four days from his mind and wipe it clean so he could finally get some rest.

 _It's been so long since I've slept-the nightmares keep coming. And after today, I know there will be new ones to add to my old._

Taking another drink of water, Cullen attempted to keep his mind clear. All too soon, his failures began to seep through his defences and flash before his eyes.

The tower massacre…

 _No! Not the tower! I can't go back there!_

Even as distraught as he was, he wouldn't allow himself to revisit that horrific event. Still more deaths that he _should_ have been able to prevent.

 _If only I'd been enough._

After the tower, only six months into his recovery, he got stationed in Kirkwall. His old Knight-Commander went power hungry and thought she herself was above the law. For too long, he'd followed her; unthinking, having faith that she was only doing what the Maker had wanted them all to do. He'd never been so wrong. People suffered and died because he _failed_ to see; _failed_ to act.

 _There is so much blood on my hands._

Killing innocents in the name of the Maker and his bride. For what? Her own righteous glory? She'd strayed so far from the true heart of the Templar; he almost saw it too late. If it hadn't been for that strong willed Battlemaster, Garrett Hawke, fighting against Meredith, he might not have noticed in time to stand against her as well.

Hawke and his friends warned him. They tried to help him see time and again and even handed him proof, but he'd been too blinded by his own fear and recovery. Too broken to think for himself, completely wrapped up in needing to follow orders just to get through his day to day life. No thinking, no feeling, just doing as commanded. Following orders was easy. Until it wasn't.

In the end he'd stopped, but the damage was done. He'd been trying so hard to claw his way out of the madness the tower had submerged him in. He'd been trained to follow blindly and after Kinloch Hold, that's all he knew. He'd nearly lost his mind to the torture and abuses he'd suffered in the tower, all he had left was duty and faith.

It was his Knight-Commander's job to guide him back into the light, but instead she twisted his madness and used _him_ as _her_ weapon. If it hadn't been for Dorian and Hawke, he might never have made it through.

He found himself in Haven next, trying to pick up the pieces, help them fight and rebuild. The whole town had been overrun with demons. Not that everyone saw them. Most people saw gruesome murders and crimes of passion. But they were so much more.

He was sent to assess and clean up. Kill the demons, save the people. It was a simple order he was tasked with following. He thought he had taken all the precautions necessary, he evacuated the town, gotten all of the civilians to safety so his small team of Templars could eradicate the threat.

But just like this week, he'd missed something important. He was assured that all the civilians were cleared out. Once again, he put his faith in the word of another; it was just the demons left for them to take care of. The area was secured.

 _I trusted them!_

He didn't see the family that'd taken refuge in the abandoned school bus. Didn't hear the children whimpering in fear or their parents' urgent whispers for them to be quiet. Separated from his brothers-in-arms, he didn't know how many were still alive, most having fallen to the onslaught from the other side of the veil.

He was alone.

Finding himself surrounded by demons, he could have easily fought his way through. If he'd been able to stay calm and focused, that is. He was good at what he did, and there were only three of them. But his mind hadn't fully recovered from the ordeal at the tower or his battle with Meredith. The gravity of the situation took him right back to the original source of all his nightmares. No longer was he fighting demons, but he was surrounded by blood mages. The torture and abuses still fresh. His Templar abilities failing to drain the magic from them, nullifying their powers. He was desperate.

 _Why is my mana-drain not working? Have my gifts been taken away? Is this my penance for my past transgressions? Why has the Maker forsaken me?_

Reaching once again for the Maker's gifts, he tried to form his shield to protect himself from the oncoming horde. Stepping backwards, he found his back up against the _abandoned_ school bus. His shield was weak, but there. A perfect counterpoint to the sword that was growing heavier in his grasp. There was one more hidden gift at his disposal. A last resort to be used _only_ when all hope had fled.

Backed into a corner with his sword arm failing, he saw far more _'mages'_ coming at him than the actual three demons left in attendance. Digging deep into his soul for the Maker's light, Cullen lashed out at his attackers, smiting them with the full force of his faith and will.

He'd never used his untempered powers before. Never did he want to use them again. When the dust settled, Cullen found himself kneeling in a small indentation on the soft earth. Everything in a six foot radius; blown clean away. The bus that was at his back only moments before, relocated to two feet outside of his blast radius and was now tipped on its side. The _blood mages_ that he believed himself to be fighting were nowhere to be seen, only the rotting corpses of demons lay motionless almost ten feet away.

Taking in the deafening silence after the rush of adrenaline he'd been feeding off of, Cullen heard a quiet whimper from inside the bus, "Daddy?" the tiny voice said heavy with fear and unchecked emotion. "Mommy? Wake up!" The voice came again, slightly weaker than before.

He followed the sound, found the aftermath of his explosion on the inside of that bus. Climbing into the wreckage, Cullen found what was left of a family. Mother, Father, small toddler, and a baby-barely a few months old; all dead. The voice he heard belonged to a wide eyed little girl with brown curls and a cut on her head that was bleeding profusely. She was holding her father's hand, begging for him to answer her. As Cullen approached, she reached for him and asked if he could help wake her parents. She hurt and needed her Daddy. She was cold, scared, and so tired.

Cullen found himself sitting amidst the corpses, holding that distraught little girl. Rocking her in his arms-crying-as the life slowly left her tiny body. He clutched her to his chest for several hours after she died, unwilling to let go. Unwilling to admit-his total failure.

He forced himself to re-live the horrors of what'd happened. Knowing that this was his fault, he killed that little girl and her family. He'd lost himself to the flashbacks, lost himself to the desperation of the memories that haunted him. Abused the powers that the Maker granted him.

If he'd been fully present, he would have been able to assess his surroundings and fight his attackers properly. His tactics would have been different; suited towards demons, not mages.

 _I failed!_

 _Failed that little girl._

 _Failed her family._

 _Failed my team._

 _Failed myself._

 _Failed as a Templar._

Cullen knew then that it was time to leave the order. He couldn't carry on the lie. He was no longer suited to walk in their light. He needed to find himself. Needed to help others, not be the cause of their sparks going out.

Cullen didn't know how he got there, having long since stopped focusing on his breathing. He was standing, staring at the mirror along the wall in Alistair's loft. The reflection of himself, unrecognizable. His image fading to that of the girl in Haven, melding into the little girl from today. They'd both been so young. So much life before them and neither would ever get to live it. Would never be able to grow and find their place in this _fucked-up_ , crazy world. All because he couldn't do his _damn_ job the way it needed to be done. Because he couldn't control himself; his mind, his powers.

 _It's too much! To many deaths: lives taken before their time. I… can't. It was supposed to get better when I left the order. I was supposed to 'do' better!_

He suddenly fell to his knees on the floor. Gasping for air, he realized that he couldn't breathe. His brain registered the panic, yet he couldn't calm himself. Couldn't force his breathing to even out, slow the pounding of his heart, or stop the tears that poured from eyes.

Clutching the water bottle in his hand, Cullen realized that his throat was raw. The reverberation of his scream still echoing through the room. The plastic of the bottle collapsing in the tightness of his grip. There staring back at him was his own face once again; mocking what he knew he could never be. What he should have been, but was never good enough for.

Unable to take it, he shouted at his reflection and threw the bottle at the mirror. Anything to get rid of the image. The panel in front of him shattered. He shattered. Crumpling to the hardwood floor, he watched as the shards slid down the wall in slow motion. Broken, like he was.

 _Fuck!_

He needed to get away, needed to move, needed to leave the room. With wracking sobs, Cullen picked himself up off the floor and glanced at the broken glass, knowing he'd have to clean it up and apologize for it later. Heading towards the bathroom, he hoped to be able to drown his sorrows in Alistair's oversized clawfoot tub.

* * *

 _End Double_

* * *

Alistair stood at the counter, wiping mindlessly at the already clean bartop. Lana was talking to Leliana were over by the stage when she looked up to meet his gaze.

 _Lana Please?!_

She walked over and laid her hands on top of his.

"Alistair, he needs space."

"What he needs is a distraction."

"Yes, but he's afraid of hurting you; you would be _too much_ of a distraction."

"Well, maybe you could go up - you've already been up there with him once, maybe…"

"Alistair, no." She paused and hesitated for a moment. She looked nervous.

 _She never looks nervous!_

"Lana, what's going on? Why do you look… guilty. What aren't you telling me?"

"You always were more perceptive than you let on."

He shrugged, "It's a gift. If people think I'm simple minded, they open up more around me."

"That's been the source of their undoing many times." she chuckled.

"Yes it has… but as Cullen would say, you are deflecting. What aren't you telling me?" he reiterated the question more sternly this time.

"Alistair, there's something that you should know."

"Yes, Lana, I can see that - what is it? I thought I knew all of your little secrets."

"Not all of them-" she suddenly gasped and stumbled; barely catching herself on the stool while crying out in pain.

"Lana!" He leapt over the bar to be at her side, catching her elbow to steady her. Leliana arriving a moment later. They held her with dual looks of concern on their faces.

Lana's eyes stared-unseeing-the look of pain on her face telling more than her words ever could.

She gripped Alistair's arm tightly, seeing sights that were not her own: memories from a time and place she'd never been. The crushing weight of his panic threatened to overwhelm her, but she pushed through it by throwing up her emotional barriers to protect herself, while gauging what Cullen needed most. These were _his_ memories, she was sure of it. She allowed only the information through, blocking out all of the emotion that threatened to weigh her down.

Lana felt Cullen pulling himself back to the here and now, fighting to regain his control, fighting to reclaim his breath.

Shaking her head to clear it, she whispered, "I'm all right. But… he's not." She swallowed and looked up, tears once again filling her eyes, heavy emotion lacing her words.

There was a loud crash from upstairs, halting her from saying whatever she was about to.

Not wood this time…

 _Was that glass?_

Alistair looked panicked. His eyes large, knowing full well that there was a wall of windows upstairs; not to mention the floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall mirror panels lining the dojo side of his loft. Without waiting for approval, Alistair took off towards the stairs.

Taking them two at a time, he paused at the top to catch his breath. Entering the loft, he looked around to assess the situation. Cullen's shoes and personal belongings were stashed in their usual places next to the front door. There was a blood-stained towel next to the sink that was no longer neatly folded. The cabinet where he kept his trash can, left open.

The sources of the sounds he heard from downstairs were evident on the dojo side of the room. The broken makiwara was protruding from the wall and one of the mirror panels on the kitchen side of the dojo was in pieces on the hardwood floor with a half-full water bottle settled in and amongst the debris.

 _Well, that explains the sound of shattering glass! But where's Cullen?_

Nothing else seemed amiss-all the windows were in place and other than a small towel draped over the weight bench and an errant roll of athletic tape laying haphazardly on the floor, everything was where it belonged.

Alistair headed for the bedroom.

Cullen's workout bag lay empty, his gun was stored safely on top of the dresser, and the suit he'd shown up in was draped neatly over the foot of the bed. From inside the bathroom, he heard the sound of water running. Walking around to the closed door, he paused to listen.

Cullen was sobbing on the other side of that door; full body-wracking sobs from the sound of it. Though his heart was breaking right alongside Cullen's, Alistair knew he needed to wait. He knew Cullen wouldn't appreciate an audience, no matter how sincere the intent was behind the intrusion.

Deciding to be comfortable while he waited, Alistair grabbed his gi pants and laid out a second pair for Cullen on the bed. He changed quickly, then slipping into his rubber soled house shoes, he went to go clean up.

This wasn't the first time one of his mirrors had broken. Alistair was just thankful that this one was over the hardwood; it was a bitch to get glass out of the mat. Last time, he replaced the whole thing instead of picking out all the tiny little shards. Grabbing his trash bin and broom, Alistair made quick work of the mess; sweeping up the larger pieces, then took a lightly damp dust mop to the mat and floor. Just in case.

Convinced that the immediate danger was taken care of, Alistair slipped out of his shoes and made his way back to the mat. Kneeling in the center, he focused on quieting his mind and preparing for Cullen to join him. He may not know exactly what was wrong, but he knew that Cullen was hurting and he was determined to try everything in his power to help get him through it.

* * *

Finding his way to the bathroom, Cullen crumpled to the floor. Too worried about seeing his reflection in the bathroom mirror, he immediately shut the door and fell; pillowing his head on his arms against the side of the tub.

He didn't cry often, but he knew that sometimes the only way to process through the pain, you had to let it out. Here was safe, there was nowhere else he felt safer. This wasn't panic, he was fully present, this was catharsis.

Cullen pulled himself together enough to run the bath. When he first started therapy with Dorian, they'd used a sensory deprivation chamber to help with his sudden and sometimes violent panic attacks. Alistair had a large clawfoot tub that was long enough and deep enough to make a reasonable simulation for his 6'1" frame. It wasn't perfect, but it would do.

Once the tub was half way filled, Cullen climbed into the barely warmer than body temperature water. When the tub was almost full, he turned it off then slid down, leaving only his knees and face left in the air of the room.

Ears properly submerged, he closed his eyes and let his senses relax. Dark, quiet, warm, only the sound of his breath to guide him and he worked towards keeping it calm and even. Anytime his mind started to wander, he forcefully brought it back to the water. Cleansing, purifying, safe. He stayed in his cocoon of comfort until it cooled below his body temperature and he began to shiver.

Pulling the plug, Cullen climbed from the tub and sought out his towel to dry off. The calmness of the water helped to soothe his anger and frustration, but the sadness was still there. He wasn't fully better, but he felt like he regained some of the control he'd been lacking.

Exiting the bathroom, wearing only a towel, he debated on what to dress himself in. The clothes he'd worn to work out in were sweaty and had blood on them. They were out of the question. Pondering borrowing something from Alistair's drawers, his eyes caught sight of a pair of martial arts pants laying across the bed where nothing had been before.

 _Alistair... is here?_

He paused to listen, trying to see if he could hear Alistair in the other room. It was silent, but he'd clearly been in the bedroom recently. Cullen sighed inwardly, he was in no frame of mind to talk. He was still too raw. Though he'd pulled himself back from the brink, the pain and self-flagellation were right there waiting to resurface.

Cullen dressed in the borrowed pants and towel dried his hair before heading back into the main room to face Alistair. He needed to apologize for the damage he'd done, if nothing else.

He found Alistair with his back to him, kneeling in the center of the practice mat. The shattered mirror no longer in evidence, but the board still protruded from the wall.

Cullen hung his head. He loved that man so much and didn't deserve the patience and care Alistair was always showing him. Watching him now, Cullen was envious: he appeared to be peace personified: sitting on his heals with his toes folded under, his hands resting comfortably on the top of his knees. It was the exact opposite of how Cullen's heart and mind felt at the moment.

In his present state of mind, Cullen resented the calm that surrounded Alistair. Just knowing that he'd come up here and cleaned up Cullen's mess made him feel less than worthless. It poked at the beast that was raging inside of him.

 _I can't even be trusted to clean up after myself._

Alistair hadn't moved and clearly didn't intend to. Leaving him to his meditation, Cullen decided to start abusing the bag. Not bothering to tape up his hands this time, he put his back to Alistair and went to work. Light jabs followed by full swings with a kick or two thrown in for good measure. Cullen was doing his best to focus on the workout and not on why he needed to be burning off steam.

It wasn't working. The more he kicked and punched the bag, the more he wanted to hurt something real. There was zero resistance with the bag and it only made him angrier. The fact that Alistair was still in the room with him, gradually faded until it was just him, the punching bag, and the weight of the world looming ominously over him once again.

* * *

Alistair could tell from the sound of Cullen's steps that he'd entered the room and paused. He kept himself loose and calm; available if Cullen wanted to talk, not intrusive if he didn't. He followed the sounds of Cullen's bare steps over to where the heavy bag was hanging and listened as Cullen began to hit it. Focusing on his own breathing, he waited. After a while, he could tell that Cullen's breath had become more erratic, his rhythm broken. Only then did he rise from his position on the practice mat.

"Cullen."

 _Nothing_.

Watching Cullen's posture, Alistair knew that he was spiraling out of control again. He may have been able to calm himself briefly with the bath, but he was clearly working himself up once again. He needed to get Cullen's attention before all control was lost, but he didn't dare approach him in this state.

He tried calling out again; louder this time, _"Cullen!"_

Still no response.

Cullen was trying very hard to kill the bag. Looking around for something to catch his attention, Alistair saw the chime that he used to clear the vibrations after some of his meditations. Walking over to where it hung on the wall, Alistair rang it.

He waited and watched.

Then rang it again.

And again.

Twice more before he was able to get Cullen's attention.

Alistair watched as Cullen paused in his assault and stood there with his hands on the bag. Breathing heavily, Cullen turned slowly toward him. Alistair's heart nearly shattered at the wild eyes that were now scanning the room before they landed fully on him.

Walking back to the center of the mat, Alistair raised his hand and beckoned Cullen to join him.

* * *

 **Safe Summary:**

Cullen washes off the blood from his newly healed knuckles. Drinks some water and tries some breathing exercises to help him regain control.

It doesn't work, he starts seeing his past. The tower massacre pops in his head which he quickly shakes off, but then he remembers what came next.

Kirkwall: with his old Knight-Commander Meredith who was power hungry and instead of helping Cullen heal, used him as her weapon. Manipulated his fear, anger, and hate and used it to her advantage. Hawke and his friends helped him see what she was doing was wrong. He opened his eyes at the last and fought back against her, but the blood was already on his hands.

Flash to Haven: He and a small group of Templars had been dispatched to clear the area of some demons who'd slipped through the veil. In the midst of the battle, Cullen got separated and-in his desperation-lost himself in another flashback. Instead of demons, he saw mages and couldn't figure out why his Templar abilities weren't working against them. In his panic, he unleashed the full force of his smite. In the aftermath, he found a family of five was killed in his crossfire. That's when he decided to 'retire'.

He feels like a complete and total failure.

His memories sent him into a full body wracking panic attack. He throws a bottle of water at the wall and in the process, shattered one of the mirrored panels that lined the dojo area.

Finally pulling himself together, he makes his way towards the bathroom.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

 **I appreciate everyone who's stayed with me this far! Thank you for letting me share this little obsession of mine with you!**

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints. You gals are the best at keeping me motivated and getting me over my humps!  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me! Welcome back my love! You've been dearly missed!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!

I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing! I am Aurlyn on Tumblr. Thank you all so much!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary:**

Sometimes cases do NOT have happy endings. Occasionally Cullen has to deal with those days. Thankfully he now has Alistair to help him through his grief. (Part 3 of 3)

* * *

This is the final chapter for this little story arc. I know it's been painful, but Alistair's there now to help him deal.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Trigger Warning:** Child abduction, death of a Child/Death of a family, self loathing, self depreciating inner monolog, self harm of sorts.

 **This story arc is intense!** I've decided to split it into three postings (3 full chapters) so you're not getting it all at once. (I'm a gentle band-aid remover, not a rip it off to get it over with kinda person).

There is only one small scene in this chapter where Cullen reflects on the recent case. No real gruesome details.

If you'd like to read this chapter but skip the more painful parts, I will put them between double lines to make them easier to identify and avoid. I will also post a 'safe' summary of what you missed at the bottom in my end notes, so you can still get the gist of what's going on. If you need to skip this section all together, I understand. I'll see you again once Cullen's **Bad Day** is over!

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games,**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 19**

Bad Day Part 3

* * *

Cullen was able to ignore the ringing at first. He was lost in his head; battling the demons from his past alongside the inner demons currently plaguing his heart. Taking it all out on the heavy bag. His control was slipping.

As the ringing persisted, it slowly pulled him from his inner struggle.

 _Where is that sound coming from?_

Wrapping his arms around the bag to stop it from swaying, Cullen began to search for the source of the chime. Scanning the room cautiously, his eyes eventually landed on Alistair, standing by a chime on the wall, watching him intently.

He'd forgotten that he wasn't alone.

Once their eyes connected, Alistair moved gracefully to the center of the sparring mat and stood in what Cullen would call, parade rest; but Alistair probably had another word for it. He usually did. He didn't appear angry. In truth, he looked calm and relaxed-even sympathetic in the kindness gracing his face.

He couldn't look away from Alistair's quiet intensity, even as his brain rebelled.

 _I don't deserve his kindness, or his sympathy._

With a small smile, Alistair slowly raised one a hand with his palm facing up, he curled his fingers up a couple of times, then he pointed to the X on the mat directly across from where he was standing.

Things started to click into place. They were dressed the same, in matching pairs of martial arts pants. Alistair was standing at the ready in the center of his dojo, inviting Cullen to join him.

 _He's waiting to spar. No… I... can't!_

They'd worked out together on several occasions over the last couple of months. And though they playfully wrestled and messed around, Cullen always refused to seriously spar with him. He'd been training from such a young age, he didn't think it fair to take advantage of Alistair's good nature that way; Grey Warden or not.

His mind told him that as a Warden, Alistair was more than capable of handling himself. They were some of the best Warriors on Thedas and needed to be to match the preternatural foes they faced. He'd personally witnessed Alistair's speed and agility as well as been on the receiving end of his incredible strength. Cullen's heart, however, wouldn't let him completely let go around Alistair, so he always held back. Whether it was his ego over his own considerable abilities or his fear of losing control and hurting the man he loved, Cullen refused to pit himself-hand-to-hand-against Alistair.

Now, here he was, being beckoned to the mat. Alistair didn't realize how out of control he felt right now. He couldn't fight him; not here, not now. He wasn't sure what kind of expression he held on his face, but he was pretty certain that Alistair understood his head shake as a refusal.

Alistair's face softened a little more, "Join me. Cullen, please."

"Alistair, no. I couldn't, you-"

"I am perfectly capable of handling myself." Alistair sounded slightly amused.

"But... you haven't warmed up yet." Cullen tried to find an excuse to refuse him.

Groaning audibly, Alistair began his warm up routine.

Cullen was familiar with the basics, having worked out with Alistair several times now. Jumping in place, some kicks and punches, maneuvering up and back down the salmon ladder like it was an extension of him. His body was poetry in motion; quick, agile, flexible, strong, and moved fluidly from one action to the next. He was mesmerizing to watch, beautiful.

Alistair was going above and beyond for this warm up though. Cullen wasn't sure if he was showing off, or just trying to prove that he was capable of handling himself. Between the kicks and punches, Alistair was throwing in elaborate aerials, flips, and handsprings; landing each one perfectly, every movement; graceful. He made it look effortless, easy.

Cullen stood stunned by the acrobatics and skill that Alistair was demonstrating.

When he came back to the center of the ring, he bounced a couple more times before landing solid, his serious gaze locked firmly on Cullen. "I'm warmed up now. Come… here."

It was an order this time and Cullen knew it.

He took a step forward hesitantly, "I dont have the control that I should right now, Alistair. I really don't want to-hurt you." He finished in a whisper.

Alistair smiled gently, "If I let you go at the bag anymore, we'll have to add it to the list of things to be replaced and fixed." He ticked off a few items on his fingers, "The makiwara board, the mirror, the wall. None of those things can fight back, Cullen. You need a moving target."

Looking down at his feet, Cullen stayed just out of range; shame and self-hatred washing over him.

Seeing Cullen's face fall, Alistair tried another tactic, "If you'd prefer not to fight me hand-to-hand, then choose your weapon. You need this and you know it. You need a solid target that's going to hit back, you _need_ a challenge. Let me help keep your mind focused while your body burns off the rest."

Nodding reluctantly, Cullen approached the weapons rack. The board had been unsatisfying, his breathing exercises left him too much time for his mind to wander, and chasing the bag was only spiraling him farther out of control.

What he wanted, was to physically assault the man they'd arrested earlier in the day. His face was the target he was craving, but that sadistic asshole was currently behind bars and if he had his way, that's where he would stay.

His instincts took him to the wooden swords first, he'd been training with swords since he was old enough to hold one. It was a natural extension of his body. He couldn't do that to Alistair though. At the last moment, he reached for the wooden staves instead.

Alistair stopped him, "You were heading for the bokken-the wooden swords-if that is your weapon of choice, grab it; I'm in."

Cullen hesitated.

Alistair chuckled, "Do you think I have them here because they're _pretty_? If the sword is your weapon, pass me one. I've never pitted myself against a Templar, sword-to-sword before. You might teach me something new."

He knew it was a bad idea, but at the moment, it was better than talking about what was bothering him. Grabbing the two swords, Cullen tossed one to Alistair who snached it deftly out of the air.

Alistair was cool and relaxed.

Cullen was terrified of hurting him.

They squared off on the mat and saluted.

Cullen began to circle. Alistair matched him step for step; a direct mirror to his footwork. Seeing an opening, he dipped in for a basic strike-a test-which Alistair parried effortlessly.

"Really?" Alistair rolled his eyes, "Don't insult me. I'm not made of glass, Cullen. Stop holding back."

Circling again, Cullen saw another opening and upped his game; which Alistair deftly dodged.

"You do remember the part about me being a 'Warden' right? If that's all you're going to throw at me, I might as well tie one hand behind my back and blindfold myself."

Shaking off Alistair's taunting, Cullen went back in for another attack, then another-each one more complex than the last. Alistair evaded, parried, and countered them all with practiced ease.

"C'mon, I know you have more in you than this. You were a Templar, for Maker's sake. Show me what you've got!"

Cullen noticed that up until now, Alistair had been purely on the defensive. Always deflecting and dodging-never attacking.

 _He wants more? Let's see if I can get him to reciprocate in kind._

Feigning to the right, Cullen switched directions and spun to the left, trying to sweep Alistair's legs out from under him. Alistair, leapt over his attack then pressed his own, forcing Cullen to block, then counter.

"That's more like it." Alistair quipped.

They were fairly evenly matched. Where Cullen was pure strength and practiced precision, Alistair was adaptable, nimble, and quick. They fought for roughly half an hour. For a time, Alistair believed that Cullen was finally powering through the worst of it and ready to move past. He was focused and surefooted; on the offensive as much as he was successfully defending. But then, he started making stupid mistakes: he missed an easy block, forgot to put his guard up, overcompensated his steps-throwing himself off balance.

 _This isn't working. Cullen's checking out again._

Knowing they needed to regroup before they hurt each other, Alistair lunged forward and caught Cullen's sword at the crossguard-twisting it out of his grip. Spinning away from his opponent, he faced off again, this time with both bokken at the ready.

Cullen looked down at his empty hands in surprise, then back at Alistair, present once again.

"Welcome back." Alistair said with affection. "Are you ready to put the toys away and talk to me? Or do you need another go?" He held one of the swords out for Cullen to take.

Palms up in supplication, Cullen refused the sword. "My mind is not where it should be for me to be in the ring with you right now."

"Well, that much is obvious." Alistair teased lightly, but his smile was filled with gentle understanding. "You're distracted. It's making your movements sloppy and predictable. I should never have been able to disarm you so effortlessly. So, either you're going easy on me out of pity for my poor, pathetic Warden training, or you're too wrapped up in what's going on in your own head to focus. I'm betting it's the latter."

"I've had a really bad week." Cullen bemoaned as he watched Alistair wipe down the swords and put them away.

"I get that. So how do we get you past it?"

"I wish I knew," came the defeated reply.

Alistair grabbed two bottles of water then walked with Cullen over to the sofa. As they settled into their usual spots, he asked, "Will you please tell me what happened?"

Cullen drained half his water in one gulp while shaking his head.

"Listen to reason, love. You're too sleep deprived to work through this physically and not hurt yourself." Alistair brushed his fingertips lightly over Cullen's recently healed knuckles. "Your _only_ other option is to talk to someone. If you're not comfortable talking to me, at least call Dorian, or I can bring Lana up here. But this, right here-is not healthy."

Cullen hung his head in shame, "I can't put Lana through this, she only caught a glimpse and it brought her to tears. She doesn't deserve that."

"And _you_ don't deserve to have to deal with this alone. You have people that love you, Cullen. _I_ love you. Please let one of us help you."

"This is— it's just _too_ much, Alistair. There's layer upon layer of shit running through my head and I don't want to burden any of you with it."

"Too much to even warrant a call to Dorian? From what I understand, he's seen you through worse."

"I don't think it's enough to need Dorian… but perhaps-it is too much for me to handle alone." Cullen admitted reluctantly.

Alistair laid his hand gently on Cullen's shoulder, rubbing small circles with his thumb, "I'm here. I'll always be here, my love. It's time to face what's got you so torn up inside."

Signing heavily, Cullen closed his eyes and bowed his head. "I have been facing it. With every blink, I relive what happened. I can't seem to turn it off." His tone was heavy with anguish as he continued, "The pain from today keeps reminding me of something horrific that happened right before I transferred to Denerim, which keeps bringing me back to what happened today. It's a never ending cycle."

Alistair shook his head. "That sounds more like dwelling on it than facing it. Can you tell me what happened?"

Cullen shook his head, "I can't tell you the details. And I'm not quite ready to discuss the issues that led up to me leaving the order either."

"We both have _stuff_ that we've yet to share, there will be time for that later. When you're ready. But, please tell me that you've already discussed the stuff from your past with Dorian at least-that it's not just sitting there festering?"

Nodding solemnly, Cullen added, "I have. And until today, I'd come to terms with it."

"Then we don't need to discuss it now. Talk to me about today. What's got you so worked up?"

"Alistair, you know there are parts of my job that are classified. I'm not permitted to speak of it."

"Is this about the little girl who went missing on Monday?"

Cullen's head shot up in surprise, eyes narrowing.

"Oh come on. People talk to me everyday and it's all over the news. It didn't take much to piece together the urgency of your new case with that particular story."

"How much was in the news?"

"No specifics, just generalities. But I know enough to realize that's some pretty heavy shit you've probably got swimming around in that handsome head of yours."

Cullen leaned back into the sofa and stared at the ceiling contemplating how much to tell. Or if he should confirm any of it at all.

"If you get it out, you can move on from it. Tell me what happened?"

"I… can't."

 _How do you admit something like this?_ _What will Alistair think of me when I do?_

"Can't? Or won't?" he asked pointedly. "I don't need details, you don't need to break confidentiality or anything, but you _do_ need to talk about it so you can let it go. _Tell me_ what has you so torn up, or I'm calling Dorian."

* * *

 **Double line for warning**

* * *

Knowing that he didn't have a better option at his disposal, Cullen confessed, "She's...dead." He finally breathed out with a whimper. "She was the same age as Jasper and now-she's _gone_. _"_

Laying a hand on Cullen's knee, Alistair tried to keep him talking, "This isn't your first case gone sour. What happened with _this one_ that has you so torn up? Was it just because of her age?"

Cullen continued, as if Alistair hadn't spoken. "I found her body today." His voice held a new edge to it: frustration, resignation, the remnants of his anger-all bound together under tightly controlled despair.

"She hadn't been there long." His words caught in his throat as he remembered her innocent face. "I wasn't quick enough. I'm not… good enough. She died, Alistair-because I _failed_." Cullen whispered the last word, crumpling forward, he covered his face with his hands and began to cry.

* * *

 **End Double Line**

* * *

Alistair was instantly on his knees in front of Cullen, wrapping him in his arms. "Sweetheart, you didn't cause her death," he said intently, "You _are_ good enough. This is just one instance. More often than not, your cases have happy endings. This isn't the norm. It may not feel like it now, but it will be ok. _You_ will be ok."

Cullen shook his head in disbelief, but didn't pull away. Leaning into him instead, he sought comfort in Alistair's embrace.

He still blamed himself for her death. He blamed himself for so many deaths. Yet here was Alistair, trying to comfort him and encourage him through it all; trying to convince him that everything was going to turn out all right.

 _How can I look him in the eye after this?_

Cullen wanted to scream, rant, throw, and break things. But he was tired, so very tired. He knew that he couldn't change the past, but he also knew he needed to mourn her loss and move on. But how could he do both?

 _Am I allowed to?_

Alistair caressed Cullen's cheek with his hand and touched their foreheads together, "My love, please don't blame yourself for this. You can't be everywhere at once. You have a tough job, one that very few people could handle. And you are _damn_ good at it. You get a lot of shit thrown at you and you _always_ do the best that you can. I know that there is nothing I can say that will take away the hurt you are feeling; but Cullen, you don't have to face _anything_ alone anymore. Whatever you need, I am here. Whether it's someone to trade blows with, someone to listen to you vent, or someone to hold you and tell you that everything will be ok. I've got you, I'm not going anywhere."

Cullen finally opened his red puffy eyes and looked into Alistair's. Pulling him to his chest, he clung to him like a lifeline-his anchor to the hear and now. As they held one another, Cullen accepted that he couldn't win them all. He cried for that little girl who would never again grace her parents with her presence. He admitted to the world and himself that he wasn't perfect. He mourned all of his failures and mistakes. He let the tears fall and allowed them to cleanse away his doubts and fears.

Finally allowing acceptance, love, and hope to take root within him once again, he accepted Alistair's words:

 _I will be ok._

 _I'm not alone this time._

 _I am enough._

 _I did the best I could._

As Cullen's sobs began to ebb, Alistair pulled back only far enough to be able to kiss his lips. Sweet, tender, chaste. Wiping away his tears, Alistair smiled softly at Cullen, his face full of understanding and support.

With a quavering voice, Cullen asked, "What did I ever do without you?"

"You probably destroyed your fair share of makiwara, mirrors, and punching bags." Alistair teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"Bookcases actually." He looked away, embarrassed.

"What, really?"

Cullen shifted uncomfortably, not proud of that fact.

Alistair tried to smooth things over, "Hey, y'know-it doesn't matter. All of that can be replaced. Bookcases or punching boards, they are just objects. Things. You are… so much more to me than that. Anytime you need to burn off steam, vent your frustrations, or need someone to be with, I'll be here to help."

Cullen looked away, letting one last tear fall down his cheek, but managed to look back at Alistair with a small, thankful sigh. "That will take some getting used to." He grinned shyly. "I am not complaining, though."

Running his hands soothingly across Cullen's broad shoulders, Alistair asked, "How are you feeling?"

Cullen groaned, "Like I've had the crap beat out of me!"

Chuckling warmly, Alistair offered, "I bet you do, you've had quite the week."

"You know, you'd make a very good therapist." Cullen winked.

Alistair countered, "Or a bartender?"

"Or a bartender." Cullen agreed. " _My_ bartender." He reached up and adoringly touched Alistair's cheek before hugging him once again.

"Always." Alistair confirmed, "C'mon let's get cleaned up and I'll tuck you into bed. You look like you could sleep for a week."

"I feel like I haven't slept in a week. In truth, I think the last full night's sleep I had was Sunday with you. I've taken tomorrow off to recover; they know how to find me, should they need me."

"Let's hope they don't-so you can sleep the day away and let me spoil you." Alistair said affectionately.

"You are truly a gift from the Maker. Thank you."

Alistair blushed brushing his lips softly against Cullen's, "Come on, my love. Let's get showered so I can tuck you into bed."

Cullen nodded feebly. He was exhausted: physically, mentally, and emotionally. A shower and a good night's sleep might be what he needed to feel like himself again.

Alistair took his time caring for his internally battered love: he massaged his muscles under the steaming hot water, trying help him relax. He washed him gently, keeping his caresses reassuring and comforting. Once they were both clean and dried, Alistair then led an exhausted Cullen to their bed.

Tucking him in gently, Alistair climbed in next to him and kissed him softly on the forehead, "I need to head back downstairs soon. There are still a several hours left before we close tonight and I know the girls will want to know you're ok."

Cullen nuzzled closer, "And here I was hoping to drift off in your arms."

"Well that, I can certainly accommodate. I just didn't want you to worry if you woke up and I wasn't here." Alistair made himself comfortable on the bed, wrapping his arms around Cullen. "And I will definitely be back, so don't hog all the covers while I'm gone."

"I'm sure you could wrestle them away from me again without much effort."

Alistair chuckled, then kissed Cullen on the temple, "You going to be all right?"

"I will now. Thank you… for everything."

Gazing into Cullen's drooping eyes, Alistair said, "Anytime. I mean that. I love you; you know that right? There is nothing I wouldn't do for you."

Cullen tightened his grip around Alistair's waist. "I love you too."

Alistair held Cullen close to his heart, caressing his shoulders and kissing his brow as he drifted off to sleep. He prayed that Cullen's mind and soul would be lighter come morning.

He held onto Cullen for twenty minutes past when his breathing evened out in sleep. Convinced that he'd done all that he could, Alistair extricated himself from his lover's grasp, dressed once again in his work uniform, then slipped silently out of the room to head back downstairs to work.

* * *

 **Safe Summary:**

Cullen admits that a little girl died on his watch and says some pretty negative things about himself and how it's all his fault.

Alistair's not having it (but most of that is after the double lines)

* * *

 **End Notes:**

 **I appreciate everyone who's stayed with me this far! I know this was a painful story arc, but life isn't always rainbows and unicorns. (Damnit! Why not?!)**

 _So after this little rough adventure, does anyone else think that these two might need a happier morning to soothe all this hurt? I don't have one written, but if there's interest - I might be persuaded to write a little ditty to put up in the one-shot section of this series. Any special requests? Leave me a comment and I'll see what I can do to accommodate all requests._

My usual thank you's! ~ Because I don't do all of this on my own. I have an amazing support team cheering me on and they are freaking amazing!  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints. You gals are the best at keeping me motivated and getting me over my humps!  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me! Welcome back my love! You've been dearly missed!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!

I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing! I am Aurlyn on Tumblr. Thank you all so much!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary:**

Cullen promised Alistair that he was taking Friday off to recover from his 'bad day'.  
Alistair promised Cullen that he would spoil him on his day off.

Sometimes our best intentions have a way of biting us in the ass.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Lots of notes! But **no warnings** for this chapter... unless you are a menace in the kitchen. In which case; you can't possibly be as bad as Alistair!  
Maybe this update will make you feel better about your own culinary skills?  
(Cullen-ary skills?) Sorry, that was bad, even for me.

 **FYI  
**  
This piece was NOT part of the original story outline. But after the pain of the last three chapters, I felt we needed a little reprieve before moving into the next two chapter story arc. We have **Lola Auditore/Lola Vega** to thank for the prompt on what the boys would be doing the morning after! Thank you darlin' for the suggestion! I had so much fun writing poor Alistair in the kitchen! I may even forgive you for making me abuse him like that. ;)  
Normally, this 'extra' chapter would be filed with my 'one-shots', but because it fit so well within the timeline, I decided to squeeze it into the main story. You're welcome!

 **It's my prerogative!** I went round and round with myself during this chapter, trying to put Alistair's side of things into my usual third person perspective. I even wrote that section twice. But after doing that, I decided - that I _really_ like Alistair's sass and snark first person for this, so I'm pulling the "I wrote it, and I like it better this way" card (is there one of those?) The first part of this chapter is in first person-in all Alistair's glory, the rest takes us back to my usual third person perspective.

Yeah, yeah - it's inconsistent and not "right" to switch this shit up on you. But hopefully you'll still respect me in the morning. ;)

 **So, here we are... the day after Cullen's 'bad day'.**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 20**

Good Intentions

* * *

 **Alistair**

My intentions were pure; they usually are. I'd promised to spoil Cullen and take care of him. After such a rough week, he deserved a nice, relaxing day that began with breakfast in bed-at the very least.

One would think with all of my skills and training, that I would have picked up cooking along the way. Not so. As a matter of fact, when I was an active Grey Warden, our little band of misfits used to look for excuses for me _not_ to take a turn cooking the evening meal. My stews were too bland and the meat always turned out chewy. Nothing I tried to cook ever turned out right.

Oh, I know my way around a knife. In a fight, slicing cheese, or chopping vegetables; even Zevran isn't my equal. But put me next to a heat source with chunks of dead animal, and I'm completely hopeless. Even my dearly departed mabari, Brie, would turn her nose up at my cooking. And she ate damn near everything!

But those were stews and trail rations. No one in our group could really make them taste anything other than passable. Well, Lana could-but _everything_ she touches turns to gold-so we'll leave her out of this little comparison here, shall we?

 _How hard can breakfast really be?_

After brewing a pot of coffee, I decided to start my day. Before the sun was even up, I slipped out to grab a few necessities from the twenty-four-hour grocer down the street: milk, eggs, bacon, those pre-made biscuit thingies in the cans-that always _pop when they open and scare the bejeezus out of you_ -fresh berries, melon, and oranges to make fresh squeezed orange juice. Nothing fancy; just the basics.

 _What could go wrong?_

I should never… _ever_ … ask that question again.

After I laid out my ingredients, I searched the kitchen for the items I needed to make breakfast. Cookie sheet… check. Cast iron frying pan… check. Orange juicer... Ok, I'll admit it. I am many things-and for the most part, none of them are good in the kitchen-but when it comes to making drinks? I like to do it up right! That being said, I actually have two juicers. One is specifically for orange juice; it separates the pulp from the juice for perfect OJ every time! That's what the commercials told me anyway, so I simply _had_ to have one.

My other fancy juice machine is a Vitamix

tm blender. That magical creature takes whatever fruit and veggies you can imagine and turns them into a delicious beverage or soup of your creation… did I mention that it's magical? It can also make nut butters, dips, and… _cheesy things_ too! I may never need another appliance! It's beautiful-and has a permanent home on my counter between the sink and refrigerator. My kitchen would definitely be a safer place, if I'd only stick to using that blender.

The only other appliance that has a place of honor in my home is the coffee maker.

 _Yes, another drink machine!_

Mornings wouldn't be the same without either of these vital tools.

 _Hey if all else fails, I can always blend up a good breakfast for us. At least I won't screw that up!_

Bringing everything over to the kitchen island, I realized that I couldn't remember where my oven was?

 _How can someone lose their oven?_

Oh believe me-it's easy. I never use it. I think Leliana used it once; the girls brought over ingredients to make me cookies. I forget why, but I think I remember it being somewhere on the wall, hidden amongst all the matching cabinetry.

See, living in a loft, I have everything in one room. The kitchen runs along the same wall that my front door is on-just to the other side of my entryway and credenza. Sink, refrigerator, cabinets as far as the eye can see; and that's pretty far considering there's a mirror on the other side reflecting the... Well, there _was_ a mirror on that wall. That section will have to be replaced.

 _It's not the first time, and probably won't be the last._

The rest of my 'kitchen' resides on an island with a backside eating bar. That's where my cooktop is, but the oven isn't underneath. It took me opening half dozen cabinets before I finally discovered where it was hidden.

 _Oh this can't end well._

Opening the cupboard to reveal the sneaky little device, I slid the panel back into its recess, to keep it out of the way. Now… how do you turn this thing on? There's no _on/off_ switch; that would be too easy. Two knobs? One with ' _temperature'_ on it, the other ' _settings'_? Well, that's an easy one - this setting says 'Bake'-and I want to _bake_ these biscuits-so I turned that one to the indicator line. Now to figure out the temp.

Reading the tiny print on the can of biscuits, I finally found what I was looking for: 350*. Setting the temperature on the oven, I left it to preheat.

 _That's a thing, right?_

I paused for a moment to consider calling Lana for advice, but shook my head. I was doing okay so far. I'd _only_ call her if things got _really_ bad.

Turning back to the cooktop, I decided to open that _dangerous_ can to get the biscuits on the cookie sheet to rise. Wait, do you have to let canned biscuits rise? I can't remember, but getting them ready for the oven couldn't hurt. So I carefully began to pull back the paper around the outside of the can. Holding it _way_ out in front of me-away from my face-I cringed on the inside as I anticipated the inevitable _pop_ that I just knew was coming.

It didn't.

I looked at the plain brown packaging and wondered what to do next. Looking at the instructions once again, I saw that it said to gently press along the seam with a spoon.

 _Why a spoon?_

Thinking that I knew better, I gently prodded at the seam with the tip of my finger.

Nothing happened.

 _Hmmm._

With two hands, I started poking again-gently along the same seam. Nothing continued to happen. Picking up the damn thing with both hands, I decided to pry them apart using my manly muscles and savvy skills. Just as I thought that I was going to have to get out one of my daggers and whack the thing into submission, the damn thing _popped_ , scaring the crap out of me! I jumped and threw the offending can into the air. Thankfully, it landed on the cookie sheet with its biscuit goo oozing out the side of the opening I just made. My leap backwards, however, was less graceful. I crashed into the counter where I'd laid out all of the pans while searching for the cast iron skillet. I swore loudly, but the crash the pans made was even louder.

Cringing at the commotion, I just knew that Cullen couldn't have slept through that. Walking over to the bedroom door, I cracked it slightly and peeked in; expecting to meekly apologize for all the noise. But instead of Cullen's sleepy eyes, I was greeted with the sight of his glorious ass in the air, barely covered by the thin white sheet, his head stuffed under my pillow. I waited a few moments to see if he'd emerge from underneath so I could apologize, but his breathing evened out again.

Leaving him like that: face down in the mattress, knees tucked up underneath him- _that_ was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Breakfast be damned, all I wanted was to run my hands up those beautiful thighs and over that luscious ass. Groaning in sexual frustration, I opted to behave myself.

 _See, I can be good!_

Closing the door quietly behind me, I went back to my task at hand.

Biscuits… right.

I laid them all out evenly across the pan and brushed the tops with oil. _Why?_ I have no idea. I think I saw it on one of those cooking shows once? Or maybe, I saw Lana do it? It doesn't matter. They looked good sitting there patiently waiting to be put into the oven. I looked around for the instructions, but couldn't see where I'd tossed them in my excitement. Ah well, I figured that I'd probably be able to smell them when they were done. Lana never uses a timer anyway.

 _How hard could it be?_

Famous last words by someone who doesn't fully understand the gravity of the situation. Putting the biscuits in the oven, I turned to the rest of my supplies. Opting to do what came easy next: I reached for the berries and melons. Slicing them up into bite sized pieces, I set them aside in a bowl.

 _See? Knives-I can do!_

I looked at what I could do next. Juice! I can do juice. I decided to make a whole pitcher, instead of just individual glasses. Rinsing off my cutting board, I made quick work of the dozen oranges that I'd purchased, slicing them all neatly in half then running them through the juicer.

Biscuits in the oven… Check. Melons and berries sliced up… check. Juice made and in the fridge to chill… check. Ok what's next. Better check the biscuits! Peeking into the oven, I jumped back from the blast of heat that felt like it singed my face. With a very unmanly squeal, I slammed the door again, patting at my eyebrows to make sure that they were still in place.

 _Who knew 350* was so hot?_

From what I saw, the biscuits were still pasty white-clearly not ready yet. So… that left the bacon and eggs. Now, I know that I've mentioned that putting me, dead animal, and cooking together in the same sentence, isn't necessarily a good thing. In fact, statistically… it's been very, very bad.

But that was then… And this is _my_ kitchen. Surely, it couldn't be more difficult to cook on the stove than it was for me to cook over an open fire at camp.

 _Could it?_

With a deep breath, I resigned myself to finding out. Laying the skillet on the stove, I turned on the heat and hoped for the best. After a minute, I laid the first piece of bacon in the pan to a satisfying sizzle.

 _See… was that so hard?_

Laying out six pieces total, I watched as they sizzled and eventually began to shrink. The room smelled amazing. Then I realized, I hadn't gotten out a utensil to flip the bacon with. Opening the drawer, I grabbed the first thing that looked like it would work. A plastic tipped set of tongs. Setting the tips into the quickly pooling grease in the pan, I immediately saw the error of my ways. Plastic melts!

 _Why would anyone make cooking utensils that can't stand the heat?_

I quickly removed them from the pan, before they could leave any residue or contaminate the food. But, it still wasn't swift enough to save the tongs. Throwing them into the sink behind me, I grabbed a metal fork instead. Forks can't melt at least. After stabbing the bacon and successfully flipping them over. I set the fork down, back end on the stove, teeth resting on the side of the pan.

 _What? It sounded like a good idea at the time!_

While I waited for the bacon to finish cooking, I got out a plate with a towel on it to absorb the grease.

 _See, I know some things._

I learned two important lesson, in quick succession. One-metal gets fucking hot when you leave it against a heat source! And two-oil, catches fire rather quickly!

Grasping the fork-I yelped-and in my haste to rid my skin of the blisteringly hot metal, I hit the handle on the skillet. The grease that splashed out of the pan ignited, surprising me with how high the flame shot.

 _Thank the Maker, I have high ceilings!_

I vaguely remember shouting, "Andraste's Flaming Sword!" as I tried to grab at the handle. Looking around for something to put out the fire, I spotted the spray nozzle next to my sink and took only a step before Cullen was next to me, laying another frying pan over the top of my skillet, effectively extinguishing the flames.

 _What have I done?_

My hand was burnt; breakfast was ruined; I'd meant to do something special for Cullen and here he was swooping in to save my ass in my own kitchen! I tried to bury my face in my hands, but the contact hurt. The next thing I knew, I felt the warmth of his arms wrap around me, pulling me to his chest. Soft words spoken, calmed my frazzled nerves while he ran cool water over my blistered hand.

As the pain began to ebb, I noticed smoke coming from the oven.

"Uh, Alistair?" Cullen asked hesitantly. "What's in the oven?"

* * *

 **Cullen**

Cullen woke slowly to the soft feel of sheets on his bare body. He stretched and moaned as his sore muscles released the last of their tension from the night before.

He clearly remembered Alistair coming to bed after his shift ended; the gentle brush of lips across his shoulders and neck as Alistair curled around him. The feel of Alistair's freshly showered, naked body; molding perfectly to his. The look of surprise on Alistair's face as Cullen rolled them over, pinning his body to the mattress with mutual smiles to follow.

After the week he had, the need to reconnect overcame him. Work could be hard, but loving Alistair was so _easy_ and Cullen ached to show him how much he appreciated all that they were together. Sliding into the tight confines of his heat, Cullen sang his praises. With his body, he conveyed all the gratitude he couldn't find with words. With his lips, he lavished love and adoration on Alistair's mouth, face, neck, and ears.

 _Those amazing fucking ears!_

The chorus of moans as they made love-affirming their union. This was who they were, what they were meant to be. As one, connected, together. Their release washed over them amidst soft gazes, sweet caresses, and gentle kisses. The bliss that followed, pulling them both down into peaceful, contented sleep.

Wanting nothing more than to wrap himself in Alistair's embrace, Cullen rolled over to seek his lover's touch, only to find the other side of the bed-empty.

 _Where is he? He never wakes before I do._

The thought was fleeting, as he was still exhausted from the rough week he'd had. Grabbing Alistair's pillow instead, Cullen nuzzled into it and slipped back into sleep with Alistair's scent to keep him company.

Jolting awake, he sat up in bed, still holding Alistair's pillow in his arms. His breathing came in quick short gasps as he tried to piece together what had woken him up. When he heard no other sounds and the feeling of _danger_ subsided, Cullen decided that he could afford to get a little more sleep. Rolling over onto his stomach, he tucked his knees up under him and threw the extra pillow over his head to keep out the light.

Cullen woke again when he heard Alistair shout something about Andraste and her sword. Jumping out of bed, he stepped quickly into a pair of sweats that were folded neatly on a nearby chest. Running out of the bedroom, the sight that greeted him was-unexpected. Alistair was standing in the kitchen looking panicked. He was shaking his hand, swearing, as a flame at least three feet high blazed on the stove.

Cullen had a moment of panic of his own as Alistair glanced from the sink to the fire and back again.

 _NO! You don't put water on a grease fire!_

Running on pure instinct, Cullen grabbed the nearest pan and smothered the fire with it. Grabbing a towel, he removed both pans from the heat and turned off the burner before turning back toward a very frazzled Alistair.

Wrapping Alistair in his arms, Cullen did his best to soothe with calm reassurances whispered in his ear.

Alistair gasped in pain when he tried to hide his face in his hands, bringing Cullen's attention to the damage he'd done to himself. Seeing the red skin beginning to blister, Cullen led him over to the sink and very carefully ran cool water over the damaged skin.

As they both stood there chuckling softly, Cullen noticed a wisp of smoke coming from the oven.

"Uh, Alistair?" he asked hesitantly, "What's in the oven?"

"Shit! The biscuits!" Alistair started towards the oven, only to be stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Let me." Cullen turned off the oven then grabbed the potholders before opening the door, letting out a huge plume of smoke. Cullen chuckled, "Mmm, eight lumps of coal! Alistair, you shouldn't have!"

"You joke now, Mister; that was supposed to be your breakfast!"

"Hmmm. Y'know, I've been trying to limit the amount of carcinogens that I consume on a daily basis. It's not healthy you know."

Alistair giggled, "Well, there goes my grand idea of bringing you breakfast in bed!"

"Let me guess: cooking is not your forte?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?"

They looked around the room at the aftermath of Alistair's adventures that morning. Grease splatter all over the cooktop, some of it dripping from the countertop to the floor. Burnt biscuits. And Alistair's hand was badly burned.

"Should we… call Lana to help with your hand?" Cullen asked, as he cradled it gently in his palms.

"Oh, please don't. I'll never hear the end of this." Alistair rolled his eyes, then reached into the cabinet below the sink and brought out a small container with a screw top lid. Grinning at Cullen, he opened it, "Besides, I have this."

"What is that, exactly?" Cullen tilted his head, looking at the jar curiously.

"Lana got tired of healing me every time I'd burn myself cooking. So she made me my own personal salve." Rubbing the greasy looking substance into his blistered palm, a soft blue glow emanated from his hands. When it faded, Alistair's skin was smooth and blemish free. "All the healing powers of Lana; none of the snark and sass to go with it."

"Portable healing in a jar? That's pretty impressive."

"Well, it's not for _all healing_. This is specifically for me… for burns. She recharges it for me every few weeks and when I run out… she makes more."

"It's like she knows that you're a menace in the kitchen!"

"Hey! I resemble that remark! At least this time, I had you here to _swoop_ in and save the day?"

"Isn't _swooping bad,_ my love?"

"Swooping is only bad, if it's not _you_ saving my ass."

"I happen to really like your ass; it's definitely worth saving."

"What about the rest of me?"

"I suppose." Cullen winked, "You did save me from myself yesterday. It's only fair."

"And I'd do it again, in a heartbeat." Alistair's eyes softened as he wrapped his arms around Cullen, pulling him in for a kiss.

"For that knowledge, I am grateful." Cullen smirked, "And I too will endeavor to save you from yourself… in the kitchen."

"You're never going to let me live this down, are you?"

"You keep pouring the drinks, m'love. I'll handle the cooking from now on."

"It's a deal!"

* * *

 **Prompt from Lola Auditore/LolaVega: (I hope I did you justice darlin' - I sure as hell had fun writing this!)**

They need a lil bit of fluffers after that shit week. (Breakfast in bed maybe!)

 **Me - I can definitely do breakfast in bed - but who's cooking?**

Who's cooking? Maybe Alistair attempts cooking... maybe he's not so good at it, but his heart is in the right place, and there's a mess, and he burns himself and Cullen wakes up to "Andraste's flaming sword!" And as Alistair is about to break down Cullen saves the day and he finishes breakfast and then they jump into bed together?

Bonus points if you can work SWOOPING IS BAD in there!

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Since this was essentially a bonus chapter, it wasn't given the usual amount of editing that my regular chapters have been through. All mistakes are my own, but if you happen to see any glaring errors, I will be happy to fix them!

I do want to give an extra special thank you to **Lola Auditore/Lola Vega** for supporting me on this endeavor. I asked for a prompt, and you delivered! (Boy did you deliver!) Thank you for your support and for the quick read through for me!  
If I could gift a single chapter - this one would be all yours! :)

I also want to thank the ever amazing **Ponticle** for her Vitamix and Juicer enthusiasm as well as giving me a last minute edit so I don't embarrass myself too much.

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing! I am Aurlyn on Tumblr. Thank you all so much!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary:**

Someone from Alistair's past comes to call and pulls him back into a life he wanted to leave behind.

* * *

 **Notes:**

The only warning I have for this chapter... is it's painfully lacking in Cullen. I'm sorry - he needed a break. But we'll catch up to him in chapter 22! So have some Alistair to get you through.

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 21**

Warden's Oath Pt. 1

* * *

It was almost noon on a Tuesday during the second month of Autumn. Alistair was behind the counter preparing cheese trays, whistling along to a song that was stuck in his head. He looked up from his work-startled-when the front door opened. The bar didn't open for another three hours; the door _should_ have been locked-up tight.

When he heard the telltale creak of the heavy oak door, he half expected it to be Lana coming in early to help him get ready for the day. A familiar, bearded man walked through the door instead. He was dressed nondescriptly in black cargo pants, boots, and a black button down shirt. His hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, its black straggling wisps rivaling Alistair's in their unruliness. The years had been kind to his handsome mentor, he was well muscled and still fit, though his temples were speckled with more silver than black. It was a look that he wore well.

Duncan smiled at Alistair behind the bar. "Long time no see, son. You are looking well."

Setting his knife and towel down on his work surface, Alistair came out from behind the bar. "Duncan!" They grasped forearms and hugged. "You _do_ know that door was locked don't you?"

"There isn't a lock in all of Thedas that can keep me out, or have you forgotten?"

"I remember, it was you who taught me, after all. It's still disconcerting to see you just walk in, though. I didn't hear anything at all, even keys make noise when they hit the tumblers in that mechanism."

Duncan winked. "If it makes you feel any better, it _did_ take me two tries to get through; quiet or not."

"You're lying, but I appreciate you trying to make me feel better." Alistair chuckled. "So what brings you into my humble establishment, Old Man? Would you like something to drink? Are you hungry?" He motioned for Duncan to sit.

"I have been traveling, so whatever you have handy would be appreciated; thank you, Alistair."

Producing a full tray of cheese, crackers, and pretzels, Alistair then added some cold sausage when he saw how quickly Duncan was eating. He pondered what kind of threat he was chasing down-or running from-to leave him so famished. Handing him a glass of water as well as a tumbler of scotch, Alistair let the comfortable silence stretch as Duncan put away his food.

Once the majority of the food was consumed, the glass of water empty and the scotch being slowly sipped; Alistair cut to the chase, "Do I need to call in Lana before we start?"

Duncan chuckled, "Always right to the point. I've missed that. Most people I deal with spend all their time playing _The Game_ and it's bloody tiresome." He smiled affectionately at Alistair, "Yes, call Lana in."

Alistair frowned causing Duncan to reassure him, "Don't worry, son, we will not be taking her with us when we leave. She should know what's going on though."

Alistair nodded; disquiet flittering across his face. He wasn't surprised that Duncan was here now to put him to work; he expected it to happen occasionally. Resigned, he sent a quick text to Lana.

 **[12:33]**

 **Alistair:** Hey, hun. Duncan's here. Wants to speak to both of us.

 **Alistair:** Looks like he's only requiring me again this trip, but says you should be here for the briefing.

 **Lana:** I will be there in ten, Alistair. Don't start without me.

 **Alistair:** Too late, but I'm sure you can catch up.

 **Alistair:** See you soon.

Alistair pocketed his phone again, "Lana's on her way. Is everything ok?"

Duncan shook his head. "You know I wouldn't be here if it was. There's something going on in Orlais. Too many questionable deaths that are starting to spark rumors; and it leads me to believe that something is brewing behind the veil." He smiled apologetically, "I am sorry to have to reactivate you, Alistair. You know that right? If I had any other choice, I would leave you and Lana to your lives. But, right now, I just don't have the manpower available to bring in a proper sized crew for this. If I'm only going to have one person at my back-I'd rather have you. You're the best I've got."

"Now you're just trying to butter me up."

"Flattery is one thing, but this is truth. I _should_ have at least five Warden's for this clean up. Not only are we crossing the veil to deal with the darkspawn, we've got to soothe the general populace of Orlais too. We're stretched pretty thin right now. I need someone who knows the area, who's quick on their toes, not afraid to get their hands dirty, _and_ someone who is just as good at talking circles around people as they are at keeping us both alive. I need- _you_ , Alistair."

Alistair dipped his head at the complement, the tips of his ears flushing pink. "But not Lana?"

Duncan lowered his eyes and sighed with regret, "No, Alistair. I promised you that I would not reinstate her unless I had no other choice. She has suffered too much in our service, already. Her sensitivities-far greater than any of us could have predicted. I will _not_ do that to her again; she has more than earned her respite."

Alistair choked up remembering how battered and broken Lana became facing off against so much death, destruction, and hatred day after day. She was the reason he fought to break free of the order's chains. To terminate-or rather, pause-their contracts in time. It was for _her_ health and well being that he gave up the only life he'd ever wanted; and he would do it again in a heartbeat.

Lana meant the world to Alistair. She had since the day they met. It'd never been sexual, but he still needed her presence in his life; like oxygen. They were tied at the heart-family. When he was lost and felt alone, she was the one there; leading him forward; comforting him-or kicking him in the ass-depending on what he needed most.

When her health began to decline and her mind began to splinter from the strain of their burden, he could have fought to just have her released. He could have remained behind and continued serving the Wardens himself, but separating from her was as unthinkable as chopping off his own hand. They were a team, two parts of the same whole, and he'd long ago accepted that.

"Thank you, Duncan." He smiled gratefully, "Separating from the order has been so good for her; she is completely different now, more relaxed and genuinely happy. I wouldn't want to take that from her either. Even for a short while."

Duncan nodded in understanding. From the moment he recruited Lana and introduced her to Alistair, there was a connection between the two of them. He used to secretly hope that Alistair and Lana would find a romantic connection together. Sometimes, however, history is doomed to repeat itself. It became apparent early on that Lana and Alistair's relationship was to be as his was with Fiona. A bond in arms; family-by-heart. Content, happy together, and ultimately devoted to each other's safety and well being; but beyond that, there was never anything more.

Duncan would have gladly taken Fiona's place in her final battle if he could have. His Commander, at the time, ordered him to a fight elsewhere when he sent her into the Deep Roads to face a darkspawn invasion. A rare excursion separating the two battle veterans. It turned out to be her last. Duncan often wondered if she would have survived, if he'd been allowed to be where he belonged-fighting at her back. But that was a question that could never be answered.

When she perished, he almost didn't survive himself. He was so broken hearted and lost without her. If it weren't for Alistair still needing him, Duncan would have given up long ago, he owed it to her to carry on. He may not have Fiona any longer, but he still has the closest thing to a son, he's ever known.

 _Oh, Fiona. You would love the man he's grown into! You'd be so proud of him. He's strong, smart, handsome, and battle bonded to his own headstrong, elven mage._

Alistair could tell that Duncan was traveling down a dark path with his thoughts. Bringing him back to the present, he asked, "So, when will we be leaving?"

"I'd like to leave as soon as possible. _Today_ , actually, if you'd let me tear you away. But I realize you have a business to run and may need to find coverage."

Alistair nodded, "I'm sure I can get Zevran to cover for me and if we're not bringing Lana, that will leave her and Leli here to watch over things while I'm away."

"Will you be ready to leave tonight?" Duncan asked, sounding anxious.

"Actually… I need to say goodbye to someone first. It's- _he's-_ important to me. I would prefer to leave at first light-if we have the time to spare." Alistair was studiously watching Duncan for his reaction. He noticed the surprised expression and raised eyebrow before it was replaced with a genuine smile.

"I hadn't realized that you'd met someone. Does he know what you do when you're not pouring drinks?"

Alistair smiled, "He does, but before you start preaching to me about our oath of secrecy, you should know that he is a _true_ -Templar-or at least _was;_ before he left the order. And, he's had dealings with Wardens before, so our purpose isn't unknown to him either. I'm not sure what happened, but whatever it was, it wasn't pleasant for him." Alistair sighed as he thought about his lover's PTSD; thankful that he had recovered so much from his days of needing Dorian on a daily basis.

"I only know of one _former_ Templar that had the sight. Templars leaving the order are about as rare as Warden's retiring, you know." Duncan winked at Alistair. "Would this new interest of yours happen to be named, Rutherford?"

Alistair's eyes widened, "You've met him?"

Duncan carefully cleared his face to reveal nothing. "I have not. I only know him by reputation and from what I've heard, he is an honorable and good man." It wasn't his place to tell Alistair if Cullen hadn't told him already. As Lana's Commander, Duncan read the full report, but never met the man himself. He found it even more interesting that it seemed Lana was keeping the secret as well. He would have to remember to ask her about it later.

"He's both," Alistair sighed wistfully, "and so much more."

"So tell me," Duncan smirked, "does he treat you well? What does he do for a living, now that he has left the order? Is he deserving of you?"

"Are you asking as a Warden? Or as a Friend?" Alistair chuckled.

"I'm asking as someone who cares about your happiness." He smiled affectionately, "I'm also asking because I know that your mother would have wanted me too, as your guardian _and_ as your friend."

"He is a detective now," Alistair began, "and yes, Cullen treats me better than I ever thought I deserved. I can't even begin to put into words how he makes me feel. As for if he's deserving of me? I can't even begin to know, but if it helps, Lana approves."

Chuckling at Alistair's flushed cheeks, Duncan said, "I'm sure she does."

As if on cue, Alistair heard keys jingling in the lock followed by Lana and Leliana walking in.

"They're disgustingly adorable together, I'll give them that." Lana said cheekily. "And you know I would have sent word to you directly if I thought they weren't taking care of each other. Alistair only listens to me so much, after all." She wrapped her arms around the old Warden, hugging him tightly. "It's good to see you, Duncan." Genuine affection heavy in her voice.

"It's good to see you too, Lana. You are looking well. Married life seems to suit you." He looked pointedly at Leliana, embracing her next, "I trust she's not making your life too difficult, little nightingale?"

"Only every day, and worth every minute of it!" Leliana grinned.

Lana sat next to Duncan, getting right down to business. "So, how long are you going to have him for?"

Duncan replied, "I don't see this taking any longer than three weeks. But you never know with these things. I will have him back as soon as possible; I promise you."

"You'll make sure that he behaves himself, takes his vitamins, and eats regularly?"

"Yes, Lana, I will. And I promise not to let him do any of the cooking either."

"You guys do realize that I'm standing right here, don't you? You sound like you're discussing your shared visitation rights and I'm the child in question." He shook his head laughing.

"Well, you are my favorite man-child, Ali." Lana said teasingly. "And you know, Cullen's going to want to make sure you're taking care of yourself as well. So I might as well get it out of the way now. That way you can focus on… other things when you see him." She grinned wickedly, patting him on the cheek, then went about making arrangements to cover the bar while Alistair talked more with Duncan.

"Thank you for allowing me tonight, I really do appreciate it. Cullen and I have discussed me being needed periodically, so this won't come as a complete surprise to him. He's also aware that I won't always have the luxury of being able to say goodbye in person, so… I'm sure he will appreciate this as well."

"Now that I know, I will do my best to be able to give you fair warning. But you know, I'm not the only one that may come claim you."

"I know, but thank you for this time all the same." Alistair smiled and gripped Duncan's shoulder. "You are welcome to my loft tonight. I'm assuming you haven't made other arrangements since you were planning on us leaving straight away. Please make yourself at home. I will be back before first light-I promise."

He started to walk away, then turned back with a smirk, "I'd offer you a key, but as you said, there's not a lock in all of Thedas that can keep you out. Though I would like to see you try to get into Cullen's Jeep… just once." He chuckled then hugged his friend one last time before excusing himself to head upstairs to prepare.

* * *

Alistair packed his travel satchel, finished prepping and polishing his armor and long sword, and was working on his daggers when Lana came in and sat next to him.

"You ok, Hun?" she asked tentatively, wrapping one arm around his waist.

He leaned into her. "You know better than anyone how I'm doing. I'm ok enough with the mission. It's never the same without you at my back, but Duncan isn't a bad second choice to work with. He's a bit larger to try to protect though." He grinned and ruffled her hair. "You're so tiny, I could just put you in my pocket to hide you from all the bad guys." He laughed at the old joke they shared as she smacked him in the shoulder. Truth be told, Lana never really needed protecting in battle. She was actually quite fearsome to behold, which always made Alistair grateful that she was on his side.

Knowing that he'd be going into battle without his favorite healer and security blanket, made him realize how much he was going to miss Cullen as well. They'd prepared for the fact that he'd have to cross the veil again at some point, but for the first time, Alistair thought about what that would mean for them logistically. There's no communication across the veil. Alistair wouldn't know if he was safe while he was gone. Nor would Cullen know if something were to happen to _him_. It was a very lonely feeling and bothered him more than he'd care to admit.

"You're worried about not being able to check in with Cullen while you're away?" It was more of statement than a fact.

Alistair sighed, "I am. I don't want him to worry unnecessarily and you know I'll be worrying about him as well. I just wish there was some way we could communicate while I'm gone."

"The veil plays havoc on electronics; you know that."

"I do. Makes me wish someone would invent a mechanical phone that could pass through. Hey! Why don't you work on that while I'm away? That would be swell, thanks!" He smiled, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. His playful tone put away, replaced with resignation and… sadness, "Will you… keep watch over him for me while I'm gone?"

Lana nodded. "You know that you don't need to ask. I'll even make sure no one sits in his seat at the bar while you're gone." She winked.

"If I… um. Could you do me another favor while I'm gone?" He blushed as he hesitated.

Lana's grin grew wider as she responded before he could finish his question, "Of course I'll continue to send Cullen his weekly rose in your absence. Monday morning deliveries, _blessed_ by yours truly, as if you never left. You are a cheesy romantic, you know that?" she teased. "You need to write the notes yourself though; I don't think I could do your sentiment justice."

He hugged her tightly and whispered into her hair, his voice choked with emotion, "Thanks, hun."

"I'll miss you too, you big sentimental lug. Be safe for me while you're gone, okay? I won't be there to heal you should anything happen. Take your potions with you too- _lots_ of potions, and probably your salve. I don't want to lose you because you've gone and done something stupid like not pack enough healing potions, poultices, and bandages."

"Yes, mother." He replied affectionately, before adding with a sigh, "I know you'll likely be the first to get any word should something happen during my trip. Will you pass on any information you get to him for me? He's not a Warden and we're not… _married_ , so he doesn't technically have any right to the information, but still. I would feel better knowing that he could be reassured somehow."

Lana smiled. "There will be no need for any ominous messages, but you know I will share whatever I hear if it will help ease his heart about you. Speaking of, shouldn't you be finishing up so you can get out of here to go see him? There are only so many hours between now and first light. Only so many positions the two of you can squeeze into such a short period of time. You better get started."

She laughed as Alistair's cheeks turned bright red, then removed the daggers from his grip and shooed him off, "I'll finish these. Go write your notes then spend time with Cullen. I'm sure he'll appreciate getting as much time with you as possible before you have to leave. And Alistair?"

He looked at her expectantly.

"Don't worry; we'll take care of him, just keep yourself safe."

He wrapped his arms around her again and kissed her softly on her forehead. "What would I ever do without you?"

"Let's not find out, shall we? Now scoot!" She chuckled and shoved him.

Alistair left five notes on the credenza, numbered consecutively. Duncan said they'd be gone a maximum of three weeks, but he didn't want there to be a lapse in delivery if his mission ran longer. The spell on the vase, relied on the regular refreshers the roses provided. He knew it was silly, but besides the protection, sending Cullen a weekly rose and a note made him happy. He loved doing little things to let Cullen know that he was always on his mind.

At first, he worried that it was _too_ cheesy or that Cullen wouldn't appreciate these little affections, but one day in his office, Alistair noticed that Cullen had a drawer cleared out and dedicated to all the little things that he'd sent him. There was a bowl filled with all of the dried rose buds from previous weeks' flowers and a box that contained all of the notes that he'd written him, cataloged by date of delivery.

 _He really is to be too good to be true._

Content that he'd done all that he could to prepare for the journey, Alistair showered quickly, then headed over to the precinct to share the news. He knew Cullen would understand. They'd talked about this eventuality after all, but it still meant that they wouldn't be together for several weeks and they'd become accustomed to seeing each other on a fairly regular basis.

This was new and unknown territory for them.

Alistair was really going to miss him.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

In case you haven't gotten the hint yet - this Alistair is not the warrior he is in game. He takes after Duncan, therefor... **rogue** (with some martial arts and acrobatics thrown in-because I can, damnit!)

* * *

 **I appreciate everyone who's stayed with me this far! Thank you for letting me share this little obsession of mine with you!**

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints. You gals are the best at keeping me motivated and getting me over my humps!  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, she was there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!

 **I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!**

* * *

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing! I am Aurlyn on Tumblr. Thank you all so much!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary:**

Alistair's pulled back into the Wardening world. (It's like the Wizarding world-but different)  
Cullen must learn to cope without him.  
Alistair returns to _quite_ the welcome from Cullen.

Varric takes bets...

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **NSFW Chapter:** Our boys enjoy some sexy fun time.  
~There's some mild allusion in the second section and a lot more explicit at the end.~  
(psst Cullen's back in this chapter...yay!)

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 22**

Warden's Oath Pt. 2

* * *

Officer Jim was closest to the door when Alistair walked in. He did a double take, noting the lack of playfulness on his features. Remembering his manners, the young officer greeted him, "Mr. Theirin! It's nice to see you again. Would you like me to get the boss for you?"

Alistair shook his head, "That's ok, Jim." he smiled, though it didn't touch his eyes, "I think I can find my way-assuming he's in his office, of course."

Jim nodded, "He is. Just working on reports. Go on in, Sir."

Alistair padded quietly over to the office, pausing just outside the closed door, he took a deep and knocked.

"Come in." Came the gruff reply.

 _Well, here we go._

Shutting the door behind him, he approached the desk and flopped into the chair across from Cullen, draping one knee over the arm.

Cullen looked up and smiled, "Playing hooky again, love?" Then noting Alistair's unusually serious expression, he cocked his head to one side, "What's wrong?"

Ignoring the question, Alistair smiled at Cullen behind his desk. His look, both longing and wistful, "I could sit and watch you work all day." Alistair began.

"You could, but I probably wouldn't get much done. You _are_ quite distracting." Cullen smiled, then noticed the underlying tension in Alistair's shoulders, "So, are you going to tell me what's going on? Or, am I going to have to guess?"

Alistair sighed, "Duncan's in town; I've got orders."

Taking a moment to think, Cullen walked around to the other side of the desk. "How long do we have before you leave?"

"He wanted to depart right away, but I convinced him to give us until morning." Alistair took in the sight of Cullen leaning against the desk, his hard body relaxed and comfortable, his gaze intense. He wanted to remember _everything_ about him. From the shine of his shoes to his impeccably pressed suit to the adorable quirk of his half smile, which only made the scar on his lip beg to be kissed. These were the images he wanted to take with him when he entered the fade.

Cullen smiled reassuringly, "Well we knew this would happen sooner or later. I know most of your work is secret, but is there _anything_ you can share with me about this mission? How long you'll be gone perhaps?"

Alistair stood and wrapped his arms around Cullen's waist, "All I can tell you, is that we're heading to Orlais and that I should expect to be gone up to three weeks. I've prepared for five, but I'm hoping to come home sooner." He smiled coyly before pressing his lips to Cullen's; soft, supple, perfectly molding to his own. "Mmm I'm really going to miss those while I'm gone." He admitted breathlessly.

"Me too." Cullen responded with his hands resting on Alistair's hips, their foreheads touching. "At least we have tonight. We won't always get this time for a proper goodbye."

"No, probably not. I, for one, am thankful for this." He ran his hands up and down Cullen's back, savoring the feel of his muscles beneath his shirt. He suddenly chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Duncan actually did a double take when I asked for extra time. He was surprised when I told him about you. He may have given up hope for me ever finding someone with how he reacted. Then... the interrogation started." Alistair finished with a wink.

"Oh? How so?"

"Oh you know, the usual _parental_ questions. He wanted to know what you did, if you treated me well, if I was happy."

Cullen quirked a smile, "I hope I passed the test."

"With flying colors."

"Will I be meeting him before you leave?"

Alistair shook his head, "Probably not. I know he'd like to meet you, but sadly, there isn't time and I don't really want to share you tonight. Call me selfish." Alistair shrugged, "You will though, when I'm not being swept away to save the world… again."

"A Warden's work is never done. You'll have Duncan with you though, at least I'll know you'll be safer with someone who cares about you at your back." Cullen was being more understanding than Alistair dared to hope for.

"Duncan's been doing this a long time. Other than Lana, there's no other Warden I would rather have with me wading into battle."

"So, if it isn't that, what is it about this mission that's bothering you?"

Alistair paused and pondered the question, then grinned, "You are too damn perceptive for your own good, Detective." He chuckled.

"You don't like secrets anyway, so out with it. What has you so tense?" He ran his hands expertly over Alistair's trapezius muscles, gently massaging them enough to show their tension had been noted.

Alistair took a deep breath then blew it out slowly. He melted into Cullen's chest and tried to relax the offending muscles that had given him away. He finally admitted, "We will be separated by the veil while I'm gone. I will have no way to contact you; no way to let you know I'm okay, to see how you're doing or even to just let you know that I'm thinking about you. Not being able to check in with you for so long is going to drive me crazy." He laughed ruefully. "I've never had anyone waiting for me to get back before-except Mother Natalie, but she doesn't _really_ count, and Lana doesn't come with me anymore."

"Lana's not going with you?" Cullen seemed surprised.

"No. They will only reactivate her, if there are no other options. She's safe from that life-for now. She'll be staying here, to watch over the bar with Zev and Leli."

Cullen nodded, "I can't say that I'm looking forward to the radio silence, but I have faith. We'll make it through."

"I know we will." Alistair whispered in response, holding Cullen tightly.

"Hey," Cullen murmured into Alistair's ear. Just because we won't be able to talk while you're gone, doesn't mean that I can't send you off with a reminder of how much you mean to me."

"Well… that _is_ kind of what I was hoping for when I asked to spend the whole night with you." Alistair winked lasciviously. "I want to feel it for a few days at least."

Chuckling, Cullen tightened his arms around Alistair, then kissed the tip of his nose, "Well, that goes without saying-once I get you home, that is. But for now, I want to give you something that's suitably cheesy. I think you'll approve."

"Oh?" Alistair asked,"You know there's nothing I like more than a bit of cheese. It happens to be one of my all time favorite things-next to you of course."

"Yes… I know. It's nice to know that I rank higher than cheese." Cullen laughed, "close your eyes."

Alistair quirked an eyebrow, kissed the scar on Cullen's lip, then closed his eyes.

"Put out your hand." Cullen whispered against his cheek before kissing it gently. He felt Alistair raise his left hand-palm up-as he was instructed.

Pulling his lucky token from his pocket, Cullen placed the old worn coin in the palm of Alistair's hand. "My… brother gave me this, on the day I left for Templar training. I think it was just a simple coin he happened to have in his pocket at the time, but he told me it was for luck. I've… carried it with me ever since. Through all I've experienced, everything I've endured, I've somehow managed to prevail." Taking a deep breath, he added, "I don't know exactly what you'll be walking into; a little luck can't hurt."

Alistair looked at the small silver coin in the palm of his hand. The image of Andraste almost fully worn away from years of worry and use. "Cullen I… I don't know what to say. Thank you!"

"It's not too cheesy then?" Cullen's almost bashful expression began to melt away.

"There is no such thing as _too_ cheesy. Especially when it comes to you!" Alistair pulled Cullen in for a deep kiss, their hands still clasped together around the coin.

Parting from their kiss, Alistair's eyes were shining with emotion. This was the first tangible item that Cullen had given him. They knew that they loved each other. Alistair never felt the need to keep something solid with him as a reminder. Knowing that he would be leaving for several weeks and be unable to have any contact with Cullen at all, made him appreciate the coin in ways he never thought possible.

Kissing Cullen's fingers still wrapped around his fist, Alistair whispered, "I will keep it safe, always."

Cullen gently wiped away the single tear that collected in the corner of Alistair's eye, then kissed the spot his finger dusted over, "Good. I know it's foolish but... I'm glad."

They held each other tightly as they reveled in their shared affections. Resting his forehead against Alistair's, Cullen whispered, "Please… promise me that you'll keep yourself safe, and fight like hell to come back to me. If you do that, I will wait for you for as long as it takes."

"I can handle that. I have luck on my side now, remember?" Alistair smiled softly.

"That's less comforting than I hoped it would be."

"I'm going to miss you terribly, you know. We may need to take a vacation once I get back. So we can uh... make up for lost time." That telltale mischievous glint was back in his eyes.

"I may hold you to that." Cullen grinned then added with his own mischievousness. "Let's get out of here. I want to spend as much time with you as I can before you leave; with as little clothes on as possible." Cullen breathed heatedly before sealing his lips to Alistair's once more.

* * *

Leaving work early, Cullen took Alistair by the hand and led him out of the building. He didn't stop to explain to his team or bid them a goodbye. His expression, as they left, enough to still the tongues of even his most snarky officers. He knew he had only _this_ night to spend with Alistair and he was determined to make the most of it.

Cullen took his time, solidifying into memory Alistair's body under his, the moans escaping his mouth as he gave in to his desire, and the scent of sweat and sex as it permeated the room. Their lovemaking was slow and sweet. Every touch and caress, filled with as much love and adoration as he could put into them. His kisses driven by desperation-not knowing when he'd get the chance to be with Alistair again.

Their passions were insatiable, only stopping briefly to eat when Mr. Chen delivered their dinner. They couldn't get enough of each other. It would be their last time for awhile, so they were determined to enjoy as much of each other as possible. When their bodies needed rest, they lay together caressing, touching, kissing; until they were ready to go again. At some point, Cullen realized that they would both likely be sore afterwards. Showing Alistair how much he loved him made the potential for any future aches, completely worth it.

Cullen began to drift off shortly before dawn. He was laying on his back gazing into Alistair's eyes, completely sated and content. He was wrapped comfortably in his arms, the sweet smell of Alistair permeating the room and his taste still fresh on his tongue. With the last of his conscious energy, he reached his hand up and gently brushed Alistair's cheek. "Not tired yet, sweetheart?" Cullen asked, his voice heavy with exhaustion.

"I'd like to claim that it's my Warden stamina that has me still awake and not starting to doze with you. But you have managed to drain even the last of that reserve." He smiled and brushed a curl from Cullen's forehead, "I just… don't want to miss a moment of this. Duncan can drive while I sleep for the first part of our journey. You, however, need to be at work in a few hours. You should sleep."

Cullen mumbled, losing his battle, "You just like watching me sleep."

Alistair's lips quirked as Cullen's eyes closed. Pulling him to his chest, he whispered, "I do at that. Sleep well, my love. I will be home before you know it." He kissed Cullen's forehead as he began to relax into sleep.

Cullen managed a faint, "I love you, Alistair. Please stay safe." before his breathing deepened and evened out, having completely lost his battle with consciousness.

Alistair whispered back, "I love you too, Cullen. I'll miss you."

* * *

Cullen woke a couple of hours later to an empty bed, with only a note and a single rose on his nightstand. His body ached in the most delicious ways, his heart full enough to carry him through, no matter how long this mission would take. Smiling at the gifts, he picked up the rose, bringing it close to inhale its scent as he read the note.

My Dearest Cullen,

I wish I didn't have to leave you. I am thankful that you understand duty and obligation. It makes having to go, that much easier. I will be thinking of you often while I'm away. Please try not to worry. I know that's easier said than done-believe me. I will be back home again before you know it. Thank you for an amazing night and thank you for entrusting me with your _lucky_ coin. I will cherish it always.

All my love,

~Alistair~

* * *

The first day with Alistair gone trudged along painfully slow in his sleep deprived state. Cullen knew that they would be spending the whole day traveling, so he wasn't yet worried for Alistair's safety. He felt his absence greatly though, as if a vital piece of himself was missing.

Cullen decided to head to the chantry for comfort after work. There wasn't much he could do to aid Alistair in his quest, but adding a daily prayer for his safe return was certainly within his abilities. He hoped that it would bring them both some comfort and peace of mind.

When he arrived, Mother Natalie greeted him warmly. Then she took a closer look, "What's wrong child? Is everything ok with Alistair?" She was nothing if not perceptive.

He smiled a bit wistfully and said, "He's fine, for the moment. But he… he left this morning to-work away from home." Cullen said cautiously, looking around to confirm that no one else was near enough to overhear their conversation.

"Ah, I see." She said in understanding. "It is always difficult when he works at his 'other' job." She linked her arm with Cullen's as they proceeded toward the altar. "Do you mind if I sit with you awhile? I would like to say a prayer for him as well."

Smiling, he nodded in acceptance. "I would like that. I plan on being here a lot more with him gone. I hope you don't get sick of me."

"You are always welcome here, child, and I will add my own prayers as well." She offered to his smile of gratitude.

They lit their candles for Alistair then sat in companionable silence as they sent their silent prayers to the Maker and his bride. Before he left, Mother Natalie hugged him gently, "You have such a good heart, Knight-Commander. Alistair is very lucky to have you supporting him here on the homefront."

"Thank you, Mother Natalie, for everything." Cullen smiled sheepishly. "I will see you tomorrow." He bid her farewell and headed over to the gym to try to distract himself further.

* * *

By the end of the day on Thursday, Cullen knew that he needed the familiarity of his old routine and friendly faces to make it through. If anyone felt Alistair's absence and could commiserate with him, it would be Lana.

Walking into the bar after work and his quick visit to the Chantry, he was met with the lilting voice of Leliana singing an old song about Grey Wardens. Sharing a smile with both women, he took his place at the end of the bar.

Lana handed him his drink, "I was wondering if you'd be visiting us while he was away. I'm glad that you're here." her smile was genuine and welcoming.

"Routines bring me comfort. And being here reminds me of… him." Cullen took a sip of his whiskey and savored the smooth texture.

"You are always welcome here dear. We miss him too." She smiled reassuringly as she laid her hand over the top of his. "Everything is as he left it upstairs; should you wish to stay. I know he wouldn't mind at all."

Cullen nodded his thanks as he worked on his drink.

Lana hesitated briefly before adding, "I want you to know, before he left… Alistair made me promise to let you know if I heard anything… work related." She said cautiously.

His eyes widened in understanding, before nodding. "I would appreciate that. I know it's… outside of regulation, but it helps to know that you'll keep me in the loop. Thank you."

"It's my pleasure. You're part of this little family too. We watch out for each other, don't say I didn't warn you." She smirked before heading off to take care of her other customers.

* * *

The first week of Alistair's mission passed without issue and Monday rolled around again. Cullen became used to receiving a package every Monday around ten a.m. He started getting wistful as the hour approached but knew that with Alistair away, he wouldn't be receiving one. Looking at the rose on his desk that had already begun to wilt, Cullen sighed with longing. He missed Alistair dearly and wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him again.

A knock on his door brought him out of his wistful musings. Looking at the clock, he dimly noted the time and beckoned for his Lieutenant to enter.

Rylen always delivered the nondescript white box as if he didn't know what it contained. When he entered, carrying the very familiar package, Cullen's eyes lit up. He wondered if it meant that Alistair was back. Thanking his Lieutenant, he waited until he left before opening the box.

It was-as he'd expected-another rose for his little vase and a note folded neatly, written in Alistair's handwriting.

* * *

My Beloved,

I wish I could be delivering this rose in person. Letting you know that I am home again safe and sound. Unfortunately if you are reading this _particular_ note, it means that I am still out on mission and unable to be there with you. Please know that I am thinking about you often and missing you terribly. Our first week apart is almost over and I hope that this rose will be a reminder of how much I love you and am no doubt wishing I could be with you, right now. Please be safe in my absence and I will endeavor to do the same for you.

Loving you Always,

~Alistair~

P.S.

Thank you again for the coin, I had Lana fashion it into a pendant for me as soon as I got back to the bar. It hangs right over my heart, where you belong. (cheesy, I know) I miss you already. ~A~

Cullen sighed with longing as he picked up the rose and ran it across his lips. Not nearly as soft as Alistair's, but it was the closest thing he had for the moment; it would have to do.

* * *

One week stretched into two. Cullen heard nothing from Alistair except for his two Monday roses and pre-written notes-the latter, he carried with him everywhere. He continued to visit the bar on Tuesdays and Thursdays, as he did in the beginning. The routine bringing him comfort and consistency which helped to sooth his worry. Seeing his friends and knowing that they hadn't heard anything was reassuring. He chose to take that as a good sign and just did his best to remain patient.

On two occasions, when he was missing Alistair the most, Cullen took Lana up on her offer and stayed upstairs in the loft. It felt like him. He couldn't bring himself to sleep in the bed without Alistair, though, so he snuggled up on the oversized sofa with one of his pillows and watch their favorite movies. He knew it was cheesy, but that was the point. In his heart, he knew that Alistair would approve.

* * *

On the thirteenth day, Cullen was sitting at his desk filling out reports when his phone began to vibrate. Looking down at it, his face lit up as he read:

 **[14:35]**

 **Alistair:** Miss me?

 **Cullen:** Thank the Maker!

 **Alistair:** I'll take that as a yes.

 **Cullen:** Where are you?

 **Alistair:** Where would you like me to be?

 **Cullen:** Here, in my arms. The quicker the better!

 **Alistair:** Glad we're on the same page with that. I just got home. Are you busy tonight?

 **Cullen:** Well… my favorite bartender just got back into town and unless he's got other plans, we have some lost time to make up.

 **Alistair:** I like the sound of that. How early can you get out of there?

 **Cullen:** I'm just working on reports. For you, I will leave anytime.

 **Alistair:** Good. I will be there in thirty minutes to pick you up. I've missed you so much and can't wait to see you.

 **Cullen:** I've missed you too. See you soon!

The next thirty minutes went by in a flash as Cullen finished a few quick reports, tidied up his desk, and let his mind wander about what exactly he wanted to do to Alistair first. His heart was racing as he checked his appearance in the mirror and waited with his door slightly ajar so he could hear when Alistair entered the outer office.

As he heard the first telltale, "Hello, Mr. Theirin, long time no see." Cullen silently slipped behind the door to wait.

* * *

Alistair tapped his knuckles lightly on the door then slipped into the office, stopping when he reached the middle. He noted briefly the empty desk where he anticipated Cullen to be sitting. Before he could take in more than the missing Commander, he heard the door close and lock behind him. Smiling with excitement and anticipation, he turned slowly to find Cullen standing with his back against the office door, grinning at him with a relief laden smile.

He'd missed Cullen immensely. Hair perfectly molded to his head, curls straightened and held cleanly in place with styling product. Tan slacks, a burgundy button down shirt with a tan tie. His only accessories were his golden, Sword of Andraste tie tack, belt, and leather gun holster strapped around his shoulders as it always was while he worked. The sight of him, never failed to take Alistair's breath away.

* * *

Looking Alistair up and down, Cullen took in the sight before him. Relaxed blue jeans and a form fitting black t-shirt, hair spiked in perfect disarray while his eyes twinkled with affection and mischief. It was a look that never failed to warm his heart and weaken his knees. The near two weeks away, only compounding the effects he had on him.

"You are a sight for sore eyes. I thought I wouldn't get to see you for at least another week." Cullen closed the space between them, gently snaking his arms around Alistair, holding him close-breathing him in.

Alistair admitted, "Let's just say, I was motivated to finish the job early."

"Oh yeah? What exactly was your motivation? No cheese behind the veil?" Cullen's words were playful.

"Do you really have to ask?" Alistair nuzzled his face into the crook of Cullen's neck while he ran his hands up and down his back, humming in contentment.

After several precious moments holding one another, Cullen pulled back just far enough to be able to take a good long look at Alistair. Other than a recently healed cut under his left eye, he seemed to be fine. Cupping Alistair's face, pressed his lips to the new scar, "You seem to be mostly intact. Anything I need to be particularly gentle with?"

Alistair shook his head, "No, sweetheart. Lana's already given me the once over and healed what she could. I am just fine."

"Good to know." Cullen said with barely contained relief. Unable to hold back any longer, his eyes flicked down to Alistair's lips before claiming them. They connected with a sigh of contentment, completeness, of being home. Their tongues dancing together, relearning and memorizing the taste and feel of each other. Hands and arms holding on tightly, unwilling to let go.

As he clung to Alistair, their kisses grew more heated. Alistair was home and safe, and a very feral part of Cullen wanted to feel him in the most intimate of ways. He needed the reassurance that he wasn't dreaming.

Spinning them both around, he pushed Alistair up against his office door with a small thump. Pressing their bodies even closer together, he ground his arousal up against the similar bulge in Alistair's jeans. Their kisses were intense and beautiful.

 _Sweet Maker I've missed this!_

"Mmm." Cullen grunted as he pressed their bodies tighter together. Feeling his desire reflected in Alistair, he contemplated behaving until they could get to someplace more private. "Maybe we should get out of here before we… Sweet Maker, you are…"

"All yours, Commander." Alistair grinned cheekily then added as a half-hearted dare, "The door's locked, blinds are drawn, and we're all alone, whatever will you do with me?"

Cullen chuckled darkly. He knew Alistair was bluffing and didn't expect him to do anything inappropriate while at work. The thought of breaking free from his usually proper demeanor, spun Cullen's mind with wantonness. He ran his nose up Alistair's neck, breathing him in then flicked his tongue across his ear, earning him a low throaty moan. "I have many things I'd love to do to you once I get you home, my love. But for now..." He left the thought hanging as he began to kiss his way down Alistair's perfect body.

He lifted Alistair's shirt, allowing him to circle his tongue around each nipple before descending lower. Cullen's knees hit the floor as he began to work Alistair's jeans open.

Alistair gasped, "Cullen… are you sure you want to do that… here?" To say that Alistair sounded surprised was an understatement.

Grinning mischievously into Alistair's lust blown eyes, Cullen whispered, "Shhh, my love, just don't let them hear you." Then pulled Alistair's jeans down to his thighs, freeing his bulging cock from its confines. Licking his lips, he wasted no time in taking Alistair into his mouth.

Letting his head rest gently against the door, Alistair whispered, "Maker's breath!" as Cullen lavished love on his throbbing cock. His back pressed firmly against the cool wood, he held perfectly still, trying to stifle the sounds that Cullen was cruelly coaxing from him. He wasn't making it easy. Needing something to do with his hands, Alistair gripped Cullen's hair, freeing it from its product, releasing his curls so he could run his fingers through it and grip it tightly. Alistair pulled and pushed him where he wanted him most; simultaneously setting the pace while surrendering completely.

Cullen moaned softly, as he enjoyed the feeling of Alistair's hands through his hair. Looking up as he lavished attentions on Alistair with his tongue, Cullen's breath hitched at how incredibly beautiful he looked; head thrown back in pleasure, eyes closed, bottom lip held securely between his teeth as he tried to stifle the moans that Cullen was pulling from him.

 _He is breathtaking!_

Cullen gripped the velvety smooth shaft with his hand as he tasted, sucked, and tongued the rigid rod before him. Then he began to stroke in earnest. Licking his way from base to tip then back down again, he lubricated the length with his saliva. Taking one testical gently inside his mouth, then the other, he rolled them around and savored each while his hand continued to stroke Alistair's length.

Cullen tasted the fluid's leaking freely from the tip of Alistair's cock. He savored the tangy saltiness he missed so much while Alistair was gone. Moaning quietly with his own pleasure, he wrapped his lips around Alistair's cock and swallowed as much of his considerable length as he was able. His hands never pausing in their stroking, Alistair's hips thrusting in unison.

He only had a moment's warning when Alistair's body tensed in ecstasy; hot come splashing deep inside Cullen's throat. He very happily swallowed it all. As Alistair shuddered through his release, Cullen coaxed every last drop from within him.

* * *

Panting with surprise and elation, Alistair tried to wrap his mind around what just happened. As he fought to regain his composure, Cullen tucked him carefully back into his pants and refastened them into place.

Standing to his full height, Cullen looked quite pleased with himself, "Welcome home, sweetheart." He said before leaning in and kissing him deeply.

Alistair was having trouble focusing on the evil standing before him. He still managed to smile, sated before declaring, "You are… a wicked, wicked man, my love…" He panted breathlessly as he added, "Maker's breath, but I've missed you."

Chuckling, Cullen admitted, "I missed you too. Don't think I'm done with you yet though. I can't wait to get you home so we can do this properly." He pulled Alistair's shirt back down and attempted to straighten their clothes to hide all traces of what they'd just been doing. "In fact, I think we should hurry. It seems so wrong for me to be re-dressing you when all I want is have you naked next to me."

Cullen made sure that Alistair was standing solidly on his own before he stood back and tried to straighten his own suit, adjusting himself to be more comfortable in his usually loose fitting slacks. Grabbing his blazer, Cullen buttoned it to try to hide his obvious arousal. He brushed off his knees and ran his fingers through his hair to put some semblance of order into the unruly curls that'd been set free.

He reached for the handle of the door that Alistair was still leaning against. "Coming?" He asked, but Alistair was only able to nod slowly, completely at a loss for words for once in his life. His mouth unable to verbalize the single thought running through his head.

 _I just did, thank you_!

Stepping out of the office, they were greeted with grins and applause from the officers in the room. None of them were working, instead they were sitting on their desks or in their chairs facing Cullen's office door.

 _Was that money exchanging hands?_

They all knew that Alistair had been away on _business_ , and though their Commander hadn't exactly been short tempered with them over the last couple of weeks, they definitely noted the lack of spring in his step that they'd come to find familiar since they got together.

With Alistair's return, Officer Jim made the rounds to announce it once Cullen's office door was closed. As they gathered, the on staff crime-reporter and media liaison, Varric, began taking bets on whether or not their Commander would wait to uh… reconnect… until they'd gotten home.

The telltale thump against the office door, followed by their goofy-grinned appearance, and the Commander's usually neat hair looking free and untamed, left the officers no question as to their in-office activities.

A couple of wolf whistles later; Cullen and Alistair fled the building hand in hand-faces red with embarrassment. Their laughter trailing behind them as they raced toward the safety of the apartment. There was lost time to be made up after-all.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

 **A/N** Hello my lovelies. I hate to tell you this, but I will be semi-MIA for the next three weeks due to a vacation that is taking me out of state. My writing/editing time will be unpredictable at best and even though the next four chapters are written, I still like to give them one more thorough edit before I send them your way. The next story arc will be four chapters long, but I didn't want to post one chapter, then not be able to post again on schedule, so I'm waiting until I get back before I start posting the series. I hope you understand me not wanting to break up the next section. It'll be worth it, I promise. ;)

* * *

 **My sneak peek and olive branch to you...shhhh!** The next story arc is titled **Broken Bottle**. Now-I've mentioned before that Alistair and Zevran have an agreement about what happens when one of them drops a bottle. This next series of chapters (plus a bonus one-shot), all revolve around Alistair dropping one. (gasp - say it isn't so!)

* * *

 **~Thanks!~**  
 **There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:**  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints. You gals are the best at keeping me motivated and getting me over my humps!  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, she was there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!

I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!

* * *

 **This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing! I am Aurlyn on Tumblr. Thank you all so much!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary:**

Dorian and Bull come to town to celebrate their Anniversary and meet Alistair.  
Alistair's Wild Weekend doesn't go exactly as planned.

It's no secret that Alistair and Zevran have an agreement about what happens when one of them drops a bottle.  
This is the first of four chapters (plus a bonus one-shot), that all revolve around this... unfortunate event.

* * *

 **Notes:**

You knew I couldn't stay away from you for a full three weeks!  
No warnings of note in this chapter, so I'll just get right to it, shall I?  
(I've made you wait long enough and I feel just terrible about it.)

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 23**

Broken Bottle Part 1

* * *

Cullen arrived at the train station to collect Dorian and his husband, Iron Bull. They were coming into town to celebrate their thirteenth anniversary.

As they climbed into the Jeep, Dorian asked, "So, where are we going first, Amatus?"

Cullen and Dorian smirked at Bull's low playful growl. It was an old game of theirs; Dorian would call Cullen by his pet-name for Bull and said husband would pretend to get jealous. They'd been doing it so long, that it was more habit than anything, but the Pavuses enjoyed the game, so Cullen endured-for their benefit.

Focusing on the question at hand, Cullen responded, "I'm taking you to Alistair's first to celebrate the two of you putting up with each other for as long as you have-and so Bull can finally meet Alistair, Lana, and Leliana. Then, when you've had your fill of our hospitality, I will take you to your hotel where you can have your own _private_ celebration."

"Hotel?" Bull exclaimed, "I thought we were staying at your place." He turned his whole body to better see Cullen. His left eye was covered with a black patch-having been lost in battle, long ago.

Dorian scoffed, "No, Love. Cullen has an aversion to us sleeping at his house. Something about us breaking his bed the last time."

"We bought him a new one!" Bull exclaimed.

"That's what I told him! And with as snuggly as he's been with his hot little redhead lately, I assumed that he'd let us reacquaint ourselves with his apartment."

"Mmmm redhead." Bull growled and was promptly smacked lightly in the back of his head.

"Hey, watch it, Amatus. I might start to think that you'd prefer a redhead to little ol' me. You wouldn't want me to get self-conscious now would you?"

Bull practically purred, "I don't know, Kadan. Watching you wriggle and squirm as I show you just how much I treasure you, is one of my favorite things to do."

"You think I'll let you touch me after that comment? I think, perhaps, I may just take what I want and leave you tied to the bed-begging for mercy."

"Mmmercy." Bull rumbled, clearly enjoying their little quarrel.

Cullen chuckled at their antics, catching Bull's attention, "I sure hope your _sweet-ass_ redhead is as feisty as Dorian. It keeps life interesting and it's a hell of a lot more fun when they keep you on your toes."

Cullen's chuckles turned to laughter which dissolved into hiccups and giggles as he tried to reign it in.

Dorian and Bull stopped and stared in stunned silence. The Cullen they knew was calm and reserved, serious _almost_ to a fault. He was methodical, analytical, and definitely _not_ prone to fits of giggles. No... this _new_ Cullen was loose, carefree, and jovial in his demeanor. _Happy_.

When he finally caught his breath, Cullen quipped, "Oh, Alistair is certainly feisty and definitely keeps me on my toes." He paused for effect before adding with a wink, "Or knees when the situation warrants it."

The matching shocked looks was totally worth it. Enjoying the change in who was making whom uncomfortable, Cullen indulged further. "Not that we've chosen a favorite position yet. We've thoroughly enjoyed all that we've tried so far: standing, sitting, kneeling, prostrate, supine, upside down… mmmm the things _my redhead_ can do upside down."

He grinned evilly at Bull's open-mouthed expression, "Y'know, I've been thinking about installing one of those swings in the bedroom. Have you tried one yet? ... Oh wait! That's right-you _broke_ yours."

Dorian actually began to sputter as Bull glared over his shoulder, "You told him about that?"

"I _did_ try to warn you that I thought you were too much man for it. I just wanted to get a second opinion!" Dorian explained calmly.

Cullen laughed at Bull's look of indignance. He knew their favorite kind of sex was makeup sex, so he was just helping them get there. He decided to give Bull a little more fuel for the fire, "I should probably warn you about tonight. I'm taking you into temptation. Two redheads, in one place. Think you'll be able to control yourself?"

"Two redheads?"

"Dorian didn't tell you? Leliana has red hair as well."

"Fuck… me!" Bull exclaimed with a unique mix of excitement and despair.

"No dear, that is Dorian's job. Speaking of… you'll want to be on your best behavior tonight. I wouldn't want you to do anything that might interfere with some of the little _extras_ that Alistair and I have provided for you in your room. You know how much Dorian loves his surprises, especially when there are _presents_ involved." He looked into the backseat and grinned at Dorian who was practically bouncing with excitement.

"Oooh Prezzies! You shouldn't have!" Dorian beamed. "Well ok, yes, you really should. What are friends for, after all?"

Bull groaned in resignation and excited anticipation, "So… what hotel will we be staying at?"

Cullen grinned, happy to be able to do something this generous for his best friend. Dorian was there for him when he was at his lowest. Though it started as a professional relationship-Doctor and patient-their friendship grew as they worked together to piece Cullen's life together again.

It was Dorian that helped him see that he had other choices besides serving the Chantry; that he was more than just the obedient man behind the mantle. It was with Dorian's encouragement, that Cullen learned to find happiness and contentment within himself. And finally, it was Dorian's gentle persuasion that gave Cullen the courage to approach Alistair as more than just a customer. He owed Dorian so much, and spoiling him on their anniversary was just the beginning of what he wanted to do to repay him.

The silence stretched on and Dorian grunted in the backseat, growing impatient with Cullen's internal musings.

He laughed heartily as he relented, "Ok… all right, I'll spill!" He rolled his eyes then confessed, "Alistair arranged for you to stay at- _The Theirin_." He waited for the full realization to hit. Seeing Dorian gape, Cullen winked before turning to Bull who seemed unaware of what that actually meant. "They have rooms there designed with your particular size and… _appetite_ in mind. We picked up your keys earlier today and once we're done helping you celebrate at Alistair's; I will drop you both off so you can see what sorts of… _gifts_ we've left you."

Dorian's face lit up at the mention of the famous landmark, finally finding his words, he gushed, "You got us into the Theirin? That is the ritziest hotel in Denerim! I can't wait to see what our room looks like! Can we go there first? Can we, puhleeze?"

Cullen shook his head, "Nope, sorry. I am to bring you straight to the pub so you can experience their _Wild Weekends_." At the confused looks he got, he elaborated, "It's a much different feel than when you were here last, Dorian. Not my usual crowd, but I do enjoy stopping in occasionally-for the _show_." He then looked pointedly at Bull, "I think you'll really enjoy it. It's loud, boisterous, and over the top… a bit like _you_ , big guy." Cullen smacked Bull's shoulder playfully as Dorian stifled a chuckle in the backseat.

"What kind of show will we be watching?" Bull asked curiously.

"Oh, it's nothing extravagant, just my deliciously hot redhead and a sexy little elf dancing provocatively together. They can do so many amazing things as they show off their talents with phallic shaped objects."

Cullen wasn't disappointed with Bull's reaction: his mouth was hanging open and his one eye wide, showing white all around his ice blue iris. If he left him like that for much longer, he wouldn't put it past Bull to start panting, or maybe drooling.

"Down boy!" Cullen chided, "It's juggling bottles of booze-mostly-but they dance and move so well together that it can be… very erotic. Then again, that may just be me watching Alistair." He finished with a slight flush to his cheeks and a smile on his lips.

Trying to get their conversation back on track, Cullen said, "If I took you to your room first, you wouldn't want to leave again. This way, we get to hang out with you before you sequester yourselves. You'll be staying in the Qunari honeymoon suite, by the way. I think you'll find it… more than adequate. It has an extra sturdy bed so the two of you are less likely to break it." Cullen chuckled again, " _Don't_ take that as a challenge! Alistair pulled some family strings to get you this room and he really doesn't like to throw his name around. So don't abuse it. Please-for me?"

"Yes, Dear," they said in unison.

The rest of the short ride was spent in silence with Dorian resting his hand comfortably on Bull's shoulder while rubbing tiny circles with his thumb. It was an old habit that Cullen found endearing. No matter how much they bickered and gave each other shit, they were completely content and at peace when they were together.

Watching them together, knowing how close they were in spite of-or perhaps, because of-all the trials and tribulations they'd been through; made Cullen hopeful for his future with Alistair. He never thought he'd have what his best friend did. A small part of him still didn't think he deserved it, but that voice was growing quieter over time. He was finally allowing himself to hope.

* * *

Alistair and Zevran were dancing along with the music, flipping bottles and twirling dexterously as the trio entered the bar. Cullen led his friends over into his corner which was the only place large enough for the three of them to stand together in the crowded room. Cullen sat on his usual barstool while Dorian stood next to him and Bull loomed a full head over them from behind.

Cullen watched the show with a huge smile on his face. He loved the way Alistair moved, so fluid in space as if the world itself was conforming to his motions. His body undulating to the music, his hands and bottles creating their own beats while he and Zevran played off each other's strengths as well as their audience's desires. Each toss, twirl and catch more elaborate than the last.

As Cullen sat there, appreciating the view, Bull leaned in and shouted to be heard over the din in the room. "Hey, Cullen! He's fucking hot!"

Alistair had just tossed two bottles into the air. They were spinning ass over tip as he was twirling in his own clockwise circle-when Bull's voice shook him from his concentration. Barely catching one bottle, he dove towards the other in an uncoordinated attempt to rescue it from its plummet.

He missed.

 _I actually missed!?_

As the glass shattered harmlessly behind the bar, the band stopped playing-blanketing the whole room in deafening silence.

Alistair's face flushed crimson as he exclaimed, "Damnit!"

Cullen started laughing.

Climbing on top of the bar, Zevran accepted a microphone from one of the musicians and addressed the crowd, "Well… well… well-ladies and gentlemen-it appears that you are in for a rare treat tonight!"

The crowd cheered loudly.

Waiting for room to quiet, Zevran grinned at Alistair, who was picking his way over the broken glass toward Cullen's end of the bar.

"For those that are new to Alistair's House of Whine and Cheese-and more specifically to our Wild Weekends-my dearest Alistair and I have a little agreement regarding what happens should we ever…" Zevran dropped his voice an octave and finished ominously, "... _drop a bottle_."

He looked pointedly at Alistair sitting on top of the bar, holding hands with Cullen. They looked _too_ comfortable, smiling and waiting for the inevitable bidding to begin.

Zevran cackled from his perch on top of the bar while the crowd cheered. "The illustrious owner here hasn't dropped a bottle in… how long has it been, dear Alistair? Come, come-tell the crowd how long of a streak you've enjoyed without dropping one… _single_ … bottle."

Alistair admitted quietly, "Two years."

"What was that?" He held his hand cupped to his ear, "I don't think everyone heard you."

"It's been just over two years since I've dropped a bottle." Alistair said louder.

"Tsk, tsk. Two _long_ years where we've been anxiously awaiting the boss man to fumble and grant us the opportunity to auction him off! Who wants to tell our newcomers what they are about to get the opportunity to bid for?"

As a whole, the crowd shouted, "A KISS!" which left Alistair smiling at Cullen with confidence. They had this. _No problem_.

Cullen wrapped his arms affectionately around Alistair's waist as they sat there waiting for Zevran to finish priming the crowd. They were both laughing good naturedly at the whole situation, while Dorian and Bull watched the proceedings with interest.

Alistair leaned in, kissing Cullen tenderly. Gazing into each other's eyes, they missed the look of mischievousness cross Zevran's face.

They were brought from their confident cocoon by the sound of Zevran clicking his tongue into the microphone. "Who here thinks it would be fair for Alistair's _boyfriend_ to be able to bid on that kiss as well?"

The audience shouted their disagreement and Zevran had the nerve to grin evilly at them before addressing the crowd again.

"They look a little too cozy over there, don't you think? Cullen gets that pleasure, so often, that I think it's time he gave someone else a taste."

The crowd went wild.

Alistair groaned, "Maker help me."

Cullen stood and cupped Alistair's face in his hands. He kissed him fully on the lips to cheers and wolf whistles from the crowd, then reassured him, loud enough for others to hear, "Go ahead, my love, pay your penance." Then whispering softly in Alistair's ear, "I know who you'll be sleeping with later tonight."

He winked, still smiling as he pulled Alistair to his feet and ushered him over to go stand next to Zevran on the bar.

Resigned to his fate, Alistair ran his hands through his hair and took the mic from Zevran, to address his patrons. "Ok, here are the rules. One kiss to the highest bidder - all proceeds will be donated to a charity of _our_ choosing."

He looked toward Cullen, "Since you've so graciously given me up to the masses, my love-thank you for that by the way-" The room erupted in laughter. He turned his attention back to the crowd, "I think Cullen should pick the charity that will be receiving the benefits of my foibles this evening."

Chuckling, Cullen quickly glanced at Dorian then back towards Alistair, "The PTSD Research and Reintegration Study at the University of Denerim."

Alistair nodded, then addressed the crowd again, "And so it shall be. Whether your heart lies with the important work our University researchers are undertaking regarding post-traumatic stress disorders or in claiming the rare honor of bidding on a kiss from yours truly, it's time to offer up what you think either would be worth."

Alistair handed the microphone back to Zevran to oversee the bidding. Smiling toward Cullen, he lowered his eyes then shook his head in disbelief.

 _Ok, here goes nothing._

Then the bids started coming in. Alistair tried to tamp down the flush creeping up his neck. Looking from face to face as the bids continued, he began to register just how high the bidding had become.

"Three hundred sovereigns from the lovely young lady in purple," came Zevran's astonished voice as more hands were raised and bids given.

A few shouts later, "Four hundred and fifty!" came the deep voice that got him in this predicament in the first place.

Alistair couldn't help but laugh at Dorian's expression of indignance before he threw out a bid himself, "Four hundred seventy-five!"

To which Bull countered, staring back at his husband, "Five hundred sovereigns!"

Cullen sat staring at his friends in disbelief, only a hint of a smile remained on his face as he quirked an eyebrow at them bidding on a kiss from _his lover._

Thankfully another bid came in from Alistair's left; an attractive young woman with black, shoulder length hair and light eyes shouted, "five hundred twenty-five!"

A tall, mousy looking man near the pool table bid five hundred and fifty sovereigns which was followed up by a red haired, elven male by the dartboard that bid six hundred.

Eventually the number of bidders died down and it was down to a bidding war between the raven haired human and the red haired elf. They were each determined to win the honor of his lips, but as the bidding hit eight hundred sovereigns, the elf put his palms up in supplication and bowed to the girl who outbid him.

Hugging her friend in excitement, she then pulled out a wad of cash and counted it out into Zevran's waiting hand. As the crowd cheered, Zevran pulled her up onto the bar, and guided her into Alistair's waiting arms.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

 **A/N** \- Chapter 22 marked two large milestones for me.  
1) I broke over 100,000 words posted for Cocktails & Cheese **and**  
2) I received my thousandth hit for this story as well!  
 _I am beyond humbled by the support and appreciation you all have shown me. Thank you all for reading; and for leaving Kudo's, Comments, Favorites, and Reviews! You are all the best!_

* * *

I have a lot of helping hands that help me along the way to make this story what it is: **(Ponticle, The Keystrokes, Connie Flint, and Lola Auditore/Lola Vega)** All of them have their talented little hands in this cookie jar -but for the record, I do go back over my work once they've have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!

* * *

 _This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing! I am Aurlyn on Tumblr. Thank you all so much!_


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary:**

The bidding continues.  
The winner claims her prize.  
The immediate aftermath of Alistair paying his penance.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Trigger Warning:** This chapter references past physical abuse in a relationship. There will also be a demonstration of Cullen being a **BAMF**. (just sayin')

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **Are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 24**

Broken Bottle Part 2

* * *

As Cullen watched the bidding continue; he became aware of the the door opening to let in three new people. Two he recognized: Lana and Leliana. He didn't recognize the behemoth of a man who stood scowling just inside the door, scanning the room like he was looking for someone specific.

Lana and Leliana made their way over to Cullen, "Sorry we're late. We heard the cheering from outside as we were walking up, what's going on? Did Zevran drop a bottle again?" Lana asked, amused.

Cullen shook his head, grinning from ear to ear, "No ma'am, tonight it was _all_ Alistair."

They looked at him in disbelief then up at Alistair before Leliana asked, "Why aren't you bidding?"

He shrugged, admitting with a soft smile, "Zev tied my hands before we could even get started. The crowd decided, since I get to kiss him anyway, that I wasn't allowed to play. So here we are, seven hundred sovereigns in _and climbing_."

Cullen stood and offered his stool to the ladies while they watched the rest of the auction unfold. He was getting a really bad read off the guy at the door and his instincts were telling him that he needed to be on his feet… just in case.

They all cheered as the raven-haired girl won the bidding. Eight hundred sovereigns was just raised for PTSD research and the winner was blushing as she climbed up onto the bar to face Alistair.

Cullen watched two things unfold simultaneously: Alistair held out his arms for the young woman-Dania, she said her name was. Tucking a stray hair behind her ear, Alistair leaned in and kissed her to the approving sounds from the crowd. For eight hundred sovereigns, he was making it worth her while.

Concurrently, the newest arrival seemed to have found the object of his ire as his eyes locked on Dania and Alistair's lingering kiss. The large man was furiously shoving his way through the crowd, pushing people roughly, his focus only on the two people on the bar with their lips still locked together.

Knowing that Alistair was oblivious to this looming threat, Cullen threaded through the crowd, trying to intercept the guy before he could get to the bar. He was still just out of reach when the girl that'd been standing with Dania, placed herself between them and her friend on the bar, effectively blocking the way.

She stepped forward, putting her hand on his chest to push him away. "Nick- _stop!"_ She growled with quiet heat.

He barely glanced down; his eyes were glued to the girl on the bar grinning goofily at Alistair.

Nick batted her hand away, "Back off, bitch, this is between me and Dania."

"NO!" She shouted at him, this time loud enough to grab the attention of the crowd. "You've hurt her enough. I won't let you touch her again!"

Hearing the commotion, Alistair wrapped his arm protectively around Dania as he turned to face the disturbance. Not five feet away, he saw the blonde that Dania came in with, squaring off against a man easily five inches taller than Cullen. Cullen was quickly approaching the disturbance from behind.

 _Nick_ was staring at Alistair with pure hatred before barely glancing down at the girl blocking his way. He raised his arm across his chest as if to backhand her when Cullen caught the thick wrist and used it to twist him around to face him instead.

Every inch _the Commander_ now, his face was full of calm determination, "I don't think I will let you do that." Cullen said with quiet intensity.

"Back off, asshole! That's my girlfriend up there, and that red-haired prick has his hands all over her."

The small blonde shouted, "She's not your girlfriend, Nick. She dumped you a month ago when you put her in the hospital. It'll be over my dead body before I let you get near her again!"

With barely concealed hatred, Nick spat over his shoulder at the girl, "I can arrange that, _Connie_."

Before he could do more than threaten her, Cullen punched Nick in the jaw. It was a quick jab, more to catch his attention than to floor him. Stumbling slightly, he turned to glare at Cullen, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth.

The crowd around them began to part for the altercation. A few fled through the door as soon as the shouting started. Most of the patrons, however, were sticking around to see how this played out.

Taking in his surroundings, Alistair noted that Lana and Leliana were strategically positioned to his right and Dorian and Bull were off to his left. Nick was completely boxed in with Cullen in front of him and Alistair behind. Everyone was ready to step in, should the situation warrant it, yet they waited… and watched. This guy was big, but Bull was bigger and even _he_ seemed content to defer to Cullen.

Entrusting Dania to Zevran's protection, Alistair dropped down silently from the bar top to place himself between Connie and Nick. He quietly guided her out of harm's reach, then stood ready while continuing to monitor the altercation. He trusted Cullen, but he'd be damned if he was going to let anyone hurt these two girls because of _that kiss_.

Cullen held the guy's attention with his commanding presence, "Does it make you feel _powerful_ to beat up your ex and threaten her friend?"

Nick growled and stepped forward intimidatingly.

Cullen didn't blink. He took his own step forward, "Save your posturing, you overgrown nug. I will give you this one chance to walk out of here on your own. Leave now, or I'll-"

"Or you'll _what_?" He interrupted, "You can't do anything to me. My father is Loghain Mac Tir and he'll-"

Cullen threw his head back and laughed, clearly unimpressed by this revelation. The Mac Tir family was well known for having ridden the wake of the Theirin family's rise to power. They weren't used to being challenged or stood up to, their own infamy was usually enough to keep most people from crossing their path.

Cullen wasn't _most people._

The terribly young and naive Nick Mac Tir, looked around at those who were closing in on him. His menacing scowl was replaced by one of confusion and uncertainty as Cullen stepped into his personal space. Needing to protect his pride-if nothing else at this point-he tried to gain the upper hand once again, "Who are you to laugh at me? My father will-"

Quieting his laughter, Cullen grabbed Nick by the shirt and pulled him to his chest. "My name, you spoiled brat, is Commander Cullen Rutherford. You _may_ have heard of me? ... _I know_ your daddy has."

Nick's eyes grew wide. He had, in fact, heard of the famous Commander who was responsible for thwarting some of his father's shadier dealings.

Cullen continued without raising his voice, "Your _daddy_ and I have had many confrontations over the years. He is currently on his very last strike before going away for the rest of his sad, pathetic little life. To the best of my knowledge, he's been on his best behavior lately. How do _you_ think he would react to your arrest for assault and battery against your ex?"

At Nick's stunned silence, Cullen quirked an eyebrow and leered, "For that matter, your family and the Theirins go _way_ back. So far back, that I'm sure you don't even know why the Mac Tirs aren't permitted on Theirin property." Cullen grinned knowingly at the kid who was now staring at him with a growing sense of dread, "Do you _know_ where you stand… _right now_?"

Cullen waited for a full five heartbeats as he let the question sink in with the young Mac Tir who's face flashed with realization and understanding. "That's right. You are on _Theirin_ property." Cullen stated for the kid as if he were simple. Quirking his head to one side, he contemplated aloud, "Assault, battery, disrupting the peace, and trespassing. I see your list of charges growing. Still want to continue playing this game with me? Because I can assure you that you... will… not… win."

Taking a step backwards at Cullen's vehemence, Nick slowly shook his head from side to side and glanced around the room. A few of the customers left, but many others were still there watching. Some were taking videos with their cellphones, others were taking pictures. Chances were good that at least some part of this altercation would hit a social media site or two. Nick straightened himself up, thankful when the detective released his shirt so he could smooth it out.

Dropping his eyes, he quietly stuttered an apology, hoping that the sound wasn't picked up by the cellphones. "I'm… sorry, I didn't realize this was… we don't need to bring my family into it, or… or the Theirins… please."

"This is the _only_ chance I will give you. Walk out that door, without any more trouble. If you come back here to try to threaten Mr. Theirin-and I emphasize the word _try_ -I will not stand in the way of what will happen to you _when_ he defends his domain. I assure you that, _should_ you make that attempt, being arrested by me will seem like a Sunday stroll in the park in comparison."

Nick looked behind him expecting to find the Theirin in question, still standing on the top of the bar. He found him instead, not two feet behind him-smiling. He gulped audibly as he turned back to focus on the Commander.

Cullen chuckled darkly at Nick's reaction to Alistair, "And should I find out that you have attempted to contact Dania, Connie, or Maker forbid that I hear about you threatening-or hurting-them in any way; I will come after you myself bringing the Maker's wrath with me. Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly, sir. Th-Thank you, Commander." He said hastily as he tripped over his feet while rushing toward the door. Barely catching himself from his stumble, he exited the bar without further ado.

Cullen watched Nick leave and took a breath before sweeping the room to see where everyone was.

Standing near the bar, Connie stared at him with gratitude. She took a couple hesitant steps forward, before wrapping her arms around Cullen's middle and hugging him tightly. "Th… thank you. I would probably be in the hospital right now if you hadn't stopped him. No one stands up to Nick. But I… I just couldn't let him hurt her again."

"No one's hurting anyone tonight." He rubbed her back as he returned her hug. They stepped apart and he looked over at Alistair who was beaming at him, eyes filled with pride and adoration. Pulling Alistair into his arms, they embraced quickly before turning towards Dania, still standing on the bar with Zevran. After helping her down and returning her hugs in kind, she thanked Cullen for standing up for her then apologized for shamelessly kissing Alistair.

Cullen smiled and waved away her worries, "It's just one of the hazards of _his_ job, I'm afraid. But what's a guy to do huh?" He looked at Alistair, smiling affectionately.

Dorian stepped up, chuckling, "Well, you all certainly know how to show a couple a good time! We've been here less than an hour and we've already broken bottles, scared off some of the locals, thwarted a bar fight, kissed the girl, and Bull's not even drunk yet! What _ever_ shall we do for an encore?" he asked excitedly.

Alistair grinned, "Well, we're not closed yet and the band's still here. So, how about a round of drinks on the house and we can go from there." He nodded to Zevran who hopped back behind the bar to field the onslaught of drink orders.

Turning to Bull, Alistair held out his hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you-officially. Usually our Wild Weekends aren't quite _this_ exciting, I assure you."

"Damn, I'm sorry to hear that." Bull laughed shaking his hand firmly, "It's not often I get to see a _hot redhead_ making out on top of a bar followed by his lover-who wasn't the person he was kissing-showing just how badass he can really be. It's enough to get me all hot and bothered!" Pulling Dorian to him, Bull kissed him passionately, "you are definitely going to have to help me work this off later, Kadan."

Dorian grabbed him by the horns and said breathlessly, "Anything for you, Amatus!" Then pulled him in for another kiss.

Alistair smirked at Cullen, "Are they always like this?"

"No… sometimes they're worse. Trust me, right now they're behaving." Cullen chuckled.

Alistair turned to Dania and Connie; holding hands and whispering quietly to each other, they appeared shaken from the events of the evening. "I hope you both will join us. Have a drink, enjoy the band. If nothing else, I'd really like you hang out for a bit to give him a head start before you head out into the night; less chance of you running into him that way."

They looked at each other, but it was Dania who responded, "Thank you, really, for everything. But tonight's been a little _too_ exciting for me already. Connie brought me out to celebrate being free of that ass. I… wasn't expecting him to come crash our little party." She looked pointedly at Cullen, "Thank you again... for sticking up for me, especially after I…" She looked at Alistair blushing.

Cullen chuckled, "You've already apologised and it's really not necessary. Alistair is the one that dropped the bottle, after all, and that penalty was put into effect _long_ before he and I got together, so have no fear for offending me, my dear. We're good." He smiled reassuringly at Dania then over to Alistair with the same look of acceptance before addressing her again. "And as for sticking up for you, it's what I do; I wouldn't have it any other way."

She nodded as Dorian chimed in, "That's Cullen for you. If there were anyone that would ride in on a white horse to save the day, it's our dear Commander here."

Connie nodded in agreement, but then addressed the elephant in the room, "I'm actually proud of her for getting out when she did. Though I am sorry for not seeing what he was doing to her sooner."

Dania touched Connie's arm, "Hey, it's not your fault. I should have seen the signs earlier myself. I knew he was possessive and had a temper, I just never thought he would take it out on me like that." She took a deep shuddering breath and smiled appreciatively, "You've been my rock ever since, helping me recover. Without you, I never would have realized that I deserved better; that I am worth so much more. I couldn't have done this without you."

Dorian stepped up and handed them his business card. "I may not be here in Denerim full time, but I do work in a facility that can help you work through the trauma he's caused. Friends are wonderful to have, but sometimes it is better to have an unbiased ear to listen and help you through. My name is Doctor Dorian Pavus, by the way. I run the clinic that your most gracious contribution will be benefiting. The facilities on the University of Denerim campus are funded solely by grants and charitable donations. I'd say you've donated enough tonight to warrant free sessions for life, should you want them." He smiled at the girls reassuringly then retreated to stand next to Bull again.

Looking around at the small group that came to her aid, Dania seemed to shrink in on herself in exhaustion, "Seeing Nick again has completely drained me." She looked at Connie, "Can you take me home now? I think I just want to go to bed. The sooner tonight is over with, the better." Then to Alistair she said, "I appreciate your offer for us to stay, but I really just need to put tonight behind me."

"At least let us walk you out, so we can ensure that you make it safely." Alistair smiled in understanding. "Is your car nearby?

Connie answered, "It's just down the block and an escort would be great, thanks. I'd hate to run into Nick again tonight. He was really pissed." To Dania, she said, "I'm not sure you should go home tonight either. Why don't you stay at my house? That _dick_ doesn't know where I live, so you can rest without worry. I can take you home in the morning."

Cullen nodded his approval before pulling out two of his own business cards. He handed one to each of the girls, "I meant what I said, if he so much as looks at either of you crossly, I want to know about it. I would also recommend coming down to the station and filling out an official report so we have it on record. You don't need to press charges if you don't want to, but if you want, I will personally help you find a good lawyer to be able to go up against the Mac Tirs."

Alistair offered, "I have one in mind that would be more than happy to take your case, actually. He is the best at what he does and I would personally cover his fee for you should you want to follow that path."

"Oh, Alistair, Anders would be perfect person to represent her! You know how riled up he gets when there is injustice, he wouldn't rest until he won and she was safe!" Lana said excitedly.

Alistair nodded. "Please don't let fear of going up against _that family_ dissuade you from protecting yourselves. You have heavy hitters on your side too."

Dania looked to her friend then back to Alistair, "Thank you. I will think about it. I really just want him to leave me alone, though." She paused for a second, "Are… you really a Theirin?" She looked to Cullen and back again just to make sure she had heard him correctly.

Alistair quirked a smile and placed a finger over his lips as he winked at the girls, "Shhh, that's our little secret. But yes, I am the youngest son of Maric Theirin. As I said, the Mac Tir name holds little weight where my family is concerned. The decision is ultimately yours, however, just know that you won't have to face them alone should you decide to fight."

Cullen interposed, "And even if you don't press charges, I would strongly recommend heading over to the courthouse to file for a restraining order against him. Guys like that don't always know when to stop and they don't generally like it when they are told _no_ either. You don't deserve that sort of treatment. No one does." he finished with a touch of heat in his voice.

They nodded their understanding and offered their thanks before grabbing their coats to leave.

Cullen and Alistair escorted them to Connie's car, a purple PT cruiser with fancy black pinstriping on the hood and down each side. They watched the two young ladies drive away, before they turned back toward the bar.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

I know this chapter got heavy and I'm so thankful that Dania had Connie to help her through. Though I tried to overlay some humor in this chapter, abusive relationships are no laughing matter. For those that may be in abusive/unhealthy relationships (verbal abuse counts too guys) - I want to empower you to believe in yourself: You ARE enough, You DO deserve better, You are not alone, and **you are absolutely loved!** Get out of there and get help. There can be light in your darkness, the hardest part is taking that first step in a new direction. **hugs**  
 _Stepping off of my soapbox now_

* * *

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints.  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!  
 **Lola Auditore/Lola Vega** \- My last minute reader, polisher, and all around supportive cheerleader!

* * *

 **I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!**

* * *

 _This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing! I am Aurlyn on Tumblr. Thank you all so much!_


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary:**

Alistair and Cullen go back to the bar after escorting Dania and Connie  
Some history discussed and banter between friends.  
And y'know - maybe a little bit of fluff.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Trigger Warning:** No _major_ warnings in this chapter. Mentions of slavery and sex-trafficking, but no details or specifics.

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein,**  
 **Are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 25**

Broken Bottle Part 3

* * *

After watching Dania and Connie drive away, Cullen and Alistair began to make their way back to the bar.

Alistair sighed, "Two years. I can't believe I broke my streak of two years! All because _your_ friend said I was 'fucking hot'!"

Cullen laughed, "Bull certainly has a way with words doesn't he?" Stopping on the sidewalk, he pulled Alistair into his arms and smiled, "And he's not wrong. Though, I am a bit disappointed, I wasn't even allowed to bid on you."

"Eight hundred sovereigns! Who pays eight hundred sovereigns for a kiss?"

"I would have." Cullen leaned in, brushing his nose against Alistair's before kissing him tenderly. Finding the remnants of fruity chapstick, he pulled back and laughed while licking his lips. "Hmm, not a flavor I'm used to tasting when I kiss you… cherry?"

Alistair blushed as he wiped the residue from both of their lips before trying again. "Better?"

"Every kiss from you is better than the last. I will never tire of this..." Cullen whispered before claiming them again.

Reluctantly parting, Alistair sighed, "We should probably go back in and join the others. Can I buy you a drink?"

"I would like that." Cullen threaded their fingers together as they finished their walk toward the pub.

* * *

They entered the bar amidst happy banter and good music. The energy in the room was more subdued from what it usually was on a Friday or Saturday night; the music a little quieter, making it easier to talk over. As they walked toward the bar, the clapping started: first one set of hands, then more, until finally the whole room was cheering and whistling at Alistair and Cullen.

Once they recovered from their initial surprise, they both bowed their heads in acknowledgement. Cullen and Alistair smiled graciously as one by one people approached to pat them on the back or shake their hands, offering their appreciation and gratitude for all they did for those girls.

There were a few whispers of Alistair's lineage, but for the most part, that little revelation was largely ignored. He was just Alistair, pub owner, and that's how he prefered it.

When the crowd finally dispersed, they found their friends sitting at a table that was tucked into the far back corner of the room. Dorian was absentmindedly stroking his hands over Bull's shoulders as they watched everyone begin to settle into their own groups once again. Leliana and Lana were behind the bar helping Zevran fill the _free drink_ orders that Alistair offered up after the confrontation with Nick.

Seeing the crowd still surrounding the bar, Alistair leaned in to Cullen, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I should probably get back to work. This is supposed to be the girls' night off. I promise to come visit with our guests as soon as the crowd dies down again."

Wrapping his arm around Alistair's waist, Cullen pulled him tightly to his chest, "Never apologize for having to do your job, my love. It is still a Wild Weekend after all, and we both know what your adoring fans come here to see," Cullen suggestively stroked his hands over Alistair's hips and ass. "I'll happily sit over here and fantasize about what I'm planning on doing to you later-when I have you all to myself." He winked deviously before adding, "Try not to drop anymore bottles though, I think we've had enough excitement in the bar for the night."

Alistair leaned in for quick kiss before reassuring him with a smile, "I think I can handle that. I much prefer _your_ kisses anyway."

Back behind the bar, the crowd cheered as Zevran tossed the first of many bottles toward Alistair.

True to his word, he didn't drop a one.

* * *

As the crowd died down and the evening wore on; Alistair rejoined his friends at the table.

Dorian chuckled, "Well, this has been a most bracing evening and celebration." He looked pointedly at Cullen. "It's been far too long since I've seen _you_ in full _Commander_ mode. You are certainly an intimidating force when you want to be." He looked at Bull and winked, "Remind me to never get on _his_ bad side."

Cullen took a sip from his glass to hide his blush. "Well, someone had to step in, and I wasn't about to let _you_ break a nail. We'd be listening to you fuss about it for the rest of your visit."

Bull burst out laughing which turned into coughing as he choked on his drink.

Dorian twacked him hard on the back until he was breathing normally again. "That's what you get, you big lummox! Teach you to laugh at your husband; I'll be adding that to your list of punishments later."

Bull growled excitedly and pulled Dorian from his own seat into his lap, kissing him soundly.

Lana tossed a bar towel at them. "Hey-hey, get a room, you two! You are in public!"

"Oooh, I'm told we have a very nice room waiting for us. But sadly, we are at the mercy of Cullen and Alistair. They're holding our key hostage while we celebrate here first." Dorian placed a chaste kiss on Bull's lips before turning toward Alistair. "Thank you, by the way. Cullen said you pulled some strings to get us our room. We may be a little uninhibited, but we _are_ grateful and looking forward to the other surprises that await us." Dorian's eyes twinkled with excitement.

Alistair smiled, "You are most welcome! As I understand it, congratulations are in order!" He looked from Dorian to Bull then back again. "How long have the two of you been married anyway?"

Bull rubbed his hand in a small circle on Dorian's back while gazing at him lovingly, "Today marks thirteen years of wedded bliss, though we've been together for a lot longer." He looked back at Alistair and continued, "When we first found each other, Tevinter was at war with Par Vollen-yet again-so our joining was readily frowned upon and needed to be hidden. Forbidden fruit is that much sweeter, isn't it, Kadan?" He grinned at Dorian, earning him a kiss.

Leliana chuckled, "They are almost as bad, if not worse, than our dear Alistair and Cullen, no? I fear cavities from the amount of sweetness we're surrounded by." She leaned in and kissed Lana sweetly.

"Says the bard who still can't keep her hands off her wife." Alistair chuckled, "Ten years and I still have nightmares from listening to you two back in your tent. None of us got any sleep! It's a wonder we are still alive after fighting so sleep deprived."

They all laughed good naturedly at the comfortable banter then Bull turned to Dorian, "You know, my love, we've been talking about getting a second apartment here in Denerim. Maybe now might be a good time to do that." A devious glint was shining in his eye.

Dorian rolled his own overdramatically, "That wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the fact that we are sitting between two redheads now would it?"

Bull deadpanned, "I have no idea what you're talking about." He then grinned at Alistair and Leliana before looking pointedly back at his husband, "I don't see any redheads around here. Only you, my sweet, delectable, milk-chocolate treat." He finished by wrapping his arms around Dorian's waist and nibbling at his neck.

Dorian didn't resist the affections but chuckled at his husband's obvious attempt at being nonchalant. "You keep telling me that, Amatus, and I'll let you think I believe it."

Alistair and Cullen shared a conspiratorial look, which made Lana suddenly gasp then start giggling, earning her a quick wink and a large grin from Alistair. In an attempt to cover and regain her composure, she stood up quickly and excused herself to go give Zevran a hand behind the bar.

Leliana looked pointedly at Alistair and Cullen, wondering what it was those two were up to that had Lana losing her composure. They both grinned with mischief, but it was Alistair who said with a wink, "you can ask her about it later."

Bull looked around the table warily. "Something tells me I should be worried. Normally I wouldn't-when it comes to Cullen here-but it appears that there are more devious influences in his life these days. It's almost as if he's a completely new man. Isn't it amazing what really good sex can do for you?" He grinned approvingly, raising his glass in a silent toast to this _new Cullen_ before taking a drink.

Returning Bull's grin, Cullen raised his own glass in answer. "I can't argue with that. I can honestly say, I have never been happier." He leaned over to place a light kiss on Alistair's ear, who closed his eyes and shuddered with pleasure. Smiling, he then turned back to Bull, "I wouldn't worry about what's waiting for you back at the hotel, though. You may even thank us later." He finished with a smirk toward Alistair who was grinning deviously.

The conversation died down as the couples lost themselves in each other. After a few minutes of companionable silence, Dorian remembered something from earlier, "So tell me, what was all of that earlier regarding the Theirin and Mac Tir families having a history together? I've known they didn't get along, but I just assumed there was a lover's spat in there somewhere that got their panties in a twist."

Alistair chuckled at the analogy, "That would certainly make for a more interesting story. _The Theirins and Mac Tirs separated by jealousy and angst! To be reunited-against all odds-rekindling the heat of their passions under the full moon light; making both families whole once again!"_

Cullen sputtered, "Hey that's pretty good! Maybe I should tell Varric about it and see where he takes it." He chuckled before explaining to the others, "Varric Tethras works for me as my media liaison. He also moonlights as a romance author. I think he said his most recent serial was titled, Swords and Shields."

Leliana giggled, causing Cullen to quirk an eyebrow at her, "Oh, you've heard of it, I see?" He teased.

"Heard of it? Oui! Lana and I take turns reading chapters to each other before bed. It can be… quite stimulating!" She winked for emphasis, "I did not realize he worked for you, however. Perhaps I shall volunteer for one of your Monday deliveries so I can meet him myself? Do you think he would sign a copy for us?" She giggled at the prospect, blushing lightly.

"I can arrange an introduction if you'd like; I'm sure he would be happy to sign however many copies you have. There are several in the series I understand?" Bringing the conversation back to the original question, Cullen looked at Alistair, "You were saying about the Theirin and Mac Tir conflict?"

"It's really not a very exciting story. I'd be interested to see how the story I heard corroborates your own interactions with Loghain." Alistair then addressed Dorian, "Basically, the Theirins built Denerim as we know it today. Riding the wake of their rise to power was the Mac Tirs. The two families used to be very close, supporting each other from generation to generation. What my family didn't realize, was that the Mac Tirs were also building a secret little empire of their own." He took a drink to wash down his obvious disdain, "They bandied around the name 'Theirin', using the weight it held to further their own gains as they ran their own _protection_ racket. They extorted money from people so the _'family'_ wouldn't come after them."

Taking another drink from his glass, he continued as his audience sat in attentive silence. "If the families couldn't pay, their children were taken from them; to work off their debt, as it were. Stories vary, but forced slavery and sexual servitude seems to be a reoccurring theme. The Mac Tirs wielded their power using fear and intimidation, all behind the scenes of the Theirin empire being built around them." Alistair shook his head in disgust.

"Once my ancestors learned of the underhanded scheming and using the Theirin name to gain influence, they publicly denounced the Mac Tirs, bringing all of their dirty little secrets into the limelight. You can imagine that the revelation wasn't taken lightly. They tried to say it was _the Theirins_ that were giving the orders, but they were never able to prove anything. My family was pardoned of all involvement and the Mac Tir name was ruined. Though it appears that some things never change." He looked at Cullen and inquired, "You said you've had dealings with Loghain Mac Tir, I can't imagine any of it to have been good."

Cullen shook his head, "Gambling, prostitution, drug trafficking, theft, there's not much that I haven't arrested him for. I've yet to be able to nail him for murder, however, and I haven't managed to keep him locked up for long either. That's a very slippery family. I've tried to keep them under twenty four hour surveillance, but they tend to find ways to evade all my best efforts."

"You said something about the Mac Tirs not being allowed on Theirin property; how'd that happen and how is that reinforced? The Theirins own a lot of Denerim I understand." Bull asked curiously.

Alistair looked at Cullen before addressing Dorian and Bull again, "The first part of that is actually kind of interesting, if a bit tragic. About a hundred years ago or so, a young Mac Tir lad fell in love with the Theirin's daughter. They were very determined to be together, regardless of the family feud. They were planning on eloping, but their families found out about it and each locked their child away, _for their own good_. Somehow the young Mac Tir boy escaped and fled to the Theirin estate. He managed to scale the wall leading up to his beloved's bedroom. They found a rope and tied it off so she could climb down and they could be together. But as they descended, the rope broke and they both plummeted to their deaths."

Cullen laid his hand on Alistair's knee. He took a drink before continuing, "When the bodies were found the next morning, the Theirins blamed the Mac Tirs for their daughter's death and banished them forever from any of their lands. As time wore on, the unwritten rule became a law. The way I understand it, the Mac Tirs must request written permission to be granted for them to enter onto Theirin property, to this day."

Smiling at Alistair, Cullen added, "The Theirins don't own all of Denerim, like they once did, but they own enough of it that we still see those written requests come through the precinct from time to time. Most of them are eventually approved, however, when a Mac Tir commits a crime on Theirin land, the penalty is twice as bad because of the law. It generally keeps them away from Theirin property-or at the very least-on their best behavior. Other than Alistair's, the rest of their properties generally have the Theirin name posted prominently somewhere on them, to avoid… _accidents_."

Cullen furrowed his brow for a moment in thought. "Y'know, I may actually have to look that up. Since this place doesn't have the usual Theirin plaque outside, I wonder where it falls under that law. Would it even be able to stand up in court? Hmmm." Cullen mused to himself.

"Well my name's written plainly all over the ownership papers, so that has to stand for something."

"I guess it would just depend on how the law is actually written. I'll look into it just in case _little Nicky_ decides to come back." Cullen added with a sneer of contempt.

Alistair grinned cheekily, "Well, you can forget about me posting the Theirin plaque outside, that's not going to happen. I quite enjoy being the anonymous family bastard, thank you very much."

Cullen chuckled as he tipped his drink back, draining the last of its contents. He set the glass down as the band started playing one of Alistair's favorite songs. Enjoying the number of times he'd been able to surprise his friends already this visit, Cullen grinned at Dorian before standing with his hand out to his lover. Alistair's face lit up as he took the proffered hand and the duo made their way to the dancefloor, effectively ending the conversation.

Dorian watched in disbelief. He'd never before seen Cullen so relaxed-carefree-and he absentmindedly wondered when he had learned to dance so well? _This_ Cullen, seemed like a wholly different person than the broken Templar he'd met all those years ago. He was very proud of the improvements Cullen made over the years, but there were so many firsts just within the past year that it made him tear up with how happy he was for his traditionally sullen friend.

Dorian looked at him now, with his arms around the man he'd completely fallen for-swaying in time to the music-foreheads touching in perfectly content adoration. Timed with certain parts of the song, Cullen would spin Alistair out then back into his arms again as they smiled into each other's eyes and hearts.

Leliana noticed Dorian staring. "They move very well together, no? As if the Maker himself designed them as two parts of the same whole." She smiled affectionately at the two of them swaying to the music and chuckled, "You should have seen the first time Alistair asked Cullen to dance. The look of fear on his sweet face would have been comical if it wasn't so painful. He's never actually been _bad_ at dancing, he is very coordinated, after all. He was just lacking in… confidence. Now the two move so beautifully together, it sometimes takes my breath away."

"And here I thought I was the only one to have that honor, my sweet nightingale." Lana approached just then and offered her hand to her wife. "It's not often that I get the pleasure of having you off-stage. Would _you_ like to dance, my love?"

"But of course, chéri. Nothing would bring me more pleasure." Leliana positively purred as they joined those already dancing in the middle of the room.

As the song ended and another slow song began, Bull watched the two couples as they continued to dance, wrapped up in one another. Looking into his husband's eyes, he whispered, "Here's to thirteen wonderful years, my love, and to many, many more."

Pulling Dorian closer, Bull enjoyed the quiet moment of just the two of them together.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Please keep an eye out this week for a follow up, one-shot. It's short, silly, and has the perfect amount of 'cheese' to round out these last three chapters.  
The Cocktails & Cheese One-Shots can be found here:  
/works/10911609/chapters/24262392

 **Btw - there is one more chapter for this story arc. Does anyone have a guess as to what the surprise is waiting for Dorian and Bull back at their hotel?**

* * *

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints.  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!  
 **Lola Auditore/Lola Vega** \- My last minute reader, polisher, and all around supportive cheerleader!

 **I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!**

* * *

 _This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing! I am Aurlyn on Tumblr. Thank you all so much!_


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary:**

Tying up all the loose ends in this story arc with fun little snippets.  
-Dorian and Bull get driven back to the hotel.  
-We see a sweet little interlude between Lana & Leliana.  
-Dorian and Bull go exploring their suite.  
-You FINALLY find out what the surprise is!  
-Alistair and Cullen get a little NSFW (Who them? Never!)  
-Then we end on an AWWWWwwww.  
You're welcome! ;)

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **This Chapter is NSFW!** You have been warned!  
There's naked, sexy, fun time afoot! Beware! (and enjoy) ;)

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games  
All twisted perversions therein,  
Are all on me ~ You're welcome!  
**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 26**

Broken Bottle Part 4

* * *

As Cullen drove the Pavuses to the Theirin hotel at half past three in the morning, he found himself chuckling at the conversation about their evening at Alistair's.

"You weren't kidding, Amatus. That was quite the show tonight." Dorian announced as they wound their way through the vacant city streets. "The provocative way those two danced together… are you sure there's nothing there to be jealous over?"

"Aww, you're getting indignant for me? That's cute, Dorian." Cullen laughed, "Lana assured me, the first time I met Zevran, that there has never been anything between the two of them. Zevran is just naturally flirty-as in-he doesn't know how _not_ to be. As for Alistair," Cullen grinned deviously at Bull, "he can use those Maker-given talents on me, anytime he wants. Preferably when we're alone... Without clothes."

Bull sputtered, "Dammit, Cullen! Usually it's Dorian and I making _you_ blush, now you're giving as good as you get. I may need to step up my game. Or-I could just let you have this. I like seeing you this happy. In alI honesty, it's about time you found someone. It wasn't healthy for you to be alone for so long."

"I had very good reasons for waiting, Bull."

"I know, but still. I'm happy for you. So learn how to take a complement, damnit."

"In that case, thank you. I can't even begin to describe how complete I feel when we're together."

Dorian and Bull shared _a knowing look_ , before Dorian asked, "How come he didn't come with you to drop us off?"

Cullen shrugged, "He said he had few things still to do to close up shop. Don't worry, you'll see him again before you head back to Tevinter." Cullen smirked. "Providing, of course, that we can pry you away from your hotel room."

"Oh, there you go again-teasing us! Aren't you going to at least give us a little clue as to what we have waiting for us?" Dorian was positively bouncing with excitement in the backseat.

"I think you'll really like it," Cullen supplied unhelpfully as Dorian rolled his eyes. "We've strategically placed several _care packages_ around the suite for your… uh, added pleasure. There is one small package, however, that is for Dorian's eyes only." He shifted to address Bull directly, "Don't go peeking ahead of time, either. You'll spoil the surprise."

"So, where is this package located so I don't go ruining anything inadvertently?" Bull asked with a glint of excitement in his own eye.

Cullen looked at Dorian through the rearview mirror, "You'll find it on the bathroom sink. It's wrapped with a bow; hard to miss."

Dorian's eyes lit up, but before he could respond, they pulled up to the Hotel. Cullen waved away the approaching valet, "I'm just dropping off Mr. Theirin's guests, they'll be staying in The Qunari suite." He handed, the young man the room key and slipped him a bill.

"Yes, Mr. Rutherford. Any special instructions, sir?"

"I believe everything has already been taken care of. Please just add anything extra to our tab and we'll take care of it when they check out at the end of the week." He pulled the bags from the back of his Jeep and handed them to the valet before turning to his friends.

"You two have fun, and try not to cause any trouble." He finished with a wink and hugged Dorian, then Bull.

"You're not coming up, Amatus?" Dorian asked.

Shaking his head, he chuckled, "I've monopolised most of your evening, now it's time for you two to play and for me to get back home to Alistair." He wiggled his eyebrows before waving his farewell.

Climbing back into his Jeep, Cullen sighed with contentment then started driving back to the bar.

 _Home._

They'd been together for several months now and though he still had his own apartment, he spent so much time at Alistair's that he considered it his second home. Based on their work schedules, they split their time between the two locations, the only time they slept apart was when their work assignments got in the way. Otherwise, they preferred the comfort of each other's arms and that suited Cullen, just fine.

As he pulled into his usual spot in the parking garage, Cullen shivered in anticipation. He loved watching Alistair _dance_ on Fridays and Saturdays. It was incredibly tantalizing and usually left him craving more _personal_ attention to sate the build-up the evening provided. Tonight's events left Cullen more excited than usual. He couldn't wait to get upstairs to have those tasty little, erotic hip-swivels all to himself.

 _I really hope Alistair isn't asleep yet._

* * *

Lana and Leliana were lying naked, basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking. Lana's sex tousled hair splaying out over Leliana's creamy white breasts, her fingertips drawing light circles over her smooth flat stomach.

Leliana was caressing Lana's shoulders when she remembered something from earlier in the evening. "Chéri?" she began.

"Yes, love?" Lana looked up into her wife's beautiful blue eyes.

"What was it that you were giggling about earlier? Alistair said that I could ask you about it later." Leliana prompted at Lana's confused look, "I think it had something to do with the anniversary gift?"

Lana giggled again at the memory. "Those boys of ours put together quite the little welcome for Dorian and Bull back at their hotel."

"Oh? Do tell!"

"Well, Alistair managed to secure the Qunari honeymoon suite for them, for starters."

"The Qunari suite? Isn't that one designed to cater to every sexual pleasure one could think of? I heard that it has a Jacuzzi tub big enough for two large men, a massive four poster bed with bondage brackets built right in, _and_ a separate 'play' room with specialized furniture catering to very specific… appetites. Is it true?" Leliana was positively glowing with excitement at the possibilities such a room would provide.

"Among other… luxuries." Lana pushed her body up, brushing her nipples lightly over Leliana's sensitive skin as she repositioned herself directly over her wife. "Should I request the same room for _our_ anniversary, my love?" Raising her thigh up between her wife's legs, she pressed gently against her already sex-swollen lips. "Would a night in a room like that… excite you?" Lana smiled sweetly, the glint in her eye full of promise.

"You know more than anyone what pleases me, but stop trying to distract me." Leliana pulled Lana's slight form flush with her own, kissing her deeply. "The room sounds exciting enough, but that alone wouldn't usually elicit that kind of response from you. So spill, what have those boys done now?" Leliana's hands were freely roaming over her wife's velvety smooth, bronze skin, massaging her luscious round ass as she waited for the answer.

"From what the boys were thinking about, they seemed to have left several gift baskets around the rooms to uh… enhance their stay."

"Pray tell, sweet wife, what kinds of exciting things did they leave for them?" Leliana stilled her hands, their current passions replaced by the intrigue of tantalizing gossip.

"Well, the basket in the kitchenette has what you would expect: champagne, strawberries, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, that kind of thing. The one on their night stand, has: massage oils, silk ties, honey dust powder, feathers, various types of lube, blindfold, candles, edible body paint, and a few other _necessities_. But the one that surprised me, was the package for Dorian to open privately." Lana tried to stifle the giggles that burst forth by burying her face in Leliana's hair.

"Stop teasing! The suspense is killing me." Leliana chided as she tickled Lana's ribs, which didn't help the fit of giggles at all.

"A wig!" Lana gasped out between hiccups. "They've given Dorian a _red_ wig so Bull can have his very own redhead!"

"Oh mercy me!" Leliana gasped then joined in on Lana's laughter.

* * *

As they approached their room on the penthouse floor, Bull handed his small bag to the bellhop who was already overloaded with baggage. Grinning at Dorian, he swooped him into his arms, bridal style, then indicated for the hotel employee to open the door for them.

Dorian grunted with indignance which quickly turned to laughter as he was carried over the threshold, "I am quite capable of walking, Amatus!" He chided, without heat, as Bull set him down on the lush carpet just inside their lavish room.

"I know, Kadan, but we never got a proper honeymoon, and I just couldn't resist." Bull leaned in to kiss his husband and was interrupted by an uncomfortable cough in the doorway. Chuckling, he turned and tipped the bellhop, "Uh yeah… thanks man, I think I can take it from here." He grinned lasciviously as he ushered the young man out, closing and locking the door behind him.

"Now… where were we, Amatus?" Bull pulled him in for a chaste kiss which quickly escalated.

Dorian came to his senses first, "Amatus," he panted. "Perhaps, we should settle into the room, _before_ we begin to defile every horizontal surface."

Bull groaned, grinding his obvious arousal against Dorian's, "Only the horizontal ones?" He grinned hopefully, then sighed at Dorian's lack of amusement, "Fine. But you _will_ make this up to me later."

"Oh believe me, beloved, I intend to." Dorian reached for Bull's hand and pulled him around to tour the large suite.

They stopped briefly at the first basket in the kitchenette and perused its contents. Settling on two glasses of champagne to start, they began their exploration of the rest of their space, glasses in hand. They moved through the living room, briefly inspecting the giant hot tub, sunk into the middle of the floor, before peeking into the first bedroom.

"Fuck... Me!" Bull exclaimed excitedly!

"Oh believe me, I intend to!" Dorian chuckled darkly as he sauntered past him into the large dungeon themed 'play' room. Bull stood gaping at the door as Dorian made his way around the room. Each wall was a different texture. The restraints and implements assigned to them, designed to both enhance and accentuate the experience.

Giving a cursory perusal, Dorian stopped at the fur lined wall and picked up a long feather, "What do you think, my love? Shall we start soft? Fur Cuffs, with me… _tickling_ your fancy?"

Bull gulped audibly, "If it pleases you, sir." He slipped easily into his role.

Dorian grinned. Walking up to his husband, he cupped his cheek and placed a chaste kiss upon his lips, "You are such a good boy for me. But for now, we are just looking. And, perhaps, cataloging what we want to _play with_ , later."

He took Bull's hand and led him around the room. Together they explored the _soft_ wall with its accompanying fur, silk, and feathers. Next they investigated the _hard_ wall made of concrete with its metal shackles, wooden paddles, canes, and other accoutrements. Everything on the third wall was made of-or covered in-leather: restraints, cat-o-nine tails, whips, clamps, and blindfolds. The final wall was completely covered in mirrors; the round door handle, the only blemish on an otherwise perfect reflection of the room.

In the middle of the large space, there were several rings and a sturdy horizontal pole hanging from strategically placed anchors in the ceiling.

Dorian hoped he could remember all of his favorite shibari knots. It'd been a long time since they'd indulged in a bit of suspension bondage. It's not easy to find a rigging strong enough to comfortably and safely hold up his husband. Knowing this suite was designed for people of Bull's stature, opened up all sorts of fun possibilities for their stay.

Next to the rings, there was a multipositional restraining bench and a large slate table with hooks built into it ready for use with the various cuffs and binds hanging from the walls. Between the bench and the table was a large chest labeled simply 'Kinbaku'.

Bull lifted the lid on the rope-filled chest and grinned widely, "Yes please, and thank you!"

Dorian laughed, playfully slapping Bull's wrist so he released the lid, "Down boy. We'll get to all the good toys in due time. First, we must see what else this little treasure trove has in store for us. We may have to prioritize. We only have one week, after all. Shall we?" He indicated that Bull should precede him through the door.

They eventually found their bedroom at the end of the hall and stopped in awe at the opulence. The giant four poster bed was the centerpiece and took up most of the room. Bull immediately went to inspect the bondage anchors built right into the bed frame. "Dorian, I think I must have died and gone to heaven. Will you please pinch me so I know I'm not dreaming?"

Dorian sidled up to his husband and pinched his ass causing Bull to jump, "Yup, definitely awake." He glanced around the room, "Remind me to thank them for all of this later. I can't even-" Dorian suddenly dashed over to the far corner of the room. "Uh-Bull?" He quickly pulled himself into the main strap of the free-hanging swing and struck a pose.

"Yes, Amatus?" Bull turned to look and laughed.

Dorian grinned evilly, "Do I need to warn you about staying out of this swing?"

"But, it looks much sturdier than the one _we_ had!" Bull pouted.

"No! Just… no. Cullen told us _not_ to break anything. I would simply never hear the end of it!" Dorian reminded him as he climbed out of the contraption to rejoin his husband who had discovered the gift basket on the nightstand. "Oooh, lots of pretty play-things! They are definitely getting a fruit basket for this!"

"Forget fruit baskets! I may offer to bear their children as thanks for all this!" Bull gave an appreciative whistle at its contents.

"I don't think you're quite equipped for that, Amatus."

"Yeah, yeah." Bull was distracted by a pair of fur lined handcuffs and a silk blindfold in the basket.

Leaving his husband to rifle through their bedside goodies, Dorian excused himself and slipped into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him.

A few minutes later, Bull heard excited cackling, "Uh… Dorian? Should I be worried?"

Dorian tried repeatedly to get himself under control before he was able to finally respond, "Oh, Kadan… you are going to absolutely _love_ this!"

* * *

Alistair paced the open floor plan of his loft. They'd been planning this visit with Dorian and Bull for weeks. He watched with growing admiration as Cullen threw himself-selflessly-into making this anniversary, the most memorable for them yet. Cullen wasn't usually the kind of man who felt the need to throw around his money to impress others. He showed how much he cared with little gestures, touches, and very rarely, a heartfelt-or well thought out-gift. Reaching up with a smile, Alistair fingered the coin that he wore on a chain around his neck.

This was one of those occasions where Cullen had gone above and beyond. Watching how methodically Cullen planned each and every aspect of their _gift_ , Alistair realized that he wanted to do a little something for Cullen as well. Nothing as extravagant as the plush hotel accommodations. No, he wanted something more subtle. Which was how he found himself pacing the loft; waiting for Cullen to return from dropping off their guests.

Alistair bid their friends a good night, declining to accompany them on the trip to the hotel. It wasn't far, and he needed a few minutes to get things ready upstairs. With Lana, Leliana, and Zevran's help, they made quick work of the evening clean up, before he excused himself to go get ready.

After showering, he slipped into a pair of Cullen's burgundy, silk sleep pants. They hung low on his hips, and he knew from experience that Cullen _loved_ the way he looked in them. Once dressed, he lit a few candles around the room, sprinkled fresh rose petals on the bed, planted a new bottle of lube under his pillow and made sure the rest of their _supplies_ were well stocked before he deemed everything ready. All he needed now, was Cullen.

As his bare feet padded across the floor, Alistair replayed the events of the evening over in his head: dropping the bottle, Dania's nervous smile, the seething anger on her ex's face, and the calm, dominant presence of Cullen as he put that little shit in his place.

 _Maker, that was hot._

Other than the confrontation, it was a very nice evening that got even better when Cullen asked him to dance.

 _Boy, can that man dance!_

They held each other close, swaying to the music, fully losing themselves in the moment as the band played all of their favorite songs. It wasn't until Lana intervened that they realized, they'd stopped dancing altogether. When she'd tapped them on the shoulders to pull them from their _overly enthusiastic_ kiss, their hands were fisted in each other's hair and they were panting for breath. It took them a few more moments-and perhaps, a little _discrete calming energy_ from Lana-before they were confident enough to step apart, without revealing the full extent of their arousal. With a flush to both of their faces, they'd both agreed to pick that up again...later.

Now, it was later and Alistair couldn't wait to ambush Cullen when he came in. The sound of the door opening at the bottom of the stairs brought Alistair out of his reverie. He took a deep breath as he listened to Cullen's feet ascend the stairs.

* * *

When Cullen opened the front door, Alistair was leaning casually against the opposite wall of the entryway; his legs crossed at his ankles, his arms folded over his bare chest.

"I wasn't sure if you'd still be up. It's late." Cullen toed off his shoes then stepped into Alistair's arms, greeting him with a kiss.

"It's actually _really_ early," he smirked, "and I was waiting up-for you."

"Oh?" Was all Cullen could manage before he tipped his head back and moaned when Alistair placed open mouthed kisses on his neck.

"Mmm." Alistair hummed softly. "I've been thinking." He removed Cullen's coat and tossed it toward the stand in the corner.

He missed.

He didn't care.

Pressing Cullen firmly against the wall, he kissed his way over the rough stubble on his cheek.

"What have you been thinking about?" Cullen's voice hitched, his hands actively roaming over the delicious contours of Alistair's back.

Swiveling his hips, Alistair moaned as their growing erections rubbed together through their clothing. His lips and tongue continuing their assault on Cullen's willpower; he breathed out between kisses, "I was thinking about how incredibly _hot_ it was to watch you tonight. You took control, minimized the fallout, protected the innocent, and made it look so effortless. Do you have any idea what seeing you like that does to me?" Alistair ran his fingers through Cullen's hair, grabbing a handful, he slotted their mouths together.

Gasping for breath from the searing kiss, Cullen grabbed Alistair's thighs, wrapping them around his waist as he hoisted him up into his arms. Turning them around, he pressed Alistair's back up against the wall as he began an assault of his own. "I was only doing my job. You-on the other hand-took way too much pleasure in teasing me tonight. You think you were being coy? Eye fucking me from across the room as you moved these gorgeous hips of yours. You know all too well, what you do to me; how the way you move… affects me. And yet, you played it for all it was worth. That tongue, those fucking eyes… this mouth." Cullen dove in again and groaned as Alistair gave as good as he got.

"You are too observant, for your own good."

"I _am_ good at my job."

"You're good at so many things." His breath caught as Cullen began nibbling on his ear. "Sweet Maker! We need to get out of this hallway."

"And there's way too many damn clothes between us." Cullen groaned in frustration when he couldn't get enough friction.

"Don't look at me, I dressed minimally for this. It's you that's over-burdened with attire."

Pulling them from where he had Alistair wedged between himself and the wall, Cullen began the longer than usual journey to their bedroom. Alistair still wrapped firmly around him, making each step more difficult than the last as he nibbled over his neck. "You know, if you leave marks, I will never hear the end of it at work."

"Your staff, needs a little more excitement in their lives if teasing you over a few love bites, gets their gossip going."

"I like not having excitement at work. It means more people are safe."

"Then perhaps, I should double my efforts-leave more marks for you to try to hide."

"Maybe I need to give your mouth something else to keep it busy."

"Is that a request?"

"Or-maybe I'm not doing _my_ job properly, if you're still able to converse so fluently." With his thumbs hooked in the waistband of Alistair's sleep pants, Cullen dropped him unceremoniously onto the bed and removed his pants in one fluid motion.

Alistair chuckled while crawling backwards up the length of the bed. His cock already hard with a bead of precum at its tip. Laying back against the pillows, he placed one hand behind his head then crooked a finger on his other, beckoning Cullen to come get him.

Cullen looked on with hunger in his eyes as he drew his shirt up and over his head then unbuckled his belt and pants, letting them drop to the floor.

Alistair's eyes drank in the vision before him. He licked his lips at the sight of Cullen's dick laying thick and heavy in its bed of blonde curls. Cullen's gaze never left Alistair's as he prowled his way up the bed. There's no other word to describe it. His movements were hungry and predatory. He crawled up and over Alistair, bracketing him in with his arms on either side of Alistair's head, knees pressed against his hips.

Their kiss was bracing, all tongues and heat as Cullen rubbed his dick against Alistair's, beads of precum coating the way. Alistair ran his hands down Cullen's back, over his hips, then down the cleft of his ass before he bumped into something he wasn't expecting.

He looked up in surprise and found Cullen smirking at him. "Why you… is that, what I think it is?"

Cullen leaned over and whispered in Alistair's ear, taking great pleasure in barely touching the sensitive flesh. "That depends, my love; on what you think it is?" Cullen pushed back into Alistair's fingers, nudging at the soft silicone plug nestled there.

Chuckling darkly, Alistair tapped it a few times causing Cullen to thrust forward again and moan with pleasure. "This is new for us. I think I like it." Alistair gripped the base and twisted it inside his lover, watching him arch his back. Thrusting it shallowly a couple times before nestling it back into Cullen's hole, holding it in place with his fingers. "You like that, I take it? When did you get toys?"

Cullen tried to catch his breath, but ended up speaking between ragged pants, "Wasn't… only shopping for… them last week. Bought a few things for us to play with as well."

"Have you been wearing this all night?"

Cullen shook his head, "I put it in, just before midnight."

"I was wondering where you disappeared to."

"Wanted to surprise you. Been half hard all night, watching you dance, imagining you inside me, moving-" Cullen gasped as Alistair grabbed the plug again and began thrusting it directly into his prostate. "Maker! That feels so good."

"Yeah?"

Cullen nodded, "But you know what would feel even better?"

"Mmmm what's that?" Alistair released the plug and ran his hands up Cullen's back, pulling him flush with his body, kissing him deeply as they continued to rut together.

"Feeling you… inside of me. Want you… need you, Alistair, please?"

Alistair gently removed the plug and dropped it over the side of the bed, before grabbing the bottle of lube from underneath the pillow. Cullen raised his hips, so Alistair could reach between them to slick himself up. They locked eyes, suddenly still as Alistair slowly slid inside of Cullen. Their names mere whispers on their lips as their bodies became one.

The franticness of their earlier actions, replaced with a slow, deliberate attentiveness. Cullen rested only a moment as they caught their breath and adjusted, relishing in the feel of being so connected, so full. Then he started to move, slowly sliding up and down Alistair's length.

While Cullen drove them closer to completion, Alistair guided them with his hands on Cullen's ass; moving him where he wanted him. Thrusting from below with those fucking amazing hips, to meet each and every deliberate drop of Cullen's body.

Alistair paused, holding Cullen completely still; that devious smirk back on his face. Effortlessly flipping Cullen over onto his back, Alistair began to pound into him with wild abandon. Their earlier urgency back with a vengeance. Cullens' nails raked down Alistair's back, Alistair's eyes closed tight as he thrust hard and fast into his lover.

 _Maker, he's so tight. So perfect. So…_

"Cullen, I… not going to-last." Alistair grunted out between gasps of breath.

He was enjoying every last ounce of energy provided by that blessed Warden stamina. He felt so full, his own orgasm; _right there_. Reaching between them, Cullen grabbed his cock and gave it a squeeze then a few strokes before he came with a shout, spurting between them. Hot, messy. His toes curled as his back arched into his climax.

Seeing Cullen come undone below him, Alistair continued to chase his own release. "Cullen," He panted. "Wrap yourself around me."

He couldn't form words, but he could obey the direction. Cullen wrapped his legs tightly around Alistair's slender hips, then his arms around Alistair's shoulders, pulling them chest to chest. As their lips met, Alistair shuddered and froze as his orgasm overtook him. Cullen's tiny hip thrusts, milking the last vestiges of his release from his body.

"Holy, Maker! That was intense!" Cullen whispered between peppered kisses to Alistair's forehead and cheeks when he finally found his voice. He ran his hands up and down Alistair's sweat slicked back as their breathing slowly evened out.

Slipping from Cullen's body, Alistair grimaced before he rolled off and lay against Cullen's side. "You know, I always thought I would end up dying in battle," he managed with a chuckle, "But, I think _you_ may just be the true end to me someday."

Cullen rolled over so he was once again face to face with Alistair and kissed him on the nose. "But what a way to go, huh? I would much rather die impaled on you than someone else's blade." Cullen grinned wickedly.

Alistair laughed, "You are a bad, bad man."

"Yes, but you love me."

"That I do! So… now that we've gotten all of that pent up _urgency_ out of the way. How'd our guests like their room?"

"They seemed pleased with the location, but I didn't uh… follow them up."

"No? How come?"

"Please, you've seen them together. Do you think I really wanted to be in that room when they started looking around? I've seen way too much of the two of them together for my liking, and had to replace furniture when they were finished. I'm happy just knowing they're there and safe. I'm sure we'll get more details than we want when they get back anyway."

"Damn - I was hoping to hear what they thought about the wig."

Cullen chuckled, "If I know Dorian, he probably giggled for a full five minutes before he used it to his full advantage. Bull's been going on about redheads for as long as I've known him. Dorian has secretly lamented the fact that his hair is too dark to dye and he doesn't have a penchant for illusions, so it's always just been one of those things. I'm sure, we'll get a full report on how well our gifts were received later in the week. I don't expect for them to emerge for at least a few days though."

"You got everything set up for room service, so it's charged to us and not them?"

"I did. No stone left unturned. They will be well and spoiled by the end of this trip."

"Good."

"I appreciate you helping out with everything y'know."

"I'm happy to help. It's nice to see two people so happy together, it's just not that common anymore. Not lastingly anyway. I'd do the same for Lana and Leliana as well, if either of those stubborn women would ever let me."

Cullen laughed, "Good luck with that, maybe we'll have to figure out a way to surprise them."

"If you figure out how to surprise Lana, you let me know. Cause I gave up trying long ago. It's no fun to try to surprise someone if they can just pluck the thoughts out of your head."

"I may still have a trick or two up my sleeve." Cullen wiggled his eyebrows, "We'll do something special for the two of them too - you may have to trust me with all the planning, keeping the rest of you in the dark, but hey - I think we could make it work."

Alistair beamed, "I'd really like that. You are something else, you know that?"

Cullen kissed him gently, then lay on his back, pulling Alistair to his chest. "What do you mean?"

"I mean - all the things you do for everyone, you make it seem so effortless. You want to make your best friend's anniversary the best one ever, so you make it happen."

"I had help."

"You diverted a situation that could have gone horribly wrong-in the most peaceful way possible-and everyone left happy."

"Not everyone, Nick wasn't very happy - and I did punch him in the face, so not entirely peaceful either."

"That was a love tap."

Cullen playfully slapped Alistair's ass, "Like that?"

Alistair laughed, "No, you ass. You gave him a quick jab to get his attention, then you held it and kept him from hurting anyone."

Cullen opened his mouth to speak but Alistair cut him off, "And he may not have left all smiles and rainbows, but he was allowed to walk out. You didn't arrest him."

"I didn't have enough to hold him on. And with _that family_ , you really need to have hard evidence. Right there in front of you. In black and white."

"I understand. But still, worse case scenario? That jackass could have come in, hurt people, you would have had to leave to go process the paperwork and your guests wouldn't have had the opportunity to see how well this ass moves on the dancefloor." Alistair carefully cupped one of Cullen's cheeks, squeezing it gently.

Cullen ran his fingers through Alistair's hair, letting them land on the back of his neck. "Yes, you're right. It could have been worse. But it didn't. And I'm glad I was able to contain it. In all honesty, I really didn't like the way he was looking at you. I've seen that blind hatred before. I still don't trust that he won't come back."

"Let him try."

"When he does, he can't say that I didn't warn him." Cullen chuckled darkly. "Just him alone? I wouldn't worry. But guys like that, tend to run in packs. I don't like the idea of you getting hurt."

Alistair laughed, pulling Cullen in for a quick kiss. "Welcome to my world, love. Both of us live in a world where we're going to go up against some pretty serious shit. So far, both of us have survived. And we're going to continue to survive. The Mac Tir's have had their eye on my father's family for so many generations, I don't think anyone could pinpoint exactly how long it's been."

"Your father's family?"

"I may be a Theirin by name, but my _family_ is right here." He pulled Cullen into a tight hug. "My family also lives at the chantry in a plain little room on the west end, wanders wherever his orders take him-so I never know where he is, and the rest live just down the block. Lana, Leliana, Duncan, Zevran, Mother Natalie… and you. You are my family."

"You know, Mia would be very offended if you didn't add her to that list too."

Alistair grinned, "Mia likes me that much?"

"She never shuts up about you. The last few times we talked, she asked about you and when I'm going to bring you over for another visit."

"In all fairness, you didn't take me to meet her in the first place."

"True, she is a sneaky little thing."

"I think we got off topic." Alistair said then followed it up with a yawn, which spurred Cullen to follow suit.

"Stop that. You're making me sleepy."

"I'm surprised you're even still awake, it's almost five a.m. You've been up for almost 24 hours."

"Wouldn't be my longest vigil, but it's certainly been the most fun." Cullen grinned at Alistair then yawned again before reluctantly getting out of bed. "Join me for a quick rinse off, before we completely soil our sheets?"

"Honestly? I'm actually surprised we managed to keep it all on us." Alistair laughed as he picked a couple rose petals off his thighs, then grimaced as he looked down at his chest. "I definitely think a shower is in order, I'm sure I have roses in places that roses should never be. Then after that...more snuggles!" He streaked by, throwing a handful of rosepettles in Cullen's hair as he passed into the bathroom, "And I get to be the big spoon tonight!"

Cullen rolled his eyes, but chuckled at his lover's antics. He wouldn't have him any other way.

* * *

As the morning sun gradually lightened the room, Bull and Dorian lay nestled together in each other's arms. Dorian's head rested comfortably on Bull's shoulder as thick fingers deftly played with his soft, black hair.

The wig lay crumpled in a heap across the room.

Dorian sighed.

"That's an ominous sound. What's on your mind, Kadan?"

"I was just thinking."

"About?"

"Do you ever…" Dorian took a deep breath and tried again, "I know that you love me, of that I have no doubt. But do you ever wish-that I looked different?"

Bull glanced over at the discarded wig, then back at his husband and placed a tender kiss on his brow. "I want you to look, like you." He tilted Dorian's chin up so he could place a light kiss on his lips. "Would you like to know one of my biggest secrets, Amatus?"

Dorian smiled content with Bull's gentle affections and nodded curiously.

Bull looked around conspiratorially before whispering in Dorian's ear, "My... _thing_ for redheads, isn't really a thing at all. You want to know what _really_ gets me all hot and bothered?"

Dorian's eyes went wide as he looked on in wonder.

"After all these years, the _only_ thing that does it for me; the one thing-above all else-that gets my motor running; the object of all of my deepest, darkest, dirtiest desires as well as my sweetest, most beautiful, romantic fantasies. Do you want to know what it is?"

Unshed tears glistened in Dorian's eyes, he could only nod.

"It's you, Dorian. You are my everything. You are all I will ever need. You are all that I could ever want. My best friend, my lover, my husband-my Kadan."

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Well, this chapter took me a lot longer to get out than I was expecting. You have my heartfelt apologies!  
And it was mostly all written too! I only had one scene to add to make it complete. (Granted, that addition more than doubled the length of the chapter, but still.)

Unfortunately, I discovered that it's really difficult to write smut while away at a week long work retreat, who knew? Add to that, the back to school insanity that has been my household lately, and you get my feeble excuses for tardiness. But we made it! YAY!

I really hope it was worth the wait. ;)

Having said that, I have more good/bad news. The good news? The next 10(ish) chapter story arc is already 95% written. The bad news? I'm going to take a few weeks to fill in those blanks to make sure all my delicate little plot babies are where they're supposed to be and behaving appropriately, _before_ I start posting it. Since life has started to mellow back into its normal routine, I'm hoping to start posting sooner rather than later. My ultimate goal is to have that story arc completely up for your viewing pleasure by the end of the year. So, worst case scenario? Chapter 27 will be up by mid October. Best case? I won't be able to wait and you'll get to meet Morrigan much sooner than that. Damnit! Did I just give something away? shhhh. Patience my loves... all in good time. ;)

* * *

 **The Usual Gratuities!**  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints.  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, she was there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!  
 **Lola Auditore/Lola Vega** \- My last minute reader, polisher, and all around supportive cheerleader!

 **I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!**

* * *

 _This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing!_

 _I am Aurlyn on Tumblr. Thank you all so much!_


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary:**

The Secrets & Salvation chapters of this story has begun!

What happens when Alistair's past comes to pay a visit?  
We're about to find out!  
Hang on to your hats, there are a few bumps on this road, but nothing our two lovers can't handle.

* * *

 **Notes:**

This Chapter is SAFE for work. Some mild angst, but nothing terrible.

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!  
**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 27**

Secrets and Salvation Part 1

* * *

 **Wednesday**

The door opened before Cullen could grasp the brass handle. Leliana quickly looked up and down the sidewalk before tugging him inside and locking the door behind him.

He looked between Lana and Leliana while hanging up his coat, dripping from the late-autumn rain. "Is everything ok?" Cullen took in the empty room, it was six-thirty p.m. in the middle of the week-they should have opened three and a half hours ago. Wednesdays weren't usually a busy night, but they still boasted a regular stream of customers stopping off after work for a drink.

 _Why are they still closed?_

Before Leliana could answer, Alistair's voice came booming from the stockroom. "Why come to me now? You said to never look for you… either of you. And yet, here you are asking for…?"

The low alto of a woman replied, equally angry, but burdened with fear and sadness, "Alistair, I had nowhere else to go. No one knows my mother like you and Lana do. I need... help, all right? I need help trying to figure out what she's planning. This can't be a coincidence… it just can't."

Cullen looked to Lana, hoping to get some answers. Worrying away at her hands, she paced back and forth; sentinel to what was transpiring in the back. Only sparing Cullen a glance, she waved for him to take a seat.

Leliana laid a gentle hand on his arm, "Between you and me, it sounds like Alistair has had better days, no?"

"What's going on, Leliana?"

"I think it is best if we stay out of it, at least for the moment. When the dust settles, you will get the answers you seek."

Alistair pleaded, softer than before, "Where is he now, Morrigan?"

 _Who's Morrigan?_

Cullen walked over to the bar to sit and wait. Leliana poured him a drink while he tried to glean as much as he could from their conversation.

"He's safe… for now. You… you don't need to know _where_ he is." Her voice sounded guarded and unsure.

 _Has she been hurt before? Who is she trying to protect? Why won't she let Alistair help? Who is she hiding from? Who is she?_

"You don't need to protect him from _me_ , Morrigan. You should know better than that." There was a pause, then an angrier, "You don't want my help to protect him! Did you think I wouldn't want to? Or that I'm just inept to do any good?"

 _Alistair sounded defeated, a little surprised, and perhaps… hurt?_

"He's not _yours_ to protect, Alistair!"

 _Who's not his? Maker's sake, I wish I knew what was going on!_

Cullen looked to Lana for answers, but she just kept pacing, not meeting anyone's eyes.

Alistair shouted again, "Then why are you here!?"

 _Holy crap! I didn't know he could sound so pissed!_

Her reply came so quietly, that Cullen could barely hear it, especially after Alistair's outburst, "I… don't know. He means _everything_ to me. I hate to admit it, but I'm scared. Scared of what she'll do with him. Scared of what _I_ would be… without him."

There was a long pause, then quietly, "Morrigan."

"Don't… just don't Alistair." Her words were clipped and if Cullen wasn't mistaken, came from closer to the doorway.

Her footsteps paused with a surprised shuffle when Alistair quietly said, "You've changed."

"And you haven't. Still the prattling little twit that used to annoy me, day in and day out."

Alistair sniggered, "Hey, a guy's gotta be good at something!... I'm serious though."

"For once."

"Oh - ha. ha." There was a pause and Cullen strained to hear, "You truly love him. I never thought I'd see the day where you put someone else before yourself. It's… refreshing actually."

"Oh, shut-up, Alistair."

He responded, but Cullen wasn't sure he heard him correctly. "I'd… like to meet him."

"What? No!"

"Why not?" Alistair's voice cracked with indignance.

"That wasn't in the deal." She responded heatedly.

"Then why come to me at all? You won't let me _do_ anything! All I know is, he's in danger and you're too damn guarded to let us in." Alistair's voice crescendoed until something shattered against the wall. There was a groan followed by a much calmer, "If you won't let me help protect him, why don't you just-leave."

"I came to you for information, Alistair, not help. If you have nothing to offer… I'll go. But if you… If you hear anything about where that Witch might be, or what she might be up to… will you please… call me?"

Alistair sighed, "Will do."

A tall, slender woman with raven black hair-wearing far too little for the cool weather they'd been having-came out of the back room and gave Lana an affectionate hug. She spared only a glance for Cullen before she waved at Leliana and with a gentle pull of energy and a quick flick of her wrist, unbolted the lock on the door, then left.

 _Well, that was… interesting. Maybe now I'll get some answers._

Cullen quickly downed the rest of his drink and rose from his seat.

Alistair appeared in the doorway looking defeated. Lana brushed his arm with her hand and nodded toward Cullen.

Shoulders hunched, Alistair briefly met Cullen's gaze before dropping his eyes. With a deep resigned breath, he beckoned him to follow.

 _Oh this can't be good. What in Andraste's name happened to make him look… so lost?_

Alistair stopped just inside the storeroom, head bowed, "Do you remember when I said I didn't like secrets?"

Cullen wrapped his arms around Alistair from behind, "Yes, but secrets are one thing, not knowing everything about each other's past, is different. There are aspects of _my_ life that I have yet to be able to share. It would be reasonable to assume that you have the same." Cullen turned Alistair around and tilted his chin up to face him, "And hey, whatever it is, we _will_ get through it."

Alistair sagged against Cullen, "You say that now, but this one's a doozy."

"Did it just walk out the door?"

"Part of it, but there's more..." Alistair closed his eyes and took a slow steadying breath. "I don't want to keep _this_ secret anymore and you deserve to know. Let's go upstairs, I need to sit down and I definitely need a drink."

Reluctantly pulling himself out of Cullen's embrace, Alistair grabbed the closest bottle out of one of the crates and headed for the stairs. "Let's get this over with… before I lose my nerve."

 _Whatever's bothering him, can't be that bad-can it?_

Cullen watched Alistair take a large drink from the bottle as he strode up the stairs.

 _Well shit! Maybe it is that bad! I've never seen him self-medicate with alcohol before._

Entering the loft, he noted that Alistair didn't bother to remove his shoes and hesitated only a moment before deciding to leave his on as well. Alistair was sitting on the sofa, hunched over with his elbows on his knees and his head in one of his hands-the other still held the bottle.

"What is it, Alistair? What's wrong?" Cullen sat next to him wondering if it would be ok if he touched him.

"I told you about how Lana and I met, right?"

"Yes, you said she was conscripted to join the Wardens about six months after you did."

"How much do you _really_ know about what we do? Spell it out for me, so I know which holes to fill in."

"Enough to know that I would never want your job. You are peacekeepers-of a sort-like me, but whereas I _mostly_ deal with the mundane world, Warden's deal in things that everyday people don't-or _won't-_ see: demons, darkspawn, magic."

 _I wish I could un-see, some of the things I've seen._

Cullen took a steadying breath then continued, "You fight beyond the veil, keeping in check the horrors, so everyday people can live their lives-blissfully unaware. When the fight bleeds over to Thedas proper, it is the Wardens that manage the cleanup and cover-up. They… explain away the unexplainable."

 _I wonder how hard it was to cover up what happened to me, that day at the tower?_

Shaking his head to clear it, he continued, "I know… that it is a very secretive organization and that, once you are in the order, you are usually bound to it for life. You and Lana being the only exception to _that_ rule, that I know of."

Alistair shook his head, "There is _one_ other, he's currently a hotshot lawyer, in Kirkwall."

"Is that the guy you mentioned for Dania & Connie?"

Alistair nodded, "Anders, yes. He's very adamant about making sure justice is served. Ensuring that the Mac Tirs don't get away with any of their usual bullshit, is right up his alley."

"If the girls contact us again, we can contact him for his assistance, but in the meantime-" Cullen placed his hand gently on Alistair's back and began to rub small soothing circles, "Why don't you tell me what happened. I'm not sure I can tell you anything more about the Wardens. I am well versed in most of the legends and having seen what I've seen, I'm pretty sure whatever it is you have to tell me, will not be a surprise."

Alistair shrugged then took another long drink from the bottle; coughing as the cheap liquor burned his throat. "When we all first started out together, things were insane. We were always moving, always traveling. We picked up quite a few _friends_ during our adventures-others who possessed the sight that wanted to aid in our cause. That's where we met Morrigan, then later, Leliana and Zevran. There were nine of us total, only Lana and I-Wardens. We traveled together, fighting the good fight, bound together by a common desire to defeat the darkness before it consumed everything."

"I remember the time," Cullen's hand stilled on Alistair's back. "It was a dark one for me as well, it was like the whole world went mad all at once."

Alistair nodded, "The battles were growing more frequent and the darkspawn were ever increasing in number. Usually when that happens, it means there's a major force driving them on, causing them to reproduce exponentially. In short, an Archdemon was at the reigns."

The little gasp that escaped Cullen barely registered to Alistair as he recounted the event.

"We were on the eve of-what we hoped to be-the final battle. Lana and I were pulled into a secret meeting with another Warden we'd recently met up with. Well, rescued actually. We'd found him wasting away in Howe's dungeon, but the timing couldn't have been better, for him or us."

Cullen cocked his head, "Wasn't that the guy behind the Cousland family massacre?"

"It was."

"He was never caught." Cullen signed.

"Oh he was caught. He just-didn't survive trying to kill us too."

"Shit."

"Yeah." Alistair sighed, "couldn't have happened to a _nicer_ guy."

Cullen snorted his agreement.

"Anyway, after… after we rescued Riordan, we realized just how new to everything we really were, we had so much to learn." Alistair looked over his shoulder at Cullen, he clearly didn't want to continue.

Cullen braced for something truly horrible, "Go on," he encouraged.

"Riordan informed us that to be successful and win the war... one of the three of us would need to die taking the Archdemon's life." He sighed heavily before reciting the writ, _"The life of a Warden will need to be sacrificed in order for the Archdemon to be no more."_

"But there were three of you there; a possibility of you and Lana surviving."

Alistair shrugged, "In a battle like that, there are no guarantees."

Cullen nodded the concession.

"Yes, Riordan was senior to us and volunteered to be the first to go in, but there was still the chance that one-or-all of us wouldn't survive. We had been through so much together, to come to the end and realize that this was it. I would have gladly gone to the grave for her, for any of them. Well, maybe not Morrigan… but it turns out _she_ was the one that held the answer to saving us."

"Before she left, I saw her flippantly wielding magic. So... she's a mage, like Lana and Dorian?"

"She is _nothing_ like Lana and Dorian. They've been molded and trained. They have refined and honed their magic to work for _them,_ with confines, rules, and consequences. Morrigan was born wild and free, her magic is equally wild. She's a _witch_ if ever I saw one. She and her mother can harness the very essence of magic and wield it like you and I breath. It's natural… a part of them. They are both scary powerful!" Alistair shuddered.

"Witches" Cullen deadpanned, "and here I thought you were just calling her names."

"Not-broomsticks and pointy hats-witches; _swooping in_ and frog-time you type witches."

"That sounds bad."

"Swooping… is always bad."

"So I've heard…" Cullen shuddered, "Ok, raw power or not, how could one witch save you from certain death?"

"After our meeting, we were uh… a bit upset."

"Understandably so."

Alistair nodded, "Lana went back to the room she shared with Leliana, to-I don't know-share one last night together, I suppose. But, she wasn't there; Morrigan was. Apparently the _witch_ already knew about what we had to face and what we had to lose. She had a solution-a ritual-that would eliminate the need for our sacrifice. But- _I_ had to participate for it to work."

Alistair took a pull from the bottle to try to blot out the memory.

"To save Lana, to save myself, I-Cullen… I have a son, his name is Kieran, and he is about 10 years old."

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Apparently I suck when it comes to patience. I was going to wait to start posting until mid month, but then decided that I just couldn't wait! I will warn you though, I have two weeks coming up where I won't be posting to this story. The week leading up to October 31st, and the week ending on November 12th. **DAHalloween week** is the week before halloween, and **Alistair Appreciation Week** is the week leading up to the 12th. You can find information on both on Tumblr. I've been working on re-vamping a couple of my older pieces, adding new chapters onto a previously complete work, and creating several new pieces for these events. I'm very excited to challenge myself with these, but it's going to be a lot to keep up with. So figured, I'd get a start on publishing these now, so I can focus on those other projects then, and still round off this story arc by the end of the year. (See it's all part of my plan!)

* * *

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints.  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!  
 **Lola Auditore/Lola Vega** \- My last minute reader, polisher, and all around supportive cheerleader!

I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!

* * *

 _This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing! I am Aurlyn on Tumblr. Thank you all so much!_


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary:**

Alistair has a what?...

Sorry leave you all on that cliff last week, lets find out how Cullen takes that news, shall we?

* * *

 **Notes:**

This Chapter is SAFE for work. Some mild angst, but nothing terrible.  
There will be a lot of Warden lore in this one.  
(more notes at the end for clarification too)

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 28**

Secrets and Salvation Part 2

* * *

 _(continued from last time)_

"To save Lana, to save myself, I- Cullen I… I have a son. His name is Kieran and he should be about ten years old."

"Should be?"

"I've never met him. I'm not sure exactly when he was born. That was part of the deal; Morrigan saved _us_ and we wouldn't go try to find her or _her_ child. I honestly never thought I would see her again."

"That explains the day on the beach… with your questions about Stanton?"

Alistair shrugged one shoulder, "I was picturing what my child would be like. So, yes. Are they similar? Different? I didn't know; I still don't. I didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl before she came in tonight. I planned on telling you. I guess I just hadn't gotten around to it yet. And now Morrigan's here, needing help."

Cullen took the bottle from Alistair and gulped down a few swallows of his own. "Well, I can honestly say, _that_ wasn't what I expected."

"I am so sorry Cullen, I should have told you sooner."

"Does this change anything between us?"

"NO!" Alistair replied hastily, then much softer, "At least-I hope it doesn't? But it's not as if I can ignore the fact that she's here and he's here too… somewhere." He shook his head then planted it firmly in his palms, "I never really gave much thought to having children of my own. What I do is... dangerous, and well, I always hoped to find someone to share my life with _before_ even opening that topic for discussion."

Cullen nodded. "That is understandable. When I first realized that I wasn't attracted to women, I thought children were totally out of the question. But as time went on, marriages of same genders became legal and adoptions to those couples-more accepted. I still never stopped to consider them for myself. Though, I suppose, now is as good a time as any to let you know that if something were to happen to Mia and Sam, I'm listed as the next of kin to raise their children."

Alistair nodded. "That doesn't surprise me, but it's different. That's you taking on responsibility in the wake of tragedy. We've barely been together for half of a year, Cullen. For me to dump something like this on you? I'm honestly surprised you're still sitting there and haven't run for the hills."

"It's going to take more than a surprise kid to scare me off, Alistair. And those other conversations can still happen… in time."

"What we have is still so new and it's been… wonderful. I know I should have told you sooner, I… I guess, I just didn't want to ruin it. I'm sorry."

"Alistair, you haven't ruined anything. So you have a son. So what?"

" _So what_? Cullen, there's a little piece of me _out there_ somewhere! Does he look like me? Does he have my laugh? Is he playful or serious? What's his favorite food? Does he know my name, or that I even exist?" Alistair took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "There are so many unanswered questions, Cullen. I don't know where to start. The only thing I _do_ know… is that I think... I'd like to meet him-"

"Morrigan didn't sound very amenable to that when I walked in."

"You heard that, did you?"

"Some of it, though it was out of context. I figured she was an ex-girlfriend trying to get something out of you. You _are_ a Theirin, so money or influence came to mind." Cullen shrugged away his initial assessment.

Alistair shuddered. "Morrigan? My ex-girlfriend? Now you're just trying to give me nightmares! No, Morrigan and I _barely_ tolerated each other, and that was on a good day. And, she could give a shit about me or any of my familial _assets._ "

Cullen set the bottle down on the table and leaned back, wrapping his arms around Alistair, "And yet, together, you created Kieran. There must have been _something_ between you to allow that to happen."

"Morrigan's only ever looked after herself. It's all I've ever known her to care about. Until… now."

"She and Lana seemed to get along ok?" He posed it as a question, hoping to shed some light on the hug he witnessed earlier. It didn't _look_ superficial.

"She gets along with Lana and Leliana well enough. I suppose they're the closest things to friends she's ever allowed herself to have. I was always just her verbal punching bag."

"When I was a boy, I was told that girls picked on the boys or girls that they liked."

"Not Morrigan. She's not… well, she's not really wired that way."

"What do you mean?"

"She doesn't get… she doesn't _feel_ sexual attraction."

"At all?"

Alistair shrugged, "She always said it wasn't important to her. In one of my less sensitive moments, I told her that she'd be less of a _bitch_ if she'd just get laid. Morrigan reacted… well, let's just say, Lana had to help me put the flames out, then was kind enough to heal me. Afterwards, she pulled me aside and explained about Morrigan being asexual."

"So then Kieran was…"

"Just an arrangement. A means to an end, which is all Morrigan has ever found passion in."

"It sounded like she cares about him now though, otherwise she wouldn't have come here."

"Yeah, she really does. It's a side of her I've never seen before. She's scared, Cullen."

"You look a little scared too. I can understand a Mother's fear over her child, she's lived with him and cared for him for ten years-"

"I'm not afraid!" Alistair exclaimed.

Cullen leveled a gaze at him until he finally relented with a sigh, "Ok fine, I'm afraid."

"What of, exactly?"

"I don't know, take your pick. Being tied to her… failing him. I never really had a father growing up-not one that was there for me anyway. I'm painfully aware of how _that_ felt and how it has tainted my view of my own father. I don't want to make those same mistakes. I'm afraid of what life will be like with him in it, as well as what it would be like if I never get to be part of his. I'm terrified of something happening to him; this big bad that has Morrigan so worried. I want to protect him and keep him safe. Maker, Cullen-with all my heart, I want to shield him from any harm. I'm afraid that she's not going to let me. And to top all of _that_ off, I really don't want any of this to ruin things with you." Alistair sighed in frustration, "My head's just a giant, jumbled mess right now. I don't know what to do."

Cullen rubbed Alistair's arms soothingly, "You don't have to have all the answers, Alistair. Not all at once anyway, and certainly not all by yourself. Let me do what I can to help."

Alistair shrugged his shoulders, but didn't argue.

"Let's piece through some of what we can, what was she trying to accomplish by coming here? She said something about information?"

"Apparently, the whole, 'save the Wardens by getting knocked up' idea was her mother's. Recently, she discovered _what it was_ her mother hoped to get out of the arrangement."

"What was it?"

"I'm not completely sure, but whatever she found out scared the hell out of her-enough to come to me." Alistair sighed, "None of it makes much sense. She said that Flemeth has plans for Kieran, or his soul, or… _extra_ soul? She fears that her mother will _kill_ him to accomplish her goal." Alistair sat forward, pulling out of Cullen's arms.

"Her mother is… F-Flemeth? _The_ Flemeth?" Cullen gulped, "That's uh… wow! We used to tell stories about her in the Chantry. I thought they were just tales made up to scare the younger kids. You're saying she's _real_?"

" _Very_ real. Shapeshifter and all. She saved Lana and I from a burning tower once."

Cullen flinched.

"That's how we got landed with Morrigan. As payment for saving our lives, we had to take her daughter with us on our travels."

"And now Flemeth wants… what? To Find Kieran and sacrifice him in some awful blood ritual?" Cullen seethed at the very idea.

Alistair shook his head, "I don't… I'm not sure. I just know they're on the run, yet she won't let me see him or help to protect them. She doesn't know where her mother is and I think that is scaring her more than anything. Morrigan, by nature, is an insufferable know-it-all and hates it when she doesn't have all the answers. I think she was hoping that Lana and I had heard something through the Warden grapevine. She wants to stay one step ahead of her mother."

"So explain to me how _exactly_ this ritual saved your lives. I understand a child was the byproduct, but help me see _why_ it was necessary."

"To explain the why, I need to elaborate on what we were up against."

"You mean besides an Archdemon and its cronies?"

"Exactly. So, roughly eleven years ago, the darkspawn started to amass numbers. We've already established, that that usually means there's an Archdemon driving them out of hiding."

Cullen's cringed, but remained quiet.

"That's what our little group was fighting, the threat of the darkspawn taking over Thedas. Not only were we fighting them, we were trying to keep the rest of the world blissfully ignorant of all that happening while they all lived their normal everyday lives." Alistair paused in hesitation, "Do you know, what it is that makes Grey Wardens so capable at what they do?"

He shook his head. "I assumed that it was intense training and discipline… like the Templars."

"That is definitely part of it. But, there are… things that we must do-and _consume_ -to connect us to the Darkspawn Hive Mind." Alistair shuddered, "We were so good at what we did, because there was a little phial which bound us together-darkspawn and Wardens. That little bottle helped us sense them. Hell, we could even hear the song of the damned Archdemon herself. To maintain the connection, weekly drafts must be consumed and the phial needed to be replenished. The potion was a combination of our blood, their blood, and… well I can't tell you what it's mixed with, but I _can_ tell you that it tasted horrible! It's not without its flaws either. In return, they could sense us as well. It made us targets, magnets for attack. It was a rough time, especially for Lana." Alistair sighed.

"Can you … still-sense them?"

"No. When we left, our phials were destroyed, the connection from our final draft faded, and eventually went away all together."

"Did you… when you went to fight with Duncan, did you have to… reconnect with them?"

"Thank the Maker, no. As of yet, I haven't needed to. It does stand as a future possibility though. As long as I travel with Duncan-or someone else who is connected-I can rely on my reflexes, experience, and ability to trust my instincts when it comes to the Darkspawn. There's been no need to taint myself further."

Cullen nodded, "So… the ritual with Morrigan?"

"Yes, so, we were about to confront the Archdemon. We'd been told that only a Warden could kill one, but we didn't know why. What we learned was that normally when an Archdemon is slain-say it was by a soldier or a Templar-its soul jumps into the nearest darkspawn tainted creature, starting the cycle over again. The demon isn't truly dead- just dormant. When a _Warden_ strikes that final blow, the soul tries to jump into them-being tainted with darkspawn blood themselves-which destroys them both. _In War, Victory. In Peace, Vigilance. In Death, Sacrifice."_ Alistair recited his oath with sadness.

"You said Riordan was the only other Warden in the area? Where was everyone else?"

"When Lana and I met, we were gathering for a battle in Ostagar."

"You fought at the slaughter of Ostagar?" That now famous war-zone-massacre was at the forefront of some major media coverage. It was labeled the largest act of terrorism on Ferelden soil of all time. "I always thought that story sounded a little thin around the edges."

Alistair shook his head sadly. "Yeah, it wasn't our best cover-up. But, to answer your question, _no_ , we didn't fight. We were there, but Lana and I were sent off at the last hour to light a stupid beacon. Our numbers were decimated in that battle. If Lana and I weren't sent off on that ridiculous errand, we would have died with our brothers-in-arms. After that, it was just Lana and I here in Ferelden. Two-wet behind the ears-Wardens, trying to wear grown-up Warden breeches."

"That's a huge burden to carry."

"Tell me about it. Duncan was in Orlais trying to gather more Wardens, but he didn't make it back before the Archdemon's attack. It was only Lana, Riordan, and I." Alistair bowed his head, "Riordan fell from the back of the demon during the battle and didn't survive. I suppose we had another honorary Warden with us: my Mabari, Brie. She was a sweet girl, completely loyal, and a fierce fighter." Alistair smiled. "She also… _fell_ … during that battle."

Cullen rubbed Alistair's shoulder as he pulled him closer. "Lana told me that you had a Mabari the first time I came up here, but she wouldn't tell me anything about her, except that you miss her dearly. I am so sorry, love."

Alistair leaned into the touch. "Now, that brings us back to answering the ultimate question about Morrigan's _ritual_. The premise-as I understand it-required her to be pregnant with the child of a Warden. The _tainted_ seed inside her would absorb the soul of the demon instead of one of us, freeing us from the burden of sacrifice. Protected in the womb and yet not fully formed, the child would survive. The two souls would cohabitate peacefully, not ever having been alone, neither would need to be destroyed."

"Why couldn't Riordan have performed the ritual?"

"Ha! I asked the same thing while trying to get out of it. Apparently, he'd been a Warden for too long, my own connection to the Archdemon was still relatively new, so it had to be me."

"But it worked; you're still here… and so is Lana."

"And apparently, so is Kieran. My… _son_." Alistair took a shuddering breath.

"So, what of the Archdemon's soul? Do you know if it has… affected Kieran?"

"Lana says it hasn't, she saw him this morning before Morrigan found me. I suppose that's _how_ Morrigan found me. I was told that he is a normal, sweet, ten-year-old boy. Whatever that means."

Cullen tried to soothe him. This was a lot to take in, but he knew in his heart that it didn't change anything for him. He loved Alistair and wouldn't let this come between them. "Alistair… if there's anything I can do, please just let me know."

Apparently this was the wrong thing to say.

Alistair's face flushed in anger, "I don't even know what _I_ can do! She wants to hide him from her mother, yet she won't let me help hide him. I don't know where they're staying. All I have is a phone number to reach her, but I can only use it _if_ I find out anything, yet she doesn't want me actively searching. She walked in here, after ten years, and waved the fact that I have a son in my face, and I can't do a damn thing about it." Alistair took a steadying breath, consciously trying to lower his voice, "Morrigan is this stoic, acid-tongued woman who never gets rattled by anything-and _she_ is visibly scared, Cullen." Alistair buried his head in his hands with a frustrated growl.

Cullen held Alistair tightly to him, in comfort and protection, "We'll figure this out, love."

Getting more agitated, Alistair sat up, pulling out of Cullen's arms. "Why are you not upset about this?"

 _Wait, what?_

"Should I be?"

"I might be, were I in your place. The man you're with has a kid that he's been hiding from you… a byproduct of a fling he had for selfish reasons."

"I wouldn't argue anything that saved your life, Alistair. I never would have met you otherwise."

"You're being pragmatic again. I feel like my world has just been dumped on its ass and you're sitting there all _calm_ and _collected_." Alistair's voice rose with his agitation and yet the more heated he got, the calmer Cullen seemed. "You should be fuming mad at me right now!"

 _Why would I do that?_

"I'm not sure that would help things, it certainly wouldn't change anything."

"No, but it would make _me_ feel better. I deserve your anger. I don't deserve your understanding or kindness… or _you_." Alistair looked away pointedly.

"Alistair, please." Cullen reached out and tried to touch Alistair's shoulder, but he jerked away and stood up.

"No!… Just… don't." Alistair sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. I just need to go clear my head. I need to figure some things out..."

 _Sweet Maker, please don't let him tell me that he needs space._

"I just need some… space." With a heavy sigh Alistair walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

Cullen jumped up and followed. He caught Alistair's wrist just outside the downstairs exit, which closed and latched behind them. The rain was heavier now, drenching through their clothes in seconds. "Alistair!"

Spinning around, Alistair slammed Cullen against the wall, eyes wild and afraid, unfocused.

Cullen wanted to kiss him, to sooth him and tell him that it would be all right. Instead, he wrapped him in his arms. "Alistair, please don't do this, let me know what I can do to help. Please-don't shut me out." He choked back a sob.

Alistair allowed himself to be held for only a moment before pulling back. Cullen thought he felt lips on his cheek as he did, but it could have just been the rain.

"I need to go, Cullen. I have to figure this out." His tone was cold, hard.

"You don't have to do it alone," Cullen rasped.

"I can't ask that of you. You don't need to mop up my transgressions; I'm a big boy; I can do it myself. I should _have_ to."

Alistair pushed away and bolted off into the darkness.

* * *

 **A/N:** Forget what you think you know about Thedas. This is an Alternative Universe, and as such, I've taken liberties with twisting the in-game lore to meet my twisted-little whims. If you have questions, please ask! I've tried to explain things as much as possible in the context of the story, but I would be happy to elaborate on any of my 'creative manipulations' of the in-game lore we've come to know, trust, and love/hate.

 _A few bits that I'd like to address to alleviate any confusion:_

1) There is NO Calling! (Does this mean Alistair and Cullen might actually get a "they lived happily ever after?" Why yes… I believe it might.)

2) The Wardens are not connected for life, though their oaths do still bind them to keep secrets.

3) Phial = Another word for Vial. A small container, typically cylindrical and made of glass, used especially for holding liquid medicines. (thank you dictionary) In this world, phials are devices used in connecting Wardens to Darkspawn. (Like the Templar's Lyrium kit in game, it has its benefits, but ultimately, just means bad juju's.)

4) Templars do _not_ get their boosted powers from Lyrium. Though drug addiction may exist in this world, we have not really seen it yet and it doesn't go hand in hand with being a Templar. (Yes, I got rid of The Calling and lyrium addicted Templars - sorry, I am fond of happily ever afters, especially for my boys. Ok, totally not sorry. And they'll face other trials before they get there, so buckle up.)

5) Mages are _not_ prisoners to the Chantry or to Templars in this world. They are a free people that attend special schools to master their talents. They are 'out of the broom closet' to the _awakened_ world, but are still very much in the closet within mundane society. Think Harry Potter and Hogwarts…. kinda.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints.  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!  
 **Lola Auditore/Lola Vega** \- My last minute reader, polisher, and all around supportive cheerleader!

I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!

* * *

 _This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3 and the feedback I've gotten from both families has been amazing! I am Aurlyn on Tumblr. Thank you all so much!_


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary:**

Poor Cullen. Let's see how he handles the aftermath.

* * *

 **Notes:**

This Chapter is SAFE for work. Some mild angst, but nothing Cullen can't handle.

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 29**

Secrets and Salvation Part 3

* * *

 **Wednesday Cont.**

Cullen stood in the rain, wondering what the hell just happened.

 _Did Alistair just leave me? What did I do wrong?_

He was getting one of his headaches; it'd been a while since he had one.

He tried the door, but it was locked. His keys were still in his coat, currently hanging up inside the bar.

 _Great! Just fucking great!_

Sighing, he walked around to the front of the building. He needed to grab his things and hopefully talk to Lana before heading home.

 _Maybe she can shed some light on where I went wrong._

Stepping back inside the bar, he paused, noting the few customers scattered around the room. Lana was pouring drinks and Leliana was on stage singing a morose tune that matched his current mood.

Cullen walked up and leaned against the bar.

 _Hey, Lana - when you get a minute..._

She nodded almost imperceptibly tossing him a towel before going back to her current customer.

Cullen wiped the raindrops from his face and hair while he waited for her to finish. Lowering the towel to the bartop, he fidgeted with its frayed edges. Lana's gentle hands eventually appeared to still the trembling evident from his frazzled nerves.

"Will he be all right?" he asked tentatively.

"He will be; he just needs to cool off." She paused, worrying at her bottom lip. "This is _my_ fault, you know. I was the one that asked him to-"

"It doesn't matter how this came to be, Lana. We all lived separate lives before we met." Cullen folded the small towel and handed it back to her. "Could I have done anything different to support him?"

Lana shrugged, "I don't know; he's in a dark place right now. I think he just needs time and to know that we'll be here for him when he's ready. Are _you_ going to be ok?"

Cullen shrugged. "It's a lot to wrap my head around, but my heart is still _his_." He sighed. Pulling out one of his business cards, he flipped it over and wrote his cell phone number on the back. "Will you give me a call or send me a text when you think he's ready to see me again? I don't want to push him if he needs his space. But I… " Cullen choked up on the last words and couldn't get them out.

Lana squeezed his hands comfortingly before pocketing the card in her apron. "I will. He _does_ love you, Cullen. Please remember that."

Cullen nodded and turned to collect his overcoat, giving Leliana a small defeated smile as he left.

* * *

 **Thursday**

[14:00]

Cullen: Are you ok?

[16:00]

Cullen: I'm out of here in an hour. I'd like to see you.

[17:00]

Cullen: Fine. I'll try to give you the space you asked for. Please just know that I love you.

 **Sunday**

[12:00]

Cullen: Thinking about you. You know where to find me… when you're ready.

 **Wednesday**

[10:00]

Cullen: Alistair, it's been a week. Are you ready to talk to me yet?

[10:45]

Cullen: I'll take that as a no.

 **Saturday**

[13:00]

Cullen: Damnit, Alistair, please let me in!

* * *

 **Sunday 05:00**

Cullen knelt before the statue of Andraste, the Chant of Light flowing automatically off his tongue. This vigil was familiar, comforting; a soothing balm to his frayed nerves and fractured heart. He was so deep in his meditation, in his prayers, that he felt cocooned within a soft haze; the outside world barely registering within the safety of the Maker's house.

Slowly, he became aware of a frail hand resting on his shoulder. He looked up-unfocused-still mouthing the words to the never ending litany of the Chant, he took in the vague shape of a chantry Mother.

 _Not a threat then_.

"Is everything all right?" she asked kindly.

He shook his head, then bowed it once again over his clasped hands, the Chant once more flowing audibly from his parched lips.

"You were here when I retired last night, have you been home yet?"

Maintaining his vigil, he shook his head no; his prayer continued unceasing.

"Cullen?... Mr. Rutherford?..." Getting down on her knees, Mother Natalie placed a hand on either side of his face and said sternly, _"Knight-Commander!"_

He looked up suddenly, blinking. "Mother Natalie? Is everything ok?" Clearing the cobwebs from his mind, he wondered how long she'd been trying to get his attention.

"I should ask the same of you. Your behavior is worrying. I haven't seen anyone pray through a fifteen hour vigil in many a long year, and unless I'm mistaken, you're pushing seventeen hours now. Is… Is everything ok? Is Alistair ok?" she asked, worry clear in her eyes.

Cullen shrugged sadly, "I wish I knew. It's been a week and a half since I've seen him. He was upset, said he needed _space_. I'm trying. I really am. The only thing I'm sure of is that he's safe, Lana said she would tell me otherwise." Cullen's thoughts were garbled from sleep deprivation and the calming haze left over from his extended meditation. "Has he come to see you recently?"

She shook her head. "I haven't seen him in over a month, but that's not unusual for him. I learned long ago, that searching him out when he's not ready to be found, is quite futile." She chuckled fondly. "No one could ever beat that boy at hide and seek. But you know, Cullen, I'm not only here for Alistair, I'm here for you as well. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I can't, I'm sorry; this isn't my story to tell. Not really." Cullen sighed. "I would never hurt him intentionally, you know that, right? I only wanted to be there for him, to support him, but he..." Cullen bowed his head again, his vision beginning to blur.

She reached up and smoothed her hand over his shoulder. "The Maker works in strange and wondrous ways, Cullen. You, better than most, know that to be true. We are all led through trials that test our faith. Your faith has never wavered. Have faith in our Alistair now. He's never been one to have a quick temper, but once he gets himself worked up, it can take him longer than most for him to come back down again. It's his cycle. When he's ready, he'll let you in to talk about _whatever_ happened."

He rose stiffly, offering a hand to help up the sweet Mother that just offered him succor. "I will take your words to heart."

"Go home and get some rest, dear. Trust in the Maker to watch over you both."

Cullen turned and lit his candle, then faced Mother Natalie again. "Thank you for… well, for everything I guess."

"You're welcome, son. Now scoot! Go home and get some sleep, you look terrible."

A rough chuckle escaped him. "Yes ma'am," he said as he headed out the door. Looking at his watch, he decided to send Alistair just one more text.

[06:00]

Cullen: I've been doing a poor job of giving you space. I'm sorry. I love you and will be here when you're ready.

* * *

 **Tuesday**

It'd been almost two weeks since he last spoke with Alistair and it was driving Cullen mad with worry. He avoided bar; trying to honor Alistair's wishes for space, but Alistair still hadn't reached out to him: no phone calls, no texts, no… Monday morning roses.

Cullen grew more short tempered at work as the silent treatment wore on. He was doing his best to try to distract himself, but the cases that came up at work were simple and routine-he could do them in his sleep-which left him too much time in his own head.

Taking some of the information he'd gleaned from his last conversation with Alistair, he decided to see what he could dig up regarding the names _Flemeth_ or _Morrigan_. He found only fairy tales and legends-the same shit they used to spew to try to frighten the new recruits in Templar training; absolutely nothing substantial. _Witch of the Wilds_ was a phrase that came up a few times regarding both women, so he made a note and moved on, trying next to research what was going on _publicly_ eleven years ago.

Other than the Massacre at Ostagar, there was nothing in _his_ files, the media files, or public access files stating anything else out of the ordinary. The crime waves were certainly more abundant back then, but the reports were so bloody mundane that he couldn't tell what was real and what was doctored by the Grey Wardens. It left him frustrated, angry, and no closer to helping Alistair than he had been before. He needed more information to go on.

Trying to burn off steam, Cullen added extra days to his workouts at the gym. He'd broken no fewer than five punching bags, three makiwara boards, and may have potentially added a few more holes to the walls at the gym. He knew his demeanor was slipping. He was gradually losing his grip on reality, but he wasn't yet ready to reach out to Dorian for help. If something didn't change soon though, he would definitely need to.

It was nearing the end of his shift and Cullen was particularly short tempered that day. He knew he owed his team an apology-or explanation-but he just couldn't bring himself to admit what was going on; mostly because he wasn't really sure what had happened or what he'd done wrong. Just as he was thinking about leaving a little early to give everyone a break, Rylen came in and closed the door softly behind him.

He approached the desk hesitantly-yet determined-as if he drew the short straw and the rest of the office sent him in to deal with the crazy lion pacing in his gilded cage.

"Can I help you, Lieutenant?" Cullen asked crisply.

"Is there…" Rylen cleared his throat to coax out the next words, "Is there trouble in paradise, Sir?"

Cullen's anger flared and he slammed the report he'd been holding onto the desk, "That is none of your damn business, Lieutenant."

Tamping down his own anger, Rylen bit back quickly, "Normally you would be correct- Sir-but _your_ temper lately has been affecting this office. And the moral of our team _is_ my business!"

Cullen froze, letting the words seep in. Sighing heavily, he glanced at the rose on his desk that had long since dried up. Collapsing back in his chair, he ran his fingers through his hair. "You're right, of course. I'm sorry, Rylen."

"Anything you want to talk about, Sir? You look like you need to get some of, whatever is bothering you, off your chest."

"You don't need to be my therapist, Lieutenant."

"Then let me be your friend, Sir. There's a coffee shop around the corner. It's loud enough to drown out our conversation and not too loud as to deter talking. Unless you want something stronger, there's a bar just down the street-"

Looking up at the ceiling, Cullen relented, "All right, Rylen. No bar though. I suppose it would be nice to get an outside perspective on this. Thank you."

They grabbed their coats and left the office amidst dead silence from the rest of the team.

Rylen led him to a small coffee shop around the corner. As they entered, a petite blonde behind the counter lit up with a smile, "Hey Ry! Want your usual?"

"Yes, please," he responded. "And a plain-black coffee for my… friend."

"I'll bring them right out - find a seat!"

Looking around at the warm atmosphere, Cullen asked, "You uh, come here often?"

"Almost every day after work. Probably for the same reason you frequent a small pub downtown." Rylen looked around the room fondly before his eyes landed on the young woman that greeted them when they came in.

As they found a small table in the corner bracketed by two overstuffed chairs, their cups of coffee were set down in front of them. Sitting on the arm of Rylen's chair, the barista leaned down and kissed him quickly on the cheek.

"Who's your friend, hun?" she asked familiarly.

"Jan, this is my Commander, Cullen Rutherford. Cullen, this is my fiancé, Jan."

Cullen took her hand and shook it warmly. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Rylen is a lucky guy."

Jan blushed. "You are kind to say so. Rylen speaks very highly of you." She grinned, rising from the arm of the chair. "You two just give me a wave if you need a refill, ok?"

Rylan's face lit up at the exchange. Standing when she did, he kissed her chastely with a soft word of thanks.

As she walked off, Cullen watched Rylan's eyes follow her back behind the counter. "I didn't know you were engaged, Rylen."

"Jan and I have been together for over three years now. It was actually your humming about the office that got me thinking it was time to take the next step. I proposed two weeks ago, but haven't been able to find you in an amiable enough mood to tell you, Sir."

"Drop the 'Sir', Rylen. We're out of the office and, as you said yourself, we are here as friends." Cullen managed a small smile. "Congratulations-by the way-I'm happy for you. Do you have a date set yet?"

"Not fully, S- um, no; not yet. Sometime next summer when the weather is nice, but we're not here to talk about me. What's going on? You've been in a piss poor mood these last two weeks; what happened? We were just getting used to you flitting about the office all doe eyed and bringing us donuts. Trust me, that was _weird_."

Cullen chuckled, "I bet it was." He took a sip of coffee to collect his thoughts. His expression turned dour, "I wish I had an easy answer for what's wrong. Alistair and I… damn it, I don't even really understand what's going on."

Rylen set his cup down and leaned forward, tentatively laying his hand on Cullen's bouncing knee to still it. "You don't have to understand, that's what I'm here for. Why don't you tell me the simple facts and we'll go from there?"

Taking a breath, Cullen spared Rylen a grateful, if sheepish, smile. "The basic facts? Well, there's a girl from roughly ten to eleven years ago. They had an… arrangement. She showed up two weeks ago and he's been a wreck ever since."

"It sounds like you're leaving out some pretty important details. Was she an ex?"

"Some of the details aren't mine to tell." Cullen sighed, "though right about now I wouldn't mind the help in trying to figure this out. To answer your question, _no;_ they were never _romantically_ involved, though even that is complicated."

"Isn't it always?" Rylen picked his cup back up and reclined in his chair, waiting for Cullen to continue.

"She wants him to help her with something. Whatever it is has her spooked. If I understand things correctly, she needs information. Which would normally be right up my alley, right?"

Rylen nodded.

"But Alistair won't let me help. He won't let me in. He said that since this is something from his past, he needs to take care of it on his own-it's not my problem to deal with." Trying to quell his frustration, Cullen took a deep breath and chased it with a sip of his coffee.

"Feeling left out?"

Cullen shrugged. "I guess? I don't know. Everything's been going so well until now. He was even able to talk me down after that last bad case we had. Those normally leave me simmering for weeks."

"I remember. If I wasn't convinced that you were made for each other _before_ , I certainly was, after."

Cullen scoffed, "I'm not so sure about that."

"Why do you say that?"

Cullen growled as he slammed his cup down, "He won't let me return the favor! I feel…" He closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths to reign it in, "I don't know, Rylen. I suppose, I feel impuissant. My hands are tied. But, this is what I do, this is what I'm good at. I know I'd be able to help, but he won't let me. Hell, he won't even let me be there for _him_ in this."

"When was the last time you spoke to him?"

"Not since the night she showed up."

"When was that?" Rylen asked, already suspecting the answer.

"Two weeks ago tomorrow." Cullen put his head in his hands, running his fingers through his hair, "Look, I've sent him texts, but he hasn't responded to any of them."

"Why haven't you gone to see him?"

"He said he wanted _space_ -that since this was something he dug himself into, he needed to fix it _by himself_."

"That doesn't sound ominous at all."

"Tell me about it." Cullen sighed. "I've been trying to give him what he asked for as best I can, but it hasn't been easy."

"I can see that. Honestly, the whole office has. What do you think would happen if you just showed up?"

"I don't really know. This whole situation has me completely thrown for a loop. I'm not sure what to do here. I _do_ know that Lana said that she'd let me know if he needed me."

"Lana?"

"His best friend and business partner. You probably would recognize her as my Monday morning delivery girl."

Rylen nodded, "Haven't seen her in a couple weeks."

"I know." Cullen hung his head.

"You still want to call him?"

"With every fiber of my being." He whispered into his cup, "but, he's working at the moment; I don't want to interrupt him during his shift."

"Says the man that used to go several times per week, just to watch him work."

Cullen blushed. "You've met him; he is pretty easy on the eyes."

"If you say so, Sir."

Looking up to reprimand Rylen for calling him 'Sir' again, Cullen caught him smiling. "You're messing with me." He deadpanned.

Rylen shrugged, "Look, it's obvious that you're head over heels for this guy. Go let him know how much he still means to you. Go _fight_ for him. If for no other reason than to give _us_ some sanity back in the office."

Cullen smiled as he set down his empty cup. "Thanks Rylen; I guess I did need someone else to bounce this off of. I've been telling myself the same thing and just kept second guessing it." His phone vibrated. "Excuse me a moment," he said as he retrieved it from his inner coat pocket.

Unfamiliar with the number, Cullen opened the text dialog.

[17:43]

Unknown: She's back. Ali could use you for backup.

Cullen: Lana?

Lana: Yes. You should hurry.

Cullen: Does he _want_ me there?

Lana: He hasn't asked for you specifically, but he's been struggling over it for days.

Lana: He needs you, Cullen, and he's at a point right now where he won't refuse your help.

Lana: Please Come! This is… 'bad' doesn't even begin to cover it.

Cullen: I am on my way.

Returning his phone to his pocket, he looked at Rylen apologetically, "I'm sorry, I really need to go. How much do I owe for my coffee?"

"Just go, she never charges me for coffee anyway."

Cullen offered another small smile. "That sounds familiar." He chuckled before shaking his hand, "Thank you, Rylen."

"Anytime, Sir." Rylen smiled fondly as Cullen bolted out the door.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints.  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!  
 **Lola Auditore/Lola Vega** \- My last minute reader, polisher, and all around supportive cheerleader!

 **I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!**

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3. I am also on Tumblr, come find me!  
Thank you all so much for your support!


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary:**

The reunion.  
I couldn't leave them hanging for too long.  
Let's see how this goes, shall we?

* * *

 **Notes:**

You thought I wasn't going to post this week, didn't you!?  
Well yes, that was the original plan, but I might have felt a little guilty for leaving you hanging last week,  
and this week is kind of a short chapter. So... maybe this will make up for my evilness.

I've also posted a one shot under that thread, for those that want to see Lana's reaction to Alistair being a dumbass. (evil grin)

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 30**

Secrets and Salvation Part 4

* * *

 **Still Tuesday** **[18:30]**

Cullen reached the door to the bar, but before he could grab the handle, it was opened by a panicked, yet grateful looking, Lana.

"Cullen… Kieran's been taken!" she whispered.

His head snapped up at the angry shouting from the stockroom, "Stop being so bloody stubborn and ask your fucking boyfriend to help! Lana says that he's the best, so he should be helping me find him!"

Cullen looked at Lana, a question on his brow. She merely shrugged in return, looking despondent. With a quick hug and a reassuring smile, he whispered, "It'll be ok, hun. I won't let anything happen to him-to any of them."

Alistair sounded tired and frustrated, "I can't ask him to do that Morrigan. Why would he even want to?"

Leliana approached, taking Lana into her arms. "I've got her, Cullen. Perhaps your presence would be better served back there, no? Maybe you can get those two to stop screeching at each other. We've been trying for years, without success."

He nodded sagely, just as Morrigan growled in exasperation, "Because Kieran's your son Alistair, don't you want me to find him?"

Taking a deep breath, Cullen squared his shoulders and ventured toward the tempestuous shouting match.

In an explosive rage, Alistair countered, "You've never let him be my son! You've kept him hidden; you won't let me meet him. Hell, I don't even know what he looks like! How am I supposed to help you when you won't-let-me-in? I understand why you didn't want to burden me with it before, but like it or not, he's mine too, and now he's been taken. He needs us to work together to find him. Set aside your, Maker driven, ego and let me fucking help!"

As Cullen approached, Morrigan's tone turned steely quiet, "This is why we can't work together Alistair. We don't get along; we never have. I need his help. If you won't ask him for it, will you please give me his number so I can do it myself?"

"Morrigan, this isn't his burden to bear." Alistair paused with his back to her, trying to calm down. It'd been almost two full weeks since he'd last seen Cullen. He couldn't imagine why he would want to help, especially after pushing him away. Just when he was about to say as much, Cullen stepped around the corner.

"Why don't you let me decide which cases I take and don't take." His steady voice was a soothing balm, cutting through the tension in the room in an instant.

Alistair's breath hitched when he turned and locked eyes with Cullen.

There was only a moment of hesitation before Cullen began to slowly walk in his direction, completely ignoring Morrigan. With each step, Alistair felt all of the fear and trepidation he'd been holding onto, ease away. After the way he treated Cullen, he was here. For him. For them. Dipping his head in shame, he choked out half-heartedly, "Cullen, you don't have to."

Cullen placed a finger under Alistair's chin and raised it so their eyes could meet.

I love this man so much! Maker, how I missed him.

Placing a chaste kiss to Alistair's lips, Cullen pulled him to his chest. Holding him tight, he breathed a gentle whisper into his ear, "I want to. Please… let me help."

Alistair whispered, "Why?"

"Because I love you, and if you have a son, that makes him my family too." Cullen brushed a gentle kiss on Alistair's brow, taking in all the sadness and exhaustion written there.

Sagging with relief, Alistair returned the embrace and whispered into his neck, "I am… so sorry."

"I am too. We can do this together, ok?" Cullen kissed him again as Alistair nodded his agreement. Looking deep into his eyes, Cullen ventured a small smile of reassurance. He echoed the words that Alistair issued to him once before, "You don't have to face things alone anymore."

Alistair returned a tight lipped smile. "Ok," was all he said before they both turned to face Morrigan.

She was watching Alistair with a strange expression on her face.

Keeping one arm firmly around Alistair, Cullen extended his other, "You must be Morrigan," They shook hands briefly. "I'm Cullen. Why don't you tell me what happened?"

Morrigan said simply, "Kieran is missing."

Cullen nodded, "Lana said as much when I came in. Tell me about when you last saw him."

He was all business now, asking questions and gathering basic information. "Do you have a picture I can work with to help identify him? Something recent?"

Morrigan reached into her purse and pulled out her wallet, which held a picture of her son.

Taking the photograph, he asked, "May I keep this?"

She hesitated briefly before relinquishing the photo. Cullen pocketed it, then handed her his business card. "Thank you; I will see what I can dig up tonight with the information you've given me. I would like to continue this conversation tomorrow. Can you come to my office at ten a.m.?"

She bowed her head briefly and answered stiffly, "If it will aid in finding my son, I will be wherever it is you require me to be."

"I will see you in the morning, then. I need to speak to Alistair alone now, if you'll please excuse us."

Nodding once at her dismissal, she headed back into the main room.

Cullen turned toward Alistair and embraced him. "Maker's breath, but I've missed you!"

They clung to each other tightly for a few moments, before Alistair chuckled uncomfortably.

Cullen raised an eyebrow. "What's so funny?"

"M-Morrigan" Alistair stammered conspiratorially, "I've never seen anyone dismiss her like that… and she actually obeyed ! She would have turned me into a frog for talking to her like that-Zap! Frog time!"

Joining in on the quiet laughter, Cullen couldn't help but bring their lips together again. It'd been too long.

Moaning softly into the kiss, Alistair pulled back and looked lovingly into Cullen's eyes. "You are something else, you know that?"

"Is that a good something? Or a bad something?"

"At the moment, you are my knight in shining armor, so I'd say that's a very good something." Alistair laid his head on Cullen's shoulder with a sigh. "How did you know I needed you so much right now?"

"Lana sent me a text."

"Of course she did."

"I wanted to come sooner, but you said… you said you wanted space and I-I'm so sorry, Alistair, I should have been here for you."

"Well, it's not like I made it easy for you. And, you're here now; that's what matters. I'm sorry for pushing you away, you were being so understanding and I just didn't think I deserved that."

Cullen cupped Alistair's face in his hands and whispered softly, "I love you, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. Whether we deserve each other or not is another matter entirely." He leaned in and kissed Alistair softly on the corner of his mouth before pulling away with a wink, tugging him towards the loft, "C'mon, let's go somewhere where we can talk more privately."

"Does it matter? Lana can hear us no matter what."

Cullen smirked, looking over his shoulder. "Do you trust me?"

Alistair nodded and followed Cullen up the stairs, drawing strength from the fingers interlaced with his own. He was so tired-tired of fighting, tired of being alone. He knew that he was finally ready to let Cullen help. The feeling of emptiness that had consumed him the last couple weeks was too much. He tried to justify it; wanted to believe that Cullen wouldn't want him after learning his secret.

I should have known better.

Wanting to help Cullen during one of his rough patches, Alistair told him that they were stronger together, that he would be there for him, should he ever need it, and that he didn't need to face his demons alone ever again. But when it was his own past, his own demons come to haunt him, the first thing he did, was push Cullen away. He may not believe that he deserved Cullen's forgiveness or acceptance, but he wasn't going to fight it any longer. It wasn't fair to either one of them. Whatever Cullen wanted or needed from him, he would gratefully give it.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints.  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!  
 **Lola Auditore/Lola Vega** \- My last minute reader, polisher, and all around supportive cheerleader!

I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!

* * *

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3. I am Aurlyn on Tumblr, come find me!  
Thank you all so much for your support!


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary:**

The conversation: some decisions are made and more information shared.  
We find out why Cullen asks Alistair if he trusts him. ;)  
And just some random fluff to continue the story along.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Some more lore in this one.  
Also, due to Alistair Appreciation Week, I will be posting Chapter 32 in two weeks (not next Sunday). I've written three new Alistairstories for this event and have re-edited a couple of my old favorites. Subscribe to me here or as Aurlyn on tumblr if you would like to get updates on those!

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 31**

Secrets and Salvation Part 5

* * *

They paused in the foyer to remove their shoes before heading over to the sofa. Ready to accept whatever it was Cullen wanted to talk to him about, Alistair sat quietly, staring down at his hands.

Sitting next to Alistair, Cullen pulled an object out of his pocket and snapped a quick picture of it with his phone. Smiling smugly, he held the photograph of Kieran out for Alistair.

Looking up in surprise, Alistair's hand shook as he reached for the picture of his son. "Cullen, you... could have done that with Morrigan and given it back to her." A question on his tongue as to why he didn't.

Cullen's smile softened, "I could have… but then, I wouldn't have been able to give it to you, now would I?"

Choking back a sob, Alistair managed a quiet, "Thank you…" as he stared at his son's face for the very first time. Letting his tears silently fall, he took in his appearance: black hair, like his mother's, light brown eyes-or were they light grey-It was hard to tell from the picture-and pale skin dotted with freckles. He looked serious, but with a childlike gleam in his eyes that sparkled with intelligence and… something else.

"He looks like her," Alistair managed after a while.

Wrapping one arm around his shoulders, Cullen pointed out, "He looks like you too. I can see you in the way he quirks his mouth, the point of his nose, and that mischievous little glint in his eye." He kissed Alistair's temple affectionately.

Looking humbled, Alistair said, "You didn't have to do this you know."

"I wanted to. I believe that you should be able to know your son. I've seen no evidence to suggest that you would be anything less than an amazing father. Therefore, no reason for her to keep him from you." Cullen said vehemently, before addressing the picture itself, "Besides, we may need a tangible link to track him before this is over. A photograph or personal item works best. If it's not within Lana or Morrigan's abilities, I can always bring Dorian in to track him-with your permission of course-he's done it for me in the past."

"I'd have to ask Lana, but if it were in Morrigan's repertoire, don't you think she'd be out there tracking him herself?"

"Most likely." He conceded, "Though her skills may be dampened by her emotions here." Cullen nibbled on his bottom lip while he pondered what his next step would be.

"It's possible, I suppose. And no, I don't mind you bringing in Dorian if you think it will help. I just want to find him." Alistair bowed his head frowning as he let his mind wander.

I want to meet him, find out who he is, what he likes, hold him. Will he let me hug him? Will he scoff and turn me away? He's only ten, surely that's not old enough for her to have completely turned him against me. I want to be the father to him that I never had. Please Maker, let me get the chance to make it all up to him! Let us find him and bring him home safe!

Cullen interrupted Alistair's dark thoughts, "Lana was able to locate me with little more than my name and occupation, do you think she'll be able to help?"

Alistair's phone chimed in his pocket:

 **[19:45]**

 **Lana:** Stop with the negative, Ali. We will find him and he will be all right. Tell Cullen that I'm not sure how much I'll be able to help with tracking, though. I cannot use a personal object to find him; my method is… less precise.

 **Lana:** When I was searching for him, I stood outside two other precincts before I 'heard' him inside the one by the Chantry. I'm sorry hun, maybe bringing Dorian in would be better?

Sighing, Alistair showed Cullen the messages from Lana.

"Well that was… timely." Cullen chuckled, then addressed the room at large. "Thanks Lana."

 **[19:48]**

 **Lana:** Anytime! Let me know what I can do to help. Take your time up there, Leli and I have this just fine for now. You can come down when you two have gotten… re-acquainted ;)

 **Alistair:** lol - thanks Lana. I owe ya… again.

 **Lana:** No worries, Hun. There are only a few regulars here anyway.

 **Lana:** And Alistair… try not to freak out and push Cullen away again. He loves you. We all do, and we only want to help. We've got this… we'll find him… together. We have faced far worse with less to go on.

 **Alistair:** Thanks, Luv. What would I ever do without you?

 **Lana:** You'd be miserable.

 **Alistair:** Yeah… yeah, I would.

Alistair set his phone down and turned toward Cullen, sighing heavily, "I'm glad that you're here. These last two weeks have been awful without you, I've been a complete wreck, I never should have-"

"Shhh," Cullen wrapped his arms around Alistair and pulled him in. "I'm here now. We'll find him, I promise you."

"So… what happens next?" Alistair looked down at the picture in his hands, his shoulders drooping.

"Tonight, I'm going to head on over to the library, since that was the last place Kieran was accounted for. I need to check out the floor he was studying on as well as the grounds outside to see if maybe there's some hint as to where he might have gone.

"Doesn't it close at nine?" Alistair's eyes never left the image of Kieran in his hand.

Cullen nodded, checking his watch, "I can always go back to check out the inside during operating hours, if I don't make it there before closing. I want to at least look around to get a feel for what might have happened. Once I'm done there, I'll go to the office to get a head start on things before I meet with Morrigan in the morning."

Finally tearing his gaze from the photo, Alistair looked up, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, "Can I be there when you meet with her?"

"No, my love. I'm sorry." Cullen ran his fingers through Alistair's hair, "Don't look at me that way. I promise to fill you in after. There is major dissention between you two that will just get in the way were I to question her with you present."

Alistair nodded in understanding. He may not like it, but what Cullen said was true. Feeling the weight of everything on his shoulders, Alistair collapsed into Cullen's embrace. Exhaustion, fear, and frustration, all expressed in the sobs wracking his body. Cullen just held him tight, soothing as best he could.

When he pulled himself together again, Alistair admitted tearfully, "Maker, I'm such a mess. I have never even met this little piece of me and I feel like he's been ripped from my heart. I feel so… helpless."

"I know, love, but you are far from helpless. We'll find him. I promise you." Wiping the tears from his cheeks, Cullen pulled Alistair back into his arms.

"Thank you." Alistair breathed as he clung to Cullen.

"For?"

"For coming tonight, for loving me-despite me treating you so badly-for understanding, and for… just being you. I have missed you so damn much."

"I've missed you too. More than I can say, though I'm sure Rylen would be happy to tell you about how 'cranky' I've been lately without you." Cullen chuckled, "It's going to cost me at least two weeks' worth of donuts just to make up for it."

Alistair sniggered, "Lana probably wouldn't say anything, but I'm sure Leliana would be happy to share stories of my, how did she put it? 'Waspishness' lately as well."

Eyes landing on Alistair's lips, Cullen's fingers caressed his splotchy cheeks, "Or perhaps, we could just skip past the reminiscing part and move forward." He leaned in and tasted the lips he'd been dreaming about, craving. "Mmm, I have missed your kisses, holding you, waking in your arms. I've missed-you." Each declaration punctuated by ever deepening kisses.

Foreheads resting together, sitting in silence, they held each other close, neither wanting to let go. After a while, Cullen extracted himself from Alistair's arms with a sigh, "I would love nothing more than to crawl into bed and fall asleep in your arms right now, but I believe you need to get back to work and I should go start looking for your son."

Alistair was torn, he wanted to find Kieran, but now that he had Cullen back in his arms, he really didn't want to let him go. "Can I come see you after I get off tonight? I don't really want to sleep alone."

"You can come see me anytime you want to, my love."

"Except tomorrow at ten a.m.?"

Cullen laughed, "Except then."

"Will you still be at the office when I get off work?" Alistair asked.

"Most likely. I'll see if Rylen will come in so I can bounce some ideas off him."

"Are you sure that's… wise? We're likely to encounter some things that will be pretty hard to explain. Morrigan for one, she's never really been one to 'hide' her use of magic."

Cullen paused for a moment as if he was mulling something over, "Rylen and I have always made a good team. He is exceptional at what he does. Just having him there, even if he doesn't see exactly what it is he's trying to find, he's able to express it enough that I can usually see past the veil to unearth whatever it is we're searching for." Cullen sighed heavily. "In truth, though, I fear that he is close to awakening on his own."

"He's kind of old to be gaining his sight naturally, isn't he?"

"It's not common, but has been known to happen. I wouldn't want him to have to go through that without someone there to ease the transition."

"Wouldn't it be easier to just… wake him yourself? That is something Templars do isn't it?" Alistair offered.

Cullen nodded, "Usually it happens during adolescence, when our minds are still malleable to the world around us. Being older, convincing Rylen of the truth might be more difficult without fracturing his mind. I've thought about it, though, but I don't know if I want to do that to him. He's getting married next summer and has his whole life ahead of him. I'd hate to darken it by making him see the things that we see."

"How did your sight get awakened? If you don't mind my asking. I've been able to 'see' for as long as I can remember, but I'm not sure if that's because my mother was a Warden, a mage, an elf, or some combination of the three. I'm told that the sight is usually awakened by coming into contact with the 'other' side; usually some traumatic event, so I'll understand if you aren't yet comfortable discussing it." Alistair looked down at his feet unsure how to proceed, he'd wondered in the past, but never found the opportunity to ask and now wasn't so sure he should have.

Smiling reassuringly, Cullen sat back on the sofa, pulling Alistair with him. "Being awakened was part of my training. A prayer to the Maker and a touch of holy energy right here," he placed his fingertip in the center of Alistair's forehead. "Those whose inner eye was opened, got special training in addition to their regular lessons. Those that didn't pass, never knew that there was anything different. To them, it was just another blessing the chantry bestowed on us. The idea was that if you could bear witness to magic, you could counter it. If you couldn't, then why waste the time on it?"

"I see, and the extra training had to do with the orbs we spoke of before?"

"That was part of it, yes. There was certainly more to it and more research as well. Enough to make my eyes glaze over and for me to start wishing to see darkspawn creeping out of the walls just so I could get out of class." He chuckled ruefully. "I can't imagine being a child with this ability, I have nightmares enough now. How did you endure it?"

"I wasn't alone." Alistair shrugged, "I always felt safe in the Chantry. Maybe it was just Mother Natalie, I dunno. She was always there to talk me through my nightmares, to help me understand both sides of the veil. Even though I knew of the horrors out there, I always felt like, as long as I was with her, I was safe."

Alistair and Cullen bantered for another half an hour, just holding each other close and reconnecting after a so long apart. As their conversation died down, they both sighed heavily, knowing that they both had jobs to do.

"I suppose; I should be heading out. I need to contact Rylen and Dorian then head over to the library to see what I can find."

Alistair nodded his agreement, "I should probably go give the girls a hand anyway. I'll see you at your office after I close this place down for the night."

Cullen took Alistair's face in his hands and kissed him, pouring all of the love he felt for him into the action. "I look forward to it."

Reluctantly pulling away from their embrace, Cullen stole one last kiss before they began their descent down the stairs, towards the main room of the pub.

Alistair took his place behind the counter as Cullen headed for the door. Before he could reach it, he heard Lana call out, "Cullen?"

He turned and was surprised to find her wrapping her arms around his waist and laying her head on his chest. He hugged her back gently and asked, "What this for?"

"For being here for him. For wanting to help. I'm… sorry I didn't call sooner."

Cullen smiled at Lana, "I'm not sure either one of us would have been ready before tonight. You know him better than anyone though, so I will always trust your judgement."

"Thank you."

"Anytime." He looked up to find Leliana with a bemused expression on her face before bidding them both farewell and heading out the door.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints.  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!  
 **Lola Auditore/Lola Vega** \- My last minute reader, polisher, and all around supportive cheerleader!

I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3. I am Aurlyn on Tumblr, come find me!  
Thank you all so much for your support!


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary:**

Cullen's on the case and calls in reinforcements.  
We end with some well earned fluff and cuddle time.

* * *

 **Notes:**

A day late, but most of my other writing deadlines are now in the past, so I can bring my focus back to this little labor of love. Thank you for your patience and your support! I've had so much fun branching out and writing like a madwoman these last few weeks, but I missed my boys. They're home for me.  
So come on in, grab a seat and a beverage of your choice, and settle in.  
We've got some investigating to do!

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 32**

Secrets and Salvation Part 6

* * *

After leaving Alistair's, Cullen headed over to the library to see what he could see. Before getting out of his Jeep, he sent Rylen a text.

 **[21:15]**

Cullen: On a new case; heading back to the office and could use your help. If you are otherwise occupied, be prepared to jump in first thing in the morning.

Rylen: I can be there after Jan goes to sleep. Need anything?

Cullen: I need to find Alistair's son.

Rylen: Sir?

Cullen: I will explain later. We are meeting with the Mother in the morning at ten a.m.

Rylen: How's Alistair?

Cullen: He's been better, he's coming by to pick me up after he closes the pub for the night. ;)

Rylen: Did you just send me a winky face?

Cullen: No… that must have been my auto correct.

Rylen: Right. So not an all-nighter then?

Cullen: Not if I can help it.

Rylen: Glad to have you back, Sir. See you in a bit.

Switching over to Dorian, Cullen sent:

 **[11:19]**

Cullen: I need a favor.

Dorian: Anything for you, Amatus.

Cullen: How soon can you get to Denerim? I need you to track someone for me.

Dorian: Tracking? Really? You interrupted my amorous adventures with Bull for tracking?

Cullen: Alistair's son has been taken… You are the only one I know who can help.

Dorian: Kaffas! He has a son? Of course, Amatus, I will be on the first train out of here. Should make it to your office by noon tomorrow.

Cullen: Thank you Dorian. I owe you one. This is… big.

Dorian: How are you holding up? Any… issues?

Cullen: No, I'm… holding up so far. This case may push my limits though; will be nice to have you handy… just in case.

Dorian: I'll always be there when you need me. Should I bring Bull?

Cullen: Come prepared, but I think we can handle it without Bull if he can't get away.

Dorian: Armor, weapons, my rapier wit, and debonair charm? What are we up against here?

Cullen: Do you know anything about the Witch of the Wilds?

Dorian: … Fuck!... Really? You don't do anything small, do you?

Cullen: It keeps life interesting for you. If you have any information on her, bring that too. I've been coming up empty handed with my database.

Dorian: There's a tome or two around here somewhere, I'll bring what I have. Hang in there, Cullen. I expect a full report tomorrow.

Dorian: Alistair has a son and is somehow connected to the most powerful witch ever… This should be fun. :P

Cullen: Thanks again, Dorian.

* * *

Cullen mentally prepared himself for what he might find. The lights of the library were off and the doors were locked tight, but the grounds were ungated which would allow for a preliminary perimeter check. That would have to do for tonight.

Grabbing his flashlight from the glovebox and making sure his gun was free in its holster for easy drawing, Cullen began his search around the outside of the building. He checked the walkway around, the shrubs and even looked into the dark windows themselves, looking for anything out of the ordinary.

As he reached the south side of the building, Cullen noticed curtains fluttering in the breeze in a second story window that was left open. He shined his light at the darkened window and noticed something glinting back at him.

He hoisted himself up onto the first story window ledge to try to get a closer look and noticed that the reflective object seemed to be an amulet of some sort.

It can't be a coincidence that the only open window has something dangling from it. Though it's not usually this easy for me either.

Marking the location of the necklace and taking a picture for reference with his phone, he once again pocketed his device to try to figure out how to reach it.

Placing his flashlight in his mouth, Cullen found hand and toe holds in the mortar of the bricks allowing him to scale the wall to the second story ledge. Pulling himself up to safety he sat for a moment and inspected the device.

It was tarnished brass, the back rubbed smooth by worrying fingers; the front boasted a relief of a majestic dragon, poised to take flight: wings spread wide, head thrown back in a fearsome roar. It hummed with a magical energy but remained fastened securely even after Cullen drained it of its powers.

Taking another picture for reference, Cullen picked it up with his kerchief and placed it into his pocket until he could seal it in a baggie to take back to the precinct with him.

I will ask Morrigan in the morning if this looks familiar.

Cullen looked through the open window to note the location so that he could come back to look around after their meeting. Not noticing anything else unusual, Cullen shimmied back down the wall, then headed back to his Jeep.

* * *

Cullen already spent an hour digitally mapping out what he already knew on the link-chart on the computer when Rylen entered the office.

He handed Cullen a cup of coffee. "So… Alistair has a kid?"

Taking a grateful sip, Cullen replied, "It appears so."

"And, you're ok with this?"

Cullen shrugged. "Alistair having a son doesn't bother me. It is what it is and doesn't change anything between us. He's always been great with my niece and nephews." Cullen chuckled to himself remembering their antics on the beach. "Hell, he's practically a kid at heart himself."

He took a deep breath, settling himself into 'Commander' mode. "Now that you'll be helping me with this case, I can fill you in on what I couldn't earlier at the coffee shop."

And he did. Tapping a few keys on his computer, Cullen projected the chart he'd been working on onto the whiteboard in his office. As he went over the details on the interactive projection, Cullen told Rylen everything that he could, leaving out the sordid details surrounding their other life, letting his Lieutenant make his own assumptions about the one time hook-up resulting in Kieran.

They kept much of the discussion to the facts on hand: where he was last seen, that Morrigan suspected her mother of taking him and not knowing where in Thedas she might have him hidden. Over the next couple hours, they discussed what questions they still needed to ask Morrigan as well as lay plans for investigating the Library. They also discussed their options for where they might be able to do more research on who Morrigan's mother actually was. Cullen told Rylen that he called in Dorian to help; his background in psychology had come in handy in the past as a convenient cover for helping to analyze cases.

Time passed quickly and before they knew it, Alistair trudged through the door at half past two in the morning.

Rylen looked over Alistair's ragged appearance. He was surprised by how exhausted and drained he looked; his enigmatic smile replaced by a feeble one laced with anxiety.

Cullen looked at his Lieutenant. "That's all for tonight, Rylen. I appreciate you coming in to help me with this. We'll pick it up again in the morning."

Rylen nodded his head but directed his next statement towards Alistair. "Don't worry, Mr. Theirin, you've got the best working on your case. We'll find your son, I promise you."

Alistair managed a genuine, if exhausted, smile. "Thank you Rylen." Then said to Cullen, "Are you ready?"

"I am. You look like you could sleep for a week."

"You don't look much better."

"That's funny, I feel better than I have in a while. Maybe it's because I finally have something to focus on." Wrapping his arms around Alistair, he whispered in his ear, "Maybe, it's just that I feel complete again now that you're here."

Kissing his forehead, he said louder, "Let's get you home."

Cullen grabbed his coat and wrapped an arm around Alistair before turning to leave. He noticed that Rylen had yet to move from his spot studying the projection. "You're not leaving?"

"Not yet." Rylen tilted his head to the side while staring at their notes. "There is something… something here that I just can't quite put my finger on. I can almost… I feel like I'll see it if I don't look at it directly. I know it sounds silly, but I want to sit here with this for a bit longer. You two go ahead, I'll be fine."

Cullen looked at Alistair who was staring at Rylen in contemplation. Catching each other's eyes, they nodded with the same realization.

Rylen was close to being able to 'see' on his own.

Guiding Alistair out the door, Cullen took a deep breath before whispering, "I will talk with him tomorrow and give him the choice. If he wants to know, I will help him. If he doesn't, we'll leave it alone."

Alistair nodded, "Opening his sight will only be the first step."

"I know. Being able to see the big bad is one thing, I wouldn't leave him unprotected from being able to fight it too."

"If it comes to that… I want to help."

Cullen nodded, tightening the arm draped over Alistair's shoulder and kissing his temple, "There's no one else I would rather have by my side for this."

They walked the rest of the way to Cullen's apartment in silence. Arms wrapped securely around one another. Always touching, always connected, taking comfort in each other's presence.

Alistair was so exhausted; he didn't look like he was going to make it up the stairs. Cullen opted to take the elevator instead, holding Alistair's swaying form in his arms the whole way up.

Opening the door to the apartment, Cullen went through his routine of removing various items from his pockets and hanging up his coat. Reaching up to unfasten his shoulder holster, he noticed that Alistair hadn't moved from the entryway. He was leaning up against the door, watching Cullen with a smirk on his face.

Returning the odd smile, Cullen approached and pulled Alistair into his arms. "What is it, love? If I didn't know better, I'd say you looked like you were about to devour me."

"Mmm I'd really like to, but you're right, I'm much too exhausted for that. Doesn't mean that I can't enjoy the show though."

Placing a chaste kiss on Alistair's lips, Cullen whispered, "Let's get you into bed, sweetheart. You look about ready to fall over. We'll have plenty of time to play later. Tonight, I just want to hold you and feel your skin next to mine."

"I like the sound of that. I've missed you so much, I wish I had more energy for a proper reunion."

Cullen kissed him tenderly, "You've had a rough couple of weeks-we both have-I'm just happy to have you here with me again."

They made it to the bathroom to brush their teeth, then back to the bedroom to strip down to nothing before climbing into bed. Alistair curled his body up next to Cullen's, grabbed his arms and wrapped them tightly around himself; Cullen's hands curled firmly to Alistair's chest.

Cullen chuckled, "I love it when you're so demanding."

"Shut up and hold me, I missed being your little spoon ." Alistair chuckled tiredly. "Thank you for being here, Cullen. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Cullen wrapped himself around Alistair's body as much as he could; chest to back, arms wrapped securely around Alistair. "I'm here, I will always be here for you. We both fight so hard to keep others safe, I think it's hard for us to admit that it's ok to need help ourselves."

Alistair nodded, enjoying the feeling of Cullen's fingers in his hair. "Sometimes I think you're too good to be true; certainly too good for likes of this wayward Warden and all his problems."

"Oh, Alistair. I love you more than I ever thought possible. That includes your past. We both have history, we both have baggage, but I think what we have together is worth working through it. It may take time, but I'm willing… if you are."

Alistair nuzzled closer into Cullen's chest, nodding his head in agreement, "I'm willing... and I love you too."

Cullen kissed Alistair's cheek softly before laying his head down on their shared pillow. "Sleep well, my sweet man. We will do our best to solve the world's problems when we wake up."

* * *

 **End Notes:**

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints.  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!  
 **Lola Auditore/Lola Vega** \- My last minute reader, polisher, and all around supportive cheerleader!

I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3. I am Aurlyn on Tumblr, come find me!  
Thank you all so much for your support!


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary:**

Alistair wakes up alone and tries to pass the time until he can meet with Cullen.

* * *

 **Notes:**

No real warnings on this one.

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!  
**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 33**

Secrets and Salvation Part 7

* * *

 **Wednesday Morning**

Alistair woke up a little after ten, to an empty bed. He stretched, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, surrounded by the smell of Cullen on the sheets. Rolling over, he wrapped his arms around Cullen's pillow, burying his face in the comforting scent. He lay there for a few moments more; imagining arms still wrapped securely around him, unsure if he deserved such an amazing man, but done arguing it anymore. If Cullen still wanted to be with him, even after all that'd happened, who was he to fight it? Deciding to finally quit whining about what should be, he opted to actually let go and just enjoy what was being offered.

Content with his new outlook on life, Alistair stretched once more, then looked up to start his day. The first thing he noticed was a red rose laying on the nightstand waiting for him. It was not unlike the ones he sent weekly to adorn Cullen's desk. With a sigh, he realized that it'd been a couple of weeks since his last delivery.

I need to remedy that soon, before the spell fades completely.

Refusing to dwell on it, Alistair perked up when he noticed that the rose was accompanied by a few other items. Under the rose was a note, next to them sat a large cup of coffee, and a small paper bag that held something heavenly smelling inside. Taking a quick peek, Alistair nearly squealed with glee when he found a toasted bagel hiding inside with so much cream cheese in it that it was oozing out all sides.

Sweet Maker, I love that man for knowing how to make me smile first thing in the morning.

Taking a sip of the coffee, Alistair grimaced at the tepid temperature. "Well, what did you expect? He had to be at work at a quarter to eight and your lazy bones slept until after ten." Grabbing a pair of shorts out of Cullen's drawer, Alistair slipped them on. Once he was decent, he scooped up his gifts and ventured out to the kitchen to warm up his coffee and enjoy his breakfast.

Finally sitting down at the small table, Alistair licked the excess cream cheese from around the outside of his bagel while he read his note:

* * *

 _Good morning, my love,_

 _Thank you for last night. Waking up in your arms again was definitely good for my soul._

 _I'm glad you joined me after work, I know we were both exhausted, but there's no place that I'd rather be when things are tough, than with you. Thank you for letting me in and-most of all-thank you for allowing me to help you find Kieran._

 _I know the circumstances aren't ideal and that this was almost as much of a surprise to you as it was to me. But that doesn't mean that we can't make this work; that we can't make this beautiful. What we have is worth it. I just want you to know that I'm willing; I am here for you, no matter what you need. Things are hard right now, but I promise, they will get better._

 _If you come by my office today around noon, I'll take you to lunch and we can go over the meeting with Morrigan. Dorian is scheduled to come in around the same time, so if you're ok with him joining us, we can all get on the same page before we split up and get down to it._

 _Enjoy your morning and enjoy the breakfast I left you; extra cream cheese, just the way you like it._

 _Love always,_

 _Cullen_

* * *

Finishing his breakfast, Alistair cleaned up after himself then took a shower. He let the hot water wash over his body, cleansing him of all doubt and negativity. Moping wasn't going to get Kieran back. Cullen offered to lead the search for his son and he was going to let him. ' Together' he said, and Alistair liked the sound of that.

It was only eleven o'clock by the time he finished tidying up after his brief stay. He knew he couldn't sit around for the next hour twiddling his thumbs, so he grabbed his bag and left, locking up the apartment behind him. Dropping his things by his car, Alistair headed for the only other sanctuary that he'd ever known.

Entering the Chantry, Alistair inquired as to the whereabouts of Mother Natalie and was directed out into the private garden. She was sitting on a bench in the sun, knitting a pair of socks. She looked up and smiled as he approached. Seeing her like that, he remembering days long gone. Wanting a little of that comfort back, he sat at her feet like he used to do as a child. Laying his head on her lap, he wrapped his arms around her lower legs and closed his eyes.

Setting aside her knitting, Mother Natalie ran her fingers through his hair. "You used to do this when you had bad days. You'd always come to me for comfort, but never asked for anything beyond this. I could always tell when you were upset though."

"Why's that?" He asked quietly.

Still petting his hair, she replied, "Because you were quiet, dear. The only time you were ever quiet was when you were hurting."

"I guess some things never change. I actually came here to ask for prayers and blessings, but seeing you sitting there like when I was a boy, I just couldn't help myself."

"Would you like to tell me what's troubling you? Or would you just like me to sit here and run my fingers through your hair?"

"This is nice… I like this." Alistair rubbed his face against the familiar feel of her robes.

Natalie chuckled affectionately. "Cullen was here last weekend. Are you two… okay?"

He nodded briefly. "I suppose he would come here seeking answers."

"I think he was here seeking solace . He was praying when I went to sleep and hadn't moved by the time I woke up. He was worried for you, you know."

Taking a deep breath, Alistair admitted, "I… wasn't very nice to him. But things are… better now. We talked finally and I think... we're going to be okay."

"Is there anything I can help with?"

Alistair shook his head. "I want you to know-that is-I found out recently that I have a son. He's ten years old and his name is Kieran. So, I guess that sort of makes you his grand-Mother."

Natalie chuckled softly. "I suppose congratulations are in order. Or is that what has your heart hurting? How is your Knight-Commander taking the news?"

Alistair answered the last question first, "He's fine, better than I deserve actually, but still, we're good. Having a son isn't what's bothering me. I haven't even met him yet, but I hope to-soon. We need to find him first. My heart hurts… because he was kidnapped from the Denerim library yesterday."

Natalie gasped at the revelation and paused her hand in his hair. "Oh, Alistair, I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"Actually, I think you're doing it." He hugged her legs a little tighter before relaxing his grip again with a sigh. "Two weeks ago, I didn't even know that he existed and now… I'm a father and I've got to find him. Nothing else matters to me."

"If you're supposed to be searching for him, why are you here? Not that you're not welcome, child; I will be here for you as long as the Maker wills it. But, being still has never been your strong suit, you were always the first into action; the first to defend."

"I'm waiting for Cullen, actually. He's meeting with Kieran's mother this morning and I'm… not allowed to show up until noon." Alistair sighed heavily. "And you're right, I couldn't just sit around the apartment, I'd be pacing like a caged lion."

"So you came to see me? I'm touched." She teased affectionately.

A thought occurred to him as he looked up at Natalie, "Would you… like to see a picture of him?"

Alistair stood and reached into his wallet for the picture of Kieran. Sitting down on the bench next to her, they talked about the similarities and differences between this young man in the photo and when Alistair was ten years old. They spoke quietly for the next twenty minutes, about everything and nothing in particular. It was enough. It was exactly what he needed.

After offering up her prayers and the Maker's blessing, Natalie bid him farewell and good luck. He thanked her and with a heartfelt hug, then headed out for Cullen's office.

* * *

 **A/N -** I hope you'll forgive the short chapter; it was a busy holiday week and I'm working on getting back up to speed, but I was able to put out a quick Harvestmere one-shot to go with this weeks mini-chapter. If you're interested, you can find more of Alistair's kitchen shenanigans within my Cocktails and Cheese One-Shots!

Please keep in mind that it does not take place in the current timeline (poor form having such a lighthearted family gathering when Alistair is currently searching for his son). Think of it as... next year's holiday feast!

* * *

 **End Notes:**

There are several dear souls to whom I want to give special love for helping me along my path:  
 **The Keystrokes** \- My muses and sources of inspiration during my daily writing sprints.  
 **Connie Flint** \- My first guide and conscience. Before I knew I wanted to post my stories, you were there to encourage me!  
 **Ponticle** \- My own personal trainer-keeping me on task and helping me improve my form every step of the way!  
 **Lola Auditore/Lola Vega** \- My last minute reader, polisher, and all around supportive cheerleader!

I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3. I am Aurlyn on Tumblr, come find me!  
Thank you all so much for your support!


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary:**

Cullen's morning.  
Lost of lore in this chapter.  
Rylen's awakening.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 34**

Secrets and Salvation Part 8

* * *

 **Wednesday Morning / Cullen**

The first thing Cullen noticed as he entered the precinct with his arms full of donuts, was that everyone was looking at him like he was a ticking time bomb. There was a cautiousness to their hushed conversations, and everyone seemed to be giving him a wide berth.

Have I really been that bad lately? I can't let this go on.

Clearing his throat, he set the large box on the reception desk. "All right guys, I'd like your attention please."

The guarded officers gathered around while Cullen rubbed nervously at the back of his neck. "Look, you guys put up with a lot of shit from a lot of people. The last person you need to be walking on eggshells around-is me." Cullen smiled meekly. "I owe you all an apology for how I've been behaving the last couple of weeks."

Josie piped up, "Is that why we get donuts, Sir?"

"Yes, actually, it is. My behavior lately has been deplorable; it was unworthy of me to take my personal issues out on you. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry."

Jim reached in and grabbed a bear claw out of the box with a wink. "So, I guess you and lover-boy kissed and made up, huh?"

"Shut-up, Jim." Toni smacked him in the back of the head before grabbing the box. "It's none of our business. The boss is making amends; that takes balls man. Leave him alone."

Chuckling, Cullen looked up at Toni, chewing through a grin. "Thanks Toni, you got a little something on your..."

Wiping the jelly from her chin, she licked the goo from her fingers one-by-one. "Anytime, boss!"

Kelvin looked disgusted. "Use a napkin, Toni. That's repulsive! Don't Qunari know what proper table manners are?"

"Oh, I know what table manners are, but… I don't actually see a table around here. Do you?" Toni grabbed another jelly donut out of the box and wandered off back to her desk.

As the rest of the officers began to disperse, Cullen looked curiously around the room. "I don't see Rylen, has he made it in yet?"

Thom pointed with his maple bar, "He's in your office, Sir. Was here when I came in this morning. He's lookin' pretty ragged: pacing, mumbling to himself, unshaven, he doesn't look like he's slept. Is there a new case, Sir?"

Cullen sighed heavily. "Yes, unfortunately... missing child."

"Those are never good."

"No, Thom, they're not." He caught the eyes of some of the remaining team members. "I have a meeting scheduled today for ten o'clock then Alistair and Dorian will be arriving at noon to give me a hand with the case. I expect you all to be on our best behavior."

Jim snickered. "Bringing the boyfriend in on a case, Sir?"

Cullen leveled a steely gaze at him. "Considering it's his child that we're searching for, you bet your ass he's going to be here. And you will treat him with respect this visit. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Sir. Perfectly clear." Jim blanched and lowered his gaze.

Confident that his message was received, Cullen grabbed an apple fritter out of the box and headed for his office.

Closing the door behind him, Cullen took in Rylen's haggard appearance. He was currently pacing back and forth in front of the digital projection of the link-chart diagram; wearing the same clothes he'd been in the night before. His hair was disheveled; there were dark circles under his eyes and his skin had taken on a sickly pallor. There were a few additions to their chart but he was mostly focusing on the amulet in his hand that Cullen found on the ledge at the library.

Rylen's fingers were worrying over the smooth metal as he mumbled to himself, "If… but no, that's not right… that's not possible. Or is it? Don't be stupid, Rylen, of course it's not! But what if… It's right here, right in front of me and I'm missing it?"

Cullen cleared his throat.

Rylen's head snapped up in surprise as he quickly deposited the necklace back onto the desk, "Oh, good morning, Commander."

"Good morning, Lieutenant. Long night?"

"Yes, Sir. I couldn't leave it. There's something here that's just… off. I don't know, I've been running through this all night, trying to figure it out. I thought this would be a normal kidnapping case, but it feels-all wrong."

"Wrong? How so?" Cullen handed Rylen the fritter and the untouched cup of coffee in his hand. "Sit."

Getting comfortable in the chair, Rylen sipped at the coffee gratefully. "We don't even have all the data yet: haven't been to the library itself, haven't done our usual intake interview with the parents, there's no note of ransom or anything. But I… I get the feeling none of that will really help if we're not looking at this correctly."

"And you don't think we're looking at it correctly, Rylen? Can you elaborate on that?"

"It's hard to explain." Rylen opened his mouth, closed it again, then took a bite of his pastry to buy him more time to formulate his reply. After a moment of contemplation, he finally admitted, "I'm… not sure how to describe it, not without you questioning my sanity, Sir."

Cullen settled in behind his desk, "Try me. I doubt there's anything that you could say that would surprise me or make me question the soundness of your observations."

Rylen chuckled morosely and whispered mostly to himself, "We'll see about that."

Watching Rylen uncomfortably fidget with his breakfast and coffee, Cullen decided to meet him in the middle. "Why don't we start with what you feel when you hold that amulet?" Cullen began with something tangible to focus on.

Rylen hesitated. "Do you… do you feel it too?"

Cullen smiled reassuringly, "Why don't you tell me what you feel and we'll go from there."

After taking a large gulp of his coffee, Rylen tried to put it into words, "Well, Sir, I know it might sound strange, but this necklace feels off; not like just a hunk of metal. It's more than that. No, that can't be right. There must be a logical explanation. Sir, please forget I ever said anything."

"Does it hum, put off vibrations, or feel… alive to you? Like it has an energy all its own?" Cullen sat back with his fingers steepled together, gauging Rylen's reaction.

Eyes like saucers, Rylen nodded. "I thought… I thought I might have been imagining it, but you-"

Cullen nodded. "Trust your instincts, Rylen. You know what you feel. Your translation of that energy might be different than mine. But, to answer that doubt in your eyes, yes, that necklace is more than just an inanimate piece of metal. You are not imagining it."

Rylen looked at the item laying on the desk. "How is that possible?"

Instead of answering the question, Cullen asked reluctantly, "Are you sure you want this information, Rylen? Because once we start down this rabbit hole, there is no coming back."

"I… I don't know. You sound like it's not something you want me to know. But, without the information, I can't help you find Alistair's son. I feel like I'm looking at everything all wrong, or just not seeing what I need to see. I feel like it's right there glaring at me, but I'm blind to what I should be seeing! I know that sounds crazy but…" Rylen glanced over at their interactive diagram, then down at the amulet again coming to his decision. "Whether I want to know or not,I think I need to know, Sir."

Cullen rubbed both hands down his face, groaning begrudgingly.

"There will be consequences if you tell me. Won't there?"

Cullen nodded. "You were always too observant for your own good. I can help you if this is what you want. The decision needs to be entirely yours though; I won't be responsible for making it for you."

"Then, my answer is yes." Rylen answered confidently. "I feel like this is something I'm… supposed to do… to know. I want to help you with this case and right now, I'm not playing with all the cards." Rylen took a steadying drink of his coffee while he waited for Cullen to compose his thoughts.

"Are you absolutely sure? You can take time to decide; it doesn't have to be now."

"No time like the present, Sir. If this can help us find Alistair's son, then whatever the cost, it's worth it."

Cullen took a moment to take in Rylen's decision. He was cautious, but determined. This wasn't a rash decision, it wasn't something Rylen was taking on begrudgingly either. He was sure, he was ready.

Putting his own reservations aside, Cullen took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Very well. To begin with, I need you to understand something. The world you know, is only one half of a whole. Our world is one of two that co-exist in a symbiotic dance. There are… beings on both sides of the veil that separate us that are completely unaware that the other exists."

"Beings, Sir?"

" Our side of the veil has people you're familiar with: Elves, Dwarves, Qunari, Humans, dogs, cats, birds, reptiles, fish… to name the most prevalent of them. The other side contains things you're more apt to find in fairy tales or horror stories: fae, dragons, demons, darkspawn; all are very real."

"Monsters? Really? " Rylen looked skeptical, but he didn't get up and walk out.

"Yes, really." Cullen answered simply.

Shaking his head, Rylen pressed on, "Ok, say I believe you. How can we co-exist without one side knowing about the other? And why do you know about them?"

"Not everyone is unaware. There are a few who can traverse the veil, others that are charged with protecting one side from the other, and still more that utilize energy from the other side to facilitate their magic on this side."

"Magic too?" Rylen put his head in his hands, shaking it in disbelief. "You're just fucking with me now, aren't you?" He leveled a gaze at Cullen.

"I truly wish it were so, Rylen. Y'know, if you would like to stop, we can leave this alone and move onto other topics. This isn't something you are required to know."

Rylen took a breath, then sighed in resignation. "No, Sir. I'm ok. It's just… a lot to take in: two worlds in one, magic , and apparently there's more to it." Rylen closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. "I wish I could explain it, but I feel like I need to do this. You said there are people on this side charged with protecting; is that… what you do?"

"I am one, yes. A True-Templar gifted with the responsibility of protecting the Maker's children."

"But you… left the order."

"That is mostly true. I left the politics behind; but not my faith, and not my mission. Once you acquire the ability to see the other side, you cannot give it up again."

"Do all Templar's know of this other world?"

"No, only a few possess the ability required to become aware of it. Not everyone is capable of seeing the truth."

"But you are…"

"I am…" Cullen sighed heavily. "Though I have left the order, my oaths still demand that I protect those incapable of protecting themselves. That includes dangers from both sides of the veil. There is a… blessing-if you will-that aids the transition into opening your sight fully, if you are susceptible. It is the same one that was used to open my sight when I was still in training. If we are to continue discussing this, I would suggest you allow me to perform the rite on you before we proceed further."

"Does it hurt?"

Cullen chuckled. "No, it only removes the doubt that's clouding your ability to accept. It's a prayer; a gentle touch of my 'gift' to your mind and the only thing you should feel is cool acceptance and calm understanding. It can be refreshing, exhilarating, and sometimes a little frightening. But you are safe here, I wouldn't offer this if I couldn't protect you while you acclimate to your sight."

"All right."

Cullen rose from his chair and walked purposefully to stand in front of him. "Last chance to tell me no, Rylen?"

"I trust you. Teach me."

"Very well. I've been watching you for a while. Chances are high that you'd have come upon this awakening on your own. At least this way, we can help guide you through your transition."

" We , Sir?"

"We'll talk more after. For now; close your eyes, relax, and listen to my voice. When you feel something cold permeating your body, don't panic, let it flow through you. Think of it as a cleansing shower, removing all of the barricades put into place by the Maker to protect those less capable of understanding. Know that you are capable, you are ready, and most importantly, you are not alone."

Cullen placed one hand gently behind Rylen's neck, tilting his head up and supporting its weight. With his other, he gently pressed his first and middle fingers to the center of Rylen's forehead and began to intone the prayer that he never thought he'd have to use again.

* * *

 **By the Maker's light, I grant you your sight**

 **To reveal the veil in all its glorious horrors**

 **All the truths of this world, and the one beyond**

 **In believing, we truly see**

 **In sight, we truly know**

 **With this** **Awakening,**

 **The actuality of the world-will be revealed.**

 **Be you worthy**

 **The Maker will provide**

* * *

The release of energy flowed naturally as he spoke-cooling, calming-leaving Cullen with a sense of serenity and rightness. He was meant to do this. Throughout his life, all he wanted was to be the Maker's hand; to do his work. That goal had been twisted and tarnished into something he barely recognized by the time he separated from the order.

Rylen quietly lost consciousness, collapsing into Cullen's arms; this was not uncommon when an awakening was successful. Lowering his body gently to the floor, Cullen pooled his jacket beneath Rylen's head and arranged his body into a comfortable position. It was hard to tell how long he would remain unconscious; it all depended on how much adjusting his mind and body needed to do to accommodate the new information.

On his knees, Cullen offered up a quiet prayer:

* * *

 _Maker~_

 _So often, I worry about the path I've taken_

 _Today, you've reassured me_

 _I still walk in your light_

 _I am worthy of your love_

 _And my devotion is not misguided_

 _For this, I am grateful_

 _I pray that Rylen's new path be an easy one_

 _Please, Maker, watch over him_

 _Help me guide him and ease his transition_

 _I pray his new gifts be no more than he can handle_

 _Always your faithful vessel_

 _Walking Forever in your light_

* * *

 **A/N - Happy December, my friends!** **  
I can't believe the end of the year is fast approaching! This story is happily back on schedule with weekly updates, but I want to bring your attention to another Dragon Age writing week coming up on Tumblr. DASatinalia is December 18th - December 24th this year. I have a few new Cocktails and Cheese one-shots planned for the adventure, so I hope you'll be following along to enjoy them! Subscribe to me or follow the blog on Tumblr, I don't think you'll be disappointed! :)**

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Remember how I said this story arc would be around 10 chapters? Well, I lied! I know, I'm kinda (not really) sorry. As I was studiously re-arranging my copious notes and files on this piece, I may have potentially, accidentally, maybe, stumbled across (cough/mumble/cough) another 5 chapters of content. So yeah - we are now looking at 41-42 chapters total, which will take us to at least the end of January. I hope you don't mind to terribly much. ;)

 **And don't forget, once this one is over, I have at least two more story arc's to go (another estimated 20 chapters total). So yeah, I hope you're still enjoying this, because apparently, these boys still have some adventures to go on! :)**

* * *

I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support-but for the record, I do go back over my work once my beta's have had their way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame them, I don't pay them nearly what they're worth to me!

* * *

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3. I am Aurlyn on Tumblr, come find me!  
Thank you all so much for your support!


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary:**

Coping with Rylen's awakening.  
How will he fare?

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 35**

Secrets and Salvation Part 9

* * *

Rylen opened his eyes and looked around with childlike wonder.

Cullen helped him to his feet, steadying him as he continued to look around the room. "How do you feel? Sometimes, it doesn't feel like anything is different, though there are some people that say it's like they're looking at the world through brand new eyes."

"Yeah-that one! It's… I just… I can't…" Rylen stuttered as he approached several items around the room. There was a medal on the wall that Cullen received as a Templar; it was surrounded in a faint green glow. Rylen reached out to touch it, but hesitated at the last moment. Next, he went to the sword that hung behind the desk; he always assumed it was ceremonial, but it shone so brightly, he could barely look at it directly. Finally, he turned to the desk and noticed a faded pink pulse coming from the vase that currently contained a dried-up rose.

Tilting his head to one side, he whispered in awe, "Alistair's roses… they're more than just…" Looking at Cullen, who was looking back quizzically, he noticed that Cullen himself, was surrounded in a golden aura that shone even brighter than his sword.

Auras? Am I seeing auras?

Rylen returned to the chair and, closing his eyes to the new sights before him, sank back into it with a sigh.

"I take it… something is different?" Cullen asked hesitantly as he approached his own chair behind the desk.

"I… yes. Y'know, I used to scoff at the self proclaimed psychics who offered to read auras for a fee. But now, I… I dunno… some things just shinemore than others… there are colors with each of them and some of them pulse-almost as if they're alive." He looked pointedly down at the necklace on the desk that was pulsing steadily with a deep purple glow. "Can you see auras on things too?"

Cullen shrugged. "The sight is different for everyone. I tend to feel more than see, for example: intent, evil-vs-good. It's like a gut feeling, only… stronger. To answer your questions, I am capable of seeing auras, but it is not as easy for me; I have to really concentrate and unfocus my eyes. The feeling comes naturally, the seeing… not so much. As Templars, we were trained to attune to magical energies. Some of my brethren would describe things with vivid imagery, but I always felt them more than saw. We are all different." Cullen sighed then smiled apologetically. "I should also tell you that with the sight, occasionally comes new… talents . Yours appear to be auras of sorts; time will tell us if something else has been awakened as well."

"That doesn't sound frightening at all, Sir." Rylen gulped.

"If all you've awakened is the ability to see auras, or if we find you have some latent ability come to the forefront, we will help you with them. I meant what I said, Rylen, you will not be alone."

"You keep saying… we , Sir. If I may say, you don't have a wide range of friends. Who do you have in your pocket that could possibly know what I'm going through?"

"I may not have a lot of them, but the ones I do have are almost all… unique. You've met most of them; others you will soon meet. I'm sure that you will get along with them all."

Rylen looked at the vase on the desk. "Alistair?"

Cullen smiled fondly. "Yes, Alistair also carries the sight. He was the one that encouraged me to offer you the choice, instead of just waiting for you to come into your awakening… naturally."

"Was he a Templar too?"

"No, though he did grow up at the Chantry watching them train. Did you ever read, The Last Flight Of The Griffons as a kid?"

"Sure, who didn't? It was about the Grey Wardens and their mounts of old before they died out…" Rylen's eyes narrowed in suspicion, then grew wide. "You can't mean that Alistair is…"

"A Griffon? No." Cullen winked. "But he is a Grey Warden. Well… in as much as I am still a Templar, that is."

"I need to sit."

"You are sitting."

"Maybe I need to stand." Rylen rose and began pacing the room again. "So, Alistair huh? What about Mia?"

Cullen sighed. "Mia is unique. She's aware, but not awakened. She believes, but doesn't have the capability to see. She's been there for me through some pretty difficult times, her and Dorian both, but the innate ability isn't in her."

"So… Dorian too then?"

"He's a Mage."

"Shit."

"He's a good one though, I promise you. As is Lana."

"Lana? The lady from the bar that delivers your roses?"

"The same."

"Well that explains why your vase is glowing."

"Is it?" Cullen focused on it for a few moments before his face lit up with a smile. "Why, that sneaky little…" Cullen chuckled. "I never noticed before. Not really surprising, just getting the weekly delivery makes me all sorts of-well, let's just say, I never noticed the other feelings underneath the joy of receiving my flowers. Damn, she's good! Hmmm…" Cullen closed his eyes concentrating, then began mumbling to himself, "...protection, but it's faded. I wonder… I wonder if it's powered by the roses? That would explain the regular deliveries."

"Sir?" Rylen pulled Cullen back to their conversation.

"What? Oh I'm sorry, Rylen. I was just… never mind. I will ask Lana about it the next time I see her."

"How do you all keep this hidden from everyone else?"

"Did you ever suspect that I was more than just a failed Templar, turned Detective, Rylen?"

"I never thought you failed at being a Templar, Sir. But to answer your question; no, you never gave any indication that there was more . Now that I'm thinking about it though, I used to catch glimpses of things out of the corner of my eye, or would get a bad feeling during one of our raids when we'd go in." His eyes suddenly went wide remembering their last raid to find the missing mother. "The warehouse? We killed nine of the kidnappers when they fought against us, but one got away and you were… more exhausted than usual after that fight. What exactly were we up against? It wasn't just people right? It was… something else that night, wasn't it?"

Cullen nodded. "Mages, Lieutenant. Some are good and help people, they follow certain rules and guidelines that keep them and those around them safe. There are other mages, however, that are power hungry; they use their own blood to amplify their powers. It's stupid, dangerous, and puts them at unnecessary risk. Demons are drawn to it, and if they're not careful, their bodies can be possessed. We call them abominations. Thankfully, I was able to prevent anything like that from happening while you guys took them all out. It took great effort to keep the powers of so many at bay, but their leader still got away." Cullen sighed heavily at the memory.

"I'm sorry, Sir. If I had only known-"

"You would have treated the case exactly as you did. Your orders remain the same. You follow my lead and go where I tell you. Mages are myspecialty, Lieutenant. We have yet to discover yours, though I have a feeling it will have something to do with seeing things that others cannot. Not a bad skill to have as a detective, don't you think? You've always had a penchant for it, even without the sight ; the auras will help and only time will tell what other skills you've acquired."

Rylen nodded, still absorbing all that he'd discovered.

"I don't mean to add more weight to your already burdened shoulders, but you know that you can't tell your fiancé about this, right?" Rylen looked up sharply at Cullen's declaration. "To keep her safe, she must remain naïve to all of this new information."

"I thought you said that Mia knew. Why can't I tell Jan?"

"If it were possible, I would have protected all of you from knowing about the true horrors that are out there. Mia had to know, to help with my healing. She…" Cullen sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "She is incapable of seeing, and maybe that is what protects her. When we failed to open her sight, we did what we could to ward her and her family. We can't be sure how Jan would react, and I wouldn't want to risk her unnecessarily."

Rylen nodded solemnly. "So, what should I expect? Will I have to be hypervigilant all the time now?"

Cullen shook his head. "You shouldn't be seeing big nasties around every corner. Well… at least, I would hope you wouldn't. I don't anyway." Cullen chuckled trying to lighten the mood. "You'll still be able to go about your normal life: go to the grocery store, the gym, out for coffee. Tears in the veil are rare, but they are possible, and now you will be able to see them and the dangers that can pour forth from them. Ultimately, this makes you better prepared for them."

"But, what do I do if I do see something like that? I can't… I don't…" Rylen wrung his hands nervously.

"Remain calm. You are not prepared to fight them-yet. The best course of action is to try to remain as passive and apparently naïve as possible. Remember that looking at them draws their attention to you. With some of the creatures, it's easier said than done to avert your eyes, but do your best. Bury your nose in your cellphone; call me or send me a text with your location. We can contact Alistair as well; there is no one better prepared to counter a tear in the veil than a Grey Warden."

Rylen ran his hands down his face and groaned. "Ugh… An hour ago, I didn't know any of this existed beyond niggling feelings, and now…" He looked over at Cullen, who was still sitting calmly behind his desk. "How do you do it? How do you cope with all of this information?"

Cullen smiled reassuringly. "Some days are easier than others. There are many days that I can go through life pretending that I'm just like everyone else. Then there are other days… days when I'm there to help a young mother find her way back to her baby and worried husband; days like that, make knowing what I know unequivocally worth it. I do what I do because it is the right thing to do and because someone has to do it. My faith carries me through much of it; Dorian and Mia have had a hand in helping through some of the rougher trials I've faced as well."

Rylen nodded in understanding.

"As an officer, you already put your life on the line to protect and serve others. This just opens you up to do the job you already do-that much better. And as I've said, you won't need to face any of this alone. As soon as we find Kieren, Alistair and I will begin your training."

"My training, Sir?"

"I would not leave you defenseless in a world where you can see all the horrors. Your usual three days per week at the gym will not be enough for awhile. Alistair has offered up his dojo for us to prepare you to fight the supernatural. We'll figure out a regular schedule and head there after work."

Rylen snickered. "You do like your schedules, don't you?"

"Yes… yes I do," Cullen admitted, "...and it usually serves us well. You'll need to figure out something to tell Jan though, it can be as simple as extra training for work. You know I'll back you up. I don't want you getting into trouble at home, but I don't want to put you in unnecessary danger either."

"Understood, Sir. Do you mind if I… excuse myself for a bit? I need to freshen up before the meeting and I really need a moment to just..."

"Whatever you need, Rylen. Just be back by nine-thirty so we can prepare to meet with Morrigan."

"Alistair's not coming?"

"No, the two of them… don't really get along. I think it would be counter-productive to have them both in the same room for this. She holds back in front of him and they… antagonize each other; to put it lightly"

"That bad huh? I can't imagine him being happy about passing on this meeting though."

"Oh, there was a discussion, believe me." Cullen chuckled fondly. "He will be joining us afterward about the same time Dorian shows up. I made a reservation for the four of us at Mr. Chen's so we can discuss our findings and plans over lunch."

Rylen nodded. "Sounds good, Sir. I will be back shortly."

Cullen watched Rylen walk out of his office, looking pale and more haggard than when he'd come in, but all things considered, he seemed to be taking things rather well.

Well that didn't go as bad as I thought it might.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Oh, damn! I'm a whole day early with this one. I hope you don't mind too terribly much. I have a busy weekend planned, so wanted to get this up sooner rather than later. ;)

I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support behind my writing. I am especially thankful to **Ponticle** for being my ever faithful beta-but for the record, I do go back over my work once she's had her way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame her, I don't pay her nearly what she's worth to me!

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3. I am Aurlyn on Tumblr; come find me!  
Thank you all so much for your support!


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary:**

Rylen's new abilities.  
Cullen's meeting with Morrigan.  
Finding out a little more about Kieran.  
Are you ready?

* * *

 **Notes:**

There has been copious amounts of new information regarding Rylen's awakening and there's even more in this chapter. I've put a lot of thought into the lore I've woven, so if something doesn't make sense, if you have any questions, or just want some clarification-please don't hesitate to ask. That goes for some of the new information on magic and Kieran as well. Also, when we get to Kieran, keep in mind Cullen's special Templar abilities (refer to chapter 12 if you need a refresher). I promise this sweet little boy will be well taken care of-do not fear for him even though his current plight seems grim.

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!  
**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 36**

Secrets and Salvation Part 10

* * *

Rylen re-entered the office forty-five minutes later, looking much calmer. He'd taken the time to freshen up and put on the spare suit that he kept in his locker. His eyes were still wide and rested a fraction of a second longer than necessary on items around the room. But overall, he seemed better .

"How are you feeling?" Cullen asked, pocketing the amulet he'd been inspecting.

"I'm ok, I guess. It's-I don't know how to describe it." He handed Cullen a cup of coffee and took a long pull from his own. "It's like every one of my senses has woken up. Everything looks crisper and sharper . The coffee tastes more robust; the cup feels smoother, the sweetness of the apple fritter was just… more … I don't know, everything! Even touching things-" he caressed his fingers across the leather on the back of the chair. "Maker, I-"

"Can't wait to get home to your fiancé?" Cullen chuckled.

Blushing, Rylen laughed, relaxing into the comfortable camaraderie they were used to. "I hadn't actually thought of that, but if everything is more intense, I can't imagine what being intimate is going to feel like." Closing his eyes, he inhaled the aroma wafting from his cup and savored the more vivid scent-letting it encompass him before taking another sip, rolling it around on his tongue.

"You need to be careful with this, Rylen."

Rylen looked up quizzically.

"With these new powers, you run the risk of sensory overload, overstimulation, and debilitating headaches. To stay in control, you need to make sure you get the basics: nutrition, hydration, rest."

"I think I understand. So, drink lots of water, make sure I get plenty of sleep, and eat my veggies? Thanks, mom!" Rylen teased.

Cullen chuckled. "You may jest, just be mindful so it doesn't get away from you."

"Understood, Sir. Thank you for the warning." Rylen paused a moment in contemplation. "Do you think things like… meditation could help me control all of this new information my body is processing? Maybe yoga?"

"It's possible. We should talk to Lana. She may have some suggestions for mental exercises to help you mitigate the input and help navigate the transition."

Nodding again, Rylen checked the clock. "Mr. Theirin's ex will be here soon. Is there anything special I should know about her?"

"First off, don't let either of them hear you call her that." He chuckled. "As for what to expect? She's fairly self-assured and cocky, but her child is missing, so she's hurting. Plus, she believes her mother is the culprit-it's all very complicated. She was guarded when I talked with her last night, which is why I asked her to come back today-without Alistair."

A light knock sounded on the door, interrupting their conversation.

"Yes?" they both said at once.

Thom poked his head in. "Sirs, your ten o'clock is here."

Cullen nodded. "Thank you, send her in."

"Them, Sir." he said, beginning to open the door wider.

"Them?"

Lana's tiny form snuck in under Thom's arm, without ducking. Grinning wide, she walked up to Cullen for a quick hug. "Yes… them . Didn't think I'd let you do this without me, did you?"

"Lana! What a pleasant surprise." Cullen returned her embrace, looking bemused.

Thom stepped aside to let Morrigan enter the room. "Right then, Sirs, do you need anything else?"

"Thank you, Thom. That will be all for now." Cullen dismissed him before turning to Lana. "Alistair will feel much better knowing that you're here for this."

She grinned while patting his cheek before nodding towards Morrigan. "Of course, but I am not here entirely for him; I am vested in this as well. We may not have kept in touch over the years, but when you go through as much as we all did together, you form certain bonds that can't be ignored."

Morrigan chimed in, "We are… kindred spirits, as it were. Even Alistair wouldn't deny being a part of this dysfunctional little family ."

Cullen nodded. "I'd like to introduce you to my Lieutenant. Rylen, I'd like you to meet… Rylen?" He paused, looking at his second, who was staring back and forth between the two women, eyes large and unblinking, his cup held in a white knuckled grip.

"Rylen!" Cullen barked, stepping in front of him, blocking his view to the rest of the room.

Rylen's gaze snapped quickly to Cullen's. "Sir! Sorry, I just…" his eyes began to drift back toward the mages in the room.

"Rylen!" Cullen pulled his attention back to him. "You ok here?"

As Rylen stood with his eyes as wide as saucers, Lana edged around Cullen, to fully take in the situation.

Blinking repeatedly, he tracked Lana's movement and forced a small smile to his lips. "I'm sorry, ma'am, it is… it's nice to see you again."

She looked long and hard at the Lieutenant; circling him completely to come stand on Cullen's other side. She lowered her voice to console, "Oh, Rylen. There is so much…" she turned to Cullen, her own eyes wet with barely contained emotion. "Do you realize just how open his sight is? It's not just his awareness, it seems to be…everything. That's incredible ! I've never seen anything like it." She took a steadying breath to protect herself from the huge amounts of input being unintentionally thrown at her.

Rylen looked at Cullen then back to Lana, his mouth hanging open in surprise.

"Rylen, Lana can-"

She slowly and gently placed her hand on Rylen's arm. "I can see what's in your mind, hun. If you see it-if you feel it-I perceive it. Normally, I can tune it out, protecting people's privacy as much as I can, but when you experience things more intensely… I have more trouble blocking it. And you-"

"It's a lot. I know."

"Do you?" She paused, then offered, "I may be able to help. I know a thing or two about protecting yourself from the onslaught of input from others. If you'll let me, I can teach you how to control it and shield yourself from the overload."

"I would like that. Thank you, ma'am."

"It's Lana, Rylen. I won't accept anything else anymore."

He nodded in understanding, looking at Cullen. "I'm sorry for getting distracted, Sir. I wasn't prepared for-"

"What do you see?"

"Their energy, it's so much different from yours. Your aura is steady and seems to only increase and decrease with your emotions, but it is almost too bright to look at, so I can't tell much more. Their energies are always moving, shifting, changing." He looked at Lana. "She is almost totally engulfed in a swirling mass of light blue and white." He tilted his head to the side. "With flecks of silver and streaks of pink dotted throughout."

"My aura is blue because I am a healer, Rylen, and it moves because as a mage, I can manipulate the energies that surround me. The world around me is never stagnant, it's always flowing, allowing me to dip my fingers in at anytime to scoop out what I need; not unlike a river." She looked at Cullen, who seemed to be staring at her with unfocused concentration. "I'm unsure about the pink and silver that you see… I'm not sure it's of import now, but we can revisit it again later."

Cullen cleared his sight. "I only see your blue and Morrigan's deep red. But auras aren't my specialty." He paused, taking note of a few items around the room. "Rylen also mentioned being able to see auras in objects as well as people..."

Rylen was looking at Morrigan who was leaning with her hip against the file cabinet waiting for them to finish. Without acknowledging the other's conversation, he began to walk toward Morrigan, his head tilted again in curiosity. "Blood red, with spots of black, pink and…" he gasped suddenly before focusing clearly on her eyes. "A hole: empty, longing, lost, alone-afraid," He finished on a whisper to her narrowed gaze.

"'twould seem that you can see the part of me that is missing-my son." She spoke bluntly, but not unkindly. "That is why we are here, 'tis it not? So you can help me find Kieran?"

Rylen nodded while Cullen responded, "It is, Morrigan, however, I have a request before we continue."

She looked at him curiously then at Lana who gasped suddenly, covering her mouth and staring in surprise at Cullen.

Morrigan narrowed her eyes. "Well, that doesn't bode well. Whatever you're thinking surprised Lana, so I'm probably not going to like it. Speak your piece-if you must-so we can get on with this and find my son."

Clearing his throat, Cullen squared his shoulders expecting her resistance to his request. "Once we get Kieran back, I want you to consider , allowing Alistair into his life."

She began to shake her head, but he persisted, "He is Kieran's father and deserves to know his son. You do not have to schedule regular visitations or anything, just… introduce them. Let Kieran know who he is, then it can go from there."

"And if I choose not to, you will withhold your help I take it?"

Sighing, Cullen shook his head. "It would not be within me to let a child or a parent suffer. My help is yours and I will find Kieran, but please... consider it. It would mean a lot to me. It would mean even more to Alistair."

She looked hard at Cullen for several long moments. Finally reaching a decision, she closed her eyes and responded reluctantly, "Very well, 'twill be done. An introduction will be made, but I make no promises beyond that."

Lana had tears in her eyes as Cullen nodded his understanding. "Thank you, Morrigan."

He indicated the interactive chart in the room, so they could begin their meeting in earnest. Walking around his desk, he sat down at the keyboard to add notes to the project while they talked.

* * *

Unblinking, Rylen watched Morrigan in fascination as he tried to process all of the new sources of input. First auras, then all of his senses lit up all at once and now… emotions? How was he picking up emotions? He wasn't exactly hearing her thoughts, but her loss was unmistakable, like a lead blanket weighing down the whole room making it difficult to breathe. Closing his eyes, he took a breath to try to refocus. Hearing the clicking of the keyboard, he turned his body toward the board. His own data input could wait, he needed to focus on the case at hand.

One thing at a time.

* * *

Seeing his lieutenant turn toward the projection of the link-chart, Cullen began the meeting by recounting what they knew so far:

 ** _**One month ago, Morrigan learned that her mother wanted her son for an unknown-and probably malevolent-purpose._**

 ** _**Morrigan's mother-also known as Flemeth-also known as the Witch of the Wilds-disappeared around the same time. She is a witch known for seeking to increase her own power by any means necessary. Age unknown; possibly immortal._**

 ** _**Two and a half weeks ago, Morrigan relocated to Denerim with Kieran to see if Alistair, Lana, and Leliana knew anything that could help her._**

 ** _**Kieran was last seen yesterday, around ten in the morning, on the second floor of the Denerim Library. Morrigan stepped away, for roughly thirty minutes, to look for a tome in the restricted section of the library._**

Finished with the overview, Cullen began to ask more questions, trying to ferret out any new information. He looked at Lana periodically to fill in information that was pertinent, but Morrigan hadn't deemed important enough to share. Her unique ability to see into both parties' minds allowed her to find the true questions behind some of Cullen's words and the answers for them from Morrigan as well. Rylen occasionally asked his own questions, trying to piece together things the others missed, but for the most part, he sat silently and observed.

Once they exhausted the basics, Cullen pulled the amulet out of his pocket, to a gasp from Morrigan.

"Where did you get that?"

"I take it you recognize it?"

She seemed hesitant to continue, but taking a deep breath, volunteered a rather large piece to the puzzle, "'tis Kieran's. I gave it to him when he came into his magic. It's supposed to help him… contain it."

"Contain it? How so?" Cullen asked, but seeing the look of horror cross Lana's face, he dreaded the answer.

"Kieran is unlike other children. His magic came in early and strong."

"How old was he?" Cullen barely whispered, knowing he wasn't going to like the answer.

"He was only three."

"Maker's breath! Three? How in Thedas do you teach a three-year-old to protect himself-and everything else-from their own magic?" Cullen's eyes were wide with astonishment.

"'twasn't easy, I assure you, but… Kieran isn't exactly alone either." Morrigan looked at Lana for permission, then settled into the story of Kieran's conception.

She began with how her mother initially planted the idea that when pitted against an archdemon, there was a ritual that would allow the Warden's to survive. She ended with recently finding out that her mother's intent was to eventually harvest the extra soul trapped within her son… though she didn't know how or why.

"So you're saying that the other entity residing within Kieran is a sentient being that can be communicated with?" Cullen asked incredulously.

She nodded solemnly. "When Kieran's magic first manifested, I was so scared. That was the first time Urthemiel talked with me through Kieran. It assured me that Kieran would be protected as long as they remained together. It… helped him to contain his magic. I'm not exactly sure how it was able to do it, but it worked. They worked out a system that I was able to help with. Kieran's had two teachers since then, teaching him how to utilize the powers at his disposal. They are still too much for him, so we've kept him on a very short leash; magically speaking."

She took a deep shaky breath while Lana rubbed circles on her shoulder.

"Urthemiel didn't know what Flemeth wanted with it?"

Morrigan shook her head, "No, for seven years, we've been working together to teach Kieran and help him with his overabundance of magical abilities. Once he is grown, he will be able to contain it on his own, but for now, it is too much for his little vessel to handle. Without proper manipulation and drainage, it can be quite painful for him."

"I see, and the amulet?"

"This has been both his protection and salvation." she said, glancing down at the metal in her hands, letting a lone tear fall into her lap. "If I am unable to drain him of his excessive magical energy, he's been taught to filter it into this necklace. Emergency storage, if you will, until we can get somewhere safe to expel it."

Cullen nodded in understanding, but Rylen only looked more confused. "You speak of magic like it's not something he conjures to work for him as you've explained it works for you and Lana. Is… his different? Is it more dangerous?"

"It can be. When you look at Lana and I, you see our magical energies swirling around us. We have a finite amount that tops off, and when we spend it, we have to wait for it to come back, usually by eating and resting, or with elixirs that help it to replenish faster. Kieran's magic keeps filling, it never stops. We've yet to be able to find his limit to capacity. We do know that when he gets too much, he hurts: headaches, nose bleeds; once he even bled from his ears until we could help him. He's still young, his small body isn't designed to carry so much power yet."

"Can't you just have him cast a bunch of spells to diminish the amount of magic within him?" Rylen asked, trying to understand.

"You would think, wouldn't you? But Kieran can cast spells that would normally exhaust me, with it barely touching the amount of energy within him. To put it plainly, it costs less to him, so he would have to spend more for it to deplete significantly. His also regenerates more swiftly as well. The combination makes it difficult to maintain for him."

Rylen nodded, "You said the amulet was a container, but you also mentioned that it has another use?"

"Aye, it is the device I use to help siphon off the excess energy within him. Without it, I don't have enough energy myself to be able to help him; it allows me to focus. The old god taught me how to make it to harness the energy and release it, making the process safer for both Kieran and myself." She sighed heavily. "Without this amulet, he won't be able to regulate. Without this amulet, he could already be in excruciating pain." She looked at Lana with something near to panic in her eyes.

"We'll find him, Morrigan." Lana soothed.

"Yes, but he's so small and alone."

"He's never alone; you said so yourself. And he is far from defenseless." Lana looked at Cullen but still spoke to Morrigan, "We have the best on this and are bringing in more, none of us will rest until Kieran is safe again."

Morrigan took a deep breath, pushed her shoulders back and steeled her expression. "You're right, or course."

Looking at the clock, Cullen noticed that there was only another twenty minutes before Alistair and Dorian would be arriving. Stating as much, he ended the meeting with promises to keep everyone in the loop on the investigation.

As Morrigan turned to leave, she looked back over her shoulder. "Thank you, Commander. You cannot understand what it means to me for you to be helping find my son. I… I never thought I would say this about Alistair, but I'm… happy he's found you. He has a good heart and-deserves to be happy." She paused a moment before adding, "you will not tell him I said that, though."

Cullen smiled warmly. "Thank you, Morrigan. I will endeavor to keep your little secret. We'll find Kieran; I promise you. The information you've shared this morning has given me several ideas on where to look next and Dorian is an incredible tracker. If anyone can locate where Kieran is, Dorian can."

She nodded once, then stepped through the door with Rylen intent on showing her out.

"Lana?" Cullen added with a small smirk as she made for the door.

She looked up with a curious glance.

"Were you ever going to tell me about the protection spell on the vase?"

She shrugged her shoulders sheepishly. "I figured you'd ask at some point."

"Does Alistair know?"

She nodded. "It was his idea. After that first raid, he was beside himself with worry. He said since he couldn't be there to protect you himself, he wanted me to come up with some way to help protect you from afar."

"Do the roses fuel the spell?"

She grinned proudly. "Pretty ingenious, huh? Alistair's a hopeless romantic and came up with the idea of sending you weekly roses… so I just had to figure out how to make them refill the spell each week." Looking at the vase, she walked over and touched the dried rose which suddenly softened and filled out; once again full of life. The hum from the vase grew louder, now that Cullen knew what to listen for, he could feel it at full strength.

"Thank you, Lana-for everything." He wrapped her in his arms and kissed the top of her head.

"Always, Cullen. You and Alistair are family. I will keep Morrigan distracted for the afternoon, but please let us know if there's anything that we can do. Give Ali my love and good luck; we need their son back safe, sound, and soon."

He nodded in understanding, turning back to his notes as the door to his office clicked behind her.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Ok, my lovelies. I have a big week coming up. It's DA Satinalia Week on Tumblr, and I have a piece planned for every day. Granted, I only have five of them completed so far, but keep your fingers crossed, cause I'm hoping to finish the last two in time to post-here's hoping!

I have two time stamps for my recent pieces: Chantry Days & Hot for Teacher. There's a continuation to a gift story that was recently written for me by Ponticle, called Ten More Minutes. And finally, there are two new one-shots here in the Cocktails and Cheese Universe. These ones are all complete and edited, so don't worry, you will be getting your C&C fix this week. The two pieces that are still in limbo are a little holiday piece for my Gift OT3 Universe and one for Beyond Chantry Days.

 _With all the new stories this week (as well as my husband's birthday, Yule, and Christmas on the horizon), it will be New Year's Eve before I get chapter 37 posted for you. 'tis the season to be overloaded with 'stuff', y'know?_  
 **  
I'd like to wish all of you a very safe and wonderful holiday season! Whatever you celebrate, know that your presence is loved and appreciated! Thank you for taking an interest in my happy little universe and for supporting me. 2017 has been an amazing year for my growth in writing and I owe a lot of that to my incredible support system-including my lovely readers. :)**

I am beyond grateful to have so much wonderful support behind my writing. I am especially thankful to Ponticle for being my ever faithful beta-but for the record, I do go back over my work once she's had her way with it (and occasionally change shit anyway), so any and all mistakes within are all my own! Please don't blame her, I don't pay her nearly what she's worth to me!

This story is cross posted on both fanfiction as well as AO3. I am Aurlyn on Tumblr; come find me!  
Thank you all so much for your support!


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary:**

Alistair makes it to the precinct and is met with an unexpected sight.  
Rylen gets a look at Alistair's aura; and finally, Dorian graces them with his presence.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Happy 2018!** At least, I hope it will be a happy one for you.

Have another chapter moving us forward in our investigation. This is the last filler as we gather our cast, next chapter we'll get to see how Cullen and Dorian work together. And then? **STUFF!**  
I can't give away all the secrets just yet!

We're counting down to a few surprises and I'll see if I can squeeze in a little more intimate time between our boys.  
(They've been through a lot-with more to come-I think they've earned it). ;)

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 37**

Secrets and Salvation Part 11

* * *

Alistair ambled his way from the chantry to the precinct. His heart much lighter after his talk with Mother Natalie, his mind clearer, he was ready to to find out how Cullen's meeting with Morrigan went.

Entering the building, he immediately registered the more focused feel of the usually boisterous group. Their playful banter was conspicuously absent, as was the light camaraderie that Alistair came to associate with this little office family. Stopping at the vacant front desk, he looked around and nodded a polite greeting to those he recognized. Each smile was returned in kind, but their attention was immediately diverted back to their tasks at hand.

He checked his watch, then looked at Cullen's office door. It was slightly ajar, which normally meant it was okay to go inside. He was a few minutes early, however, and didn't want to go in if Morrigan was still present. Though they'd had many confrontations over the years, Alistair wanted her to have this time with Cullen unencumbered by their mutual combativeness. He owed her that, and knew that Cullen would be better equipped to find Kieran if he had Morrigan's undivided attention.

Officer Jim suddenly shouted into his phone, "I don't care whose authority you think you need for this to happen, the Commander wants that picture circulated **today**!" He slammed the receiver down and took a deep breath. Meeting Alistair's gaze with a sheepish smile, he approached wearily. "Sorry about that, Mr. Theirin. We're just trying to… well, I'm sure you know what we're all doing. Welcome back, by the way."

"Thank you, Jim." Alistair looked around the room again and it finally occurred to him why everyone looked so serious in their work. Cullen already had everyone on the case. His case; to find Kieran. Clearing his throat, he tried to stave off the heavy emotions suddenly welling there. "Is uh… is he still in his meeting?"

"No, Sir. It's just the Lieutenant in there with him now."

He nodded his thanks and started to walk away when a tentative hand landed on his shoulder. Glancing at the hand, then back at Jim, Alistair quirked an eyebrow in question.

"For what it's worth, Sir, we are all working our hardest to find Kieran. The Commander gave us our marching orders, but… if you need anything, all you have to do is ask."

"Thank you, Jim. I appreciate it."

With a small tug at the corner of his mouth, Jim added conspiratorially, "I saw him smile today for the first time in two weeks; I don't know what happened between you, and I don't need to, but... I wanted you to know that we're all happy you're back." He removed his hand slowly from Alistair's shoulder while glancing at the office door. "He would move mountains for you, Mr. Theirin. I fear anyone who tries to get in his way when it comes to finding your son. He won't stop until he's home safe."

With a grim smile, Alistair patted Jim's arm. "That makes two of us."

Taking a deep breath, Alistair headed for the office door, pausing briefly to look inside. A soft smile splayed on his face as he knocked softly and walked in.

* * *

Cullen and Rylen were gesticulating at the interactive link-chart, when Alistair entered.

Their conversation halted immediately and Cullen's whole face lit up as he came over to wrap his arms around Alistair. "There you are. I'm glad you made it."

Cupping Cullen's face, Alistair placed a tender kiss on his lips. "You know I wouldn't miss this. It was hard enough to stay away this morning. Was your meeting productive?"

"It was. I'm surprised you were able to stay away, I was half expecting you to come in early."

Alistair shrugged one shoulder. "I knew you'd get more done if I wasn't here to get in the way. Finding Kieran is more important than my ego, and anyway…" he looked deep into Cullen's eyes. "I trust you with this."

"Truly?"

"Truly. There's no one better suited. Morrigan was right." Alistair snickered. "Just don't tell her I said so." Alistair leaned his forehead on Cullen's shoulder with a sigh. "I should have called you sooner. I should have let you in, then maybe Kieran wouldn't have been taken."

Cullen tightened his embrace. "Alistair, don't. We can't change the past, but we sure as hell can affect the future. We'll find him. That, I promise you."

"I believe you. Thank you, by the way."

"For?"

"For last night, for breakfast, for… everything actually." Alistair waved vaguely toward the busy office outside.

Cullen's eyes softened. "You are more than welcome." He brushed his thumb gently under Alistair's eye. "You look better today-more rested."

"Well, I did get to spend a few blissful hours wrapped in your arms before you left for work," Alistair whispered quietly. "I wish you could have stayed longer, though. You look like you need the sleep just as much as I did."

"I'll be all right. I've survived on less for longer." At Alistair's concerned expression, he added. "Tell ya what, Dorian will be staying at my apartment tonight, why don't I join you at the loft and you can make sure I get plenty of rest?"

"I'm not sure that's going to get you more sleep, but I certainly wouldn't argue the distraction." Alistair grinned mischievously.

Cullen chuckled. "What am I going to do with you, huh?"

"I can think of a few things."

"I bet you could; later though." He winked, kissing Alistair on the nose. "How about, while we wait for Dorian to join us, you tell me about your morning?"

Alistair dipped his head apologetically. "Wellll… Your apartment, may be a bit cleaner than when you left this morning."

Cullen shook his head, amused. "It wasn't messy."

"No, it wasn't, but I was feeling antsy and needed something to do. When I ran out of distractions there, I went to visit the chantry."

"Did you clean that too?"

Alistair laughed. "No, but Mother Natalie sends her love. She says she's glad that we're working this out."

"I am too." Cullen smiled affectionately. "Sounds like you had a full morning."

"Probably not as full as yours. So… are you going to tell me what you found out?"

"In time."

Alistair narrowed his eyes. "You're seriously going to make me wait, aren't you?"

"For the details? Yes, but it won't be for much longer; I promise you." Cullen pulled Alistair in for another kiss, which started to deepen when Rylen cleared his throat next to them.

Cheeks tinged with embarrassment, Alistair looked over to apologize to Rylen but the words dissipated before they could be uttered.

Rylen looked at them with his head tilted to one side; his expression drifting on the edges of confusion and intrigue.

"Rylen? You okay over there?" Alistair asked instead.

Snapping back to attention, Rylen stammered, "I-It's been… a very eye opening morning, Alistair." His gaze flicked between them, then he tilted his head again, his eyes going wide and unfocused.

Alistair looked to Cullen, concerned.

Releasing Alistair from his embrace, Cullen stepped over and gently gripped Rylen's shoulders. "Hey, I need you to focus, Rylen. What are you seeing? More auras?"

"Sir, your colors… they're—interacting." He waved, indicating the two of them, then looked directly at Alistair—reading him—while still reporting to Cullen. "His are deep blue: solid, steady, safe? I'm not sure that's the right word; but, it's laced with white, almost like yours: bright and blinding, but his blue is soothing." He shook his head and closed his eyes tightly.

Cullen gently guided Rylen to one of the chairs and helped him to sit. "I don't think I've ever heard about auras combining before, but then again, I've never seen anyone take to their sight like you have either. What can you tell me about them?"

Rylen took a few steadying breaths. "I can tell you that Alistair's colors are deep blue, silvery white, tinged with pink and… a little orange? No—golden yellow. But with him, I'm not just seeing, I… feel too—safe. I used that word already." He says absently, working through it out loud. "Guarded, protected, warded… Warden! You said he's a Warden. Warden's are real. That makes sense then. Hmmm."

Alistair watched Rylen with interest.

"The colors I'm starting to understand. But yours…" Rylen opened his eyes and looked at Cullen. "…are too bright to tell what they are. They're intense, painfully so, until…" Rylen looked over at Alistair. "...until you hugged each other. He calms you, Cullen; grounds you, brings you into focus. Alistair, can you…?" He gestured for Alistair to get closer to Cullen.

Alistair took Cullen's hand in his own.

Rylen shook his head. "Not enough."

Alistair wrapped both arms around Cullen's waist and laid his head on his shoulder, all the while, watching Rylen intently. The smile he received in return was beatific.

With a relieved sigh, Rylen relaxed as he stared at the two of them together. "Golden light, softer now—like an old incandescent light-bulb. I can see your other colors now, so many, obfuscated by your faith: purple, green, orange, brown, red, flecks of pink—" Rylen stood up suddenly and walked a circle around the two of them.

"Rylen?" Cullen asked. "What have you worked out?"

"Well…" he hesitated, "I've been trying to figure out what all the colors mean. Some, I've been feeling, like you do. But then you said, most people only see one or maybe two colors at the most. Not only am I seeing multiple colors on everyone—solid, or two equal colors swirling together—but I also see flecks and flashes of other colors mixed in. So far, all of you have had flecks of pink and I wasn't sure what that meant. But, with Alistair dampening your radiance, I see your flecks of pink as well and they're… mingling with each other. The more you touch, the brighter they get and the faster their dance."

Rylen giggled excitedly looking at them both. "It's obvious, now that I think about it, pink is your affection for one another; or love, if you want to put it simply. The fact that your auras interact is simply amazing. It's like, you are… two parts of the same whole; yet separate—there is nothing missing. I don't… it's dizzying. Worse than the swirling around the mages; brighter, more intense, just… more." Rylen's eyes flicked to Alistair's, a note of apology written in them.

"Cullen?" Alistair asked. "Is this normal? I've never seen anything like this before. The Warden joining is much different-providing you survive at all, but I still… Wow, I've never seen someone so aware after such a short period of time."

Cullen nodded. "His awakening went better than we expected. I've never seen anything like this either. His sight is wide open; all aspects of it, as far as we can tell. Lana wants to work with him to help dampen down the effects, help him mitigate—"

"Lana was here?" Alistair interrupted.

"Did you think she'd let Morrigan come by herself?"

"Yeah, I guess that's a thing with her; always has her hand in the cookie jar." He smiled affectionately. "I'm glad she was here… especially with—" Alistair smiled reassuringly at Rylen. "If anyone can help you with mitigating input overload, Rylen, Lana can."

Rylen shrugged, "So far, it hasn't been that bad, but honestly, I haven't left the office yet. Come to think of it, I have already encountered: a True-Templar, some mythological Wardens, and a couple of Mages; I can't imagine it getting more bizarre than you guys." He laughed.

"We are kind of a unique group. Talk about throwing you into the thick of things." Alistair chuckled. "Thankfully, we're the good weird on this side of the veil. The rest will come in time and we'll be there to help you get through the transition. I'm sure Cullen has already warned you against approaching anything from the other side without one of us there."

"He did and I've got both of your numbers-as well as Lana's-on speed dial, just in case."

Alistair nodded. "That's good. How are you feeling now? You seem to be acclimating okay."

He grinned at Alistair. "As long as you don't let him go, I can focus." He winked at Cullen. "Not that you needed my help in getting his arms wrapped around you, Sir, but you don't seem to be complaining either."

Cullen draped an arm over Alistair's shoulders. "If this is all I have to do to keep you on task, I think I can manage to take one for the team—as terrible as it is."

Alistair grinned, poking Cullen in the ribs. "Hey, be nice! So… when are you going to tell me about your meeting?"

"As soon as…"

Dorian rapped quickly on the door then swaggered into the room. "Did I miss anything fun? Please tell me you haven't brought out the good toys yet; you know how I loathe to miss it when you polish your sword."

Cullen's cheeks turned pink and he coughed uncomfortably. "We were waiting on you—as always. You certainly know how to make an entrance."

"I do, don't I? But now that my beauty has brightened up this dreary office, perhaps we can get started? If I remember correctly, you promised me lunch. But by the looks of you two all wrapped around each other, perhaps we're jumping straight to the dessert course?"

Alistair dropped his arms, but clasped onto Cullen's hand, leaving his whole flank pressed up against Cullen's. "Still okay, Rylen?"

He nodded. "It's not as good, but enough to dampen it for now. I'll be all right." Rylen assured him.

Cullen addressed Dorian, "Lunch it is. Mr. Chen is waiting for us."

"Ooooh, Chinese! What are we waiting for?" Dorian's grin was contagious.

Rylen looked even more worried, though. "Are you sure you want me to go? I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of an outing."

"You need to eat sometime, Rylen. It'll be better to experience your new sight when you're surrounded by those who understand than when you're alone, don't you think?"

Dorian's face went from cocky to concerned. "Newly awakened? Rylen, what have they done to you?"

"Nothing I didn't explicitly ask for, I assure you. Granted, I didn't realize life would be so… colorful now." He relaxed visibly, looking Dorian over from head to toe. "So far, nothing has been too overwhelming. As long as Alistair keeps a tight grip on Cullen for me, I should be okay."

"Fascinating! Simply fascinating. I can't wait to learn more." Dorian looked like he wanted to put Rylen under a microscope.

Cullen laughed. "Okay, Doc. You can psychoanalyze him while we explain over lunch. There is a lot for us to discuss and Mr. Chen is holding our table. We should go."

"Oh, I just love a good awakening story, and this one proves to be exciting so far." Dorian turned his gaze on Cullen. "Don't get too comfortable with your public displays of affection either, the more you touch, the more ammunition I have for later." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Cullen rolled his eyes. "You're going to make me regret this later, aren't you?"

"Would you expect anything less from me, Amatus?" Dorian snickered, handing Rylen his coat. His expression softened at the Lieutenant's trepidation. "C'mon Rylen, we've got you. Let's go eat."

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Thank you for continuing to follow me on this little journey of mine. I hope you've enjoyed this latest chapter and I appreciate your patience as I took a couple weeks off to write other stuff and spend the holidays with my family.

If you haven't seen it yet - please go check out Chapter 11 of my Cocktails and Cheese One-Shots. It goes hand in hand with this chapter. (well sorta - it's Alistair's thoughts when he pauses at the door before entering Cullen's office, and explains the tenderness of the kiss when he greeted him).  
I knew this chapter wasn't ready to post last week, and I was feeling kinda fluffy - so there ya go.

As always, I want to thank the amazing **Ponticle** for giving me a second set of eyes on this. She keeps me honest, concise, and makes sure my writing doesn't look like my kids wrote it. (She's a damn miracle worker!)


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary:**

Lunchtime with Rylen, Dorian, Alistair, and Cullen.  
Alistair returns to the bar and leaves Dorian and Cullen to start their investigation at the library.

* * *

 **Notes:**

I didn't intend on the library sequence to start off this way, but apparently I had a new character that wanted to make your acquaintance.  
I hope you enjoy!

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 38**

Secrets and Salvation Part 12

* * *

Lunch was comfortably productive. At Cullen's request, Mr. Chen put them in a private back room, allowing for discrete discussion. He served them himself and didn't allow anyone else into the room to interrupt or overhear the delicate matter of their meeting.

The privacy of the room—as well as Alistair's close proximity to Cullen—allowed for Rylen to relax and fully participate without too many distractions. He lingered slightly longer on new textures and tastes, but otherwise, was adjusting to his new sensitivities with ease. All in all, they were able to agree on a plan that they felt confident enough in to move forward with.

One of the things they touched on during the meeting, that surprised Alistair most, was Kieran's incredible magical ability. They discussed the amulet's basic purpose and how it was used to mitigate Kieran's magical overload to avoid self-injury. If possible, Alistair looked more stricken at the knowledge, he began to fidget and look longingly at the door. Not only was his son missing, he was missing without his usual fail-safes in place to protect him and keep his magic under control.

Cullen gently pulled Alistair in for a hug. "He's ok, Alistair. He's going to be ok, too. We won't let anything happen to him. I promise you. He's not defenseless. His magical ability far surpasses Morrigan's and you already admitted how powerful she is."

"But, he's alone ," Alistair said forlornly.

"He's not alone; not entirely. And Urthemiel is just as vested in keeping Kieran alive as we are. It won't let anything happen to him as long as it also inhabits Kieran's body."

"But what happens if Flemeth finds a way to extract the entity; what then? What's going to happen to him?"

"From what I understand, Kieran is a very smart and resourceful boy. I think he gets a little of his wily tenacity from his father, actually." Cullen winked while rubbing soothingly over Alistair's back.

"Now you're just trying to distract and placate me." Alistair scoffed.

"Is it working?"

Alistair leaned in for a quick kiss. "Maybe a little? Even though I think you just called me stubborn." He rested his head on Cullen's shoulder. "Doesn't mean I have to like it, though."

"No, but you did say you trusted me with this."

"I do."

"Then do your best to let this go. Nothing we do right now can change anything. We still don't know where he is, but trust me when I say that we will find him."

Dorian cleared his throat to interject. "That is why you brought me in on this little adventure." He smiled reassuringly then laughed at the startled looks he received from Cullen and Alistair. "Did you two really forget that we were here?" Dorian asked affronted.

Rylen leaned toward Dorian and stage whispered, "It wouldn't be the first time and certainly won't be the last. The world around them seems to disappear when they start looking at each other with those mooneyes."

"I do not have moon- eyes." Cullen sputtered.

"You actually do… a little." Alistair smiled affectionately.

Cullen's expression softened. "You must be a terrible influence on me then." He brushed a finger across Alistair's cheek.

"Are you complaining?" Alistair leaned into Cullen's touch, closing his eyes.

Cullen leaned in, his lips barely brushing over Alistair's. "Never," he whispered before leaning in again.

"See what I mean?" Rylen asked Dorian pointedly. "They've totally forgotten us again. It's disgusting." The glint in his eyes showing amusement rather than malice.

"On the contrary," Dorian responded with a fond smile. "I think it's positively enlightening how these two get wrapped up in their moments together. Reminds me a bit of when Bull and I first started courting. Though, there's probably been less furniture destruction involved in their couplings."

Cullen snorted in laughter. "We certainly haven't broken anyone else's bed with our shenanigans."

"Ah, yes, well. Reparations were paid in that instance, though apparently not enough to suit the aggrieved." Dorian winked at Cullen. "So, uh… why don't we, change the subject, shall we? We have a missing child to locate, and I have to be in the library to start my search. With the amulet in our possession, I just need to see the place where he was last known to be, then I should be able to follow his trail easily."

Alistair looked at his watch and sighed pitifully. "I don't suppose you'll let me tag along, will you?"

Checking his own watch, Cullen chuckled. "Nope," he said popping the p sound. "Lana is expecting you to help prep and open the bar tonight. And if you plan on making it on time, you'll have to leave pretty soon."

"I see how it is... trying to get rid of me all ready."

"You know that's not it, and I promise to make it up to you later." He kissed Alistair on the cheek then addressed the table at large. "We all need to be on the same page here, we're all working toward the same goal. I need one person on the home-front, incase Morrigan comes across anything." He looked pointedly at Alistair. "And while Dorian and I are in the field, I need someone at the station to manage the whole operation and keep everyone in the loop."

"That would be me." Rylen wiped his mouth and laid his napkin on the table. "If we find out anything, I'll let you know."

"If you have any other issues , you let us know too," Cullen said pointedly.

Rylen nodded, then stage whispered at Alistair, "If you haven't noticed yet, he likes to mother hen everyone he thinks he's responsible for."

Alistair chuckled. "I'm getting that impression. I don't suppose we can break him of that habit?"

"If you figure out how, let me know." Rylen winked then stood to go. "Unless there's anything else you need, I'll head back now."

Cullen shook his head, smiling. "No, that's fine. Keep in touch, and we'll do the same. You know the drill."

"Aye, Sir." Rylen gripped Cullen's shoulder briefly and nodded to Dorian and Alistair before heading out the door.

Mr. Chen entered as Rylen left and placed the bill on the table. "Everything to your liking, gentlemen?"

"Everything was wonderful, as always, Mr. Chen. Thank you. And thank you for the use of your back room." Cullen went to reach for the bill and was blocked by Alistair.

"Why don't you let me get it?" Alistair protested.

"Because this was my business lunch and you've already been through enough."

While Alistair and Cullen bickered over the bill, Dorian unobtrusively snatched it from the table and handed it to Mr. Chen with his card. "If we wait for them to solve this matter, we'll be here until your dinner rush. Might as well get it over with while they fight like an old married couple."

Mr. Chen chuckled, then shuffled off, returning a moment later with the receipt for Dorian to sign.

Both Cullen and Alistair looked at him, mouths agape.

Dorian clicked his tongue. "That's what you get when you act like children." He grinned at Mr. Chen, handing him the receipt. "Your hospitality, and cuisine, exceeds expectations, as always."

"Thank you, Dr. Pavus. It's good to see you again and good luck keeping these two in line." Mr. Chen smiled fondly at Cullen and Alistair before taking his leave.

They walked together back to the precinct and Dorian slipped inside to give Cullen a few moments alone with Alistair. When they approached Alistair's mustang, Cullen cupped his face gently pressing their lips together.

"What was that for?" Alistair blinked a bit unsteadily when they pulled apart.

"I couldn't help myself."

"Oh, yeah?"

Cullen grinned bashfully. "Yeah. You're irresistible. I uh… I may also have something else to tell you regarding the meeting with Morrigan this morning."

Alistair groaned. "Oh, no. You led with a kiss; this can't be good."

"On the contrary, I have a feeling you'll like this little bit of information."

"And yet, you waited until we were alone to share it."

Cullen shrugged one shoulder. "I wanted to make sure you had privacy to process it without an audience, but you needn't worry."

"I'm still worried, but you might as well spill the details so I don't drive myself crazy wondering." Alistair chuckled uncomfortably, shifting his weight to the other foot.

"When I talked with Morrigan this morning, I asked her to introduce you to Kieran… as his father."

Alistair's eyes hardened. "And she said?"

Cullen ran his finger over the furrow of Alistair's brow. "She agreed. And from what I understand about the nature of Kieran's magic, they may needus, so there's a very real possibility that you'll get your wish to be a part of his life."

"He may need you, you mean." Alistair's breath caught, his eyes wet with emotion as he leaned into Cullen's embrace.

"Hey, we are a packaged deal. Nothing she says will change that."

Alistair kissed Cullen softly. "You are something else, you know that? What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"When you find out, perhaps I'll find out what I ever did to deserve you . For now, I'm just thankful that you're here to share it all with."

"I love you so much, Cullen."

"I love you too. Now, head to work so Dorian and I can do our jobs." Cullen placed a last kiss on Alistair's lips, then went inside to fetch Dorian.

* * *

Alistair entered the bar and chuckled fondly when he found himself with an armful of Lana. "Hello to you too." He squeezed her tightly then tried to tuck the stray wisp of hair behind her ear. It didn't stay; it rarely did.

"I trust you had a pleasant day?" she said, releasing him from her embrace.

"I did, all things considered. It's nice to actually be doing something. Or well, in this case, to know that something is actually being done." He looked around the bar. "Where's Lel?"

"She's helping to distract Morrigan. She's been putting on a good front, but she really is lost without him."

"I get it," Alistair said. "I haven't even met him yet and I feel so hollow. She's spent every day with him for the last 10 years. I just… can't imagine."

Lana nodded her agreement. "I know what you mean. She was… well, she seemed ok earlier. She's very good at hiding her emotions, even from me. Probably, especially from me." Lana chuckled softly. "Last I heard, they were going shopping to keep busy. You know how my Leli loves her shoes." She rolled her eyes affectionately.

Alistair smiled as he made his way behind the bar then pulled out several trays. "That she does. So is it just you and I tonight?"

Lana nodded. "For the most part. She said she'll be back in time for her nine p.m. performance. We wanted to make sure Morrigan wasn't alone all day, so they planned on going to dinner and maybe catching a movie afterward. We didn't think you'd mind."

Slicing up little cubes of cheese, Alistair used the knife he was using to point out the rarely used machine in the corner. "Nah, it's fine. We have the jukebox for a reason, after all."

"To make us realize how much we appreciate Leli's lilting lyrics?" Lana asked with a cheeky grin.

Alistair groaned audibly. "You worked hard on that alliteration, didn't you?"

"Mmmaayyybe." Lana winked, then looked him up and down continuing to grin.

"What?" he asked, looking down at his shirt. "Do I have food on me or something?"

"No, I just." She paused, her smile softening. "You look happier. I'm glad that you and Cullen have reconciled."

Alistair scoffed. "I'm not sure reconciled is the right term. You meddled and forced me to see reason. Thankfully, he's a very forgiving person." His cheeks turned a dusty shade of pink. "Thank you, by the way. I don't know what I was thinking, but I was stupid to push him away."

She patted him affectionately on the cheek. "Yes, you were. I'm glad you've finally accepted how much you need him. He needs you as well. That's what good relationships are all about: give and take, supporting each other through the tough times, not just the easy ones. It may be all champagne and roses in the beginning, but it doesn't stay that way forever. Challenges happen. It's what we do with those challenges, and how we persevere, that not only make us stronger as individuals, but also brings us closer together as couples."

"This little speed bump may make my relationship with Cullen stronger, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be volunteering for more trouble. These last couple of weeks have been hell." Alistair paused putting away the cheese. "I felt so lost, Lana. I didn't realize I could feel so alone or so… unfocused. I missed him so much."

"I know you did, hun." She said softly as she laid her cheek against his back, wrapping her arms around his waist.

He turned in her arms, a frown etched in his brow as he hugged her back. "Why didn't you make me go talk to him sooner?" he whispered softly.

She suddenly laughed long and hard. At his quirked eyebrow and unamused expression, she exclaimed, "Oh, please! Have you met you? Stubborn only begins to scratch the surface of what you are."

Pushing her away playfully, he grabbed the towel from the counter and swatted her with it. "Hey, be nice!"

"I am nice! It's not my fault that sometimes the truth has to come at you like a freight train before you see it."

"Yeah, yeah. You're very wise."

As afternoons and evenings went, it could have been worse. Between customers, Lana kept Alistair suitably distracted; they discussed Kieran and Cullen in equal amounts. When he started to get antsy, she created some meaningless task to keep him occupied. Leliana showed up a little before nine, her music further helping to soothe and distract him.

As much as the girls were trying to help, the evening was still starting to wear on him. Checking his watch just past eleven, Alistair sighed. He hadn't heard from Cullen all day. Come to think of it, he hadn't heard from Rylen either. He hoped that meant that they'd found a trail. He wanted to believe that after only one day, they would have something to go on. Alistair knew that the more time passed before a missing child was found, the more desperate the situation for that child. His heart ached at the possibility.

* * *

Dorian and Cullen arrived at the library and did a quick perimeter sweep to see if they could spot anything during the day that Cullen wasn't able to see the night before. Finding nothing of import, they made their way to the front doors where the familiar form of the head librarian was waiting for them on the steps.

As they approached, the librarian's face split into surprised grin. Abandoning his post, he practically ran over and enveloped Dorian in a hug. "Dorian! I didn't know that you would be here."

Dorian returned the hug, warmly. "Felix, it's good to see you, my old friend. I'm not actually here on official business, just helping Cullen out with his case."

"Yes. Sad business this is. I can't believe it happened in my library." He turned to Cullen. "Forgive my terrible manners; it's good to see you again, Commander. Anything you need, I am at your disposal. The second floor has been secured, per your officer's request, and the rest of the staff has been sent home. I will, of course, cooperate fully. Should I find out that the boy has gone missing because of any of my staff's negligence, there willbe consequences I assure you. This is a house of safety for scholars—" Felix doubled over coughing.

Dorian caught him before he could fall. "Felix, you know better than to let yourself get worked up. It will do you no good and we need you calm so that you can help us." He rubbed Felix's back soothingly as the wracking cough subsided.

Cullen looked on helplessly. "Thank you, Felix. I'm sure this incident had nothing to do with your team's negligence. We believe we know who took him, I just hope we'll be able to find something inside to point us toward where he might have been taken."

Finally having caught his breath, Felix wiped his mouth with a cloth, hiding the blood tinged stains on the inside as he pocketed it once more. Dorian wasn't fooled. "It's getting worse?"

Felix shrugged noncommittally. "Not worse, but not better, either. You were right, I shouldn't have let myself get over excited." At Dorian's pitying gaze he squared his shoulders. "I'm fine , Dorian, don't look at me like this is your fault. You weren't even there when I was exposed to this, but you were the one to halt its progression."

"But I couldn't cure it." Dorian looked away, ashamed.

"No, but I am alive today because of you ." Felix grabbed Dorian by the shoulders and looked into his eyes. "My health hasn't changed, and won't change. So let's move onto something we can impact and try to find Kieran. I'm assuming your impeccable tracking skills are why you were brought in?"

"Damnit, Felix. Only you could make me feel better by stroking my ego." Dorian laughed.

"I'm pretty sure anyone stroking your ego would have worked. All it takes is a couple of well placed compliments and your already over inflated sense of self simply preens at the attention," Cullen teased while winking at Felix.

"All right, you two. We've got work to do and last I checked it was more important than teasing me."

Felix smiled knowingly and led them up the stairs to unlock the door. "I wondered about the nature of the disappearance when I heard about it. We've housed Morrigan and her son several times over the last few years. They've always been respectful in their research and studies. I've never seen a child more thirsty for knowledge."

Cullen raised an eyebrow. "Interesting." He looked at Dorian. "Not a word to Alistair on that until we find him. He's already kicking himself enough over this, he doesn't need to know that his son has been this close to him over the years. I don't know what it would do to him."

Dorian nodded. "He's your boyfriend. I'm just here to add my charm, wit, and unparalleled tracking abilities." Turning to Felix he added, "There is something you may be able to help me with, my friend."

"Anything," Felix answered earnestly as he led them to the second floor.

"I need all the information you're able to dig up on Flemeth."

"The Witch of the Wilds?" he asked incredulously.

"Oh good, you've heard of her. That will make this much easier. Yes, that Flemeth. I've brought a couple of tomes with me as well." He indicated the satchel at his side. "I haven't been able to find anything in them yet, though, but no one is as good at research as you are."

He looked at Cullen. "Felix's talents are geared more toward finding things in the written word. This could be very helpful."

Felix cleared his throat with embarrassment. "I will do what I can, of course. Is there anything specific you wish to know about her?"

Dorian looked at Cullen, who nodded his permission. "Anything regarding children, regeneration, eternal youth; specifically using someone else's soul to do so."

Felix looked horrified, gulped audibly, and nodded. "Um… ok. Anything else?"

"Yes. Not specifically about Flemeth, but if you can find us any information about Urthemiel, that might be helpful too."

"Isn't that one of the old gods? You think it has something to do with the child's abduction?"

"At this point, anything is possible. So please, if you would, your assistance on this matter would be most helpful."

Felix nodded solemnly then showed them the area where Kieran was last seen studying. Once he was sure they didn't need him for the moment, he excused himself to go access the archive computer in the center of the room.

"I trust that you have a good reason for bringing someone else into my investigation, Dorian." Cullen looked skeptical, but open to whatever Dorian had planned.

"If it was anyone other than Felix, I wouldn't have. You know that."

Cullen nodded. "I just don't want anyone else getting hurt for being involved. We're playing with some pretty heavy hitters here."

"I know, and Felix can handle it. He may not be magically skilled, but we practically grew up together. There are less than a handful of people I would trust with my life, Cullen. You, Bull, and Felix hold the top three spots. Now stop wasting time, hand me the amulet, go do your detectiveystuff, and leave me to my tracking."

"Thank you, Dorian." Cullen clapped a hand firmly on his shoulder, holding his gaze.

Waving a hand in the air, Dorian brushed his hand off and grumbled, "Yeah, yeah. You'll owe me one, you big sap. Now get to work, we're burning daylight."

* * *

 **End Notes:**

As always, I want to thank the amazing **Ponticle** for giving me a second set of eyes on this. She keeps me honest, concise, and makes sure my writing doesn't look like my kids wrote it. (She's a damn miracle worker!)


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary:**

Dorian makes a discovery, plans are made, things are packed, and good news is shared!

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 39**

Secrets and Salvation Part 13

* * *

 **(Thursday Afternoon Cont.)**

Dorian approached the little round table where Kieran was last seen and let his eyes lose focus. He walked the circumference of it three times —widdershins—with his fingers lightly ghosting over the polished wood. He murmured the appropriate archaic words directing his focus and intent then climbed up on top and sat crossed legged in the middle of it. Amulet in hand and head bowed, Dorian took several deep breaths before closing his eyes; brows knit together in concentration.

Cullen watched Dorian settle into his meditation, ever impressed at how quickly and efficiently he went to work. He felt the magic swirl around them as Dorian gathered what he needed. It wasn't an uncomfortable feeling; not anymore. Dorian's magic had become familiar, almost comforting in its presence.

Thinking of Rylen's new abilities and the various colors he saw in people, Cullen considered how different magics felt to him. He'd experienced magic that felt hot, cold, soothing, and exhilarating. Tainted mages and bloodmages tended to have a slimy feel to their magic whereas Lana's soft, healing magic felt like a gentle caress over his skin. Morrigan's magic, however, was unlike anything he'd ever encountered before. The little bit that he'd been around was like a punch to his chest; simultaneously sucking the breath out of him and replacing it with the force of a hurricane. It was intense and primal, but yet, somehow still felt contained and well controlled.

He shuddered to think that if that's how Morrigan's magic felt, what exactly would Kieran's magic feel like when he came into contact with it? Would he be able to handle it? Would he be able to keep it together to do the job he needed to? Or, would he succumb to his past and be overwhelmed when they needed him most?

Cullen shook his head to clear it of those inauspicious thoughts. He had Dorian and Alistair at his back; there was no one else he trusted more to be there with him and get him through. Whatever they were about to face, be it wild magic, demons, darkspawn, or old gods, he vowed to stand his ground and do what needed to be done. There was too much riding on this and no room for his self doubt or mental flagellation.

Squaring his shoulders, Cullen focused, once again, on the room around him. He was here to do a job: search for clues and find anything that might lead them to Kieran's location. At first glance, he didn't see much: the small window where Kieran stashed the amulet was slightly ajar, there were also some books on the table that Kieran had been perusing before he was taken. Felix mentioned that Kieran was at the library studying; those books reflected as much. There were collected histories of Ferelden, Orlais, Tevinter, Antiva; nothing that would hint to what happened or why he was suddenly rest of the room looked much like every other library Cullen had ever been in.

Cullen took pictures of everything he saw, even though most of it didn't point at anything specific. But maybe… just maybe, Felix, Rylen, or even Morrigan would see something in the pictures that he did not.

At the sharp intake of breath from Dorian, Cullen rushed to his side. He knew better than to touch him when he was tracking. Any interference could hinder the spell. He watched as Dorian slowly climbed to his feet, eyes open yet unseeing; well, not seeing the same things they were seeing anyway. He stepped confidently off the table and began to head toward the back of the room.

"Felix," Cullen called. "He found something."

Felix looked up and watched them head behind the stacks toward the back corner of the room. "Ok, well, let me know if you need me for anything."

"Uh… Felix?" Cullen sounded perplexed. "Dorian has stopped, but he's facing a blank wall. Any suggestions?"

When Felix joined them, Dorian was staring at the wall quietly, expectantly.

With a sheepish ducking of his head, Felix pulled a hidden lever behind an ancient tome which opened the heretofore invisible door Dorian had been facing.

"Where does this lead?" Cullen asked as he watched Dorian glide smoothly through the door and descend the narrow stairwell.

"It goes down to the archives in the basement. This was an old escape route from the days when mages were persecuted for their abilities."

Cullen nodded. "Is there another hidden door at the bottom? Will we need you to help Dorian get through to follow his trail?" Cullen asked, as he stepped into the stairwell to be able to watch Dorian's progress.

"Not on this side, the door at the bottom has a regular handle. Just make sure you prop it open so you can find it again easily. If you forget, or if you need me to join you, there is a bell just inside the room that will ring up here. Just pull the chord and I'll come down. If it's ok, I'd like to get back to my research. I've found a few things on youthful regeneration that might prove useful."

"Thank you, Felix." Cullen started down the narrow passageway, lit only by emergency lights built into the stairs. He caught up with Dorian just as he reached the door at the bottom. He paused before the closed door until Cullen opened it for him. Dorian navigated the stacks of bookshelves until he came to a tall, dusty shape in the back corner of the room. There was an old canvas tarp draped haphazardly over the top that looked like it had been rearranged recently.

Cullen pulled the covering from the oblong shape to reveal a free standing, ornate mirror.

Dorian stopped in front of the mirror as he'd done twice before when his passage was blocked by closed doors.

Feeling no magical energy emanating from the mirror, Cullen returned to the doorway and rang the bell for Felix.

Several minutes later, Felix's hurried steps approached. "Commander?" he called from the entryway.

"Over here in the corner," Cullen called out. "It looks like Dorian's found something, but it looks to be just an old mirror."

Felix rounded the corner and gasped at Dorian standing quietly facing the mirror. "That's… that's not just a mirror. That's an eluvian, Commander."

"An eluvian?" Cullen questioned. "I vaguely remembered learning about them in school, but I don't remember the details."

"Until now, we'd assumed it was broken. No one has ever figured out how to open it or make it work. We've had scholars and mages alike trying to figure it out over the years." Felix's voice held thinly veiled scorn. "This was my father's life's work, he loved this damn mirror more than anything; more than my mother, more than myself."

They both looked at Dorian, standing patiently in front of it, as if it were a door simply waiting to be opened for him.

"Do you think… Do you think whoever is behind the kidnapping found a way to activate it and took him through?"

"Anything is possible, Felix. I won't rule it out simply because I'm not aware of it being done before. And since it looks like this is where the trail ends, there's no sense in Dorian remaining under the influence of his spell either." Stepping between Dorian and the mirror, Cullen placed one hand gently over the locket Dorian was holding and his other solidly on his shoulder before shaking him gently. "Dorian. End of the line, my friend."

Blinking slowly, Dorian began to focus on Cullen. "Did we find out anything interesting?" He asked, exhaustion weighing heavy on his shoulders.

"I think we have. What do you know about eluvians?" He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb.

"Quite a lot actually; why?" Dorian looked past Cullen and his eyes widened in surprise. "Felix… I need to get Felix."

"I'm right here, Dor."

Dorian spun and locked eyes with Felix. "Is that...?"

"The same one."

"Shit."

"Yup, pretty much." Felix fidgeted nervously.

Dorian looked at Cullen, distress written plainly on his face. "This was Gereon Alexius' pride and joy. It was the focus of years of study for him and, ultimately, me as well."

"Why you?" Cullen asked.

"Because, Felix's father was my mentor—my teacher—and this… was his obsession. It ended up killing him in the end."

Cullen took a step back from the mirror, pulling Dorian with him.

Dorian chuckled darkly. "Not like that . The research, the study; it consumed him. All he wanted was to figure out how to make this work; how to open the door to wherever it leads. He would do anything to further his research. In the end, he committed horrible atrocities, he alienated his friends and family, and finally, he went too far. He enlisted the help of some very unsavory individuals and they were his undoing."

Dorian ran his fingers over the ornate gold filigree framing the glass-lost in thought, lost to the past.

Both Dorian and Cullen startled when Felix cleared his throat. "Um…?" he said hesitantly.

"Yes, Felix?" Dorian raised an eyebrow.

"If your tracking spell ended here, that means… the mirror works. My father wasn't wrong this whole time."

Dorian looked over the mirror with renewed interest. "I guess you're right. So?"

"Well, when he died, not only did I inherit the mirror… I have all of his research notes as well. Maybe there's something in there that might help?"

"Felix, you're a genius! A beautiful, resourceful, amazing—" Each word was accompanied by loud kisses alternating on Felix's cheeks.

Pushing Dorian away with an uncomfortable laugh, Felix wiped the wet from his cheeks. "Yuck, Dorian! You know I hate it when you do that. Now c'mon, let's go back upstairs, I'll bring you his notes and we'll see what we can find out. I have a very good feeling about this!"

Felix led them upstairs and, after a few minutes, came back with a box full of tomes and a laptop. Clearing a space on the table, they got to work digging through several decades worth of notes and documentation.

After five hours of compiling potentially useful information, Felix closed his laptop and rubbed his eyes. "I need a break and I'm hungry," he grumbled.

Dorian and Cullen barely looked up from their respective tomes.

Felix laughed. "I'm going to go get us food. You two just… keep at it." He started to walk away then stopped suddenly to pick up the amulet that was laying face-down in front of Dorian. "Hey, Dor?"

"Hmmm?" Dorian replied, then startled when Felix thrust his hand with the amulet between the book and his nose.

Felix indicated the engravings on the back. "Do these markings look familiar to you?"

Dorian squinted, grabbing the amulet from Felix and pulling it closer to his face.

Cullen snickered. "Feeling your age there, my friend?"

"Oh, shut up, Amatus. There's writing here… but it's so worn down. The lettering is—" Dorian stood up quickly, knocking his chair over backwards, then bolted for the secret door. "Felix!" He shouted. "I'm going to need a really bright light; hurry!"

Once back at the mirror, with both Cullen and Felix holding flashlights strategically at the eluvian, Dorian's fingers expertly searched over its ornate engravings. The swirls and intricate designs matched those on the ancient amulet. "When I was a boy, I used to imagine that these engravings were words," Dorian explained. "But they were sporadic and nonsensical. A single word here and there, but none of them made sense when put together, no matter how hard I tried. I was just learning to read the dead language of the old gods at the time. Gereon used to tell me that I was spending too much time with my nose in my books because I was starting to see the words everywhere."

"I remember that," Felix said. "You used to make the letters out of your noodles and spell out words; mealtime was quite messy with you around. Dad used to tease you because you were so excited about decoding and mastering something he only had a rudimentary knowledge of."

"He gave me enough to get started." Dorian paused, then gasped, "Look here!" He traced the lines of a long dead alphabet hidden amongst the scrolling. "This translates roughly to mean- key. "

Cullen stood, staring at the mirror in awe. "It needs a key to open. That's why your father could never get it to work." Cullen sighed, "Well that's just fucking great; we have a direction and a doorway between us to where we need to be, with no way to open it."

Dorian nodded absently, still searching for more words. " Time... " He translated from the bottom left corner. Finding several other words, Dorian's face split with a grin. "On the contrary, my friend. I think we have everything we need right here." He became very animated as he explained. "The amulet is the key. Gereon was never able to open the doorway, because he never possessed the amulet. From what I can gather by the wording on the mirror and the faded inscription on the amulet. The door only opens once a cycle and only if the key is in proximity."

"But we found the key all the way upstairs. How could they have used it to get through if Kieran left it so far away?" Cullen asked.

Dorian's brow furrowed, thinking. "Hmmm. You said that the amulet was the tool Kieran used to contain his excess magic, correct?"

Cullen nodded. "It's his overflow receptacle-his focus."

Felix began to grin. "So either Kieran got through because he is connected to the amulet, and therefore, he is himself a key..."

"Or …" Dorian finished for him. "Because the person who took him was so magically powerful, that they didn't need the key to get through at all."

Cullen shuddered at the concept, but swallowed down his fear to ask, "Okay, so we have the key to get through. What were you saying about it opening? And how do we know when it's going to open next?"

"On the sixteenth hour…" Dorian translated from the scrollwork. "Kieran was taken at what time?"

"Ten in the morning." Cullen and Felix answered together.

Dorian closed his eyes and mumbled quietly to himself, then looked at his watch. "Two a.m. then again at six in the evening. It's almost ten now. Kaffas! I didn't realize it was so late."

"Only four hours until the next opening," Cullen lamented. "I want to say we should go through as soon as possible, but with what we're facing…" Cullen shook his head, conflicted.

Dorian placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's been a very long day. We may have all that we need to get through that door, but who knows what we'll face on the other side. I say we rest tonight and regroup tomorrow. I have a little more research I'd like to do in the morning and you still need to assemble the team for this mission."

Cullen opened his mouth to protest when Dorian leveled his gaze at him. "Do you really think Alistair is going to let you go in there without him? Or Morrigan for that matter?"

Cullen shook his head, dropping his gaze.

"Exactly," Dorian said smugly. "Let's button this up tonight and get me home so you can go break the good news to your loverboy."

Cullen rolled his eyes, then sighed. "Shit, I forgot to check in with Alistair and Rylen."

"Well, in your defense, we didn't really have anything to share until now. You can call Rylen on the way to your apartment to drop me off and then share the news with Alistair in person. I'm sure after this breakthrough, he'll forgive you for not keeping him updated." Dorian winked. "Your reward, in person, will be that much sweeter."

* * *

Cullen entered the precinct with a purpose. After seeing Dorian to the apartment and filling his duffel bag with his gear, he was met with a driving desire to get to Alistair's. On the drive over, he'd filled Rylen in on what was going on and sent him home for the evening. He'd promised Alistair an update too and felt guilty for not providing one. Their findings were much more promising than any of them had hoped they would be on the first day. He agreed with Dorian's suggestion to share the news with Alistair in person. That meant he needed to collect his things so he could get there as soon as possible.

Entering his office, Cullen dropped his half empty bag on his desk. He opened the locked gear cabinet in the corner and extracted his kevlar vest with silverite lining, several holsters, guns, and full magazines to go with them. He quickly and efficiently dropped each item into the bag. When it came to the fight coming up, Cullen would rather be over-prepared, than find out too late that he hadn't packed enough firepower.

Once he re-locked the cabinet, Cullen grabbed his sword and scabbard from their place of honor on the wall and wrapped them together in the blessed cloth he used for transport. Placing his bundle carefully inside the duffel bag, he grabbed the leather sword care kit from inside his desk and added it to the collection before securing the zipper and looking around. There wasn't anything else he could do here. With a resigned breath, Cullen shouldered his burden.

The fade… we're going into the fade. How do I get myself into these things?

Before he called to check in with Rylen, Dorian informed Cullen that the eluvian led into the crossroads-a part of the fade. It took him a few minutes to process, to focus, but ultimately, he was able to keep his panic under control. Both Cullen and Dorian agreed that he was ready for this. The last time he'd been face to face with anything on the demon realm, it nearly broke him. But that was a long time ago-and this time, he had backup. Backup he trusted and backup that he knew could see everything that he could see. He wasn't going in alone - and he wouldn't be coming back out alone either.

Reassuring himself that he could do this, he piled his belongings into the Jeep and made his way to the bar.

Arriving at Alistair's, Cullen quietly slipped upstairs to deposit his armor and bag. Sneaking back down the stairs, he made his way toward the bar, unable to keep the grin from his face.

* * *

 **Thursday Night (almost midnight)**

Alistair was furiously scrubbing away at the top of the bar when Lana's face suddenly lit up. "What is it? What's happened?" he asked.

"You'll see!" she said cheekily, while quickly walking off to deliver a couple of drinks.

He watched her saunter off, his mouth hanging open in disbelief, when Cullen rounded the corner from the backroom with a huge grin on his face.

All at once, all of the pent up energy of the evening came rushing back to him. He'd been doing a fair job of trying to distract himself from the case. Granted, there were a few spots on the bar that may have been scrubbed through and now needed to be revarnished; but he did manage to keep his phone in his pocket and not bug Rylen for updates-mostly. He may have called in during his dinner break to see if he'd heard anything new. But that was reasonable… wasn't it?

Now, looking at Cullen walking in looking like the cat that swallowed the pigeon, Alistair couldn't contain it any longer. Cullen looked too pleased with himself. He had to have found something. Vaulting over the bar, Alistair couldn't help the returning smile on his face as he wrapped his arms around Cullen's waist. "Please tell me you have good news!"

Cullen winked at Lana over his shoulder, then back at Alistair. "Ok. I have good news."

Alistair waited with a raised eyebrow, but Cullen kept a straight face and said nothing more. "Hey, being a smart ass is my job!" He poked Cullen in the ribs then relaxed into his embrace, laying his head on Cullen's shoulder with a heavy sigh. "You never checked in. Rylen told me not to worry, that sometimes you get wrapped up in your work, but still..."

"I'm sorry about that, love. We were so engrossed in our research-and I know it's not a good excuse-but I just lost track of time. Will you forgive me?" Cullen looked duly repentant.

"That depends." Alistair leaned in for a quick kiss. "Tell me some good news and we'll see."

Gazing into Alistair's eyes, Cullen caressed the skin just underneath with his thumb, carefully cradling his cheek then pulled him in for another kiss. "Can you get someone else to run the bar on short notice?" he breathed, eyes twinkling. "We found where he is, Alistair. We found where she took him, and we're going to go get your son tomorrow."

Alistair's breath hitched at the use of the word son. "Why can't we go now?"

"Alistair, you're wearing an apron."

"Well, that's easy to take off and Lana will cover the bar, let me get my gear and we can—." Alistair began to untie his apron when Cullen's hand wrapped around his wrist.

"We can't go yet." At Alistair's crestfallen look, he amended, "It's not that I don't want to."

Alistair cocked his head to the side, perplexed. "Why not? Look, Cullen. If anything happens to him while I'm here sitting on my hands, I'll never be able to forgive myself." His eyes hardened with determination.

Cullen sighed, rubbing his hands soothingly over Alistair's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Al. It's not really my choice. We found a door that will lead us to him, but it only opens every sixteen hours and only when this is next to it." Cullen pulled the amulet from his pocket and flipped it over running his thumb over the faded embossing. "Turns out, Kieran's amulet is also the key for us to get in."

Alistair carefully extracted the necklace from Cullen's grasp. "Sixteen hours? So, when will it open, next?"

"By Dorian's calculations, we need to be in position ready to go tomorrow at eighteen hundred hours."

Alistair thought for a moment. "Six o'clock? But, that's more than sixteen hours from now."

"I know." Cullen sighed, pulling Alistair to his chest. "But, we won't be ready for what we're going to face at two a.m. We need more time to get ready and we're going to need our rest."

"I got rest, Cullen. I'm ready now. We need to find Kieran, I have to—"

Lana laid a hand on Alistair's back. "Alistair, stop." She frowned at him. "Cullen is right. You need time to plan and you need to be well rested. You may have gotten sleep last night, but Cullen looks like he's ready to fall over. Six o'clock gives you time to make that happen. Use your head in this, doing otherwise won't help you-or Kieran." She gave him a stern look, then excused herself to go behind the bar.

Alistair's head drooped in resignation. "You're both right, of course. Doesn't mean I have to like it." He looked into Cullen's eyes. "You do look exhausted. I'm sorry that I pushed. I just worry about him and waiting doesn't feel like it's getting us any closer."

"I know, love. But, it's better that we wait and go in prepared, than to rush in now and fail because we didn't see something obvious. He means too much to us, to rush into this half cocked."

"To us?" Alistair tried to hide his small smile.

"Yes, to us. He's a part of you. How can I not love him and want to protect him just as fiercely as I do you? That's what families do."

Alistair scoffed, " Your family maybe."

Cullen pulled Alistair back to his chest and lay their foreheads together. "You are my family. Which means, he is too."

Alistair took a few deep breaths, trying to contain his emotions from Cullen's declaration. When he finally had his voice under control, Alistair said, "I still have a couple of hours before we close this place down for the night. There's no sense in you being bored down here, when you could be getting some well deserved rest upstairs. I know I've said it before, but thank you-for everything."

"You are most welcome, my love. And as for sleep… I don't think… " Cullen closed his eyes, took a breath, then tried again. "I'd actually rather just wait for you. We have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow, and I haven't spent nearly enough time with you lately. So, if you don't mind, I'll just go sit in my corner and drool over this amazingly hot bartender that I know."

"Now you're just trying to soften me up so I'll pull down the top shelf scotch for you."

"You always give me Johnny Walker Blue and you know it. You've spoiled me to anything else. Pretty soon, I'm going to sound like Dorian with his impeccable tastes and fashionable shoes."

Alistair snorted. "Still doesn't mean I'm going to give you the cheap stuff. You're worth more than that to me."

Cullen smiled. "I'm glad to hear it." Gently taking the amulet from Alistair's hand, he tucked it back into his coat pocket.

Relinquishing the trinket, Alistair asked quietly, "I know you said that we're going to plan tomorrow but, can you tell me where the door leads? Do we know what's on the other side?"

Cullen paused only briefly, looking around to make sure they wouldn't be overheard. "You'll feel right at home there." He tried for encouraging, but his tone was strained.

"Shit," Alistair said. "We're crossing the veil aren't we?"

"Yes, yes we are."

Alistair seemed to perk up at that. "Well, we don't need to wait until tomorrow night to do that! You have a Warden with you; we can still get the sleep you require tonight and go through first thing in the—"

Cullen shook his head. "No. Even if we did cross here, only the doorway will take us where we need to go. Otherwise, we'll be wandering aimlessly... and from what I understand, the other side of the veil is a vast wasteland, finding someplace specific is near impossible."

Alistair's enthusiasm faded again. "Shit, you're right. I know you're right… but, he's-he's so little, Cullen… and he's all alone… I just… I hate to think of him there…"

Cullen swallowed audibly. "I know, hun."

"I just can't imagine what he's going through right now…" added Alistair. "I remember my first time in the fade. It is… a horrifying place. I've been there enough times to know how scary and confusing it can be."

"I wish I could tell you something to make this easier for you," said Cullen. "I wish all our pieces were in place and we were ready to go right now. But wishing doesn't always make something so."

They sighed together-blinking and breathing.

Eventually, Cullen cleared his throat. "I don't know if it makes a difference, but the mirror will take us into the crossroads, actually. From what Dorian says, it's… similar to the fade, a part of it, yet-not."

Alistair nodded. "He's right, in fact, the veil between the crossroads and the fade is thinner there than it is here. There is still likely to be demons and darkspawn, but Kieran won't likely encounter as many as he would were he fully in the fade."

Cullen smiled reassuringly. "Another reason to trust that Kieran will be ok until we get there. Tonight we'll rest, Dorian has some more research he wants to do in the morning, then tomorrow afternoon, we'll all gather to solidify our plans and head out."

"Where are we going? Where is the door located?" Alistair asked, still not wanting to let it go.

"It's in the basement of the library."

Alistair nodded.

Lana hung up the phone and rejoined them. "Shifts are covered for tomorrow. Leli and I are coming too."

Alistair stuttered, "A-Are you sure? Lana, you haven't been in the field since—"

"That doesn't matter. I agree with Cullen, Kieran is family ." Lana said vehemently. "We are well aware of the dangers and we're still coming with you."

"Alistair, dear, you're not going without us, so you might as well just accept it now." Leliana emerged suddenly behind Alistair causing him to squeak in surprise.

Regaining his composure, Alistair addressed Cullen, "You know, you don't have to go in either."

Cullen smirked. "I think you're outnumbered on this one, love. You're not getting rid of me that easily. And besides, do you really want to go in there without us at your back? You would be all alone with Morrigan."

Alistair shuddered. "Point taken."

"I may not have made a career of fighting behind the veil, but toe to toe, you and I are well matched. As I understand it, the crossroads are unpredictable, I wouldn't turn away anyone's skills at this point. We're going to need all hands on deck. My gear is already upstairs; the four of us can meet in the morning to begin to prepare and Dorian will join us later."

Alistair suddenly grinned. "Oooh, did you bring the skirt?

"It's not a skirt!" Cullen laughed with exasperation, then winked. "And you'll just have to wait to find out. Why? Do you feel like dancing the remigold for me tonight?

"I just might." Alistair felt lighter than he'd felt in a while. There was hope, and with hope came the chance that he would finally be able to meet his son.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

We are getting down to the nitty gritty. The next few chapters will wrap up this little adventure. Secrets will be revealed and Salvation will be found as well. I can't wait to share it with you!

I can't even begin to express how much I appreciate every single one of you! Some of you have been with me from the beginning of this little epic tale, others have joined in along the way. Your comments and support have kept me going. I always knew where this story was going to end up; I didn't anticipate all of the wonderful adventures we'd have along the way. My sweet **Ponticle** has earned my eternal gratitude for helping me along this journey. I think she signed on for a story that, at the time, was only twenty-one chapters long, I swear I didn't mean to almost double this on us. And there are still about 20 more chapters left planned on this little journey too. (crap - that means I've tripled it!)

But first, we shall finish up our Secrets & Salvations. Then take a little break before jumping into Mishaps & Misfortune and wrapping these boys up in a pile of fluff called Pleasure & Proposal! What a freaking amazing ride! :)  
Thank you all-so very much!


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary:**

Are you ready for the rabbit hole? Because here we go!  
This chapter has fluff, smut, sparing, and a cliffhanger I hope you will forgive me for.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **WARNING:** This chapter NSFW! (you're welcome)  
Also, caution for panic attack/flashback caused by past trauma.  
(this is at the very end of this chapter and will be dissected more next chapter.)

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 40**

Secrets and Salvation Part 14

* * *

At a quarter to two, the last of the customers exited the bar, allowing them to close for the night. With such a big day ahead of them, they all pitched in to make cleanup quicker.

Setting the last of the glasses next to the sink of soapy water, Cullen wrapped his arms around Alistair's waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. "What else I can do to help so we can get out of here quicker?"

"Why?" Alistair asked, amused. "Is there someplace we're required to be?"

"Required? No." Cullen placed a featherlight kiss just under and behind Alistair's ear. "But, I've missed you and can't wait to get you alone," he whispered softly.

Alistair closed his eyes and leaned into Cullen's embrace. Turning, he trailed his hands up Cullen's chest, letting one come to rest on his shoulder, the other cupping the back of his neck before pulling him into an unhurried kiss. The repeated soft brush of lips: gentle, tender, and sweet; silently promising more things to come through the ardent exchange. Feeling Cullen go pliant in his arms, Alistair chuckled darkly and deepened the kiss.

Before their affections became too obscene, Lana cleared her throat pointedly—cheeks flaming red—while Leliana giggled behind her. "You boys are more than welcome to take that upstairs, you know. Some of us don't need to bear witness."

Realizing their faux pas, Alistair and Cullen responded in unison, "Sorry, Lana." then looked at each other, grinning sheepishly.

Eyes softening, Lana chuckled. "You seriously forgot we were here, didn't you?"

Alistair shrugged one shoulder, while Cullen studied his shoes, their fingers still intertwined.

"And I bet you both forgot that when you get so… enthused … you project your desires quite vividly, making them harder for me to blockout?" She moved resolutely behind the bar, shifting them away from the sink.

Cullen's ears turned bright red as he buried his nose in Alistair's neck; both of them barely stifling their laughter.

"Since you're both past the beginning awkward stages, I'm going to do you a favor." She looked from one to the other pointedly, as she took over washing the glasses. "You both want the same thing and I don't need the visuals." She tapped her foot in fond annoyance. "So, before you scar me further, get out of here. Go upstairs… do whatever you're going to do. Leli and I will finish here and lock up."

"Ouch, oooh. Twist my arm," Alistair replied then gave Lana a grateful hug. "So, before we go to… caboodle." He grinned at Lana's uncomfortable shifting. "Should we meet back here in the morning for the usual pre-game warm-ups ?"

Leliana snickered, "You sure you'll be able to walk?"

Alistair threw his apron at her. "I thought you didn't want the details."

"On the contrary." Leliana eyed them mischievously. " Lana doesn't like the details… I, however, am quite fond of them. You two go play, we can gossip details in the morning." She winked, tossing the apron back at Alistair who hung it up on its hook behind the bar.

After a quick good night, Alistair grabbed Cullen's hand and led him upstairs. He knew Cullen had to be tired; the three and half hours sleep he'd gotten the night before couldn't possibly have been enough. As much as he was craving the intimacy, he needed to be sure that he wasn't pushing him too far. "Cullen?" He asked, barely getting the word out before Cullen was on him.

"Mmm?" Cullen hummed as he placed soft kisses up Alistair's neck while nudging him gently toward the bedroom.

"Are you sure I shouldn't be tucking you into bed so you can get some sleep?"

"Bed sounds wonderful… are you tired?" Cullen grinned as he cupped the growing bulge in the front of Alistair's jeans.

He groaned, pressing into the friction. "Me?" he managed to squeak out breathlessly. "Well, no, not really, but you haven't…" Alistair gasped when Cullen nipped playfully at his ear.

"Then… play now, sleep later." Cullen soothed, gazing lovingly into Alistair's eyes. "I'm fine, I promise. I want this. I want you." He cupped Alistair's cheek, placing another soft kiss on the corner of Alistair's mouth. "There is nothing I want more than to make love to you tonight. Is that okay?"

Alistair searched his gaze and, satisfied with his findings, pulled Cullen in for a searing kiss.

That was all the permission Cullen needed. He was relentless, driven. Between the front door and their bed, he divested them of most of their clothes. His hands frantically searching and caressing. Alistair's mouth— Maker, his mouth— felt like it was devouring him whole.

Backing Alistair up against the side of the bed, Cullen unbuttoned his jeans while kissing his way strategically down his chest, nipping playfully at each nipple as he went. Landing unceremoniously on his knees, Cullen pealed the tight denim down Alistair's muscular thighs, freeing his now engorged cock from its confines.

Looking up through thick lashes, Cullen licked his lips and smiled tentatively as his hands caressed the wirey contours of Alistair's legs. "I haven't been able to touch you like this in far too long. Tomorrow is uncertain. Though, I have confidence in our collective abilities, events like this can easily go astray. I don't want there to be any doubt how much I love you, should this be my last chance to show you."

Pulling Cullen to his feet, Alistair whispered against his lips, "I have no doubts; not anymore. And it won't be our last chance, Cullen." With a kiss to prove it, Alistair stepped out of his jeans and unfastened the buckle on Cullen's belt. "But since you're offering to show me..."

Cullen's grin lit up his face. With a sultry wink, he pushed Alistair onto the bed. "You might as well get comfortable then. We have some lost time to make up for."

He stood transfixed as Alistair got comfortable: legs stretched out—parted slightly in invitation-hands tucked comfortably behind his head propped up on several pillows, and a smug expression on his face. The quirk of Alistair's eyebrow both inviting and amused as he waited. "No one ever looks at me the way you do," Alistair said, suddenly a bit distracted.

"And how is that?" Cullen brought his eyes up to meet Alistair's and found them not quite as confident as they'd been a moment before.

"Like I'm something precious," Alistair whispered, closing his eyes against his embarrassment, then opening them again with a small smile.

Crawling slowly up the bed, Cullen lay a trail of kisses as he worked his way over Alistair's body. "Oh, but you are , my love. So very perfect. So incredibly precious. I thank the Maker every day for bringing you into my life. Even before we became an us, being able to just spend time with you brought me so much happiness; it's more than I ever could have wished for." He slotted himself between Alistair's legs and paused, hovering just above his body. Letting their erections lightly brush together, he received a sharp hiss followed by an unamused glare. "There he is," Cullen grinned.

"What are you talking about?" Alistair bantered, his hips seeking more contact, which Cullen denied him.

"That beautiful sass." Cullen bit softly under Alistair's chin. "The man I fell in love with: so full of confidence, strength… and amazing amounts of sass." He placed open mouth kisses on Alistair's collarbone, working his way over to his shoulder. He finally thrust down, grinding their rigid cocks together before lifting off again, teasing. "You have to know, Al. You are my everything."

With Alistair pulling at his shoulders, Cullen finally relented, laying flush with his body, shoulder to shoulder, cock to cock, hip to hip. He closed his eyes, savoring the sensation as he leaned down to capture Alistair's lips with his own.

Perfect!

That night, they clung to each other like a lifeline. Kisses gentle and sweet, slowly building with quiet intensity. They took their time, bodies eventually melding together as one; in adoration, in need. Cullen didn't know where Alistair left off and he began, and he didn't care. At the moment, nothing else mattered. Making love to Alistair was more beautiful than anything else could ever compare to. It was slow, sensual-pure. They bared their souls to one another while their bodies writhed and intertwined; reconnecting to be once again whole.

They fell asleep afterward wrapped in each other's arms; clean, content, and sated, with their hearts full and at peace.

* * *

Cullen woke to an empty bed and the sounds of sparring in the other room: wood connecting with metal, Alistair's telltale grunts and shouts joined by two familiar female voices. Checking his watch, it was five minutes to nine a.m.— shit, I slept in! Groaning to himself, he scrubbed his hands down his face before crawling out of bed.

He took a few moments to relieve himself, brush his teeth, and put on a pair of shorts. Then Cullen grabbed his phone to call into work.

Rylen answered on the first ring, "Good morning, Sir. Nine a.m. on the dot."

"Like clockwork. I know, I know." Cullen smiled into the phone. "Anything I need to know for today?"

"No, we went over everything last night. You're all set." There was a pause on the line before Rylen asked, "Sir, are you sure you don't need me to come with you?"

Cullen sighed. "I'm sorry, Rylen; not this time. What we will be facing is unlike anything even I have faced before. I would rather work with you to gauge the extent of your new abilities and teach you the basics of shielding first before we let you face anything supernatural."

"Aye, Sir. As you say," Rylen said, disappointed. "Keep me posted, though, and—damnit—come back alive. Someone has to show me how to deal with all of this… new information."

"I have no plans to do otherwise, Rylen. With the group we have going in, this should be a walk in the park."

"Commander, you suck at lying. Just… be careful."

Cullen laughed. "I'm always careful, Rylen."

Rylen's tone sombered, "Good luck sir, I hope you find him."

"Thank you, Rylen; I hope we do too. Dorian may check in sometime this morning and, unless I hear from you before we leave this afternoon, I'll check back in when we get back. Hold down the fort and don't take any of Jim's shit while I'm gone."

"I never do." Rylen chuckled then hung up, leaving Cullen smiling. The sounds of fighting grew more intense, so Cullen set his phone down and went to see what the three of them were up to.

Opening the bedroom door, he stopped to watch the scene before him. The three of them in comfortable workout clothes, looked like they'd been at it long enough for each of them to work up a thin sheen of sweat, but not long enough for any of them to become winded.

Lana, staff in hand, was twirling and spinning, lunging in to press her attacks then retreating quickly, just out of Alistair's reach while Leliana took over and pressed her own attack. Leliana's weapon, at first glance, looked like a curved staff, but upon closer inspection, Cullen saw the string tied to each end holding it taut. A bow then . He'd never seen anyone wield a bow like that before and was pretty impressed at her dexterity while switching back and forth between using it as a staff and shooting off the arrows with precision accuracy.

The dance was hypnotic-well rehearsed; it was obvious that these three had been fighting together for years. They knew each other's tells and nuances. As Leliana withdrew, Lana jumped in and Leliana immediately took a knee, pulled an arrow from the quiver on her back, and loosed it in Alistair's direction. He parried Lana's attack effortlessly, then deftly sliced the arrow out of the air with the sword and dagger he was fighting with.

Without missing a parry, strike, or riposte, Alistair quipped, "Oh ho! Look who decided to join us. Good morning, sleepy head. Care to give me a hand over here? I'm a little outnumbered."

Cullen leaned nonchalantly against the doorframe. "You seem to be holding your own pretty well. Why? Can't you handle a couple of girls by yourself?" Cullen taunted, then quickly sidestepped when he heard the telltale twang of Leliana's bow. He glowered at the shaft of an arrow protruding from the wall where his shoulder used to be.

Lana laughed and Alistair clicked his tongue, but it was Leliana who responded, "If you plan on dancing with us today, Commander, you might want to come over and show us what you've got. We can't have you thinking that you have a couple of weak girls at your back. You'll only get yourself hurt trying to protect us, when your efforts would better be used elsewhere."

Lana chimed in, "He'd rather have Alistair at his back judging from his wayward thoughts. But those skills won't do him any good where we're going." She swept her staff at Alistair's legs, who leapt in the air and flipped backward out of the way.

Landing on his feet, he called out, "Hey, I happen to really enjoy those skills—thank you very much—though it's his other sword that he needs to bring to the mat at the moment." Alistair spared Cullen a quick glance before focusing his attention on Lana's attack. "Or are you worried these two might show you up, Commander ?" Swinging his longsword at Leliana, he caught a swing from Lana with the cross-guard on his dagger; twisting away from both of them, he stood guard, waiting for their next attack. It came in the form of an ice spell encasing both his feet. Alistair quickly dropped his center of gravity, smashing the ice with the pommel of his dagger before rolling out of the way of Leliana's most recent arrow.

Cullen chuckled at the playful banter and ribbing as he went to retrieve his sword while they continued to practice. Lana's first attack with fire, was easily dispelled and as he drained her mana, the devious smirk and look of determination on her face told him that that wasn't the only trick up her sleeve. She was equally as deadly with her staff; the blade end extending beyond his usual reach with his longsword, kept him on his toes. When relieved of her staff, she switched to daggers. Her diversity was as impressive as it was frightening.

Leliana's unique use of her bow also took some getting used to. From a distance, she had deadly accuracy. Pressing into her personal space-where a normal archer would choke and sputter-she switched tactics effortlessly, using her bow as a staff and her arrows as daggers.

He was the most familiar with Alistair's acrobatics with daggers style of fighting. He was unnaturally quick and agile, making him almost impossible to pin down. They'd sparred many times: hand to hand and blade to blade. Cullen even familiarized himself with Alistair's less preferred use of a longsword in one hand and dagger in the other, instead of two daggers, so his current weapon selection was no surprise. But when Lana's staff landed at his feet and Leliana had knocked his sword from Alistair's hand with an arrow, it was a seamless transition for him to roll over Lana's staff and begin wielding it like any seasoned mage.

Cullen had never fought with a better trained unit. After the initial learning curve, Cullen slipped into their ranks as if he'd always been there. They read each other well, building on one another's strengths and filling in any holes left unguarded. Cullen assumed Morrigan would also be a seamless addition and he hoped that Dorian would fit in just as easily. Knowing how well they already worked together, he thought it very likely that everything would be fine.

Two hours after Cullen joined in, they sat lounging on the mat with towels draped around their necks, drinking water, trying to catch their breath. Alistair was lying with his head in Cullen's lap as they discussed their plan for the day when he suddenly sat up in a panic. "We need to call Morrigan! She's going to want to be here for this tonight. She's probably going crazy with worry."

Cullen shared a knowing look with Lana, then pulled Alistair back onto his lap, running his fingers through his sweaty hair. "In a hurry to see your exagain, my love?"

Alistair shuddered. "She's not my ex and you really don't want to go there with me, sweetie ."

"Oh? Where, pray tell, would I want to go with you?"

"I can think of a few places." Alistair grinned.

Lana interrupted, "Hey you two! You still have an audience. Though perhaps Leli and I should head out so we have time to eat lunch and get cleaned up before we suit up for this afternoon." Lana rose to her feet and pulled Leliana up to join her. "Oh, and don't worry about Morrigan, I talked to her last night when I called Zevran and Isabela to cover to bar tonight; she's going to meet us at the Library at four-thirty."

Alistair nodded. "Thanks, Lana. I can always count on you. Dorian will be here around three thirty, so why don't you meet us back here then and we can head over together."

With final nods of acceptance, they all parted ways to get ready for the coming battle.

* * *

After the girls left, Alistair and Cullen tended their weapons—sharpening and oiling as needed—before stripping down to share a shower together. The shower was mostly perfunctory, but even as they washed their hair and bodies, their hands couldn't help but roam occasionally in reverence as their lips met for ardent kisses.

Once they were cleaned and dressed in their base layers, Cullen laid out an old wool blanket over the foot of their bed and strategically lined up an arsenal of weapons and ammunition. As he organized and catalogued his inventory, Alistair buckled into his gear.

He wore the traditional blue and white striped armor of the Wardens, familiar in all the old stories, but rarely ever seen outside of fantasy. He wore mostly leather and chain maille with a few panels of scales woven in for extra protection. The only solid plate piece in his armor was the large center crest protecting his chest and vital organs. This chestpiece was emblazoned with the Warden's majestic griffon, ready to take flight, in the middle of it.

Watching Alistair dress distracted Cullen from putting on his own much simpler gear. Cullen wore his standard issue black fatigues and combat boots. His armor came in the form of his Silverite and Kevlar vest, strapped to his upper body and in the fibers woven directly into his pants. It was simple, but effective in protecting against most anything he would come across on a regular basis. He hoped fiercely that today wouldn't prove otherwise.

As Cullen resumed strapping into his vest and boots, Alistair began adding various small blades to parts of his body. Two went into the tops of his boots, several disappeared into his belt and two more were hidden in the back of his armor, between his shoulder blades; small enough to remain undetected and out of the way of his larger blades, but large enough to retrieve easily should the need arise.

Cullen watched Alistair strategically hide several small blades around his person with amusement. "So, how do you plan on traveling between here and the library without drawing notice to yourself? Your armor does sort of stand out."

"We have our ways, oh naive one. You'll see." Alistair eyed Cullen up and down. "Though, I wholeheartedly approve of you all in black…" he indicated the small arsenal laid out on their bed. "How do you travel through crowds armed for bear without drawing attention to yourself? And—more importantly—where exactly are you going to hide all that?" Alistair chuckled as he poked at a few of the magazines on the bed.

"Most of it blends into the black of my uniform. The sword is harder to hide, hence the duster." Cullen grinned, pointing to his long overcoat. "I won't load up all of this until right before we leave, though. For now, I think I'm just about as ready to go as I'm going to be."

"You know, if you wore the skirt , you could probably hide even more items on you," Alistair teased.

Cullen rolled his eyes, they'd been over this already. Though he was wearing his vest embossed with the chantry's symbol, he'd opted to leave behind the skirt and mantle of his old uniform. "If you want them to come along so badly, why don't you wear them?" He pointed to the garment bag in the corner housing the offending items.

"Sadly, my training didn't include fighting in full length ball gowns ," Alistair chuckled. "I would probably trip and hurt myself. And besides, Red and Gold with Blue and silver? Perish the thought! It would totally clash and I might offend Dorian's delicate sensibilities."

Cullen laughed and they continued to bicker over the uniform and anything else to keep the mood light. Hearing the door open and close with the girl's return, Cullen exited the bedroom still deflecting Alistair's latest quip about his skirt. "Alistair, I'm not wearing it; I don't wear the full mantle anymore, it's not my—"

He stopped dead in his tracks and stared; his sentence left hanging, incomplete. Standing before him, was the Warden from his past. The one he'd wanted to find but had no idea where to look. The one he'd pondered asking Alistair to help him locate all those months ago. Blue and white striped armor, much like Alistair's, with subtle differences. Her brown hair tied-up in the familiar tail and her mage-staff slung on her back. The faded image from his memory came slamming back in full clarity.

Fuck!

As he stood and gaped, she turned to smile at him and suddenly all the air was gone from his lungs. Collapsing to his knees, his face buried in his hands; Cullen was no longer in Alistair's loft; he was back in the tower, surrounded by the demons from his past.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

It's been 39 chapters since I dropped the first breadcrumb leading up to this breakdown. And now we're down to the nitty gritty of what the hell happened to Cullen! Ok - well, almost anyway. One more week. Sorry about the cliffhanger, it'll be worth it though, I promise!

Poor Cullen - secrets are about to be revealed. His... Lana's... I can't wait! :) I'm all tingly just thinking about it. (talk about a lesson in patience).

As always, I want to thank you all for coming along for the ride and loving these boys just as much as I do! I also want to thank **Ponticle** for editing for me! I do go back over my work once she's ripped it apart, so any/all errors still present are my own damn fault!

See you all next week!


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary:**

Cullen's secrets revealed  
Dorian joins the party  
Alistair and Cullen spend a few minutes alone.  
Bets are made... and lost (but we end up with two winners anyway)

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **WARNING:** Panic attacks and flashback caused by past trauma. (nothing too graphic)  
This is the rest of the story about what happened to Cullen - it's not pretty.  
But he's ok, he's not alone, and he really needed this breakthrough.

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games**  
 **All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 41**

Secrets and Salvation Part 15

* * *

As Cullen exited the bedroom, playfully bantering with Alistair, Lana caught his eye. She turned and smiled, only to watch his face freeze in shock as he dropped to his knees. Cullen's mind slipped from the present, landing on one horrific day, eleven years ago. A time she'd hoped he would keep buried.

"CULLEN!" she shouted, rushing to his side. "No, no, no. Damnit, Cullen. Why did you have to remember this now?" she cried as she tried to soothe him. Quiet prayers to Andraste tumbled from his lips much as they did all those years ago.

"Breathe, Cullen," she begged. "That was a long time ago. You are no longer there. You are safe and loved and whole. Come back to us, Cullen. We need you. Alistair needs you!"

* * *

While he relived the worst time in his life, a tiny part of him latched onto Lana's comforting voice. Cullen was trying his best to climb back out of the prison built by his mind. He could do this. He'd done it before. The horrors from his past were scrabbling at his limbs, holding tight—pulling him under. He tried to get his body to obey, but it wasn't listening; he sought her voice instead, a soothing balm against the fires licking at his skin. He let her words of comfort surround him, cradle him in their warm embrace. Just like she did all those years ago.

That's why her voice is so familiar. She's 'the Warden'-the one that saved my life. She's the one that defeated the bloodmages and demons that held me captive.

Those abominations had killed everyone else in his detachment, they'd tortured and abused Cullen and taken him to the edge of death itself before she found him. Breathe she'd told him then. All this time, Lana was the one, the Warden , the healer—his savior.

* * *

Alistair rushed out of the bedroom to find Cullen on the ground, Lana's arms wrapped around him whispering frantically in his ear. "Lana? What happened?"

Looking up with tears in her eyes, she confessed, "He was the Templar, Ali. The one I told you about from the tower near Lake Calenhad. The only survivor from the massacre that wiped out the whole abbey. He's back there now… " She choked back a sob. "W-we need to bring him back. Help me anchor him!"

"Shit, Lana! Why didn't you tell me?" Alistair was on his knees next to Cullen, pulling him into his arms. He held on tightly as Cullen rocked himself back and forth, eyes wide and unseeing as a litany of verse poured from his lips. Alistair placed soft kisses on his brow between whispered words of encouragement, "Come back to me, love. You can do it. I've got you. I believe in you. I need you. Whatever you're seeing, is in the past. They can't get to you here. Please, please, please. Follow my voice, I will keep you safe. I will always keep you safe."

Leliana wrapped her arms around Lana's shoulders.

Lana whispered, "I didn't think he would remember me. Alistair, you were away on another mission with Duncan when we… the things that he…" she sobbed, trying to get the words out between hiccups and sniffles. "When he came into the bar, I knew he didn't recognize me or Lel. I didn't want to be the one to bring up those memories for him. He tries so hard to keep it buried, and he's healed so much since then. Oh, Cullen… I-I'm so sorry." She started to turn away, to give them space, when ice cold fingers wrapped around her wrist.

* * *

Cullen fought through the demons plaguing his mind. Battling his way out from the blackness, he heard Lana and Alistair speaking quietly and heatedly over him. He felt Alistair's strong, protective arms and gentle, comforting kisses. He needed to pull himself together; this revelation changed nothing. There was a job that needed to be done. A little boy—Alistair's son… Kieran—needed them. He didn't have time to battle with the demons of his past. They didn't control him, he was in control—of himself, of his life. Focusing on his breath, on his family surrounding him, Cullen finally broke through the surface of the water he'd been drowning in. He had pressing matters to attend to.

But first…

Reaching out, he grabbed onto Lana's wrist-preventing her retreat-his eyes still wild and unfocused as he tried to clear the cobwebs from his mind to form a coherent thought. Pulling her out of Leliana's arms and into his own, he hugged her tightly to his chest. "Thank you," he finally managed to whisper.

Lana squeaked from the tightness of his hold, but didn't try to pull away, "Cullen?"

Taking deep shuddering breaths to clear the fog, Cullen closed his eyes, burying his nose in her hair. The smell of her shampoo and the feeling of Alistair's arms helped to ground him. He needed to focus so he could say what he needed to say. Words were slow coming.

He eventually managed to sob into her hair, "I never got a chance to… thank you. All these years and I… didn't know who you were, whom to thank… I didn't know how to find out… and yet, you were right here all along." He relaxed his grip, wiping away her tears as well as his own. With eyes clearer and more focused, he looked into hers. "Thank You."

Lana slumped back into his embrace and held him a little longer. "You don't need to thank me, Cullen. I'm sorry that I... "

"No! It's… it's fine. It's ok. I understand. I make it a point to not remember, to bury that part of my past so deep that I can almost pretend that it didn't happen. But you already know that." He ventured a small smile.

Returning his smile, Lana relinquished her hold on him and leaned back into Leliana's arms.

Closing his eyes, Cullen took a deep breath, fully extricating himself from the demons of his past. Turning his head, he sought Alistair's gaze, reached up, and lovingly caressed his cheek, smoothing out the lines of worry and concern.

"My secret ," he apologized. "I know we said we'd get to it eventually. But, I…"

"Shh, Cullen, you don't have to explain now. I know some of what happened from Lana. I just… didn't realize that was you . I am so sorry." Alistair held him closer.

Cullen took a deep breath. "I might as well share it all now instead of dragging it back up later." Cullen smiled reassuringly. It was ok. He was ready. It was time.

"That was my turning point within the order-the beginning of the end. All those people lost and the chantry just… swept it under the rug. Unawakened Templars, tortured and bled. Civilians… children," he whispered the last with a shudder. "I suppose their fate was kinder. They couldn't see the true horrors of what tormented them."

Cullen settled into Alistair's arms, resting his head on his shoulder while staring blankly at the ceiling. "We were there on a routine assignment, only told that the abbey had received some threats and needed a team to protect them through the danger. Arriving a little too late, it seemed we'd walked into a standard hostage situation—I knew immediately that it was not." He closed his eyes and sighed. "None of my men were prepared to fight what we faced. I was one of the lowest ranking Templars sent in, but the only one with the sight or powers to counter it."

Alistair's grip tightened around him, the soft kisses giving Cullen the courage to continue.

"I've often wondered if that was what kept them from killing me as quickly as they dispatched my team. Instead, they toyed with me. I was caged, shackled, tortured, healed, and tortured again only to be placed back in my prison to watch as they systematically murdered everyone I was sworn to protect. Their deaths were quick in comparison… mine… never came. How can you be the same person after that?"

Cullen took a deep breath, his next words were delivered with contempt. "The chantry ignored what I endured. Sure, they promoted me for being a survivor , but I was told to get past it, forget, and move on. That's how I met Dorian. He was the counselor assigned to help me get back on my feet. In the end, and against Dorian's recommendation, I was reassured that I was fine and that I needed to trust in the Maker's plan for me." Cullen shook his head. "I don't believe the Maker wanted all those people to die that way. He didn't orchestrate the torture and abuse that I underwent. I can't believe that. I won't! I gave the Chantry my everything, and in return I got an accommodation and sent on my merry way. If it weren't for Dorian, I…"

"The Maker would never choose that fate for his children," Leliana said with conviction born of faith. "Those with light will be rewarded and be allowed to walk for eternity at the Maker's side. Whoever orchestrated such an event will not see such rewards."

"That was the crux of my internal struggle. I used to believe my faith and the Chantry were intertwined. I've learned to accept the fact that my devotion to the Maker can still exist without their influence." Cullen bowed his head and sighed. "I don't think they ever intended on me finding out that they actually knew what they were sending us in to face. It'd already gone beyond threats when they mobilized our forces. They were well aware that the blood mages and fanatics had taken over the tower. But, their egos were too big, they were trying to prove a point. They didn't need an awakened Templar force to tamp down the uprising—they thought our soldiers were skilled enough to fight the danger without it."

"But you are an awakened Templar. You have the sight," Alistair said.

"I… wasn't supposed to be there. I stepped in at the last minute to cover for my roommate who'd gotten sick. If it hadn't been for the Wardens, for Lana and … " Looking up, he focused on Leliana, "You were there too, weren't you?"

She nodded slowly. "I was. We weren't sure if you'd even remember us. You were not coherent when we found you and you were unconscious when we left. We made sure you were safe, but our mission required us to push on."

Lana continued where Leliana left off, "We were sent to the tower to gather aid. It was a stopping point on our way to Redcliffe." She looked up at Alistair apologetically. "We left him in the care of the innkeepers across the water. I healed his wounds, but he'd lost so much blood and his mind was still locked in on itself. We sent word to the Chantry to come get him, but we couldn't wait for their arrival." She touched Cullen's hand gently. "I am so sorry, Cullen. I didn't realize how deep the Chantry's influence was on that event. I hope you can forgive me for leaving you back in their care."

Cullen shook his head. "It's okay. I needed to be there. I needed to find these things out on my own." He paused a moment before continuing. "I'm told that I woke up screaming a week after you left. The Chantry sent more Templars to take care of the cleanup and some Chantry Sisters to take me home. Once my mind began to clear, I remembered bits and pieces of those responsible for saving me. I remembered the Wardens—well, a Warden , but I also knew that she had a small group with her." He smiled softly at Lana, then looked back at Alistair. "I've thought about asking you to help me find those responsible, but I wasn't ready to tell you what happened yet, I didn't want to burden you with it. I guess that's not an issue anymore."

Alistair kissed Cullen lightly on the lips. "I would gladly walk through the fade everyday for you if you needed me to. Please know that there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. And here we are anyway, all suited up and ready to walk into the fade together. Are you sure you're up for this? It's not too late to change your mind about going in with us."

Cullen reached up, and stroked over Alistair's jawline, "I'm going with you. I'll be fine. Now that the cat's out of the bag and the initial shock is over, there's nothing else to deter me from my duties." He took a deep breath and relaxed fully, letting a small smile play across his lips. "Unless you have any other surprises for me that might shake me to the core." He looked around pointedly at the three of them.

Alistair grinned mischievously. "Well, since we're laying everything out on the table… there is one more thing you should probably know before we walk into the jaws of danger." Alistair schooled his face to all seriousness. "I'm pregnant." Unable to keep a straight face, he burst out laughing.

Cullen rolled his eyes, but laid his hand gently over Alistair's tight abs. "Oh, well if that's the case, I guess you should stay home to protect our budding family." With an evil grin, he rolled them over and began tickling Alistair, leaving kisses up his neck.

"Hey, stop it!" Alistair giggled. The heaviness in the room dissipated at their playfulness.

A quick rap on the door barely registered as they continued to wrestle, each one trying to get the upper hand.

Dorian sauntered in. "Oh, ho. Looks like I've been missing all the fun. Dare I ask what this is all about? Or should I be excited that clothes will start getting thrown about soon." He looked at Leliana. "I don't suppose they let you watch, do they? Bull would be so jealous!"

Face red with embarrassment, Cullen released Alistair and jumped up to hug Dorian. "No! No one gets to watch." He pulled back and punched his friend in the arm. "But, I do have someone I want you to meet."

Dorian looked around at the familiar faces perplexed. "Are we waiting for someone else to arrive? The mother, perhaps?"

"No. We'll be meeting her at the library later." He grabbed Dorian's shoulders and spun him around to face Lana. "She's my Warden , Dorian, I've had a breakthrough." Cullen spoke excitedly as he spun Dorian back around to face him. "Well, a breakdown actually, but I remembered, and we've talked and…" Cullen was beaming.

"And… how do you feel, amatus?" Dorian asked optimistically.

Cullen pulled him into another tight hug, laughing. "Lighter than I've felt in years, my friend."

With a quick check in at Alistair's soft smile, Dorian finally melted into Cullen's hug. "Well done. You've come so far and I'm…" He cleared his throat and tried again, "I'm really proud of you."

"Thank you, Dorian. For everything. I couldn't have done this without you." With a last hearty slap on the back, Cullen finally released him from his hug.

Quickly wiping a lone tear from his cheek, Dorian returned the smile. "I'm happy to have been able to help. I wasn't sure what to expect from you today. I was hoping for the best, but planning for the worst. But… I really think you've got this."

* * *

Alistair left Dorian to talk with Lana and Leliana while he pulled Cullen back into their bedroom and closed the door.

Cullen raised an eyebrow. "Privacy? You do realize we just got dressed, don't you?"

"I wanted to spend a few moments with you alone, before we head to the library." Alistair wrapped his arms around Cullen, softly pressing their lips together.

Cullen smiled as he rested his forehead against Alistair's. "I won't argue that."

"You know…" Alistair started, "I can't even begin to express exactly how much your help means to me. In just two days, you were able to do what none of the rest of us managed in two weeks."

"I didn't do it all alone; I had help: Rylen, Felix, Dorian, Morrigan and Lana. They all had input that was invaluable to setting us on the right track."

Alistair rested his head on Cullen's shoulder. "How is Rylen doing?"

"He's doing surprisingly well, actually. Especially considering the extent of his sight. He wanted to come with us today, but I told him that we needed to work on his shields and boundaries first before we start bringing him along on these little adventures. Once we get Kieran back, I'll start working with him on it. I don't want to leave him defenseless for longer than necessary."

"You know, I'd be more than happy to help with that." Alistair looked up with a grin.

"I figured you might. I was actually hoping that we could train here instead of at our usual gym."

Alistair grinned. "You know my schedule; I'm free Mondays and weekends. Lana's free on Fridays to help with his shielding. I'm sure she'd be happy to help too."

"She is, and don't worry. I'll work up a schedule that will work for all of us."

"I bet you will." Alistair smirked.

Cullen cupped Alistair's face, gazing lovingly into his eyes. "I'll get to work on it after we get back, but right now I'd rather..." Leaning in, he placed a lingering kiss on his lips.

They eventually pulled apart, breathless and flushed. "Mmm what was that for?" Alistair asked dazedly.

"That was for you. I know that we're about to walk into unknown danger, against the infamous Flemeth , with your son's life hanging in the balance. And in spite of that, or perhaps because of it, I just want you to know that there is nowhere else I'd rather be than by your side. I love you, Alistair."

Alistair surged forward to capture Cullen's lips again. After a few moments, he pulled back, chuckling, wiping tears from his eyes.

"What's so funny?" Cullen asked.

"You're being all sweet and sentimental."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"No… it's just. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster today. My emotions are all over the place."

"I'm right there with you." Cullen laughed. "So?"

"So, here you are being perfectly… well, perfect . And I happen to glance down at the bed, now I can't stop thinking about how and where you're going to stow your little arsenal. You sure some of it's not going to need to go back into your bag… maybe, carry that with us?"

"That wouldn't be very practical. And don't you worry, oh ye of little faith. All of that…" he waved vaguely at the ammunition covered wool blanket. "Will fit neatly on my person."

"Well, you better get started now. We have to leave here in an hour to head over to the library."

Cullen grinned. "Believe it or not, I can have everything here on me in less than two minutes. I only lay it out like this to inventory so I don't forget anything."

"This I have to see! Should I time you?" Alistair raised his watch, setting it to the stopwatch feature.

Cullen shook his head, laughing. "Only if it will make you happy."

"Can we make it interesting?" Alistair smirked.

"You mean seeing me get dressed isn't interesting enough?"

"Well, I much prefer you to undress , but for the moment… how bout a wager? If it takes more than the two minutes you say this will take, you have to wear the skirt."

"And if I win?"

"Winner's choice, and I won't say no." Alistair winked.

Cullen's grin was almost predatory. "You're on!"

One minute and fifty-four seconds later, Cullen slid his sword home, much to Alistair's chagrin. "Damnit!"

Cullen pulled Alistair into his arms, kissing him deeply. "I'll make it up to you later."

"Oh yeah? How?" Alistair pouted.

"When all this is over, I'll wear the mantle for you… and nothing else." He grinned evilly, leaning in to whisper in Alistair's ear, "You still have that blindfold you led me through the Chantry with? I seem to remember a conversation where you were interested in corrupting my sweet, innocent, Templar soul."

Alistair's eyes glimmered with excitement. "I am a lucky lucky man."

* * *

 **End Notes:**

My poor, sweet, Cullen. I hope you can forgive me for torturing him so. But he needed to complete the cycle, and he needed to remember. So now... who's ready to rescue Kieran?

As always, I want to thank you all for coming along for the ride and loving these boys just as much as I do! I also want to thank **Ponticle** for editing for me! I do go back over my work once she's ripped it apart, so any/all errors still present are my own damn fault!

I'm Aurlyn over on Tumblr if you'd like to come say hi! :)


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary:**

Into the fade we go... let's go rescue Kieran!  
Our story's conclusion.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Chapter 42** \- Will it be the answer to life, the universe, and everything?  
Hopefully we'll ask the right questions as we conclude this part of the Secrets & Salvation storyline.

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games  
All twisted perversions therein, are all on me ~ You're welcome!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 42**

Secrets and Salvation Part 16

* * *

Cullen couldn't help but smile as he watched Alistair meander around their room, fluffing pillows, tidying the bedspread, making sure every last buckle and tie was fastened on his armor. It was all so… domestic . Well, as domestic as the two of them could be , considering the circumstances. Cullen would have considered it adorable if he didn't know that Alistair was just burning off nervous energy until it was time to go.

"It's clean, Al. Even by my meticulous standards."

Alistair looked up, annoyed. "I know you're not making fun of me, Mister 'I like to keep everything in order and on schedule'."

Cullen shrugged with an unapologetic smile. "Having a predictable foundation makes being able to roll with the unexpected easier. And you seem to like to throw the unexpected around like it's going out of style."

"Are you complaining?"

"Do I look like I'm complaining?" Cullen's smile turned almost feral.

Alistair took in Cullen's relaxed stance: leaning against the wall, eyeing him hungrily from head to toe. He quirked an eyebrow, letting a slow smirk take over his lips as he shook his head. "No. But I'm curious… what has you grinning like a cheshire cat over there? Are you just that excited about wearing your mantle for me later? Cause, y'know, I'm quite looking forward to it myself." He made his way over to Cullen and wormed his way into his arms.

Rolling his eyes, Cullen pulled Alistair in for a quick kiss. "You are incorrigible. You know that?"

"That's because you encourage me."

"I said incorrigible, not encourage-able."

"Oh believe me; I know the difference and my statement still stands." Alistair winked. "I love it when you encourage my incorrigibility."

Cullen shook his head with a little chuckle. "What am I going to do with you, huh?"

"I can think of a few things," Alistair whispered against his lips, connecting them softly before parting reluctantly. "But, I fear, they will have to wait."

Cullen breathed softly into Alistair's ear, "Something to look forward to later then."

"Absolutely." Alistair shivered, then leaned back, eyes flicking over Cullen's face. His expression softened.

"What is it?"

"You…" Alistair began, running a finger over Cullen's brow and down the hard line of his jaw. "You are amazing, you know that? The things you've faced and endured, mostly alone. And looking at you now, you'd never be able to tell."

"How so?"

"From the day I met you, there's been tension…" Alistair stood on his toes and placed a gentle kiss in the middle of Cullen's forehead. "...right here. A tightness reflected in your eyes, in your stance. But now, everything about you is relaxed." He ran his hands lovingly down the contours if Cullen's shoulders and arms, then let his hands rest on Cullen's hips. "You look… calm, unburdened—happy."

Cupping Alistair's face in his hands, Cullen placed a soft kiss on his lips, then rested their foreheads together. "I am. All of those things. What happened earlier… it—well, the timing wasn't ideal, but it was a complete obliteration of the last barrier that I'd been needing to break through. I didn't know how; I'd been avoiding it-fearing it. And now…" Cullen took a cleansing breath and let it out slowly. "...now, I feel like the weight I've been carrying around for so long, has finally been lifted from my shoulders. I didn't realize how heavy a burden it had become. I feel light and free. I'm ready to face the world, on this side of the veil or the other. For the first time in forever, it doesn't matter.

I've worked through much of my anger and resentment. I've fought through so many years of nightmares and flashbacks. But, other than Dorian, and to a much lesser extent, Mia, I've never been able to share a hundred percent of myself. I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't share why without divulging what happened to me. No one knew why I'd erected those walls. No one knew why I kept myself on such a short leash." Cullen took another deep breath and let it out with a smile. "I never dreamt that I could just be myself— no secrets . I never dared to hope that I could have this." He caressed the side of Alistair's face, letting his hand rest on his neck.

"This?"

"You, Lana, Dorian, and Leliana: my lover, my savior, my doctor, my friend. All of you make up a family that I never knew I was craving. No secrets . No parts of me—past, present, or future—hidden away to keep everyone safe, including myself. You're right, I am happy, Alistair. More than that—I'm elated . I'm walking on air right now and I can hardly contain how incredibly amazing it feels. I know today isn't over yet. I know it's going to be difficult; we still don't know what exactly we're walking into or what we're going to face on the other side of that mirror. I know there is a precious life we're going in to fight for. But, for the first time in over ten years, I feel like I can handle anything that's thrown at us. I'm not afraid of how I'm going to react, or if something we encounter is going to trigger a memory. I am ready and confident. With a family like this at my side, how can I not be?" Cullen wrapped his arms tightly around Alistair, burying his nose in the hair behind his ear.

Alistair returned the embrace, savored it for a few moments, then snorted into a chuckle.

Cullen raised an eyebrow. "Did I say something funny?"

"No. Well, yes. But… I'm sorry, this isn't coming out right. I am so happy for you, Cullen. I really am. Glad that you've come so far; proud that I can be here for you to see you through it… but, you just said something that... well, to be honest, I should warn you. You might not want to call Lana your savior. She'll kick both our asses just on principle." Alistair's eyes were wide with mock horror as he tried to tame his smile.

Lana's voice floated in from the other room, "I'd listen to him, Cullen. He may hide it well, but Alistair is wise in many things-my reaction to being deified one of them."

They rolled their eyes and shared a quiet chuckle as Dorian stepped into the doorway. "Well, look at the two of you." His tone was teasing, but the fondness in his eyes was unmistakable. "I daresay, Cullen. I've never seen you look this good. Even knowing what we're walking into, you seem…"

"Calm?" Cullen responded with a knowing smirk. "Dorian, if I'd known how good this felt, I would have pushed for it sooner."

"I'm not sure it would have worked—"

"I know, I know. All in the Maker's good time." He sighed contentedly, looking around at his friends as Lana and Leliana joined them in the bedroom. "I can't complain, though—not at all. I am truly blessed. But we shouldn't be lollygagging around here." He checked his watch. "It's about time for us to leave for the library."

Dorian looked at Lana and Alistair in their very distinctive Warden armor, then at Leliana wearing her leather armor and skirt, all of their weapons clearly holstered on their backs. "I know Cullen conceals his arsenal beneath his very dashing overcoat, but how do you three plan on making your way across Denerim without drawing attention to yourselves?"

"I asked the same question." Cullen added then looked over at Lana for an answer.

Lana shrugged. "We learned long ago to hide what we are in plain site. With what we do, we need quick and easy access to our weapons without being encumbered by concealing garments." She turned to Alistair, and with a nod, he took up position in front of her with his arms out wide.

Lana began to weave her hands in a complex pattern, before releasing her energy in a swirling mass of mist around Alistair.

Cullen tensed as he watched, but at a touch from Dorian, did nothing to intervene.

When the mist faded, Cullen looked at Alistair wearing his usual jeans, boots, t-shirt, and light jacket. With a tentative step forward, he reached out and ran his fingers over what should have been the soft canvas of his jacket, but instead. he felt the clearly defined scales and links of his armor. Taking a couple steps back, Cullen opened his sight and, with some effort, was able to see through the illusion to the reality underneath. Relaxing again, he let the image she'd overlayed slide smoothly back into place. "That's pretty impressive, Lana. You can hold this illusion over an entire group without overly exerting yourself?"

She nodded demurely. "I use the most energy in the casting. Once it's in place, it barely costs me any distraction to hold the spell and I can hold several of them almost indefinitely."

Alistair smiled fondly at Lana. "There was this one time she even held it while we all slept. She covered the entire party in a blanket that made it look like we were part of the mountain. I don't even question how she does it anymore. I just know she's never seemed depleted from it in the past."

Dorian grinned hungrily. "That is quite the glamour gift you've got there, Lana. I don't suppose you'd be willing to share trade secrets after this whole thing is over?"

"I suppose. Especially if you insist on leaving the house half-dressed as you are right now."

"What? This is the height of fashion in Minrathous!" Dorian put a hand to his chest, aghast.

Lana looked him up and down. "I can see your nipple, Dorian."

"Yeeesssss." He drawled seductively while circling it daintily with his middle finger. "And it's such a lovely nipple. It would be a sin to cover this up!"

Cullen smacked Dorian in the back of the head. "Don't make me call your husband."

The tension in the room was softened by soft laughter as Lana made her rounds, giving everyone a glamour most resembling their normal everyday clothes, with the exception of Dorian, who she put a little more effort into covering a little more modestly.

With a few last minute gear checks to make sure that they weren't forgetting anything, the small group climbed into Cullen's jeep and headed over to the library.

* * *

Arriving five minutes past the hour, they found Felix pacing in front of the eluvian, the amulet draped loosely around his neck. Dorian rushed to his side. "What's wrong, Felix? Didn't it work? Is it not open?"

"Oh, it's definitely open ." He wrung his hands, nervously. "It's Morrigan. She… wouldn't wait for you and rushed on ahead."

"Kaffas!" Dorian swore.

Lana stepped up to the mirror. "It's still open. We shouldn't wait. How long ago did she go through, Felix?"

"Maybe two to three minutes? Near as I can tell from my father's notes, the door should stay open for an hour. If you miss the window, you'll be trapped there for another fifteen hours before you can get back through again."

Lana shared a look with Alistair. "If this leads to any pocket on the other side of the veil, like we think it will, that won't be a problem, Felix." With a flick of her wrist, she removed the glamours surrounding the group.

Felix gasped. "Dorian?…"

"Yes, Amatus?" He grinned innocently.

"Your caliber of friends never fails to amaze me."

"I do know how to pick them, don't I?" Dorian placed one arm around Felix's shoulders and gave it a quick squeeze.

Shaking himself from his surprise, Felix nodded respectfully to the Wardens. "I suppose now I don't need to worry about you making your way back on time. I will wait here, nevertheless, for your return. Good luck, my friends. Maker's speed. Bring that boy home safe!" He patted Dorian on the shoulder then pushed him through the mirror. "Now go, you may not be confined by the same restrictions of time, but Kieran's been gone for far too long already."

* * *

Alistair was the last one to step through the Eluvian and looked around in surprise. "Wait, this isn't the crossroads! This is the fade . Deep fade, if my spidey senses are working right." He glanced over to see how Cullen was handling this little turn of events, but relaxed when he saw him conversing quietly with Dorian. "I thought we were heading into the crossroads first? Can it go anywhere?"

Dorian looked over. "I am unsure. I believed… Gereon predicted, that each mirror only had one destination, and I believed him . But it appears he was mistaken. As to why we ended up in the fade instead of the Crossroads, I couldn't begin to guess. Keep in mind that he never actually got this to work, so maybe his research was wrong on where this led in the first place?"

"Look out!" Lana shouted. Leliana took a knee, loosing a quick succession of arrows at a small group of approaching darkspawn.

Alistair honed in on his surroundings. He could feel the three darkspawn that Leliana was already firing at with Lana laying ice at their feet to slow their progress. His focus suddenly pulled to his right. This was familiar territory; the ability to feel his enemies approaching. It wasn't as strong as when he was directly attached to the darkspawn hive mind, but it was still enough to give them some warning. Like a persistent itch under his skin, it forced him to focus and respond. Drawing his sword and dagger, he took a ready stance as Cullen drew one of his guns and his sword in one swift motion. With dramatic twirls of his staff, Dorian cast a barrier of protection around the group and began readying another spell.

Making sure they all knew what was coming, Alistair called out the incoming, "Two more hurlocks coming at you, Lana and Leliana, four maybe five heading in on this side. Fuck! Heads up, Lana. It feels like there's an alpha incoming and possibly… a genlock? No visual confirmation yet."

"You've never been wrong before, Alistair. Just let me know if there are any shrieks. Those sneaky bastards really piss me off!" Lana froze one of the hurlocks, allowing for Leliana's arrow to shatter it.

Twirling his sword once, Alistair snorted a laugh. "You got it, boss. Shrieks are all mine! You can have the ugly ones."

"They're all ugly, Alistair." Cullen chimed in, taking aim and firing his first shot at the incoming genlock. The bullet struck true, red veins lighting up within the beast, spidering outward from the entry point. It stumbled briefly, but kept lumbering forward.

Dorian cast his spell. The nebulous shape of a spirit began bashing away at the genlock as Cullen unloaded another three shots, dropping it to its knees. They grinned at each other before Cullen glanced at Alistair with a wink. "Blessed bullets and a little necromancy. Do you think the Maker would approve?" He cackled gleefully and with an elaborate spin, Cullen severed the beast's head from its body using the sword in his off hand.

"Holy shit! That was hot!." Alistair exclaimed. He rushed forward and, using Cullen as a springboard, vaulted off his back toward the oncoming alpha hurlock.

Dorian's spirit friend took on the shape of the fallen genlock and joined Alistair with the Alpha while he and Cullen dispatched the remaining two hurlocks.

As the last of the darkspawn were eradicated, Alistair grinned maniacally. "Well, that was… exhilarating." He looked at Lana. "Sorry, luv. No shrieks this time, though."

She shuddered. "Thank the Creators! There's only so many of you sneaky ass rogues that I can handle!"

Leliana and Alistair responded in unison. "Hey!"

Stealing a kiss from Leliana, Lana winked. "Precisely. I seem to have my hands full with the two of you. I simply have no more room for any others." She wiped a stray bit of gore from her wife's cheek before kissing her again.

Placated, Leliana attempted to tuck the stray hair back behind Lana's ear. "You are lucky I love you."

"I tell myself the same thing every day." She took in the group around her. "Everyone okay to continue? I won't have anyone dying on my watch."

"I've never been better, Lana." Cullen smiled. "Lets see if we can catch up to Morrigan. Dorian? Now that we're here, do you need to cast your tracking spell again to see which way Kieran went?"

"No. I can still feel a vague pull. I'd rather not go into a trance on this side anyway. It's too dangerous." Dorian pointed down a path to their left. "He's off in that direction."

Wiping the muck from his sword, Alistair looked in the direction Dorian indicated. With a steady resolve, Alistair kept his weapons out and headed off down the path. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

* * *

They walked for another ten minutes finding nothing more interesting than a few stray flowers and minerals that Lana insisted on harvesting. They eventually came upon Morrigan standing at a split in the path. She was rubbing at the tears on her face and looking between the two pathways indecisively.

Lana rushed up to her. "Morrigan! Thank the Creators we found you!"

Morrigan looked at the motley group, despair written clearly on her face. "Go back! You don't all need to be here; this is my burden to bear." Quieter to herself, she mumbled, "I must find him before it's too late. But, which way did he go?" She turned a quick circle, taking in their surroundings, her eyes landing on Alistair in desperation. "We stand in the fade. Eluvian's aren't supposed to do that. To direct one here would require immense power! If he is lost to me now, after all I have sacrificed…"

Alistair approached her slowly and gently rested his hands on her shoulders. "We'll find him, Morrigan; he can't be far. And this isn't your burden alone to bear. Whatever we've been in the past, we are in this together now. You need not do it by yourself."

With a small tremble to her lip, her facade crumbled. Morrigan allowed herself to be pulled into Alistair's arms and sobbed into his shoulder. "The fade is infinite, Alistair! He could be literally anywhere! Whatever happens to him now, 'tis my doing. I set him on this path. But now, I can't even tell which way he's gone. I'm so lost. As much as I hate to admit it, I can't do this alone anymore."

"Morrigan, it's okay. It will be okay. Dorian's tracking Kieran for us. He's going to lead us to him no matter how long it takes to get there." He wiped a stray tear from her cheek and offered a tentative smile. "Now, c'mon. I was told that I finally get to meet my son. I won't let a little thing like getting lost in the fade deter me from that goal." He smiled tentatively, hoping she wouldn't change her mind.

Straightening her back, she took a deep breath and returned his smile. "You'll get your wish, Alistair. Please, just help me look for him."

"I'm not going anywhere until he's back with us, safe and sound." Alistair's smile softened reassuringly.

"We all are here to help." Leliana added, placing a hand on Morrigan's shoulder.

Dorian stepped up to the fork in the road and, after only a moment's contemplation, began heading off to the right. "Well then, what are we waiting around here for?"

Hurrying after Dorian, they dispatched a few small groups of darkspawn before Morrigan stopped at the top of a hill.

"There he is!" she shouted and began running.

Kieran stood inside a circle with Flemeth kneeling before him-her head bowed in concentration, a glowing blue light passing between them. From a distance, it was hard to tell whom the power emanated from, but as Morrigan drew closer, Kieran dissipated the magic with a quick flick of his wrist.

Dorian asked, "Who's with him? Is that…"

Morrigan's voice took on a steely quality. "That's my…"

Suddenly, Kieran looked up from where he was focusing on Flemeth. "Mother!" His face lit up, smiling affectionately at Morrigan before he turned back to Flemeth with amusement in his eyes.

Reaching the edge of the circle, Morrigan leveled her gaze and spoke with ice dripping from the one word. "Mother."

Flemeth looked up at Kieran. With a minuscule nod from Kieran, granting permission, she rose and faced the group. "Now, isn't this a surprise."

Dorian snickered. "So this is all some kind of… family reunion?"

Flemeth gave a thin lipped smile. "Mother, daughter, grandson. It rather warms the heart; does it not?"

Morrigan shouted, "Kieran is not your grandson. Let him go!" She surged forward, only to be caught by Alistair, who held her just outside the circle still crackling with energy.

Flemeth chuckled, "As if I were holding the boy hostage." She looked over the group, speaking finally to two she'd never met before. "She's always been ungrateful, you see."

"Ungrateful?" Morrigan interrupted. "I know how you plan to extend your life, wicked crone! You will not have me, and you will not have my son!" She looked at her friends to explain. "She extends her life by possessing the bodies of her daughters. That was the fate she intended for me. I thwarted her, and now she intends to have Kieran instead!"

Morrigan began to cast a spell. Kieran raised his hand, disrupting her casting. He looked at them all with eyes far too old to be his own.

"What are you doing? Kieran!" Morrigan sobbed, trying to break the binds that held her fast. Looking at her companions, she saw they were all held by the same force.

A quiet seemed to fall over the group as the ancient voice soothed them, "Kieran is safe, Morrigan. Your mother is not the cause for this meeting." Kieran's mouth was moving to the words, but the voice was anything but human.

"Urthemiel." Morrigan breathed out in relief.

Kieran nodded once. "I need them together to keep him safe. You were helping, but he's getting stronger and it won't be enough. We need this to happen, child. Please do not fear, 'tis for the best."

"Whatever hold you have over me, release it now!" Morrigan cried.

Flemeth chided, "That is entirely up to you, dear daughter. You appear to have been summoned here the same as I." An uncharacteristic softness touched her eyes as she stroked her hand through Kieran's hair.

Kieran blinked a couple of times, releasing his hold on the group. He rushed out of the circle into Morrigan's arms, hugging her tightly. "I'm sorry, Mother. I heard her calling to me, she said now was the time and Urthemiel urged me to join her." He smiled reassuringly. "It's going to be okay, mother. This was always meant to happen."

She choked back a sob. "I do not understand."

Kieran released her and stepped back into the circle placing his hand inside Flemeth's.

She began to speak, quietly, reverently, "Once I was but a woman and 'tis true that I used to require the sacrifice of others to prolong my own youth. But that was long ago." She looked up, an ancient wisdom flickering behind her eyes. "That was so long ago, before I was wronged and found myself crying out in the lonely darkness for justice. And then… she came to me. A wisp of an ancient being, and she granted me all I wanted and more." She looked at Kieran who nodded once again before she continued. "I have carried Mythal through the ages ever since, seeking the justice denied to her."

Lana sputtered, "Mythal? What? No! That's impossible!"

Flemeth tilted her head and smirked. "What do you hear in your head, child? What do the spirits surrounding us tell you? Do I lie?"

Lana closed her eyes and choked back a sob, falling to her knees. "They say you speak the truth. But… how? Why?"

"The real question is… what was Mythal? A legend given name and called a god, or something more? Truth is not the end, but a beginning." Flemeth chuckled, shaking her head.

Lana looked up through tear-laden lashes. "If Mythal is within you, why keep her hidden? Why does she not reveal herself?"

"And to whom should she reveal herself?" Flemeth asked.

"To the elves? To everyone!" Lana sputtered again, climbing to her feet. "She's... " She shook her head redirecting her inquiry to the got herself. "You've been absent for so long, yet they still call to you—pray to you…"

Flemeth laughed. "I knew the hearts of men even before Mythal came to me. It is why she came to me. They do not want the truth, and I… I am but a shadow, lingering in the sun. "

"Why did Mythal come to you ?" Lana asked, almost a whisper.

"For a reckoning that will shake the very heavens." Flemeth's voice took on the same steely tone that Morrigan's held earlier.

"And you follow her whims? Do you even know what she truly is?" Morrigan asked.

"You seek to preserve the powers that were , but to what end? It is because I taught you, girl, because things happened that were never meant to happen. She was betrayed, as I was betrayed-as the world was betrayed! Mythal clawed and crawled her way through the ages-to me, and I will see her avenged! Alas, so long as the music plays, we dance. She and I, together as one."

Alistair had had enough. "So you lured us here with your trail of breadcrumbs. What do you want?"

Flemeth looked at Kieran standing at her side. "One thing, and one thing only."

He looked back at Flemeth with a small smile. "I have to go now, Mother."

"No!" Morrigan shouted. "I will not allow it!"

Flemeth scoffed. "He carries a piece of what once was, snatched from the jaws of darkness. You know this."

"He is not your pawn, Mother. I will not let you use him."

"Have you not used him? Was that not your purpose, the reason you agreed to his creation?"

Morrigan's voiced dropped to a despondent whisper. "That was then. Now he… he is my son ."

"I am not the only one carrying the soul of a being long thought lost," Flemeth said.

"He is more than that, Mother."

"As am I. Yet, do you hear me complain? Our destinies are not so easily avoided, dear girl."

"Mother, I have to," Kieran said. "The magic is too much and the longer that Urthemiel is with me, the worse it's going to get. She can help me."

Morrigan pleaded, "You do not belong to her, Kieran. Neither of us do. And we have others that can help us. You don't need her !" She glared at Flemeth. "Do whatever you wish to me. Take over my body, if you must, but Kieran will be free of your clutches. I am many things, but I will not be the same mother you were to me."

Flemeth looked down in sadness, only to have Kieran squeeze her hand and offer up a small smile.

"There is another way," Flemeth whispered. "If you're both amenable to it." She looked at Kieran steadily.

"But you said that the only way to keep me safe was to go with you," Kieran stated.

"That is the only way to protect you, should you and Urthemiel stay as one." Flemeth offered. "Urthemiel needs a willing host."

"But…you can't!" Kieran sounded alarmed.

"Mythal won't allow anything to happen to me, child. It may not be entirely comfortable, but I will come to no harm. It will be okay."

Urthemiel spoke through Kieran again, "What you are proposing is risky, Flemeth. Even for one such as yourself."

"'Tis true. But Morrigan is right. I have been many things in my life, but a good mother has never been one of them. This is something I can do. For her… and my grandson."

Morrigan gasped, "Mother?" barely keeping herself outside of the circle. Alistair still held her tightly and wrapped his other arm around her protectively.

Flemeth nodded to Morrigan before turning once again and knelt before Urthemiel in supplication. "If a vessel is what you require, I invite you, Urthemiel, to inhabit mine. With Mythal's strength to aid me, I will be able to contain you both until the time comes when we can find a willing party to invoke you into them."

Kieran took Flemeth's hands in his own and shared moment of silent communication before they both closed their eyes. Kieran tipped his head back and opened his mouth. His body began to glow with a soft blue hue. As it coalesced at his heart center, the glow intensified, then seemed to flow up and out his mouth then into Flemeth's where it moved to her heart center and blended into the soft red of Mythal's light turning it to a soft purple.

There was a tightness around Flemeth's eyes when she first opened them, but it was quickly covered by a mask of neutrality. With a fond smile, she embraced Kieran and kissed him softly on the forehead.

Kieran looked up, uncertain. "Does this mean I'll have no more dreams?"

She answered quietly, "No more dreams, Kieran. You'll still have your magic that you'll need to control, but you won't have to worry about it increasing any longer." She pulled Kieran in for another hug. "You will be fine, child. Do not worry. You'll have your mother." She looked at Alistair with a small knowing smile. "And your father." She let her gaze flit to Cullen before focusing back on Kieran again. "And if you ask really nicely, he may even share his Templar with you to help with your containment problem. You will have everything you need to keep yourself safe. And we will meet again, so do not mourn my absence. I will always watch over you." She smiled as she stood up.

Kieran ran to Morrigan and hugged her tightly.

Alistair finally released his hold, allowing for their reunion while he kept a wary eye on Flemeth.

Flemeth stared hard at her daughter. "A soul is not forced upon the unwilling, Morrigan." She looked away painfully. "You were never in danger from me." With a sad smile, she turned and walked to the edge of the circle. As her foot breached the edge, she disappeared, erasing all evidence of the circle's existence.

Morrigan reached out and hollered, "Wait!" But Flemeth was already gone.

Checking Kieran over from head to toe, she pulled him back into her arms and held him tightly. "I missed you so much, Kieran."

"I missed you too, mother. I'm sorry if I worried you. I bet Master Felix is worried too, we should get back and tell him I'm okay. You know how he worries about me."

With a soft chuckle, she kissed him one more time on top of the head before standing and locking eyes with Alistair. "Say one word, Alistair…" She pointed a threatening finger at him.

"I know, I know. Zap! Frog Time!" He chuckled softly as he took in this new side of Morrigan. With a quick glance to the others, and a shared smile with Cullen, he took a step to the side and deftly cut a hole in the veil, creating a portal between their current location and the library. "Anyone else ready to be home?" Holding the portal steady, Alistair waited patiently as one-by-one they climbed through, holding Cullen behind for just a moment to give him a quick kiss and mouthing 'thank you' before passing through behind him.

* * *

Felix startled at his desk as the group emerged through the portal on the second floor of the library. Once his gaze fell on Kieran, he raced to the boy's side and pulled him into his arms. "Maker's breath, am I glad to see you! Are you all right?"

"Hello, Felix," Kieran said sheepishly. "I'm sorry if I worried you!"

"He's sorry he worried him? " Alistair asked in fond disbelief, as he mended the tear he'd made in the veil behind him.

Morrigan chuckled as Kieran turned to her. "I'm sorry if I worried you too, mother. I thought it was the only way to keep myself safe. To keep you safe."

"I understand. All that matters, is that you're home now. I don't know what I'd do without you." She pulled Kieran in for another hug.

Cullen cleared his throat pointedly.

"I suppose some introductions are in order." She indicated the group surrounding them. "Kieran, you already know Lana and Leliana."

He nodded, offering up his hand to shake. "Of course. It's nice to see you both again." He smiled politely.

Lana and Leliana both rolled their eyes and sandwiched him in a hug. "Kieran, we're family, your aunts-of a sort," Lana said. "There's no reason for you to be so formal."

Leliana nodded her agreement and ruffled his hair playfully causing the first real childish grin to grace his face.

"Very well, Aunties, but as family- does that mean you'll help me cover my tracks when I misbehave?" The smirk and wink that crossed his face was so very like Alistair's that Cullen couldn't help his bark of laughter.

With her own chuckle and a resigned shake of her head, Morrigan offered up more introductions. "Kieran, this is Dorian; he's the one who tracked you through the eluvian. If it weren't for his help, I don't know that I ever would have found you."

His features once again schooled to seriousness, Kieran reached out his hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Dorian."

Shaking his hand solemnly, Dorian responded, "The pleasure is mine, young man. You had many people worried. It was the least I could do to help."

Kieran's eyes landed on Alistair next, a small smile played across his lips. "Hello, father," he said, without preamble.

Uncertain how to proceed, Alistair decided to play it safe and kneel so he could see Kieran eye-to-eye. "Hello, Kieran. I've waited a very long time to finally meet you." He reached out his hand to shake, but Kieran bypassed it after a moment's hesitation, stepping into his arms and wrapping his own around Alistair's neck. With a soft intake of breath, Alistair instantly melted into the hug while trying to hide a sniffle.

Pulling back with a pleased grin, Kieran said, "We've met before, father. In the fade. I have dreamt of you many times, but you didn't know it was me. Urthemiel assured me that if I was patient, I would get to meet you." With a side look toward his mother, he winked at Alistair then whispered conspiratorially, "I knew Mother wouldn't be able to keep us apart forever."

Alistair laughed and pulled Kieran in for another hug. "Maker's breath, you are perfect." He grinned cheekily up at Morrigan who rolled her eyes fondly.

"Yes, yes. He is very much your son. You'd be proud of some of the antics he gets up to."

Standing, Alistair took Kieran's hand and pulled him over to Cullen, taking his hand with his other. "Kieran, this is—"

"You're the Templar , aren't you?" Kieran interrupted.

Cullen took a knee, as Alistair had done before. "I was … how could you tell?"

Kieran seemed to look all around Cullen before letting their eyes lock again, "You glow with the Maker's light. Urthemiel spoke of you and approved of your true faith. Or… did , before he left." With a sad longing in his eye, he looked at Morrigan. "It's too quiet now, mother."

"I know, Kieran. 'Twill be all right." She stepped closer and placed her hands on his shoulders.

"He's alone now in his mind, but all of the knowledge is still within him," Lana said from next to Felix's desk. "He's been touched by something none of us will ever be able to truly fathom. That will stay with him forever. Morrigan, have you thought about what you will do now?"

"I have, indeed, though I fear our options are limited. His skill has already surpassed my own and without Urthemiel's help, I fear I won't be able to help him contain and siphon off his magic any longer. 'Tis probable that I should need seek my mother's help, after all."

Kieran still stared deeply into Cullen's eyes. "Don't worry for me, mother. Urthemiel gave me the knowledge I need to control it, and the answer to helping me stay safe until I am strong enough to contain it on my own… is right in front of me."

Cullen nodded. "You need someone to help drain off your excess magical stores, is that right?"

Kieran smiled sheepishly. "When I'm bigger, I will be able to do it on my own, but right now… it's too much for me. Will you help? Grandmother seemed to think that you were the answer we'd been seeking."

"I can, and I will. I understand that it hurts your mother to keep up with how quickly you replenish?"

Kieran looked down and nodded sadly. "It won't… hurt you , will it?" he asked hesitantly.

Cullen smiled reassuringly. "No, Kieran. It will not hurt me at all, and it shouldn't hurt you either. How often do you need assistance?"

Morrigan answered, sounding reluctantly hopeful. "I have to drain his magic daily, but… I had an old god's assistance and the amulet to help contain it. Even with the assistance and all of my strength, I was unable to fully deplete him. If you can do as he says you can… we would only need to impose on you every other day."

Cullen felt Alistair squeeze his hand and heard his breath hitch.

With another reassuring smile, Cullen stood and faced Morrigan, "Looks like you'll be sticking around for awhile then." He smiled, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "It will be no imposition at all. Alistair is my family which makes Kieran my responsibility as well. Families take care of each other."

'''Twas not the way I was raised, but it seems I have no choice but to accept."

"Just because you weren't raised that way, doesn't mean it's not the way it should be," Cullen encouraged.

"Fine. We will try it for a time. 'Twood seem that Kieran would like to get to know his father anyway, so we'll be staying… for a while longer."

With a high pitched squeal, Lana and Leliana pulled Morrigan into a tight hug.

Alistair draped his arm over Cullen's shoulder and grinned at Kieran. "It looks like your little two person family just increased by four. You going to be okay with that?"

Kieran looked over at his Aunties dancing in circles with his mother. With a roll of his eyes, he quirked his eyebrow and snickered back, "Will you?"

Alistair laughed, leaning into Cullen. "Okay, I'll admit it. You were right. Not sure how you saw it in the picture, but I totally see it now!"

Removing herself from the overzealous revelry, Morrigan composed herself, once again. She stated with poorly concealed relief, "'Twould seem that I have little choice, there is nothing I wouldn't do for Kieran. He is my everything."'

Kieran's smile lit up the room. "Denerim will make a nice home for us. No more running."

"No more running," Morrigan said. "We'll start looking for a permanent place to stay tomorrow. Today, I'd like to take you back to the hotel, get you something to eat, and—"

Alistair cleared his throat, looking quickly to Lana for approval. At her indulgent nod, he continued. "Morrigan, if you would permit me. I actually. Um… well, I own the building that Lana and Leliana live in. There are four apartments in it total—one on each level. The first floor is currently set up as a common area for everyone to share. Lana and Leliana live on the third floor, I'm saving the top floor for myself and…" He paused and snuck a quick little glance at Cullen. "…for when I needed more space. There's a pool and hot tub on the roof as well. I would like to offer you and Kieran the second floor for yourselves. It has three bedrooms that are already furnished, but you can change out anything you want to suit your tastes or needs."

Morrigan started to speak, but Alistair cut her off. "I know, you probably don't want to be that close to me, but it's been so long, and I'd really like to help and be there to raise Kieran too. I want to make up for lost time and be the father to him that you and I never had for ourselves. I think he deserves that much." Alistair bowed his head and mumbled to himself. "I'd like to think… I do too."

Morrigan approached quietly while Alistair rambled uncomfortably. As she laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, he looked up, surprised to find her so close and smiling at him. "You bumbling fool," she said, though not unkindly. "What I started to say, before you got so distracted thinking I was going to turn you down, was that it would be nice to have us all together again. And…" She lowered her voice to add, "thank you. That is a very kind offer. I accept."

They stared at each other uncomfortably for a moment before Alistair wrapped his arms around her. Morrigan stiffened, then relaxed into his hug, patting him on the back a few times before stepping away with an awkward chuckle. "Okay, okay. You sentimental old fool. We can work out the details later." She turned to Keiran. "Why don't you go collect your things so we can head to our new home."

Kieran beamed at his mother then grabbed Alistair's hand to drag him over to the table so he could collect his books. Alistair followed along laughing happily.

Cullen watched everything play out, happiness and joy written openly on his face. As Morrigan approached him, he sighed with contentment. "Thank you, Morrigan. I think you've made him a very happy boy." He smiled affectionately over to where Alistair was pointing out something interesting on the cover of one of the books."

"Alistair seems happy as well."

"I was actually referring to Alistair," he chuckled. "You've known him longer than I have; have you ever seen him so excited about anything?"

"Well, there was this one time that Lana brought back a little stuffed doll for him from one of her missions. You'd think he just won the lottery with how excited he got." She smiled fondly at the memory. "But, to answer your question, no. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy. He's changed a lot, you know. He's not nearly as annoying now." She grinned mischievously.

Leliana wrapped her arm around Morrigan's shoulder and laid her head on her shoulder. "Hey, we all grow up sometime."

Morrigan scoffed, watching Alistair chase Kieran around the library, cackling like a hyena. "He'll never grow up; he's just less obnoxious about it now."

Lana wrapped her arm around Morrigan from the other side. "Parenthood seems to do that to people."

Morrigan sighed happily as she watched Alistair and Kieran sit down at the chess table. "So it seems. Though, now I fear we'll never get out of here. They've just started a game." She leaned against the edge of Felix's desk. "Tell me, old friend. Any chance you have need of an archivist here? Apparently, I will be staying for a time." She grinned at Felix who looked like he was just handed the greatest Satinalia present ever.

"Oh… I think we might be able to find space for you," he answered with a wink, then looked to Dorian removing the amulet from around his neck. "Since Kieran won't be needing this anymore, I'd feel better if you took the key and kept it far away from here."

Dorian pocketed the amulet with a nod. "I will keep it safe in Minrathous, Felix. Should you ever decide to continue your father's studies, you know where to find it."

Felix nodded his thanks.

Watching the chess game from across the room, Cullen suddenly grinned evilly. Walking to Kieran's side, he whispered quietly into his ear.

Kieran's eyes lit up as he tracked the pieces on the board. With two more moves, he captured Alistair's queen and placed his king in checkmate.

"Hey! You ganged up on me!" Alistair's smile contradicted his tone. "No Fair!"

Kieran laughed joyfully and turned to Cullen. "Thanks!"

Cullen grinned at Kieran and playfully mussed his hair. "Happy to help! But for now, I think it's time that we all headed home. It's been a very long day."

"Okay." Kieran yawned, then shouldered his pack and went to join his mother.

Pulling Alistair into his arms, Cullen kissed him on the cheek. "Are you happy, my love?"

"Do you really need to ask?"

"No, not really." He tilted Alistair's chin and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. "C'mon. Let's get our family home, you can show me this secret apartment you've kept hidden from me all this time." He chuckled, shaking his head.

"What's so funny?" Alistair asked.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me that you had a pool!"

"I honestly didn't think about it! I've always just considered it Lana and Leliana's place. The idea that we could one day move into it too was just a distant dream of mine."

"And now?"

Alistair grinned. "I'm thinking that pool might just be my salvation for all secrets we've revealed lately."

"There aren't any more I should know about, are there?"

"Well… I may have a bit more real estate floating around Denerim. Income properties mostly. My lawyer has a list of my assets if you'd wish to see."

Shaking his head, Cullen whispered in his ear. "The only ass et of yours I want to see, is you naked in that pool."

Alistair batted Cullen's hands away. "You are a naughty, naughty boy. You know that, Mr. Rutherford?"

"So, you've said. But I have it on good authority that you love me anyway."

"That, I do. I really do." Alistair kissed Cullen one last time before grabbing his hand to head home.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Well, my loves. We've come to the end of this little tale, but not the end of their story. I honestly can't be more excited and pleased with how amazing this experience has been! Thank you so much for coming along for the ride, for encouraging me, and making suggestions of things you'd like to see more of along the way. If I've left any holes, or questions you think I've left unanswered, please feel free to ask and I will do my best to fill it in for you! :)

Make sure you subscribe to both this story as well as the series as I will be adding to both in time. :) I have two more story arcs planned, several one-shots, and the possibility of a crossover. (whistles not so innocently to self) Or you can follow me directly if you're interested in some of my 'other' Alistair based creations as well. (honestly, he's in everything I write... with the exception of one, which didn't mention anyone by name... but who could, maybe, have been about him too-if you squint really hard).

You can also find me as **Aurlyn** on Tumblr, where my world is entirely Dragon Age/Alistair based (with a side of Supernatural/Destiel). I'm not ashamed. ;)

I need to give out a final (for now) shout out to a few people who've been helping me along the way:

 **Ponticle** Has been my ever present editor. No matter what the world was dishing out or how many crazy hours she worked in the week - she always made time to answer questions and give me read throughs. Thank you, my dear, for sharing your wisdom, your friendship, your love of my sexy semicolons, and occasionally the kick in the ass I needed to keep going. You are an inspiration!

 **Connie Flint** Was there when I began my long overdue return to writing and helped me with the first half of this story before she had to step away to take care of real life. Thank you, my dear, for everything!

 **Lola Vega / Lola Auditore** My own personal cheerleader and last minute reader when I needed a quick once over. I'm happy that this little story of mine has brought you into my life! I hope you don't mind me sticking around... you're now stuck with me! ;)

And finally, to my writing group, **The Keystrokes** on Discord. Ponticle, Earl Greyer, D &K, Ricochet, Meelah, Somanyjax, Purpleplunderbunny... and several others who've stopped in however briefly. You keep me going, keep me laughing, and always make me feel loved and accepted for being me! Yes, I'm sappy, but I'm feeling particularly blessed today.

Damnit, I hate saying goodbye. So I won't!  
Until next time, my friends! May the Maker guide you! :)


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary:**

A fluffy little 'day after' for you now that Kieran is back home safe and sound.  
Also, some additional artwork that makes me incredibly happy!  
Enjoy!

* * *

 **Notes:**

Did you miss me? Cause I know these boys and I sure missed you! ;)

* * *

 **All recognizable content belongs to Bioware/EA Games,  
All twisted perversions therein,  
I will take my own credit for, thank-you very much!**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 43**

Monkeying Around - Secrets and Salvation - Epilogue (of sorts)

* * *

 **Saturday**

Cullen woke to an abrupt jostling of the bed and Alistair grumbling quietly to himself. "Damnit! Clumsy oaf. S ure , you can juggle damn near anything and tumble your way out of most sticky situations, but can you manage to walk across your half-lit bedroom without running into the bed? No-of course not!" His verbal chastizations dissolved into incoherent mumbles as he shuffled about the room.

Feigning sleep, Cullen kept his eyes closed and his breathing even. He wasn't quite ready to get out of bed yet, especially after such an exhausting couple of weeks. However, he was ready to jump in and intervene if Alistair tried to make them breakfast again. Some things are more important than sleep, keeping Alistair from burning down the kitchen is pretty close to the top of that list.

Cullen felt the side of the bed dip and dared to pry one eye open. He drank in the well defined ridges of Alistair's back as he sat on the edge of the bed, bending over to slip on his sneakers. Alistair was dressed only in a pair of loose fitting running shorts which did little to quell the growing desire within Cullen.

Licking his lips, he contemplated kissing each one of Alistair's freckles and biting at the tender flesh at the bottom of Alistair's ribs. "Where do you think you're going so early?" Cullen asked, his voice still thick with sleep.

Alistair looked over his shoulder sheepishly. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to wake you."

Cullen rolled closer and stroked his fingers lovingly down Alistair's back. "Is everything okay?"

"I couldn't sleep." Alistair took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm too wound up... too excited... too nervous about how things might go later when we meet up with Morrigan and Kieran for breakfast. I needed some sort of an outlet to shut my brain off so I figured I'd get in a quick workout and be back before you woke up." He shrugged apologetically.

Cullen wrapped his arms around Alistair's middle and rolled him unceremoniously across his body and back into the bed where he pinned him to the mattress.

Alistair giggled in surprise. "Hey! I've got my shoes on!"

"I don't care." Cullen lavished kisses across Alistair's chest before focusing on one of his nipples.

"But, I'll get our bedding dirty," Alistair protested weakly between tiny sounds of pleasure.

Cullen lay a trail of kisses to Alistair's neck as he positioned himself between his legs, lining their rapidly growing erections up together. "I'll wash them," he breathed out with a moan.

"Cull—" Alistair's words were swallowed by a kiss. He pushed at Cullen, half-heartedly complaining, "Eeewww… morning breath."

Cullen grinned evilly. "That's what you get for waking me up so early-on a day off, no less, while planning on sneaking out on me. I can't just let that slide." He gently nipped at Alistair's sensitive ear.

"Uh, GAH!" Alistair bucked his hips, unsuccessfully trying to dislodge Cullen from his perch above him. "Not the ears! I'll never get out of here if you start on my-"

Cullen dove in again, licking a stripe along the outer ridge of his ear before pecking a chaste kiss on the corner of Alistair's mouth. Stilling his hips, he waited with an innocent smile while Alistair caught his breath and regained his composure.

"You are an evil, evil man," Alistair said breathlessly, releasing his grip on the sheets.

"I've been called worse." Cullen grinned unapologetically. "You said you needed an outlet, I'm only trying to help."

"Mmm. As tempting as that is-and it is really tempting-I'm already dressed for my run..."

"I can fix that easy enough," Cullen said with a smirk as he slowly kissed his way down Alistair's body.

"Sweet, Maker." Alistair gasped, his fingers finding their way into Cullen's hair. "You're going to be the death of me."

Cullen looked up from where he'd been mouthing over the bulge tenting Alistair's shorts. "I could stop if you'd like. Like you said, you are already dressed for a run. Maybe we should come back to this later." Cullen pulled the waistband down only enough to free the head of Alistair's cock. Licking the bead of precum from the tip, he circled it with his tongue, before engulfing it with his mouth.

Alistair moaned, "No. 's fine. This is-" Alistair's words were cut off by the shrill ringing of the house-phone. "Damnit!" He grumbled, holding Cullen in place for a moment longer, then tugged on his hair to pull him off with a disgruntled sigh.

Cullen chuckled and rolled over so Alistair could get up to answer it.

"Someone better be dead or dying..." Alistair said by way of greeting. Cullen looked on in question as Alistair's eyes snapped back at him. "Shit, Rylen! I'm sorry. Yes, he's… Kieran's home safe… No he's… yeah, okay." He paused for a moment, pulling the phone away from his head as Rylen gave him an earful. "I am truly sorry, Rylen. Let me put him on the phone-he can update you with the rest."

Holding the handset to his chest, he whispered. "You never checked in last night. Rylen's still at the precinct..."

Cullen groaned audibly, rubbing his hands down his face. He wrapped himself in the sheet as he sat up and retrieved the phone from Alistair. "I am so sorry, Rylen."

"Do you realize what time it is, Sir?" Rylen asked heatedly.

Cullen checked his watch. "A quarter past five?"

"Do I even want to know what time you guys got back last night?"

"Um… late?"

"You don't actually know, do you?" Rylen asked exasperated.

"Well, there was a lot going on and we-"

"There's no excuse for not checking in, Sir. You always check in!" Rylen sounded like he was on the verge of breaking down. "What was I supposed to think? I've been trying to call your cell for hours. I even tried Alistair's before I called your apartment."

Cullen groaned. "You woke up Dorian?" He grabbed his cellphone, switching it on. There were fifteen missed calls and even more missed text messages; most of them were from Rylen but there were also three disgruntled texts from Dorian.

"He's the one that said to try this number and that you owe him for me disrupting his beauty sleep for something that could have so easily been avoided." Rylen chuckled uncomfortably, then took a deep breath and let it out in a rush.

"I cannot apologize enough, Rylen. We turned our phones off before we left for the library last night and were so tired when we got back, that I guess we never turned them back on again. And you're right, there's no excuse…"

"You're damn right there's not! I've been waiting here, worried that something happened… that you wouldn't be coming back… that I'd have to figure this all out on my own..." Rylen finished on a whisper.

"We're all fine, and I wouldn't have left you without a backup plan in place. I promise."

Rylen sighed again. "Fine, whatever. I'm beat. Permission to go home and get some sleep?"

"Granted. Take the rest of today off and enjoy your weekend. We'll reconvene on Monday to finish the reports and start your training. If you need anything at all, give one of us a call. My phone's back on again and I won't be turning it off."

"Aye, Sir. Enjoy the rest of your morning."

"You too, Rylen." Cullen put the phone back in its cradle and looked over to where Alistair was smirking at him from the doorway. "Well, that killed the mood." He chuckled.

Alistair grinned and walked over to where Cullen was sitting on the side of the bed. Stepping between his knees, he pulled Cullen's head to his belly, running his fingers through his hair. "I still have energy to burn off. Do you… uh, want to come with me?"

"Where exactly would we be going?" Cullen asked.

"I was planning on taking the path along the waterfront."

"It's been awhile since we've run together."

Alistair sighed. "I know. I've missed it. So, what do you say?" He tilted Cullen's chin up and kissed him lightly on the forehead.

"I've missed it too." Cullen smiled brightly. "I'd love to go with you, as long as you promise that we can finish what we started later."

Alistair suddenly grinned. "I'll tell you what. If you can catch me while we're out, I promise to give you an extra special reward when we get back." The mischievous glint was back in his eye.

Not one to turn down a challenge, Cullen laughed. "You're on. Give me five minutes to get myself ready and we can head out."

"I liked this plan, up until the point where you have to get dressed. Can I protest that part?" He took a step back, making room for Cullen to stand.

"You can protest all you want, that doesn't mean I'll be streaking across the waterfront after you." Cullen stepped into Alistair's space and kissed him one more time, dropping the sheet in the process. With a wink, he sauntered toward the bathroom completely naked.

Alistair whimpered.

* * *

Five minutes later, they slipped out the side door of the pub and into the crisp morning air. They walked toward the waterfront at a quick pace to warm up, stopping at a small bench to stretch before they began their run.

Cullen placed his foot on top of the bench and lunged into it. "So, are you going to tell me what exactly has you so worked up this morning? Usually I'm the one trying to convince you to get out of bed so early."

"It's just-" Alistair grinned. "We found him, Cullen! Kieran's home-safe, and they're going to stay! I get to be the father I never had. I'm just so happy I could burst, and my brain won't shut off thinking about all of the things I want to show him."

Cullen smiled. "We have all the time in the world now, love, just don't forget to stop by and introduce him to Mother Natalie."

If possible, Alistair's smile grew even larger. "She's going to love him."

"Of that, I have no doubt." Cullen bent at the waist and touched his toes before standing again and doing a few twists. "So... is Kieran everything you were expecting?"

"Yes? And no." Alistair stretched an arm across his chest, loosening up his shoulders. "I guess a part of me just figured he'd be serious and cynical like Morrigan. I never imagined that his personality would be so much like mine."

Cullen laughed. "He is definitely a lot like his father. I'm a little worried about that part actually; I'm not sure the world is ready for two of you." Cullen winked.

"Hey!" Alistair protested, walking up to Cullen, he wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed him gently. "The world is a more beautiful place for having two of me in it!"

Returning the embrace, Cullen smiled. "That it is. As long as he's not as much of a menace in the kitchen as you are, we should be fine." He dodged out of the way as Alistair swiped harmlessly at his chest.

"Well, he can't be any worse in the kitchen than I am, that's for sure. Hopefully, he'll take after his mother in that respect, but it wouldn't hurt to purchase a few more fire extinguishers… just in case." Alistair laughed.

"We can do that, and we'll double the amount in the new apartment as well." Cullen grinned. "So… will I get to see the new place after breakfast today? I was a little disappointed that I didn't get the tour last night."

"It was late and everyone was already so tired. I want you to have time to fully appreciate it. Besides, we still needed to drop Dorian off at your apartment before we could get to bed ourselves. And you didn't seem to be complaining too much last night."

Cullen grinned. "Complaining about getting you home, naked, and in the shower? I don't think so. I can't imagine ever complaining about that ."

"Before we go see it, I should probably warn you that the top floor needs to be updated before it will be ready for us to move in. Aesthetics mostly. I'd like for us to go through it and make a list of things we want before finding someone to help with the renovations and decorating. Once we get that timetable established, we can talk about when to make the big move."

"If you don't already have someone in mind, I know an interior designer that does really good work. Vivienne did Dorian and Bull's apartment in Minrathous. She's a little abrupt and can be pretty opinionated, but she took in all of their unique desires and requirements and made their place perfect for them."

"I'd be happy to meet with her. The last person to help me decorate was my lawyer. I don't think I want Anders helping us plan our new home together, though." Alistair looked down with a slight flush to his cheeks.

"Oh," Cullen said. "Is there… history there?"

"It's not as exciting as it sounds." Alistair shrugged. "There was a time when Anders and I had a… Wardens with Benefits type of relationship . Nothing more than stress relief after disconcerting missions." He smiled reassuringly. "But that was many years ago, before Lana and I retired . He's a lawyer by trade and never could resist a just cause or an opportunity to help the underdog. We've stayed friends over the years. He keeps me in good legal standing and also helped me settle into the loft when I first inherited the building. Believe me, we don't want him helping to decorate the new place. It took me forever to discreetly get rid of all the floral throw pillows and framed pictures of kittens he helped me decorate with."

Cullen chuckled. "Well, we can't have that. I'll get Vivienne's number from Dorian. Then once everything is settled, he and Bull can take over my apartment. Have you thought about what you want to do with the loft once we move?"

"Well, it's already a gym and dojo. Once we get the entertainment center out of there, that will free up space for more equipment."

"Any excuse to buy more toys, huh?"

Alistair grinned excitedly. "Of course! We'll need a proper training facility to work with Rylen, after all. I think I'd like to keep the bed in the bedroom though, for naps and uh… other things." Alistair winked. "Maybe add a massage table too."

"Now, that I can get on board with." Cullen licked his lips eyeing Alistair's bare torso as he stretched his arms above his head.

"Hey, hey! Eyes up here, Mister! None of that," Alistair chastised. "Run first… then play—."

Cullen nodded distractedly, tearing his eyes away to meet Alistair's.

Sauntering forward slowly, Alistair quickly tapped Cullen on the chest and took off in the opposite direction. He called over his shoulder with a cackle, "You still have to catch me first, Cullen."

With a laugh, Cullen started after Alistair. The first leg of their run was done fairly slowly, giving their muscles time to warm up. Cullen let Alistair keep the lead, he really didn't mind the view. A mostly naked Alistair was one of his favorite things; second only to a completely naked Alistair.

When they reached the end of the park on the edge of the bay, Alistair glanced quickly over his shoulder then sprinted off into the trees. Cullen took off after him at a dead run, trying to follow the quick little fucker as he dodged through obstacles, but he was weaving in and out so fast that Cullen soon fell behind and eventually lost sight of him all together.

When he reached the clearing, Cullen couldn't see any evidence of Alistair anywhere. He stopped, panting, under a tree and looked for any indication that Alistair had come this way.

There wasn't any.

"Well, shit," he said with a chuckle. Looking around, he decided to take a few breaths to let his heart rate settle. They'd run together many times but this was the first time that Alistair had actually gotten away from him. Cullen turned to head back in the direction he'd come, but paused when he heard an unnatural rustle of the leaves. Looking around, he was instantly on guard. No weapons-hell, he wasn't even wearing much clothing, but that didn't mean that he was defenseless.

The tree closest to him rustled and when he looked up, Alistair's sweaty upper body dropped down from the lowest branch. Hanging by his knees and one arm, Alistair waved. "Miss me?" He teased, the glint of humor in his eyes reflected in his playful banter.

"Alistair, quit monkeying around!" Cullen chuckled.

"Can't. Or perhaps-I just don't want to," he said cheekily.

"Why not?"

"Because…"

"Because why?" Cullen walked closer. With Alistair hanging upside down and Cullen standing firmly on the ground, they stared nearly eye to eye.

"Because, you haven't caught me yet."

"Oh? And what do I get when I catch you?"

Alistair grinned easily and crooked his finger, beckoning Cullen closer.

Cullen took a step, not sure he should trust Alistair when he was in this playful of a mood. He crooked his eyebrow and waited.

Alistair shook his head and beckoned him again, so Cullen took another step forward, then one more. Standing stoically beneath the tree, Cullen prepared himself for the worst, but hoped for the best. Sometimes it was easier just to go with it, and sometimes... it was better to turn the tide and go for the unexpected.

With the softening of Alistair's eyes, Cullen smirked. Taking that last step forward, Cullen claimed Alistair's lips in a soft, sensual kiss-one small peck led to another. As Alistair slowly melted into the affections, Cullen kissed him long and hard, then pushed away, bolting back toward their apartment.

"Gotcha, Al. Your turn to catch me!" Cullen called over his shoulder, leaving a speechless Alistair still dangling from the tree. Before he turned completely, he saw Alistair tumble gracefully from the limb, landing on his feet. "Show off!" He shouted, but could spare no more breath as he knew he needed to pick up speed if he was going to make it back to the loft before Alistair caught up with him. The small head start he had would only give him so much leeway. But he knew—caught or not—it was going to be worth it. He loved this playful side of Alistair. He loved every side of Alistair and just counted himself blessed to be able to share in all aspects of his life.

Who knew that less than a year ago, they'd be so content-living together, about to start discussions on creating a brand new place of their very own. A mutual place, a little bit of each of them put into it. Cullen couldn't be happier.

He loved this life; he loved everything about it. A year ago, he was alone. Successful and content enough in his everyday routines, but still… everything was terribly bland. There was no spark to it. Now? He had everything he never dared hope for and still more hope for the future. Cullen knew, undeniably, that he wanted Alistair to be a part of it.

As they laughed-dodging through the trees, calling out to each other, taunting, teasing-Cullen knew that if he woke up everyday to this life, he would be happy and content. Life couldn't possibly get more perfect.

With a last glance over his shoulder and a quick burst of speed, Cullen took off for their door. The realization that this was the life he wanted forever , spurred him on. He wanted to do something about it; he needed to find some way to show Alistair just how much he meant to him. More decisions needed to be made, the right questions asked. He'd need to enlist Lana's help with some of it too.

Soon.

For now… home was within reach. There were plans to go out to breakfast later, but there was plenty of time for them now. Alistair made him a promise, and he absolutely was going to insist on it being kept.

He did catch him after all.

Sort of.

As Cullen reached out to grasp the handle of the door, Alistair's fingers gripped his shoulder and spun him around. He would never get tired of the look of pure joy and adoration that Alistair gave him. As their lips met, soft and warm, Cullen felt a piece of himself click into place.

This was his life now.

It didn't matter what trials they inevitably faced, together they could overcome anything.

With Alistair in his arms and at his side, life would always have the potential to be… perfect.

* * *

 **Must See Artwork!**

At the end of last year, I contacted the very talented **Kacha** and commissioned her to draw a little something for me. At the time, I didn't have anything written to go with it, but I knew that it needed to be remedied-ASAP! She was a sweetheart to work with and I couldn't be happier with the results. So here you are, an extra bonus chapter that needed to be _only_ because I've had a beautiful piece of eye-candy staring at me, begging for something to go with it.

You can find the picture over on Tumblr, I've reblogged it with the announcement of this chapter's posting. Please take a minute to go see the picture she drew of these two boys "monkeying around" as well as some of **Kacha's** other artwork: (She is Froschkuss on Tumblr). I promise you won't regret it. :)

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** Even though I have an amazing editor that makes my work pretty-all errors are my own. Especially this time, because once I got it back, I changed most of it around and nearly doubled the length of the chapter. So yeah - don't blame them, this one's all on me! ;)

* * *

 **End Notes:**

My humble and heartfelt thanks to **you** for sticking with me and this little obsession of mine for so long. Keep in mind that this tale is not yet over, so make sure you subscribe to this series or to me to make sure you get updates when they come in! The next section will be titled, Mishaps and Misfortune, but don't worry, it won't be any darker than what you've seen so far, and will undoubtably end fluffy and happy (with some smut thrown in-probably). ;) And for the record, I have dropped some breadcrumbs in this chapter to give you some teasers into the future for these boys. Because I'm a little bit evil that way. ;) You're welcome.

 **Cocktails & Cheese** wouldn't be nearly as polished without the aid of the ever amazing **Ponticle**. Every single chapter has been touched by their hand in one way or another and I can't even begin to express how incredibly grateful I am for their gentle guidance and the occasional hard ass whippings I get that keep me in line and on task! (figuratively speaking, of course) ;) Thank you, my dear, for all you have taught me and continue to teach... you are an inspiration!

I also want to send a special thank you to **Lola Vega / Lola Auditore** for last minute read-throughs and for being my ever present cheerleader. I still blame you for Alistair's fear of biscuit cans and how incredibly disastrous he is in the kitchen. No hero can be completely perfect, after all. ;) Thank you!

And finally, if it weren't for my amazing writing group- **The Keystrokes** on Discord-I would probably still be staring at the blinking curser on my blank computer screen. The Maker has truly blessed me with such a positive group of troublemakers and co-conspirators. They keep me grounded and focused and help me sprint through my writers block, lack of direction, and occasionally, my bills. Sprinting cures all procrastination, 15 minute chunks at a time.

 **Until next time!**


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44: Mishaps & Misfortune Part 1**

* * *

 **Summary:**

The next story arc in our Cocktails & Cheese universe is upon us! Fifteen more chapters detailing the mis-adventures of Alistair Theirin and Cullen Rutherford. I'll be bringing in some new characters and welcoming in some old favorites.

I can't wait to take you on this journey!

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Recap:**  
If you'll remember **WAY** back in the 'Broken Bottle' story arc (Chapters 23 - 26), Alistair broke a bottle and was auctioned off to kiss sweet little innocent, Dania. There was 'almost' an altercation between Nick Mac Tir and our dear, Commander Cullen. Nick was deterred from his malevolent course of action and everyone ended up safe and happy.

Well… except for Nick.

Since I finished chapter 43 of Cocktails and Cheese almost a year ago, I ended up traveling down a C&C/Supernatural crossover rabbit hole. I just kept seeing the similarities between the Supernatural season 12 rifts and the Inquisition fade rifts and wanted to find out what would happen if Alistair and Cullen went through one and ended up meeting Castiel and Dean. (I mean really - giving Cullen the chance to talk to a real angel? I had to bite!)

I know crossover's aren't for everyone, so I kept that storyline separate, but still attached it to the Cocktails & Cheese Series (part three to be exact). It takes place during the year gap between the end of chapter 43 and the beginning of chapter 44. The only thing that you need to know, is that Alistair and Cullen went into the fade and ended up spending a day in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, but when they returned, six months had passed in Thedas. There will only be mild references to the span of time to keep things connected, but overall, if you choose not to read it, you shouldn't feel like you're missing anything.

If you do want to read it, you can find 'We're Not in Thedas Anymore' here on as well as my AO3, also under Aurlana.

And now, without further ado, I give you the next leg in our journey:  
 **Mishaps and Misfortune.**

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 44**

Mishaps and Misfortune Part 1

* * *

 **Tuesday - 2:15 am**

Alistair locked the door to the bar and began his walk home with Lana and Leliana at his side. He occasionally missed the non-existent commute, living above the pub, but he wouldn't trade his current living situation for anything.

Moving into the four story building around the corner was one of the best decisions he ever made. He'd owned it for years, but only Lana and Leliana lived there until his son Kieran entered his life. Once he realized that Morrigan was there to stay and he'd get to continue to be part of Kieran's life, it was an easy decision to have them move into the second floor unit, which left the fourth floor apartment for him and Cullen. It was well past time for them to make their living together 'official' anyway.

The renovation went fairly quickly. Every floor was already set up to accommodate an individual family; they each contained their own living room, kitchen, laundry, bed, and bathrooms. Lana and Leliana made-over the third floor when they first moved in, so they were all set. The second floor only needed a few homey touches to be ready for Kieran and Morrigan, and-after a few upgrades-the fourth floor was ready for Alistair and Cullen to move into as well.

The first floor became one of two communal living spaces. The two larger bedrooms were designated as guestrooms and the smaller one was converted into a small, in-home gym. The kitchen and dining room were set up to accommodate family-style meals with a large farmhouse table and chairs to seat twelve. An oversized sectional bracketing a big-screen television was the center point of the main living space. It was the perfect place for movie marathons, which inevitably led to popcorn fights between Alistair and Kieran.

The other shared space was on the roof. The pool, hottub, patio, grill, and incredible view of the Amaranthine Sea, made for a private little oasis where they could all retreat and spend their leisure time. It also provided a semi-private location where they could help Kieran work on his magic. With his whole family living under the same roof, Alistair was happier than he'd ever been before.

The interior designer that Cullen recommended went above and beyond combining their styles. Even Dorian approved, then proceeded to hire Vivienne to redo Cullen's old apartment so that he and Bull could inhabit it while they were in town.

Walking the short distance home, all Alistair wanted to do, was grab a quick shower and crawl into bed, wrapping himself around Cullen. He may only get a few hours per night to snuggle up to him, but Alistair savored every moment of it. At their floor, he bid Lana and Leliana goodnight and slowly made his way up the last flight of stairs to his apartment.

Cresting onto the landing, Alistair smiled at the single light left on next to the sofa. He'd stubbed his toes too many times, trying to sneak in at two-thirty in the morning, that Cullen started leaving a light on for him. Removing his shoes and jacket, Alistair locked up and went in search of his shower.

When he entered the bedroom, his eyes landed on the rumpled-empty-bed.

"Cullen?" he called out, searching their ensuite, but didn't get a response. He looked in the spare bedrooms, the office, and even in his private meditation room-still no Cullen. His shoes and keys were by the front door, so Alistair knew that he couldn't have gone far. With only one place left that Cullen could be, Alistair ascended the last flight of stairs that led to the roof.

When he opened the door leading outside, Alistair spied Cullen standing in the moonlight, staring blankly at the city's lights reflecting over the bay. Shoulders slumped and arms wrapped around his bare chest, Cullen shivered in the cool night air, the words of the Chant of Light tumbling from his lips. That action alone, told Alistair all he needed to know: this was Cullen comforting himself after another nightmare.

Alistair drew in a breath and approached slowly. "Hey, sweetheart. What are you doing up so late?"

Cullen shrugged. "I couldn't… sleep."

He wrapped his arms around Cullen's waist and rested his chin on Cullen's shoulder. "Dreams again?"

Relaxing into Alistair's embrace, Cullen nodded.

"You've had a lot of those lately," Alistair whispered, concerned.

Cullen turned, and with a weak smile, pulled Alistair into a hug. "I'm no stranger to nightmares, Al. I'll be ok."

"Why is it that you're the one having nightmares and yet, I'm the one being comforted?" Alistair chuckled, returning the hug. "And, I know you'll be ok. That doesn't mean I'm not going to worry. You were nightmare-free for almost a year; I just wish we knew why they're coming back now."

"I don't know," Cullen said. "Dorian thinks that it might be an omen."

"That doesn't sound ominous." Alistair sighed. "But I'm glad that you've talked to him about it. I think he worries about you almost as much as I do."

"He has had more than a decade to practice." Cullen leaned in, pressing their lips softly together; the comforting action lingering, yet chaste. He rested their foreheads together and closed his eyes. "I hate burdening you all with my personal demons."

"You're not burdening anyone. I love you and would take away all of your suffering in an instant if I could, and you'd do the same for me; for any of us. That's what families do." Alistair ran his fingers through Cullen's hair. "Did Dorian say anything else about why you might be having these dreams again?"

"Nothing specific. He just said that sometimes our subconscious can tell when the energies around us are starting to shift and will try to warn us. He also said that I should maintain my vigilance and try to get as much sleep as possible." Cullen laughed. "Trouble is, I sleep better when you're in bed with me."

Alistair rested his forehead against Cullen's again. "And I work so late. I'm sorry, love."

Cullen shook his head. "No, don't apologize. The sleep I get when we're together is enough for me to make it through my day. A couple hours with you is worth more than an entire evening alone." He touched Alistair's cheek. "Don't forget, I have Rylen covering my ass at work. Nothing is getting left undone."

"The fact that you need Rylen to cover your ass at all, is troubling. Maybe we should look further into this."

"Al, no. It's fine. I'm just sluggish in the morning, so Rylen has increased my coffee intake to compensate. It's not affecting my clarity or my reflexes, so don't worry, please."

"That's easier said than done. Would it do any good to tell you not to worry about me?"

"Point taken, but still. Maybe we should just agree to accept that we're going to worry about each other and move on."

"I can work with that." Alistair leaned in and kissed Cullen on the cheek. "How is Rylen holding up, anyway? He's got a lot on his plate with his new powers settling in. He deals with so much input, it must be pretty overwhelming."

"Yes, but it's not as bad as it used to be. And, he hasn't had anything new pop up for at least four months, so Lana thinks he may be through the last of his awakening."

Alistair shook his head. "Rylen is truly amazing. I've known Lana all of my adult life and she's always been the most aware person I've known. But his abilities make hers look like child's play. I mean, Maker's sake, the man can taste the colors of our emotions!"

Cullen chuckled. "Yes, but like Lana, he is humbled by his powers and refuses to exploit them. He's taken each new discovery on as a challenge to personally improve himself and doesn't rest until he's mastered it. I mean, he's only taken off work twice since he gained the sight. One was for the initial headache he had after we got back from the fade with Kieran. And the second vacation was when he and Jan got married."

Alistair smiled. "I'm just glad he forgave us for missing his wedding. I thought we'd never hear the end of that."

"He understood once he was reassured that we were back and safe from that little excursion. We missed so much of his transition while we were gone; I was expecting him to master his auras fairly quickly, but then the telekinesis and premonitions kicked in throwing him for a complete loop. I feel responsible for doing that to him."

"He was asked and gave full consent first, Cullen. Plus, you and I both know that he was close to waking on his own. It was actually better this way. At least he knew the potential of what he was walking into, even if not the full extent. He also knew he wasn't alone. And no one could have predicted his abilities manifesting the way they did. It's unprecedented."

"I know. It's true. I can't imagine him waking up to his new abilities one day and not having any idea what was going on. We are fortunate to be able to be here for him for this. Granted, you and I missed a huge chunk of it. We owe Lana so much for helping him while we were gone. I can't imagine where he'd be without her guidance."

"Probably dead-or worse-but I don't want to think about that. He's safe, he's part of our dysfunctional little family, and now-he's stuck with us." Alistair threw his head back and cackled, theatrically.

Cullen chuckled. "I love being a part of this dysfunctional little family." He gazed into Alistair's eyes while caressing his fingers down Alistair's cheek. "You are something else , Alistair. You know that? Life just wouldn't be the same without you." Cullen leaned in and kissed him.

Tightening his hold around Cullen's waist, Alistair lost himself in the kiss. With a breathless moan, he pulled away. "I've been on my feet all day and yet, ten minutes with you and I feel light as air and ready to do it all over again. How do you do this to me?"

"Just skill, I guess. Are you tired now?"

Alistair shook his head. "Not at the moment. When I left the bar, all I wanted was a shower and to crawl into bed with you."

"And now?"

Alistair nibbled his way up Cullen's neck, ending with a chaste peck on the lips. "Well, I still want a shower and to crawl into bed with you. But…"

"But?" Cullen grinned.

"But, now… I think I'd like you to join me."

"Well, I was already going to be in the bed."

"I mean in the shower ."

"I thought you were tired, love."

"I have enough energy for this."

"Do you ever- not -have enough energy for this?"

"Not when it comes to you." Alistair's grin softened. "How are you feeling? Better than when I got home?"

"I wasn't—"

Alistair placed a finger over Cullen's lips and shook his head. "Don't deny it; I saw you. This dream was a bad one and I want you to be honest with me."

Cullen kissed Alistair's finger. "You talking with me has distracted me enough to help me relax. You are a balm, as usual."

"So then it wouldn't be a bad thing for me to distract you further?" Alistair smirked.

Cullen pulled him in tightly and nipped at his ear. "I would really like that. Lead the way."

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Thank you all for reading!  
Barring any natural catastrophe's, this work will be updated weekly for the next 15 weeks! And I already have the next story arc in the works. ;)

My eternal gratitude and appreciation goes out to **Ponticle,** for their devotion to making my creativity look polished and presentable!

And for the support and love of my Discord writing group. They kept me sane throughout my 2018 NaNoWriMo journey and never let me doubt that I could do it! I love you **Keystrokes** every freakin one of you!


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary:**

 **Happy Valentine's Day!**

Have a chapter filled with gratuitous smut, some ominous foreshadowing, and more pics of my dolls. ;)

(doll pics can only be viewed on my AO3 - I'm Aurlana there too)

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 45**

Mishaps & Misfortune - Part 2

* * *

Alistair led Cullen to the shower and turned it on. With a sly wink over his shoulder, he slowly removed his work-shirt and tossed it blindly toward the dirty clothes bin. Before the fabric even hit the hamper, Cullen's hands were gliding down his chest, while he nipped and licked his way up the back of Alistair's neck.

"So impatient." Alistair chuckled while popping the button on his jeans.

Cullen batted his hand away. "I'll show you impatient ," he said, spinning Alistair around and pushing him up against the glass shower wall. "You promised me distractions and are taking too long; so now I'm just going to distract myself." Cullen dropped to his knees and grasped the zipper of Alistair's pants with his teeth. Looking up through his lashes, he pulled it down slowly with a feral grin.

Alistair's his eyes locked with Cullen's as his pants were pushed to the floor. All he could do was watch as Cullen guided his cock to his lips and swirled his tongue around the tip. Succumbing to the pleasure, he rested his head against the glass while Cullen worked him over with his mouth.

"Maker's breath," Alistair moaned. "You are way too good at this."

Thrusting shallowly, Alistair began to worry that this was going to be over way too soon. Tightening his fingers in Cullen's hair, he pulled him to his feet, right into a passionate kiss. "The things you do to me!" he finally gasped, holding Cullen flush with his body.

"You didn't let me finish," Cullen said, pointedly.

"Oh… we'll finish," Alistair said, catching his breath. "But not out here, with you still dressed. That's not quite fair, is it?" He pushed Cullen's sleep pants down his hips. "We can't have this distraction over quite that quickly. I need a shower first." Alistair sniffed and frowned. "I still smell like the bar, that's so not sexy."

Cullen stepped out of his pants, then guided Alistair in under their rainfall showerhead. "You smell fine and you're always sexy, but I'll humor you… for now." He dipped Alistair's head back and began to wash his hair, making sure to graze his sensitive ears.

Alistair was pliant and loose in Cullen's hands as he allowed himself to be taken care of. The hard ridges of their cocks occasionally brushed together, a cruel tease for things to come.

Cullen rinsed the suds from Alistair's hair, then sealed their lips together again before grabbing the soap and starting on his body. "Don't give me that look; you said you smelled like the bar, so I'm helping you… not smell like the bar." He studiously washed Alistair's body, lingering just a little bit longer over the swell of his ass.

Alistair reached for the body-wash and put a small dollop in his palm. "Oh, I'm definitely not complaining." Wrapping his hand around Cullen's shaft, he stroked slowly, swiping the pad of this thumb over the tip before retreating back down again.

"You're not going to make this easy for me are you?"

"No, actually. You know me—the harder, the better." Alistair winked.

"Is that how you plan on this going tonight?" Cullen grinned.

"I don't know… I think I'd rather do something a little different." Alistair's grip tightened on the next, upstroke. "It's been a while since you've fucked me in this shower."

Cullen moaned, "Hmmm. It's been a while since I've topped at all. I may want to take my time; slow down and savor the experience."

"Don't slow down too much, or I may turn into a really bossy bottom."

"Aren't you always?"

Alistair released his cock and slapped Cullen on the ass with a wink. "Yes, yes I am. And right now I'd really like to move this along."

"Hmm, so impatient," Cullen tsked. "And, so indecisive too. You do remember that I was just trying to suck you off, right?"

"I can't help the fact that I adore you all wet and slippery."

"Behave yourself, or those ears of yours may end up on the menu as well."

Alistair's hooded eyes snapped open, then resolved into a glare. "You wouldn't dare!"

Cullen stole a quick kiss. "Oh, I would. That's another thing I have been neglecting lately. I think they might miss me."

"You know, if you invite my ears to the party, this will be over before we really get started."

"But just think, you'll be that much more relaxed after you come… for the first time."

"The first time?" Alistair groaned. "You know we're not that young anymore, right?"

With a dark chuckle, Cullen teased his fingers over the seam of Alistair's ass. "With all that Warden stamina you have? I don't think you need to be young to make that work for us. Mmmm, in fact, I really like the idea of starting here in the shower." Cullen reached for the bottle of lube they kept next to the shampoo and poured a generous amount onto his fingers. "And then finishing with you in our bed."

Alistair shifted his weight and wrapped one leg around Cullen's waist, his back pressed securely up against the shower wall for leverage. "Promise?"

"Promise." Cullen circled his tight opening and slid a single finger inside. "Maker, you're gorgeous like this."

Alistair couldn't help the pure rapture that crossed his face as he arched into it. He worked himself slowly up and down Cullen's digit, not waiting for him to take the lead.

Feeling Cullen nip at his ear, Alistair stilled for another finger to be inserted. Enjoying the stretch, Alistair fully intended on resuming the rolling of his hips, but Cullen's attention to his ear kept him unmoving and at his mercy. He was inundated with sensation, yet craved more. The influx of overstimulation causing him to remain perfectly still as Cullen nibbled, licked, and sucked on his ear while thick fingers took over sliding in and out of him.

It was all he could do not to fall apart immediately. "Oh, Maker," Alistair breathed out as he neared his climax. It was almost too much. The hot water sluicing off his body as Cullen took advantage of his weakened state, manipulating two of his three favorite erogenous zones at once.

When Cullen massaged his perineum with his thumb, Alistair was done for. "Cullen… I…" He tried to warn him-he really did-but his body locked up and he came with a fractured shout. Cullen didn't stop his ministrations with his mouth and tongue until Alistair's body was finished thrumming with pleasure.

"I've never been so happy to have a wall behind me as I am right now." Alistair grinned lazily at Cullen, who smiled triumphantly back at him.

Cullen took a few moments to finish washing them up while Alistair stayed propped up against the wall. Through the haze of his afterglow, Alistair watched him turn off the water and grab the heated towels from the rack before drying them both off.

He couldn't remember the last time that he felt so relaxed. Wrapped in a warm, fluffy-white towel, Alistair's eyes started to droop. The only thing keeping him from immediately falling asleep was Cullen's cock, still standing at full attention.

With arms wrapped gently around him, Cullen led him over to the bed, peeled back the covers, then unwrapped Alistair. While Cullen lay the towel over the nightstand for future use, Alistair face-planted on their soft sheets with a satisfied groan. Hey lay for a moment, floating in a cloud of bliss… until Cullen started to pull the blankets up over him. "Hey wait a minute," Alistair protested. "You can't tuck me in, we're not finished yet!"

Cullen laughed. "You look well and suitably fucked to me."

"Oh, no you don't." Alistair crawled up onto his hands and knees and wiggled his ass. "You promised me more than one orgasm, and you still haven't had yours. You need to get up here and fuck me silly."

"I think you were already silly, way before I met you." Cullen reached into the nightstand and pulled out a bottle of lube; tossing it on the bed next to Alistair.

"Yes, yes I was. And now I'm your silly, and you promised! So, get that gorgeous ass up here and give me what I want."

"Bossy bottom," Cullen muttered, then crawled up behind him, swatting Alistair's ass. Before he could finish yipping from the pain, Cullen's mouth was soothing over the stinging handprint, turning Alistair's yip to a throaty moan. He kissed one cheek, licked across Alistair's low back, then kissed the other cheek where he suddenly bit down-hard.

Alistair yelped again. "You are an insufferably selfish man, you know that don't y—"

Alistair stuttered off into silence when he felt Cullen's hot, wet tongue slide across his opening. "Sweet Maker!" he exclaimed.

"No," Cullen responded. "It's still just me." He chuckled, spreading Alistair's cheeks for better access, then dove back in for more.

"Fuck, that feels so good," Alistair moaned.

Cullen hummed in response, reaching for the lube to slick up his fingers. He slid one in, then added a second, grazing his prostate with every other thrust while his tongue worked around the sensitive puckered flesh.

Whispers of, "Maker" and "Cullen, please," intermingled with moans and other sounds of pleasure, were all Alistair could muster to beg for more. Finally, Alistair pulled off Cullen's fingers and demanded, "Would you just fuck me already!"

Cullen tossed his head back and laughed. "You're the boss… this time." He grinned, while slicking up his cock and lining himself up.

"And don't you forget it." Alistair winked, then lost himself in the feeling of Cullen's cock rubbing its way across his perineum to his opening and back again, never breaching his hole. The anticipation felt like it was going to kill him. He ached and craved, and yet Cullen was content to tease him.

Endlessly.

He was a shaking, quivering mess by the time Cullen finally slid the tip inside. Arms refusing to hold him up any longer, Alistair collapsed-face down-on his pillow. With a steady grip on Alistair's hips, Cullen slowly, methodically, inched his way in with shallow thrusts.

He relished in the tight grip on his hips as Cullen bottomed out and held perfectly still. But the anticipated withdrawal and thrusts, didn't come. Alistair looked over his shoulder. "Move, damnit, you promised! Don't make me—"

"Fuck! Give me a minute." Cullen gasped. "You feel so fucking good, and I didn't get to come in the shower like you did." He inhaled and let it out slowly. "I know I'm not eighteen anymore, but you sure get me here quicker than I'd like you to sometimes." He took another steadying breath. "And I'd really like this to last." After one more breath, Cullen slowly pulled out and slid back in again, his actions quieting Alistair's vocalizations and replacing them with quiet sounds of pleasure.

"Yes! Right there." Alistair moaned into his pillow. Hands fisted in the sheets, he managed to push backward; meeting Cullen's every thrust with his own. Their bodies came together with increasing intensity. After a small change in the angle, Cullen began nailing Alistair's prostate with deadly accuracy.

Alistair loved the fact that Cullen was so strong. He could fully let go and let him take control, feeling both owned and completely taken care of. As Cullen's thrusts grew more powerful, Alistair's knees slowly slid out from under him, leaving him prone while his cock finally-blessedly-got the friction he'd been craving against the sheets.

The new position caused Cullen to slow down, the powerful franticness ebbing to a slower, deeper rolling of the hips. He wormed his arms under Alistair's chest to grip the top of his shoulders, providing better leverage. There was barely a part of them that wasn't touching; from their ankles entwined together, to the place where their bodies joined, to where Cullen was gently peppering soft kisses across Alistair's neck and shoulders; Alistair didn't think it could get any better than this.

He was wrong.

Cullen stilled his hips. "Sweetheart, can I… flip you over?"

With Alistair's muffled sounds of assent, Cullen withdrew and carefully rolled him onto his back.

"Just look at you." Cullen took one look at Alistair's painfully hard cock, then back up to his heavily lidded eyes. "You are so beautiful like this; all laid out for me to feast on." Cullen wrapped his hand around Alistair's shaft and stroked it once before repositioning himself between Alistair's legs and wrapping his lips around the swollen head.

At the unexpected stimulation, Alistair bucked up off the bed, shoving his cock deeper down Cullen's throat.

With a knowing chuckle, Cullen relaxed his throat and took Alistair even deeper, pulled off, licked the tip, then did it all again, swallowing around him. Nearly overcome with pleasure, Alistair frantically tapped Cullen's shoulder.

Looking up, Cullen grinned. "What's the matter, love? Would you like me to stop?"

"Hell, no! That feels amazing. But…"

"But, what?" Cullen asked, kissing his way slowly back up Alistair's body.

"I want you inside me when I come again. I want to feel you. I just want… to be as close to you as I possibly can." Alistair ran his fingers through Cullen's hair.

"I know exactly what you mean." Cullen kissed Alistair deeply, lovingly. "I'm right there with you, love. And you know I'll always take care of you."

Alistair wrapped his legs around Cullen's waist and pulled him down on top of him. "Then make love to me, please. I'm so close; I'm almost there. I swear, the way you suck dick should be illegal. It was all I could do to hold off coming down your throat."

"Mmmm." Cullen licked his lips. "You do know how much I love to taste you, but I think, you're right; this is better." Cullen slid back into Alistair's body. Eyes locked together, Cullen moved, slowly, deliberately. They moved as one; a now familiar dance that neither could ever tire of.

When they came with concurrent cries of release which melded into sweet kisses of adoration, Alistair knew that even given a lifetime to enjoy each other, he'd still never get tired of the way Cullen could make him feel. This was true happiness. This was his heaven.

* * *

Once fully cleaned and tucked back under the covers, Cullen lay with his head on Alistair's chest, gently running his fingers through the hair just below Alistair's navel. Distractions over, his mind returned to his nightmare. "You know that I love you, don't you, Alistair?" He asked, hesitantly.

"I love you too, sweetheart" Alistair whispered, kissing the top of Cullen's head, running his finger-tips down his spine.

Cullen tightened his arms around Alistair and tried to hide a sniffle, which, of course, Alistair noticed. "Hey." He lifted Cullen's chin and looked into eyes shining with moisture. "What's wrong? I wasn't that bad, was I?"

With a shuddering breath, Cullen buried his face in Alistair's neck and let a few tears leak free.

"Hey… I was joking. C'mon love, talk to me. What's going on? Is this about your dream?"

"I'm sorry. It's just... they're starting to get to me and I just want you to know that there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. You are practically my everything. Please tell me you know how much you mean to me?"

"You're starting to worry me."

"Tell me," Cullen demanded looking up again, terror reflected in his eyes.

"Shh, Cullen, I do. And you are my everything too. But where is this coming from? What happened that brought this on? What'd I do?"

Cullen dropped his head and sighed. "You didn't do anything and it's… nothing. Not as long as you know how much I love you. Nothing will change that. Not in my dreams or anywhere else…" He finished with a whispered, "I have to believe that."

Alistair caught the last vestiges of sadness crossing Cullen's features before they were safely hidden away. "Hey," Alistair said, cupping Cullen's cheek. "You know I'm here for you whatever you need, don't you?"

Cullen nodded. "I do."

"Then, please tell me what's wrong?" Alistair asked, concerned.

"Nothing."

"Then, what's with the look?"

"Nothing is wrong." Cullen looked away, obstinately.

Alistair nodded, combing his fingers through Cullen's sweat-soaked curls. "Okay, okay. I'll back off, but... will you do me a favor?"

"Probably," Cullen mumbled.

"Talk to Dorian. I know you already do; he's your friend... but meet with him—officially. I'm worried that this is wearing too much on you."

Cullen nodded and kissed Alistair just below his ear. "I will, love. I'll talk to him first thing in the morning. And, I'm sorry," He said, looking down and away, resting his head back on Alistair's chest. "This isn't really the best pillow talk."

Alistair held Cullen tight. "You have nothing to apologize for. I know this isn't easy for you. And I will do my best to support you however you need it most. It doesn't matter to me whether you speak to me or Dorian. Just so long as you're not holding everything in and bottling things up. That never ends well… for either of us. And I know I have a tendency to do it too. So please… just talk... and whatever happens, please trust that we'll get through this, okay?"

Cullen nodded, then with Alistair's fingers combing soothingly through his hair, finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Thanks for reading!  
Thanks for the Kudos and Comments! I can't even begin to express how much your love means to me.  
And Thanks for putting up with my adult onset love of playing with dolls.  
(I swear if they had dolls like this when I was I kid, I would have been all over them!) ;)

And, as always, my most heartfelt thanks goes out to **Ponticle,** who has stood by me and helped to improve my writing over the last couple (few?) years now. Happy Valentines Day, love! You're an incredible editor and source of inspiration. I'm truly blessed to work with you! 3 (all the mush, I know) ;)


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary:**

Oh, Cullen.  
Can we just hold his hand and tell him it's all going to be okay?  
No?! Damn. Well, if I have to suffer, I'm going to take you with me.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Trigger Warning - See end notes for details.

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 46**

Mishaps & Misfortune - Part 3

* * *

 **Later that morning...**

It wasn't so bad when his dreams were infrequent. They were expected, almost like an annoying friend you just couldn't get rid of. He'd gotten so used to them over the years that the occasional disruption to his sleep schedule became the norm. This last year, however, spoiled him. The nightmares dwindled and eventually stopped all together once he started sleeping next to Alistair every night.

But now they seemed to be back with a vengeance, and last night's was the worst one yet.

Maker, he hated them; hated everything about them. The nightmares, waking in a cold sweat, feeling like he couldn't catch his breath. Feeling the things he felt when he was trapped back in the tower: fear, helplessness, despair. It was all there again, smothering him, stifling him; making him doubt and dread.

Last night's nightmare was the worse one yet. He looked over at Alistair sleeping peacefully next to him and stifled a shudder. With a deep breath in, he reminded himself that it wasn't real. Alistair would never … he had to believe… he couldn't -.

Cullen rubbed his hands over his face and tugged on his hair trying to ground himself in reality. He was barely holding it together. He was exhausted, at his wits end, and slowly but surely losing his carefully-guarded control. He knew this feeling all too well. Which was why it was so frustrating. He should be able to handle all of this on his own by now. He had over ten years of conditioning and therapy under his belt. Ten plus years of Dorian's voice in his head telling him that he could do it, that he believed in him, and that no one would be able to take that power from him ever again.

That's what Dorian was good at; getting him to see the truth in the face of his delusions. Cullen finally reached out to him just over a week ago. He needed to talk, to try to figure out why these dreams were coming back now when everything was going so well. Dorian listened, like he always did. Then he talked, but it wasn't as reassuring as he hoped. So he waited and wondered when the other shoe was going to drop. Dorian said it could be a premonition, but of what and when? Last night's dream may have answered that for him.

Cullen propped his head up and watched Alistair sleep for a few minutes. Slow even breaths, accompanied by the occasional upward tick of his lips. He was dreaming, happy ones by the looks of it.

Pulling the sheet up around Alistair's shoulders, Cullen brushed a stray hair off his forehead. He missed having happy dreams, and right now he already felt like his heart was trying to break. Everything he ever wanted was here wrapped solidly around Alistair. He couldn't lose that. He didn't want to lose him.

With a heavy sigh, Cullen rolled toward the edge, trying his best not to disturb Alistair. Sitting on the side of the bed, he stretched, his joints popping and creaking as he prepared to stand up and start his day. He was so tired; his few hours of uninterrupted sleep were barely enough to get him through another work day, but he would make due. The lack of rest wasn't anything new, he just wished that he could shake the ominous cloud that'd been hanging over him since his nightmares returned.

Alistair grumbled at Cullen's overly-careful attempts to extricate himself from the bed. Grabbing the blankets, he rolled away from Cullen, wrapping himself into a tight cocoon. "You suck at being sneaky," Alistair grouched, nuzzling himself even farther into his hallow.

Stuffing his fears down deep, he put on his 'mask' and chuckled while flopping back down on the bed and wrapping himself around the lump that was Alistair. "I'm sorry I woke you, love." He kissed the top of Alistair's head; a shock of red hair, the only part of him still visible.

"Mmmpfh!" Alistair mumbled. "Go be awake somewhere else." As Cullen began to pull away, Alistair poked his head out of the blankets. "No, wait!"

With a knowing grin, Cullen leaned back in, placing a quick kiss on Alistair's already puckered lips. "I'd never leave without a goodbye kiss. Now go back to sleep, and text me when you finally emerge for the day."

"Love you." Alistair barely finished speaking before he was softly snoring again.

"Love you too," Cullen whispered back. His 'mask' sliding from his face as he got up to face the day.

* * *

While waiting for his coffee to brew, Cullen picked up his phone and sent Dorian a quick text.

(5:50am)

 **Cullen:** Sorry for the early message. It's not urgent. I had another dream last night. Alistair wants me to talk with you about it.

He waited, knowing that Dorian was even worse than Alistair this early in the morning. The only difference was that Dorian probably managed to get a full night's sleep last night.

Less than ten minutes later, Cullen's phone rang. "I know you wouldn't wake me if it wasn't important, Amatus. What's going on?" Dorian sounded sleepy, but awake enough for this conversation.

"Thanks for calling." Cullen kept his voice low.

"You know you can call me anytime. And, this isn't the worst time of the day that you've called."

"I know." Cullen sighed. "I'm just… I thought I was over this."

"You know it's not uncommon to have relapses."

"But why now? Everything is wonderful. We're happy. Work is going well. Life has been damn near perfect."

"I wish I had all the answers for you. From what you've told me before, it feels like a warning. Was this the same dream?"

"Yes, but… this one felt different. It was different. There was the same sense of dread, coupled with an unhealthy dose of panic and urgency, but this time there was something else: inevitability, hopelessness, loss. I felt like someone reached in and ripped out my heart, Dorian."

"What happened? Was it just a feeling? Did you see anyth-"

"Alistair was there," Cullen whispered, leaning up against the counter with his eyes closed. "He…" Cullen swallowed a few times, trying to get the words out. "He left me, Dor. It didn't matter what I said or did. Nothing made a difference. He was just-done. Couldn't take anymore… and left."

"Kaffas!" Dorian exclaimed. "Ok, Cullen. First off, you know he would never do that to you, right? Alistair loves you."

"I know. But it still hurt. It felt so real."

"Did you tell Alistair about your dream?"

"Not exactly…"

Dorian sighed. "Well, at least he directed you my way."

"He's a smart man."

"And you have to trust that he's smart enough to keep you."

"I'm not so sure that's the smart choice. I come with so much fucking baggage."

"It's baggage that he is well and truly aware of. Stop sulking. He chose you and you've chosen him."

"You're right. I just- Maker! I haven't felt this hopeless in so long. I thought I was over it!"

"I know. It's going to be ok, though. Trust me."

"I do trust you; it's myself that I don't trust right now." Cullen poured his coffee and took a sip.

"Then you need to trust that I will help you get through this."

Cullen focused on his coffee without responding.

"Cullen, listen. I'm in town for another few weeks before I have that conference in Minrathous. Why don't we get together. This is really bothering you and you've come so far, I'd hate to see you backslide again."

"Are we meeting on the record?" asked Cullen, "...or off?"

"Let's start with off. Have lunch with me today. You can tell me more about last night's dream and I'll be able to get a better read on you face-to-face."

"Ok. I'll grab food at Mr. Chen's and meet you at your place.".

"Now we're talking. And Cullen?"

"Yes?"

"If you need me for anything-all you have to do is call."

"I know. And, thanks. I'll see you at lunch." Cullen hung up and gulped down the rest of his coffee.

Feeling a little bit better, he went back to the bedroom and gazed at Alistair who'd somehow erupted from his cocoon. He was sprawled out on his back, his arm snuggling Cullen's pillow against his chest, and the blankets pooled around his waist. He leaned over him and gently kissed him on the cheek. "You are my world, Al. I love you so much," Cullen whispered.

With a sad smile, Cullen went to get ready for work.

* * *

Morning inspections and briefings finally done, Cullen entered his office a little after ten with Rylen on his heels. "Sir, Connie was in again last night," he said, closing the door behind them.

"What did Nick do this time?" Cullen hung up his blazer and sat down at his desk, gratefully accepting the cup of coffee Rylen offered.

"He was loitering outside Dania's work again."

Cullen sighed, wiping his hand down his face. "I'm assuming, since I wasn't called in, nothing bad happened and you got it all documented?"

"Yes, sir, it's been added to the file. Merrill called me around three. We decided it wasn't urgent enough to bother you with it; figured that even with the little bit of sleep I got, it was probably more than what you were getting." He nodded to Cullen's coffee, who gratefully took a sip at the reminder. "Looks like you had another rough night?"

Cullen looked away and shrugged. "It's nothing I can't handle."

"I didn't say you couldn't. Doesn't mean I'm not going to worry about you."

Cullen ran his fingers through his hair. "So… what did Connie say?"

Rylen shrugged. "More of the same; though now, she's worried he's going to do something soon."

"And we still can't get Dania to come in and make an official statement?"

"No, sir. I tried talking to her again this morning before you got here. She doesn't want him to know she's even associating with the police."

"Maybe I can get Alistair to talk to her again."

"He still checking in with her?"

Cullen nodded. "Periodically. She won't talk to us, and I'm not above using all my resources to try to keep her safe."

"Even your boyfriend?" Rylen smirked.

"Especially Alistair. You try keeping his hands out of the cookie jar." Cullen scoffed. "He's been able to get her to open up a little over the phone, but she still won't meet with him in person. And if I'm anywhere in the vicinity, she clams up quick and finds some reason to get off the phone." Cullen set his cup down.

"Well, at least it's something. More than just having Connie keep tabs on things."

"It's infuriating. And yet, we still can't get them to do anything about it." Cullen growled out in frustration. "Damnit!" He suddenly slammed his fist down on the desk. "I hate having my hands tied. We can't do anything unless we catch him in the act, or they go on the offensive."

Rylen closed his eyes with a shudder and took a step back.

"Maker, Rylen. I'm sorry." Cullen took a deep, calming breath and let it out slowly, erecting the barriers in his mind that he knew helped Rylen's sensitivity.

"It's ok, sir. And, thank you. I know you said it doesn't feel like you're doing much when you shield for me, but it really does help. You're usually so vibrant and loud." Rylen waved his hand vaguely toward all of Cullen. "It makes it hard to concentrate. It's even worse when you're exhausted, angry, or feeling strongly about something. Not that you're any of those things right now." He winked, then sighed. "And you know, I get it, I'm just as frustrated with this as you are. We've been going round and round with these girls for months. Thankfully, Connie keeps coming in and filing the reports. I think we actually have enough now to pick him up. Unfortunately, it's still not enough to hold him for long though, not with as slippery as the Mac Tirs are. It would be so much easier if Dania would just come in and press charges."

Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose. "That family is dangerous. It's only a matter of time before someone ends up in the hospital again… or worse."

Rylen shuddered. "I hope she does something soon, especially if Connie is right and he's about to act."

"What was it about this incident that makes it stand out from the others? Did she say?"

Shaking his head, Rylen shrugged. "I don't know. She thinks that he's getting more cocky. His car was parked outside her work, but he was leaning up against Dania's car with his arms crossed over his chest. He stood there just watching her through the window with a smile on his face. Dania texted Connie to let her know, and she came directly here. He wasn't doing anything illegal , per say, but I have a bad feeling that he's working himself up for something."

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and closed his eyes. "I may not have your new abilities, but I feel the same way. Like there's a dark cloud overhead just waiting to open up on us all." He looked up and cracked a weak smile at Rylen. "How are you holding up anyway?"

"Better than you, by the looks of it." He took a sip of his coffee and looked pointedly at Cullen. "You look like shit by the way. Everything ok on the home-front? Is Alistair okay?"

"He's fine." Cullen blushed, remembering their midnight rendezvous.

Rylen barked a laugh. "You are something else. You've been together for how long now? And just the thought of him still makes you blush."

Cullen glanced to the rose still blooming on the left side of his desk with a small smile. "He's good… he's perfect. I just…" He closed his eyes and sighed, the smile falling from his face.

"You seem worried. What is it?" Rylen asked.

"I have this awful feeling that I'm about to lose him."

"What? Where the hell is that coming from? He loves you!" Rylen exclaimed.

Ignoring the outburst, Cullen stood abruptly. "Rylen, if you knew anything, you'd tell me, right?" He took a couple quick steps closer, stopping directly in front of him. "Could you look for me? I mean… really look-please?" He implored.

Rylen gazed at Cullen long and hard, letting his eyes unfocus. "I don't see anything imminent, boss. But you do have some dark spots in your aura that aren't usually there. I probably wouldn't even see them if it weren't for the fact that you've dampened everything down for me. They may be nothing though, so before you get your panties in a twist, please keep in mind that it might just be your own exhaustion showing through in your aura."

Cullen nodded. "I keep telling myself that. I hardly get any sleep these days and I know that's going to bite me in the ass soon. If it weren't for Alistair coming straight home from work, I'd never get any sleep at all."

"You sleep better when he's with you?"

Cullen shrugged. "I do, but I don't like to depend on him. I go to bed at my usual time and maintain the same routine to get me there."

Rylen laughed. "Of course you do."

"Hush, you know what I mean. I've even tried shaking things up a bit and drinking warm milk or tea before bed. At first, those worked, but the last few nights, I've tossed and turned and when I did finally drift off, my dreams were littered with nightmares. When Alistair finally comes to bed, my mind suddenly shuts off and I'm able to relax and get some sleep. Trouble is… by then it's two-thirty to three o'clock and my alarm goes off at five-thirty. That doesn't make for a lot of solid sleep."

"Doesn't sound like a lot of sleep at all. But you know, there's an easy solution for that."

Cullen looked up, interested.

"Just change your work hours."

Cullen opened his mouth, then closed it again with a snap.

Rylen laughed. "Seriously, sir. You're the boss. No one is going to tell you that you can't come in at ten or eleven instead of eight in the morning. I'm here at seven-thirty and you know I'll call you if you're needed for anything. Besides, the night shift could use a little more of your influence. Merrill is great at what she does, but I've been monopolizing your time for several years now; I don't mind sharing you, especially if it will benefit her chances for her upcoming promotion."

"You know, I never actually considered that as a possibility. But you're right, Rylen." Cullen let a sense of relief wash over him. "You sure you don't mind doing the morning briefings? I could work ten to seven or eight under the guise of Merrill's upcoming review."

"It would definitely be easily explained, with no one the wiser. And it's a win all around; you get more sleep so you're not Mr. Grumpy-pants all the time, Merrill gets some boss-time, and I get you out of my hair for a few hours every morning."

Cullen chuckled and tossed an eraser at Rylen. "It wouldn't need to be a permanent change, so don't get too used to it. Just until we get a handle on what's going on. Thanks, Rylen. As usual, it's nice to know that you've got my back."

"And I know you've got mine. Speaking of… there's something I should probably tell you."

Cullen raised an eyebrow. "Yes? What is it? Is it about..." Cullen waved vaguely at all of Rylen.

"No. Actually." He smiled, a faint pink tinge to his cheeks, and picked a piece of lint from his suit jacket. "It's just that… we just found out that Jan's expecting."

Cullen grinned, giving Rylen a hug. "That's wonderful news, congratulations! Is everything okay so far?"

Rylen chuckled. "Yeah. Well, no, actually. She currently has a huge aversion to the smell of... coffee."

Cullen let out a full-belly laugh. "That's gotta make work difficult for her, owning a coffee shop and all."

"It does." Rylen rolled his eyes. "She's been going in extra early to get all the baking done, and while the shop is open, she stays far away: doing all the shopping and working on the books from home."

"It is good to be the boss." Cullen winked, then dodged the eraser that Rylen picked up and tossed back at him-without using his hands. "Hey! You're getting way to good at that."

"Lana has me practicing. I still can't move anything heavy or large, but small objects like that aren't difficult anymore." The eraser rose up from the floor and settled gently back on Cullen's desk.

Before Cullen could respond, there was a commotion in the outer office and Jim suddenly burst in looking frantic. "Sirs. There's someone here to see you." He stepped to the side and in walked Dania, looking like she'd just gone three rounds in a boxing ring.

"Dania!" Cullen pulled out a chair and ushered her to sit down while Jim went to get her some water and Rylen pulled out the small med kit they kept in the office.

She looked up with red rimmed eyes and tried to smile. "Hey, Commander. You mind calling in Alistair… he's probably going to want to hear this too."

As Rylen started cleaning her up, Cullen picked up the phone and dialed. "Hey. I need you down at the station..."

* * *

 **End Notes:**

 **TW -** Canon typical anxiety for Cullen in the first section: references to his nightmares, therapy, and frustration over his backsliding. Also-stuffing his feelings and masking them to 'save' others from suffering with him. (Dumbass, but I still love him)

 **TW2 -** Evidence of physical abuse (Dania) We're opening up her story again, so keep yourself safe. Brief reference in this chapter, I will warn appropriately as we move forward. I promise.

The usual suspects had my back for this one: The **Keystrokes** on Discord for their encouragement, support, and WTF were you thinking?! (when it comes to what I'm doing to Cullen). Also to the ever amazing **Ponticle** for their savvy editing skills! I'd be lost without their support.


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary:**

The plot thickens.  
Cullen puts his own shit aside to focus on Dania.  
Alistair and Rylen are there to lend a hand.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Lots of information in this one that may or may not contain triggers.  
Please see end notes for details if you're worried.

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 47**

Mishaps & Misfortune - Part 4

* * *

Alistair woke, groggy but sated. He snuggled deeper into Cullen's pillow and allowed himself a few extra minutes to bask in the afterglow of the night before. He ached beautifully in all the right places; from the small finger-sized bruises on his hips and bite mark on his ass, to the amazing feeling of being thoroughly loved; inside and out.

It didn't matter how many times or ways they ended up making love; it always left Alistair in awe and craving more. He appreciated the way that he and Cullen always managed to give each other exactly what they needed, whether it was in the bedroom or out. It was nice to know that whatever happened, they had one another to fall back on. He would never regret being there for Cullen when he was having a hard time, he only wished that he wasn't struggling so much lately with whatever it was that was plaguing him.

It was never easy coming home and seeing Cullen hurting. Last night, at least, he was easily distracted. There wasn't anything Alistair wouldn't do for Cullen, and knowing that he could bring him some respite from his nightmares, provided a that glimmer of hope that they could overcome anything, as long as they had each other. It was all Alistair could ever hope for.

Finally rolling out of bed, Alistair slipped into a pair of shorts and followed his nose to the kitchen where he poured a cup of still-hot coffee. Taking his first sip, Alistair noticed a note sitting next to a bowl of freshly cut fruit and a muffin.

With a small smile at Cullen taking care of him even while dealing with his own issues, Alistair picked up the note:

I _hope you have a wonderful morning, my love._

 _I left you a light breakfast, and_

 _your lunch is in a bag inside the fridge._

 _Thank you for last night._

 _Thank you for being so understanding._

 _Thank you for being you._

 _I love you with all my heart. —C_

 _P.S. As promised, I spoke with Dorian this morning_

 _and will meet with him later to discuss what's_

 _been going on._

Alistair ate the fruit and wrapped up the muffin to take with him. Then, with a happy little skip in his step, he went back to the bedroom to get ready for his day.

* * *

Alistair hummed quietly to himself while getting the bar ready for the workday when his phone started ringing. With a grin, he pulled it out of his pocket and danced to the ringtone without answering it.

I believe in miracles

Where're you from, you sexy thing?

(sexy thing, you)

I believe in miracles

Since you came along, you sexy thing

Lana looked at him, unimpressed. "Alistair, it's going to go to voicemail, you better answer it!"

With a dramatic eye roll, Alistair lept his ass onto the bar and took a seat before hitting the button to put Cullen on speaker. "Hello, my love. What can I do for you on this amazingly beautiful day?"

Lana shook her head and went back to work, but looked back quickly when she processed what Cullen was saying.

"Hey. I need you down at the station..." Cullen sounded worried. "Dania just walked in." He paused so long, Alistair could actually picture him pinching the bridge of his nose. "Al… she's been… She's been attacked."

"What the hell happened?! No, don't tell me, let me guess, -Nick-" Alistair spat.

Cullen sighed. "I don't have all the details yet, but I do think it's time we went after him. Dania asked for you and… I'd like you here too, if you can slip away."

"Of course. Give me a few minutes to get my shift covered and I will be there."

Before he hung up the phone, Lana already had hers to her ear. "Hey, Zev, can you cover for Ali tonight?"

She gave Alistair a thumbs up. "Great. He has to go down to the precinct. … No you perv, there's a case and Cullen needs help. No. Not like that, I'm serious." She blushed. "Look, I just need your ass here to cover for him. … Yes, I'm sure your ass is very sexy, but you should bring the rest of you too." She rolled her eyes. "We've already done most of the prep work, just come in a little before opening… Thanks, hun. I owe ya one… No… No ! you're going to have to take that up with Leli. Good luck with that!" Lana huffed as she hung up the phone. "He'll be here, don't worry. We've got you covered."

Alistair nodded, while typing out a quick text message.

 **(11:07)**

Alistair: Hey, Andy. I know it's been awhile, but I've got a case here that's got your name all over it. Please call me as soon as you get the chance, I'm heading down to the police station now.

When he looked up, Lana hugged him around the waist. "Get out of here, Ali. We've got this."

"Thanks, Lana," he said, hugging her back.

* * *

When he arrived at the precinct, Alistair gave a perfunctory hello to Officer Jim and made his way to Cullen's office. He knocked briefly and poked his head inside. Dania was hunched over with her head in her hands, and Cullen was filling out paperwork while talking to her quietly.

Alistair greeted them with a gentle smile. "Hey, you two."

Cullen looked up and gave him a tired smile, which alistair returned with a questioning tilt to his head. Are you okay? How are you holding up?

Alistair thought really hard, wishing Cullen could understand him like Lana could. He knew this wasn't the most appropriate time to ask, so he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

Of course Cullen understood him anyway and gave him a gentle shake of his head. We'll talk about it later. Now's not the time. Instead, he met Alistair at the door, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "Hey, I'm glad you could make it. We're waiting on Rylen to get back to start the official interview. We've taken pictures and samples as evidence and cleaned her up as best we can for now. Once we're finished with her statement, I'm going to have a detail drive her down to the hospital for a full exam. It looks mostly superficial, but I'd rather be safe than sorry."

Alistair approached Dania slowly. Reaching out to touch her shoulder, he pulled away quickly when she shied away from him. Burying his hands in his pockets instead, he asked, "Hey, stranger. How you holding up?"

* * *

 **TW**

* * *

She shrugged and pulled the ice pack from the darkened bruise over the left side of her face, revealing a split lip and black eye. She cracked a humorless smile before replacing the ice pack. "I've had better days—years, actually." She sighed, closing her eyes in resignation.

Alistair pulled up the chair next to her and sat on the edge of it. "It's going to be okay. You're not alone in this." He wanted to do more to comfort her, to reassure her, but knew that he needed to respect her boundaries,

There was a quick knock on the door followed by Rylen entering. He nodded to Alistair and placed a small recording device on the desk, then went to stand quietly in the corner.

"Dania, we'd like to record this conversation so I can refer back to it later as I fill out the reports," Cullen said. "Once we get through the details, we can discuss your legal counsel."

She shook her head. "I don't have a lawyer."

"Dania," Alistair soothed. "I've left a message with the attorney I told you about. I'm hoping to hear back from them soon. You won't be going into this without counsel, I've already told you that I'll cover it."

"Alistair." She frowned. "You don't have to do that, you barely know me."

"I don't need to know you well to know that you don't deserve what he's done to you. I don't need to know what you like for breakfast or what your favorite music is to stand behind you as you fight one of the most frightening things that's ever happened to you. I do know what his family is capable of, and I do know that neither Cullen nor myself could sleep at night if we just stood by and let him walk all over you. You don't deserve that. We won't force our help on you, I told you as much over the phone, but I beg you to let us do what we can to keep you safe and to get him the punishment he deserves." He reached his hand out, palm up, offering her what comfort she felt comfortable taking. After a beat, she nodded and placed her hand in his. He slowly covered it with his other and gave it a quick squeeze before releasing it and looked toward Cullen to take over.

"Thank you, Dania." Cullen said. "Like Alistair said, we want to help. You won't be left to fight this alone, okay?"

When she nodded a second time, Rylen hit record on the device.

Cullen cleared his throat and spoke clearly for the recording. "Dania Rikus, this recording is for our personal use so that I can refer to it while filling out the paperwork on the case. It may also be used as evidence when we finally take this to trial. Do you understand the purpose for the recording and do you give your consent for us to continue?"

"I understand; and yes, it's fine that you're recording this." She sat back in her chair, resigned.

"For the sake of documentation, also present in the room are: Rylen Vitez, second in command and my Lieutenant; Alistair Theirin, youngest son to the Theirin Legacy and owner of Alistair's House of Whine and Cheese in downtown Denerim, where one of our altercations took place; and myself, Cullen Rutherford, Detective-Commander in charge of the 3rd precinct in Denerim. Dania, can you tell us what happened?" Cullen prompted.

"Nicholas Mac Tir, happened," she supplied.

"And, who is Nicholas Mac Tir?" Cullen asked.

"Nick is Loghain Mac Tir's youngest child. He's spoiled, entitled, and one of most possessive and controlling assholes I've ever met."

"How do you know Mr. Mac Tir?" Cullen asked.

"He and I used to date." Dania sighed heavily. "It was fine for a while, y'know? He was sweet; used to buy me all these expensive gifts and take me out to nice places." Her frown deepened. "But… then he started to get violent, angry… possessive. If I smiled at someone passing by, he'd accuse me of wanting to sleep with them. He always wanted to know where I was or who I was with. He got me fired from my last job because he called all the time to make sure I was really working and then accused me of sleeping with my coworkers if I had to work late. He started off just yelling at me, accusing me of all sorts of stuff I didn't do, then he started grabbing my arms and leaving bruises. The first time he slapped me, I left. I went back home. But then he came back and apologized. He was so sweet, begged me to take him back; give him another chance… I was so stupid."

Cullen hit pause on the recorder. "Dania, most abusers can be very charming. It's how they lure their targets in and keep them under their thumb. They make them think that it's their fault and take away the belief that they have no choice in whether they can stay or go. It's not your fault, Dania. You are not the only person this happens to. Hopefully, with your testimony, we'll be able to get at least this abuser off the streets so he can't hurt anyone else. Are you able to continue? Would you like a break?" Cullen asked.

"I'd like to continue. But, um… can I have some water, please?"

With a quick nod, Rylen left and returned quickly with a bottle of water and a box of tissues.

"Thank you," she said, accepting the drink." She took a steadying sip before screwing the cap back on and nodding toward the voice recorder.

Cullen hit the button and she continued, "Before that night at Alistair's, he… he threatened my mom. I was ready to leave him; called a cab and grabbed my things to walk out the door. It's what pushed me over the edge in the end… it's what ultimately put me in the hospital. He… told me that if I left him, she wouldn't be able to protect me and I wouldn't be able to protect her from him." She fidgeted with the bottle, her eyes focused on what she was doing. "It's the only time I ever fought back. I used to worry that I'd get into trouble. I was brought up to believe that you just don't hit or hurt people. But she's the only family I have left and he was going to take her away from me, so I grabbed the fireplace poker and swung it at him. I don't remember much of what happened after that. I don't know what would have happened if the cab driver hadn't heard me scream and run in. I don't know what happened between them, but I do know that I owe that driver my life. He got me out of there and took me to the hospital."

"How long ago did this happen?" Cullen asked.

"This was a year and a half ago. One month to the day before I came into Alistair's pub and you stopped him from hurting me again," she said, sadly.

"Is there a record of the incident?" Cullen asked.

She shook her head. "No. Well, there's a record of my hospital stay. I was there for quite a while, my injuries were… pretty bad. I mean… I almost died! But, I was too afraid to press charges at the time. I think I told them that I fell or something, but I'm sure they didn't believe me. I don't know what the cab driver told them either, or if they have his information."

Cullen nodded. "I've written the date down for us to investigate further. I also have a copy of the report that I filled out the night that you and your friend Connie Greenwood came into Alistair's pub." Cullen opened a file folder and began rifling through a decent sized stack of papers. "I also have copies of all of the reports that Connie has filed over the past year on your behalf; reports documenting each time Nick was seen in your vicinity, including one from this morning. Can you describe for us what happened today? How did you come to have your current injuries?"

"These?" She waved vaguely at her battered face. "This is practically nothing compared to what he's done to me in the past. Sure, he's been hanging around more often lately, but he's been keeping his distance like you warned him to. Mostly, he just hangs out outside my house and work - watching me through the windows." She shivered. "Connie kept telling me that I needed to come in and talk to you and get a formal restraining order. But, he wasn't doing anything wrong, just standing and watching. Sure, it was creepy, but I've had worse from him so…" she shrugged one shoulder. "I didn't want to provoke him if it wasn't necessary."

"So what changed?" Cullen prodded.

"Connie. She's been more insistent and coming in to give you reports more often lately. His goons saw her coming out of the police station today. They're afraid that I'm finally going to press charges. When I finished my shift, he was leaning against my car and… he said… he said…" Dania covered her face with both hands, the ice-pack forgotten in her lap.

Alistair shared a look with Cullen, who paused the recording when Alistair grabbed the tissues and offered her one. "Hey, it's going to be okay. He's not here. You're safe. We're going to do everything in our power to make sure he never touches you again. Okay?" Alistair soothed.

She nodded slowly, drying her tears. After she took another drink of water, Cullen began recording again. "I'm just so scared. He almost killed me once and today he said if you guys came after him, he was going to kill me, Connie, and both of you, and there's nothing anyone could do to stop him."

Alistair looked up and over at Cullen, whose nostrils were flaring with barely restrained anger. "Dania, I know it's not comfortable, but it's really important that we get the wording as close to accurate as possible, especially with a threat like that." Cullen said, carefully. "Can you tell us exactly what he said and how he said it?"

She paused in contemplation. "If you think it'll matter, I can tell you exactly how he said it, at least until he started hitting me. But it's… not pretty."

"His wording could mean the difference between an active, premeditated, intent to murder and an idle threat. You're safe here and nothing you say will change that."

She nodded, closed her eyes, and sighed. "He said, 'Listen-up, you…'" She looked up with an apologetic smile and reluctantly finished. "'...you cunt. That bitch Connie has been to the fucking cops; if they come after me because of that fucking trash, no one will be able to protect you, her, or your little guardians.'" She shuddered and rubbed her cheek. "Then he… he grabbed me by my hair and slapped me. My legs buckled, but he just held on. He wouldn't stop hitting me. Why did he do that? Why would he—"

She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Alistair, Cullen, and Rylen exchanged angry looks over what she'd been through, but otherwise kept a respectful distance, giving her all the time she needed to pull herself together.

* * *

 **End - TW**

* * *

Eventually Dania dried her eyes and took a large steadying gulp of her water. "I'm so tired-tired of all this. I just wanted to be left alone. I figured… if I kept a low profile, didn't date anyone, or make any waves, he'd eventually get bored and go away. But it hasn't helped. It's gotten worse. It's been over a year and I'm still looking over my shoulder. I can't eat; I barely sleep. I'm worried about him watching me. I just…" She looked up with steely resolve. "I want him to stop. If that means asking for help, then that's what I need to do. He no longer gets to call the shots. I refuse to let him use my fear against me. I will not let him hurt the people I love or the ones who are trying to help. His days of controlling my happiness are over. I am taking my life back, and I'm doing it today!"

"You are incredibly strong and brave, Dania. We will do our best to not let you down." Alistair rose from his chair, shoving his clenched fists back into his pockets and went to stand next to Rylen.

Cullen also rose from his spot behind the desk and, clicking off the recording device, walked around to stand in front of her. "I think we have what we need for today. I'd like to have a couple of my officers escort you over to the hospital to get you checked out and, if you'll permit it, I want to put twenty-four hour security on you to keep you safe. Invite Connie over, so she's with you. The detail will make sure no one gets to either of you, or your mother."

"Yeah, okay. If you think is best, I'll do anything. Maybe I should take a couple of days off work as well. There are a lot of innocent people coming and going all day long, I'd hate for any of them to be caught up in this." She stood up from her chair, tossing the tissues in the trash.

"That's not a bad idea." Cullen looked at his lieutenant. "Rylen, I want you to go over to the hospital with them. Check the official records and talk to as many of the staff as you can. I want to find the doctors and nurses who were there the night of the original attack. It's been a while, but hopefully someone will still remember what happened. We also need to try to find the cab driver that drove her to the hospital." He turned back to Dania and handed her a clipboard with a sheet of paper and a pen. "This will allow us the quickest access to your records from the time of the incident. We just need your signature for release."

She nodded mutely, then took the pen and filled out the document, passing it back when she was finished.

Cullen handed the paper over to Rylen who stamped and signed it, then passed her his Notary Journal indicating the specific line. "If I can see your ID and get your signature here as well, we'll be all set."

She signed it and handed it back with her Drivers License. Rylen made a few notes, gave her back her license, then tucked the forms into the manilla folder that Cullen handed him. "Thank you, Dania. If I need anything else from you, I won't hesitate to call." He looked over at Cullen. "I'll be right back after making my usual copies."

As Rylen walked out of the room, Cullen smiled softly at Dania. "Thank you for finally coming to us. We've both been worried about you. Go get yourself looked over. Call Connie to come hole up with you and your mom. We will be in touch, very soon."

She nodded, smiling weakly. "Thank you. Thank you both, so much—for everything."

"It's no problem at all, Dania. We just want you safe. Please stay with the officers. I promise it won't be forever, just until we can be sure you're out of danger." Cullen offered his hand which she shook firmly.

Rylen reentered and beckoned for her to follow. As she stepped out the door, Alistair touched Rylen's arm. "Anything her insurance doesn't cover, I want billed to me. Don't let her argue it." Alistair handed over a signed card.

With a grim nod, Rylen added the card to the folder and closed the door behind him.

Alistair let out a shaky breath and leaned on the desk. "That fucking dick. If I ever get my hands on him—"

Cullen pulled Alistair into his arms. "I know; I'm just as frustrated and angry as you are. If we do find him, you need to let me do my job. That is a slippery family. It won't do either of us any good if we get arrested for going above the law." He kissed Alistair's temple. "I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you. I doubt even your family name could get you out of trouble for taking out one of the Mac Tirs."

"Why couldn't he be darkspawn? Darkspawn are easy!"

Cullen chuckled. "Easy for you, maybe—"

Whatever he was going to say next was interrupted by the ringing of Alistair's cell phone.

* * *

 **Alistair's Ringtone for Cullen - Thanks to EarlGreyer for the recommendation! ;)**

You Sexy Thing by: Hot Chocolate (can find for reference on YouTube

I believe in miracles

Where you from

You sexy thing, sexy thing you

I believe in miracles

Since you came along

You sexy thing

Where did you come from, baby?

How did you know I needed you?

How did you know I needed you so badly?

How did you know I'd give my heart gladly?

Yesterday I was one of the lonely people

Now you're lying close to me, making love to me

I believe in miracles

Where you from, you sexy thing? (Sexy thing, you)

I believe in miracles

Since you came along, you sexy thing

Where did you come from, angel?

How did you know I'd be the one?

Did you know you're everything I prayed for?

Did you know, every night and day for?

Every day, needing love and satisfaction

Now you're lying next to me, giving it to me

I believe in miracles

Where you from, you sexy thing? (Sexy thing, you)

I believe in miracles

Since you came along, you sexy thing

Oh! Kiss me, you sexy thing

Touch me baby, you sexy thing

I love the way you touch me, darling, you sexy thing

Oh! It's ecstasy, you sexy thing

Yesterday I was one of the lonely people

Now you're lying close to me, giving it to me

I believe in miracles

Where you from, you sexy thing? (Sexy thing, you)

I believe in miracles

Since you came along, you sexy thing

Oh, touch me

Kiss me, darling

I love the way you hold me, baby

Oh, it's ecstasy

Oh! It's ecstasy (Sexy thing, you sexy thing, you)

Kiss me, baby (Sexy thing, you sexy thing, you)

I love the way you kiss me, darling (Sexy thing, you sexy thing, you)

Oh, yeah (Sexy thing, you sexy thing, you)

Love the way you hold me (Sexy thing, you sexy thing, you)

Keep on lovin' me, darling (Sexy thing, you sexy thing, you)

Keep on lovin' me, baby (Sexy thing, you sexy thing, you)

* * *

 **End Notes:** **TW**

We get more details on Dania's abuse from Nick. Nothing too detailed, but with enough behind it to warrant a warning. **I have enclosed the sensitive area between a double line break and TW / EndTW.**  
 **Summary:** We already knew that Nick tried to kill her once before- thankfully, her injuries this time aren't nearly as bad. She discusses what happened both times in detail and that Nick has now threatened her, her mother, her friend Connie, as well as Cullen and Alistair. The first paragraph on the other side of the trigger area is Dania's resolve to not take it anymore. If that's rough for you, please skip it too - the rest is all safe.

 **Quick history reminder** Anders name first popped up in chapter 24 when Alistair mentions that he knows an attorney if she wants to press charges. Lana wholeheartedly approves of this. Anders is mentioned again in chapter 43 when Alistair discuses their history of 'Wardens with Benefits'. This may be relevant in the future. **whistles innocently to self**

Special thanks this round to **Earl Greyer** for blessing me with the most perfect fucking song for Alistair to have as his ringtone for Cullen. To **TatteredLeaf** for providing me legal counsel for my legal counsel. And to **Ponticle** for being the hard ass they are when it comes to me cleaning up my writing. Much love to them all and to **YOU** for your continued support in my little addiction called Cocktails and Cheese!

If you are interested, you can find photos to go along with the Mishaps & Misfortune Story Arc on my Ao3 under Aurlana, Twitter: Aurlana1, Tumblr: Aurlyn, or on Instagram: Aurlana1313.


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary:**

Alistair gets a call from an old friend and Cullen has trouble coping.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Mild TW - see end notes for information.

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 48**

Mishaps & Misfortune - Part 5

* * *

Cullen watched Alistair pull his phone out of his pocket, put the call on speaker, and set the phone on the desk. "Hey, Anders. Thanks for getting back to me so quickly." He said by way of greeting.

"Hey, Al. Long time no see. Been meaning to call you but…"

"Yeah, I know, Andy. Life happens. S'all good; it's been happening here too. You been doing okay?"

"Bout the same; still working on my manifesto."

Alistair laughed. "You've been working on that since I met you."

Cullen stood there, feeling like he wasn't even in the room. He looked back and forth between the phone and Alistair - the picture relaxed with comfortable familiarity. Cullen stiffly walked back to his chair and sat down. He waited and watched for another couple of minutes as the two friends… no… ex-lovers… caught up.

He waited to be acknowledged; he waited for a break in the conversation so he could introduce himself into it.

...but no clear point ever came.

Cullen rubbed at a spot on his chest as an uncomfortable feeling settled over him. Watching Alistair laugh so easily, he ached with something that was becoming all too familiar with his recent nightmares. Cold dread . And as he blinked at the seemingly serene expression on Alistair's face, Cullen knew without a doubt what the dread was telling him.

Not only was he going to lose Alistair, but now he knew how. It was as clear as the crystal vase on his desk holding the rose Alistair always supplied him. With growing sadness, Cullen reached over and stroked the velvety petals of his flower. Of course, Alistair didn't even seem to notice, he was too busy swapping stories with Anders.

Cullen rubbed at his chest again as the ache intensified. He took a slow steady breath to try to hold himself together. His resolve was cracking; he could feel his carefully constructed mask beginning to shatter. He needed to get out of the room, he needed his support system before his world crumbled around him.

He needed Dorian.

Gripping his phone tightly in his fist, he stood quickly and stalked toward the door.

Alistair looked up suddenly, concerned. "Cullen?"

Anders paused in his telling of whatever nonsense he'd been spewing, "Alistair, are… am I on speaker phone? You didn't tell me you weren't alone."

"Yeah, Andy. Hang on." Alistair put his hand on Cullen's arm. "Hey, you ok?"

Cullen nodded, then shook his head. "I just… you go back to…" He didn't even bother to finish as Alistair's eyes landed distractedly back on his phone laying on top of the desk.

How fitting.

Closing the door quietly behind him. He looked around the room. Jim was at the front desk playing Tetris on the computer, Josie and Thom were absent from their desks - probably the two officers Rylen chose to guard Dania. Cullen approved of the selection, transiently, as he mentally checked in with his other officers.

As he walked toward the break-room, Varric caught his attention. "Trouble in paradise, Curly?"

He scowled down at Varric, shirt unbuttoned obscenely. "You're out of uniform again, Varric." Cullen snapped. "You represent the whole department when you put on that uniform, I expect you to wear it properly." He left Varric gaping in the hallway as he stalked off to Rylen's office so he could make a call.

Once secured inside, he took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair, then hit Dorian's number.

"Amatus!" Dorian answered. "It's not quite time for our meeting yet. Did you decide to call ahead to get my order?" he asked, laughing.

Cullen stood with the phone to his ear and took steadying breaths. Hearing Dorian's voice helped, he just needed another minute to—

"Cullen?" Dorian sounded concerned. "I hear you doing your breathing. I'm right here and will wait for however long it takes for you to talk to me. Are you someplace safe?"

Cullen nodded, although Dorian couldn't see him.

"I'm hoping that you're doing something silly like nodding at me. I don't hear any other sounds, so I'm going to assume you've gotten yourself someplace quiet to call me."

Cullen took a slow deep breath in through his nose, and blew a steady stream of air out through his mouth.

"Good, Cullen. That's it.. in… two, three, four, five, six, seven. Hold it… and out again much slower, … five… six… seven… eight… nine… ten. Very good, you've got this. If you're not already sitting, I want you to find a place where you can get comfortable."

Cullen pulled up Rylen's chair and sat down slowly. Pillowing his head on his arms on top of the desk, he resolutely held the phone to his head and listened to Dorian's soothing words. He knew, deep down, that he was being ridiculous. Alistair loved him, they'd known each other for almost two years and had been together for over a year and a half of that. But, that nagging little voice in the back of his head supplied -unhelpfully- that Alistair and Anders had known each other for more than a decade and Anders knew Alistair just as intimately as he did.

"What would I ever do without you?" Cullen finally asked.

Dorian let out a breath of his own before answering. "Damnit, Cullen. You scared the hell out of me. Are you okay?"

"I am… for the moment. I just… "

"Do you need me to come get you? Where are you?"

Cullen chuckled, humorlessly. "I'm hiding out in Rylen's office, and Dorian… you don't drive, remember?"

"You know I have other means of transportation when it comes to you and Bull. I could be at your side in seconds if you needed me." After a pause, "Do you?"

Cullen checked his watch. "No. I mean, yes- I do, but there's no need for you to expend yourself like that."

"I would, you know?"

"I know, Dorian -and I appreciate it- but really, I was going to leave soon anyway. Do you have anymore patients today? Is it all right if I come in a little early?"

"I cleared my schedule after I spoke to you this morning. I'm all yours for the rest of the day. You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, Dorian. The walk will do me good, hopefully clear my head."

"Can you give me a hint of what to expect when you arrive?"

"I think… I'm pretty sure I've figured out what my nightmares have been trying to warn me about." Cullen sighed.

"That doesn't bode well," Dorian said. "I look forward to hearing your theory. I'm assuming that's what has you holed away in someone else's office?"

"Yes. I just… can we not do this right now? I know you're curious, but I really just need to get out of here."

"Of course, Cullen. Why don't you come to the apartment instead of the office? It's closer to Mr. Chen's."

"Yeah, that's fine. Will you call it in so it's ready when I get there? I don't feel like socializing much today."

"You've got it, and he'll understand. You've always been his favorite anyway."

"Thanks, Dor. See you soon." Cullen hung up the phone and took a couple minutes to collect himself before walking back out into the main office. Jim was still playing games on his computer, Varric had his shirt buttoned and was studiously working on reports -at least, he assumed it was reports. Knowing him, it probably wasn't, but his uniform was fastened properly, so he'd take the win and let the rest slide. The rest of the office was blissfully empty; everyone else was out on their various assignments.

Walking toward the front of the building, Cullen glanced through his office window. Alistair sat with his feet propped up on the desk, hands flailing animatedly as he talked. There was a lightness in the way Alistair held himself that was in clear contention with the heaviness of the case they were supposed to be working.

With the ache sitting like a rock on his chest, Cullen asked Jim to fetch the copies that Rylen made before he left, then to retrieve his own file and coat from his office.

Jim looked up, his smile slowly falling from his face at Cullen's countenance. "Right away, boss." He came back a few minutes later with the files and Cullen's duster, looking over his shoulder at Cullen's office door then back at him. "Sir, do you want me to tell Alistair anything when he's finished?"

"Did he even notice you coming in to retrieve my things?"

Jim shook his head. "I don't think so, sir. From what I could gather, whoever he was talking to was coming into town tomorrow and offering to take him to dinner."

Cullen closed his eyes and took another breath. "No, Jim. It's fine. He knows I have a lunchtime appointment. If he does ask, tell him I'll swing by the pub tonight on my way home."

"You got it, sir." Jim smiled tentatively.

"I may not be back in the office today." Cullen said, indicating his files. "I've got some work to do. You guys know how to find me if you need me."

"Aye, sir." Jim turned back to his computer screen with the unmistakable sounds of Tetris coming from it.

With a shake of his head, Cullen left the precinct.

* * *

Arms laden with Mr. Chen's delicious smelling food, Cullen kicked at Dorian's door to knock. When Dorian answered, Cullen asked, "What the hell did you order; one of everything off the menu?"

"I simply told Mr. Chen that you were having a day and to prepare all of your favorites to make you feel better." Dorian grinned, grabbing the box from Cullen and taking it over to the table.

Cullen looked around the apartment that used to belong to him. Though the layout was the same, there was nothing left of his old life before he'd met Alistair. There were flowing sheers in a multitude of colors, draped from the ceiling and down the walls. Instead of a sofa and coffee table in front of the entertainment stand, like he had set up, there was wall to wall, luscious white-shag carpet, a low circular table in the middle of the room surrounded by pillows and tuffets all covered in a plethora of bright colors and designs.

Dorian noticed his frown. "What?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

Cullen arched an eyebrow at him. "Isn't that why I'm here, doc? So you can psychoanalyze me and tell me everything's going to be all right?" Cullen sassed.

Dorian snorted. "You know I never pull my punches with you; there will be no coddling and soothing while you're here. But that look on your face is about something else, I think. So, you might as well start there while I grab the plates."

Cullen hung up his coat, then shuffled over and eased himself onto one of the fluffy white cushions. "Vivienne sure went all out for you here; I barely recognize the place."

"She really did, didn't she? I love how simple, yet elegant, everything is. The bright colors help balance me out after a day dealing with psychosis and depression."

"Is that what I am to you; psychosis and depression?" Cullen smirked.

"No, you have acute post traumatic stress disorder that manifests with anxiety and flashbacks. You are one of my most successful cases; I would almost have said you were completely cured, until these dreams of yours started resurfacing." Dorian set some tea and plates down on the table then started dishing up their meal. "Tell me, what about my new decor bothers you? Is it the colors?"

"No, it's… it's nice, really. Vivienne did well mixing your style with Bull's and yet, it's so very different than your place in Minrathous."

"So, what is it then?" Dorian took a bite of his noodles and pointed at Cullen's plate so he'd start eating.

"I'm not exactly sure." Cullen took a bite of his rice and finished chewing. "I had a thought as I was walking here from work. I was thinking that even if it all goes to shit between Alistair and me I, that I could always come back here. But looking around today, it's nothing like the comfortable place I left behind. It's still comfortable, but now it's… not mine anymore, it belongs to you and Bull and I could never take that from you. But it left me feeling…"

"Bereft? ...Afraid?"

Cullen shrugged, finishing off a bite of his orange chicken. "More like, I have nothing left to fall back on. I've invested so much time and energy into building my life with Alistair, our new apartment, everything… I no longer have a safety net for when it all comes crashing down."

Dorian reached over and placed a gentle hand on Cullen's shoulder. "Why does everything need to come crashing down? You and Alistair are practically two halves of the same whole. You've survived so much: your personal histories, your dangerous careers, finding his son, fighting your past to better accept your future. Hell, you two even jumped into another universe and made it back whole and stronger for it. Cullen, you've already overcome insurmountable odds, why is this vague, ominous, dark image from your dreams such a threat to you?"

Cullen sighed, setting down his chopsticks. "You didn't see him on the phone, Dorian. I thought I was the only person he lit up like that for but he… he barely knew I was there once Anders started talking. And then I wasn't there and he just continued talking, head thrown back, laughing, without a care in the world. We're supposed to be working on a case! I mean, fuck, there's a girl's life on the line and Anders is supposed to be her legal counsel, but they were talking about the weather and old times and… before I left, Jim said they were making plans for dinner tomorrow night. This case is important . Keeping her safe is my first priority, but Dorian… I feel like it will kill me to watch the two of them together. I don't know if I can do it."

Cullen rested his head in his hands and sighed heavily. He still felt the hole in his chest like a dull ache, but mostly, he was just tired. Everytime he tried to sleep lately, he'd only manage a few hours before waking in a cold sweat.

"Hey." Dorian scooted closer and draped his arm across Cullen's shoulders. "First of all, you will always have a place to fall back on. You have me, you have Mia, you even have Rylen. Second of all, I don't think you'll need it."

Cullen looked up through his too-long curls. "But you said my dreams felt like a premonition. How can that not mean that Anders is going to swoop in here and take Alistair from me?"

Dorian smacked Cullen in the back of the head. "Watch your mouth… swooping is bad, remember?" He winked, his smile softening. "Cullen, I said it might be a premonition, but premonitions aren't generally so literal. You said yourself that your dreams make you feel out of control and afraid. There was a looming presence in your dream, true, but it doesn't mean that it's Anders. It can be any number of things: your subconsciousness leading you down the path of doubt could be something that drives a wedge between you and Alistair. It could be your own self fulfilling prophecy. Say you meet Anders and you come off as a colossal dick."

Cullen made a face.

"What? Could happen! You're not always the calm, cool, and collected Commander… especially when your heart's on the table. You would do anything for Alistair and that includes fighting to keep him; so humor me."

At Cullen's nod, Dorian continued. "How do you think Alistair would react if you were an ass to his friend?"

Cullen shrugged.

"You said they've known each other about as long as we have, right?"

Cullen nodded.

"How would you feel if Alistair got angry at you because of our relationship? You and I have been friends for over a decade. I've seen you at your worst, ready to lay down and die with despair because of your actions. I've been here to help you through so much that Alistair has never even scratched the surface of with you. How would you feel, if he became indignant and jealous, demanding to know everything we did or talked about together? Or worse yet, insisting that you and I could no longer be friends? Hmmm?" Dorian raised an eyebrow as Cullen's frown deepened.

"He would never do that. He knows how you've helped me."

"But he's been jealous before, and jealousy leads to dark places."

Cullen nodded again. "Jealousy is what got my current victim into the predicament she's in. I could never do that to him. I love him too much. I'd let him go first." He paused, looking fraught. "At least I… I hope that I would."

Dorian sat back on his heels. "So, perhaps your dark ominous dreams have more to do with your case than Alistair. Or maybe, it's something else entirely; fear of being alone or unlovable? Unworthy of love? More often than not, our dreams are a reflection of what we hold within us. Subconscious doubts and fears manifested in ways that our minds can wrap around." Cullen continued to stare at his plate unblinking. "Hey, you look exhausted, Amatus. Why don't you lay down for awhile. I will keep watch while you get some much needed sleep, we can discuss this further when you're more rested."

"I don't think I could sleep," Cullen said.

"Good thing I'm such an amazing doctor! I can help with that too." Dorian winked and made his way back to the kitchen to prepare a new cup of tea. "I will let Rylen know where you are, should he need you. Now, drink this and go lay down. A couple hours, that's all I ask. When you've rested, perhaps you will have a fresher, more positive outlook on the day."

Cullen sighed, accepting the cup. "Fine. Just a couple hours, then I need to get back out there and look for that asshole."

"Your officers are currently looking for him, yes?"

Cullen nodded.

"Fantastic! I have it on good authority that they've been well trained. So get your perky little ass in the bedroom and get some sleep."

Pausing to look over his shoulder, Cullen asked. "Um… Not to be ungrateful, but… can I put new sheets on first?"

Dorian rolled his eyes. "Bull always leaves me with new sheets when he has to work out of town and he left this morning. Everything should be fresh and clean for you."

Satisfied with the answer, Cullen went to lay down.

* * *

Poor Cullen isn't having a great day.

There are photos to accompany this chapter that can be found on my AO3, Twitter (Aurlana1), Instagram (Aurlana1313), FB (Aurlana Emma), and Tumblr (Aurlyn)

* * *

 **End Notes:**

 **Mild TW** Cullen has a mild anxiety attack, but Dorian is there to talk him through it. Poor thing is exhausted and jumping to conclusions that aren't sitting very well with him. (psst - it'll be ok though, I promise.)

I want to thank you all for taking the time to read and comment! I'm loving this new story arc and am having a blast creating scenes from the story with the boys. :)

I also want to thank **Ponticle** for being so flippen good to me. I don't know what I ever did to get such an amazing editor, but I'm not going to knock it! I appreciate their help and encouragement more than these little words could ever express.


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary:**

Further down the spiral we go!  
We learn a little more about Anders and there's  
a sweet little nugget with Kieran at the end.

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 49**

Mishaps & Misfortune - Part 6

* * *

Cullen emerged from his slumber and shuffled out into the living room to find Dorian sitting in a nest of pillows… knitting .

"Uh, Dorian? Are you making me another hat?"

"Well, I can't very well make them for Bull. Even if I could figure out how to make the holes work around his horns, he wouldn't wear one anyway. He does love the scarf I knit him though." Dorian looked up with a grin, his hands continuing their work without stopping. "Did you rest well?"

"Yeah, I did." He smiled ruefully. "No dreams. Not sure what you put in my tea, but whatever it was, it worked. You wouldn't happen to have any of that to spare, would you? I could really use some of that at home."

"I've already got you taken care of, Amatus." Dorian smirked pointing a needle at the brown paper bag on the kitchen counter. "I also talked with Lana about adding the same wards to your building that I have here in my apartment. From how deeply you slept, I'm guessing the combination is a successful one."

Cullen nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. "Thanks, Dorian. I still feel a little down, but at least now I'm more clear-headed." He saw his phone sitting on the pillows next to Dorian. "Did um… anyone try to get ahold of me while I was out?"

"You had a few text messages. But I pretended to be you to everyone but Rylan. They all think you're busy working this important case of yours. No one knows that you spent the last…" he checked the clock, " six hours sleeping."

Cullen's eyes were huge. " Six hours! " He reached over and grabbed his phone, quickly scanning through his messages. The ones to Rylen and his other officers were innocuous enough. Rylen, of course, knew where Cullen was and what he was doing, but everyone else seemed to be none the wiser. When he got to Alistair's name, his face flushed brightly. "Dorian…" he practically growled. "Did you have to send all the cute emojis to Alistair?"

"The poor dear was so worried about where you'd disappeared to, that you might possibly be angry at him, I simply had to ease his mind that you were still madly in love with him. That you were just busy with work." Dorian fluttered his eyes over his handwork. "Told him that you'd be late tonight, but you'd check in at the bar before you went home to bed so he wouldn't worry his pretty little head." Dorian winked.

Cullen groaned. "You don't think your mushy texts would have tipped him off that it wasn't me?"

"On the contrary, I think he was quite taken with you being so forgiving and extra affectionate. Might even get you a little something extra tonight." Dorian wiggled his eyebrows with a grin then set down his knitting and made his way to the kitchen.

"Come on, grumpy. Let's warm up some of these leftovers and get you home. You have plenty of time to have a leisurely dinner with yours truly, before heading out."

Sighing heavily, Cullen followed Dorian into the kitchen to help heat up their food. He grabbed two fortune cookies on his way back to the table and sat down to eat. Scrolling back through his messages, he frowned. "Dorian, Rylen's messages are broken up and incomplete. Did he call too?"

Dorian nodded, taking his seat at the table. "He said that he was glad that I'd managed to get you to sleep — that you're too stubborn for your own good sometimes and won't listen to reason."

Cullen laughed. "That doesn't sound like Rylen."

"I may be paraphrasing a little bit. Humor me." Dorian grinned ticking off each item on his fingers. "He said to tell you that Dania is all settled in at home with her mother and Connie, the restraining order has been turned in at the courthouse, they've got a lead on tracking down some cab driver, and a warrant has been issued for Nick's arrest. That lieutenant of yours has been a busy-bee today."

Cullen nodded. "I'd be lost without him some days."

"Oh believe me, he knows." Dorian grinned. "So, Dania and Nick? Those names sound familiar..."

"Remember when you brought Bull to visit for your thirteenth anniversary?"

"Yes, yes! What a wonderful anniversary it was too. That hotel was simply luscious!" He paused, interrupting himself. " Wait… Dania? Wasn't that the girl that donated all that money to my program? The one who kissed… oh. Kaffas! You're telling me that asshole of an ex-boyfriend is up to his old tricks again?"

Cullen nodded. "She came in this morning; busted lip, black eye, and completely done . She's ready to press charges. We just need to find the asshole. That's what I should have been doing instead of sleeping my day away here."

Dorian argued, "You wouldn't have been any good to anyone out there like that. You were a walking, talking, zombie. You should be thanking me for making you sleep because now you can be more alert and aware incase that dark shadow you've been dreaming about comes to call." Dorian paused. "Cullen?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think that Nick might be the image from your dream and not Anders? He seems big and ominous enough."

Cullen shook his head adamantly. "No. He's a known entity. He's big, yes. But I've faced off against him before. He doesn't intimidate me." Cullen frowned. "No… the image in my dream was darker, unknown. The only person who's felt like they could even remotely be a threat to me is Anders."

"You still think Alistair's friend is your big-bad-shadowy-dream-goblin?" Dorian asked.

Cullen nodded. "Anders Thekla, ex-Warden, successful attorney, Alistair's best friend-with-benefits from years ago… yeah, I still think he's a danger to me. To...us."

"Anders Thekla?" Dorian asked. " The Anders Thekla? Their research and work on gender equality and non-binary advocacy is legendary! They've never lost a case and rarely works for any sort of profit, only enough to cover the court and filing fees."

"So you're telling me he's a goodie two shoes—"

"They," corrected Dorian.

"I'm sorry?"

"From everything I read, Anders identifies as non-binary. Therefore, the correct pronouns for Anders are they and them. I also read that they refused the traditional honorific of esquire after their name, even though, as an attorney, they more than earned it. But the article said that honorific is historically masculine, so Anders rejected it. They go by in court or simply Anders when they can get away with dropping the formalities." Dorian's face lit up. "I can't believe you are unfamiliar with Anders' work. You of all people - who've been fighting for equality of genders, sexuality, and races since long before I ever met you." He looked incredulously at Cullen.

Cullen sighed. "I'm familiar with Mx. Thekla's work - of course I am. I just never connected that they were Alistair's Anders." He groaned into his hands. "Fuck, Dorian. Now I feel even worse. How can I compete with someone as good as that?"

Dorian sobered. "Hey, hey. There's no competition, okay? You are all Alistair wants. He loves you. And you'd know that if you'd get your head out of your ass long enough to see that you are a good man too."

Cullen's phone buzzed in his hand.

 **[20:45}**

Alistair: Just checking in to see how the case is going. Hope you're still going to stop by before heading home to bed.

Alistair: Love you.

Cullen looked up from his screen with a small smile.

"Yeah okay, Dorian. I'll do my best to see it your way. He's definitely worth it."

Cullen: Stopped by Dorian's, he's giving me some tea to help me sleep tonight. Leaving here shortly. See you soon.

Cullen pocketed his phone and began to clean up their dishes.

"Leave them," Dorian said.

"But—"

"I said, leave them. You need to get home to your man. But first…" Dorian handed Cullen his fortune cookie from Mr. Chen.

Opening it, he sighed at what was in store for him:

It is often darkest before the dawn.

Which makes the sunrise all the more beautiful.

Cullen carefully folded the fortune and slipped it into his wallet. "One day, Mr. Chen's fortunes will have nothing to do with my life."

"And you'll be all the more sad for it."

Cullen looked away and grumbled, "Yeah, probably."

* * *

Cullen took a deep breath and made sure all of his mental shields were up before he entered the bar, heading straight for his corner seat. It was fairly quiet, even for a weeknight. Alistair was behind the bar talking excitedly with Lana and Leliana. Even as drained as Cullen was, the smile that lit up Alistair's face when he looked up and saw him come in, nearly took his breath away.

Maker's breath, I love that man.

With an excited bounce in his step, Alistair came around the bar and wrapped his arms tightly around Cullen, who melted into his embrace, burying his nose in Alistair's neck. He only allowed himself a moment, before pulling away with a weak smile.

Of course, Alistair noticed automatically. "Hey, you ok?"

Cullen shrugged. "I'll be ok. Mostly just tired, I guess. We've got people out looking to pick up Nick and twenty-four hour guards on the girls. That's all I can really do for the moment, but I feel like I should be doing more."

Alistair placed his fingers under Cullen's chin, lifting it so he could brush their lips softly together. "You are incredibly good at your job and an amazing man, Cullen. I know you'll find him. Nothing else will happen to her, or anyone else she cares about — not on our watch. Okay?"

Cullen nodded reluctantly. "So, um… what's the word on… Anders. Will they take the case?" He held his face neutral while Alistair lit back up like it was Satinalia.

"Oh, Cullen. We had the best talk. I know I already apologized, but I can't tell you enough how sorry I am that I didn't tell them that they were on speaker and that we took over your office. Anders chewed me out after you left. It was really bad manners of me not to introduce you right away." Alistair grinned and winked. "I think Anders actually has a little hero worship going on where you're concerned. They're a really big fan of the famous 'Commander Rutherford'."

Alistair actually used air-quotes as Cullen rolled his eyes.

"I appreciate you giving us time to talk, even if you did have to vacate your office. I promise I'll make it up to you."

"So? What did they have to say? I'm assuming Anders will be coming to town soon to meet with Dania?"

Alistair nodded. "They'll be in tomorrow afternoon, actually. We should probably have Dania come back down to the precinct so they can talk… or perhaps, maybe we could all meet for lunch." Alistair was back to waving his arms around as he described the conversation and Anders' plans for bringing Nick in to answer for what he'd done. It sounded wonderful-it sounded perfect- just what they needed.

Alistair went back to his post behind the bar while Cullen sat quietly in his corner, nursing his drink. He sat there listening, as Alistair, Lana, and even occasionally Leliana, bantered about how excited they were that Anders was coming to town. He could barely contain the anguish he felt as the tightness in his chest returned with a vengeance. Tipping back the last of his drink, he quickly excused himself from the din.

Placing a chaste kiss on Alistair's cheek, he waved a quiet farewell and made his way toward the back room, intending on heading upstairs to work out a little before heading home for the night.

His nap earlier helped a lot to clear his head, but it didn't help to lift the fog of depression that was hanging over him. He hoped that exercising would improve his mood. Before he reached the bottom of the stairs, Lana caught up with him.

"Hey, you ok? I can't—" she waved her hand vaguely around her head.

"I'll be ok. Just… need my shields up right now. It's nothing personal." He glanced longingly up the stairs, then toward the exit door, suddenly undecided.

Lana sighed. "Dorian asked me to put up some extra warding around our building today. Hopefully that will help with whatever's bothering you. I won't push for you to share." She reached out and stroked her hand down his arm. She suddenly gasped, "Anders!? Cullen, why would Anders—"

"I said I'll be fine, Lana. Just let it go." He said more harshly than she deserved, ripping his arm out of her grasp. Taking a breath he bowed his head. "I'm sorry. I'm… my lack of sleep lately and this case just has me on edge. Please just forget about it and… don't say anything to Alistair. He's really excited to have Anders back in his life."

With a resigned sigh, he headed for the exit. "You know, I've lost my appetite for the gym, maybe I'll go home instead."

Without waiting for her response, he walked out the door, leaving Lana gaping behind him.

* * *

On his way home, Cullen tried to fight the air of despondency hanging over him. Watching Alistair and the girls being so excited over Anders' impending arrival left him feeling more alone and detached than he had in years. He knew, logically, that this case was heavy enough to probably be what his dreams were trying to warn him about. However, his instincts were screaming at him that the real danger would be arriving soon and he couldn't shake the feeling that whatever was coming, he would have little to no control over it.

With a heavy sigh, he unlocked the first-floor door and walked inside, the sweet smell of hot chocolate immediately assaulting his senses. Hanging his coat in the entryway, Cullen entered the common room to find Kieran curled up on the sofa with an ornate looking book in one hand and a cup of cocoa in the other.

Kieran looked up with those big brown eyes that seemed to stare right into Cullen's soul. Setting his cup aside, Kieran closed the book and with an inquisitive little tilt to his head, beckoned Cullen over to sit next to him.

"Hey, buddy. What are you still doing up?"

"We set new wards for you today," he said by way of greeting. "I wanted to see if you were okay."

Cullen's heart clenched at Kieran's genuine concern. "I've been having a little trouble sleeping, that's all. The wards are supposed to help with that. I didn't know that you'd be helping, though."

"We missed our last session and I'm starting to get a little… full." Kieran looked down at his hands twisting in his lap. "Mother thought it would help with the excess if I poured it into the house."

Cullen's mouth hung open in horror. "Maker, Kieran. I am so sorry. Why didn't you say anything?"

"You were busy, and mother said I shouldn't bother you unless it got to be too much for me. And it's okay, really. I'm learning to contain it better every day, it hasn't started hurting… yet."

Cullen took Kieran's hands in his own. "Learning to master your magical pool is one thing, but don't suffer needlessly when I'm here to help. You are never a bother to me Kieran, though it appears that occasionally I might need a reminder to keep our schedule." Cullen closed his eyes and cleared his mind. Seeing the full reservoir of energy swirling chaotically inside Kieran, he tapped into the source and began to draw the excess energy off the top.

Feeling Kieran's power pour into him, soothed a part of Cullen's soul; he felt like family, like hope. But, it wasn't energy he was meant to keep or even capable of directing. Leaving Kieran with a small pool to draw from, Cullen cut off his connection, filtering the remaining energy through his feet and back in to the earth. Blinking his eyes open slowly, he asked, "Better?"

Kieran nodded, squeezing Cullen's hands. "Thank you," he said before beginning to list to the side.

"Whoa. I've got you," Cullen whispered catching him before he could fall. "I'd never let anything happen to you.'

Kieran looked up apologetically. "It's a little disorienting; being so empty after being so full. I'll be all right in a moment."

Cullen nodded, keeping his arm around Kieran until he was steady. "Please don't ever hesitate to come to me in the future, okay? No matter what happens or how busy I get, I will always make time for you."

Kieran nodded. "I just don't want you to think that that's all I need you for."

"Oh, Kieran, I know that. The fact that you stayed up just to check on me is evidence enough." Cullen hugged him tightly. "And you know what? I've missed you. I'm sorry for missing our appointment, but I'm even more sorry because that's the time that we get to hang out together; just the two of us." Cullen suddenly looked around the room. "Hey, I'll tell you what. Why don't you make us a cozy little spot in front of the TV. I'll go get out of my suit and we can watch a movie together."

"Do I get to pick the movie?" Kieran asked, excitedly.

Cullen smiled. "Of course. But… something light and fun okay? I've had enough seriousness for one day."

"You've got it! I'll put on some more water for drinks too. Do you want tea or cocoa?"

"Tea, please." Cullen said, pulling the little bag of tea out that Dorian had given him and handing it over before heading upstairs.

* * *

When Cullen came back down ten minutes later, the living room had been transformed. It looked like Kieran swiped all the cushions off the couches and his bed to create a large circular nest in the middle of the room right in front of the T.V. He was just laying a thin grey blanket over the top of the concave fortification when Kieran looked up and directed Cullen back upstairs for the pillows off his bed.

Handing over the pillows, Cullen grabbed Kieran's blue and white blanket off the sofa and climbed into the nest. Kieran joined him after retrieving the tea from the kitchen and passing it over while blowing on his own hot cocoa. They watched the beginning of the movie as they drank their drinks in comfortable silence. Once finished, they set the cups aside and then snuggled in to watch the rest of the movie; Kieran's head resting comfortably on Cullen's chest because he was more comfortable than those 'fluffy pillows dad insists on'.

After awhile, when Kieran's eyes started to droop, he rolled over, wrapping an arm around Cullen's waist and whispered, "Love you, Cullen. I'm glad you're one of my dads."

Cullen choked back a tear. "I love you too... son." The realization that Kieran thought of him as a father tore at him unexpectedly. He'd loved him as his own since they retrieved him from the fade. Their relationship, at first, was born of necessity, but their frequent sessions to keep Kieran's magic in check, soon bore a fondness he'd never expected to find in himself. His sister, of course, teased him about it. She knew what a parent's love could feel like. She tried to warn him. But her life -her family- was secure. He felt like his family hung on the precipice of an unknown evil. He hated it. He feared it.

Wrapping his arms tighter around Kieran, he kissed the top of his head. No matter what happened with Alistair, he vowed to find a way to keep this relationship intact.

He couldn't lose this.

He refused.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Gratefulness abounds for my writing group, **The Keystrokes** , my blessedly amazing editor, **Ponticle** , my sounding board and evil enabler, **Tatteredleaf** , and for all of you lovely people willing to give this little labor of love of mine a chance. Not sure what I would do without any of you! 3 3 3

 **Where else can you find me? (and the pictures associated with this story?)**  
Instagram: aurlana1313  
Tumblr: Aurlyn  
Pillowfort: Aurlana  
FB: Aurlana Emma  
AO3: Aurlana  
and on Discord: Aurlana#2619


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary:**

Poor Cullen needs to just get out of his own head.

* * *

 **Notes:**

A little delayed on this one. If you think this is painful to read, imagine having to write it then recreate it in pictures.  
(/hugs everyone in comfort - whether for yours or my own... that remains to be seen).

Only a couple more chapters of Cullen having issues before we start our upward climb again.  
I promise - the upward climb will be worth it.  
There's a method to my madness... even if the madness is ripping my heart out and dancing the remigold on it right now. (sad sigh)

 **Mild TW.** Canon typical for Cullen. Details in endnotes if you think you need them.

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 50**

Mishaps & Misfortune - Part 7

* * *

Cullen woke with a start, the horrors from his nightmare indelibly imprinted in his mind. This one was so much worse than the last one, compounding his feelings of panic and helplessness ten-fold. Choking back a sob, Cullen wiped the tears from his eyes and tried to get control of his breathing.

Rolling over, he caught sight of Alistair and Kieran wrapped together on the other side of the little nest they'd made. He remembered Kieran falling asleep in his arms after declaring that he was happy to have Cullen as one of his dads. Cullen lay there for hours afterward, combing his fingers through Kieran's hair, cherishing the idea of having a son.

He must have fallen asleep shortly before Alistair made it home as he didn't remember Alistair coming in or joining them to sleep. He certainly didn't remember Kieran moving from his arms into Alistair's.

Seeing Alistair clutching onto Kieran so protectively in his sleep was a cruel reminder to what his mind had just been showing him. Alistair's face contorted in anger and disgust making sure that Cullen was well aware of the fact that Kieran would never be his, that he'd never want someone as fucked up and broken as Cullen was to co-parent his son.

A sharp cramping in his abdomen warned him that he needed to get up and move. Now! He bolted out of their makeshift bed and quickly made it to the restroom in time for his stomach to empty its contents.

Cullen sobbed quietly through his heaving. He couldn't believe this was happening. He didn't want it to be true, but he couldn't shake the feeling of inevitability.

I'm going to lose them both - I'm going to lose everything!

Cullen managed to pull himself together enough to make it upstairs. He wasn't heading for his usual post-nightmare-sanctuary up on the roof, he needed a full escape. The only thing he could always count on for that was to throw himself into his work. And, he had a lot of work to do.

Snorting at himself in disgust, he thought of all the time he wasted the day before as he slept the day away at Dorian's. That wasn't going to find Nick and it certainly wasn't going to protect Dania.

I need to get my shit together. I'm no good to anyone like this. I'm no good…

Cullen shook his head, trying to clear it from those spiraling thoughts. It was time to focus, time to tuck his issues into that little box in the back of his brain. It was time to steel himself for what lay ahead.

As he stepped into the shower to start his day, he tucked away one last thought:

I need to get ready to meet Anders.

At just past four in the morning, Cullen took one last look at how peaceful and perfect Kieran looked sprawled across his father's sleeping form. With an ache in his chest and the weight of his fears resting on his shoulders, Cullen quietly locked up and ventured out into the chill morning air.

* * *

Cullen was halfway through his pile of reports when Rylen walked into the office and closed the door behind him. "Sir, you're scaring the natives. What's going on?"

"What?! I…" Cullen stopped and reflected on his morning: ignoring his officers greetings, grumbling through getting his morning coffee, slamming his office door after announcing that he wasn't to be disturbed. "Fuck." He hung his head, and sighed. "So they sent you in to placate the beast once again. I'm sorry, Rylen. I know this is harder for you than they realize."

"You are certainly screaming loudly at me today; your colors are brighter and more chaotic, making you harder than usual to look at, and every flavor coming off of you is bitter and burnt. But all this extra shit, I can deal with." Rylen leaned against the side of the desk, his voice softening. "What has me the most concerned is that my friend is hurting and, true to his form, isn't letting anyone in to help. When you're upset, the whole office suffers. So, out with it: what's going on?"

Cullen leaned back in his chair and looked at the ceiling. "I don't know. It may not even be anything. And I have been seeing Dorian about it -well, most of it- so it's not like I've just been pushing it down and ignoring it."

"Well, that's something at least. Is it helping?"

"I want to say, yes? Dorian always helps."

"But?" Rylen prompted.

"But… this feels like the catalyst is still looming. The other shoe is about to drop."

"Wait, so you're upset about something that hasn't even happened yet?"

"Yes… and, no," Cullen said. "You might as well take a seat, Rylen."

Rylen made himself comfortable.

"You know I haven't been sleeping well?"

Rylen nodded. "You've mentioned that your nightmares returned recently, but surely this can't all be about lack of sleep."

"What was the first thing you were taught in your training with Lana?" Cullen asked, leaning back in his chair and taking a sip of his coffee.

"To make sure that I took care of myself by getting plenty of exercise and sleep, also the right types of food," Rylen parroted.

"Why?"

Rylen smiled in understanding. "Because, when our bodies are healthy, we are better able to handle outside input." He chuckled. "And I have a whole bunch of that these days."

Cullen sighed. "When our foundations are strong, we are at our sharpest. Our mental ability to handle our environment is just as important as our physical reflexes." He leveled his gaze at Rylen. "It's true for everyone. Even for someone like me whose had more experience with this than any one person should ever have to endure." Cullen looked down, picking at the lid on his coffee-cup. "I haven't been sleeping well, which normally that wouldn't be enough to push me off my game…"

"But?" Rylen prompted.

"...but, lately my nightmares have included a looming darkness in them. I don't know how else to describe it. I don't know who or what it is, but it feels ominous. It feels… inevitable." He sighed heavily. "Dorian mentioned that this might be more of a premonition than just my past fears coming back to haunt me."

"So… you've got a 'looming darkness' hanging over your head, making you jumpy?" Rylen asked skeptically.

"Well, when you put it like that..." Cullen rolled his eyes, then put his face in his palms. "It's not just that, Rylen. This feels real. It is coming and I fear it's going to take something important away from me." He looked over at the rose on his desk.

Following his gaze, Rylen drew in a breath. "Surely not Alistair!" If he was incredulous before, that was nothing compared to the disbelief in his voice now.

"And… Kieran," Cullen added in a whisper before wiping his hands down his face and clearing his throat. "I didn't know how it was going to happen, but… yesterday when Alistair spoke to his attorney, I saw something in him shift." Cullen looked up, haunted. "I'm torn Rylen. I don't like feeling possessive; I don't want to feel jealous. Yet, I can't help but feel threatened by Anders coming to town. The way the rest of the world ceased to exist for Alistair when they were talking… I just—"

"Then we'll get Dania a different attorney. It doesn't have to be Anders."

Cullen was already shaking his head. "Anders Thekla is the best at what they do. If anyone has a chance of bringing a Mac Tir to justice, it's them and I don't have it in me to take that away from Dania. She's been through too much, whether I have to suffer or not, she will feel safe again."

Before Rylen could respond, Cullen's phone chirped from the side of the desk. He looked at it and sighed.

 **[10:05]**

Alistair: I just got off the phone with Anders. They will be in town within the hour. I've made reservations for us all to have lunch together - Dania has already said she'd be there. I hope eleven-thirty is okay.

Cullen stared at his phone for a couple more minutes trying to decide how to get out of it. He looked up at Rylen, conflicted. "I just can't do it Rylen, I need to figure this shit out before I meet them. I don't want to come off as an ass, but I think seeing Alistair and Anders together right now might break me."

"Why? What are you afraid of?" Rylen asked.

"I'm afraid of seeing the reality of my fears before me. I need to get myself in check before we meet and doing so in public may not be the best place for it."

"On the contrary, I think that having people all around you will keep you more aware of your actions." Rylen shrugged. "But that might just be me."

Cullen sighed and typed out a quick reply.

 **[10:08]**

Cullen: I can't make it today; I'm swamped. Enjoy your lunch; feel free to bill it to me at the station. You can brief me on the details later.

Cullen's phone rang, so he answered trying to put on his most professional voice. "Hey, Al—"

"Are you okay?" Alistair asked without preamble.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know, you seem… off. I just want to make sure everything is all right."

Cullen scoffed and said under his breath, "I'm surprised you even noticed."

"Wait, what? Cullen, what's going on?" Alistair sounded worried.

Pushing down his guilt, Cullen answered, "I'm sorry, Alistair, I'm really busy right now. I need to focus on finding Nick. It's like he's fallen off the map."

Alistair sighed. "Cullen, love, you'd let me know if something wasn't ok… wouldn't you? You'd tell me if something else was bothering you?"

"Of course, I'm just… I think it's better if we divide and conquer at this point." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Plus... I know how excited you are to see Anders again. I don't want to get in the way," Cullen said, trying his best to sound casual, but falling short, even to his ears. "I thought you two might like some time to… re-connect."

There was a pause of silence on the other side of the line. "If this is about my history with Andy, Cullen-" Alistair took a steadying breath. "Sweetheart, you know you hold my heart now. I love you , and only you."

"Look, I'm trying… I— I just have a lot to do. This case-"

Alistair cut in, "How did your visit with Dorian go yesterday? I never got a chance to ask."

"It was… fine."

"Did you guys come up with anything new about these dreams? Are they related to… to this ?"

"Alistair, if you want all the details, just call him yourself, I don't have time—"

"Cullen, please don't push me away like this. I'm worried about you and you're not giving me any straight answers."

"Well stop , all right? I'm fine. I'll be… fine." Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose as the silence stretched.

"Look Cullen, Anders is really looking forward to meeting you." Alistair sighed. "I wish you would join us for lunch, but I understand if you can't. Or, at least, I think I do. You can't avoid meeting forever, though. Why don't I bring you something back after? You need to eat. I'd like… I need to see you. Then maybe after, you two can meet."

Cullen sighed. "What will that solve?"

"I'm hoping that maybe… meeting them will help with whatever this is you've got going on."

"I doubt it," Cullen said under his breath, then resigned himself to the inevitable. "Fine… whatever will make you happy. I have to go. Enjoy your visit and I guess I'll see you later." He hung up before Alistair could respond.

"Well, that went well," Rylen deadpanned.

"Shut up, Rylen. I feel like such an ass. He hasn't done anything to deserve being treated like that; I just can't help myself right now."

"You need to try harder."

"I know. But he doesn't know what I know."

"What do you know? Nothing really, is it? You've had dreams and you feel like they're a premonition. But dreams aren't always literal. They're abstract. So what if… what if your dreams are just projecting you pushing him away? The results would still be the same, wouldn't they? It's like a self fulfilling prophecy."

Cullen sighed again. "You may be right, Rylen. How do I shake this feeling?"

"That's a good question. What's helped you in the past?"

Cullen thought about it. Reaching out to touch the sword on the wall behind him, he ran his fingers lovingly over the blade. "Even at my darkest, my faith always helped carry me through."

"When was the last time you went to the chantry?"

"We went to visit Mother Natalie last week."

"But, when was the last time you were there… for you?"

Cullen thought about it. He still maintained his chants and devotionals at home, but the only time he sought his faith for comfort lately was after particularly bad nightmares. "It's been... awhile. I used to live so close that it was nothing to just go take a few moments after work. But now? I seek comfort in Alistair and Kieran. I find comfort in… my family."

"So, maybe you need to go today after work. Perhaps Andraste will have the answers you seek."

Cullen ventured a small smile. "Thanks, Rylen. For everything."

"Anytime, boss. Now, if we're done feeling all these emotions…" He waved his hands to mimic clearing the air. "I think it's time we get to work and find this asshole."

"You're right. I'm almost done transcribing the recording from yesterday. Is there any new information from our officers out in the field?"

"We had people out canvasing his usual hangouts all night. No one's seen him. Oh, but we did get a phone call from his father this morning."

"Loghain?" Cullen asked, surprised.

"The one and only. He said that he heard we were looking for Nick and wanted us to know that he hasn't seen him. He also wanted to assure us that he will let us know if and when he hears anything; that his 'people' are currently out looking too. Whatever influence you had on him the last time you two butted heads, seems to have sunk in and done some good."

"I have to admit, I'm pretty surprised. He's on his last strike right now; he knows if he fucks up one more time I will have him by the balls. It's been blissfully quiet without a Mac Tir on my radar lately. Guess it was just too good to last. Let me know if he calls back with any updates. In the meantime, who do we have out in the field?"

"Kelvin and Sera are currently out talking to people. Sera has some contacts that might have some inside information. Oh, and Cole from the night shift said he had some things to follow up on today, so he's working a double."

Cullen looked up, interest piqued. "He knows something, doesn't he?"

"He hasn't said-specifically-but you know how he is. He'd rather stay in the shadows and fix things when people aren't looking. But by his reaction, I'd say, yes. He's on the trail of something, or someone, to help the case."

"Is he working alone?"

Rylen shook his head. "No, sir; Merrill is with him. She said something about keeping him by her side because he's a little too focused to pay attention to his surroundings right now. He was rambling on about an evil presence and he needs to find it before it succeeds. Maybe that's your ominous presence? Or, maybe it's just Cole trying his best to find Nick before he hurts Dania. But, whatever it is, he's pretty focused on finding it right now. Merrill's got Sten and Dagna covering tonight's shift and she's called in favors from other districts to fill in the holes; Hawke and Hawke will be arriving later this evening; on loan from the fourth."

"Garrett and Carver? I've worked with them before... good men, even if they're a little unorthodox. Carver used to want to be a Templar, back in the day; probably would have made a good one too, but his brother didn't want to join and I hear they're really close."

"Inseparable, so the rumors go. "Rylen shrugged. "Anyway, everyone's doing what they can. We'll find that asshole. In the meantime, you take care of you; go sleep it off at Dorian's again if you have t o . And don't let the 'premonition' get under your skin. You and Alistair are made for each other. He loves you." Rylen pointed to Cullen's rose. "Please keep that in mind before you let your imagination run off on any more tangents."

"I'll do my best, Rylen. Thank you."

"Anytime, boss. Do you need anything else?"

"Lets pull in a few more officers. Follow up on Merrill's inquiries and see which precincts have people to spare. I want bodies in the field, but I don't want to leave anyone short handed."

"You got it, sir." Rylen clapped Cullen on the shoulder, then took his leave.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

 **TW** Cullen wakes from his nightmare and has a panic attack which causes vomiting. The rest is him just trying to climb out of his own head.

Thank you all for reading, to **Pontical** for their editing prowess, and to **Tatteredleaf** for having my back. I made lots of changes after other fingers left my cookie jar. All errors at this point, are all my own!

 **Where else can you find me?**  
Instagram: aurlana1313

Twitter: Aurlana1  
Tumblr: Aurlyn  
Pillowfort: Aurlana  
FB: Aurlana Emma  
AO3: Aurlana  
and on Discord: Aurlana#2619


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary:**

Alistair's concerned and finds comfort with his best friend.  
Cullen's looking a little worse for wear.  
Something is bound to snap soon.

(New dolls this chapter! Welcome Lana and Anders!) :) - To see the pictures I've created to go with these chapters, please find me on Twitter: Aurlana1 or Instagram: Aurlana1313

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **TW** More of Cullen's downward spiral. And Alistair finally drawing the line.

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 51**

Mishaps & Misfortune - Part 8

* * *

Alistair was a mess of frustrated energy. He was attempting to take inventory at the bar, but ended up just moving things around: roughly, needlessly, and loudly. He started to reach for the expensive case of Johnny Walker Blue when he felt a familiar hand on his arm.

"Alistair, stop." Lana calmly took his hands in hers and guided him over to a crate where she made him sit down. "Abusing the stock won't make you feel better and breaking things is only going to cost you more in the long run. Neither of which is helpful."

Alistair rested his head against her stomach and took comfort in her fingers running through his hair. "I'm sorry. It's just… Cullen's not acting like himself and it's got me a little frustrated."

"A little?" She raised one eyebrow.

"Okay, a lot," he amended.

"You want to tell me about it?"

"As if you don't already know what's going through my head," Alistair grumbled.

Lana shrugged. "True. But, sometimes it helps to talk things through, the process itself can lead to new ideas-"

"Yeah, yeah. You're smart. I get it." Alistair frowned.

Lana sat down on the crate next to Alistair and waited patiently for him to start.

Wrapping an arm around her, he sighed, forlornly. "I sent him a text earlier to invite him to lunch and his response was… well, it wasn't what I expected."

"What happened?" she asked.

"He turned me down, for one. So I called him to see if he was okay and… he just seemed off. He brushed away my questions and then snapped at me. Something's going on with him and I feel like he's pushing me away."

'So, what do you think is going on?" Lana asked.

Alistair sighed, hanging his head. "I don't know. He's been having his nightmares again; waking up in a cold sweat and can't get back to sleep until I get home."

"Is he still letting you comfort him?"

"Physically, yes. But, he won't talk about what's going on. I don't know what he's dreaming about, but whatever it is, it's getting worse."

Lana nodded her head and chewed her bottom lip in that telltale way that let Alistair know she was deliberating over how much to tell him.

"You know something more, don't you?" He narrowed his eyes at her, then sighed in resignation. "I feel like I'm the only one in the dark here. He talks to Dorian, he… well, I guess he doesn't have to talk to you."

"No, see, that's just it. I don't know what's going on either," she said, sadly. "I can feel only a trickle of his emotions and I might get a word from him here or there, but Cullen has his shields buttoned up so tight right now. He really must struggling with whatever's got him so worked up for him to be so guarded."

Alistair groaned. "That's just great. The one in that could help allay my fears, and he's hiding from you too." He rested his cheek on the top of her head. "What do you think I should do?"

"Just give him time to work through it on his own and trust that everything is going to be okay." She smiled, reassuringly. "He'll come to us when he's ready."

"I've been trying, but he's not making it easy. It also doesn't explain why he's being so weird about Andy?"

"Andy?" Lana looked up in interest. "Did he say something to you about Anders?"

"Nothing specific. He's just acting really odd about them. They haven't even met yet and it feels like Cullen wants nothing to do with them." Alistair looked at his hands and picked at one of his nails.

Lana narrowed her eyes. "Has anything happened that would have set him off?"

Alistair shrugged. "Not that I can think of? I mean. We've talked about Anders before. Cullen knows about our history and never seemed bothered by it. It was a long time ago anyway. It wasn't until Dania came in and I called Anders to town that Cullen started to act differently."

"Hmmm. Maybe it's just the seriousness of the case?" Lana supplied. "You know how focused he gets over those he feels responsible for protecting."

"Maybe, but he seemed okay after we got Dania's statement and then he just… checked out."

"What happened after Dania's statement that could have changed things?"

"We were both disgusted with what she told us, and after she left we were commiserating over the fact that I thought fighting darkspawn was easier to deal with… and then... " Alistair sucked in a breath. "Shit!"

"Sounds like you found your way back to a possible cause?" Lana elbowed him playfully in the ribs.

"Possibly? I'm not sure. Anders called and I sort of… took over Cullen's office while we hashed out the details of their coming to town."

Lana frowned at him.

"I know, I know. I already apologized to him for being so rude. I just got so excited to finally get to talk to Anders after all this time and I sort of… misplaced my manners." He looked at Lana in horror. "He made a comment on the phone earlier too, something about giving us time to re-connect. He couldn't seriously think that I… and with Anders-"

"Cullen's been under a lot of stress and pressure lately. Add to that the fact that he hasn't been sleeping well and you have a recipe for doubts and insecurities to breed and fester." Lana lay her hand on Alistair's. "You need to talk to him before they meet. Just the two of you."

Alistair nodded. "Yeah, yeah I do. I'll try to steal a few minutes with him after lunch before I introduce the two of them. Maybe after they meet in person, he'll see that Andy's one of the least threatening people around. Plus, I think if Cullen gave them a chance, he'd see how alike they really are. Anders was tickled pink about the prospect of working with Cullen." He chuckled. "I think they have a bit of hero worship going on; the way they were waxing poetic about Cullen's history with the chantry and all the work he's done for the people ever since."

"Anders is a kind soul. They'll understand if Cullen needs a little more time."

Alistair shook his head. "I don't want to put that on them. Anders has been through so much already."

"Losing Karl was hard on them," Lana agreed. "I can't even imagine how I'd feel if I lost Lel."

"I know," Alistair said. "I just wish we could have been there as they dealt with everything."

"Anders asked for space so they could mourn properly, we only did what they asked of us."

"I know. I just hate that it had to be a case that brought them into town. But now that they're on their way, I'm looking forward to catching up." Alistair stood up and pulled Lana into his arms for a quick hug. "Thanks for talking, for… helping me calm down."

"Anytime, you know that," Lana said, standing on her toes to kiss Alistair on the cheek.

"I know, and it's appreciated. Listen, can you finish up here? I need to check out the loft to make sure it's ready for Anders, then head out to meet everyone at the restaurant."

"Of course. Enjoy your lunch, and Ali?"

"Hmmm?" He turned back to look at Lana.

"It will be okay. Just give him time and watch your actions with Anders. You and I both know where your heart lies, but if that is what Cullen's worried about, you don't want to fuel his imagination any further."

Alistair nodded, turned with a sigh and headed to the loft.

* * *

Alistair enjoyed his lunch with Dania and Anders. It was the perfect distraction. He really missed his old friend and was pleased to see how well everyone got along. He just wished Cullen was there as well.

The meeting wasn't all fun and reminiscences, though. Anders was brought up to speed with everything that had happened, and they were able to discuss a makeshift game plan for when Dania's case went to trial. It was a start, and from their discussion, it seemed like they would actually have enough evidence to finally lock Nick Mac Tir away for a very long time.

Alistair ordered Cullen lunch to go, then bid farewell to Dania and her entourage before heading over to the precinct. He hoped that Lana was wrong, and that Cullen was just being cranky from lack of sleep. But, as Anders bantered happily about how excited they were to meet the famous Commander who, against all odds, broke from his ties with the chantry, Alistair had a sneaking suspicion that this meeting wasn't going to go the way he wanted it to.

* * *

"Hey, Jim. This is my friend, Anders. They'll be working closely with us on the case against Mr. Mac Tir," Alistair said when they entered the station.

Jim stood from his desk and shook Anders' hand. "Pleasure to meet you. The boss is in the office if you want to—"

"Hello, Alistair," Rylen interrupted. "This must be the famous, Mx. Thekla we've been waiting for."

Anders smiled and accepted the handshake, looking a little confused. "Commander, Rutherford, I presume?"

Rylen laughed and winked at Alistair. "My wife would be really confused if I were." He turned his smile back to Anders. "I'm Lieutenant Rylen Vitez, the Commander's second in command. I thought I'd go over the reports with you while Alistair and Cullen touch base on a few things." He looked pointedly at Alistair, who smiled apologetically to Anders.

"Sorry for the confusion. I was a little worried that the papers got his likeness all wrong." Anders smiled, bashfully. "It's a pleasure to meet you in any case, Lieutenant. As long as Alistair's ok with it, I'll be happy to join you. I still have a few questions that Dania wasn't able to answer for me over lunch. Maybe you'll be able to shed some light on things?"

"I will do my best, Mx. Thekla," Rylen said.

"It's just Anders, please."

Rylen smiled. "Of course, please call me Rylen. Jim, will you show our new friend to my office? I will be there in a moment."

"Yes, sir," Jim said, and quickly complied with the request.

When they were alone, Rylen turned to Alistair, his brow furrowed with worry. "I can buy you about twenty minutes. I suggest you make them count." At Alistair's confused look, he added, "Lana called and mentioned you needed some time with Cullen before he's introduced to Anders."

He clasped Rylen on the shoulder and smiled gratefully. "Thanks. I owe ya one."

"You owe me more than one by now." Rylen chuckled. "But if you can smooth his rough edges, I'll consider us even. He's pretty bad today."

Alistair nodded and headed for the door with Cullen's lunch in hand. He knocked softly, then slipped inside, closing the door behind him. Cullen looked terrible: he'd forgotten to shave, his shirt was untucked, tie askew, and the dark circles under his eyes were prominently visible as he carefully scrutinized Alistair's suit when he walked in.

"You dressed up for you lunch… date," Cullen said simply, schooling his features into an emotionless mask.

Alistair smiled carefully as he approached, handing Cullen the container. "I brought you some gnocchi from that little Italian place we like to go to; it has that pesto cream sauce you like so much." He looked down, smoothing down the front of his suit while Cullen moved it to the other side of the desk, barely sparing it a glance. "I dressed for you, actually. I was hoping you'd join us, but I understand that you're busy. This case-"

"You took Anders to our favorite restaurant?" Cullen interrupted.

"I… yes?" Alistair swallowed. "Dania said she'd never been and Sten wouldn't stop talking about their cannolis; you know how much he likes his sweets. I did invite you to join us."

Cullen closed his eyes and took a long steadying breath. "You did. I'm sorry. And... thank you." He looked up with a small, forced smile. "I like that suit on you."

Alistair smiled again and took a step forward. "Have you eaten yet?"

Cullen shook his head then ran his fingers through his hair. Alistair couldn't remember the last time he saw Cullen look this haunted.

"Can I…" Alistair took another step closer, his arms open low, but wide.

Cullen bit his lip looking like he was trying to make a decision.

Alistair waited patiently, perfectly still, then suddenly found himself with Cullen's body flush with his own - his head tucked into the crook of Alistair's neck, clinging to him like he were a lifeline. Wrapping his arms around Cullen, Alistair held onto him tightly. "Hey. I don't know what's got you so stressed, but whatever it is, we'll get through this, you do know that, right?"

Cullen nodded, then shook his head, holding on tighter. He didn't relax into the embrace like he normally would. But he was there in his arms, so Alistair would take it as a start.

"Please don't ever doubt how much I love you, okay?" asked Alistair quietly.

"I'm sorry. I'm tired… I'm so fucking tired. This case has me on edge and my nightmares certainly aren't helping. I know that's no excuse, but please just grant me a little extra patience until I can get my shit together." Cullen whispered almost to himself, "I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you."

Alistair lifted Cullen's chin and gently pressed their lips together. "Hey, none of that. I'm not going anywhere. Yes, I wish you'd talk to me, but I know you will in time. You have your process that you need to walk through. I'm ok knowing that you're talking to Dorian and not keeping it in. I will be here when you're ready. I am worried about you though; you're not getting enough sleep, you're probably not eating well, either. Maybe I should take a few days off so you can-"

"No! No, really, Al. It's ok. Rylen and I have worked out a plan for me to start working a later shift. Even if I can't sleep unless I'm with you, I won't have to wake up so early, so I'll get more rest than I have been."

Alistair smiled. "That's wonderful, love. I would still take time off for you though, I would do anything to help you get through this."

Alistair sighed when he felt Cullen's lips on his cheek. "I have to say, coming home last night and seeing you curled up with Kieran was pretty adorable. How'd he manage to get you to agree to a movie on a work night?"

Cullen shrugged. "It was my idea actually. He said he missed me and I just… I guess I needed some time with him as much as he needed time with me. Kieran is…" Cullen swallowed, thickly and seemed to change the direction of his thought. "He's so lucky to have you as his father."

"I'm not so sure about that." Alistair chuckled. " You're the father figure that helps him control his magic and the responsible one that makes sure he has everything he needs. I'm just there to annoy Morrigan and get him into trouble every chance I get."

"Don't sell yourself short; he's your son-your blood. If he woke up tomorrow and I wasn't able to be there, he'd still be able to manage without me."

Cullen wouldn't meet his eyes, no matter how Alistair tried to catch them. Threading his fingers through Cullen's curls, Alistair kissed him on the forehead. "Hey, we are his family, blood or not. And yes, the girls managed to help him for the six months we were gone, but no one can take care of him the way you can. He needs you. I need you. What's going on, sweetheart? Why are you talking this way?"

Cullen pulled away, his eyes closed, shoulders slumped in defeat. "It doesn't matter. It won't matter soon enough."

"Cullen? Hey, you're starting to scare me. What do you know that you're not sharing-"

Before he could finish, there was a knock on the door and Anders poked their head in with a bashful grin. "Hey, um… Rylen said that if all was quiet, it was safe for me to just come on in."

Cullen quickly moved out of Alistair's space, putting the desk between him and Anders.

With one last look at Cullen, Alistair sighed and turned toward Anders. "It's ok, Andy. Come on in. I guess now's as good a time as any." From the corner of his eye, he saw Cullen shift uncomfortably. "Anders Thekla, I have the distinct pleasure of introducing you to Cullen Rutherford. Sweetheart," Alistair said pointedly. "This is Andy."

Anders stepped forward, a huge smile on his face. "It's an honor and a privilege to meet you, Commander Rutherford. I've followed your impressive career for several years. The way you left the chantry; throwing their propaganda back in their face while maintaining your rank and dignity was… well, it was truly inspiring! And when Ali told me that we'd all be working together, I couldn't help but jump at the chance. I mean, to get to work side-by-side fighting the injustices of the world and finally putting the Mac Tirs in their place." Anders took a breath. "Well, it's the stuff dreams are made of. This is why we do what we do, isn't it? To help those who can't help themse-"

"Mx. Thekla." Cullen cut them off, giving Anders' hand a perfunctory shake, then pulling his hand back quickly, clenching it in a fist. "Thank you for coming so quickly when Mr . Theirin called. I trust you've been brought up to speed?"

Alistair took a step back, feeling like he'd been hit. The way Cullen said his name - the family name he knew Alistair didn't like to use - felt like it was purposeful, but he couldn't figure out what point he could be trying to make with it.

Anders blinked, looking back and forth between Alistair's shocked expression and Cullen's impassive one. "I uh.. Yes, sir. I have. Your lieutenant was very well prepared in showing me the documents relating to this case. He even managed to get ahold of the hospital records, though he says he's having some trouble tracking down the cab driver that found Dania the first time."

Cullen folded his arms across his chest and leaned back in his chair leveling a glare at Anders. "Did my lieutenant also inform you of the trouble we've been having locating Nick Mac Tir?"

"Yes, sir." Anders answered. "He said that the city isn't big enough for him to hide forever, though."

Cullen nodded. "I have every confidence in my team. We will have him soon. He's going to slip up, and when he does, he will be brought in."

Alistair watched as Cullen closed himself off further. It was worse than he was expecting. He'd seen Cullen all business before, but he was being condescending and rude, which was shockingly unlike him - very unprofessional. Alistair sighed. He hoped that Cullen would have been a little more receptive to Anders.

"Did you have something to add, Mr. Theirin ?" Cullen finally looked him in the eye and Alistair really didn't like what he was seeing.

"Mr. Their-?" Alistair sputtered. "Cullen, I'm a little concerned about-"

"If it's not pertaining to the case at hand, I suggest you hold your thoughts for later." They locked eyes, neither willing to budge.

Anders cleared their throat. "I um… You seem to be very confident in your team. That's admirable"

"I am. They've earned my confidence."

Alistair frowned at the insinuation. He thought he had Cullen's confidence too, but apparently not.

"I'm sure they have." Anders smiled, positivity seemingly unflappable. "It's good to be able to trust those that you work with. When Al and I were in the field, there was no one else I'd trust more to have at my back."

"So I've heard."

"You have? Really?" Anders face lit up with excitement. "Did Alistair tell you about the time that we-"

Cullen's already-rigid posture stiffened further. "If that is all that you have regarding the case, I suggest you take your… reminiscing... elsewhere. I have work to do."

Alistair looked hard at Cullen. "Andy, can you give us a few minutes alone, please?"

Anders looked nervously between Alistair and Cullen. "Sure, Al. Whatever you need." Then turned to Cullen. "Look, before I-

"Anders," Alistair snapped, then remembering himself, he said softer, "I'll be with you in just a second… okay?"

With a quick bob of their head, Anders left, the soft click of the door the only sound.

Alistair looked hard at Cullen. "Well, that had to have been the most mortifying experience of my life."

"Al—" Cullen stood up from the desk, his head bowed.

"No, Cullen. You don't get to chime in right now, because you've already said enough. You've made it perfectly clear that you don't trust me. I can't believe you'd treat my friends so terribly; it really shows what I mean to you…" He exhaled audibly, steeling himself. "I need some time to think about everything that's happened today; everything that's happened in the last week, month, hell — it feels like nothing's solid now… I'm not even sure what's true..." Alistair ran his fingers through his hair tugging hard on the short strands on top. He growled, then turned and headed toward the door. At the last moment he looked over his shoulder, "I'd like it if you found someplace else to sleep tonight. All of that hurt , Cullen. Anders didn't didn't deserve it and neither did I."

Cullen sighed, collapsing back into his chair, into himself. "I could stay at the loft."

"Andy's staying at the loft; find someplace else." And with that, Alistair walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Thank you for your overwhelming support and love!  
It means so much to me.


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary:**

Cullen finds his way to the Chantry seeking clarity.  
Rylen is left to deal with the aftermath.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **TW** \- This is not a happy chapter, but it was necessary to get to where we're going. The good news is... after this? The only direction we can go is up!

It will get better, I promise.

Keep in mind that "and they lived happily ever after" is my middle name. ;)  
Ok, not really - that would be terribly awkward. But still, it will all be okay!  
I promise.

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 52**

Mishaps & Misfortune - Part 9

* * *

Cullen hung his head in his hands. He'd really fucked up this time. He didn't mean to be so petty, but once the words started flowing... He let his fear and his anger lead him on. In trying to avoid the one thing he'd been dreading most — losing Alistair - he'd catapulted that thing into reality. Dorian was right, he'd unintentionally fulfilled his own prophecy.

With a deep sigh, Cullen picked up his phone and sent a quick message to Dorian.

 **[16:15]**

Cullen: I need a place to stay tonight.

His phone rang immediately. "What happened? What's wrong?" Dorian asked.

"Can I stay with you tonight or not? ...I could get a hotel," Cullen responded, tersely.

Softer, yet sternly, Dorian answered, "You know that you're welcome with me anytime, Cullen. But you also know that I don't deserve that tone from you. Try again and give me something better to work with."

Cullen rubbed his temple. "I'm sorry, Dorian. You're right. It's just that… I fucked up. I really fucked up, so much so that Alistair asked me to find someplace else to sleep tonight. Can I give you the details when I see you?"

"That would be acceptable," Dorian said. "What time should I expect you?"

"I don't know. I have so much work to do. And with recent… developments, I think I may need to stop by the Chantry too."

"To see Mother Natalie?"

"No. This time it's just for me. It's been a while and I'm hoping-"

"Hoping to find some clarity?" Dorian interrupted.

"Something like that. You know me too well."

Dorian chuckled. "Yeah, I do. And I'm glad that you're doing this for yourself. You always seem to find answers in the quiet of those halls. I hope it helps you tonight, too."

"I have my faith. Everything else will figure itself out, right?"

"It might take some outside work too, but yeah, it's not a bad place for you to start."

Dorian's words were comforting, but Cullen still sighed heavily.

"Hey," Dorian said. "I want you to do me a favor between now and when I see you tonight."

"If it's within my power, all you have to do is ask; you know that."

"I do, but this isn't for me. I want you to remember that whatever it is that's going on right now… it's only temporary. It doesn't control you, nor does it define you. You will get through this. Understand? You've gotten through worse."

"Okay. I'll do my best. Thanks again. I will see you tonight." Cullen hung up without waiting for a response and rested his head on his arms. "I really need to get my shit together," he groaned.

It was dark by the time Cullen finished his paperwork and made his way over to the Chantry. The air was crisp and the streets were strangely quiet, but he noticed none of it as he trudged the familiar path. With his hands deep in the pockets of his blazer, Cullen only felt the weight of his actions and words pressing down on him.

Stepping through the ancient doors, he felt a warmth envelope him. It wasn't relief; all of his worries weren't miraculously lifted. It was more like an old friend, wrapping him in a warm embrace, telling him it was going to be okay. The tightness in his shoulders relaxed a bit, but not enough to lift the full weight of his heavy heart.

The last few times he'd been to the chantry, Mother Natalie met him and Alistair at the door. This time, all that met him was a peaceful silence. He stopped at the end of the isle and knelt in supplication. He'd come here so many times before, not feeling worthy of Andraste's love, yet being welcomed every time. Today, he felt even more unworthy than usual. With a shaky breath, he got back to his feet and made his way toward the statue of Andraste at the front of the room. Picking the most appropriate chant, he began speaking before his knees even hit the cushion.

Losing himself in the familiar cadence of the verse, Cullen finally let go of the stress and pressure he'd been feeling. The weight of the world was no longer resting on his shoulders. He was a man -no more, no less- allowed to make mistakes with the choice on how to move forward from them. He was certain that he loved Alistair more than anything; he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that his fears were what pushed him toward making those brash comments earlier. Alistair didn't deserve any of it. It was unfair to him… and to Anders. Neither had done anything to earn his ire. That was all on him.

The chant stilled on his tongue at that thought. Anders was here of his own free will, to assist and help with a young woman whose life had been threatened. Even in the face of Cullen's biting tongue and stilted temper, Anders remained professional, trying to help for no other reason than because it was the right thing to do.

Cullen checked his watch. With a heavy sigh, he realized that he had a lot of apologizing to do; he just wished it wasn't so late, because he needed to do it sooner rather than later. Alistair was at work; Anders, most likely, was either at the bar or above it, if what Alistair said was true. No, not if . Alistair said that Anders would be staying in the loft. There was no reason for him to believe otherwise. Dorian was expecting him, but he needed to try to fix this tonight.

With a determination he hadn't felt in a while, Cullen smiled up at the statue of Andraste and whispered, "Thank you".

"I'm sure, if she could talk, she would tell you that you're welcome." Mother Natalie smiled placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You look much lighter than when you first walked in. I was a little concerned when I saw you. You looked like a man on a mission; I didn't want to interrupt."

Cullen returned her smile. "It's good to see you, Mother Natalie. And yes, she's brought me some clarity." He indicated the statue. "I've been so stupid."

"What happened?" she asked.

"I've been letting my fears and what-ifs guide me and not paying attention to the wonder before me. I made some comments that were insensitive and abrupt, but now I know what I need to do to fix things."

"You are a good man, Cullen." She looked up at the statue. "I've found much peace and solace here at our Lady's feet, myself."

Cullen looked back up at the statue in reverence. "I came here to seek comfort and to find my way. I asked for guidance and she's given me that and so much more." He took Mother Natalie's hands in his, climbing to his feet. "My faith in the Maker and his methods have never wavered, though tonight I feel as though his light is shining on me brightly."

"Your light has always shined brightly, child. Never lose that spark of life." She patted his cheek, affectionately.

"Forgive me for not staying and visiting longer; there's something I need to do." He kissed her knuckles, then one of her cheeks and beamed at her before practically skipping off down the aisle toward the door.

Cullen raced down the steps and across the park, removing his blazer as he went. He needed to freshen up and change before seeing Alistair. He was so intent on getting to his Jeep -so lost in his thoughts- Cullen didn't notice the figures lurking in the shadows, biding their time. The first strike was sudden, stunning him and dropping him to his knees. The next few came in quick succession, so fast that he didn't have time to summon the smite that would have protected him.

The last thing he saw - A face he recognized all too well, sneering down at him.

The last thing he realized - The ominous presence in his dreams was not Anders. It was fucking Nicholas Mac Tir.

The last thing he thought before the world went dark - Well...shit!

* * *

Rylen sat in the coffee shop at the edge of the park, around the corner from his work. He was waiting for his wife to finish up after the closing shift. From the first second she realized she was pregnant, the smell of fresh brewed coffee made her ill. It made it impossible for her to work during the coffee house's open hours and Rylen didn't want to worry about her coming home at night by herself. He knew she could take care of herself, but it was safer in pairs, and he wasn't about to risk his unborn child. Jan had hired on some additional staff to cover the daytime shifts until her morning sickness abated. He hoped that it went away soon; he was tired of living on the coffee at the station, especially since he was making triple the amount lately to counter Cullen's sleep deprived grumpiness.

Sipping his tea, Rylen was worrying over Cullen's recent behaviors, when the strong smell of something burnt and bitter hit his tongue. His cup crashed to the floor and his vision whited out with intense pain; flashes of Cullen… battered and beaten… left for dead… close…

It's not too late!

Jan was instantly at his side, asking what was wrong. Rylen didn't have time to explain; he didn't have long. Cullen was…

"Call an ambulance," he ordered. "Tell them I said to meet me in the park, there's an officer down. Stay here and lock the door until I get back." He didn't wait for an answer as he stumbled out into the night, drawing his gun, and thanking the Maker -and whatever other gods were out there- that Jan hurried to comply and didn't stop to ask him any questions he wasn't prepared to answer.

The pain, the burnt taste of bitter longing, drew him further into the park. He followed the familiar path that Cullen took between the chantry and the precinct, knowing he'd be somewhere along the well worn trail.

He wasn't wrong.

He found Cullen unconscious, just a little off the path. Rylen made sure there was no one else around before holstering his weapon and kneeling next to Cullen. Finding a weak pulse, he sighed with relief. There was blood flowing freely out of multiple places on Cullen's body; the most worrisome was the blood seeping from his mouth, nose, and ears. Rylen was ill equipped to do anything about those.

Seeing Cullen's coat close by, he grabbed onto it with his mind and drug it over to drape it across Cullen's body. Rylen applied pressure to the lacerations he could see and hoped the little he was able to do was enough to help Cullen until he could get the care he so desperately needed.

The sirens in the distance were steadily growing closer as Rylen did his best to keep Cullen with him; tried to keep him warm. He hoped help got there quickly, because he didn't know how long Cullen would be able to hang on.

With a strangled cry, Rylen tried to reach out to Lana with his mind. But she was too far and he was too overwhelmed to concentrate. His mouth tasted awful and he hurt everywhere, but if he was only tasting and feeling a fraction of what Cullen was feeling…

He took a few deep breaths and tried to reach Lana again, to no avail.

He was desperate and frantic, but he'd done all that was within his power to do. All he could do now was stay with Cullen and hope that when he finally did get ahold of Lana and Alistair that he wouldn't have the worst kind of news to share with them.

With a shuddering sob, he realized that when Alistair left earlier, it was in a fit of rage. Surely something like this would overcome any lover's spat that they'd had in the office? Pressing his forehead to Cullen's, Rylen did something that he hadn't done in a very long time. He prayed. He prayed that the ambulance arrived swiftly. He prayed that Cullen would survive this ordeal. And beyond that, he prayed that he would be able to track down the bastards that did this and bring them to justice.

When the paramedics arrived, Rylen gave them what information he had and instructed them which hospital to take the Commander to so he could have a guard set up outside his room. Before they hauled Cullen away on the stretcher, Rylen found a small scrap of cloth hidden inside one of his tightly clenched fists. Slipping it into his pocket, he hoped it turned into a promising lead.

Gathering Jan from the coffee shop, Rylen hurried over to the precinct where Merrill already had things in motion. As stripped raw as he felt, he was incredibly grateful for Merrill's efficiency. In a short period of time, she'd arranged a ride home for Jan, guards were on their way to the hospital to watch over Cullen, and her keys were in hand ready to take Rylen downtown. He was dreading what he had to do next, but a phone call wasn't going to suffice.

He had to tell Alistair.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

So... a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... Ponticle said to me... "You know what would be great? If you put one of your boys in the hospital! Y'know - after they have a fight, so the other one feels really shitty about it." - ok those weren't their exact words - but it was that conversation that sparked this chapter and though I love how much Ponticle supports me, it's days like this - when I've just finished putting my boys through all this shit - that I seriously wonder, wtf am I doing?! And then I keep reading and writing, and yes - fuckin Ponticle is always right! (Aurlana says, affectionately). Because as painful as this story is, these two will absolutely be that much stronger for all the trials that they endure together. So **Ponticle** I both hate you and fucking love you tonight! And now... I need wine. Or maybe something stronger. Yes... I think it's time for some rum. (it is not gone).

Also, FYI... no dolls were harmed in the making of the images that go with this chapter. (Cullen's shirt, however, might need to be re-sewn) ;) - If you would like to see the accompanying images, please find me on Twitter: Aurlana1, or Instagram: Aurlana1313. :)


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary:**

In the aftermath of Cullen's attack, Rylen makes his way to break the news to Alistair.  
We get a little background on Anders and start our slow painful climb back out of the pit I threw us all in.  
*sorry!* ;)

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 53**

Mishaps & Misfortune - Part 10

* * *

Alistair wiped down the bar and wondered how things went so horribly wrong. A few flippant words from Cullen really hit him where it hurt. Normally, he wasn't so quick tempered when it came to Cullen, but with everything that Andy'd been through lately, he'd be damned if he was going to let Cullen be an ass to them too.

He glanced over to where his friends were speaking quietly together. They'd all missed Anders dearly, but they respected the need for space; grieving was a personal process that everyone handled differently. Alistair could only imagine the heartache and loss they'd been dealing with. It'd only been six months since Karl passed away. A natural born healer, Andy had been powerless to do anything more than sit by his husband's side as he succumbed to the wasting sickness.

Karl's dying request was for Anders to not dwell on what couldn't be changed and to move on with their life. So that's what Anders did. They threw themselves into their work and refused to talk about the loss at all. For the most part, they were very successful in hiding their pain, but Alistair knew Anders far too well; every once in a while he'd catch them rubbing the spot over their heart and frowning slightly. Losing the love of your life couldn't be easy.

Knowing he didn't have it near as bad as Anders, Alistair went back to his vigorous cleaning. The bar was empty, which meant he couldn't distract himself with customers. With a forlorn sigh, he just hoped that whatever had Cullen's panties in a twist would blow over in a few days and they'd be able to talk.

Yes, a few days apart so we can both cool down, is exactly what we need.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't see Anders approach and was startled when he felt a gentle hand on his own, stilling his manic scrubbing.

"Hey, Al. How ya holding up?" Anders asked.

"I don't even know, Andy." Alistair sighed. "I'm embarrassed… that was so unlike him." Alistair hung his head, laying his other hand on top of Anders'. "I'm sorry he treated you that way. I promise he's not usually like that. He's sweet, kind, attentive. No one has ever made me feel…" He looked down then up again with hardened eyes. "I am so damn sorry."

"Hey, it's okay. I get it. I only know him by reputation, but even I can tell that was out of character. The next time we meet, I'm sure it will be better."

"How can you know that? I thought I knew him and even I didn't see his behavior today coming. I was fucking blindsided and neither one of us deserved it."

"Alistair, calm down. He's obviously stressed and exhausted—"

"That's no excuse," Alistair seethed, gripping the side of the bar tightly. "He was curt and rude, he purposefully used my family name, knowing damn well how much I dislike being associated with them. And he did it… twice! But that's not the part that upsets me the most." He wiped his hands down his face and took a breath. "He was condescending to you and after losing Karl, the last thing you need is to be talked down to by anyone. You've been through enough all ready."

"Karl's gone , Alistair. He was gone even before he gave up his fight. The last few months before he died, he was a shell of the man he used to be; none of his vibrance-none of his joy in life-remained." Anders smiled sadly. "Don't get me wrong. I loved him. I will always love him. When you find someone that makes your life that complete, you can't give them up without a fight. If I could still fight for Karl, I would, but I can't. However, I can help you fight for the love of your life. I won't let you lose him. One of us deserves to be happy and complete."

"Andy—"

"No, please listen. Listening to the way you talk about Cullen - hearing you and Dania tell the story about the day she met the both of you; that was beautiful. That's the stuff epic romances are made from. It's not something you see every day. Hell, it's something most people will never get to see in their lifetime, let alone experience them. But, you have that. I don't know what happened today, but I know you both need to cool off and then you need to talk." He paused. "It's going to be okay. I'm not going to let you give up on him."

Alistair sighed. "I don't know-"

"Do you trust me?"

"With my life; you know that," Alistair said.

"Then trust me here, too."

They paused, smiling at each other.

"How are you this good?" asked Alistair.

"When life throws you lemon after lemon, you either wander around with a sour look on your face all the time, or you learn to make the best damn margarita on the planet." Anders grinned. "So how 'bout it? It's been awhile since you let me behind the bar. How 'bout we drink to old times tonight and tomorrow, you go get your man back?"

"If you're offering margarita's, I'm-" Suddenly, the shattering of glass drew Alistair's attention. Before he could do more than register Lana's look of horror and dismay, Rylen burst through the front door, covered in blood.

Frantically scanning the room, Rylen's gaze drifted past Lana before locking onto Alistair's. Mouth opening and closing again, he looked down at the dried blood on his trembling hands. "Alistair… I'm sorry... he…"

With dawning horror, Alistair knew who that blood belonged to.

He leapt over the bar and grabbed Rylen roughly by the shoulders in one fluid motion. "Rylen, what happened? Please don't tell me he's…"

Rylen flinched away with an anguished scream and collapsed to the floor.

Lana jumped between them and placed a firm hand on Alistair's chest. "Al, gentle… be extra gentle with him."

"But… Cullen-"

"Will be no better or worse off if you give Rylen a little bit of space." She looked at Rylen and whispered, "His shields are completely gone. He's feeling everything right now: his own exhaustion, your anxiousness, my worry, and Cullen's pain. The input is overwhelming. We need to be calm so he can gain control of himself."

" Calm ? Lana, how can I be calm? He's covered in Cullen's blood. I don't know if he's alive or dead. You can't possibly expect me to be calm-"

"Enough!" Her voice was dangerously quiet and brooked no argument. "The more you argue with me, the longer it's going to take for me to get him settled and us the answers we need. You will calm down and you will let me do my job, understand?"

Leliana wrapped an arm around Alistair and tugged him back a few steps so he could pull himself together.

With a nod of thanks to Leliana and a last glance at Alistair to make sure he was behaving, Lana knelt cautiously on the floor, turning her focus back to Rylen. "It's going to be okay, Rylen. We're here. We're going to help you."

Rylen's eyes were tight shut, but he nodded almost imperceptibly.

She spoke calmly and quietly, being careful not to touch him. "I need you to breathe with me, Rylen." As she took deep breaths, Rylen mimicked her, slowly uncurling from himself. "Good. You're doing so well. Now with each breath, I want you to picture your shields back where they belong. Build them stronger and higher than before. You can do it. Focus on that, on only that." She closed her eyes and breathed with him for what felt to Alistair like an eternity. "Good, Rylen. You're doing so well, I can see now what you saw. May I… tell them what happened?"

He nodded again, already calmer and more focused on his task at hand.

"Leli, please put a sign out and lock the door. We're going to be closed until further notice." Lana stood and, with a grim expression on her face, she told them the basics of what happened. "He found Cullen in the park, he was beaten, bloody,—unconscious." She took a steadying breath. "The paramedics took him to Calenhad Memorial Hospital where officers have already been set up to guard him. Rylen thinks Cullen's stable, but he's lost a lot of blood and..." She looked down, sadly. "We need to go. I need to get there." She bent down and placed a gentle hand on Rylen's shoulder. "You seem to have things back under control; how are you doing?"

He looked up at her gratefully and pulled himself to a seated position. "I'm ok, Lana. Thank you."

With a nod, she stood back up. "I need to gather a few things before we go, Leli; will you come with me, please?"

"Of course." Leliana followed Lana out of the room.

Alistair extended his hand and carefully helped Rylen back to his feet. "I'm so sorry, Rylen. I didn't mean to-"

Rylen cleared his throat. "It's okay. Believe me, I understand."

"Would you like to ride with us to the hospital? Or would you rather take your own car?"

"No, I'm… Merrill drove me in a squad car; she's waiting outside. I figured if you wanted to go, we could get there quicker with a police escort."

"If I-" Alistair paused, then hung his head. "Oh. I guess I didn't leave today on the best note. I'm sorry you had to see that; not one of my finer moments, huh?"

"Alistair you don't have to explain or apologize. Trust me, I've seen him much worse than how he's been this week. He has a knack, when he's like this, of pressing all the wrong buttons at just the right time. I was hoping he didn't push you too far."

Alistair shook his head and whispered, "I love him…. He just made me so angry." He looked up with grim determination. "Thank you, Rylen, for coming here and letting us know what happened."

Rylen rubbed his hands up and down his upper arms, hugging himself. "When I found him… the only thing I could think of was he needed Lana there to help him… to heal him. I wasn't strong enough to reach her..." He tapped his head. "And I left my phone with at Jan's coffee shop when I ran out the door. Rookie mistake."

Lana came back into the bar from the back, sans apron and with her coat on. "Which is why we need to go. We can work on the distance communication later. One thing at a time." She looked at Alistair. "You ok to drive? Or you want a ride over with Rylen?"

Anders lay a hand on Alistair's shoulder. "I'm fine, Lana. I can drive him over."

Alistair leaned into Anders' touch. "There's no reason for you to come too, Andy."

"Al, C'mon. You know that I'm the best healer here."

Alistair shook his head. "It's not a matter of you being the best healer, Andy; it's a matter of consent. Cullen doesn't know you and his words today prove that he's having issues with you here. He does know Lana, so she will be the one to heal him."

"But, Al."

Alistair sighed. "I'm sorry, Anders, but until he says otherwise, that's the way it needs to be."

Alistair's phone rang, startling him. Not recognizing the number, he answered it on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Is this Alistair Theirin?"

"Yes, this is he. Who's speaking?"

"My name is Doctor Parker at Callenhad Memorial Hospital. Cullen Rutherford was brought in not long ago and your name is listed as his medical power of attorney."

"Please tell me he's okay," he pleaded.

When did Cullen make me the executor of his advance directive?

"I prefer not to get into specifics over the phone, but I can tell you that he is alive and out of immediate danger, though he's not completely out of the woods. I need you to come down so we can go over the list of his injuries and make a plan for further tests and his recovery. I also need someone to get these cops off my back; I'm doing the best job I can and they're hindering more than helping."

Alistair nodded.

"Mr. Theirin. Are you still there?" the doctor asked.

Realizing that he was nodding to a phone call, he cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes. "Yes, I'm here. And I will be right there. That's a big hospital; where should I meet you?"

"Come in through the Emergency Room; triage will know to expect you and escort you to me."

"Thank you, Doctor. I will be there shortly." Alistair hung up and handed Anders his keys.

They followed the police cruiser to the hospital. When Anders stopped Alistair's car in the ER loading zone, Alistair jumped out and raced inside with Lana hot on his heels.

Leaving everyone else to park the cars and wait for them in the lobby, Alistair and Lana were escorted back to the Doctor's office after a quick standoff where Lana refused to leave Alistair's side.

"I'm sorry ma'am, the doctor said-"

"I don't care what the doctor said." Lana stood her ground. "I will be going back with Alistair."

"But…"

"Enough," she growled, leveling a completely done look with the triage nurse. "Do you even know who he is? The fact that his last name is Theirin is not a coincidence, all it would take would be one phone call to his father…"

The nurse's eyes grew wide. "No, ma'am. I'm sorry. There will be no need for… I didn't realize… I'm sure an exception could be made in this case."

"Lana, please," Alistair whispered.

"I will not apologize," Lana said, voice softening. "If there were ever a time to use your family name to our benefit, it's right now. Cullen needs you in there and I will pull any strings necessary to make that happen, even if I have to call Maric or Cailan myself."

Alistair nodded, then shrugged apologetically at the nurse. "There's no use in arguing with her. You better just take us both back now."

"Right away, Mr. Theirin… sir."

With a roll of his eyes, Alistair followed the nurse through the winding corridors to a small office with the tidy nameplate on the door that read: Dr. Samantha Parker. The doctor was direct and to the point, which Alistair appreciated. They didn't sugar coat anything, but also seemed to be optimistic about the course of treatment they wanted to pursue. At least, as far as he could tell. The meeting mostly happened in a blur: lacerations, contusions, possible broken clavicle and swelling in the brain; Cullen was stabilized, but still unconscious. He remembered some details, but was never more grateful to have Lana there asking questions as he was right then.

All he wanted to do was to see Cullen. He needed to see him.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

Late posting this week - I blame the evil migraine fairies (they're all fuckers - don't let their cute tutu's and sparkly wands fool you). Please accept my sincerest apologies. And since I'm already groveling... I shall beg for a little extra time to get the next chapter out as well; not because I'm expecting the evil fairies to stick around, but because I may need a little extra time to prepare the set for the hospital room. Once I get that in order, I should be back on track for my weekly postings.

Thank you all for your continued support, to **Ponticle** , for being an amazing editor and to **Tatteredleaf** , for being my sounding board when I just need a little boost. I am so lucky to have you all in my life!I

If you'd like to see the images that go along with this story you can find them on my Instagram: Aurlana1313 or Twitter: Aurlana1. you can also find them imbedded in the story on my AO3: I post there as myself! Aurlana. :)


	54. Chapter 54

**Summary:**

Alistair gets to see Cullen, then has to call Dorian to tell him.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Sorry for the delay! Doll sized hospital rooms are a bitch to recreate! ;) If you want to see the pictures, feel free to find me on Twitter as Aurlana1 or Instagram as Aurlana1313

Hope you enjoy this chapter... we're almost through the worst of it.  
(I promise)

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 54**

Mishaps & Misfortune - Part 11

* * *

As Doctor Parker led them through the long corridors, Alistair tried to prepare himself for what he'd see when he finally got to Cullen's room. Opening the door, he realized, with sickening horror, that nothing could have prepared him for this . Cullen was barely recognizable beneath blankets, tubes, and wires. There was an IV stand holding both blood and saline feeding into Cullen, a tube helping him breathe, and so many other machines, Alistair could barely discern which one did what. The beeping, blipping, and steady whooshing sound in the room were the only indicators that the too-still, pale form on the bed was still alive.

Alistair didn't realize he'd stopped in the doorway until Lana moved around him and grabbed his face, angling it down to hers. "Alistair, you need to focus. Cullen needs you right now."

He nodded numbly, looking back over at the bed. "Lana," he whispered. "I barely recognize him through all that. He's so bruised and swollen and there's still so much blood." He sobbed. "Why haven't they cleaned him up?"

Lana wrapped her arms around Alistair and held him tight. "I know, Ali. It's going to be all right."

Doctor Parker cleared their throat. "Getting him stable was our first priority. One of the nurses should be in shortly to bathe him."

"Actually," Lana responded. "If you could provide the supplies, Alistair and I will take care of it."

The doctor may have nodded, Alistair wasn't sure. He was frozen in place, staring at the love of his life lying unconscious on the bed. A familiar hand at the small of his back ushered him over to Cullen's bedside. Alistair reached out to touch him, but retracted his hand and looked to Doctor Parker for permission.

They smiled, reassuringly. "We have him heavily sedated until we can get a full assessment of his injuries. It's okay to touch and talk to him. In fact, we believe that he can still hear you; it can't hurt and may actually help him."

Lana brought over a chair for Alistair to sit in, then walked around to the other side of the bed, dragging a stool over for her to step up on.

Alistair looked up in time to see Lana wipe a single tear from her cheek. His tiny, ever-present, guardian angel transformed in front of him; as she brushed a stray curl from Cullen's forehead, the worry behind her eyes was replaced with determination.

"Thank you, Doctor," she said, softly. "Can you leave us with him please? We'd like to be alone for awhile."

"Of course," Doctor Parker said. "I will send someone right in with his bathing supplies and then we'll leave you to your privacy while I get things ordered for him."

When the door closed behind the doctor, Lana went to work assessing his injuries. "Who would do this to him? Who could do this to him? No one person, certainly, I've seen him fight-" She paused when the door opened.

Alistair looked over at the tall, dark-skinned, male nurse as he pushed in a cart with the requested supplies.

The nurse's eyes grew wide when he looked at Alistair, barely concealing his appreciative once-over. Clearing his throat, he stammered in a thick Antivan accent, "P-pardon my intrusion. My name is Eduardo. The doc said that you wanted to do this yourselves, but if you need me -for anything-" He smiled at Alistair. "Just hit the call button on the bed or come find me at the nurses station. It's right across the hall."

Alistair couldn't be bothered to respond to the inappropriate flirtation, if that's what that even was. With a roll of his eyes, he sat down, taking Cullen's bandaged hand in his own. He'd let Lana take care of the nurse; she was more intimidating anyway.

Under any other scenario, he probably would have been amused as Lana, predictably, hopped off the stool and stormed around the bed to give the nurse a piece of her mind.

Before she could say anything Alistair heard footsteps shuffling backward in haste.

Yup - that's my Lana.

"Oh!" the nurse exclaimed, softly. "I didn't realize. I mean, with the way you were touching him, miss, I thought… well, it doesn't matter. It was… I was out of line, please accept my apologies. I am glad he has people here for him, we see so many that don't. Again, if you need anything, the nurses have been instructed to provide whatever you may need."

Lana's thunderous look, softened slightly as he corrected his own mistake. "Thank you," she said eyeing the cart while still backing him toward the door. "We will take your apology under advisement. That will be all for now."

Alistair glanced over in time to see the nurse nod once before leaving.

Lana wheeled the cart over to the side of the bed, eyeing Cullen. "Creators, Ali, he looks worse than he did when I found him at the tower." She walked back around the bed and, stepping back on her stool, kissed Cullen softly on the cheek. "Don't worry, Cullen. We're here. We're going to take care of you."

Laying one hand on his chest and one on the arm closest to her, she began to draw in her magic.

Alistair looked at the door warily while gently cradling Cullen's other hand in his own. "Lana, be careful. As much as I want him whole, they've already seen him. They know how bad he currently is."

She shook her head. "They haven't had time to run all of the tests. Most of what the good doctor gave us was logical assumption based on how bad he looks and their experience, which, I've no doubt, is extensive. They talked about X-rays and a CT-Scan of his brain, but those need to be ordered. Honestly, Alistair, weren't you listening?"

"How could I pay attention when the last things we said to each other were hurtful? Maker, I love him so much and I may not ever get a chance to tell him." He lowered his head and prayed that he'd get a chance to make things right. "Please, make him better so I can tell him how much he means to me."

"You'll get to tell him. And I will be careful." She closed her eyes and began to filter her magic into him, talking Alistair through her process. "I'm healing his internal bleeding and repairing the perforations in his lung. Creators, his insides are a mess. It's worse in here than what they might think." She kept her eyes closed as she continued to focus.

Alistair took the warm wash rag and gently cleaned up the visible blood on Cullen's hands, arms, neck, and face, being careful to avoid the multitude of wires and tubes. He watched Cullen's color improve as Lana worked.

"He has fractures in his ribs and fingers." Lana frowned. "The ribs should be easy enough to mend without drawing too much attention. The fingers may have to wait though." And so she continued, healing his internal injuries, while leaving the visible lacerations and contusions on the surface alone.

After another fifteen minutes, Lana left her perch and pulled over another chair so she could sit and hold Cullen's other hand.

Alistair set aside his cloth. "He didn't wake up," he said, voice heavy with despair.

"I'm sorry, Alistair. I've done all I can for now. I've healed everything I could. There's still some swelling of the brain; that could be what's keeping him unconscious, but it's beyond my skills. Only time can help him now… unless you're willing to ask—"

"No!" he said, vehemently. "The last words Cullen and I shared weren't pleasant and, through no fault of their own, Anders was part of that. Plus, you know how Cullen is about trusting people. He trusts a total of two mages: you and Dorian." Alistair looked up. "Shit! Has anyone called Dorian?"

"Not that I know of," Lana said. "Do you want me to?"

Alistair shook his head. "No, I'll call him. Are you feeling well enough to go give the others an update?"

"I will be in a minute." She stood up and smoothed Cullen's blankets, tucking him in. "Hey Cullen, it's time to come back to us. We love you and heneeds you. You need to fight this so we can all be together again."

Alistair was fidgeting with his phone when Lana came around and hugged him tightly. "He's going to be ok." Kissing the top of his head, she quietly left the room.

Alistair pulled up Dorian's contact information and connected a call.

"If you're calling me at this unholy hour to tell me that you let Cullen come home and he's not going to be sleeping on my couch because you two are too busy canoodling, I will personally make it so that all cheeses taste like sand to you for an entire month!" was Dorian's unceremonious greeting.

Normally, that threat would either have Alistair cringing or laughing at the absurdity, but Alistair currently couldn't bring himself to manage more than a sniffle.

"Al?" Dorian asked, more awake. "Okay, Alistair. You're scaring me. I just checked my couch and Cullen isn't here and you're … Kaffas! What's happened?"

Alistair pulled in a deep breath. "He's okay. I think. I dunno, maybe?" Alistair started, wiping the back of his hand across his nose. "I'm at Calenhad Memorial. Cullen's been... Lana was just here and healed him as best she could, but he's still unconscious."

"What happened?"

"I don't… we don't know yet. Rylen found him unconscious in the park between work and the chantry. Dorian I… I almost lost him."

There was silence, and then Dorian took an audible slow, deep breath. "He's too stubborn to leave that easily. You hear me, Alistair? I'm getting dressed now and will be there soon."

"You don't need—"

"Don't you dare tell me what I need; he's my friend too. I will be there before you know it."

"Okay, Dorian. Thank you. Um, do you need me to send someone to come get you?"

The call was disconnected and Dorian answered from right behind him, startling Alistair to standing. Dorian looked barely awake and disheveled, but he was fully dressed and already heading toward the bed.

"That won't be necessary," Dorian said, his focus solely on Cullen. "Oh, Amatus." He pocketed his phone. "What did they do to you?"

Alistair blinked at him.

"Close your mouth, Alistair. That look doesn't become you," Dorian quipped, checking Cullen's vitals.

"But…?"

Dorian sighed. "Lana is closer to you than almost anyone else, and has a stronger connection to you psychically, so she can find you easier, yes?"

Alistair nodded.

"My… talents aren't the same as hers, though I suppose my connection to Cullen is similar."

"She usually drives, or walks."

"Well, I never learned to drive and it was much too far to walk, so this was quicker." He looked up and rolled his eyes at the lost look on Alistair's face. "Think of it like a homing beacon. If I need to, I can pinpoint where he is and teleport to Cullen instantly. I can do the same with Bull; though, I haven't been able to do it with anyone else. I try not to very often though, frankly; it's exhausting."

"But you couldn't sense him getting beaten mere blocks from your home?" Alistair narrowed his eyes.

"Don't take that accusing voice with me. I just said that my skills are different than Lana's. I cannot sense him, nor can I read his mind. I can track. For most people, I need a personal item and I follow it like a well lit pathway. Cullen lights up the sky like a giant beacon, so I can zero in on his light and bring myself close to him." While he spoke, Dorian poked and prodded Cullen, checking the machines and notes on his chart.

Alistair sat back down and stroked the back of Cullen's hand. "I'm sorry, Dorian. You just surprised me. I am glad that you're here—"

The door to the room opened and Doctor Parker came in. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Theirin. I didn't realize… Doctor Pavus? What are you doing here with my patient?"

Dorian looked up and smiled. "Ah, Doctor Parker. Alistair told me my dear friend was under the best care, I didn't think he meant it literally." At Alistair's questioning look, Dorian explained, "Alistair, your beloved couldn't have a better physician looking after him. Why I bet, he's already doing better than when he came in." He winked, then turned his charm back toward the doctor who was eyeing him skeptically.

"You still didn't answer my question, Doctor Pavus." They nodded at Cullen's chart in Dorian's hands.

"Forgive me," he said. "Cullen is also one of my patients and has been for over a decade. When Alistair called and said there'd been an incident, I rushed down to lend my support and see if there was anything I could do to help."

The doctor nudged Dorian out of the way while they checked all the vitals that Dorian just finished noting. "I can't believe this. I just came in to let Alistair know that we've got his scans scheduled for seven am, but he's already doing better now than when he was admitted." They checked the ventilator, then listened to his chest with their stethoscope. "His coloring has improved as well. I'd still like to run those tests, but I think, for now, we can probably try removing the endotracheal tube to see how he does breathing on his own." They looked up with a smile. "This is… truly amazing. I can't explain it."

Dorian placed a gentle hand on their shoulder. "Sometimes just having the people that love you around can make the most amazing miracles happen; wouldn't you say, doc?"

"I… um, yes. This is good news. I want to monitor him for another hour, then if he's still doing well, I will send someone in to remove the tube and hopefully we can re-evaluate from there." Looking at Alistair, they said, "Mr. Theirin. His Lieutenant is waiting outside to speak with you. If you like, I can send him in."

"Thank you, doctor," Alistair said, eyes still focused on Cullen.

Dorian walked around the bed, leading the doctor toward the door. "Actually, I'd like to speak to you about our patient, if you have a minute."

Doctor Parker looked at Alistair. "Mr. Theirin, do I have your permission to discuss your partner's prognosis with Doctor Pavus?"

"Of course," Alistair said automatically.

Doctor Parker nodded. "I'm doing my rounds; if you want to walk with me, we can compare notes, since you've already had your hands in his chart."

"Well, one can't be too careful; I was just making sure that my dear friend is being well looked after."

"Understood." Doctor Parker held the door open for Dorian. "It seems that Commander Rutherford…"

Alistair tuned out the conversation as it faded down the hallway. Alone with Cullen, Alistair bent over and kissed his knuckles, then the bandages covering each scrape and bruise on his hand and wrist.

"I am so sorry, Cullen," Alistair whispered. "...for everything. I didn't take into account that you'd never met Anders before. You don't know what they've been through, what they're working to overcome. I didn't think about how the dreams you've been having have been affecting you lately. I just didn't think . And now… all…" he took a shuddering breath. "... all I want is to have you back in my arms so I can show you how much you mean to me — to tell you that you're everything to me. I don't want to be without you. I don't want to fight or argue. I don't want you to sleep on Dorian's sofa; I don't want you to have to be anywhere but by my side." Alistair rested his forehead on Cullen's hand. "I want you to come home. Please come home."

* * *

 **Notes:**

Thank you all for your patience as I put this last chapter together.  
Should be smooth sailing from here on out! (ie, no more delays... knock on wood)

My love and gratitude goes out to **Ponticle** and to **Tatteredleaf**. Because of them, the chapter was finished long before I was ready to post. I blame the set - because I needed that image of Lana and Alistair with Cullen recreated. NEEDED it!

Thanks for your support and for sticking with me.  
I promise, the Dawn WILL come... soon.  
And then we shall have copious amounts of fluff!  
(because we'll have totally earned it at that point) ;)


	55. Chapter 55

**Summary:**

More information and making plans. ;)  
And hey, look! - A chapter put out on time! ;)

* * *

 **Cocktails & Cheese**

Cullen and Alistair - A Modern Day AU

 **Chapter 55**

Mishaps & Misfortune - Part 12

* * *

There was a soft knock on the door. Rylen peeked his head in, looking much calmer than he did before. "Hey, Al," he whispered. "How's he doing?"

Alistair affected a smile. "Lana did what she could, but he hasn't woken up yet."

Rylen entered the room and closed the door. "Do you have a minute?"

"For what?" Alistair asked.

"I wanted to apologize to you. I just… I wish I could have found him sooner. I wish—"

"Hey," Alistair interrupted. "I can't even begin to express how grateful I am that you were there. Thank you for finding him. Thank you for getting him the help he needed until we could get here. You saved his life; so please don't apologize."

"Okay," Rylen said with a heavy sigh. He approached the foot of the bed, taking in Cullen's state. "Maker, he looks terrible. I thought you said Lana healed him."

"Well, she couldn't exactly heal all of him. The doctors have already seen his injuries. She had to leave the superficial stuff they'd already observed. She said that she cleaned up the internal injuries as best she could, though. Now he only looks bad on the outside; inside, he's all better. Well, mostly better." He gestured to the chair across the bed from him. "Take a seat. I was actually hoping you'd come by. Can you tell me what happened?"

Rylen took the offered seat. "Lana told you what happened."

"Lana doesn't divulge details; she considers them private. I'd like to know what you saw — what happened. How'd you find him?" Alistair sighed and rested his head on his hands, still holding Cullen's. "I'm sorry, Rylen." He looked up with a weak smile. "How are you holding up, anyway?"

"I'm doing as well as can be expected. Much better than before, certainly. I am going to have to come up with something to tell Jan though."

"Jan was there too?" Alistair asked.

"Well—"

Before Rylen could elaborate, the door opened and Lana strode in with Leliana on her heels. Lana paused and looked between them. "Are we interrupting?"

"No, actually. I'd kinda like your input on this too." Rylen looked up, hopefully.

Leliana got her first look at Cullen and gasped, "Blessed Andraste!" Then covered her face, trying to stem the flow of tears.

Lana wrapped her arms around Leliana and soothed, "It's okay, my love. He looks worse than he is. I've already seen to him."

"I know you have," Leliana sniffled. "I just wasn't expecting…" She took a steadying breath. "I don't like seeing him this way."

"None of us do," Alistair said. "But he will pull through. He has to." He closed his eyes and kissed Cullen's knuckles before looking back at Rylen. "What was it you were saying before?"

"Yes, I'm sorry we interrupted." Leliana dabbed at her eyes. "What was it you were talking about?"

"Rylen was about to tell me what happened tonight, how he came to find Cullen when he did." Alistair turned his attention to Rylen.

Rylen looked down, wringing his hands. "I was in the coffee shop with Jan when I… felt Cullen's attack."

"Wait… you what?" Alistair asked. "And what were you doing in the coffee shop so late? I thought that she closed at seven?"

Rylen smiled bashfully. "Well, I uh… Jan's expecting... and smells have been the hardest part of her morning sickness. She's been working after hours and before opening; that way she doesn't have to deal with the aroma of fresh brewed coffee."

Leliana lit up. "Oh, that is excellent news! I am so happy for you."

Alistair dipped his head. "Congratulations."

Lana smiled, knowingly. "Yes, congratulations. When we get some time, I will get you some tea for Jan that will help."

"Thank you," he said, then sighed. "Anyway, we were in the shop. She was doing her closing routine and preparing things for the next day when I suddenly felt a blinding hot pain shoot through me. I knew it was Cullen and I knew he needed help and was close by. Bless, Jan, She didn't even bat an eye when I told her that she needed to call an ambulance and tell them there was an officer down in the park and that I would meet them there. She just did what I asked, without question. But I… fear, that will be a question I will have to answer at some point soon. Any advice?"

Lana rested her hand on Rylen's shoulder. "I know you've never liked keeping our secret from her."

"I know how dangerous it is for her to know. I don't want her to get hurt, especially now that she's carrying my baby. But, this isn't something I can just brush off. She found me collapsed on my knees, grasping my head in pain. How can I avoid that conversation?"

"You can't… and, you won't." Lana smiled. "I can speak with her if you'd like."

Rylen shook his head. "No. I mean, maybe later, yes? But for now, I need to face her myself. She deserves at least that." He looked worried.

"It will be ok, Rylen." Leliana said. "She loves you and will accept you even with your changes. I'm sure, by now, she's noticed other things and she hasn't pushed. Yes? She will do the same this time, too. And, she really can't fault the outcome of this one."

"You're right. I know you're right; doesn't mean that I'm looking forward to the conversation explaining how I felt my boss' distress at being attacked."

Alistair gasped and looked at Cullen, hopefully.

"Ali?" Lana asked.

"He… he moved." Alistair looked at Cullen's face, then looked down at the hand in his. "His fingers twitched. It was barely there, but I felt it. I know I didn't imagine it!"

"No," Lana said, her head quirked to the side. "But it looks like he is. There are flashes; blurry, nondescript images in his head. Alistair, that's a good sign." She directed her attention back to Rylen. "So to find him... you felt his need?"

"I felt his pain. It was intense and visceral; it tasted burnt and bitter, and then it started to fade. I got quick flashes of Cullen battered and beaten, laying on the cold ground. It was his light dimming that pulled me to him in the park. He was… already unconscious and I was able to roll him over and staunch the bleeding, but seeing him like that scared the shit out of me. Hell, feeling the fight for air, the pain of impact against his head, against his body; it was so real, like it was happening to me."

"Rylen…" Lana's voice was distant, her eyes closed and pained. "I want you to keep talking about that night."

Alistair looked up alarmed. "Lana are you—"

"He's dreaming." Lana whispered. "Hearing Rylen talk about what happened is bringing up images of the event."

Alistair was instantly on his feet, gently stroking his hand down Cullen's cheek. "Cullen, sweetheart. I love you, please... I need to tell you how sorry I am and how much I need you. Please…"

Lana smiled. "He hears you, Alistair. And by the images he's projecting, he feels the same— OH," she squeaked, her cheeks blushing. "Yup… Alistair, hush. You're not helping me here."

Leliana stifled a giggle as Alistair's ears turned red.

"Rylen, do you remember anything else about when you found him?" Lana asked. "Our conversation seems to be driving his thoughts - his dreams. I might be able to figure out who's responsible for doing this."

As Rylen talked about the little details, Lana focused on Cullen's thoughts, describing the details as they came to her. "There were five… no, six attackers; that explains why he couldn't fight them off. He was hit repeatedly: bats, crowbar, brass knuckles, fists… one of them had a tiny blade, thankfully not large enough to do too bad of damage."

"They did enough." Leliana frowned.

"It's vague and blurry." Lana frowned in concentration. "He didn't get a good look at who was around him… no wait." Lana suddenly gasped and looked at Alistair. "I know who was behind it." To Rylen she asked, "Did your team take samples or find anything at the crime scene?"

"They scoured the area, but didn't find any weapons. Why?"

She was looking studiously at Cullen. "He had something… something that could help us find him."

"I found this in his hand." Rylen pulled the small scrap of cloth out of his pocket. "Why? Who are we looking for?"

"Nick Mac Tir," she said, her voice hardening to match her eyes as she plucked the fabric from Rylen's hand.

"That fucking, son of a bitch." Alistair stepped back, knocking his chair over. "I will fucking kill him myself." He turned toward the door, but was stopped by Leliana's grip on his arm.

"Alistair, you know we cannot," Leliana said.

Rylen walked around the bed. "She's right. Cullen is going to need you when he pulls out of this and you won't be here for him if you're in prison."

"But, Rylen, we can—"

"I know what you're all capable of. That's why I kept the torn piece of clothing and didn't turn it in as evidence. I'll admit that Denerim's finest haven't been able to find that asshole so far, so I will need your assistance in tracking him down. But you're going to have to do it off the record and you're going to have to promise me that you will bring us in when you find him so we can arrest him properly. This case is too high profile for you to be sweeping it under the rug. I need him brought in so he can be brought to justice publicly." He looked at Lana, nodding at the scrap of fabric still in her hand. "You can use that to locate him, can't you?"

"I can't, but we know someone who can." She grinned at Leliana and Alistair. "We need to find Dorian before we do anything else."

Alistair sighed, heavily. "Fine, we'll bring him in. But you need to promise me that that asshole is going to pay."

"Oh, he'll pay. You have my word," Rylen said vehemently.

Alistair returned to Cullen's bedside and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "I will be back, my love. We will find Nick and make him pay for what he did to you. Stay strong for me… I love you." He kissed him again, then turned to Leliana. "I know you want to come with us, but I'd like someone he knows and cares about to be here with him at all times. Will you stay with him… for me?"

Leliana hesitated only a moment before replying, "I suppose it's only fair. Yes, I will watch over yours as you watch over mine." She smiled wryly and hugged Alistair.

"Thank you Lels. Of course I will watch out for her, not that she needs it." He kissed her on the forehead and sighed. "It means a lot to me that you're staying with him. I know you'll need breaks too, please just have someone with him at all times. I don't want him to be alone when he finally wakes up." She nodded and started to turn toward Lana when Alistair touched her shoulder gently. "Oh, and… they said that someone will be in soon to remove his breathing tube. Could you please-"

"Alistair, don't worry. He will be fine and I will hold his hand at all the appropriate times. No one will get to him while I'm here and if I can't be here, I will have people close to us at his bedside. He will never be alone!" She touched his cheek and he leaned into her touch.

"Thank you, Lels. Love you."

"Love you too, now let me say goodbye to my wife before you swoop her away from me- again." She winked to soften her tone, then turned to Lana. "Do watch out for yourself. I know that they're only human, but I am not ready to lose you yet."

Lana grinned. "They won't know what hit them, my love. I will be home with you before you know it."

Alistair turned to Rylen while Lana and Leliana shared a few private moments together.

"Promise me you wont do anything rash," Rylen said. "You are to detain and perhaps incapacitate; nothing more. I need them alive so we can prosecute."

"I know, I know. Don't worry, I'll have Lana and Dorian with me, we'll keep each other in line. And for any major damage, Lana can heal them up a bit before you guys get there!" Alistair grinned at the prospect of hurting Nick.

Lana sneered as she stepped up to them. "I don't think I'd like to waste that kind of energy on someone who would harm one of ours. I can promise not to kill him outright, but I will make him pay for the pain he's brought my family."

Rylen gulped, looking from Alistair to Lana and back again.

Alistair winked at Rylen. "And you were worried about me. Perhaps Dorian will have a better chance of restraining us. But, I doubt it, he didn't seem to happy about this either."

"Just promise me, one of you will call us so we can get there before you guys do any permanent damage." Rylen rubbed his temples.

"You should get home and get some rest." Lana said, softly. "You've had quite the adventure today.

Rylen nodded. "I will. But I need to head to the station first to make sure everything is ready for when you call. In the meantime, I'll have them keep searching while I head home to face the music with Jan."

Lana touched his arm gently. "It will be okay. I promise you."

Rylen locked eyes with Lana and held them for a few moments before he nodded. "Thank you, Lana. I believe you. Still won't make this easy for me."

"Trust in your wife, she may yet surprise you," Lana said.

Alistair clasped Rylen on the shoulder. "Thank you, Rylen - for everything." He looked at Lana. "You ready?"

"We need to head home and change; probably tell Morrigan what's going on." Lana looked over at Cullen. "Kieran is going to be so heartbroken."

"Cullen and Kieran have grown really close, haven't they?" He asked.

"They have."

Alistair smiled, softly. "You should have seen them snuggled up together the other night."

"Oh we saw." Leliana chimed in. "It was such a precious sight -the three of you all snuggled together when we got home- I got pictures." She grinned, tapping the phone in her hand.

As Alistair went to follow Lana and Rylen out the door, Leliana stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Maker watch over you, Alistair. I know he's watching over Cullen right now."

He took one last glance at Cullen and placed his hand over his own heart, rubbing to soothe the ache that settled there. "I know he is, Lel. Thank you." He turned to her with a small smile then followed Lana out to brief the others and find out where Dorian and Doctor Parker had wandered off to.

* * *

When Rylen stopped by the house, Jan was waiting for him in the rocking chair, one hand resting on the slight swell of her baby bump, humming softly to herself.

He stopped just inside the front door, drinking in how beautiful she was: peaceful, calm, serene.

She looked up and smiled. Raising a hand, she beckoned him closer.

He hung up his coat, left his shoes at the door and stumbled over, falling to his knees in front of her. "I am so sorry," he whispered as he lay his head in her lap.

She ran her hands through his hair, then circled the ridge of his ear with her fingertip. "What are you sorry for, my love?"

"For scaring you, for-"

She lifted his chin to look at her. "Honey. You saved a man's life last night. That is a gift." Her smile sent waves of reassurance through him. "You've always been special to me, but it seems that lately, you are becoming special in new and unique ways."

He opened his mouth to speak, but she placed a single finger over his lips. "I figured you'd talk to me about it when you were ready. Whenever that is, I will be here to listen. I will always be here to support you. Please know that."

He nodded as she removed her finger from his lips. "I wanted to talk to you, to explain what's been going on with me, but there are things I cannot share." He hung his head. "You've been so attentive and considerate, even without knowing. I just… I'm scared. I don't want anything to happen to you." He lay his hand over her baby bump. "Especially now."

"Sweet, Rylen." She leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose, then rested her forehead on his. "I don't have to know everything; I know you are a good man and I couldn't love you any differently than I do. I am so proud of you. Yes, last night startled me, but knowing that Cullen is alive and that you are also okay... that's all I need to know." She bent forward, laying a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"You're not mad? You're not afraid of what I can do?"

She shook her head. "All I need to know is that you love me and our little bean. You are an amazing husband and will be an incredibly father. You have supported me in my desire to own my own business, even going so far as to escort me at all hours of the day and night to keep me safe. You are selfless and kind, and there's nothing else that matters to me. When we got married it was a declaration of love and support in all things. I did not take that vow lightly and you've proven to me repeatedly that you didn't take it lightly either. I love you."

"I love you too. You are too good to be true; you know that?"

"And don't you forget it." She laughed. "How is Cullen doing?"

He lowered his head. "He's better than he was. When I left this morning, they were getting ready to take him off the ventilator, but he still hasn't regained consciousness. We have a lead on who's responsible, just have to find them and bring them in."

"I know you'll do it. Give Cullen my best when he does wake up. And, Rylen?"

He looked up.

"Be safe out there, I don't want what happened to Cullen to happen to you."

Rylen shook his head. "It won't, his was something personal. I will still be careful, though; I promise." He lay a gentle hand on her abdomen. "I have too much to live for to take too many risks out there. Oh, and before I forget, Lana says she has a tea that will help with your current aversion to c—"

"Don't even say the word!" She gasped, eyes wide.

He held a hand up in surrender and chuckled. "Anyway, she has a tea that will help. I'm going to swing by later and pick some up. Hopefully, we'll have you back to working your regular hours again soon."

"Time will do that on it's own too, but tell her I said, thank you." She leaned forward and kissed him. "I know you need to get back, but you look terrible; do you have time for a nap first?"

"You always know how to make me feel good about myself." He winked. "I was thinking about laying down for a couple hours before heading back to the office. They know where to find me if they discover anything. Can I persuade you to join me?"

"I couldn't think of a better place to spend the afternoon than in my husband's arms."

He rose to his feet and held out his hand.

Taking it, she stood from the chair and pulled him into a tender hug, laying her head on his chest, but not squeezing too tightly. "There have been a lot of changes to our lives in the past year - most of them wonderful." Picking up his hand, she lay it back against her belly. "And in less than a year, more changes will come. You and I will get through all of them, but first… we nap."

"Napping will help us persevere?"

"Napping cures everything." She yawned and stretched her hands up high over head. "C'mon… I need my favorite pillow. But my favorite pillow needs to shower first; you smell like your job."

Rylen chuckled. "At least I'm not as bad as earlier. Thankfully, someone lent me another shirt to change into." He shuddered at the thought. "I'll hurry though. Can't have you stealing all the pillows again."

"As long as you're my primary pillow, I'll let you have one of mine."

"What? I don't get my own pillow anymore?" he asked, smiling.

Jan shook her head. "Not until your little bean is born. Until then. If I want it… it's mine."

"Yes, dear." He pulled her in for a tender kiss. "I really do love you."

Jan patted his cheek and said, "I know." Then she winked and walked away.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Thank you all for your support! It is so appreciated, I can't even begin to express how much your kudos and comments mean to me. :)

As always, I give extra love to both **Ponticle** and **Tatteredleaf** for their eagle eyes and enthusiastic support. I know I could write and produce 'decent' work without them, but I wouldn't want to. They just make me a better me. :)


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